The story so far.
Recent news: after a bit of a 'discussion' we are alternating time at home with the boys.
But the big news just in today is that WW has just been made redundant.
She'll be back after work for a couple of hours before she goes off to OM's for the night: it's my turn with the kids tonight.
I thought I'd make the dinner as a gesture of support.
OD,
Sigh. The fallout of her A continues.
You cook because that is what fathers do...right? Do you have plans with the kids for this Easter weekend?
Yes, father's make sure their kids don't starve but do I include her? She didn't cook for me the there day when I was here. This could be an opportunity to show empathy.
I don't know what's going to happen about paying the rent & bills though.
Re kids at Easter: we can't do much because S15 is recovering from his operation. A visit to my mum's is about it. Not that exhilarating for them I'm afraid. Maybe I can think of something else that won't exhaust him.
OD
Empathy? Why?
Presumably W has not been in employment long enough to get a redundancy payment. However now she is S with you, how she pays is her stuff to figure out in my book. I have stopped paying towards H lifestyle. he has had to have debts to do his share. Tough.
V
Er because I'm a nice guy ... in more ways than one.
She won't be getting any other help from me.
She still off to OM's tonight.
OD
This is probably not the time to soothe W and be the nice guy! She will have OM mopping her tears, who knows he may offer her a job or may not!
Not suggesting you are nasty to W, you can validate "w that's a tough gig for you".
Just saying.
V
OD - I get a little confused with your sitch, because I'm not sure how on board you are with trying to do things as a family. If it's family dinner time - I'm sure she should be welcome to join you - but cooking specifically for her is something her husband should do and she has fired you from that position.
You can validate how stressful this situation must be for her - but in my opinion, that should be the vast majority of the extent of your "helpfulness".
Polite, positive and cheerful! Her life may be going to c***, but yours is not!
She just returned home so I said I'm really sorry about your job.
I actually learned the name of a colleague, the other one who's getting there boot, and a bit about how the PR person has just got a brand new Merc to go with her vast hospitality budget. Apparently they spend loads on awards and things. I listened and validated but that's it.
It's Easter hols this week and both boys are home and S15 also has a friend visiting so I'm 'looking after' them. I told her I'm making dinner and that's about it. We don't do family things now after this last weekend.
I'm feeling quite cheerful about the possible hardship, and certainly some worry, she'll have to face. She is getting paid for two months and doesn't have to work notice though.
And she will be able to look after S15 while he's off school recovering.
And another thing. I'm a little to admit this after all the advice I've had about tough love ... but I asked her if she wanted to stay the night rather than go off to OM's (as it's about 40 mins away). Too damn soft. Why did I do that?
She declined anyway, so sod her.
Going to watch Looper with the boys instead.
Dude, STOP!!!!!!
Not only did SHE fire YOU from being her H, but dang!!!! Show some self-respect!!! She's been eating CAKE for months and you're encouraging it. I thought you wanted things to change?
Sigh. Yes, I will stop.
That's it now. It's me me me (and the boys) from now on.
I'm trying to buy a convertible Merc if I can get the financials sorted. I've never had a decent car.
I'm glad she didn't stay now. I had a good time watching Looper with the boys. We have a laugh about things, like singing dogs in YouTube. I am worried about being a mate rather than a dad to them though. WW called them mate sometimes: I have never done that.
I just heard her cone back to pick something up before she goes to work for the last time. My heart jumped and I felt anxious hoping she wouldn't come in the bedroom.
What a terrible state of affairs (in more ways than one) to be in. I feel so sad that this has happened, ashamed for my part in it and angry that she refused to get help to save our marriage.
----------
I would if I could V the one I've got my eye on is a sort of silver grey. What's appealing is that it runs on LPG.
There are far too many silver cars around in my opinion.
