First Thread... New England Newcomer. Second Thread... So I am divorced.Third... I hucked a waterfall. Yep named the thread after a Trace Adkin's song...
Yesterday I took my D4 to her first fishing derby, which was her first fishing experience. Disclaimer. Proud Parent. You've been warned.... Happy, fun, thoughtful, excited, mostly patient, enthusiastic and by the end tired. That's how I'd describe her at her first fishing derby. Even more proud that she caught 2 (both over 10), handled them, tried to feed them in the bucket to keep them alive, won a bike and ATE what she caught! I'm grateful Pepere was there and that the R&G Club still puts this on. First Fishing Experience = Success!
My X was in London, so I had the kids for a week. I am beat, but it was wonderful. I explained to my S this AM, that his Mom was picking him up and he was disappointed he wasn't coming back. I reinforced their relationship, by explaining how excited she will be to see him, etc, etc. I did my part, as I am sure she will be very happy seeing them.
I will only see them Wed & 1/2 of Thur. The X is taking them on vacation to see her brother down south. Their first plane experience. I am bummed I will not be there. But I'm over it. D4 has a show Thur to finish out school. I'm contemplating wearing the new suit with or without a tie. D4 would love that.
I was briefed by her Mom this AM (at daycare) that X's father's kidney condition is worse than expected and he is fatiguing more quickly than expected. He will be looking at another kidney transplant within the near future (maybe within the next year). This is unfortunate, as my X has the same disease and I am sure sees some of herself in his situation.
We have had minimal communication over the last week. A couple phone calls and a couple texts all about talking to the kids. I try to focus on doing what works. However, I don't think I am. In implementing LRT and not bringing topics to her (pursuing), we talk even less, and I've received no indications of any sort of success. Perhaps that is success.
I'd like to read situations where there was a D or a long S, in which people reconciled. I tried to find Coach and Greek's posts, but can't seem to locate them. Anyone else have recommendations of situations I should read?
I haven't read the whole sitch, but Crimson over in Piecing is divorced and now piecing....
Fishing derby sounds awesome! So glad you both enjoyed it!
Thanks Lost! It was we had a ton of fun.
Lost... You were definitely right. I started with Crimson's first posts back in 2011 and go through to the beginning of 2012. I have felt or am feeling so so many of the things he felt. I think it is extremely important for us to remember all the people that came before us and to learn from those who have turned it around or have an opportunity to turn it around.
Any LBH's go read Crimson's Threads! Posts by Crimson
I'm glad you can relate! I think I need to find a thread that I can relate to and read it from start to finish instead of just bits and pieces.
Hope you're having a good week!
Thanks Lost. It has been a good week so far.
I never talked about my meeting last week. It went very very well! The state is going to help us reach our goals. I have been focusing a lot of time on my startups and really neglecting my full time job, which is bad. Furthermore, next week my partner and I are going to work out of shared workspace Monday - Friday for the next two months. Another push to see if we can really make it happen. All signs point to yes! I also applied to a local school as a math and/or physics teacher. Another push to get out of the working from home life. I need to be with people.
Tomorrow my D has an end of school show, and later in the day they all fly out on vacation. So last night I spent some money new boxers, undershirt, socks, dress pants, and two dress shirts (I couldn't decide). In the changing room I was hit on by an older woman who said I was going to look really good, then she winked at me. It felt nice. Although, I used to be a size Large and shopping yesterday I was in Medium (and lost 2 inches on my waist). So that was a hit to my ego, but I am in better shape. Anyway... I also will get my D flowers for after her show, and I picked up new swimsuits and headphones for the kids on vacation. So Operation: BE A PERSON ONLY A FOOL WOULD LEAVE is a GO. At the show tomorrow will be X, X's Mom, My Mom and X's Sister (maybe X's Sister's kids). I am planning on being social and focused towards the kids. I will leave the group to take care and/or play with them. Also, I have already conversed with X to take our 2 kids out to lunch before their flight. I will not be going to the airport with them.
As for this AM. She reached out to me, out of necessity. Here is the correspondence.
X: Morning! Can you bring the kids birth certificates to my moms today? Or bring them tomorrow, which ever is easier. Thanks!
Me: Sure. Do you need copies or originals? Because of the show & the upcoming vacation I’d like to take D4 and S2 out to lunch after the show tomorrow. I can drop them off at your place after lunch. Are you okay with this?
X: Of course. We are planning to leave for the airport at 1:00, can you be at my parents by then to drop them? I need the originals.
Me: Yes.
An hour later...
I called her and explained I could not find D4's birth certificate, and asked if perhaps she knew why it wasn't where it should be. Did we use it for anything, etc. I never pinned it on her in any way.
An hour later....
Me: The office looks like bomb dropped but I still can't find it. Here is the address to get another printed. LOCAL ADDRESS
X: Okay, thanks for checking!
Me: You are welcome. I wish I had found it, I'm sure you have enough to do.
X: I just talked to SISTER and she had to get one for NEICE this morning. It only took like five minutes, so no worries!
30 minutes later...
X: Should I get presents for Katie's teachers for tomorrow, or have her bring them next week for her class? What do you think?
Me: I think next week is totally acceptable.
X: Okay!
Leave it to her for asking for something this important the day before. I think that is fairly symbolic of her new life, as she is an Event Planner, who never plans in her own life. Regardless, she did thank me. I take that as a win, as she hasn't thanked me for anything in many many many months. Small victories.
Leave it to her for asking for something this important the day before. I think that is fairly symbolic of her new life, as she is an Event Planner, who never plans in her own life. Regardless, she did thank me. I take that as a win, as she hasn't thanked me for anything in many many many months. Small victories.
Hey mahhhty!
I love the name of your new thread. And you're welcome...you thanked me for checking in on you at the end of your last thread. Thank YOU for checking on me the last day or so. I got a text from my W today and Wonka already replied.
Back to you, the reason I am here. I am so happy for you that the meeting went well. Good for you! I couldn't be any happier for someone. I'm also thrilled that Lost remembered about Crimson. (Thanks Lost!) As I was going thru your posts, I knew there were several success stories and, honestly, I seemed to recall a forum name that had to do with a color...hahaha...but not sure I would've rememebered. Thanks for posting Crimson's thread, mahhhty, into yours.
I am going to celebrate your "small victory" with you, if you don't mind. I agree, it is a start and seems positive. Yay!! Also, please remember not to read too much into it for your own sake. How's that for a short celebration?
Read all you can about Crimson's sitch. I will too when I have time.
For now, please take care of yourself. It sounds like you're doing as well as you possibly can.
Keep your chin up my friend and don't quit now.
Bob
I love reading all the positives in your sitch. Great news on your start-up, I was wondering about that the other day but forgot to ask...
