New day new thread.
Feeling better managing anxiety!
Feeling better about managing expectations for the future.
Feeling better that I was going to be alright no matter what happens in marriage.
Feeling better that this part of my life, although unpleasant (to say the least) has been quite necessary...a wakeup call to zephyr that he needed so much.
Thank you all so very much for all of your advice, support and friendship!
First Thread Second Thread
Z,
Appreciate the interest in my thread.now regarding the pursuing I know it's tough. At least you can see it. The trick is to head it off, now that is hard.
Although it's been said adnauseum, WS see us as that annoying boy/girl in school that was in love with us and we had no interest at all in. They would follow us around and generally made us roll our eyes and they became the butt of our jokes.
But, fast forward a few years and you run into her again. She's taller, lost the braces, is physically toned, and confidence oozes from them. Holy Cow what we're we thinking?!
But the kicker is, without the trials she went through and the time needed to make those changes, she would not be the prize she is today. Did she do it for you? Nah, it was for her even if it was spurred on by your rejection. Funny thing is, if she did it for you, you would know in the first few seconds of conversation and on some level would still be repulsed.
Z, be that person. I know I'm trying and its hard.
The first step on that journey is detaching and dropping the rope!
Zephyr, I'm so glad today is a better day for you. You deserve it! And yes, you are and will continue to be awesome!
E
Bravo... I appreciate the story. I've not heard that one.
Eirinn, I am certainly getting there, who knows how long it will ultimately take, but I will definitely get there.
Thank you!
Of course you will get there! What are your GAL plans for the weekend?
Good morning E. I had plans for the week...went kayak fishing on Thursday (awesome BTW...trying to figure out how to effort a couple of kayaks and a trailer), went to gym yesterday afternoon, had friends over for a night of games. Today is soccer championships for boys. Have three games and their year end party's. Nothing tonight. Tomorrow I will go to gym and then get busy on basement again.
Poor sleep last night. I wish I could fall asleep in the arms of a woman who wants me there instead of next to a corpse or a block of ice.
I see the growth of so many of you guys n gals and wonder why I am so stuck. I looked through all of those old posts on LBS script that were linked by cadet in Zeus's latest thread and I simply have no idea where I am in this process.
JSome days I feel like I still haven't gotten past denial yet and I work at trying to see what I can do to get that affection and love from my spouse that I want...others I feel strong in my conviction that our marriage is over and there is nothing I can do to stop the feieght train except get out of the way and hope that no damage is done.
I am still holding onto the hope that this is getting better and my wife is finally turning around and coming back...of a dream of two people growing old together. I am such an idiot to think there is any hope of that anymore.
How do I let go...it is like I can't or refuse to allow myself to stop being so selfish. I don't get it. I see all the damage holding on does and I can't let go of hope.
Z,
Appreciate the interest in my thread.now regarding the pursuing I know it's tough. At least you can see it. The trick is to head it off, now that is hard.
Although it's been said adnauseum, WS see us as that annoying boy/girl in school that was in love with us and we had no interest at all in. They would follow us around and generally made us roll our eyes and they became the butt of our jokes.
But, fast forward a few years and you run into her again. She's taller, lost the braces, is physically toned, and confidence oozes from them. Holy Cow what we're we thinking?!
But the kicker is, without the trials she went through and the time needed to make those changes, she would not be the prize she is today. Did she do it for you? Nah, it was for her even if it was spurred on by your rejection. Funny thing is, if she did it for you, you would know in the first few seconds of conversation and on some level would still be repulsed.
Z, be that person. I know I'm trying and its hard.
The first step on that journey is detaching and dropping the rope!
Pure gold!
How are things since?
It is not foolish to want your wife and to want to be loved.
Maybe you do slip up and veer from the concepts here. That is understandable. It is hard to put in practice.
You (like most of us) look at progress in terms of our partners love, which is the ultimate goal. But progress can also be viewed with less focus on how W reacts/acts.
It is hard to put up with feeling unloved and a lack of attention/affection. No doubt about that. Maybe you need to find a way to feel differently about that in the first place. Idk
Good luck.
Hey Roiste, haven't had a ton to post about. Been busy for sure...but obligation busy as opposed to fun busy.
I just found a stream fishing clinic tomorrow, I am going to sign up for it. let wife know that it was going on, but she has school work to finish, so I will go by myself...then from there guitar lesson and swimming to finish the night. So I am going to call tomorrow a good GAL night for Zephyr.
Anyway, regardless of not knowing what is going on with her, I had chosen to stand as the pillar...really reading this stuff just enforces that the 'actions' of do nothing that I've been applying is the right thing to do for me right now.
There is absolute tear-jerking material in all of those threads. It looks like HeartsBlessing, Wonka, Cadet and so many others that I'm not remembering right this second have lived this through (sometimes twice) and the info is invaluable. I just need to let things set in a bit more then read and re-read some more. I am not changing my stance or my motivation, I need to understand this stuff better. I will continue on as I am now and be the best me I can.
I still continue to be the lighthouse.
I will still stand as strength for my family, roll up my sleeves when I need and let them fall down so they learn how and be there when they need someone.
I will lead by example in a positive, supportive way with both my kids, my wife and my friends / family.
I will continue to be the best father I am capable of...which means letting them grow up a bit on their own.
I will continue to work on me...accept my flaws & work on them.
I will keep trying to find happiness in my life where sometimes feels like none is at all possible.
I will continue to try to get out and do SOMETHING / ANYTHING.
I will keep working on my basement
I will continue to stop trying to control my future.
I will keep hope for a better life.
Funny, I was running yesterday at the park. During my run, my wedding song came on my MP3 player. It was Russ Taff's 'This Love is Strong.' For the first time in like 6-7 years I did not cry when It played. I replayed it 5 times on that run and it felt good to hear. Maybe for the first time in my life I REALLY listened to the lyrics and it meant more to me yesterday then any other time I've ever heard it...including the night we got married and we danced that first dance together.
Great list, keep it up. Always be the lighthouse
This process [censored] but at least we know its the best thing we can do to stand for our M without controlling our WAS's.
Hi Zephyr! That list is brilliant! Your determination is very inspirational right now.
Thank you!
***hugs***
E
How are you doing, Zephyr?
