First thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2555209#Post2555209Second thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2557868&page=1To get you caught up super-quickly, I'm waiting for my W to respond to the text I sent 2 days ago. Details:
(Posted by me on 4/27/2015)
Wonka,
I see what you mean, because she doesn't feel emotionally attached to me now. Thank you so much for your patience and wisdom!
So, I'll go with this unless anyone else has any input:
“Hiya W. I just wanted to check in with you, and ask how the follow-up doctor's visit went? I thought about you on that day. Hope you are doing better.”
You are so good at this Wonka!
Bob
I'm anxious to hear the response Bob. I marvel at the wisdom of some of the old-timers here.
Hang tough man,
Diesel
I'm anxious to hear the response Bob. I marvel at the wisdom of some of the old-timers here.
Hang tough man,
Diesel
Hi Diesel,
It's great to hear from you. Thanks so much for checking in, taking the time to post and the encouragement.
I agree with you -- I marvel at their wisdom, too.
I haven't checked into your sitch for awhile. I will as soon as I can.
Hope you're hanging in there.
Bob
Quick journal:
Since my W left, I've been on Rx to help me sleep. Since then, I can't remember having 1 dream in 6 months -- until last night.
I had a very vivid dream that W and I reconciled. It was so clear that when I woke up I was really saddened to find out it was only a dream.
Oh well . . .
Bob
Still no response from my W. I sent the text close to 48 hours ago.
And, yes, I confess, I checked to see if it's been delivered - Nope.
She hasn't had her phone on for at least 48 hours. A little unusual.
I keep reminding myself...no expectations.
Hang in there Bob!
Those delivery msgs on those texts can be the bane of me when I've sent texts. Especially afterwards when I can see the time it was read and see the difference in time between the last time I've heard from her and now.
Having those dreams can be so bittersweet. Sorry, it saddened you. Are you at least able to sleep through the night?
Thank you so much for the encouragement, Miman!
Yes, I wish iPhones didn't have that feature. I, too, see the difference in time between the last time I've heard from her and now. The kind people on this board have gotten me to a point where I don't get so upset anymore. Still, it hurts at times. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
As for sleep, I tried meditating, exercising, etc. and could not sleep for more than 2 hours. I don't like taking meds but I finally caved in, saw a doctor, and I'm on a low dosage of anti-anxiety and sleep medicine. Now I sleep about 6 hours a night.
I saw MrBond's post to you a little while ago and was trying to think of a reply, and happened to notice you posted on my thread. How ironic.
As I'm sure you know, MrBond is sooo good with advice. But everyone is different. Did you try exercising or meditating first? Maybe I didn't try long enough but I was so tired, messing up at work, etc. For now, I'm sticking with the meds.
Hang in there, okay?
Bob
Hey Minman and Bob,
I'm glad I haven't yet learned how to inflict iPhone pain on myself. :-)
I just got my iPhone and am only just learning how use the damn thing. I got it at my kids' suggestion (okay, harping) because I had this "crappy little Tracfone dumbfone that can't do anything," according to my son. Gawd!!
I was able to take a pic of me and my beautiful daughter sitting on a park bench. I know that's not a "selfie." Is it a "twofie?"
Okay, you take care boys. I'm gonna go sit on the porch and have a cold beer and a fat cigar. Living!!!
Diesel
Hi Bob. Bittersweet re the dream. You doing amazing and of course your going to check your phone , your human !! I see you all over the boards and that's great as it helps you get prospective Your in for the long haul buddy and this journey will take a lot of twists , good and bad before you arrive at the end. Keep working on Bob and you will find peace much quicker. Thanks for the support on my thread Take care mate. Rd
Bob,
I second rd!! You are everywhere and it's so nice for all of us to have your support and encouragement. It meant the world to me that someone actually took the time to read my sich and cared enough to respond. Thank you!
I'm sorry you haven't heard from W. In the meantime get out and GAL.
Spring has finally sprung in my part of the world (Canada). Time to get outside and fill up on Vitamin D.
Bob, just caught up on your threads and wanted to say congrats on how much you've grown since your first post. You are doing great, keep it up!
Nice to see you Bob.
Keep up the good work.
All,
I will post more later. Thank you all so much for your suppport.
I'm having one of the busiest days at work in years. That's good...keeps my mind of my W.
But one thing....OMG...my text finally got delivered.
I'll post more a little later.
Bob
Since my post a little after 630 PM CT yesterday, Diesel, RD, Diana, NoleGrl and HeavyD have added your postings. What timing as I've had the day from HE double hockey sticks at work today. LOL Your thoughts, comments, encouragement and taking the time to post couldn't have come at a better time for me.
Diesel, thank you for checking in. How was the cold beer and cigar? I love your attitude.
RD, I am about as human as they come, and I did check my phone today twice, The last time is when I noticed my text finally got delivered. And you're welcome, I love trying to support everyone on this forum, and thank you for your support as well.
Diana, you are too kind but I'll humbly accept the compliment. I am so happy I could make you feel better, even if it was only for a few minutes. Don't we all need that?
NoleGrl, thank you for taking the time to catch up on my situation and for the nice complement and encouragement. You are awesome!
Heavy, when I noticed I had several new posts, I had a feeling you were one of the people who posted on my thread. Thank you for your time and encouragement, as always.
It took almost 3 full days, but just before my prior post I decided to check to see if my message got delivered (2nd time today). Since I am human, and it's been almost 3 days, i'm pretty proud of myself. I don't recall a time where my wife hasn't had her phone on for three days. But, there have been times were I haven't contacted her for close to two weeks, so who knows? The only reason I bring it up is I was beginning to wonder if she trashed the phone or was in the hospital.
You have my solemn word if I hear back from her I will post her text. If by some chance she calls me I will not answer and let it go to voicemail.
Meanwhile, i'm going to keep working on myself, staying active and try to make myself the type of guy that only a fool would leave. HeHeHe
I've written it before and I'm going to write it now: I don't know what I would do without such a loving supportive family on this forum.
I'll give you an update if and when I have one. I will also try to catch up on all your situations after work.
Love and peace to you all.
Bob
Hey Bob.
You've done so much. I am impressed. I'll send off a prayer for you. You've been lead here and trust that your road is being watched.
Hey Bob.
You've done so much. I am impressed. I'll send off a prayer for you. You've been lead here and trust that your road is being watched.
Hi there TB,
Wow, you just made me smile -- big time. I appreciate the prayer, the time you took to check in on my situation and the encouragement.