I do have a question for you...did your X really use all those exclamation points? Funny how I noticed that, not that that means anything but she could've dropped a few! LOL
I do have a question for you...did your X really use all those exclamation points? Funny how I noticed that, not that that means anything but she could've dropped a few! LOL
Lost, you are a riot! LOL
Bob
"Although, I used to be a size Large and shopping yesterday I was in Medium (and lost 2 inches on my waist). So that was a hit to my ego, but I am in better shape."
This must be male talk because I don't understand how dropping a size and losing inches around your waist is a hit to your ego!?!?!
Thanks for checking in Bob. I appreciate it!
Lost....
"I do have a question for you...did your X really use all those exclamation points? Funny how I noticed that, not that that means anything but she could've dropped a few! LOL"
That conversation was copied verbatim from my phone! I know right. It is odd.
"This must be male talk because I don't understand how dropping a size and losing inches around your waist is a hit to your ego!?!?!"
You are right. Straight ego. I am in better physical condition but complaining about going down a size.
So so so proud of my Girl. She had a Pre-Preschool Graduation (I know I'm ridiculous right) and I am a happy father of a thoughtful smart lil' woman.
In other news. X was very pleasant today, but I made it so so easy for her. I looked good, smelled good, and was very pleasant. I saw her Grandmother, Mother, Father and Sister. All of which received me well and gave me hugs (except her). Although she was very cordial and multiple times tried to talk to me about things.
They flew out today and she called me (as I had asked her too) in order to talk to the kids about their first flight. That too went well.
But all this good news, has left me a little unsatisfied tonight. I am thinking about taking off to kayak for the next 4 days, and get the H out of here.
I love that you are such a proud, loving father! And any good woman will too!
We will miss you while you're out GALing! Have fun!
How was your weekend, sir?
Bob
Had a great weekend! Paddled about 40 miles in 4 days on 4 different rivers. All and all it was very fun. I did this with 7 guys I didn't know 6 months ago. So I am definitely putting myself out there in the paddling realm. I was exhausted, but managed a small workout last night (while drinking a beer). Not my most effective workout. I need to detox a little in the upcoming week.
It was fantastic to see the kids yesterday. I truly missed them very very much!
The X & kids had a great time down south. The X sent me a video of my S & D flying on the plane, which was nice. She then called me when they landed, so I could talk to them, also nice. While they were on vacation I didn't call them at all. I didn't want to be a part of their vacation. A couple days into the vacation, my X sent me a picture of my S with camo shorts, black sandals, white thermal, and a baseball hat (that is my go to outfit). She captioned it with "I told S he looks just like Daddy." Also nice.
Mon & Tues I had meetings up north for the startup, both of which went well.
Today I noticed that the X figured out I unfollowed her on instagram, and she did the same. I also noticed that she is going through old pictures on FB and de-tagging or deleting them. Both of which are bummers, but foreseeable.
There is a piece of me who wants to ask her... "Are you happy?" Or ask her Dad or Sister... "Do you think she is happy?" or "Do you think her and I are possible?"
Obviously, this is old brain thinking. It would get back to her. And is just my own insecurities that want validation for my ideas of hope.
In the words of Squiggy, I have to keep on trucking.
Sounds like your GAL is in full swing. If my body permits I will be Dragonboating this summer. Love getting out on the water and paddling. Nothing else exists. No cell phones, no computers, no spouses (or exes) just you, your paddle and the water.
One thing that always surprises me with many on here is the speed of divorces.
Here in Canada you usually have to wait a year after separation to file for divorce. If there are kids involved it takes even longer. This gives people some cool down time before making a possible huge mistake.
Anyways, glad to hear you keep trucking, fishing or paddling along.
Diana - You are so right. Paddling is definitely a flow moment. Something that totally engulfs your body and brain. You can't concentrate on anything else except that. Thank you for swinging by!
I read and tried to respond to a lot of people last night and this AM. I feel like there is a whole new crowd in here, and over the weekend I really lost touch with other people's situations.
In doing so, I realized that I have not revisited my plan, goals or aspirations since 12/10/2015. So I copied the old ones and modified them.
Work on me:
My goal is to be happier, healthier, and to be a better Father, Son, & Friend.
Continue to
-re-identify with myself, becoming more self-confident & self-reliant
-be more verbally supportive of her, STFU & listen
-be present (live in the moment, with no distractions when people are around)
-be happier (GAL, live a life of no compromises, live my life, be a person only a fool would leave)
-be mindful that everything is not black and white (I’m not always right, I don’t always know what is best, & I need to continue to be aware to learn from others & life)
-be more grateful, aware & appreciative
-be laid back, compassionate & understanding
-be attractive each and everyday
-work out
-travel less for day job -> then leave day job -> work for myself
-make the bed daily!
What I’d like to see from her:
-to be warm & pleasant towards me
-to pursue & approach me
-to initiate relationship talks
-to give compliments, no matter how big or small
-to show remorse
-for her to kiss me
Find Strength & Inspiration in:
-GAL’ing
-Sandi’s Rules
-Serenity Prayer
-"Be the change you wish to see in the world" - Gandhi
-"The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire." - Nixon
-With time comes clarity
-"Act as if by showing that you will be happy regardless of S's choice. You show strength by finding some new friends/activities aside from spouse. Actions speak louder than words." - Someone in the forum, much smarter than me
“I will tell you what Coach did to win me back - after I left our home and filed for D. He stopped doing all the other things that got me to the point of walking out of the door. He stopped trying to arrange my reactions. He stopped trying to control what I would think or do. He stopped telling me how I should feel. He stopped telling me what would happen if... He dropped the rope and said WITH HIS ACTIONS: "Greek, I can see that you are hell bent on leaving for reasons that you have made abundantly clear to me. Some of those reasons have merit and I will deal with them for my own sake. But I can't keep you here and I won't try. The action I will take is to work on areas in my life that have contributed to the difficulties in our R and other R in my life; I will begin to take care of myself in a way I have neglected for some time now (GAL); I will handle protect myself against the legal action you took against our M; I will conduct myself with strength and honor." This was and is totally attractive! It's strong. It's confident. It's respectful - both of me and of Coach. It's not about 'doing nothing.' It's about doing what works - putting the ACTION in the right place. -Greek”
Wow!!!!
Great post mahhhty. Any GAL activities for this weekend?
Your friend always...
Bob
Hey Bob...
I hope all is well with you.
Tonight we went swimming and had dinner with my parents. My D was the first person in the pool this year. That is the first time in like 20 years that I wasn't the first one in. She's her Daddy's Daughter.
Tomorrow we will pick up around the house and might hit the beach in the afternoon. As for Sunday we are going to get on the boat and go fishing.
Tonight we went swimming and had dinner with my parents. My D was the first person in the pool this year. That is the first time in like 20 years that I wasn't the first one in. She's her Daddy's Daughter.
Hey mahhhty,
She sure is buddy! I am doing well. I finally decided to look at my own thread and just posted.
Have a fun weekend! You deserve it.
