Ears never turn you into a jackel!
Christmas
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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538865&page=1Oh dear edzs you broke it.
Seems the nvc, is why sometimes I go well and others it falls to crap.
It falls to crap because I try to push for outcomes and the ears come off rather than wheels. H is definitely j all the way. Confrontational hard immovable.
Some taugh him to mirror, but he Mirrors his want as the solution which IMHO often was my problem. Talk about way to make some one feel invalidated and of no value.
Sish.
Quick up to speed, the cute dude is a mystery, something is odd. Most people sort of revel stuff about them selves and share back and forth he's quiet reserved but out going it's just hard to place a finger on. Actions sort of say I like you friend material etc, but words mmmmm.
I asked him out it was a not now, but in a way it seems like a no.
Best back away, seems I am already making excuses, he's shy, reserved, new to town.
Spinning in away over simple stuff.
Right walking forwards.
no need to stop here.
Lil old me
Interesting stuff Gg. How are you feeling about it all, sounds like you may be reconsidering your next steps or am I misunderstanding?
Edz
Oh dear, emtional day.
well no thieving, livestock often things happen at least no ones dead. Felt a bit silly having to report to police that the mystery was solved.
Felt exhausted all day! Emtionally spent.
Been mulling over nvc, will watch some more. I can see why it works.
Yeah, re thinking some stuff. Need to settle a bit more things are easily stirred up given the tv program. Some stuff is taking a while to heal.
Hi gg,
Yes it surely does take some time. If it helps you at all while I'm the lbs here I was also the one emotionally and physically distanced by w for years in our marriage. To a large extent that and my tendency to depression led to the issues w cites as the reason shed had enough. I've had to work on those and the after effects of bd in and out of counselling so I know exactly what you mean about time, obviously not your sitch though and I'd never dream of comparing, you had a tougher time no questions there.
If you have things to vent or talk about that you're comfortable with discussing here, you know where we all are.
Edz
I spend a lot of time temp checking me, seems I forgot the self care thing.
Think I've been short sleeping too much. Today the diet hit the floor.
Been told About free ic, so I'm thinking the only reason why I couldn't go back was cost and running out of subsidised ones. Althought it does mean I will have to schedule in my days off.
Want some help with nvc technics and validation stuff. Ways of working it around and making it habbit.
It might help to sort out the not knowing where my head is at.
Althought a couple of times this week. I noted some one tryed to re write history or gas light me as mistaken. Now I just let them keep their view but I don't adopt their view.
Hi gg
Ic sounds a great plan, I avoided councilling for years despite the fact it could have helped me out, i thought i knew what theyd say and it couldn't make any difference, after bd I knew I needed someone's help it really did help me contextualise a lot of things.
Always remember (with apologies to simone elkeles)
Opinions (and views) are like @ssholes everyone has one ..
Mil is one for rewriting history to fit and it drove everyone around her to dispair as she would just say no the other person was wrong even when the "new" version made no sense. It seems to be a narcisit trick or at least it is in her case. I miss a lot from our marriage but not dealing with her!
Keep being you gg, believe in yourself I have faith in you.
Edz
Yeah, I miss being told I was wrong.
I don't miss being told I'm mad and psychotic. Even xh bought that one, he a dill.
So nope, don't miss a few things. Hopefully dinner Sunday. Working over the weekend.
Opinions are like arms every one has 2 and both they stink!
We can tell you you're wrong if it helps
IC is a good idea if you can. I find mine helps me figure out What is going on in my head. I know one if the reasons some people avoid it is because they are afraid what it might uncover (to be honest I didn't like the idea and stigma) but it has helped.
As for the NVC stuff I find it interesting and I can spot jackal sometimes but need to get better at stopping myself speaking it and doing more giraffe listening.
As for cute dude, I'd say if your spider sense is tingling then listen to that, we evolved that kind if intuition for a reason.
Gg, the NVC videos seem to have left an impression. I am glad. I found it particularly interesting to see how difficult some of the audience members found the exercises. It's challenging for sure. As Jim says, there are jackals everywhere.
It's not spidey sense, it's just mmm hard to put in words.
I think perhaps I'm finding some stuff super polite and almost scripted. No natural flow.
Although I sometimes drop out stuff when I do not mean to. I tend to think as I talk, my view of stuff clarifies as it comes out.
Some of this week stress fell out. He was very validating, listens pretty well and doesn't seem judgemental. All + could be just I expected stuff?
I'm mostly learning from live subjects, clasps hands together and laughes a witch type laugh.
They don't know what I do!