Hi OD, I would hold firm on the W front. No softening and inviting her to stay over. She has made her choices recently, and you have agreed a way forward that protects yourself from wayward behaviour. Are you thinking that asking her to stay would start to rebuild something between you? Because with OM in the picture it's pointless - that just isn't going to happen right now. Though in time.....who knows?
Sounds exciting about the car OD. I don't mind silver myself.....particularly in a Mercedes
:-)
I didn't see my offer as softening at all and I do intend to be more hard nosed about this from now on.
I was just being kind. It's what I would have said to any friend. Mind you she's not my friend any longer, so perhaps I shouldn't have. I certainly wasn't thinking it would affect her thinking in any way.
My turn with the boys is over now. We had a good time visiting my mum - well as good a time as can be expected visiting someone who is 85. We went out to the garden centre, had a nice lunch a mucked about with garden trolleys and big plant pots etc.
Today I drove down to the station, left the car in the car and texted WW where it was. My train was late and while I was leaning up against a post outside the station she walked past right in front of me.
We ignored each other.
It's better than what I wanted to say though. :-)
Nice restraint.
Practise makes perfect ... in about 10 years perhaps.
Oh, so self deprecating.
My turn with the boys is over now. We had a good time visiting my mum - well as good a time as can be expected visiting someone who is 85. We went out to the garden centre, had a nice lunch a mucked about with garden trolleys and big plant pots etc.
Today I drove down to the station, left the car in the car and texted WW where it was. My train was late and while I was leaning up against a post outside the station she walked past right in front of me.
We ignored each other.
Old I did just that at a funeral.
He could have crossed the divide same as you, he didn't just as she didn't.
Good work, she means nothing. I think that's good.
Flipping the bird would mean you cared, cold who gives a rats a$$ you mean nothing and I cannot be bothered to waste my time is good.
Throws old a treat, that's good. Practice mate.
I don't even wave when I think I see his car or I even know it's his car. He doesn't exist.
His family told me I didn't so there wish is granted.
Only recently I accidentally waved to a bus to what I thought was a driver I knew. Whoopy it was h! Poop.... But who cares.
I suspect he knew it wasn't him I waved to.
I haven't quite got there yet. You see those pictures of fake vs real smiles?
You can guess.
I have the look between the eyebrows thing to a fine art form. Different to Ceroc when I am happy to smile, laugh, have fun with the dance and enjoy the company.
H mocks all that because he won't dance.
My dad (93) said if a man can't or won't dance he is useless as a lover. My dad is twinkle toes personified. He tells me it took him years to learn but he was glad he did as it made mum very happy. I did not ask but he smiles wistfully and hums a happy tune.
WW is clearly guilty and ashamed otherwise she would acknowledge you, she knows your boundary and it does not suit her purpose. I believe WW has (temporarily depending on OD) lost the best R she ever had and it will not sit well with WW. Her happy dream of cheesecake with cream has gone. The OM is no cheese.
OD is becoming a man only a fool can leave with great GAL, boundaries and PMA.
Good for you OD. It is a bitter pill for WW to swallow.
V
It's funny how people look at things in different ways. I'd assumed she kept looking straight ahead as she walked past in case I cussed her out.
I also know that I don't know and that's why i didn't mention it on here. Mind reading gets you nowhere.
I went to see the nice car I'm going to buy (please Nationwide Building Society) this morning. I feel quite excited about it.
I'm also excited about going back to Leroc on Tuesday.
I forgot to mention but I've always been known by WW by my initials e.g. OD but after after the kerfuffle the other day I sent WW a text saying I don't want you to call me OD again. My name is Old to you now.
I wish you the best OD (can I still call you OD?)
This is tough stuff. (I wish I was wrong more often about my mind reading though)
Hope the new car works out for you - exciting stuff!!!! I love my convertible merc.
Ok I drive a ford truck - but I can daydream.
:-) of course U; we're all friends here.
And thanks.
Up with the lark this morning ... stupid lark.
And I can't help thinking why am I here, at the flat instead of home with my wife and children tucking into chocolate eggs?