Bob
Got a question for you all. Need some help identifying the high road. My x still hasn't taken me up on my co parenting meeting offer. So issues are just growing and my sons birthday is coming up. We used to always have birthday parties for the kids here. I will be taking him out on his birthday (as I have him and it's during the week). Then the following weekend I think I'm going to throw him a party.
I think what I need to do is invite her to his birthday dinner and explain to her my plans for his birthday party. Thoughts?
mahhhty, you are divorced right? I have been in and out on your situation.
I think we are in the same boat. I have a b-day coming up this weekend. Here is what I am doing. I am taking my kids camping, they love it and this is what he wanted to do. I am not inviting the XW.
We used to have a joint birthday party as my boy's b-days are within a month of each other; we would invite both sides of the family and friends and have a big to do. When we first divorced I think she assumed we would be friends and still do the joint part etc.
My opinion is when she decided to pursue the OM and want the D, she lost any chance of me wanting to "act" like a family with her, no more of me serving her cake.
I am now dark when it comes to interactions with my XW.
When it comes to the b-day, she will not be invited to any of the festivities I have planned. She is not welcome to the life I am leading now. She decided that when she wanted the D.
In other words, I would not tell her your plans or invite her to anything. You are divorced and she has no right to your family.
It may sound harsh, but that is how I feel. She will not get any more cake from me, literal or figurative.
That's a tough one, mahhhty. Gogofo brings up some good points in regards to DB etiquette and essentially not letting them have their cake and eat it too (PUN).
However, and this is something that I had to deal with on my son's most recent birthday, you have to consider who you are really affecting with this decision. It might be hard for you to have her at your child's party, but the party really isn't about you. It's about your child. Would it be good for them to have both of their parents at their party? Should you "punish" your child because of your x's actions?
I don't know all the details so only you can know what the right thing to do is. You mentioned that she still hasn't taken you up on co-parenting classes - so i guess I would ask you if you are at all concerned about making a scene at the dinner/party?
Sorry if I am missing the point of your question here or misread the situation. Just thought I'd throw in my 2c.
Keep on keeping on, bud!
Thanks gogo & lnly....
I'm not at all concerned with my behavior. I can control myself (at least I think). I am more concerned about doing what is right for the kids, and if I should present her the opportunity to celebrate S's birthday dinner (even though it is my day) or if I should have the birthday party at all.
I know the party will be tough. Mixed friends and family. I am sure it will be tough, but the kids are already talking about it.
Hi just my 2 pence worth but I would have thought that this s a bout you S and his birthday. No matter what your W has done she is still your sons mum. You seem to have decided to invite her so I would follow your gut. It's tough for you but S must come first
Take care. Rd
Well a small mistake mixed in with an incorrect assumption, and viola my plans are now up in the air. She had changed the color coding on our parenting spreadsheet (baseline dates are one set of colors, and changes are another), but I never caught it until now.
Heres the email exchange... I had a lot of other bad things in the third email, but I toned it way way down. At the crux of my problem is broken communication lines, and that although we may be doing the best we can by ourselves, we are not doing the best we can as two coparents.
First - "X, I never lined up the May & June Schedules until this AM. The first week in June is incorrect per the schedule, as a result I have them back to back weekends, when you should have them the first weekend in June. As I am sure you are busy, would you like me to update the schedule? Mahhhty"
Second - "Mahhhty, I realize that. My parents are bringing them to the airport Thursday to pick me up and then I will have time off with them, so my weekend starts earlier. It's just one of those weeks that does not fit into the schedule. Plus, I wanted to make it so that you had them Fathers Day weekend. On a separate note, what are your thoughts about S's birthday?
X"
Third - "Last week, I started to plan out his birthday, under the incorrect assumption that I had the kids the following weekend.
My plan for birthday dinner was to go out or to get {restaurant} chicken fingers at the house, so he could open presents & have cake. For the weekend, I was planning a party on Saturday, and I have almost finished his birthday invites, menu & to do list."
BTW Thanks RD!
& I hate Mondays.
Next round...
From X
"You know it's not fair that you have him on his Birthday and the weekend after. Have it the following weekend when you them for Fathers Day."
My Response
"I can understand how that isn't fair and I agree. I assumed it to be true and excused it without much thought (thinking you were traveling). As for the birthday dinner and the party, perhaps, I wasn’t clear. I want what S2 and D4 want, which will be for us to all celebrate together. In that light, I was hoping you would participate in dinner & collaborate with me on the party."
I did pursue her a little, but I have been in the dark for a long time. And this is my S's birthday. So I did put her on the spot. Perhaps I will learn something.
Any thoughts on how I am handling these things?
Sounds like it might be a little too late for my opinion but I would have said not to including her in dinner, but ok to collaborate on a party.
As for this "You know it's not fair that you have him on his Birthday and the weekend after. Have it the following weekend when you them for Fathers Day."
Life's not always fair and I'm sure in the future (as there will be many, many more birthdays) it won't work out so well for you. Last time I checked this is what SHE wanted....
Thanks Lost. I guess a little late. My motivation is for the kids. Her responses always push my buttons, they seem always self-serving.
Nothing about this is fair. There are still parts of me, that come out in times of weakness, which wants to tell her all the things I have stockpiled. And most come from the idea that I'm used to understanding whats going on and when I don't understand something I am usually able to learn or get questions answered, but in this questions remain. Which I know will remain until the day that she wants to talk to me, not me wanting to talk to her.
I have no idea what enables her from day to day, or what fuels her thinking. I have seen her a handful of times in 2015, which is approaching the mid point. From what I see it isn't good, shallow conversation, dodging any coparenting, averting any conversations or tasks, and physically I've noticed she only ever has her hair up. She used to always wear it down, and only up when she runs. I think thats interesting.
Anyway Thanks Lost. She hasn't written back. Who knows what she'll say next.
Mahhhty,
I have no experience with navigating children's birthday parties but I am quickly approaching two in my own sitch.
I can't imagine how tough it is to organize the simplest of tasks when one parent refuses to cooperate.
Often times I've told myself that my STBX deserves to make her own choices and be happy. For a second or two, I wonder if she is happy. Then, I realize I don't even know her anymore.
Thanks D. You are absolutely right. I don't know anything about her.
So email conversation ended Monday with my last response. She didn't call M or Tues to talk to the kids. But she did FaceTime with her Mother to see them at Daycare. It is interesting to me that she FaceTimed her Mother but has never FaceTimed me since the D.
So my conclusion is that... I pursued & she went dark. Experiment failed. She is not interested in participating in his birthday or working on a joint party with me or coparenting in anyway. I guess it is time to go dark again.
I will try to plan some other type of birthday party for S. Perhaps move it up to this weekend & on his birthday I will have him. We will plan on going to the Zoo, Aquarium or the Children's Museum.