I do feel as if I've been led here. I suppose we all have been, don't you think?
You are another person I can always count on. Thanks again, TenBook.
I would like to reciprocate and dedicate a prayer especially for you tonight.
What's the latest with you? I'll check your thread soon.
Take care.
Bob
Hey All,
Well, it took my W 3 days to turn on her phone and read my text.
To refresh everyone's memory, this is exactly what I sent her Monday:
HiYa' W. I just wanted to check in with you, and ask how the follow-up doctor's visit went? I thought about you on that day. Hope you are doing better.As I've been on this forum tonight, I heard my phone (in another room) receive a text. That was about 30 minutes ago. I didn't want to lose my momentum on this forum, so I kept posting.
Guess what? The text was from my W. Here it is exactly:
Bob - you need to call AT&T and pay the rest of the bill.I do not know what to make of this. How
hardened could a person's heart become? I know I should have had no expectations. But she didn't say
anything about my question/nice comment. It's as if I never sent it. She does this so frequently, responds to a totally different subject. I find it so hurtful and manipulative.
This is how she has been since she left 6 months ago to live with her controlling Mom. I'm not being mean--it's true. My W used to say it about her, so did my W's siblings. The reason I bring up her Mom is my W is getting more and more emotionally distant as the text reply would indicate. My W can think for herself but she is heavily influenced by her Mom, be it positively or negatively.
Sandi, or any former WWs that might be reading this, what do you make of such behavior? Of course, all are welcome to respond! I need all the advcie I can get. I just think a former WW might have some insight into why my W acts like this. Maybe she truly is over me and has moved on.
I supppsoe she could be testing me. Trying to bait me into an argument. I don't want to give up on her or our M. But it's things like this that really start to make me wonder why I still love her so much.
Someone, please help!
Thank you.
Bob
what do you make of such behavior?
Thanks for the good words on my post Bob.
I'll answer your question with a question: What do you call an elephant mixed with a rhinoceros and an elephant? Elephino.
And what's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
Those are my answers to you about what she meant.
I get it. I really do. My first three months post BD I analyzed everything she wrote, her choice of words (did she say "angry" or "upset"?!?!?!?).
Guess what, she's on her own journey and won't be coming back anytime soon. Time to take a few detachment pills.
I know it's not easy, and you may have to stew. But we here on DB care for you and can't play the obsessive game with you. We have to steer you straight.
Back to YOU. I am only reading your thread now, and though this is part three (so you might have done this on I & II) I haven't seen anything about what you are working on, your GAL, your 180s, your goals, your personal growth. It's too easy to get caught up in the soap opera and just report the latest gossip. Turn the soap off and let's hear more about what you're doing for you
Of course I am praying for you, sending you support, and mean those words with nothing but good wishes Bob!
what do you make of such behavior?
Thanks for the good words on my post Bob.
Of course I am praying for you, sending you support, and mean those words with nothing but good wishes Bob!
Zues,
You're very welcome! I was just posting on RealMe's thread commenting about your great advice to him. I know you mean the best. Where can I find those detachment pills?
You're 100% correct when you state, "I don't know and I don't care." I feel I've been getting better at that, but for some reason tonight's reply really hurt. I can't describe how good it felt to see that you posted and also gave really good advice.
I have listed 180s, GAL, personal growth in earlier posts. But it would be good to revisit. In brief, now, one of my biggest 180s is not pursuing my W. In terms of GAL, I attend a Divorce Support Group, I am hanging out with old friends and I go for long walks to name a few. Personal growth...I'll find the post where Mahhhty asked me about that and post it in this thread.
I have to admit, I'm getting really tired., so I'll be logging off for the night.
Thank you again for taking your valuable time to help me.
I'll keep you in my prayers, too. That's a promise!
Bob
Maybe she truly is over me and has moved on.
I hate to tell you this but the WAS is over us at bomb drop.
Why do you think
we get bombed?
I hope you did not respond?
Hey Bob.....ouch! I truly get it. My H sent me a few very terse texts in the months after BD. And it does hurt. On the plus side it becomes easier to detach. You guys probably have a pretty long road, which is actually made harder if your S is dropping kibbles the whole time. And things like this text are why detaching becomes so important. It's good to get to the point where you can be more 'shruggy' about this kind of thing. And you;ll get there.
So, she's doing what she's doing right now. Try not to read into things 'maybe she's just moved on' etc...and move forward yourself. Build up your GAL plans to give your mind more time away from your sitch, and create a life that you would be happy with going forwards.
((Bob))
Bob,
Try not to take W's text personally. I have faced similar stiff-armed responses from Ms. Wonka for months. Their Berlin Wall is very high as they don't want to give us hope or show any warmth. It took me months to chip away Ms. Wonka's wall.
Just say thanks and you will take care if it. Then wish her a good weekend.
That's good advice from Wonka Bob. I would send that reply and make yourself some nice plans for the weekend. W may be a little surprised not to get something more or different from you - who knows. But I would follow the vet advice and trust the process.
Have a good weekend x
Hey Bob,
I replied back to you on my thread, but just wanted to pop in here and be a support column. I don't feel qualified to give much advice here on the forum (at least not yet), but I do say a lot of prayers for ya'll and I'll make some comments now and then.
I think you are doing great BTW,
Diesel
Maybe she truly is over me and has moved on.
I hate to tell you this but the WAS is over us at bomb drop.
Why do you think
we get bombed?
I hope you did not respond?
Hi Cadet,
Well said. Sad, but true. Of course we are all (or most) here hoping to DB.
What I
think I really meant is her "wall" is getting higher and higher.
No, I did not respond.
Thanks for checking in Cadet.
Bob
So, she's doing what she's doing right now. Try not to read into things 'maybe she's just moved on' etc...and move forward yourself. Build up your GAL plans to give your mind more time away from your sitch, and create a life that you would be happy with going forwards.
((Bob))
Hi Toots!
Thank you for checking in on my "saga." I really, really appreciate writing that your H would act the same way. I don't feel so alone. And, you have some very good points! I think replies like that willl help me detach a bit easier. I am going to keep working on myself and not worry about what the future will bring.
I needed the hug - thanks Toots.
(((Toots)))
Bob,
Try not to take W's text personally. I have faced similar stiff-armed responses from Ms. Wonka for months. Their Berlin Wall is very high as they don't want to give us hope or show any warmth. It took me months to chip away Ms. Wonka's wall.
Just say thanks and you will take care if it. Then wish her a good weekend.