The testicle dude, is interesting too, he did something quite intimate for a casual friend
When he left the party last week, he touched the inside elbow. like cupped my elbow. Like a partner type gesture.
It's funny for me to think, of it as more a closer gesture than I suspect td does.
Peoples actions are interesting. I just find them interesting for no reason other than it's fun and new some thing I didn't do well before.
Boy h is the jackel on steroids. Yes I know I chose to put up with his punishments, it was all in the name of an easy life.
I do know on some levels I did retain my choices and h didn't like it.
S17 he knows he can chose, in a way I did I still that, but often he uses the no choice options. He will also argue to the death on being right.
In many ways to become something new means to leave the remains of who we were.
In my case I hang on to my life until I am ready to become and move into the new.
Gg, I see a wonderful person trying to rationalise what can not be rationalised. To understand what may never be understood.
H is in your past, Gg you are your own future. To move into the future then the past must be gone. I wished I had a wand which could create that world for you.
Your H is gone, please let go off the pain and damage H caused. Wish him well of his narc and let him go with it. Unless H awakes, and have hope he may, then Gg a new path opens for Gg.
Your IC is an excellent route for you.
V
I'm looking at the sitch just because of the tv show and the whole nvc.
In a way it was my choice to stay, as I thought the rewards were worth it. Really a very jackel thing.
I put up with the rubbish, because h used to dangle just enough carrot. Just enough.
It was my patterns of behaivours and what I would tolerate with excuses was why what happened happened.
H expected me to fill his narc type needs, which I did, by using punishments and the very occasional carrot.
It me trying to understand how to change the future. What I specifically did, how I was which begot the whole mess. That's excatly the point, what I did, what I do.
H stuff I was saying to someone last night his script of what happened with his w1 and was exactly the same, excatly. Trust me even down to the words h uses.
He considers people used up. Dirty and empty shells.
Now, I dint want to be caught up in at again.
I wasn't a total jackel, but I'm pretty sure I'm very close at times.
H saw judgmental statements as a problem, but h too was very judgemental.
I was always looking to find out what was going on and fix needs, but h voiced needs as jackel.
You don't love me because you spend time doing xyz.
Which was anything h didn't think you should do.
I was expected to give up those things, instantly (control) to prove my worth thus be provided with a crumb.
We might go to dinner with h paying. Thus h then kept score I went to dinner therefore you should..,.......
It became a big cycle.
Hi gg
So what do *you* want to have come out are you looking to understand yourself more? I ask because after my first hope f ic which was a quick fix rapidly faded that was my next call and the one that put so much into focus on both the m and my issues relating to s. Its the one point I can honestly say I realised how long these issues had been forming for *me* as opposed to w.
It sounds to me like you're making some excellent insights just wondering if you are reconsidering r or still think your direction is elsewhere after you've found some more about yourself?
As always you can tell me if I'm being too nosey
Hi gg
You may have already been told about this but its relevant.
There was a lab experiment with two sets of rats. Both sets were taught that you press a button to get food. Group A got good every time they pressed the button. Group B only randomly. One day they switched off the food and put it elsewhere in the maze. Group A quickly learned that it stopped working and went elsewhere, group B kept on pressing the button expecting the next push to give food which it never did.
Actually it reminds of a book about change called 'who moved my cheese? (Calm vanilla and edz, metaphorical cheese)
Any way occasional scraps of love and affection which we got used to rather puts many if us firmly in group B.
The NVC stuff is really interesting - I need to watch more.
Yup, group b ratty here. Kept hitting that button kept waiting, got the odd crumb here and then but mostly just wasn't wanted.
Yeap, group b rat! You bet. Cute dudes nice basically friendly but I think the no is a tell.
Feels like a nice friend to have, anything else we shall see.
The bloke boss rang up about came in today, it was fun bit of work repoir going on. Get to work with him tomorrow.
Yeah, it's about understanding me my reasoning and not h. From the point of view of my contributions. I want to not be like my friend who her h was abusive and the a was in a way too. She seems to be signing up for another round of cheeseeless tunnel, with new bf.
I do not want that to be me.
I tryed to be far to understanding and excuse making for h for far too long. Tbh.
Ok, worked with x kind of cute. Have some stuff in common. Seems he's a bit of a bush type. Boss was like so cute huh? So no expectations something might come out.
No date, which is ok.
Did my food for this week coming. Need to get some washing on.
The lamb got treated for lice, this poor lambie hides in the shed from the rain! He's a very soft sheep, he got crutched and wigged (which is wool round bottom trimmed to stop poo catching in the wool and trimmed round the eyes so he can see) he sat very still for shearing but was most put out by being drenched in very smelly water.