Although I need to go even darker. I am thinking about stating some sort of boundary associated to the confusion around the schedule (we should have discussed a major change, but didn't bc it was incorrectly identified, I could speculate that it is self-serving but I won't... oh wait I already did). Also, the lack of coparenting is driving me crazy. I want to place D in Art Classes over the summer, and have received less than anything from X. Any Advice?
I forgot I had a DB appointment today.
DB Coach and I talked about coparenting items. If it is for the better of the kids, I should follow up as required until a decision is made. Within correspondence should be a failsafe to promote decision making. Something like "if I don't hear from you by X day, I'll go with option 1." I will need to be prepared for fall out as a result of a control struggle. But I should try to separate feelings from facts, stay out of arguments & validate.
I'm going to email her later tonight.
PS I love my DB Coach.
All sounds good Mahhhty. I got the tip from Jim of saying 'I'll do X unless I hear from you by Y.' I spent so long just waiting to hear back from H on things and patiently DBing, but feeling so frustrated.
I'm so glad to get a little power back through this approach. It's such a good little technique for those of us with sloooooooow spouses. I can work to my timescales instead of his - yay!! And if your W has concerns, well she can just come back to you within the deadline can't she??
I'm so glad to get a little power back through this approach. It's such a good little technique for those of us with sloooooooow spouses. I can work to my timescales instead of his - yay!! And if your W has concerns, well she can just come back to you within the deadline can't she??
Toots - I know right! It does make a lot of sense to try and get resolution on things. It never ceases to amaze me how my brain is already predisposition-ed to think the way I always have, but tips like this will definitely help.
As if, she was in the next room and knew I was frustrated, she emailed me back. "Please let me know what I can do for the parties. I would like to make the cake for his party. Can you send me info on what you have planned so far? PS I've been face timing them at my moms in the morning instead of calling at night."
Its interesting. What I took away from this... I learned a new approach to implement. I learned that I need to have more patience. That I need to detach more. And besides that I need to keep doing what I am doing.
So... She is legit working with me for S2's birthday and birthday party. And as if she is reading this thread, this AM she was wearing her hair down. First time I have seen her with her hair down in months.
Interesting.
The exchange this AM went well. There was a lot of discussion with eye contact. It was light.
Mahhhty
I see your wise words on others threads and thought I would visit and say hi.
I usually follow Toots around agreeing with her. It's quite a trending skill.
In this case the negative option will speed things up decision wise.
My caution would be to treat that method like gold dust and on important issues. let the unimportant take their time to resolve. Use sparingly and when needed, what doctors refer to as the minimal effective dose. A cooperative ex is worth more in the longer run. It's kind of training exW to respond, you wouldn't use a stick when a carrot is better. And if there is no hurry in the journey why use the whip, just pootle. It will be more effective and you won't be perceived as always impatient.
And who wouldn't want to be at a fun party?
Smiles
V
V - You are definitely right! I don't plan on being very confrontational and will use that method sparingly. I haven't been for confrontational for months, although that is something I do struggle with on the inside, as I talk about it quite a bit here.
I'm not going to lie. I'm slightly nervous to be seeing her so consistently. I will see her Thursday night for dinner (on S's birthday), and then all day Saturday for the party.
The party is going to be very small in comparison to parties in the past, which will be good. But I will have a lot less buffers between me and her. I'm planning on not drinking that much & playing with the kids when I am not cooking.
Any advice? For interaction, this is a big week with a long to do list.
Mahhhty
You might want a quick look at ODs thread as he has dealt with this recently in his life. (Old Dog)
Nervous, I understand that. Now is your chance to shine, smart caual of course with aftershave. listen to a cheerful tune or two that will make you feel lively throughout. You can even sing along whilst you cook. Childrens songs are particularly great for that. I am sure you have some cheer up songs on tap. Shake that booty in fun. No alcohol at all, have your tipple afterwards in private.
You have two lovely kids, you could plan a small proper activity and a friendly face to talk to and sit next to. It would help if you can be the first of the two to be unavailable.
And smile, keep on smiling and smiling.
A tip my IC gave me was this; if looking at W is hard especially at her face or in the eyes, then concentrate your gaze at the middle of the forehead or between the eyebrows. The other cant tell and it looks like you are 'seeing' them. To create distance donot invade body space in the inner circle, ie 2/3 arms length. Never stand over W if she is sitting and no pointing fingers.
Relax, if you can. If you feel nervous take three very deep long breaths.
I did say smile? I am sure I did! It softens the tone of the voice.
If you want to feel loving then smile at your two fantastic little ones. At the birthday boy and his cake, toys, or presents.
Act as if it is going to be ok and it will be.
I am sure others here will have some great ideas too.
Smile
V
Absolutely V! This is a great montra to live by for the party!
Thank you!
To all my DB friends out there listen to V, just keep smiling. Also, I'm sorry I haven't checked in on people lately. It's been hectic on all fronts and my baby boy is turning 3 tomorrow.
I'm well overdue for a better update but I'm beat. I'm taking the kids to a children's museum tomorrow, and x is coming over for presents cake and ice cream tomorrow night. Then the party on Saturday. A lot is going on.
I will say this, she forgot to pack something's for the kids and brought it over tonight. My girl is no dummy, the first question she asked was "are you going to stay here at home with us tonight." Broke my heart but I pretended I did t hear it.
Anyway wish me luck. I'll need it!
Best of luck Mahhhty, you got this! Following V's advice has been huge for me, you're in good hands.
mahhhty, that is a difficult position to be in. You know what though? You are a strong guy. I've seen that in how much growth you've made during your situation and through the advice I've seen you give me and others. You're an amazing guy, and you'll make it.
Deep breaths, smile, have fun. Forget about her and the situation and just enjoy the time with the children.
From all the I've read, V is the expert on fun! Definitely follow her advice.
On a side note, since I'm kind of pressed for time, I'm glad you finally got to the point you've reached in your sitch, V. I never posted, but closely followed. You are an example to us all.
Best of luck Mahhhty, you got this! Following V's advice has been huge for me, you're in good hands.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hello my friend! You DO have this. PigPen is right about all the above.
Good luck Mahhhty.
Bob
Thanks Sqig, I am awaiting your post!
There is a danger you may join the kindergarten crew.
Mahhhty waiting to hear about how much cake was eaten!
V
Thanks You All for the support!!!!! X came over Thursday night and the party is today. I'll follow up tonight or tomorrow.
It was really nice signing in quickly yesterday to see the outpouring of support. I'd like to thank everyone again.
It's been a busy couple of days, here is a quick recap.
Thursday was my S's birthday. I took him and his sister to a Children's Museum. It was great. We had a wonderful time. I was a little nervous going into the city with two younglings but we had a blast! Thursday night X came over, and brought dinner. We opened presents, had dinner then had cake. That was the first time we spent significant time together in roughly 6 or 7 months. Parts were slightly awkward, others were fine and some were fun. My S had a really hard time with her leaving, and my D asked repeatedly why she wasn't staying. They still associate her home as our home. Here.