Hi E, been absolutely crazy busy and that is a great problem to have. Lots of Me time this weekend. Also had niece stay with us for couple of days so that was fun. Never brushed a little girls hair before, and her's was bad so I got to learn a little too
I feel great about where I am right now. I have felt more calm over last couple of weeks than in years. The more I rely on myself for my needs, the more I feel I don't need as much. no $hit, it is kinda nuts how that is working. On a side note, the wife has been more and more of a participant in all of our lives, the more I progress down my road. She has done chores in the last week I swear she had absolutely refused to do on principal over last half decade (it is just the way it felt). Thursday I went out basically all evening, got home after 10 and she had cleaned the kitchen AND baked some banana bread (I had mentioned earlier the day before that I thought the bananas had just about had it, so she made banana bread - NOT A NORMAL INSTANCE in the Zephyr household. In general in the interactions between us, it has felt more like she has wanted to be there, instead of somewhere else, IDK...just a real sense on my part.
That was just one instance, and I am trying not to focus too much on that stuff, cause there there is other stuff too, but I will hold off on that once we have more available data to evaluate.
Another weird one...last night watching TV after GameofThrones finished and an A. Madison add came on the TV. i'd never heard of it before and apparently neither had W. She asked what the Eff that was so I looked it up. I told her it was a website to help arrange discrete encounters for married folks. She called the concept 'disgusting'. Who knows if that was actual sentiment or a smoke screen...just thought it was odd is all.
I need to get back to work. Thank you so much for checking in...I actually feel rather bad for not posting more, it has been almost impossible to carve out enough time to really keep up with everyone and check in with them. so I will hopefully try to find some extra time this week!!!
Are you zen because your W SEEMS to be coming around or is the calm there regardless? You do seem to be in a good place mentally and the signs from your W are positive.
I don't know enough to judge how things are really but I will urge you to stick with what you are doing. Apparently we will not need to look for signs when W is really back. We will know. Just a reminder of what you know.
I am glad you are in a good place. What had changed since your recent post knocking yourself for having false hope?
I am not trying to rain on your parade, just trying to understand. Hopefully my questions don't vex you.
Zephyr, I am so glad that you are in a better place right now and are so busy in a good way. I agree with roiste in continuing on doing what you are doing. It's working well for you.
Don't feel bad about not posting, just glad you're doing well!
*hugs*
E
I know I am still not out of the woods with my enmeshment with wife. I have no illusions in that. I am getting there and even when there are off days with her and my interactions I have still been able to remain on keel... Mostly. So to answer your question...my better place, lot of just me and definitely being helped out by positive interactions with W. It dies make me feel better when we have really good days together.
There are a couple of things that still get me like when she shuts her screen off when I walk into a room. Doesn't happen too often actually more rare and rare...but it still drops my positivity a bit.
As for the no hope post...that was more or less, some over reacting to a bad couple of sleeps for me. This has been q long road and I do get frustrated and weary from time to time.
The reality of things is that I am getting better and that is a good start. Thank you for your honest questions...id rather that then not.
Yeah being tired definitely affects how we see things. Good to recognise that too.
"There are a couple of things that still get me like when she shuts her screen off when I walk into a room. Doesn't happen too often actually more rare and rare...but it still drops my positivity a bit."
I can't stand having him invite me to watch tv with him and then he's on the phone the entire time texting. Most of the time, I ignore it and just enjoy what we're watching. But it does make my PMA harder.
*hugs*
Zephyr,
Getting better is always a good thing, it takes time for us to process and change our habits. I got this book recently on detachment that I'm giving a try. Let Go Now: Embracing Detachment. The book suggests reading 1 mediation each day(200 different meditations) and thinking about it over the course of a day.
I'm giving it a try since I understand detachment is such a long process this may be the best way to do it, slow and steady. Thought I'd let you know since you asked about it in my thread before.
Keep moving forward
Thanks fogg! Let me know how that new book is working.
So something came up this AM.
we were having a nice few moments getting ready for work. shortly later the conversation turned to the house. This has been an issue for her in the past. She has said that she felt trapped in the house. Issues there were thought to be that she didn't feel like her opinion mattered in the decision to live in that house and she felt like I forced the issue of a renovation instead of moving 8 years ago.
she has stated that she understands that my motivations were 'what I thought best for the family'
she also said that this was a big part in her 'issues' over the years that she has been trying to let them go, that she has not been able to stop dwelling on the past.
I didn't offer up solutions or excuses, in fact I listened and validated & apologized for any pain I caused.
but back to it, I did tell here that I realize this was not the first time that I've heard this and that I am trying to see things from her point of view better than I had in the past. She was upset that the damage with her being too far away from her family was already done, that she just needs to learn to get past it. I told her that was definitely a different perspective than I had, I grew up pretty secluded from extended family where she was always together with cousins & second cousins.
I asked where she would want to live instead or if she wanted to get a realtor in to do some kind of analysis to see where we really stand...that I didn't want to ignore any options. She said that she has already tried to figure that out and that there aren't really good options for as good of schooling, low taxes, big house, nice neighborhood, while not getting even farther away from family or current jobs (both have been working at same place for long time and commute would be an issue, she even said that she didn't want me to resent her for having to drive to work first time there was bad weather if we lived far away from office). As for the house, we're not sure if we will even break even on the renovation or if we are underwater still a bit.
I know I am not telling things perfect. what I hear and what I understand sometimes are close, but subtly different things...and my 'exact' memory is poor...no telephone game for me, I have always been terrible at that. important thing is that I am trying to HEAR what she is saying and fix my end...think it was CADET who mentioned earlier this week about 180's when sentiments sting...what can I do differently than I had in the past. I would rather not let any options go unexplored and I definitely don't want to just let things be sit just because I am comfortable...because there is something wrong there. (I don't want this to be me trying to just fix things either).
Anyway maybe I am leaving out details, so any help sorting this out would be greatly appreciated.
Also I don't want to bring things up as a reminder of why she has resented things in the first place...UUGH
I'd wait for the vets to chime in before REacting on this.
I have a very mixed reading on this.
First of all it is just a house and in it are all of your bad years. So to me it is worth a lot less than a home. If it is really a big issue four her and uyg tigyis uys really one OR THE source of her issues, the house really takes second pace.
r
That being said moving may not create a better environment for your wife and may not solve her issues.
I think it is important that your W feels listened to on this. Really listened to. I would let her lead in finding the best solution. Do not solve this for her. She has to own the decision (assuming you agree). If she decided it is best to stay, ask are there things that she would like to change. Could be a good project together.
Lastly don't jump through hoops for her. Listen, be actively involved but don't overdo it. Respect yourself.
Rambling but I hope somewhat coherent.
Thanks Roiste! I think you are right that I cannot solve this for her, she needs to come to a conclusion on her own. maybe she already has and she is just conflicted with the her answer.
Just got text from Wife saying thank you for listening this morning and sorry for the timing...was late for work because we were involved in convo.