It should make him less itchy, which he will appreciate.
Oh bumped into the cute dude and yeah, he bolted for the hills. Feels like friend zoned to me. Which is ok.
'x kind of cute'
I think I've lost track, but with your bush type reference we are straight back to crocodile dundee
Friend zone is ok, more friends are good, and friends of friends can lead you to all kinds of good things.
besides you'll make edz jealous, and he'll start talking about his girth again
Not sure what to say to discussions on my girth that won't get me in trouble, chance would be a fine thing!
Nah gg keeps standing me up on dinner invites, excuses like its 10,000 miles and dinner would be cold, mere trivial things like that
I know right, 15 hours plus by plane! Dinner would be very cold.
X was the dude the boss rang up about last week.
Thinking over yesterday as you do on bed time, observing
It felt easy, there was sort of banter
He seemed to be asking stuff for understanding (seemed g like) rather than judging.
He was more open than the cute dude who seemed hard to connect with!
No getting all excited jim, but the nearest croc is thousands of km from here unless in a zoo. X prefers getting out of town into bush settings on his weekend. Doesn't seem to live the pub life style but has worked pubs. hospitality and retail. So that much in common.
Not sure his views on horses and farm which is a life style as much as a hobby. It cramps stuff often some cannot do it without resentment which was xh.
Man those puppet animals have a lot to answer for! I know know Resentment is bad, and connection is what I thought.
It explains why I felt judged and harrased, because h was completely jackal even when saying it's only done to help you was jackal.
It's why I exploded and in my head could hear all h scripts as my inner educator.
I had no rights to any feelings I had to justify why I even had them. H expected I could switch them off and provided forgiveness and say "sorry" issue ended.
It was all punishment, it certainly felt like it. H is still looking for leavers and punishments via his L, to control.
Sigh, it's not working, but he canot see that.
Evening, wow still? I really dont understand this kind of controlling behaviour. Why want to be with someone and want to control them? Yes, I know power but I still just dont get it.
Sounds like your getting things sorted in your mind gg.
Ah well shall have to eat these bread sticks all by myself
seems Fabio turned up and force fed me a whole packet of m&m!
Omg the truth is far less exciting, I ate the packet and shared a couple with the dogs.
I feel very sick!
groan....
At least the 5 foremen help put out the bins, they got their weekly run to the letter box.
Got to do the weekend chores, pick up doggie poos and now the lawn. The new phone cover for the brand new phone is here today as well.
Might have to go on a dog biscuits run as well.
Ah m&M's they'll get you every time I think they're psychic and syren call to be munched...or...possibly I just have no self control and eat them..this is why I have none in
I didn't mean to buy them, they just jumped in the trolley.
I swear gods honnest truth.
Went to tea with the fairy God mother, I nearly died however when s17 said he was coming!
Then when I told him I'd let him know what time by text, he said um nope, that message wasn't for you.
So not so suprised and s17 isn't returning to the planet of home anytime soon.
Told you the puppet animals were great! I loved your description of crutching and wigging, Gg. Can't wait till you take on mulesing though hope lambie is spared both that and fly strike!
I'm sorry you got the impression I crutches and wigged, I can do it but farm tennat did it not me.
Lambie was tailed and mulesed weeks ago. Tennat did their 200 one more meh, no drama. Lambie was one of theirs any way.
I thought those uk city slickers would be lost without explaination.
Yeah the jackel lol will be replaying that a few times slow learner here.
I understand now why praise in the jackel way makes things worse and it's hard to hear.
The inference is there are times when do not measure up.
But the bit where the woman was looking at ways to Handel her mother was me and s17.
He used to scream that's not what I said, said it back exactly! Cause when you don't your a liar! Mmmmmm complete jackal.
While I was trying to understand, he was busy trying to be right and winning.
Nope I did not do a good job, I give myself half a point for trying.
Nah, I figured you had a farm hand do that.
So you talk about the jackal speak but what of your giraffe ears? Can you look past all that jackal speak and hear only unmet needs? That's the tough part I think!
It's hard to get past that jackel speak, but s17, seemed to want to talk and keep words flowing even if it was about him arguing about why he did earn his reward.
Which Is what he said he wanted. Mmmmm but hard now the moments gone and my view is not the same as it was. Like I said I really need to watch that stuff a few times.
Morning gg
Well keeping talking seems good anyway, much easier than when questions or comments are hit with a disregarding noise or silence. Did you have a conversation as such or was it more an offload in your direction?
I guess more spew, with him copying h script word for word., which has happened lots of times.
