Time for a new thread!
Link to thread 1:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2557856 My last post from thread 1:
Last night, W called to talk to S4. Usual stuff, "how was school", "I miss you", "See you Friday", etc.
I asked to speak with her after. Mustered up a positive tone, and I told her that I found some more of her clothes while I was cleaning and doing laundry, and that I would send them with S4 when he goes to the sitter's on Friday. Also mentioned her city tax form, which she never completed, and would send those as well.
Asked how her day at work was. "Fine." Told her to have a good night, and a good day tomorrow. Could tell that she was holding back a hard cry, and she said she had to go.
It was hard to not try to console her, but I understand that this is the journey she has to take, and that I have to let it be.
Journaling:
No porn since BD, no cigarettes since Monday, S4 and I are working on a wooden model race car. Mostly me right now, since it is time for sanding, painting, etc. S4 did pick the color: Glittery red.
I have a coat or 2 more of primer, sanding it, spraying a few coats of color, and then 10 coats of lacquer or so. Don't want glitter shedding off all over the place! Then, polish and final assembly.
S4 told me he wants to take it over to W's apartment when it's done. I asked him why. His response was that he wanted to play with it there so he could think of me whenever he does. For 4 years old, kid sure has a depth to him. :-)
Took my motorcycle to work this morning. The ride in was, well, brisk, but the ride home was perfect.
S4's goodnight call with W went well. She sounded a little better tonight. I mentioned that the bag of clothes I had for her was larger than I thought it would be since I had found more, and she said that it was fine. I wished her a good night, and let her go.
Opinion check: I don't get a lot of feedback on here. I realize I haven't given much myself, but haven't had much time to do so since I have been spending all my free time with S4 this week. Next week will bring more opportunity to reciprocate.
A few people drop by to engage me, but I still wonder if I am doing okay? I'm not doubting myself in my actions and interactions with W, but still unsure if I be doing more or less? Trying to be dim and work LRT. My emotions are generally stable these days, and I feel freer to work on myself since W left. I don't really worry about it much, but wonder if I am doing okay in DBing?
Today was an angry day at work. I tried to figure out why, and I realized I had forgotten to put on my nicotine patch this morning. Caved and had a cigarette before realizing I had a spare patch in my desk... Oh well, mistakes happen.
W's goodnight call to son went fine. I had nothing to say, so they talked, she hung up.
GAL plans this weekend: It's supposed to be nice, so I'm going to be working outside in the front and back yards, cleaning up sticks and junk from over winter. Cut the grass, plan some seeding, and start to rework the flower-beds. I see a couple truckloads of mulch and soil in my future. Also plan on checking gutters, cleaning inside the house, and maybe the garage if I still have time. Plan to go out either tomorrow or Saturday evening with some friends.
Little bit of a rough morning:
W picks up S4 today from daycare, and has him for the weekend through next Friday. Sent a bag of W's clothes with him, as communicated to W.
Had a cry about it when I got back home, and before I left for work.
As long as she has not changed plans without telling me (not out of the realm of possibility), I will see S4 in the mornings Mon-Thurs to get him on the school bus. Once school is out, he will likely be going to a new daycare near W's apartment. Her apartment is about 40 minutes away from me, in another city, close to her father and sister. Wanted to call her this morning to confirm this, and whether she was able to get another daycare for after the school year, but that can wait until my goodnight call this evening, right?
I have most of my plans laid out already, centering around housework (inside and outside) during the days, and time with friends during the evenings. Maybe a couple of motorcycle rides sprinkled in, as the weather is supposed to be nice.
Journaling:
Got out of work early. Spoke to W when she picked up S4. Mentioned that I would be cleaning up the house over the next few weeks, and that I would give her the opportunity to go through her things.
Cleaning out the garage now.
I miss S4 already.
Hang in there JAS.
I do find myself relying a little on the kids for my PMA at times. Find fulfilling things for yourself this weekend/week.
Thanks, u. I'm trying. GAL plans for tonight fell through, and I just don't feel like going stag tonight.
I'm going to grant myself 1 evening to reflect, and then, back at it tomorrow!
Got the garage "mostly" cleaned out. Found that there was a used motor oil container in the back that spilled... Going to have to clean that up. Oh, joy.
Have some weekend work to do in the morning, then house cleaning. May start gutting out the storage areas to get the rest of W's chit packed into boxes. That will be hard, but I need to do it.