Obvioulsy a rhetorical question, but damn I miss my family.
Hi Old Dog , I think we all have those thoughts. It would be so much easier to reconcile than carry on down this road of seeming heartbreak and turmoil but I think the way to look at it could be , everything happens for a reason. Our WAS felt that happiness was elsewhere and they made their choices. There is small comfort that most relationships born this way don't last and WAS will possibly have regrets but it's also an opportunity for the LBS to grow. If we don't take some positives from what's happened to us we are just compounding the hurt we feel. From where we where on BD , things have to get better. No one knows what's around the next corner of life and this time next year Old Dog could be home stuffing himself with Easter eggs.
Take care. Rd
Happy Easter, OD. Holidays are tough, that's for sure, but you can still tuck into the eggs! I see Cadbury has created a furore over the new cream eggs - not the same apparently. I'm not a fan myself but I saw lots of them in the windows around London so methinks they must be popular there?
Happy Easter friends.
Rd I get it. Just a bit it sad early in the morning.
None of my friends are available today so I've put my iPhone on shuffle and thrown myself into spring cleaning. And when I decide to do something like that, I do it properly. So that's taken my mind off things.
Hi gan, I bought some hot cross buns and a Lindt choc bunny each for me and my flatmates. Nom nom nom! And now I'm having a little rest with a cuppa tea and a Welsh cake.
Hot cross buns, yummie..............
I make a wonderful pudding with eggs and hot cross buns and extra spice. Had not thought of that for a long time.
Happy Easter OD. As I am a chum then I am sticking with OD?
Leroc tonight right!
How is S recovering?
V
Or NSOD :-) You are indeed a chum ... with lots of bounce. And I'm sure you winalot. Oh dear, I'll stop there.
Yes, Leroc tonight and I'm looking forward to shaking a tail feather.
S15 is doing really well and the way he has to stand, tall and straight, makes him look very serene ... in his PJs.
I went to see the car I had my eye on and put a deposit down on it. Woohoo. Upwardly mobile again ... until I hit a traffic jam.
OD
Gave you the opening and you ran with it, threw you the bone, no canned humour here!
Dancing tonight, so envious!
New car too..........
V
Glad to hear good news about your son. Good news on GAL. New car. always nice !!! Great to hear a positive post. Pleased for you. Take care. Rd
Hi OD, sounds like you are doing well, shaking those tail feathers and the new car too - glad to hear it. And glad to hear S is standing tall.
Can I ask what is the difference between Ceroc and Leroc?
Enjoy your dancing - I'm hoping to go tomorrow night :-)
Not a lot of difference really. Ceroc is a little more 'pro' which is understandable I reckon as it split off from Leroc a while ago to pursue a business model whereas Leroy is more 'open source'.
You crack me up NSOD! Thanks for bringing me a smile this morning. So glad to hear S15 is doing well.
What did I do?
I was just being normal.
Did a spot of work on my bike this evening after making dinner.
I brought my Bose speaker doodah down to the kitchen so i caould listen to some music while doing it. Quite a productive evening.
Replaced the rear brake pads and adjusted them as best I can. I need these as the first mile on my journey to work is downhill ... fast.
Fitted SPD pedals and cleats to my shoes.
Fitted a new saddle.
Scraped some of the muck off the gears.
The thing needs an overhaul really, including new wheels.
Hi Old Dog I'm big in to motorbikes and working on them always takes me to a calm , focused place. I rebuilt and sprayed my dad golf buggy and had a great time
Take care. Rd
I once rode a bike, hit a pot hole, came off and was badly injured.
Decided cars suit me better.
I can repair a lawn mower and a tap washer, any points for that?
V
I put it off too long really, the back braking was grinding a bit ... yikes, not good. But when I got down to it, I'm pleased with last night's results.
I always used to do my own car repairs back in the day. It gives you satisfaction that you can do stuff like that, but there's always something that's rusted solid and won't budge which can be ... let's say quite frustrating. Take 10 and come back to it.