Hi Wonka!
I am so, so glad to hear from you. You always have great advice, as others on this forum do. You have invested a lot of time in my sitch, and for that, I am thankful to you and God.
Did you notice Cadet's post? It's on the previous page. She wrote thet she hoped I didn't reply. I still have not.
May I ask why you suggested I reply? Do you think it might be better just to let it go?
Thanks!
Bob
That's good advice from Wonka Bob. I would send that reply and make yourself some nice plans for the weekend. W may be a little surprised not to get something more or different from you - who knows. But I would follow the vet advice and trust the process.
Have a good weekend x
Hi Toots (again)!
I know, Wonka is really good! I just read and replied to his post.
Cadet thought it's best I don't respond. Cadet and Wonka and you are so good, so I'm a little confused right now. Happy to get the input, but conflicting advice.
Cadet, if you take a peek in, what do you think about Wonka's suggestion and Toots' "seconding" it?
Thanks Toots!
xoxo
Hey Bob,
I replied back to you on my thread, but just wanted to pop in here and be a support column. I don't feel qualified to give much advice here on the forum (at least not yet), but I do say a lot of prayers for ya'll and I'll make some comments now and then.
I think you are doing great BTW,
Diesel
Hey Diesel,
You are the man! Thanks for your time, concern, prayers and the encouragement.
I said a prayer for you last night, and several others on the board. It makes me feel good to pray for others who need assistance!
Anyway, you are awesome. I hope your day is going well.
Bob
I dont think it matters all that much one way or the other.
And you could wait a few days and respond too,
after all you are a very busy man that has other things to
do besides worrying about your WAW.
Did you notice Cadet's post? It's on the previous page. She wrote thet she hoped I didn't reply. I still have not.
Cadet is a GUY and I am a GIRL. Hope that clears it up for you.
Did you notice Cadet's post? It's on the previous page. She wrote thet she hoped I didn't reply. I still have not.
Cadet is a GUY and I am a GIRL. Hope that clears it up for you.
Hi Wonka,
Yes, I know you are a woman. I've known that since you started checking in with me because of your signature. I must be
flipping out. I was wondering why you brought this up.
Now I see, I wrote:
"I know, Wonka is really good! I just read and replied to his post."I am SO sorry and embarrassed. I had mostly men, other than Toots, responding. Still, no excuses, my bad!
And yes, I did see Cadet's latest post.
Thank you Wonka.
Bob
All,
One very important detail I left out about my wife's reply text is that the account is in her name. Also, my lawyer recommended many weeks ago that I not pay it. It was for a landline we still had, and I had been asking my W to cancel it since November. I made one payment after she left, and then sometimes she would forward me the bill late (reminder that she moved and lives 3 1/2 hours away) and other times she wouldn't even bother. Now I think the bill is close to $300.
I'm the type that always wants to do the right thing. I suppose I could pay it, but where will that get me? Won't I look like a doormat to my wife?
Wonka and All, of course you had no way of knowing all of this. I was so hurt by the way she responded that I didn't even think to add all that detail.
So everyone, now what do you think I should do? I still haven't replied and I haven't heard back from her since last night.
So it's handy, here's her text again: Bob - you need to call AT&T and pay the rest of the bill.
Send help now! LOL
Thank you all so much.
Bob
Oh, and SO sorry Cadet, too! How did I get my genders so mixed up?
What a knuckle-head I am.
Bob
One very important detail I left out about my wife's reply text is that the account is in her name. Also, my lawyer recommended many weeks ago that I not pay it.
Yes that is important.
So this land line is in the house you live in but is in her name?
Have you tried to cancel the account?
I am assuming you can not.
I think sending her a message that she needs to cancel the account is more appropriate.
Cadet,
You beat me here! Yeah, I was thinking along the same lines as you did.
Bob,
It is so so important to give out as much detail here as you can because we all go by with what people write here. I'm glad you came back with some additional information. With that in mind, please disregard my suggested response.
Just my take Bob , pay the bill , inform W and cancel the phone. If W has to cancel it , inform her that bill is paid and that's you finished with it.
again, just my point of view but this needs to be sorted but at the same time without the impression of being petty
You doing great Bob and remember that Rome was not built in a day,
Thanks for the support on my thread Take care mate. Rd
Just my take Bob , pay the bill , inform W and cancel the phone. If W has to cancel it , inform her that bill is paid and that's you finished with it.
again, just my point of view but this needs to be sorted but at the same time without the impression of being petty
You doing great Bob and remember that Rome was not built in a day,
Thanks for the support on my thread Take care mate. Rd
Actually, I like this approach as it is trying to keep the road back home paved smooth. It does make sense when it is presented in this way. Now use the suggested response and be done with it! Hit that "send" button, Bob.
Don't pay the bill Bob. Do the opposite of what your first instinct tells you.
All, I am so busy at work now but I had to log back in for a moment --so curious.
She had to cancel it and finally did about 1 month ago.
More to follow...
Bob
Hi Wonka,
Actually, you don't have a signature, do you?
Wow...I'm spacing out the last 2 days. Sooo busy at work (better than not enough to do) and then the text that caught me a little off guard.
Maybe I'm getting you mixed up with MrBond. LOL Both of you give golden advice.
Thanks for the reminder about giving as much detail as possible. I know that from being on these boards since Christmas Day, but the reminder can't hurt. Looking back to last night, I was so tired I should've waited until today to post. I honestly meant to put a brief comment in about the AT&T bill.
Oh well, just since last night I feel so much stronger from all the support I'm getting from everyone here!
I have learned with DB'ing to "keep the road back home paved smooth" I thought about that last night, but I also wanted not seem like a doormat since W's procrastation made the bill much larger than it should be. My gut instinct was to not responfd or pay the bill. But, as TenBook pointed out, I should do the opposite of my gut instinct. TenBook, sorry if my post was confusing. I know you suggested to not pay it, thinking my gut feeling was to pay it.
I feel like that is my biggest struggle: Keeping the road back home paved smooth vs "Standing Tall and Firm" to quote Sandi.
It seems like everyone agrees with my wonderful friend Wonka.
I guess I'll be sending the text. Maybe, since it's almost 10:00 PM here, I'll wait unyil tomorrow.
Thanks All!
((((Group))))
Just my take Bob , pay the bill , inform W and cancel the phone. If W has to cancel it , inform her that bill is paid and that's you finished with it.
again, just my point of view but this needs to be sorted but at the same time without the impression of being petty
You doing great Bob and remember that Rome was not built in a day,
Thanks for the support on my thread Take care mate. Rd
Hello Rd,
Thank you for the advice, support and encouragement.