It was more the trying to run me down that was more of an issue. The fact s17 now won't engage period apart from texts demanding money. Which have now ceased, and some newsy stuff is coming..
Might try some regular texts.
Ooooos forgot weigh in day.
Weight stationary
85.7
Total 2.2 lost since December.
Feeling ever more bloated this week, belly and beewbs.
If my observation on my cycle stays true to form, if I stay same there will be an end of month loss. Hopefully a good one.
S situation sounds difficult gg keep persevering sounds like you're doing everything you can do without the effort being matched by him.
I think it sounds like weight loss is going really well, keep dodging those pesky divebombing m&M's
mines stabilised and I know these last 4 inches (steady!) Are going to be the hardest to shift but ill get there. Upped to 55 situp/trunk/ core exercises this morning which seems to be doing something if only making me spend longer in the hot shower saying ow, why am I doing this again!?
No swimming yet as the pools been closed due to galas back on that tomorrow though.
Keep going gg, as always, youre doing great.
Sorry edzs for a change I did something different I went to bed. However nothing was different, I layed there sort of tossing and turning for ages.
The only one to have a hot outing this week was the wheelie bins, it's was rubbish day and recycling day this week. Need to fetch the stop out back, they have been out since Monday.
Car repair I had done yesterday isn't fixed so need to get moving and ring them for another go today.
And had a letter snail mail out of the blue from a long lost relo, so had to email them back last night. Interesting times. Life certainly isn't dull.
Evening gg
Nothing wrong with getting some rest! What's keeping you from getting to sleep, is it the brain tumble drier again, been getting that myself this week with all thats going on.
Got to get my car m.o t. Tested this month sigh likely to be a costly one yay, what's up that they didnt fix? Relative email sound interesting, hopefully someone you wanted to hear from?
Gg
Since I last posted a lot of discussion about S and jackal speak.
Poor old wonky ole lambie. I love lambie, went to see the film Shaun the Sheep in his honour. Was thinking about Gg and lambie during the film.
The jackal speak of H has really stuck with you, and It looks like recognising it for what it was is helpful to you. Won't help with the H who spoke it though as that H is stuck in his pattern. H will keep repeating that and as he has traded down with OW, she will eventually end up in bits. Which of itself will be demonstrating H prowess in the narc area of existence.
Please dearest Gg ensure you rest a little.
I opened another packet of liquorice tea today. 1pound off this week, not as much as I wanted but the last few days have been disastrous for exercise and diet. Still tomorrow is another day.
V
I don't know why I couldn't really settle. Happens a lot these days, I think it's almost like a habbit I'm in.
Seems the harder we push put to the universe the harder it pushes back at times. New tyres, split the side on one last night. The car drama will be sorted out properly at next service, but atm they have done a large hammer repair.
lol
Just ran hard today and with tyre drama, didn't make it to work on time so lost an hour.
In the upside car will be in shop Friday, so will chase up other work for that time.
Like gb said or was it mighty it feels like wet mud just clinging and holding you down.
Work was cool, testcile dude came in, was joking round. Nice bloke, now he seems to have gotten his humor back. I was choice to serve him
his choice.
He seems geinine nice, not hurting his case that he's been work besties bestie for 30years. If that makes sense.
Bin working the crowd a lot too, gives me energy, but come end of the day I'm emotionally stuffed. I still have to push down those feelings of fear when talking to total strangers.
I'm getting better at spotting people's reactions often being able to smooth things over more easily. Which is helping.
Days like today to come home and vent a little would be nice, but I wasn't allowed to do that with h, So I'm not sure why I even miss h at all.
Sigh so I'm just as mixed up at times as ever really.
Ok so one of my confidence inspiring customers came in today.
I was doing a job on the shop floor, he wanders past, and the job is referred to as stripping.
So the question always gets asked well so what are you doing, Yatter yatter?
Gg well stripping, it a really fun change of pace.
Dude stops stands pretends to hover then say well I'm wondering if I need $ from the atm, for the "stripper"
Gg well just throw $50's
Dude, well um no, I can only afford fivers!
Much gaffing and laughing.
Dude then flounces back past and does the whole bottom pats " oooooh beeeehave" spy who shagged me style. As he passed by.
Man I nearly fainted! Been far toooooooooo long.
Confidence peaked 1,000,000,000,000%
You know the best bit of all that?
That dude while a joker reacts and give me a bone or a + because I give out stuff. I created that. Me.... Little ole me.
So old dog beeeeehave consider your cute bottom patted
Ok so jim edzs and nilla too!
Get out and create stuff.
Excellent stuff Gg, good on you.