Everyone comes off V, though it's been about 20 years for me since the last one: and it's always vehicle drivers. I say vehicle because a bus once pulled out right in front of me. You can't go round a bus, so I went straight into the middle of it.
Defo plenty of points for lawn mower repairs and tap washers.
Duct tape fixes everything, bale string too!
I can do a lot of stuff, h always stated I stuffed it up, but in my head I get points for doing.
My most famous thing include castrations of a few specis, freeze branding and some specialised car stuff.
Must admit h had nothing to say, when I broke the electric window on his car, left it in pieces because I knew how to take apart, but fir the life of me could not fix.
He did however demand payment for the worn out motor and bent bits. Pfffft h, not likely.
Duct tape fixes everything, bale string too!
And is available in designer colors too!
You can't rock without gaffer*.
*Gaffer tape is the duct tape of the music biz.
Hi OD, just catching up on your sitch. Good to hear you've been repairing things. I think doing things with your hands like that is quite therapeutic.
Just reading your sitch recently, it sounds as though things have settled down to a 'new normal' for you guys. For a while, there were some regular 'tense exchanges' with your W, but things sound a bit calmer for you right now...A little more detached maybe...?
Hope you're still enjoying your dancing. Last night I was glad to be a woman and not a guy - there's a lot more pressure on the guys to learn and lead in Ceroc!
T :-)
Thanks for checking up on me Toots. It's nice to know people care.
My situation is strange. It's certainly better that I don't see WW any more. But I'm not sleeping well. I was awake at 5am again this morning with some of the things she has said to me swirling around my brain and also thoughts of her with him. Urgh! You just can't help it: even when tring to practise mindfulness. All of which makes me inwardly teeth and silently curse her.
I am enjoying dancing though. I can get the moves pretty quickly altough I do have to think about what I'm doing still and I can't remember what we did last week.
I'm going to pick up my new car after work today and stay with an old friend. So that'll be nice.
Duct tape fixes everything, bale string too!
And is available in designer colors too!
Of course it is, a while ago I had some hawt pink stuff, it's awesome.
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. Lol
Zippie ties are good too.
Designer colours?
Where do I get some purple to keep my bed socks on at night?
V
Designer colours? Oh yes.
Just google gaffer or gaffs tape.
I picked up my new car last night and took my friend and his kids for a spin.
So many buttons. And the instruction booklet is so thick!
I did manage to find the right button to close the roof but I somehow knocked the gearshift out of automatic and onto semi automatic and couldn't get it back.
It's put a smile on my face though :-) replacing the miserable thoughts I usually have first thing in the morning.
Congratulations to the new car! This seems to be the perfect car for the upcoming summer. I am jealous!
Best of luck with the new car. Old dog
Take care. Rd
So when are you driving up wife's street with the doof doof music playing ?
You can say can't hear you wife, in a hurry places to be! Lol
Seriously awesome stuff, pumps air and cheers.
I'm not. I don't want to see her and I don't want her to see me.
The kids can tell her.
Yeah......
Enjoy the new experience, I recollect my fun when I got the little red convertible.
Go to the beach and pose..
V
I'm not. I don't want to see her and I don't want her to see me.
The kids can tell her.
Revenge is for the weak,
Getting even is nasty.
Getting ahead (or a little red car) is for the strong.
Show off, a chance passing by would be awesome. I would loooove to see her face when see she's it.
OD,
I can put on some good ol' lipstick and ride in your shiny new wheels with the top down! I can blow a kiss in W's direction.
OD,
I can put on some good ol' lipstick and ride in your shiny new wheels with the top down! I can blow a kiss in W's direction.
OD, maybe you should take Wonka up on the offer!
Wonka, you are too funny.
Bob
I'm imagining it right now :-)
How many GAL points do I get for last weekend?