It's my pleasure to try to help you as best I know how.
I've meant to check on you today. I may have to do it tomorrow.
You take care, too!
Bob
Bob I wish I was in a better spot today to say something that might actually help. I really care for you and I'm sorry she responded so coldly.
That's our challenge right? We have to make this completely about us, and not about the W's. Of course you wish she would have responded differently- but speaking in terms of your journey- your reaction was the result of a lot of hard work, and it came almost effortlessly. It's like when you're learning a new language, and one day- almost without realizing it, instead of translating in your head, you actually think in that language.
Bob I wish I was in a better spot today to say something that might actually help. I really care for you and I'm sorry she responded so coldly.
Hey RealMe,
Taking the time out of what sounds like wasn't a good day for you does help!
I can tell you really care about me and others on this forum.
You are right on with this: "We have to make this completely about us, and not about the W's."
Hang tight my friend. I wish you well and that you have a better day tomorrow. I'll check in with you sometime tomorrow.
Your friend,
Bob
It's hard not to check. It's good to see that the phone is switched off rather than deliberately ignoring you.
Sometimes that gives me a bit of hope that they just haven't seen the message rather not responding. I keep telling my self, have no expectations, if they do not reply I am not so disappointed. I returned my H text, it wasn't something he needed to respond to and he hasn't but I was ok with it. Another baby step.
It's hard not to check. It's good to see that the phone is switched off rather than deliberately ignoring you.
Sometimes that gives me a bit of hope that they just haven't seen the message rather not responding. I keep telling my self, have no expectations, if they do not reply I am not so disappointed. I returned my H text, it wasn't something he needed to respond to and he hasn't but I was ok with it. Another baby step.
Hello Smothy,
I am responding from my phone and accidentally must've hit the submit button in my last post. Yes, It's hard not to check.
I'm happy to hear that even though your husband didn't respond, you are ok with it. Another baby step Indeed.
I think you were handling things better than in the beginning,
Thank you for checking in with me in the encouragement.
(((Smothy)))
Cadet,
You beat me here! Yeah, I was thinking along the same lines as you did.
Bob,
It is so so important to give out as much detail here as you can because we all go by with what people write here. I'm glad you came back with some additional information. With that in mind, please disregard my suggested response.
Hello Wonka!
So, what should I do? Completely disregard my W's text: "Bob - you need to call AT&T and pay the rest of the bill."
It was cancelled by her, about 5 months after I, and my lawyer mentioned to her lawyer, that she cancel it. She's not living here anymore (so sad) and I didn't want the line or use it. I believe the bill is $250.00 or more. I'd pay it gladly if she took it as an act of love or if this was on me. Who knows, maybe she will take it as an act of love? But, going by her actions the past 6 months, I don't feel she will. Am I mindreading??
Again, I want to keep the road home paved smoothly, yet not seem like a doormat.
Could letting her know I'll take care of the bill spark any emotional connection?
I'll close with this for now. When you are in the midst of a situation like separation or divorce, you tend to think there are few choices available to you. In reality there are a million choices available to you, and the choices you make will ultimately be those that have an effect on both your immediate and your future actions.
Having written that, what should I choose to do? I can't see the forest thru the trees.
Thank you and God bless you all for your continued support.
Bob
I dunno Bob. How about you pay the bill and don't expect a single damn thing about it from your WAW. Don't even tell her or hint about it.
Zero expectations. Just something to tidy off the list and put your mind at ease.
Can you do that? Or by paying it or reminding her... you are expecting something secretly back? If that is the case. Don't pay it. Send her a message like this.
"This is your bill. I am not paying it".
And never speak or respond to it again.
TB,
Thank you so much! You gave 2 very good options.
I'm thinking about them and appreciate the advice.
How are you doing?
Bob
Hi Bob. Not to hijack your thread but I'm working on our separation and finance agreements. Popping by the forum often to see if there are anyone in need.
Bob... You blew through 6 pages in what 4 days. That is a testament to you and the impact you have on the people around you.
Now as for the phone. It is minuscule in the grand scheme. Pay the bill, then tell W that it will be the last time you pay the bill and that you would like her to cancel the bill/phone line/etc. Then stand tall.
TenBook,
You are so kind! You're not hijacking my thread, I asked you how you were doing in my thread, so you did the right thing.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're working on your separation and finance agreements. I know it is not fun. I'm sure you could think of 1 million things you'd rather be doing.
Hang in there, please....
I'll have to check in on your thread.
Bob
Bob... You blew through 6 pages in what 4 days. That is a testament to you and the impact you have on the people around you.
Now as for the phone. It is minuscule in the grand scheme. Pay the bill, then tell W that it will be the last time you pay the bill and that you would like her to cancel the bill/phone line/etc. Then stand tall.
Mahhhty,
Wow, thank you so much, you are too kind.
And thanks as always for popping in on my sitch.
You are right -- It is minuscule in the grand scheme. It seems like the concensus is to pay the darn bill (it has finally been cancelled) but I may not even let my W know.
I thought TenBook had a good point, too: "How about you pay the bill and don't expect a single damn thing about it from your WAW. Don't even tell her or hint about it."
It kind of fits my mantra for the last few days "
Say little...do much."
Mahhhty, I'd like you to know that your efforts to help me have not gone unnoticed. I dedicate a prayer to you every night. (Well, some nights I might fall asleep before completing them all-but I try!) Why? It's to thank God for your help and also that He helps you with your situation and continues to give you strength to move forward.
Take care of yourself.
Bob
I would agree with Mahhhty, re bill. But I would not say anything until she ask you to pay something else then it would be that was the last time etc....
It's hard to go between the lines of doing what is fair/ right and not being a doormat.
Thank you so much, Smothy! I agree with you.
Hang tough.
Bob
Not to be au contraire but will you pay my phone bill too?
This is a business decision only, treat it that way.
Take the emotion out of the decision and also the expectations, pay it or dont, however I would trust your lawyers advice.
Legally you will be responsible for half the bill and will give up half your assets.
Not to be au contraire but will you pay my phone bill too?
Hello Cadet,
Thanks for making me laugh.
Thank you also for checking in and the good advice and reminder.
I hope the rest of your Sunday is a pleasant one.