Gg
you are an inspiration and I am certainly going to go out and create stuff. Am going to Ceroc my life away.
V
Well it is possible to floor a s17!
I decided to use a blast from the past, a statement I used to used with him when he was small.
Omg was almost the reply.
Then I reminded him we are all, human and don't often do the things we would like.
2 for 2. Instant replies from s17.
I think he's shifting by little bits, so a big shift from me
We shall see, we shall see.
Goal I'm working to is getting him to visit or have dinner out with me. There is no end date on that goal. It will simply take as long as it takes. N
Gg
He is 17 so there may be a long wait.
Hey. I hear hooves......
Must be unicorn
V
Well he texted over night asking about lost horsey!
Wow wow wow, that's a big step.
Rhc came in last night and he was with his kids, so he was pleasent. I think the ego has let that go tbh. Not sure it's worth the hassle.
Oh now officially 2 work stalkers. One I knew was which has been refeared to as the creepy stalker. This one.... Came in and made a backhanded jackel critism/compliment.
Then tryed to be swarmy nice to be your bestest friend in the whole wide world. Blerk blerk blerk
My biatch (one of the hounds was having an off day yesterday and was sick. I was a bit worried as she is tough and doesn't do sick and sookin.
Event on Sunday with fairy God mother and a couple of babies leave home. Mare goes as well, very busy weekend for me.
I'm wishing for a sleep in .
might be a long shot
S17 surprises Gg.
Must be in that air. Rest dear heart rest.
V
Need a sleep in its stupid o'clock. Work that time out edzs.
Um see you guys around lunch! Kick arse heels win, for a change.
Seem I went on a date with a Fixer.
Omg it was sureal. Seems I have a pet name already. Rolls eyes.
Omg it's weird, x is a fixer or so he professes to be. Several times I was biting my tounge ms I knowletmefxitforyou has broken off with mr edz fixman.
Screams edzs you promised me they went to a bondge retreated never to return and were under lock and key.
I got checked up on about getting home and texted this am!
Giggle See edzs I'm not old, he's a boy in comprison.
Slaps everyone into place.... Down boys!
S17 is still texting back, omg
Had to have a wee nappie poo today, to catch up.
Well they got together gg there was never going to be much we could do to hold em in
That time is about 2:56am you devil dirty rotten stop up
You didn't make curfew?
I am very very shocked indeed.
V
I'm a grown adult nilla! Who prolly should know bettera, but what the hell.
Great day out today need to rattle the bushes to see what a happening for a dinner date.
Had one huge wobble at event one of h cars was there. It could however have been sold. But a little panic attack and anxiety kicked in.
The antidote was to think about Friday and x!
Gg
glad H was not there! I suppose you will run into H one day?
If it makes you anxious what will you do?
V
Well I have faced him before, but they were planned things mediation, funeral.
The accidental meeting will depend on circumstances. I think ignore and walk will do.
Toying with introducing me self to ow in a snarky way, but that's only a in my head moment.
I think the whole attitude h mother took of pretending I never met them works well, tbh.
It didn't last long th anxiety either.
Had a good time at the pub. F61 she and I laughed till we cryed. It was awesome like being 18yo, she was with her new bf all, weekend.
I got a text from x saying have fun, as I invited him and he could not come. Omg h would never do that, he was paranoid at times. Either nothing or abuse after. Swoon.
I am glad about this Gg.
Two days without H, peaceful and I am sooooo glad. Watched Liam, read, went dancing and ate what I wanted. Worked exercised and felt free, really truly free as a bird. Singing, dancing and sleeping. Posted and enjoyed myself without being emotionally battered.
relief from boundary enforcement which is tiring.
And listen to many TED talks.
Gg, such release from tension and drama.
V
It's is right?
I so know where your coming from nilla, ts very tough road.
Wel x is still being cute, so life is good. However I wobbled and sort of had a r talk with him.
It's was along the lines of keeping private stuff private so not really a r talk. I just don't want s17 to hear along the grape vine about his mum dating, that's not nice.
It ws all good, tbh he seems to understand that stuff and unlike h is like ok you need x that's ok.
H was like nope, why, can't be bothered and a Million other excuses.
You said on my thread that you were worried H was coming back as things had not worked out with OW.
Can you explain a little Gg?
V
Just wanted to say hi gg been a bit caught up in my whirlwind this last week. Sounds like things are looking pretty good right now, I'm exceptionally happy for you sending positive vibes that it continues the way you want. Sounds like 'x' (how mysterious is he one of the x men!?
) respects your boundaries so far and will put in the effort to make you happy long may that continue
Looks like x, gunna have to thinks some thing better I guess than that, is have a case of the wobbles.