Friday: Buy flash motor. Caught up with a friend & met his kids. Mex food, German weissbier & red wine :-)
Saturday: Up to London to watch my footie team.
Sunday: Took my flatmates for a spin in the sunshine in the morning and up to London for another friends birthday bash at a Moroccan themed bar.
I don't do red lippy, but push up bra, d cups and low cut top with heaps of clevage showing, stops most men (couple on Friday actual did u turn and snap a vertebrae I'm sure) and women tend to oggle and cringe.
That would be good kibble to throw her! Let her choke on those! Lol
Yeah, well I do that ... and you're defo right about the vertebrae snapping thing.
Hmmm
I thought it was just falling off motor bikes that did that!
Break vertebrae I mean.
V
I mentioned on V's thread that my Tuesday Leroc evening was overshadowed by WW who texted me asking if I was "... still planning to be here this weekend? And alternate ones after that?"
I replied "Yes, I'll be back after 8pm on Friday. I won't need the car." But I was miffed because she invaded my GAL space and also because I wanted to text her first with my plans and she got there first.
And I guess I'll have to knock a GAL point off for that, although I did take the new car down there just for fun.
-----
Today she also sent me a text. "I've been thinking about you saying that I don't care about how you feel. I'm sorry you think that, and I'm sorry it presents like that.
I do care about how you feel. Knowing I can't do anything to help it or alter it pains me in a way you undoubtedly wouldn't imagine. And I will probably carry that with me indefinitely."
The a bit about logistics this weekend. She's going to leave around 7.30pm on Friday and return at 5pm on Sunday.
-----
I should probably just ignore this but I so want to say something like "oh I'm soooo sorry that my response to you wrecking our family is causing you such pain. How selfish of me. Please don't bother yourself over me. You are the most important one in this dynamic. I'm sure the kids will learn to cope with being from a broken family. And don't spare a second thought for me."
My anger at this text is colouring my evening. And I'm so tired because I'm lying awake for three hours in the middle of the night again churning negative thoughts. I try to banish them with mindfullness but they keep coming back.
The bit where she say "Knowing I can't do anything to help it or alter it pains me in a way you undoubtedly wouldn't imagine." gets me. You mean "won't" not "can't" you selfish ****.
At least I did see my counsellor today but it was too early to discuss the text.
Old Dog. Ok you know you should "probably just ignore this"- so please listen to yourself !
Please, please, please do not respond like that. Are the logistics settled? Fine, then no response needed.
As to invading your GAL time. Perhaps it's time to turn the phone off for awhile.........
No, I won't reply ... at all.
Just wanted to vent a bit as my flatmates are away thus evening and I can't get a word in edge ways if I phone my mum. I do know all the village gossip though.
OD
ralliced is or on.
Ironically I think by responding you will be appeasing W and she can justify herself. If she ever asks "WW your text did not required a response."
If this was H and V
"Did you get my text?"
"yes"
"and?"
"And what?"
"Did you think, you did not respond"
"It did not need a response"
"It did!"
"Enough"
To respond would be to sooth WW, so let her stew. No dignifying her rubbish with a response.
I am also curious how you can dance with a phone? I leave mine in my car!
My dancing GAL is very precious me time. Dance time is fun time and nothing is going to spoil that, music dancing, learning, exercise and points.
A new car, dancing and points. Go OD!
V
raliced is or on ???
Yes, you're right, this text is all about making herself feel better about her affair by pretending to feel guilty. BS!
Re dancing with a phone: I have pockets. They're extra pieces of materials sewn onto the trouser so you can put things in :-) I will leave it behind or turn it off - I do mute it, but it vibrated and alerted me that way.
OD
Sorry: spot on.
R is spot on!
Lumps, bumps and buzzing in a guys pockets whilst dancing? Hmmmmmmm
V
Grrrr. I'm angry, That 'Grrrr' doesn't do it justice at all. I feel rage and hate in my heart.
It's going to take a supreme effort to climb out of this dark hole.