Bob
Back to YOU. I am only reading your thread now, and though this is part three (so you might have done this on I & II) I haven't seen anything about what you are working on, your GAL, your 180s, your goals, your personal growth. It's too easy to get caught up in the soap opera and just report the latest gossip. Turn the soap off and let's hear more about what you're doing for you
Of course I am praying for you, sending you support, and mean those words with nothing but good wishes Bob!
Zues,
On 4/30/15, you posted the above quote. (I took some out.) I finally remembered to post my personal growth as you asked and I said I would.
Here it is:
Smothering: Since my W mentioned this, I have been trying to understand how I came across as somethering to her. Probably the worst thing I did was to expect her to behave in ways I wanted her to behave. For example, since she has MS and was in a terrible car wreck (July 2013), many times, if she wanted to use our car, I would ask her if she was sure she felt up to it. There where times where, quite frankly, she looked like she was going to drop dead. I was hurt when she would say something like, "Of course I'm ok or I wouldn't br thinking of going out." I expected her to say something like this: "That is so sweet that you are concerned about my safety, but I'll be fine." So, I've learned how smothering acting like that can be. If the tables were turned, after time, I would be annoyed, too.
Needy: I'm going to therapy since my W left and have learned that happiness comes from within - I have truly embraced that concept. Obviously, I want our M to work out, but it's because I want my W not need her.
When she tried to share her heart with me, occasionally I would respond defensively, in silence or in anger: I am still working on this with my therapist. If my W and I are in contact and it seems like she's testing me by trying to lure me into an argument, I do my best to not respond defensively or in anger.
I became increasingly critical of her: This one is hard to admit and is complicated. It usually had to do her not following through with something she said she would do that day for sure. Why the criticism? Because, increasingly, it seemed to me she would do whatever she wanted while I was working my tail off for us (50+ hrs/week) and then she would say, "Sorry, I got too tired." With the MS limiting her, I have now learned that it was important that she be able to do things she enjoyed while she felt up to it, because 10 minutes later, she might be exhausted. This I regret the most and now know how destructive it is to any R. Odd, I don't seem to criticize my 3 children or anyone else. I just started getting like that with my W recently.
Due to stress, I became self-absorbed: I felt I was always putting my W's needs and feelings before mine, which made me resentful. Looking back (again) I would give just about anything to care for her again -- as long as I wasn't being "smothering." I know what I did wrong on this one. So, during our separation, I have been trying to show I care for her. As most of you know, that is not easy when you are being rejected.
Made more and more decisions for her (speaks to her point about smothering her): I think I addressed this above when I discussed my smothering tendencies. I'm still working on this one with my therapist.
I broke promises (one in particular - to not bring up an issue from 2009 when she walked out on me/did not file for D that time): I took pride in keeping my word to others. But as we seemed to drift apart in mid-2014, I brought up the past, which I promised my wife I would not do. I told her I forgave her for that incident, it was my fault. I've learned that true forgiveness means the debt has been paid in full. Now, I make promises I am 100% certain I can keep.
I would add low self-esteem to her list: I am working with my therpist on this the most. How can I expect my W to love me if I don't love myself?
Not to be au contraire but will you pay my phone bill too?
Hello Cadet,
Thanks for making me laugh.
Thank you also for checking in and the good advice and reminder.
I hope the rest of your Sunday is a pleasant one.
Bob
So I guess this means you won't pay my phone bill.
Hello Cadet,
Good guess!
Bob
Good for you.
Setting a boundary
We are making progress.
I'll chip in $5 if y'all want to chip in and hook Cadet up. Least we can do
Thanks for posting that Bob. It's important to keep making progress.
I noticed most of those things are very specific in terms of interacting with W. Which isn't bad. I just wonder how you work on them on your own. Maybe you work it backwards to figure out what YOU got out of smothering her, etc.
It sounds like the co-dependent/Mr. nice guy thing we see so often around here. I'm not diagnosing you, there are balances between caring for your partner and being a co-dependent "nice guy". But the idea of putting her needs first and growing resentful, hidden agendas and controlling behavior, trying to dismiss your emotions to win your W back during BD1 but then getting angry that they weren't heard and having it boil out of you...all looks very familiar.
Glad you're working with IC, and glad you're standing by your M. I wonder where you'll be in 6 months. As you get stronger I really wonder how you'll feel about your W. I can't speak for you, but I can speak for me. It would take a heck of a lot for my W to make me feel safe partnering up with her again...and let it be known if I was ever able to open my heart to her again and she made the same decision, well, I would consider her permanently off the table unless God spoke to me personally. BUT- I know it's easier for me to say when I'm not in your shoes, just like the friends/family that tell the WAS's to just cut bait.
What I will predict, however, is that you will start really wrestling with this in the months ahead, especially as your self esteem comes up, you learn to be more direct about your needs and realize she wasn't meeting them, the co-dependency has died, and you see her for who she really is. Not saying you won't be open to R, just that it might not be your primary mission. Anyway, I realize I just posted these thoughts on my thread and it's influencing me quite a bit here.
So keep charging, and anything you can do to gradually shift those goals from her to you would be great. It will do you more good if she never looks back, and it might do you more good because the changes will be genuine, and not just more of putting what you think she wants in front of what you want!
It sounds like the co-dependent/Mr. nice guy thing we see so often around here.
I'm not diagnosing you, there are balances between caring for your partner and being a co-dependent "nice guy". But the idea of putting her needs first and growing resentful, hidden agendas and controlling behavior, trying to dismiss your emotions to win your W back during BD1 but then getting angry that they weren't heard and having it boil out of you...all looks very familiar.
Glad you're working with IC, and glad you're standing by your M. I wonder where you'll be in 6 months. As you get stronger I really wonder how you'll feel about your W. I can't speak for you, but I can speak for me. It would take a heck of a lot for my W to make me feel safe partnering up with her again...and let it be known if I was ever able to open my heart to her again and she made the same decision, well, I would consider her permanently off the table unless God spoke to me personally. BUT- I know it's easier for me to say when I'm not in your shoes, just like the friends/family that tell the WAS's to just cut bait.
Hello Zues,
Wow, you hit the nail right on the head! I know you are not diagnosing me, but guess what? That's exactly what my IC feels: the co-dependent/Mr. nice guy thing. I now realizw we had a co-dependent realtionship. Maybe not in the beginning years, but as my W's MS got worse. At times, I took her need for autonomy as a sign I wasn't doing a good enough job of caring for her. How dumb of me!
I am not bashing my W here, but my IC also thinks I'll come to the realization that I'll be better off without her. I have been going to him weekly for 6 months now, and have been as honest as I can be about my part in this.