I replied that the timing was fine, didn't mind that at all. Also said that I was glad she was able to speak her mind. that what she said was important to me and that I was sorry that I was not as receptive to her in the past as she had needed.
If it is really a big issue for her and if this is really one OR THE source of her issues, the house really takes second pace.
Sorry for typos..... am on phone.
The more I think about this, the more I feel like crap. How do you make a mends for the errors of the past without poking old scars or pealing old scabs.
I have owned the fact that in the past I did not hear wife's opinions well enough and made decisions I thought was best. I've apologized for this at length and have been acting accordingly since. Taking her opinion and making sure this was present in making decisions for family matters.
Don't know how to do any more than that.
The more I think about this, the more I feel like crap. How do you make a mends for the errors of the past without poking old scars or pealing old scabs.
I have owned the fact that in the past I did not hear wife's opinions well enough and made decisions I thought was best. I've apologized for this at length and have been acting accordingly since. Taking her opinion and making sure this was present in making decisions for family matters.
Don't know how to do any more than that.
Don't let it make you feel too bad,maybe what your doing is already a great improvement. Sometimes the S just wants to know their opinions are heard and understood even if the solution they want might not be possible. I'm sure she appreciates the validating and maybe there is a solution that can be found later. Don't beat yourself up too much for not having an answer, just keep listening and putting yourself in her shoes.
Don't beat yourself up too much for not having an answer, just keep listening and putting yourself in her shoes.
Hello Zephyr,
I was going to advise the exact same thing Fogg did. Please go easy on yourself. I am the same way, many times. You are not alone.
Please try to keep a PMA!
Bob
Thought a lot about your situation last night and I just wanted to add something. We all would love the power to change the past but we can't. The past is the past.it is what it is. Our perceptions of the past can change but that is another topic.
You have accepted that you could have dealt with your W's concerns better at the time, and you have apologised. How you are dealing with the interactions now is great. That is what is important. That is who you are now.
Finally (and I would like the vet's opinion on this) I have read that repeatedly apologising for the same thing is perceived as weakness. Validate validate validate.....but stop apologising.
Thank you roiste. I appreciate your insight and I really am so touched that you have spent so much time helping me off that proverbial ledge.
Here is to a good day for us all!
Hey Z,
I agree with Roiste about not needing to continually apologizing for the same thing. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing it more than once but I think the more you do it, the impact gets diminished a bit.
You guys are right and I know it. I have held so much guilt about the problems I brought to the party and how I did not treat wife with a much respect as I should have.
Thanks Def, I am glad there are so many of you guys who see my $hit clearer than I do.
Hello Z,
I totally agree with Roiste and Defacto! You do not need to continually apologize for the same thing. I tend to be the same way, not just with W, but others as well.
One apology is good enough.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
Bob
Hey Z, I totally agree with Roiste, Defacto, and Bob.
My IC once asked me, when I was beating myself for not listening to my H, if I listened now. I said, of course!
Her reply was then that's enough. You apologized and now your actions show her that you have changed. She has the choice observe or not. While your previous actions helped you get to where you are now, so did hers.
You are choosing to make yourself a better person, she is not. You are being courageous and looking at yourself honestly, she is not.
I can continue but I hope you see my point. Celebrate you and continue to work on you, and ignore her.
Hello Z,
I love Eirinn's post. Very good stuff!
I hope you are doing well.
Bob
Hello Z,
I totally agree with Roiste and Defacto! You do not need to continually apologize for the same thing. I tend to be the same way, not just with W, but others as well.
One apology is good enough.
Bob is right. Apologize once and move forward. You don't need to dwell on mistakes and the other party heard you. Bringing it back up serves no useful purpose.
-PM
Thanks def, Bob, E, PM and all!
You guys keep me grounded and honest with myself, no question about that.
I wanted to reach out and say happy father's day to all of you, mothers too. Father's day to me has always been about family, so I wish you all a better year for your family!!!
In my life I am blessed with two beautiful children, three brothers, tons of neices and nephews, scores of aunts and uncles (hers and mine), a host of in laws and my folks and wife's parents are all still pretty healthy. Through all of this I even have a wife I still love and I believe still loves me. I will be happy today.
Through all of this I even have a wife Istill love and I believe still loves me. I will be happy today.
Brought a smile to my face. Great to hear you speak like that. Hope you had a good day.
Hi Zephyr,
I said a prayer tonight for you and just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and hoping your week is going well.
*hugs*
E
I assume all OK, otherwise you would be on here.
Best wishes
Thanks eirinn, can always use your prayers. I am truely blessed to know you are looking out for me!
Roiste, I am so very thankful for your concern and support! I really could not Keep this all up without everyone's help and honesty.
I have been super busy. Had awesome night on Monday doing the paint class with brothers and all respective spouses. Wife and I had great dinner Tuesday, then went and lounged at pool...then shopping at art store to get some supplies to do more painting.
Yesterday did my swimming. Got to use he new paddles and bouys he boys gave me for father's day. Then had guitar lesson. Started a new song I am going to have some fun with...eli young band, if it breaks your heart.
I am going to Milwaukee today and I am pretty sure I will have a big update going to be necessary after I get back. Uncomfortable friend and wife are going to be there... So ya that is something that I am going to be watching for...between trying to have a good time.
Thank you all...fingers crossed.
Yeah that can tarnish anything, but you can still have fun. I did last Saturday. It can be done. Guess it depends on what you observe. Good luck with the trip. We'll be here when you get back.
Roiste, was thinking of your weekend when I typed that out. Looks like you handled yourself well...a good blueprint for me so to speak.
Thanks again!!!
Zephyr, good luck on your trip. Just keep telling yourself to have no expectations and I was glad to see you packed some STFU pills. I need to refill my prescription.
*hugs*
E
Hey Zephyr,
I also want to wish you good luck on your trip.
I will dedicate a prayer to you right after this post.
Hang in there!
Bob
Zephyr, good luck, I keep my fingers crossed you continue moving in positive directions.
Thinking of you. Hope you are having a good time!
Hey Zephyr,
I really hope you are having a good time!
Thinking of you . . .
Bob
That's what I was wondering too, Roiste. Weren't we promised an update?
*hugs* Zephyr
E
hey guys, thank you for checking on me. I have been running crazy...figuratively and literally
I have to admit that my trip this weekend had no 'clarification' that I kinda thought was going to happen. Expectations, right?
I don't know if I saw anything that i'd am concerned about. Maybe there was a smoke screen being employed, maybe just me being overly cautious and trying to see things that were not really even there. Not disappointed, just surprised is all.
my path right now stays the same as it has been.