Just sayin' :-(
At least on vibe, there is some thrill! That involves batteries.....
norty gg.
Turn it off. Get mad od, real mad. Her calls do not rate, period.
The vibrations do nothing for me Gg. I haven't had a stiffy since BD: that's over 10 months. Too much information perhaps but, hey I'm letting it all hang out: just not literally.
I am real mad Gg. My heart is full of hate. I curse her with all the inadequate names I can think of when I'm alone ... at full volume ... and then burst into tears.
I hate being abandoned, rejected and discarded like some worn out clothing. I hate the way she has just decided this is how it is and nothing in the world can change anything.
I feel a complete failure and so ashamed with myself for my inability to keep my marriage intact and loving. I even find it difficult to shave as I am avoiding my own eye contact. What kind of man are you? A nice guy. I hate that.
I am angry that I have missed so much of my boys growing up, especially in the last three years, and will do so again in the future because I have not and will not be physically there. I am angry that my communications with them when I am away is crap. I hardly ever call them on their own phones as they're always switched off or out of juice and I don't want to call the house phone as she will answer it.
I am angry that my nice new car developed an engine fault as soon as I got in to drive back and so I had to leave it at the flat and get the train again. Could I not just enjoy a couple of weeks without this piled up on top of everything else? This also meant I had to text WW and say I will need our car and can she leave it at the station. I am angry that I had to climb down and do this as I wanted to be independent and also roll up in and show the boys. S12 has seen it on facebook apparently as he asked me if I'd got it. Which means that WW may now know. And, it announced, the big service is coming up in a couple of weeks time. Oh the timing is superb.
There is more but I think that's enough for now. Today is not a good day and I am not in a good place and it's hard to just watch it.
It was a joke Joyce.
More than likely not so funny dad type joke. Use the emtion as forward movement.
It's tough, real tough look out for you.
Don't worry about the car, that's what the dealer has to deal with not you.
Your human od, human. Do not beat your self up.
But there is nothing to be gained from hate, she will feel those negative thoughts they come out when you least expect it. Just in body language.
Opposite of love is indifference. Work towards indifference.
I know it was a joke Gg. If I was in a better frame of mind I would have responded differently. But there you go, I didn't expect that kind of physical non-reaction. It's quite amazing really when you thin about it. I'm asexual.
Body language doesn't matter at the moment as we don't wee each other since I told her I don't want her here when I am back to see the kids.
I wasn't doing too badly until recently, but for reason I've fallen off the cliff ... and it's a long way up.
We all have bad days and yes we all fall of the cliff. Last week I was having a crapola week.
Things bothered me, I upset people and annoyed them, I was sensing people hated me.
And you know what this morning I felt sick after eating out just off.
Tonight it was time of the month. That explains last week completely. Absolutely completely.
That's big ugly word hormones.
;)now perhaps I will lose weight this week. Sigh I might just have to take up insert dirty word .........
exercise.
Oh and ads can have the no sexual feelings, if you take them.
Thought so.
BTW Cadet, can you add gaslighting to the abbreviations ... even though it actually isn't one. I keep forgetting what it means ... like now.
Gaslight after the Alfred Hitchcock film where a H tries to persuade his W that she is going mad by altering her reality. The lights go up and down.
I am going to post about the other Gg style stuff
V
OD
I am not surprised you are good and annoyed and that's fine you know. The car is irritating but it can be sorted, have you any idea of the issue?
I am going to tackle the libido comment because I get it. I really do. V has a high drive, car as well as sex. When this abuse happened with H all of that disappeared. I had the equivalent reaction, my desire which has been lifelong disappeared into thin air. It really has not emerged fully again but the twinges are there.
Rejection hurts, it hits our core, it hurts and causes real pain in our lives. it drives desire away, partly I think as a protective mechanism to prevent more hurt in our lives. I had not masturbated for almost a year before the desire came back just a little. Even thoughts of Liam and my very own plug in purchased (none of that battery driven, I need the hard stuff)......