You know what he thinks? "I'm not the only one my W should be blaming in this relationship. She's excessively nagging, selfish, holds grudges and keeps score forever - none one of those attributes are helpful in a marriage. Nor is bad mouthing you to your kids."
I put that in quotes because that is exactly what he said. I actually wrote it down just to give myself a different perspective on our sitch.
Interesting, huh? Zues, I think you'd make an excellent therapist.
Almost everyone I know thinks I should give up on her. I'm still not ready to. I feel she resents me, not only for my bad actions, but also because she had to depend on me so much at times. It's a fairly common thing I've learned with folks who have a chronic illness as my W does...to eventually resent their "caretaker."
I'm trying to be as patient as I humanly can be with her. I understand why she feels the way she does. The D was my "Ah ha moment." I do think I'm like you..."It would take a heck of a lot for my W to make me feel safe partnering up with her again."
Thanks Z - you ROCK!
Bob
Mahhhty, I'd like you to know that your efforts to help me have not gone unnoticed. I dedicate a prayer to you every night. (Well, some nights I might fall asleep before completing them all-but I try!) Why? It's to thank God for your help and also that He helps you with your situation and continues to give you strength to move forward.
Bob... I can never adequately express how touching and how compassionate that is. First, Thank You! Second, You owe me and everyone else nothing. You have poured yourself into these threads, gave support and/or advice to all who you have been able to. The people on here definitely appreciate it, and despite what the Bob from a couple months ago thinks (who said something like...replying felt off, b/c you didn't have any solid advice), I am very confident that you have a gift.
Mahhhty, I'd like you to know that your efforts to help me have not gone unnoticed. I dedicate a prayer to you every night. (Well, some nights I might fall asleep before completing them all-but I try!) Why? It's to thank God for your help and also that He helps you with your situation and continues to give you strength to move forward.
Bob... I can never adequately express how touching and how compassionate that is. First, Thank You! Second, You owe me and everyone else nothing. You have poured yourself into these threads, gave support and/or advice to all who you have been able to. The people on here definitely appreciate it, and despite what the Bob from a couple months ago thinks (who said something like...replying felt off, b/c you didn't have any solid advice), I am very confident that you have a gift.
Mahhhty, Wow, this might be a first. A man bringing me to tears (happy tears). Thank you for the extremely kind sentiment. I truly feel I'm doing no more than you or many others on this board, but I'll take the compliment. You have really humbled me.
You're correct, I did write someting to the effect that I didn't have any solid advice to offer. You inspired me and gave me confidence that I could do it.
A gift? Wow, again very kind of you Mahhhty.
Let's keep the lovefest going!! LOL
Thank you from the bottom of my heart buddy. I did dedicate my first prayer to you last night.
Bob
Bob, sorry I've been away from the boards gal and trying to get through my sitch as best I can. Just got caught up on the last couple of days for you. Sorry it's been so rough with your wife distant and the callous feeling of the text back.
I know that all too well, but it does get easier. Detaching and keeping busy helps along with time. Imo time by itself won't do much and could make it worse, but if you fill it with your 180 and ways to make yourself a better person and love yourself more, as everyone here clearly does, you'll find more indifference to what your ww is currently doing or saying. It will allow you freedom to just be.
I've only been having glimpses of that, but they've been great. I know they've only come as a result of me stopping my fear of letting go and losing her. She's already gone and I was the only one who hadn't accepted it yet
It's funny the things that make letting go tough.
You'd think it would be the things you typically associate with M, like companionship, intimacy, etc, etc. But the bulk of those are usually dead for a while before BD.
Instead for us co-dependent types it can be hard to give up on the idea that "they need us" and just don't know it. We meet our emotional needs by them needing us, that's how we feel important, valuable, or whatever. So sometimes detaching is hard because even when they're treating us poorly we're still dependent on them for their dependence on us. And even when they insist they don't want our love anymore we believe they need us to wait for them, for the fairy tale ending.
What's especially tricky is that's not far off the truth. Standing by the M is about being strong enough to give that a chance to happen. But it's also about detaching and ending the cd so that both parties can reestablish boundaries, and that way in the future if R were to occur the M could be redefined. It's just so painful to go through that process. Many new posters are trying to find a way to go to the R without truly separating, and that's why it doesn't work that way very often.
So how do you actually detach? In light of the above, I'm starting to think that detaching occurs when we build an infrastructure to meet our own needs without our WAS. That's why GAL is so important. It gives us chances to meet other people and have other experiences that meet some of our needs.
Little by little you build a new system. I get some needs met from being a dad. From my job. From my friends. From my hobbies. And from posting here. Eventually I realize that most of what I got from an R I can get on my own. And the things I can only get from an M I really wasn't getting from my M anyway...
That's the moment when the scale tips and we ask ourselves what the WAS has to offer us.
But that's the moment we have to remember to act on belief, not emotion, and have faith that if you can change, they can too, and that anything is possible...even having a different M with your WAS that does meet your needs.
How long we stand may vary, but I think it's at least long enough to finalize the D, go through all of the above, give yourself enough time to fully grieve, and have your life change enough that looking at your M is like looking at a high school year book...a totally different period of your life that is gone forever.
The good news is that once you detach it's not as difficult, in fact in many ways it really is easier than during a bad M. So waiting 3 years sounds crazy to a new poster, until you realize years 2 and 3 might be a lot of fun
Almost everyone I know thinks I should give up on her. I'm still not ready to.
Bob
Was catching up on your last few days Bob and this caught my eye. I have had such a hard time with this too. I finally printed out "The Lighthouse" thread and will read it to them. Although I do not think my H is in an affair, I think the thoughts work for any of our spouses.
Hang in there! I'm praying that you continue to find out how special and unique you are!
{{{Bob}}}
Bob, sorry I've been away from the boards gal and trying to get through my sitch as best I can. Just got caught up on the last couple of days for you. Sorry it's been so rough with your wife distant and the callous feeling of the text back.
Hello Rip,
Please, no need to apologize. I appreciate you looking in when you can.
I didn't mention it Sat or yesterday, but my big GAL activity this past weekend was going with a local Meetup Group to a very famous mansion. It was awesome and I met some very nice people. It was my first event wit this group.
Thank you for the advice and the encouragement. I could use both!
How are you Rip?
Regards,
Bob
So how do you actually detach? In light of the above, I'm starting to think that detaching occurs when we build an infrastructure to meet our own needs without our WAS. That's why GAL is so important. It gives us chances to meet other people and have other experiences that meet some of our needs.