I don't have a ton of GAL this week (gym tonight, Meetup game group on Wednesday) and then another get away day to see folks in Michigan this weekend with my family for the holiday).
Wish I had more, just don't have anything really new to report and I am at a loss right now for things to write (WHAT, that is so not Zephyr - although in real life, I am not that outspoken if you can believe that).
I guess I kinda do have one new thing, I have been trying not to use the phone when me and wife are together so much. I am trying to lead by example for a while to see how that goes with this. I figure it is worth a try...we will see if anything comes of this. the drawback is that I will likely be spending less time on these forums in the evenings
Thank you all again for looking out for me!!!
Hi Zephyr. I'd be interested in how that experiment goes. Most nights I want to throw my H's phone out the window!
So if you aren't doing much going out to GAL this week, what are you doing at home to take care of Zephyr?
Will do E!
I took the kids to the pool and just finished guitar practice. I felt like trying to learn new song...just started with 'bright' by echosmith... Very fun song so yay!.
Otherwise am going to try to get some reading tone tonight
Oooooo....what games you playing?
Seem's to me that you have plenty going on. Great to be doing so much and feel you are not doing a lot. That us good.
Glad weekend went well and that next weekend is another away trip.
Follow your path, keep doing what you are doing.
If you don't mind answering where is your wife now in relation to giving signs of affection. Recently you mostly post about you, which is where you should be focused but I was just curious. No obligation to answer.
Matt, the meet up is bring your own board games. So really anything goes....I don't bring any I just figure go with the flow.
My favorite games right now are
Old school - chess, risk
New - sentinels of the universe, xwing
And we are big RPG gamers. Me wife & kids. Actually planned a trip a few weeks ago to go second weekend of July to a gaming con in Wisconsin to get s13, ready for gencon in Indy at the end of the month.
Roiste, I have been hesitant to post that only because I want to be sure of things a little more and I don't want to become complacent in my actions by . But since you asked...
Where is my wife in terms of affection....
My wife has been contributing to the family so much more than last bunch of years. Not only with chores, but just working together to manage things. She even set up a cool daily spread sheet for boys to do chores to earn game time. Another instance...on Sunday I was in the yard trying to catch up with work. I was 2 hours into yard work (took almost 4.5)...she came out and offered to mow the back yard while i was working in the gutters. I was floored...she hasn't mowed or even offered in maybe a Decade and a half...Wow, just WOW! (Acts of service)
My wife has been really encouraging me, complimentary, spoken appreciation for things I do, and supportive of my actions. She tells me all the time how appreciative she is of the things that I do. thanks me for chores, cooking, helping with her homework, etc. I know this has been something that I have made a honest to goodness concerted effort on my part to do, praise and gratitude whenever I can and show appreciation whenever it is deserved. It is contagious. I think that this was the biggest breakthrough I had was to realize how little appreciation I showed my wife over the years...in the way she wanted it expressed. I've been going strong with this genuine show of appreciation and gratitude for 8-9 months and she has been reciprocating really consistently since our trip to Florida back in april. I could type for a month about the different interactions between us in last few months in this category, but I will end this one here...two weeks ago, we went to wife's graduation ceremony for her BS degree (they only have one in winter and one in summer, she finishes in Sept. The whole time I could not be more proud of her efforts and resolve to follow through with this. I have typed and told her so many times. she actually came to me with her graduation stole and had written a nice note on the back and presented ME with it. It had basically said how appreciative she was for all of the sacrifices that I've made to help her finish this. how she could never have done this without my help and support. I could not hold back the tears. I had longed to hear those very words from her for such a long time. it made all of those sacrifices worth it. (Words)
I know I have been documenting my GAL activities pretty regularly, because this is important on my road to a better Zephyr. I think I have also posted how much of this my wife has wanted to be a part of. I have made real effort to go do things on my own too, which is good. My wife has been planning things for US to do together too. She almost shows a level of disappointment when I go. We still watch TV together (although I fall asleep too often when we do), but we are doing things as a family too...taking kids to the pool, game together, working out together, jogging, singing together in the car or getting ready for work, all sorts of different things. For years all it felt like is W wanted to get away from me or worse...wanted nothing to do with me, just do her own thing. She didn't want to 'give me the wrong impression' by doing things together or 'she needed space.' well I gave it to her and now she wants to spend it with me and I LOVE IT. It is not always, but I realize that is a good thing too, I really do for BOTH OF US. (Quality Time)
My wife has been picking up little things for me here and there, thoughtful items, nonsense items, asking if I needed items from the store and actually getting them (instead of forgetting or 'they didn't have what I was looking for'). She has picked up card for even the hallmark holidays that she never used to. the Xmas gift of guitar was so very moving to me, unbelievable actually how much so...still makes me smile every time I pick it up. The other day, she even spent two hours at the sporting goods store with the boys help picking out fathers day gifts with them. it was a bunch of swim gear for my training. stuff I would have never gotten myself. I went years without a birthday gift, anniversary or xmas gift. this last 6 months have been some of the most thoughtful gifts...and I really do appreciate them. (GIFTS)
So the physical side...there is real effort on my wife's part to show physical affection to me in the last few months. We have ML 4 times this month, which is a lot compared to the fact we had sex twice last year! It is not just sex. my wife reaches for me to pull me close from time to time, holds my hands, cuddles and similar things. Biggest thing here has been NO PRESSURE on her to do any of it. Sex is no longer an expectation from me, nor should it ever be...that is a HUGE lesson that I've taken from all of this. She needs to trust that sex is not an expectation from her, that she can share herself with me as an act of love and not something that she has to do because she is my wife. I will say this was not how I approached things when I got here, that is for sure. (TOUCH)
Now, this is not all happy unicorns and rainbows all the time, there are still lots of situations where it is very clear to me that this crisis is not over. There is still a chasm between us in terms of intimacy. There is still a wall between her heart and mine that I am hoping will be let down eventually, all I can do is be happy and respective and receptive to what she is willing to share. During sex there is still no passion or desire, there is no sharing of intimate details of her heart, she still uses resentment as a shield against me, there is guilt on her mind and I don't know as to why, she still refuses MC or IC, she still spends soooo much time on her phone with whatever (I know a ton of it is facebook - annectdote...one of the things I did learn this last weekend when we visited with this other couple...the both of this couple were on their phone CONSTANTLY, checking updates, texting other people, etc. I am not sure how much of what wife is doing is a filler or longing for more interaction with people or what, but I thought it was crazy how much time these folks were on their phones despite visiting with us, while my wife was in the now most of the time). There are other situations with a distance still being prevalent.