She can't just store the remnants of "us" here. We both need to face the harsh reality of what things are like now. I would rather do it now, and get it out of the way, than wait until later, and have it bring me back to a bad place.
Goodnight call to S4 went well. He is excited to have his new room at W's place. He and W were building Legos, and he was having fun. He tried to "show" show me his room by taking the phone in there and talking about it... So cute! W offered to take a couple pictures of his room and send them to me. I accepted.
Room looks nice. Good size, clean (new apartment, so, to be expected). I waited until this morning to reply.
My reply:
Looks like a nice-sized room! Thanks for the pics. How was his first night?
No reply yet. We'll see if she does. Otherwise, I will ask at tonight's goodnight call.
Work to do this morning, then cleaning, and work in the back yard. This evening, will be hanging out with a friend or 2.
Never got a reply to the text.. I didn't bring it up.
Last night's goodnight call was brief. He was playing and watching a show, and didn't want to talk much, which is fine.
I did talk with W briefly, just asking how his first night was, telling her about him "making sure I was still there" throughout the night before she moved, and mentioned that he has been sleeping a pretty consistent 9 hours at night, so she can factor that in when she puts him to bed on school nights. I then told her to have a good night.
This conversation wasn't particularly exciting, and it was only about S4, but it was the longest we have spoken in the past few weeks, so I see that as a plus.
GAL last night was to go out with a couple friends for beers. Enjoyed myself thoroughly. Stopped over at the bar by FIL's house to buy him a birthday beer first. Today is his birthday, and tomorrow is his wife's.
Today, I have more work, more housework, and will finally begin to tackle the back yard. Was not as motivated yesterday as I would have liked.
Also started putting lacquer on S4's model race car. Goal is to have it ready to take to W's tomorrow.
Had a decent text message interaction with W this afternoon.
My stepmother is having a small birthday party for one of my nephews today. W never answered as to whether she was going, so I reached out to ask.
Me: Good Afternoon! SM said she never heard from you, so I an reaching out to confirm whether S4 was going to be coming to the little birthday thing for nephew.
W: No we are getting together with my dad, it's his birthday today.
Me: Okay. Thanks for replying. I know it's FIL's birthday today, and SMIL's (stepmother-in-law) is tomorrow. I stopped over at bar (local bar, across from FIL's house) last night for an early birthday beer with him before meeting up with my friends. Have a nice day!
W: You too.
This is the first time she has reciprocated ANY pleasantries since BD. Does it mean anything? No. It was just nice. No mind-reading, no cares about meaning, detachment in progress.
Stopping up at the bar unannounced for something like that would be considered unexpected behavior from me, and follows a previous request from W to be with family outside of obligation. Part of my 180s.
Goodnight call last night was relatively uneventful. S4 had a good day, they hung out with FIL for his birthday.
W mentioned that S4 has a rash on his chest and belly. He had been playing in some leaves on Saturday with his cousins, so I asked when the last time he had a bath was, and whether he seemed uncomfortable. She replied that he had one on Friday (We typically bathe S4 every other day), and that he didn't seem to be itchy.
I wished them a good night, and restful sleep.
This morning, text message conversation:
W: Going to keep S4 home with me today, he was up quite a bit coughing last night. I'll let school and sitter know.
Me: Aww, that $uck$... I hope he's okay. Let me know if there's anything I can do.
Me: Forgot to ask... How is that rash you mentioned last night? Any spreading? Do you think the cough is related?
W: It hasn't spread, it looks more like hives than a rash. They are still pretty red but he's not complaining of them itching. I put calamine lotion on them last night and got some Benadryl just in case.
Me: Okay. Sorry for the 20 questions. Just got concerned when you said you were keeping him home from school. Have a good "bonus" day together! Even if he's not feeling well, extra time is awesome. Sending love, care, and well-wishes.
Element of 180 here: Did not start firing off suggestions of what she could do for S4. I have to let her make her own decisions.
Tonight's goodnight call was brief. S4 had an Albuterol treatment (intermittent asthma issues) just prior, and was all fired up (always happens). He wanted to run around. Talked to W for a few minutes about how he was feeling, and confirmed that he will be going to school tomorrow. Told her to take care, and I ended the call.
She just called back, but I missed it (phone didn't ring, missed-call notifications go to my email). Tried calling back after a few minutes, no answer. Assuming unimportant, or a misdial. Considering TM followup, but leaning towards not.
Otherwise, feeling pretty detached today. Went out after work and socialized with some random people for about an hour. It was nice to just BS with people with zero expectations, and to just let it flow.