Hello Z,
Wow! What an enlightening post. It should be added to one of the special forums, Zues!
I read your post 3 times because there are so many good comments in it.
I didn't mention it Saturday or yesterday, but my big GAL activity this past weekend was going with a local Meetup Group to a very famous mansion. It was awesome and I met some very nice people. It was my first event with this group. I even had one woman (who I admit I found attractive) flirting with me. I must admit it stroked my ego a little. Of course, nothing came of it as I kept my distance. I still love my W!
Zues, I think you have s special gift. That gift is being able to put things in perspective for others.
I just don't know what I'd do without you and the others on this forum.
Maybe I can post more later....I'm still at work.
Take care.
Bob
Was catching up on your last few days Bob and this caught my eye. I have had such a hard time with this too. I finally printed out "The Lighthouse" thread and will read it to them. Although I do not think my H is in an affair, I think the thoughts work for any of our spouses.
Hang in there! I'm praying that you continue to find out how special and unique you are!
{{{Bob}}}
Hello Eirinn,
Thanks for taking the time to catch up on my sitch and post. You are so kind.
I read "The Lighthouse" thread quite awhile ago. I think I'll read it again to refresh my memory. Thank you for bringing it up.
First Mahhhty and now you. LOL! I am at work and my eyes are tearing up a bit with that very kind thought at the end. You, too, are very special and unique.
The hug felt good!
Back at you.
{{{Eirinn}}}
Great post by Zeus!
Just swinging by... mahhhty
Hey Bob, Just wanted to stop by and thank you for stopping by my thread and offer my support. I have read some of your posts but am not completely up to speed on your sitch. Just want to throw my support out there!
We alll want to feel wanted in one way or another in all parts of our life.
I remember a few years back having a discussion with my H. I was explaining to him how much I want him but did not need him. He was visibly upset by this. he me saying he needed me to need him emotionally. I was trying to explain that this was so much better than needing him but now I can understand how he felt as I now want him to need me.
A few months later he gave me the ILYB..... Wished I read the signs then.
Great post by Zeus!
Just swinging by... mahhhty
Hi Mahhhty!
It was an excellent post by Zeus. A real keeper.
I hope you had a good day today my friend and thanks for swinging by.
Bob
Hey Bob, Just wanted to stop by and thank you for stopping by my thread and offer my support. I have read some of your posts but am not completely up to speed on your sitch. Just want to throw my support out there!
Hey Lost,
You are most welcome! I really love trying to help others out even if it's just with words of encouragement. And that's what you just did for me.
I really needed it tonight. Thank you and I hope you have a good day tomorrow
Bob
We alll want to feel wanted in one way or another in all parts of our life.
Hello Smothy,
No truer words have ever been spoken. At one point during my crazy busy day today, I find myself thinking about your situation. In some ways it seems that we both have a lot in common, with the way our spouses are treating us.
Thank you for checking in. I haven't had much time to be online today, i'll check in on your thread tomorrow.
hey Bob,
i know how you feel. it is unbelievable how they become a different person. I have had quite a few off those texts, emails. I was in hospital for eye surgery which had become urgent, AND lost my hearing shortly after BD, stress "related". W knew fully. No text, call, zero. In fact. I stumbled oh unprotected FB postings of W and OM cuddling. W, OM, and my kids on picnics etc - captioned with "Fun with my family".
I linked to it from my FB. Then she called. Abused the c**p out of me, still no mention of surgery etc. Ironically hospital had it recorded that she was my next of kin to contact in case of emergency. I had to change this
My latest backslide started with .... see my thread. Point is it has to stop Bob. You know it. That's what you'd tell me right?
Great post Zeus, and one I need as well as many others it seems.
I agree, you really have a way of making things clear in our muddled minds and hurting hearts! Thank you!!
Bob, sending you a massive hug, hoping it gives you a tiny boost to keep on going!
All my best to you all!
Py- have you read the MLC thread with the satirical guide to driving your spouse crazy?
Maybe she truly is over me and has moved on.
I hate to tell you this but the WAS is over us at bomb drop.
Why do you think
we get bombed?
I hope you did not respond?
Cadet, I absolutely believe this - shouldn't it be OK then for the LBS to "get over" the WAS. This doesn't mean they have to be bitter, or deny their part, or work they need to undertake. ??
Py- have you read the MLC thread with the satirical guide to driving your spouse crazy?
i'll check this out too - sounds like after dinner entertainment
Maybe she truly is over me and has moved on.
I hate to tell you this but the WAS is over us at bomb drop.
Why do you think
we get bombed?
I hope you did not respond?
Cadet, I absolutely believe this - shouldn't it be OK then for the LBS to "get over" the WAS. This doesn't mean they have to be bitter, or deny their part, or work they need to undertake. ??
So what do you think detachment means?
Thanks for reply Cadet. Well I did think this is what it was about. One way of achieving this mentioned in other "divorce" manuals is when things get rough, depressing that all you wan tis the S back, you can remoind yourself of the thing about then that were less than perfect. putting it into perspective that maybe you can take them down off the pedestal.
Then it was hammered into me that I wasn't allowed to have these thoughts. After reading DR I dont see this to be the advice anywhere. And yet it still seems to be the the position here. Grsnted, I can see why people take that position. Given the common reaction of the LBS and all the mainstream advice.
Maybe it is a bit overboard thats all.
Being repeatedly told that I dont get it, when I thought I did, only causes me to think it must be something more complicated. Yeah I was venting a lot about S when I joined, but that was almost entirely just that VENTING.
If DBing is not necessarily about BustingDivorce, but rather doing what is the best way forward regardless of the outcome, then I dont understand why any person would choose otherwise. BUT, it takes all kinds I guess.
In my sitch I haven't had an inch of movement since BD, well I have - in the wrong direction. Now she is pushing hard towards financial settlement. Here, we have to wait 12months after Sep before filing. Settlements can happen anytime, and will only expedite D if they are already done within the 12 months. For me, these settlements ARE the M. The D is just a piece of paper, as was the M.
I honestly can't see it happening for a long time that she even thinks of me, or regrets ending the M. I think it might in 3-5 years when he has secured his residency and moves on. But two things: 1. This won't make me more attractive to her. 2. I will most likely have moved on to another R by then. In short, I dont feel that reconciliation is possibly going to happen. The M is over. Doing for me then is just a healthy come down. If she does turn around, awesome, I think. But i'm afraid the affair might even be a deal breaker. At the start it wasn't, ut now it is too serious for me ignore as a fling.