Hates job, hates this hates that blah blah, mmmmm looking emtionally driven.
Sigh, Random guess is words of affirmation ll? Perhaps?
Just bit of text conversations back and forth.
His r came to planned end just before Christmas, she left he knew she was going so I'm thinking he's a bit up and down due to needing to deal with some stuff.
Not gunna marry the dude. Casual flirty fun and bit of naughty all good!
Wanders of whistling casual like
He has said no catching up till weekend.
it's been a long time drought, it's hard to apply a hand brake. Got work with him Friday, omg that won't be easy to keep stuff hidden to a degree.
S17 hates me again, no text replies from him, but then I did ask him to fill one thing he promised so I wasn't suprised on that score.
Gg
Thank you for your help and support over the last few days. I could be in a poor position now and thanks because I am stronger.
It helps to share about abuse, it makes it more open.
V
You said on my thread that you were worried H was coming back as things had not worked out with OW.
Can you explain a little Gg?
V
No, I doubt his affair is over. H stated a few times, he will be coming back. He was coming back.
He beating the bushes for info re gg, from nosey neighbour I suspect. He wants to see gg is still where h left her.
We all know that's not true.
After last weeks coffee it's looking far less likely I will ever be in the space for h to come back, I'm just not sure I can deal with his crapola.
It's far too emotionally draining, it's just too much work, and really I don't get my needs met. H wants to push back boundaries in my end and in his end there is only bounderies and punishments for me.
Even if x is only ever this last week of a couple of coffees and a few flirty texts, that's ok.
He really nice, a gentle bloke who's very genuine and caring.
I have really lept forward, mentally.
Rhc came in yesterday, he's looking better too! Think he's finaljy a making progress and it's very pleasing to see. I think the whole building me up by the whole banter and stuff with him has helped him no end.
Oh the testicle dude came in and now there is this whole game I make him blush and boy is that easy! He's doing well too, seems to have lept forward as well in the few weeks since the whole wedding party.
Again I'm pleased he's a nice bloke delt a bad hand. (Bi polar x) I think playing a few light flirty games with him has given his confidence a huge boost.
S17 stil, quiet, world is normal again.
The babies from last years crop of foals left yesterday as well.
These last few weeks seem to be very long, or at least feel long with plenty happening.
So if I understand you. H says he is coming back?
He said that before he left?
He still thinks he has control of Gg? Did you ever agree with him?
V
Yeah, he says he's coming back.
Done it on when I started legal stettlement proceedings.
Yes, he thinks he's in control. No we know he's not.
Yes he thinks he can tell me what to and I will regardless of if is best for me.
When starting off, to keep if very friendly db style he thought that meant I would tolerate ow and his being with her wasn't going to affect our friendship/r.
Pre db at bd.
He expected to tell me he shared all our r private details with her and he would not discuss anything to do with his a, how long etc. Just basic stuff. I did not want intimate details. In fact he stated it didn't happen after accidentally confessing.
Oh wel, today is Wednesday, and I have a Long week. Sigh.. Hump day with no hump. Lol seems fairy god mother has spread a coffee rumor about x, so been fending off fishing explications from those who think they should know.
All for nice reasons to cheer you on, but I still need privacy for s17, I want to be able to be the one to tell him it things get that far untill then it's none of any one else's bees wax!
I sincerely hope that you really will no longer need to face that prospect.
You deserve so much better in your life Gg.
(((((Gg)))))
Thank you for being Gg.
V
Well today is Friday, normally adventure day for Gg!
V
Indeed off and about with her very own x-man!
Well look at you. I'm away for a few days and look what happens
Seems like a good attitude about x. Nothing has to come if it but if your happy and respecting yourself then enjoy what there is without pressure or expectations. Go Gg
Need a better name than x though.
BRD = boss recommended date
Ok so brd talk was for more than just one date. Been casual flirty type texts, well friendly.
Friday nothing, but I worked same as last week. Did have to work today. No offer of anything.
I worked with him yesterday and he seemed to be keen, a few casual touches offered to drive me back but should I push contact?
Leave it?
Arrrrrrrhhhhh either moving towards something or it's a wash out eithers fine.
Do you expect the bloke to do all the asking these days?
So not sure!
Arrrrrrrhhhhh.
Well stuck me neck out and due to circumstances no catch up.
We shall see what the morrow brings. Eye on the end prize right guys!
Some flrty text, seems warm enough.
The truth always so comes out, right?
Hi Gg.
Stuck your neck out?
Warm texting is good as long as there is no pressure/expectation on it.