Friday she picked up the kids. During the pickup I saw a CT newspaper with the sports section pulled out and on top. She works in CT, but is not a sports buff. Obviously, there could be many reasons for the paper. But my mind goes towards the idea of an OM. But that doesn't matter.
Saturday was the party here. It went very well. I felt as if she stayed in her comfort zone, which is understandable (stayed closed to her family). Her family approached me at different times to say how it was great that we were all together. There was definitely an interesting dynamic. I had a long talk with my older sister after the party and she said that if anyone didn't know they would think it was just another party at our house, and she said that I seemed really happy. So from my perspective mission accomplished. I think I accomplished exactly what I was supposed to.
Today I spent the day picking up and recouping. Then at 9 PM I get this text from her "Sorry for the last minute notice, but I finally secured my dad, BIL and BIL's friend's trailer to get the washer, dryer, and treadmill. Can they come by tomorrow evening for those? Sorry, they have been dodging me for months on this."
I thought about many different responses, how it was rude and disrespectful to ask for such a request the night before, less than 24 hours. But then I realized it does not matter. So I responded with "No. I will not be home." Simple and to the point. She has not written back. Nor do I expect her too. She didn't get her way.
I was thinking about me during this process. I lost three close relatives/family friends, got divorced, started a business, gained a lot of emotional intelligence, new found thirst for life, etc etc etc. During this she has not once asked me a question about me. How are you? or anything close. I think that is sad, but it is only fuel to help me detach and create a business relationship with her.
I was thinking about me during this process. I lost three close relatives/family friends, got divorced, started a business, gained a lot of emotional intelligence, new found thirst for life, etc etc etc. During this she has not once asked me a question about me. How are you? or anything close. I think that is sad, but it is only fuel to help me detach and create a business relationship with her.
Hello Mahhhty,
Wow...you sure were busy, weren't you? Whew.
Your quote above almost makes me want to cry because we all love you so much--you are such a caring guy! I can't count the number of times you have helped me and others. For your XW to not ask even once how you are doing is so cold.
I love the way you turned it into a positive: "but it is only fuel to help me detach" Good for you!
Don't ever stop being you. Something good is going to happen for you soon. I just have this feeling.
You are hanging tough, my friend.
Bob
As predicted I never did receive a response in regards to my text response. Similarly, she was very short last night on the phone. Undoubtably upset, that I dismissed her request.
I'm coming up on another almost 9 day stint with the kids. To my knowledge this will be the third time, she has traveled so I get the kids for an extended period of time. I don't mind one bit. As I will always be there for the kids and look forward to our time together.
I'd be lying if I said this past weekend didn't throw me into a little funk. I suppose its from Interacting that much, when there has been a huge lack of interaction recently. This AM, I heard this, "the grass is greener where you water it, not on the other side." Interesting concept that I agree with.
"Sometime the grass will appear greener on the other side because it has been fertilized by bullsh!t!"
Hope your funk passes soon, I know it is difficult to have so much interaction. Enjoy your time with your kiddos!
It's great that you are thinking of yourself during this process because like you said they don't even care to ask how we feel. Keep setting those boundaries to protect your hard work...and keep watering the grass on your side of the fence.
teach - She left when the hose was kinked & broken, thinking it could never be repaired. It most certainly can and will be fixed.
lost - I'm fine now. Just a little funk, where I wasn't eating right, exercising or doing anything to make myself feel better. What about you? Are you holding up alright?
Bob - Thanks for swinging by the other day.
Mahhhty, you're welcome, my friend. Thank you for swinging by my thread, too. You brought a huge smile to my face when you mentioned that I have so many "followers." That was kind of you to say. You do as well.
I can understand how you feel when you wrote this in a recent post:
"I'd be lying if I said this past weekend didn't throw me into a little funk. I suppose its from Interacting that much, when there has been a huge lack of interaction recently."
This happens to me sometimes whem my W sends me a "nice" text, then she follows up with that "nasty" one from last Friday.
Do you feel like you had any expectations? Or did it just feel good, which I could certainly see throwing you, or anyone in your shoes, into a "funk."
Buddy, please hang in there, we don't know what tomorrow will bring! PMA!
Bob
Thanks Bob. I don't think I had any expectations, it was just familiar. Familiar to have her here, in the house with the kids, playing, preparing, etc.
As for PMA, I am doing my best. The startups are taking a lot more time, and are sometimes stressful. I was offered a promotion yesterday at my full time job. However, it would require me to be in the office a lot more. I'm not sure, but I think I will turn it down to continue to be in the driver seat of my life.
Mahhhty,
Congrats on the promotion even if you pass on it. I'm sure it still feels good. Stay positive. Keep focusing on you and the happiness we are all searching for.
Hi Mahhhty,
You're very welcome, sir. I get what you mean, "Familiar to have her here, in the house with the kids, playing, preparing, etc." It's good for your sake that you didn't have any expectations.
I read about the promotion offer. Whether you take it or choose not to, congratulations buddy!
I wish you all the best.
Bob
Thanks Defacto & Bob. I passed on the promotion today. It is for a job I know I could handle but choose not to at this time (I am promised another position when a new contract is signed.... this gives me more time to work on the startups).
You're welcome, mahhhty. It sounds like you made a wise move.
Good for you and good luck.
I hope you enjoy your Father's Day weekend!
Bob
Very interesting day....
I dropped the kids off at daycare this AM (X - MIL runs the daycare). She started telling me how my X-FIL is not doing so good. How his previous kidney transplant may be failing and the other strains on his body as a result.
As the day went on, I couldn't help getting that idea out of my head. I started thinking about all the lost time because of the D. A group of us (him, myself, my friend and X-BIL) all used to hang out frequently (bars, golf, etc). I then started thinking about my S's birthday party and how everyone said they had a good time and it was good to get together, etc. So I decided to approach the group to see if everyone wanted to get a drink tomorrow. They all said yes.
Day continued with me picking up the kids. When I got there X-MIL was with X-SIL (and her daughters). My X-SIL handed me a picture frame. She had sat down with my kids and had them paint me a canvas picture frame (with their handprints, footprints & finger painting). Which they did today. It is beautiful and so so thoughtful. Yesterday I got my Fathers Day presents from the X that she did with the kids, which is a step up from painting on computer paper. As my kids are so very proud of all their artwork, so I am. I display it all very proudly. However X-SIL's present obviously had more thought behind it.
Then tonight, X called my work cell and didn't leave a message. I was going to text her back, but choose not to. I would think if she really needed something she would leave a message or a text.
In summary, as the day played out I realized that through all of this, these people still care about me, and I care about them.
I'm not sure how my X would view this. It would be very easy for her to continue to play a victim aka point at others....
to say that her family is siding with me.
to say that they aren't supporting her.
to say they aren't listening to her.