I know that this situation is not done. I still have work to do on me. I still have a life to live no matter what happens. I still know that my wife has a lot of work to do still on herself and she is actually doing some of it. It is so comforting to know that the rhetoric that she says is starting to match her actions and they are positive. We just passed 3.5+ years into this mess and it seems like so much longer. I want to say that my marriage...even as it is right now is better than it has been in a decade, and there is still a lot of room to grow. That tells me how low things really were and how far we have come. I need to stay mindful of what got us here in the first place and remind myself what is at stake everyday...complacency will kill this whole adventure together.
LOVE IS A CHOICE.
HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE.
BE GRATEFUL OF WHAT YOU HAVE AND WHAT WE ARE GIVEN EVERYDAY.
Thank you all for being here for me...I guess I did have something to say after all
Wow, Zephyr. Just Wow!
So many positives and yet still an honest reflection of what is still missing and the journey you are continuing on with her.
Thank you for opening up your heart and sharing.
*Hugs*
E
Thank you for your honest answer.
Yes a huge improvement from your first posts. Your situation has improved and you have improved. Well done. The job is not done and there ate still no gaurantees but you merit a clap on the back.
Keep going with your marathon. Keep realistic and keep giving it your all.
Best of luck mate and enjoy the 4th of July.
Just two afterthoughts. Firstly I know people so into texting and social media that they text each other while in same group. Not suggesting that is what was going on but it is possible. Apart from that many people seem just to be addicted to being "connected" that they ironically disconnect from where they are and who they are with. Either way it is disrespectful and not polite. But look around, it is the way of our times sadly. I don't think you can put a boundary on that without being controlling. Your approach seems good or worth a try. Others suggest going a step further and go off and do something else. But not in a cold reactive way.
Secondly, if your W is still refusing C, it sounds like pressure. She would not refuse if you did not bring it up. Eventually to move forward and to really solve core issues something will be needed. But you cannot control that. Patience.
Eirinn, i have been tempering myself with all of this. There are still lots of cold days too where I see her give the dog so much more affection than I or she doesn't even try...so the process will take time. It will take all the patience I have left.
Roiste, thank you for your insight. I have asks wife twice since December if she wanted to go to Mc or ic. Last time was just a week or two ago. She has her reasons for not wanting to go so I will not push it.
Eventually we will need to but for now reconnection is necessary.
Today is going to be a beautiful day here in sw Michigan so I will be thankful for that. We have tons of options for things to do so not sure. I hope we can get to my favorite local brewery for a beer and lunch for my birthday.
I wish you all a safe and fun holiday weekend!!!
Thank you all again for ur support and understanding!
Happy birthday, Z! Make sure you do go to that brewery. You deserve it!
E
ps. when you feel that your patience is disappearing, make sure to stop by here so we can help fill it up for you.
Hugs
Hope you raised a glass for us too! I updated in reply to you so I guess it is your turn.....
OK, my turn.
this week is a short one. we got back from Michigan on sunday and heat to Wisconsin Friday AM. Wife, S13 & I to go hang out with friends for the weekend. My S10 is with my folks.
Didn't plan any new GAL this week, just gym visits and guitar on Thursday. BUT...have a ton to do around the house so I really don't have much time for anything else with being out of town three weekends in a row.
The holiday went well, with the only exception the interaction between my mom and wife. mom was being overbearing and wife was not having it. I tried to validate those complaints from wife, but didn't mediate. I will have to see if it worth a sit down with my mom to mention how much of a pain in the A$$ she can really be
. It was beautiful weather and had lots of fun!
I got some nice birthday presents from the wife and the kids. they made special trips to couple of different stores to find some cool stuff for me! was very taken back how much time was spent finding so many different things, for training, for gaming and for general purpose. Wife said they even spend like 1/2 hour trying to pick out a card. I was really happy with them.
I have been thinking about the gift giving thing a lot lately. I have been absolutely floored how much the thoughtful gifts my wife has gotten me since Xmas have moved me. My whole life I never felt like that at all. Have I really been that empty inside disregarding those presents that were well thought out and given from the heart...never gave it much though and never had any impact on me. So this is a change in me, and I like it
I continue to show absolute appreciation for those gifts I receive and I will continue to give without expectations myself. (maybe gifts isn't my way down the list #5 on the 5LL chart afterall, maybe I just never took them as such, who knows).
Another item I wanted to throw out there that has been bugging my mind a little. My wife has shown some real irritation towards me when I address her with a name like mommy or momma when not with the children. She said that it has been bothering her a lot lately. So I have absolutely been trying not to address her as such at all...I HEARD HER
. But what is it that is bugging her about it?
She still calls me daddy in front of the kids and dog and sometimes just in general. Is it a thing with MY mother that pi$$es her off or is it part of the identity crisis part of her internal issues? I've even seen twinges of anger when I had called her an old pet name from High School that I've used for 25 years. again, I've really cut down on that too, has slipped a couple of times...but making sure to make a conscious effort to put into action what she does not want to hear from me.
in regards to the name thing, she does call me honey, baby or babe all the time...but I also here her call others the same...like the kids or her friends so it is not especially endearing to hear from her. it does bug me a little to hear her call her cousin honey and then turn around and use it to address me. IDK why that bugs me...it is just a little bit.
that's all for now. hope you all have a great week ahead. I will keep reading between stops this weekend.
Thanks again for reading and supporting and helping me keep my sanity.
Hi Zephyr, I think calling someone Momma when they aren't with the kids could evoke a reaction of - I'm only seen as Mum.....not W, GF, sexy independent woman - just Mum.
There's also something for me about putting the kids first to the detriment of the marital R. When I hear a W say to her H 'Daddy - what do you think of that' - It grates with me now and think uh oh, heading for trouble. To me, it's really important for us to maintain our own identity and nurture our R as a couple.
I think it's fine to call someone Daddy when the kids are around - particularly if they are smaller. But I think morphing into calling them Daddy at other times probably isn't a great idea..
JMHO - I'm not a parent myself BTW, but I have been a step-parent...
Hi Zephyr, I'm glad the holiday went well for you, and IMHO validating your wife, but not mediating was the perfect solution in that situation.
In regards to the Mommy thing, it would bug me too. Toots, summed it up well up above. I give a lot to my s and poor a lot of energy in raising him well. I do not want to be called mom when he's not around. I was an individual before he was born and I am still an individual.
Does that make sense?
E
Eirinn & Toots
THANK YOU!!! This does give me some better insight.
well damn. one more thing to add to the list of things to be mindful of.
I wouldn't best yourself up about the gift giving too much,it's just how we see things differently. People show love through the 5LL that we may not even consider. My W did quite a bit of acts of service and I never seen it as her showing me love until now. It just wasn't my primary LL so I didn't understand at the time.