I certainly can't speak for any bloke that isn't me but as I've said before the cultural expectation is that guys make all the moves and do all the asking (and its basically not fair but it is what it is) But that means at the blokes pace and comfort levels for progress and that has to balanced against not wanting to seem too keen.
Well stuck me neck out meant I pushed the contact.
Basically made an offer but kind of knew it wouldn't be taken up on. Said as much also said no is ok. Which I'm a grown up and can cope with, which is true.
I've pushed a bit now if it falls down well who cares?
Had a couple of stiff drinks and now not sleeping. Few hours of broken rubbish sleep and up at nearly 5am. Thought I might come here and check fb. Then try again.
Was supposed to be something today, but crickets!
Stfu, next, actions speak. Setting it down and chaining up ms fixit!
Afternoon Gg
I've seen you pop up in other posts but not much on your thread, thought I'd pop by and see how you're doing.
Had to lock up my Mr Fixit this week, w had mentioned about her lack of music (well hassle of having to play cd's instead of it being on tap).
I'll build her a music server, wont take a day shouted mr F, I beat him severely with a keyboard until he quietened down
Was supposed to be something today, but crickets!
Stfu, next, actions speak. Setting it down and chaining up ms fixit!
Had to lock up my Mr Fixit this week, w had mentioned about her lack of music (well hassle of having to play cd's instead of it being on tap).
I'll build her a music server, wont take a day shouted mr F, I beat him severely with a keyboard until he quietened down
Gg, I do not have a fixit, why do I lack a fixit? I am very worried that I am short of a fixit, my life is depleted without one.
What is wrong with Nilla that she lacks a fixit? Edz has one, Jim has one and Gg definitely has one. Their fixits are occasionally kept in a box and sometimes come out to play. Fixits seem to impart a positive attitude to life. I want one. Can I borrow yours?
Where can I buy one, can one be donated to me, is it that fixit is hidden somewhere?
Where is my fixit? It must have run away and hid from me, must find it.
I think a fixit would come in useful in my tool box.
Gg, I just love your attitude and life force.
My special DB friend with her fixit
V
Hi V
you can have mine for a bit he's generally great for work but a pain in the wotsit for relationships!
Hi V
you can have mine for a bit he's generally great for work but a pain in the wotsit for relationships!
I already have a part share in BFT!
It is very generous to offer me Fixit as well.
V
Just don't let him near anything with a microchip for your own sakes. Next thing you know your fridge will be following you down the hall!
Bft asleep on my foot on the sofa ATM, she's a little grumpy as I've denied duvet access since I changed the bedding this morning!
Ha ha ha kiddies.
Well brd has not been in touch, didn't answer anything Sunday. Came into work last night all normal. I was a tad akward but nothing since and I've just left it.
He hasn't taken up any offers to catch up, not sure why?
Hasn't initated contact even last week, so it's in the pile of non pursit. Maybe tomorrow I will send a joke which I have which should get a laugh.
Guess it's a he's not interested or I blew it. Meeeeh.
Or he blew it.
You're a catch, Ggrass, don't believe any different.
A very different sort of catch to what most believe.
I get plenty of attentions at work flirty and friendly as well. I just wish I had company at home at times. Tis all, not every min of the day, but sometimes.
Some dinners or even normal hanging out at home. Sigh.
You know what I sent the joke today. Who cares? These things aren't broken or decided on one decision or interaction.
Then came some conversation by text. Then later after work when I reply nothing.
So the pattern is text and talk when there is no chance of catch up, then when the pressure might be on, he's out.
So possible reasons all add up to not that interested, or in no rush. Seems odd to me, most guys would want to be out on there weekend getting to know the prospective new gf right? Rather than give her time to see another?
We shall see what this weekend brings, if it's what I'm expecting then he's history. Smelling like plan b to me, and I ve been there once. Blerk
Morning Gg
Could just be scared I dont know the history maybe worried about falling for someone too fast? Having said that you need to know you're important and starting off with having to help fix previous issues may not be where you want to be either.
As you say see how it goes and how you feel matey
He's only been med/short term r. No marriage, gf decided to leave last year and return overseas. Just before christmas.
So about 2 months post break up. He did however move interstate because of her, so I suspect quite attached and serrious for him.
It's funny almost feeling like an ow! Lol
when there isn't one.
Unless he's got plan a and then gg is plan b?
Hence he's not contacting and only responding at certain times?
Too much rumination for a new casual r. Been doing what fgm says and keeping the water up to the other seeds! Lol so who knows where things end or what might happen.
Let's just sprinkle round some water and see what grows.