I imagine if she were to play the victim still, it would still be bc she has chosen not to be introspective or learn. But honestly, this is all just a guess. Only she would know her reaction to this.
You're welcome, mahhhty. It sounds like you made a wise move.
Good for you and good luck.
I hope you enjoy your Father's Day weekend!
Bob
Thanks Bob! And Happy Father's Day! Any plans?
You're welcome mahhhty. Yes, I am going to meet up with my children for lunch right on Father's Day. I am really looking forward to it. And how about you?
It sounds like you had an interesting day, Mahhhty. I used to love it when my children were very young and would give me some kind of artwork. I cherish it and still have it all, even though all 3 are now in college. It sounds like they had so much fun doing that for you - an awesome Dad!
You wrote something that kind of puzzles me:
"In summary, as the day played out I realized that through all of this, these people still care about me, and I care about them.
I'm not sure how my X would view this. It would be very easy for her to continue to play a victim aka point at others....
to say that her family is siding with me.
to say that they aren't supporting her.
to say they aren't listening to her."It's terrific that your X-MIL and X-SIL still care about you. I have no doubt that they do. You were a big part of their lives.
But, I have 2 questions for you. Why do you care how your X views this? Do you really think that your X would say that her family is siding with you, etc.?
Here's my take on it. For now, stay focused on you and your children, like you've been doing. If you do, and your X sees consistent behavior by you, who knows where it could lead? I'm afraid that she'll be able to tell (eventually) that you are wondering about these things. If she catches on, I don't think she'll find it very attractive. You have to continue to act like these types of things don't bother you. Let her play the victim - just don't fall for it.
Does this make any sense? So many times, I thought I was on to something and you did not hesitate to say what needed to be said to help me. Thank God you have been there for me. I hope this helps.
What do others think?
Stay strong buddy. I am always pulling for you.
Bob
Thanks Bob! I'm thinking of grilling some steaks. And I have a massive swingset to put together for the kids.
To your question... I'm just wondering how she would view it, bc early on she felt her family sided with me (she told me many times that she lost her voice). But that is her cross to bear. I'm not trying to get closer to her family or to play her family in anyway, to get closer to her. I'm just choosing to hang out with people I care about.
Does that make sense?
Mahhhty,
At this point, it doesn't matter what XW thinks. As long as your intentions are legit, do whatever makes you happy. Btw happy Father's Day!
Mahhhty,
At this point, it doesn't matter what XW thinks. As long as your intentions are legit, do whatever makes you happy. Btw happy Father's Day!
You know what... You are absolutely right! Thanks Defacto!!!
Congratulations on the promo!
Bit belated I know.
Anyway, just to observe, you will never full understand anothers headspace and just when you do it changes.
Folks is like that! All queer........
So said my nan and she was wise.
Oh and she used the q word in the Victorian way, as in 'I felt all queer in myself today, all out of sorts, unnecessary even'
V
Hahaha. Nan is very wise! Thanks V. I bet I would have liked hanging out with her.
Just got back from drinks with X-FIL and Co. We had fun.
I realize this concept (DB) only works if I provide the space for her to come back on her own. Pursuit by me is futile. The next piece I need to fully accept is to stop mind-reading.
To your question... I'm just wondering how she would view it, bc early on she felt her family sided with me (she told me many times that she lost her voice). But that is her cross to bear. I'm not trying to get closer to her family or to play her family in anyway, to get closer to her. I'm just choosing to hang out with people I care about.
Does that make sense?
Hey Mahhhty,
Sounds great, may I please join you for the steaks? Between my children and me, I promise we won't eat more than half a dozen.
Yes, it does make perfect sense. Now I understand why you were wondering what your EX thought about it.
Again, Happy Father's Day. Good luck with the swingset.
Bob
Can I have some cheeeeeeese please?
Black n blue steak suits me nicely.
Casual with that interaction, sounds like great GAL.
V
Happy Fathers Day Mahhhty!
I know I haven't been around much but wanted to check in and let you know it is not because I have forgotten any of the great people on on this site!
Bob - Happy Father's Day! Your steak was done by you weren't here so I ate it. Maybe next time. You definitely got some good feedback from Sandi the last couple days. I too read many things that brought a new light to my situation or challenged my thinking. Thats the benefit of experience & education I guess.
V - Black & Blue is delicious, have you ever tried gorgonzola on a steak? Thats my favorite but blue cheese is a close second!
Lost - I love that you stopped by to wish me a Happy Fathers Day... Thank you. But I'd love to get a better understanding where you are and how your doing?
Father's Day was good. Slightly hectic. Spent two days working on the kids new playground. We were mostly rained out today, so I played with the kids all morning. We made the both Grandfather's Father's Day Cards. Played many different games. Did some laundry as a group & even some cleaning.
Twice randomly throughout the day my D came to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Both times when asked why, she said "Just Cause." I love that. I love the relationship I have focused on and helped nurture with my kids in light of this tragedy. I still maintain that this will not be my life's defining moment.
On the other end, the X has been odd on the nightly calls (I thought I heard her crying last night), and when we talked today she didn't even wish me a Happy Father's Day.
I came up to speed on Bob's thread today (its sooo hard to stay up to speed on that thing, he flies through pages and pages in just a couple days... Good job Bob!). In doing so I saw some notable quotes I copied over from Sandi.... In my mind these quotes/comments solidify the idea that although she left and was the driving force to getting divorced, I believe she holds me accountable as "the reason."
"It has been my experience, while sticking around the boards these past eight years, and reading this type of emotional, radical, wide swing shots that could be summed up and put in a thimble, by saying you are the reason for all the wrongs in her life. But instead of dealing with it like mature, rational person would do........
she uses you for the scape goat. She feels that relieves her of the sin or responsibility. She believes you deserve to be the one they make accountable, not her.
The icing on the cake is when she comes back around to ask you to gather, pack, and deliver her things. Of course you feel setup! I believe anytime a WW is vicious in one message and blaming it on everyone except owning her behavior, then the next message will be her requesting you give of your time to go through her things and pick out the designated items and package them to mail.........I think it is much like preparing a goose for dinner. First you slay him, then buttering him up real good, and then turn up the heat....
This seems to be very common with WW's. IMHO, it is b/c of their self-centerness and putting themselves and their needs first. They believe they deserve to get everything (b/c of the years they had to put up with the H, and this is their time to be happy, etc.), regardless of the strain it makes for the H. Rarely will a WW think fairly, b/c she can't rationalize. It may sound perfectly logical to her ears, but that's b/c she is seeing how much she will benefit from it. "
Bob - Happy Father's Day! Your steak was done by you weren't here so I ate it. Maybe next time. You definitely got some good feedback from Sandi the last couple days. I too read many things that brought a new light to my situation or challenged my thinking. Thats the benefit of experience & education I guess.
Mahhhty,
Next time for sure! It sounds like you had a nice Father's Day. Good for you!