Sad thing is I am sure it is a scam on his part. I met him, and spoke to n=him before this was an A. My W was a soft target. She could've painted a bullseye on her forehead even.
Am i way off base now?
Pyrite(sorry for the hijack Bob, next thing I will be telling you to start a new thread.....
)
I think you are leaving out two things with your post above.
Number 1 is that we can only CONTROL us.
Number 2 is doing a 180 (something that is counter intuitive)
So - yes - you came here to save your marriage.
In order to have any chance to do that you must first
save yourself!
Like on a plane that lost oxygen
Put on your oxygen mask.
Once you have saved yourself then
you can worry about saving others.
hey Bob,
i know how you feel. it is unbelievable how they become a different person. I have had quite a few off those texts, emails. I was in hospital for eye surgery which had become urgent, AND lost my hearing shortly after BD, stress "related". W knew fully. No text, call, zero. In fact. I stumbled oh unprotected FB postings of W and OM cuddling. W, OM, and my kids on picnics etc - captioned with "Fun with my family".
My latest backslide started with .... see my thread. Point is it has to stop Bob. You know it. That's what you'd tell me right?
Hey Pyrite,
It's hard, but yes it does. I'll catch up on your sitch soon.
Thanks for posting. I really appreciate hearing that you know how I feel. (I wish you weren't going thru this, of course.)
Bob
Great post Zeus, and one I need as well as many others it seems.
I agree, you really have a way of making things clear in our muddled minds and hurting hearts! Thank you!!
Bob, sending you a massive hug, hoping it gives you a tiny boost to keep on going!
Hello Tulo,
Wasn't that an amazing post by Z? As for the massive hug, I'll take all the hugs I can get!
Thank you for checking in and making me feel a little better.
Take care of yourself.
Bob
Pyrite(sorry for the hijack Bob, next thing I will be telling you to start a new thread.....
)
Hi Cadet,
That's okay - no worries!
Bob
You too, and thanks for reading my tread!
As the LBH, I'm praying that my WAW has noticed, and will continue to notice, my self-control in the coming weeks. I have done my best to not contact her for several weeks, except for the text where I asked about her folllow-up doctor appoinment. This is a complete 180 for me. I guess only the passage of time will convince her that I am working on my flaws.
BTW, I looked into paying the AT&T bill. I got nowhere since the account is not in my name.
Since the line has been shutdown, I'd think they'd be happy to collect the $ from anyone. I gave it my best.
Bob
sorry here for the hijack as well Bob. take care.
-Py
Hey Bob,
I haven't been posting much the past few days. I'm more just reading and absorbing and gaining comfort so much from others and their sitches on this supportive forum. Just knowing you're not alone is majorly medicinal.
I think you're holding up well to the NC BTW.
Anyway, just wanted to say hi and send you a brotherly ((Bob)).
Diesel
I guess only the passage of time will convince her that I am working on my flaws.
Bob,
Its possible, but its also possible she may never see them. Its hard getting to the point where you accept either possibility happening, but your doing the right things as best you can. Its out of your control, but you should still be proud of your efforts. Keep moving forward, you got this.
Hi Bob. Just to echo Fogg. The N/C is a multi functional tool. It gives W something she wants and gives Bob some relief from the sitch. I know you keep upto date with my sitch and I find it very hard to see W most days and hear from her everyday. We never have a cross word and W is often very upset , this does nothing to help with my detachment
Re the phone , perfect , you did the right thing in my opinion You tried to pay but couldn't Leave it at that and if W ever mentions it again you can tell her what happened
Take care Mate. Your doing well. Rd
Bob - Woah... You blew through a 10 page thread in 7 days!
Hey Bob,
I haven't been posting much the past few days. I'm more just reading and absorbing and gaining comfort so much from others and their sitches on this supportive forum. Just knowing you're not alone is majorly medicinal.
I think you're holding up well to the NC BTW.
Anyway, just wanted to say hi and send you a brotherly ((Bob)).
Diesel
Hey Diesel,
Thank you my friend, I understand!! Also, thanks for the encouragement and the brotherly hug.
Back at you -- (((Diesel)))
I guess only the passage of time will convince her that I am working on my flaws.
Bob,
Its possible, but its also possible she may never see them. Its hard getting to the point where you accept either possibility happening, but your doing the right things as best you can. Its out of your control, but you should still be proud of your efforts. Keep moving forward, you got this.
Hello Fogg,
Thank you for the encourgement!! It means so much to me, Fogg.
Bob
Hi Bob. Just to echo Fogg. The N/C is a multi functional tool. It gives W something she wants and gives Bob some relief from the sitch. I know you keep upto date with my sitch and I find it very hard to see W most days and hear from her everyday. We never have a cross word and W is often very upset , this does nothing to help with my detachment
Re the phone , perfect , you did the right thing in my opinion You tried to pay but couldn't Leave it at that and if W ever mentions it again you can tell her what happened
Take care Mate. Your doing well. Rd
Hello Rd,
You are another one of the caring folks on this forum that I care about so much!
It sounds like you totally understand. Sorry you are going thru this, too.
And, thank you for the encourgement. It means so much to me Rd!
Bob
Bob - Woah... You blew through a 10 page thread in 7 days!
Hey Mahhhty,
Make that 11 now.
I wonder if that is some sort of "unofficial" record for this forum?
Most of it is probably me rambling on....LOL
Thanks for checking in, sir!
Bob
As the LBH, I'm praying that my WAW has noticed, and will continue to notice, my self-control in the coming weeks. I have done my best to not contact her for several weeks, except for the text where I asked about her folllow-up doctor appoinment. This is a complete 180 for me. I guess only the passage of time will convince her that I am working on my flaws.
I think part of the problem for you here Bob, and for us all, is for us to do our best and put the rest up to God. We, as humans, seem to be driven to problem solving and just sitting is hard for us all.
Just have faith that whatever is best for Bob will be what happens. Of course I say this knowing that I too am struggling with letting go of the outcome and just live the journey. Zephyr made a comment to me about finding out what makes me happy. His comment is much more elegant, feel free to check out my thread, but it was very thought provoking for me.
*hugs*
E
Please start a new thread - Cadet
Hello Eirinn, very well said and true! I will check your thread for Zephyr's post.
Hello Cadet, you got it. Coming up:
WAW Filed for Divorce Next Day Pt. 4 (Bob