But I am ok now. OD, this really is temporary thing, a gorgeous sexy Lady who loves you and wants to be with you and the anger will disappear. Or like V suddenly one day the twinges return, a lifelong lust habit reappears. After my H1 died it was very tough In the getting it on for V department.
Yes I know I am not a guy and don't have tons of experience in the shake the bed head numbers game as I need to be in a proper R to get my confidence. No casual stuff for V. Indeed sex gets better for me the longer I am in an R and the safer I feel in it.
I do understand why you are good and angry and truly it tinkers with the love of self which includes self love. That is the Kubler Ross grief phase you are in and it is absolutely completely on cue. if our spouses are running around getting it on, then all of it hurts us more because of the loss.
I would love to give you a great big hug, take you dancing, ride in the car and introduce you to your favourite film star.
It is going to be good you know with or without W. I internet promise you.
V
V, I'm so glad you said that. I've been struggling with that problem for a long, long while now and frankly I've been worried it wouldn't ever come back. I appreciate you saying it can, under the right circumstances. Maybe if I worry about it less that are will improve on its own.
OD, this is not a fun time in your life but if you decide who you're going to be on the other side you'll have a much better shot of getting there. Keep working at it.
OD
The shaving issue, it is the same with mascara, looking myself in the face. Hadn't thought of it as I used to wear make up.
Must be a reason. I need to ponder.
V
Are you really going to own her stuff? Own your stuff and change it now in your interactions with others in your life. Make a point of looking at yourself in the mirror, maybe even intentionally as a mindfulness practice. But don't own her stuff.
Shame was the word that came to mind for me too. If you have a look at my thread in Infidelity, I'm reading Brene Brown at the moment, and it is profoundly insightful in this area. There are also two of her talks on TED - on vulnerability and shame. Reading and hearing her stuff has made me realise that I have some thinking and some work to do...
I hope this is helpful, and I would encourage you to take a look. I haven't read NMMNG (yet!) but a couple of posters have said there are links to that.
Have a nice day OD. I bet if others looked at your face, they would see a good man who is trying to deal with current struggles as best he can. Perhaps you can see the same if you look in the mirror again? Be kind to yourself...
(((OD)))
Od given some of what you have raised has prompted me to do a,special kind of update on my thread.
Maybell - I'm not owning her stuff. Crikey, I have enough of my own. It's my own toxic shame that I'm ... er ... ashamed of.
Toots - I've watched the Brene Brown TED talks quite a few times. I must get the book though. I'll pop over to your thread again and take a look: I haven't seen it for a while. Sometimes I just take a few days break from posting. If you do read NMMNG, then you know me :-( Well the old me. some of it has been kicked into touch now.
V - I'm not at all worried about ... er ... functioning correctly when the time comes. In fact, funnily enough, my body reminded me that it's in full working order this morning at 5am when I had what can only be described as a [whisper]nocturnal emission[/whisper]. Now there's a coincidence for you. The bedsheets needed washing anyway.
Gg - Looking forward to reading more of your wild story. Go to get the sheets out of the washing machine now and go to work.
OD
I wasn't really thinking about the plumbing (F) or apparatus (M) and its operational status ~ heaven forbid!
Maybe I should have.
I am glad that the awakenings that I read on your thread, my own and Ggs imply that just knowing that the light switch is off provokes the unconscious to find a new pull mechanism. The light comes on.
My thoughts were more about the physiological desire which is part of well being. The va via voom of sexual tension rather than sexual conjunction. The desire of connection and the meaning of that to the spirit. The idea and meaning that it is the healthy attitude and outlook, that when I am most comfortable with life that the integrity and integration of body and spirit encompasses sexuality.
I have been musing on the eye contact issue and discovered I can put on eye make up when I use a small mirror. I do not like my face sometimes, it appears distorted in a mirror. Because of my weight I am not keen on my nakedness either. That may be shame too. I can look into another's face as long as I gaze between the eyes rather than at the eyes. Odd.