Yes, Sandi has stepped up big-time.
Take care my friend -
Bob
I will have cheeeeeese with almost anything......
Well I did say almost
Hey ho, back to the drawing board!
Great GAL Mty
V
Hey mahhhty.
Sounds like you had a pretty decent Father's Day. I was worried about how I would deal with the holiday personally, but it sounds like you and I had similar days. It strikes me as somewhat strange that X did not wish you a happy father's day, but it could just be that it is a painful reminder for her as well. It is nice to read the stories about your daughter - I can relate in that my relationship with my son has grown stronger since the whole situation began. I'm glad that you can see the positive through everything, it is a quality in you that I envy greatly.
Your friend,
ship
Finishing up a 9 day stint with the kids. I'd be lying to say that I am not drained, after putting together that playground and then just being outnumbered. But we have had a lot of fun. I'm planning on some grilling tonight to let the kids play on the playground and hopefully taking them out in the kids kayak tomorrow night. My PMA has been much better lately, and it will be good all weekend (as I'm going kayaking). GAL is a little low. I've been beat and haven't been working out. I need to get back on the wagon.
I hope everyone out there is doing well! Keep DB'ing.
Mahhty,
I may have mentioned this before to you but you are now entering the 6-9 months after trauma period where the crisis adrenaline that had been feeding your brain and motivating you for so long shuts down and depression to some extent or another sets in. Basically it's a little PTSD symptoms.
Guard yourself and try to stay motivated. You're in the best shape of your life, don't let it go.
GB... Thank you! Your post is pretty well timed and definitely a reminder to stay on track. I know I have been sliding. I have been slacking on lifting for a long time, and been having beer regularly during the week. I have 1 more beer in the house and I'm not going to stock the fridge anymore, and I'm working out in about an hour for the first time in a week! Thank you for swinging by!
Oooft Matt.'I just bought beer and haven't trained in two weeks. Now I feel guilty.
Oooft Matt.'I just bought beer and haven't trained in two weeks. Now I feel guilty.
NDY... Hahahaha. Enjoy its almost the weekend.
This is probably my last post before Monday.
Quick update & a question...
Just had an exchange with X. Over the last couple months one on one discussions are basically non-existent and when they occur only through text or email. I understand the dynamics of pursuing, but I am also finding that the more I detach it seems the more she detaches. It seems she is like a mirror, the more of anything I do the more she does, in a purely reactive nature.
I also had a discussion with her Mom (I was not prying at all, it came up organically), she stated that X holds grudges. I know that to be true, as well, she is very passive & stubborn.
So my question is... Should I change my approach in anyway to test this theory (the mirror theory)?
Hello Mahhhty,
Not sure how to answer that one. Sorry.
A friend passed this along to me today. I found it encouraging and wanted to share it with you, buddy:
Faith…Trust…Hope…Confidence…Love…Attitude
{1}
Once all villagers decided to pray for rain,
on the day of prayer all the people gathered,
but only one boy came with an umbrella.
That's FAITH
{2}
When you throw a baby in the air,
she laughs because she knows you will catch her.
That's TRUST
{3}
Every night we go to bed,
without any assurance of being alive the next morning
but still we set the alarms to wake up.
That's HOPE
{4}
We plan big things for tomorrow
in spite of zero knowledge of the future.
That's CONFIDENCE
{5}
We see the world suffering,
but still we get married and have children.
That's LOVE
{6}
On an old lady's shirt was written a sentence
'I am not 80 years old....
I am sweet 16 with 64 years experience'
That's ATTITUDE
Have a happy day,
Live your life like the six stories above!
Mty,
If what you are doing isn't working what could you do differently?
How could you test your mirror theory without spoiling your current strategy?
V
V & Bob.... Thanks for stopping by.
I've been off the reservation lately. Going out to paddle as much as possible to get out of the house. The quiet here irks me, and working out of your house is even worse. For the most part things on most fronts are fine. I turned down a promotion but was phone interviewed for another job, as well as, TOLD I was taking a new position at my current company. So change is happening. My startups are growing and becoming a little stressful. They are big big opportunities.
After the D is finalize, I'm not surprised that both of you are detaching. It isn't like an S or BD. It is a D. Just let the dust settle & GAL. I don't think anything you do one way or the other will hasten things toward less distance at this point.
Are their any indirect connections? Mutual friends, people from your or or activities, etc. that she knows & might run into? If so, she will be keeping tabs on you. Just keep the PMA and looking like you are doing fine wo/ her. If she holds a grudge, that will take some air out of her sails and get her thinking about how miserable her life likely is. Maybe it isn't miserable, but as long as she thinks she is punishing you, she doesn't have to focus on herself.
You also may not even be aware of what she is doing to not let you get too far out of sight. Checking happens. Just like you in a sense were checking via her mother, she is likely doing so in her own way, but you don't know about it (yet). Again, maybe not. Either way, what is there to do but let the dust settle some more and see what happens.
Next time you do have real contact, see how things go. Don't expect much, but just see how things go. Then give it some more time. Let her digest that.
After D, if you are serious about standing in there, you know that the rules have changed so that you can't talk about getting the kind of feedback we look for in days or weeks, or even months.
Are you getting out and doing things with other people (I don't mean dating), but you only mention a solo activity, & your work sounds somewhat isolating. I sense some depression that might be helped by some socializing.
My mirror theory... I constantly think of the Gandi quote, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." That is underlying the mirror theory, b/c it always seems (or I make it seem) that I get back something similar to what I put in.
So V... I read your response and decided to test immediately. My test was going to be to engage her an the next email chain and be pleasant and to try and keep it going. She wrote me an email on the 27th and I dropped right in. I would say that I accomplished what I wanted but that the test failed (as I was the last one to respond, asked her direct questions to which she did not respond in turn). More over the lack of response (and things that were said in previous emails), lead me to now be suspicious and angry. I didn't put it all together until after she neglected to respond.
She emailed to set up a date for her family to bring a trailer and get the W/D and some other things. Then she stated "I am going on a trip and had to amend the schedule for July." At the time I assumed a business trip and responded in kind, making small talk. She responded and then I sent the final response: "Perhaps it was just a phase. Hopefully he's over it. I get mixed messages from your Mom about your Dad. Is this something he should be doing? Clothes... I'm a little short on summer clothes and pjs. Where is work sending you anyway? Hopefully not Dallas or somewhere already too hot."
And she has not yet responded. During some reflection the non-response and the sentence about the trip lead me to believe it isn't for work. And therefore, she is forgoing another week with the kids for something or someone else. I really want to respond but that comes from a place of anger.
With all of that I think....
- Why does this bother me?
- If someone else is involved and I don't know at this point, what does that say about her? her family?
- She CHOOSE to give up 50% of her time with the kids. And she continually chooses to re-do the schedule which is putting the kids with me more than 50% of the time.
- She cares about HER.