Zephyr, the list of mindfulness does get awfully long sometimes, doesn't it?
Only you can judge the interactions between W and your mother. But from how you described it you handled it pretty well. Validating with W is one thing but standing up for her could show her again that she is the most imp person in your life. I don't mean fight her battles for her or to take sides categorically but saying something to mother afterwards (even now) could be a good thing. You may feel better and won't harm W opinion of you. This is just my opinion and as often here is tinged with how I would think n the same position.
Hi Zephyr,
I just wanted to stop by and inform you that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I think you handled the situation pretty well, too. What's going on today?
Peace to you, my friend, and may every day be better than the previous. Hang in there!
Your friend,
Bob
Hi Zephyr,
I'm thinking of you today and hoping all is well.
I'm keeping you on my prayer list.
*hugs*
E
hey guys. having issues trying to figure out how to breach the subject of finances and overspending habits of 'our family' with the wife.
this has been a problem for some time and I've been able to manage things. but since the whole college thing have been going on, the extra cushion I've had kinda built in, the debt is starting to pile up. i knew things would get bad for the couple of years through college but i didn't imaging they would start to drift so rapidly.
I do not want to put this all on wife for college. I ABSOLUTELY supported the decision and want her to understand that this is not the issue. the issue is just normal overspending. say if you go to target to pick up 50 dollars worth of groc's and leave with $125 worth of stuff...over and over it adds up.
every time I've breached the subject in the past (has been a while) the topic ALLWAYS ends up on the house and how it is such mistake. this is one of her go to topics as far as blaming me for the house and it is a huge source of resentment. our mortgage is ~30% of our income so it is not out of line from what i'd expect.
we had a bad spring with necessary purchases (tree service, car service, extra medical bills) which I get. but then there is no hesitation to maintain spending patterns. wife does understand and even jokes while shopping 'I really have a problem' or 'i am just terrible' when it comes to buying stuff she wants and may not really needs.
I don't want this to be a confrontation. I don't want this to be accusatory, because I have supported her in this. I also have tried to be more 'understanding' with spending as a minor 180 insofar as I was a tyrant for a long time about not going out to eat or not spending a dime on myself to try to save family money or discouraging having a good time to save some dough. wife works very hard and earns her share...so i am not trying to 'tell her' what she can and can't do on spending.
I am part of the issue here. I have bought myself things here and there, spent money on guitar lessons and I have been more amiable about eating out. I cook 100% of the meals if we don't eat out and honestly I don't like to cook every day. I have also actually encouraged her to 'go ahead and buy that dress if you want' in an effort to not be such a tight wad.
Any advice on how to breach this subject would be appreciated.
one issue I've had as a person is to hide these sorts of problems and just try to fix them on my own. that is not fair to me and it is not fair to my wife to hide the financial situation from her. i think it was in one of the Harley books that talked about being open and honesty as a need for wife from husband...hiding things like this is not honesty.
a topic for another day, i am actually growing weary of having to hide feelings from wife. if there is something that may be bothering me, i cannot tell her what is bugging me. i cannot voice my dissatisfaction with her in our current relationship state. it is all part of the 'more of the same from Zephyr about hiding true feelings as the "nice guy" syndrome that i am trying to break'
Thank you all!!!
I feel like a lunatic. I left the office this morning and have been hanging out at the park reading and rereading the detachment chapter in codependency no more. I keep going back to the same excerpt.
"It hits you in the stomach. The feeling fills you up-thst gut-twisting, hand wringing anxiety that is so familiar to CD's. It is what causes us to do much of what we do that hurts ourselves; it is the substance worry and obsession feed upon. It is fear at its worst. Fear usually cones and goes, leaving us in flight, ready to fight or just temporarily frightened. But anxiety hangs in there. It grips the mind, paralyzing it for all but its own purpose - an endless rehashing of the same useless thoughts. It is the fuel that propels us into controlling behaviors of all sorts. We can think of nothing but keeping a lid on things, controlling the problems. And making it go away; it is the stuff CD is made of" -beattie.
It goes on and on with truth. I feel just nuts lately. I have been trying to let go. Trying to get out. Trying to living in the moment. I feel like most mornings I walk out the door with a sense of purpose to do whet I need to do. I get to work and all I do is obsess on db site and what my future holds. What I can do or say to make things better. I stare at the computer screen. When I'm out doing I feel great. I feel relieved. I feel like an awesome guy.
When I sit st work I turn into a weakling. Analyzing and overanalyzing everything. Worrying. Trying to make sense of things.
I am sorry. I am sure by now I sound like a broken record. I am tired of the strain. I am tired of the not knowing. I am really just tired of feeling like a crazy person.
Hi Zephyr,
I honestly don't have any advice for you in the area of finances, but as for your second post, we all feel crazy at some point during this process. And as I'm typing "some point" I'm thinking every day, sometimes every minute, sometimes not for a week. Read every post on here and we all sound like broken records too. That's what this board is for. Support for us while we're feeling broken and lost and a little bit crazy.
I forgot, what do you do for work? It sounds like it might not be challenging enough for you to keep your mind off of your R. Is there something you can do so that you don't physically have the time to be hitting the boards all during the day, and obsessing? Is there other things that you have been putting off that you can do, or maybe the rubber band technique when you start thinking too hard? For me, the hard time is when I'm home alone with my S all day. As someone else, I think Matt, mentioned, a 4 year old can only hold my intellectual attention for so long. So, I'll get up and wash some clothes, or clean a shelf, or do some paperwork that I've been avoiding. Keeps my mind grounded rather than obsessing.
I totally understand where you are right now, and I wish I had a magic bullet for you. Just know that maybe tomorrow or the day after that you will start feeling better again. Until then, I'll keep you in my prayers.
E
ps. I'm hoping someone with more experience can help you out with the finances.
Thanks E, I will start the rubber band tomorrow. Can't be worse than the anxiety
Btw - I am an engineer in construction consulting.
I wanted to reply straight away but between not having much tine and nit being sure if I had anything useful to say, I waited. I'm glad E replied so you know you are being thought of.
Regarding your first message. It is important to keep an eye on the financial situation. I would add though that up to a certain point money is now not the most important factor. Your happiness and that of your W are mire important. So the odd pleasure buy or GAL activity should be seen as investing in the future. That being said it us still important. There are snipits about it in DR. Ideally you need to find a way that your W thinks about and decides herself to watch her spending. If it comes from you it is controlling. I don't know how to do that except maybe leave some statements a bills together so she finds them. But not knowing your W I can't advise better.