My other observation is that shame is about who we are, guilt is about what we do. The former may be unhealthy mentally especially if toxic and the latter motivating if it encourages action and change. Is there any way that OD can convert his shame into guilt to encourage forward motion?
V
There you are you see. Blokes: one track mind :-)
When I was young and stupid, I used to have trouble looking into anyone else's eyes, always averted my gaze. Eventually in my late teens, I think, I forced myself to do it and gradually, over a few months, I became OK with it.
Conversion of shame into guilt. Hmmm, I may mention this to my IC.
I left my phone on mute and in my bag at Leroc last night.
One new beginner and one new intermediate move learned, and plenty of ladies danced with ... which was nice :-)
Intermediate moves - woo hoo!
I need to get myself there again. Problem is I have a yoga clash....too much GAL!
Good job with the phone muting. Nice to dance with the ladies. I've enjoyed being touched again through dancing. Not having kids of my own and being all tactile with them, I miss it...My Mum likes hugs, kisses and a bit of dancing though :-)
Intermediate moves - woo hoo!
Second week of intermediate moves :-) I also did some at the Ceroc weekender ... including a 'drop' where the lady falls and you catch her ... hopefully.
I need to get myself there again. Problem is I have a yoga clash.... too much GAL!
Don't let V hear you say that.
Good job with the phone muting. Nice to dance with the ladies. I've enjoyed being touched again through dancing. Not having kids of my own and being all tactile with them, I miss it...My Mum likes hugs, kisses and a bit of dancing though :-)
Oh Toots, it's dreadful. My primary LL is physical contact: I miss it so. Even before BD, WW was withdrawing gradually. She is always kissing and hugging the kids and of course she also now has the b****** as well now.
So dancing with so many friendly ladies is wonderful. I don't sound like too much of a lech do I? That's not the reason I go ... honest ;-)
Just as an amusing aside, is anyone else following #WikiShappsFacts on twitter?
So funny. What an absolute tool.
Just as an amusing aside, is anyone else following #WikiShappsFacts on twitter?
So funny. What an absolute tool.
So what is your favorite fact?
In 140 characters or less of course.
Grant Shapps IS the music man, and he can play piano
Grant Shapps IS the music man, and he can play piano
I guess some things in politics never change, maybe the medium it is expressed or the way it is handled.
I think we have had this sort of thing go on before,
just the characters have changed.......
Point in case, maybe in the UK it goes back even further?
The first presidential election in which dirty tricks were played was in 1844. One involved a newspaper story put out by the boss of the Whigs, Thurlow Weed, about an alleged slaveholder named Roorback who supposedly came across some of Democrat James Polk's slaves cruelly branded with Polk's initials--proof allegdly that Polk had sold slaves to raise money for his campaign. It wasn't true. Another involved an attempt by the Whigs to demoralize leading Democrats; to persuade the Democrats that the campaign was going badly the Whigs sent out a letter to that effect supposedly written by some high party muckety-muck. Still another involved the printing up of phony ballots; the ballots mixed up the names of Democratic and Whig electors, which was intended to confuse voters
Politics does attract some ... er let's say dubious characters at times.
Thought for today courtesy of Louise Hay.
No person, place, or thing has any power over me unless I give it, I am the only thinker in my mind.
That's all very well, but how do you train your mind not to give up the power?
I just received an text from WW and now I'm angry again.
OD,
I just received an text from WW and now I'm angry again.
What's going on? Why are you feeling angry?
Edit - start a new thread soon - Cadet
Because I'm not detached enough. Just seeing one arrive on my phone makes me feel angry, let alone what it says.
It brings me back to the reality of the situation I'm trying to escape from by GAL.
Sometimes I remember to try mindfullness and try to just watch the thoughts but other times it sets the mind into downward spiral.