- She is not the person I married. She does not care about me at all. She choose to walk away from me, instead of try to confront or stand with me.
To say the least G. Bulldog was right about the 6-9 month window, and the anger associated with it.
After the D is finalize, I'm not surprised that both of you are detaching. It isn't like an S or BD. It is a D. Just let the dust settle & GAL. I don't think anything you do one way or the other will hasten things toward less distance at this point.
Are their any indirect connections? Mutual friends, people from your or or activities, etc. that she knows & might run into? If so, she will be keeping tabs on you. Just keep the PMA and looking like you are doing fine wo/ her. If she holds a grudge, that will take some air out of her sails and get her thinking about how miserable her life likely is. Maybe it isn't miserable, but as long as she thinks she is punishing you, she doesn't have to focus on herself.
You also may not even be aware of what she is doing to not let you get too far out of sight. Checking happens. Just like you in a sense were checking via her mother, she is likely doing so in her own way, but you don't know about it (yet). Again, maybe not. Either way, what is there to do but let the dust settle some more and see what happens.
Next time you do have real contact, see how things go. Don't expect much, but just see how things go. Then give it some more time. Let her digest that.
After D, if you are serious about standing in there, you know that the rules have changed so that you can't talk about getting the kind of feedback we look for in days or weeks, or even months.
Are you getting out and doing things with other people (I don't mean dating), but you only mention a solo activity, & your work sounds somewhat isolating. I sense some depression that might be helped by some socializing.
asitis,
You are probably spot on. And you didn't even read my next post yet. I do well, during the day, and kayaking. The quiet does get me. With kayaking I almost always go with people and that has been really rewarding. I don't think about any of these items until I am alone, and then I overthink them. Mutual friends.... We have many mutual friends, that started out as my friends. She has lost touch with all people from HS & College. For her it is coworkers and family.
Alright. I'm back.
X's sister reach out via text this morning to coordinate the picking up of X's stuff. I thought about this, and then called her. I was wondering why she was reaching out & not X. Turns out X didn't know she was calling. I then asked her how X was really doing and she told me a ton of stuff. How she didn't agree, how that impacted their relationship, how X has really been alone or on her own, and they are just starting to reconnect (she thinks). She then started to tell me the generic things, she is focused on her career, I can't understand why she didn't try to work things out, everyone deserves to be with someone that wants to be with them, etc, etc.
Life is filled with ups & downs. Need to learn from the downs & work on longer ups... I have to continue to detach & move forward.
Hi Mahhhty,
Thank you for your post in my thread...I replied there.
What are you doing for the 4th of July? Any special plans?
Your friend,
Bob
Just checking in on your sitch. I hope you do have more ups than downs. Keep up the hard work. I hope you have a great 4th!
Bob & Teach... Thanks for checking in. I hope you both are enjoying the beginning of the holiday weekend.
This AM, X-FIL & X-BIL came to pick up X's stuff. They arrived at 8 on the dot and I was already working. I had most of it up and out for them already (except the big pieces). We got it all out of there quickly. X-BIL seems overly upset about the whole thing. I bust his balls about taking my stuff, but I think he genuinely feels bad. At one point he was encouraging me to do negative things to the stuff X is receiving. Similarly, X-FIL was saying something about how X may not like something (they FIL & BIL scratched something) and I said just blame it on me, she can't get any more mad at me. He looked at me with a half hearted smirk.... like he appreciated me saying it but also felt bad.
After that... I paddled. I meet 8 new people and went out to dinner with 2 of them.
July 3rd was fun. But I'm looking forward to picking up the kids at 12 exactly.
I'm glad you had a good day! I did some kayaking on vacation. It was amazing. I had never done it before but I caught on fast and loved it.
Hey mahhhty. Just wanted to wish you a happy 4th. Hope things are going well for you my friend.
Mahhhty,
I think you handled an awkward situation very well. Who knows what XW's family thinks about the sitch? I'm sure it's just as awkward for them, as they are probably trying not to get involved.
Nice work on meeting some new people. If you're anything like me, that's a big challenge.
Have a great 4th! I hope you make it to Monday with all your fingers!
Hope you are having a great weekend!
I will be going to check out the local rowing club next week. They have two days of free "Learn how to row" events going on. Should be fun!
My daughter and I also signed up as volunteers again for the local Dragonboat Festival. I hope next year we can actually be part of a team again and paddle. It is so soothing skimming over the water and on race day, what an adrenaline rush! :)))
Teach, ship, Defacto, Diana,
Thanks for swinging by I hope you all had a great fourth or summer weekend! The kids and I watched fireworks at our neighbors, it was a lot of fun.
I encourage you all to go boating, burn some calories, get in a rhythm, live outside, and enjoy summer!
So. Yesterday I met X at her mother's and picked the kids up there. She was talkative and outgoing. Today she picked the kids up here and she was distant and non-talkative. I don't think we said 10 words to each other. Soo weird to me.
Anyway, I went out with my parents ran some errands and had beers and apps at a bar. Upon walking in the hostess took a double take at me and then we had a side conversation. That felt good for my self esteem. And she was a pretty girl.
I read some posts tonight but didn't respond. There was a lot of sombering posts out there. In my own story there is a lot of steps forward and a lot of steps back. I try to learn from it all. I know somewhere that the biggest parts of the roller coaster are over. But there definitely is residual stuff left over. Sorting through the thick bush is hard when your in the middle.
I hope everyone had a good fourth and weekend.... A dream with no action is only just a dream. Keep on keeping on!
Hey Mahhhty,
What's new with you sir?
Bob
Haven't posted much lately. Here is a quick update.
Thur... I picked up the kids and have them for about 2 weeks. BC she is traveling again.
Fri... We left to camp with their cousins and my parents. It was their first time camping. We then followed that up with their first rafting trip on Saturday.
It was wonderful. We had a great weekend. I took lots of pictures and will always remember their first trip on the river and how much fun we had.
As you may remember, I believe I disproved my memory theory, when the email chain went silent and she did not respond. I believed that was b/c I was asking about her upcoming trip and she did not want to disclose information. However, on Thur I still had not told her about taking the kids out of the state (which is required in our parenting plan). So I texted her and she responded...
Me: FYI. I’ll be taking the kids to western MA tomorrow. Also, your mother will have your check.
Her: Okay, they'll love that. They actually have their suitcases, so they will be excited to fill those. I'll text you before I call this weekend to make sure it is a good time to talk to them. I'll be out of the country so it may be at a different time due to time zone difference. Have fun and give them kisses for me, they are excited to see you.
I thought it was interesting that she mentioned leaving the country. After I had just disproved my mirror theory. After she responded I dropped the ball and choose not to respond.
All of this goes to two points... Don't mind read and really step back. I need to for my sanity and my future. To leave her life to her. I keep saying it. And I think I am doing it but I want to do more of it. I don't need her. I am a better person than when this started, I want to keep it going.