If this topic has always been a flashpoint you need to do something different.
I hear you about not being able to openly state your frustrations and all other thoughts with your W. I agree, but the advice seems to be to avoid talking about negative stuff and problems. This is a big issue for me as I really feel we should be working more as a team on all issues. Just remember that that is what you are working towards.
If your finances are bad you need to address them and if needs be in an alpha manner. Wait for wiser advisors though.
As for your second message, what sparked this? E replied well and I'll reiterate the same message. Focus on what you can control and leave the uncertainty etc alone.
Remember that to date you have always ALWAYS gotten through the worst of days. You will get through this one too
I have been having a ton more fun and enjoying myself / splurging more more since ive been letting things like spending money not bug me so much...there has got to be a compromise. Something different...you are right. Need to think on that.
Yesterday was a bad day, really all it was roiste. Nothing specific. I will say that I've been getting lax in my db focus. It is difficult to see that truth when things are going better.
Lately I have been too overwilling with trying to help her with general stuff and trying to do do a little to much for her and too with exhuberant with compliments. Need to slow that down for sure...too controlling.
A bunch of our friends have been going through D's lately and I see none of them are unfixable. But the rhetoric from my wife has been positive for sure. Statements like, does x really think things will get better just because D, or what will that fix. There are seads there...I know it is not my job to water them...but damn do I want to help those seeds grow.
Focus on me, am the only one I can fix.
You can water them, just not in the way you think directly. Keep being that lighthouse and do what you have been doing for the most part and it works.
Not sure how you will approach that subject on the spending, we had the same issues but it was both of us. My covert contracts of being a nice guy caused me to want to go out and spend needlessly and she did at times also. Whatever you do do, make sure its focused on you also and not just her, she will instantly get defensive if you start out with her.
Yep, focus on you and let her fix herself
Also, the amount of engineers on this site is concerning at times.
Also, the amount of engineers on this site is concerning at times.
Thanks Fogg,
We are fixers at our core. getting things running smoothly and leaving them alone IS WHAT WE DO. If I don't hear about system operational problems ... I know it things are working just fine.
Unlearning that behavior / mindset in relationships and learning how to foster growth, that is one of the reasons we are here.
So one more thing I need help with
Wife has been crazy busy and stressed with work and school and other stuff. I get how oppressive that can be for someone. I really appreciate her efforts, but she says that she feels like she is drowning, overwhelmed, only getting things 1/2 a$$ed done, failing, etc. I've taken all of the other slack with housework / cooking away...really without her asking me to do something else, I can't help any more than I am.
I am not positive if how I've been validating those kinds of feelings is right. I think she is doing a great job with it all, but saying THAT is almost a contradiction to her feelings, which I don't want to do. I can only say 'sorry you feel that way' or 'I know it is hard' or something like that so many times. I don't want to sound repetitive and let her understand that I am HEARING what she is saying.
thanks again...what would I do without YOU ALL.
Zephyr, another way that you can tell her that she's doing a great job is to change your language. I teach this to some of my co-teachers but I've noticed it has worked well for my H too.
So instead of saying, "You're doing a great job" Say something along the line of "I notice that you are really working hard on your coursework. Is there anything I can do to help?"
Or "I hear that your work has been stressful for you lately. Would you like to talk about it?"
perfect Eirinn!
thank you!!!!!!!
Hope you're doing something fun this weekend, Z. Just thinking of you.
Hey E. Friday was boring...took dogs for a walk is all.
Yesterday had a friends wedding st 11. Nice time. After we met some of the gang for drinks at a local place got home and all i wanted to do was nap
We have another wedding today. Will be bringing the kids to this one. Have a bunch of crap to do around the house so I am hoping I can get outside to do some yard work in while W does her studying before we have to go. In laws should be getting here in a little while so have some cleanup to do before they get her.
This week gal;
Monday ???
Tuesday - IC, swimming & Grocery store
Wed - guitar lesson & kids library visit
Thursday - fishing clinic then gym to go swimming.
Friday - friends over for games!
Lots to do. Still want to come up with something for Monday, but I suspect I will end up in the basement doing a work evening...needs to get done, just having [censored] for motivation lately on that front. (One of my most necessary 180's is finishing a project.). I am having run doing other stuff so it is harder to get up for it.
Thanks for checking in on me. I've been really trying to figure out what I can be doing differently to stop the he enmeshment. That is primary goal for IC this week. Thought wanting to do it would be good enough...but alas I am a moron...that is not enough. I am getting tired of the pursuit-pursuer dance me and wife are doing. Just stop right. How do I show wife she is cherishes and not be that person who is trying too hard at the same time.
I have been a great listener when she needs to talk of vent and am Happy to help with homework whenever she asks.
That to me is not pursuit. I have been trying to schedule more activities on my own. I have not been trying to do extra things around the house just fir her benefit...trying to buy ger affection. I have been not been initiating the huge or physical stuff with her as much as I have in the past...nowhere near it, but am glad to reciprocate when she offers. I feel like I am on the right track...but at the same Time I feel like she is still the center of my universe...Uugh.
Hi Zephyr, it's great that you are GALing so much, but a night off sometimes, without doing work downstairs can recharge your batteries as well, don't forget.
I'd be interested in hearing what your IC says about detaching. I know I am no where close to being as detached as I should be (example being last night). I think it's a process that we just need to go through. Wanting to is the first step, and then getting back up on the stupid horse every time we fall off. I'm getting bruises on my bruises from falling off, but I'm always stepping back up. My H is still the first person I think of when I wake up, (unless it's my son jumping on me), and the last that I think of before I fall asleep. I just keep trying to remind myself that I didn't learn how to walk the first day I tried either.
*hugs*
E
So instead of saying, "You're doing a great job" Say something along the line of "I notice that you are really working hard on your coursework. Is there anything I can do to help?"
Or "I hear that your work has been stressful for you lately. Would you like to talk about it?"
Hello Z,
I haven’t been on the board much this week, so I’m sorry if it seems like a life-time ago that I checked in with you. I agree with you. Eirinn had some excellent validating statements (above).
It sounds like you have a busy GAL ahead. Good! That has been one thing that has really helped me, even though I backslide at times. I feel SO much better about myself, getting out for a few laughs with friends, etc.
Hang in there, ok? We have your back!
Your buddy,
Bob
Give yourself a break. Your W knows how you feel. Don't stress about hat. Drop that rope Z. Don't slip back to the way you were. Refocus.
I would be interested in hearing what the vets think of your situation. But maybe it is not my place to ask. There does seem to be genuine improvements and even initiatives taken by W but still with underlying not fully committed. Can things improve bit by bit until everything clicks into place including obvious commitment? I ask this as much for me as for Z.
hi E, IC tonight so I will follow up if anything comes of it.
Bob, always thank you for your support!!!
Roiste,
"There does seem to be genuine improvements and even initiatives taken by W but still with underlying not fully committed."
That is precicely how things feel right now. I will continue to do what appears to be working as far as reconnecting with my wife and working on my happiness project. I know 'as a friend' has to happen first. I do not want to get stuck there. She has even said that she wants to be able to be that for me...in regards to a physically intimate partner. she has said multiple times she is working on that. It almost 'feels to me' like there is not very much desire for me in her heart still, to drive the rest of her to want to have relations.
Thank You All
Please do! She might need to start at friend to rediscover the desire though. You are doing awesome, so keep it up!
E
Zephyr,
You're welcome...you are always around for me as well.
Please, just take things slowly and try not to think too far into the future. That's where I back-slide.
You have this -- I KNOW you do.
Bob
This week gal;
Monday ???
Tuesday - IC, swimming & Grocery store
Wed - guitar lesson & kids library visit
Thursday - fishing clinic then gym to go swimming.
Friday - friends over for games!
Hi Z,
Just catching up on your thread. How was your IC appointment today? Looks like a great GAL list for the week, especially the fishing clinic!! I hope you are doing well.
So how did it go?
It is great that your W can say to you she wants to be more loving/initiating etc. We all know not to put stock on what is said but still she has said it a few times.
Regardless of the final outcome you are enjoying a better M than you were. There is LM, talking, validating and fun and most importantly some is nitiaed by w.
So I went to IC last night before i pickes up wife to go to gym and store.
Biggest pieces from session:
He loves how much time I am spending trying to find 'me' and learning how to be happy. He warns not to forget about all of who I am ... Try to be whole (dad, employee, husband).
We spoke about my interactions with wife. He felt that our interactions were way more positive. Yes espcially with wife wanting to do more with me. He said that it sounds like, with my positive attitude, listening, nurturing, etc. I am (trying to remember exactly how he put it) a constant state of posturing of invitation. I took that I am making myself someone who wife would want to come to and I have been welconeing her when she does.
This all led into the conversation of enmeshment / codependency. We spoke a lot about how my actions of trying to be a whole person are key. He even said that doing things for wife is ok as long ad imam not severing parts of me to do this. Make sure imam not supplicating myself to try to please her. Make sure I am not compromising who I am and what I am doing just for a chance that she may come close. Make sure that I am conscious ly giving from a place of love instead of trying to get something in return. (I am paraphrasing here, but that was my take from that).
Lastly we spoke for some time about my anxiety at work. After much digging he found my trigger. It turns out I have a deep trust issue with what I've been seeing with wife (as I ambsure she is with me). Ok I get that. Then here it is...when I start thinking about that thingsnturn to a place where I am convincing myself that ultimately it is ME that will eventually have to leave my family and file form divorce because I don't want to live in that state forever. My needs not being met and lied to and all of that. As soon as we had gotten to that point I was calm and collected. He kept digging and digging then boom, yearns and anxiety. Just like I felt at work.
He said I will need to try to allow myself to feel that fear and tell myself, yes. Against my core beliefs I may have to leave my wife. I then accept what I am saying to myself and say that whenever that happens I will be alright. Then I look at myself and say, I am not ready to give up and will keep going so it is not today that I will leave.
I will certainly try it.
Thank you all for hearing me...I did feel better after the session. E bob & roiste as always you guys keep me afloat and moving forward. BW thanks for reading up, I can't promise exciting stuff but I can promise long drawn out threads and lots of misspelled words
There is a lot of truth in that. It is a realisation I have pondered about. E old me would have already left and said f@#£ it. It is hard but what helps me is two things. I am sure I love and want me W and I am convinced we can be great together. Secondly I played my part in letting us get to this point. And she stayed when I was depressed. So I am willing to give it time to improve I will try my best to not focus on what I feel and what I am missing and work on what I can work on. I appreciate and value having my W in my life. I am lucky to be with the woman I love.
Ultimately I may have to decide to end our R. But for now I see it that if she wants out it is on her to assume that. I am not going to do the work for her.
Also I believe that there is a chance that if I go down that road it could even help W realise what she is losing. It should not be undertaken ad a tactic but still should be aware that making that decision does not mean it is the end, just that you have had enough of current situation.
But as you said, that is for another day. Thanks for sharing. As you have been guilty of the same thing in the past, I am talking about both our situations at once.
I often think of you and your situation. I'll hold off on mire questions and just let you know that I hope all is going your way and that you have a good weekend.
Roiste,
Me too
I know we are in a very similar sit, so fire Away with the questions. you might not get the answers you are looking for, but certainly it forces me to look at myself and be honest with what is going on...so it is actually appreciated.
As for this weekend. Well, I have had a great week so far, even went river fishing with S13, wading out into the water up to knees - something I WILL be doing again. Tonight we have some folks coming over for some social activities with some games and such. It is usually quite fun!
Tomorrow, we are going to Michigan to visit with the In-Laws and coming back Sunday night. I think they are going to try to get us out onto Lake Michigan in their new Boat and then perhaps a winery or brewery tour on the way back to their house so THAT is AWESOME!!!
How about you. What are your plans???
Hi Zephyr, I'm glad you had such a nice week! It sounds like your IC had a lot of great insight for you. It's so important to get the right match in that person.
I hope you have a great time with your in laws. Boating is always fun!
I'm not doing a whole lot this weekend, but hoping to relax.
E
Hi Zephyr! How did Michigan go? Any good breweries?
E
E,
So Michigan was pretty nice. No brewery tours or anything. We went up for sat and came home Sunday first thing.
Did get on lake michigan for about 20,minutes before the winds started howling and we had to get back to port. Another time ... And was still fun.
I this week is a short one. Boys are split up at each grand parents house and wife and I are going to big gaming con in Indianapolis. Love seeing all the people from all over that we've met over the years, costumes, new games and old favorites. Will be a blast. I haven't gone in 6 years because...well I was to involvwd with kids for a long while and didn't make the arrangements to go AND the last two years wife just wanted to go and I didn't feel like she wanted me with. Last year she didn't even text or call the whole week she was gone...um ya, retrospect the bells would be ringing load and clear...but I was too blind to see or too chicken to look too deeply at what could gave been going on. Sigh.
This year it has felt different. We are both looking forward to the trip. Will be off the grid for a few days starting Wednesday...am sure will have some fun to speak of when I get back.
(Hugs)