And brd seems to be drinking, mmmmmm xh1 was a drinker.
Stbx was a mild drinker but when I worked later he could have been drinking more than I knew. I often wasn't there In the afternoon and evenings.
So thrown my hands up at brd, as today seemed a bit all over was fine first thing then later didn't want to know me. Not sure what I did sooooooo meh, combine that with drinking, not contacting or stepping up.
Seems one of the bosses at my main work is single and cute, new one whom arrived recently. I had been looking but went shame it's partnered. Seems gg was wrong again. Work bestie kept it under her hat well that one
Well, been a big weekend.
Made some decisions, I will not ask anyone out again! Seriously it doesn't end well.
For now they can ask me, they can do some basic leg work. Bascially I will, say yes to anyone who asks, as being out gal is better with anyone than home alone. Who knows I might end up with a few more friends.
I'm tired, have stacks to do like driveway repairs, loads of rocks and gavel by hand onto the ute. Dating can go hang.
Going to meet interstate bestie next weekend. Got plans for a few weeks in advance. got motivated by this weekends guests. Back in my "fill the rubbish bin" quest to clean up the clutter round the joint.
Did baked lamb for guests, not the lambie. Had a good time. Realised since s17 had left I've been slacking in a few things. His room is now useable as a guest room. Shoved all his crapola in the cupboards, threw out the rug he insisted on having which was rubbish and made the room ok for someone else to sleep in.
Bin will go tomorrow completely full. Big thumbs up. Achieved so much today with my guest things that I need help with and put off, not hard things but much easier with help.
Now now, Gg. Never say never! Maybe it just wasn't to be? Or not enough time? Surely this whole situation has taught you that you can't predict the future!
Yeah, I know but it feels like I do all the work.
My list of requirement is they do some.
Work besties bestie came in, he's funny and does treat me like wb. Which is nice to be treated like a normal human. We have farm stuff in common so it's like talking to a gf.
The plan is water all the seeds that are out there treat people well and as friends eventually something will come my way.
Perhaps I'm pushing to much impatience, without meaning to. The thing is double standards with bloke and women just annoys me. Blokes are expected to pick up without feeling without strings, but women are frowned on.
I just want some icing not long term per say but just occasionally would be ok!
I need a break from the frustration. Brd is all over the shop not just with me, so I wasn't taking it personal, now even less so.
Sides any one of the dudes I have an eye on would be ok. Bit tough to have a choice, first time in recorded history.
Glad your making progress on sorting stuff out and getting the house suitable for visitors is always a good plan. I need to follow that example especially as I think my stuff is far more straightforward.
So BRD not that great then? If your seeing issues already then thats not the best sign, but try not to project you H's flaws. Doubt that's what your doing but still...
Hiya Gg
just playing catch up here as the weekend was(as you will see in my thread) a busy one. You sound like you're feeling a little disheartened there don't be. BRD may or may not be someone you want to spend time with but leave him be for now, may well be he comes back toward you more or not but as I hope you let me point out (as my mr Fixit can be a rampaging monster) neither you or I seem to be the sort who would find it best to start off with a partner with issues that potentially need fixing in a new relationship, only you know for sure though, use your gut feeling.
For now looks like taking a break is a good plan but dont take it as a negative, may well find a new opportunity presents itself. Go with the flow you're much better at that then me
As to the work good on you, sounds like that was a hell of a job and hell of a workout as well, m&m's may even be called for as a treat! All for a decorative refresh inside as well, nothing like changing up what you see every day to get a fresh perspective.
Take it easy Gg, remember how fab you are!
Cheers
Edz
That's not projecting on brd, he's bought quiet a lot of alcahol this week. Actions.
He been hot and cold with texting, no more dates. Just one.
Today well seems xh1 who refused to answer text about s17, has been prepping s17 to get welfare. Hence s17 phoned today, suprise.
That nice lull was softening up for more demands for money, but I'm not sure he will receive much. Given I have nasty text from him. Again today lots of swearing and carrying on about how bad I am. How I don't understand how tough it is to get work. Um let's see a couple of years ago I found myself again searching for work, at 42 I know how hard it is.
Can't wait till he reaches that magic age where he knows what the rest of us do, not everything!
Been a bit low, and had a little eye leak at work on lunch. I'm tired of being tired and it not being my time. I'm tired of not much going my way....
And it was a very lonely pity party! Just kicked myself and went hard this arvo. Cute dude came in but really didn't have time to talk. Also didn't feel like it, it was an effort.
Hence I do think giving things a break and waiting for stuff to come my way rather than pushing is needed right now.
Hi Gg
I know you have it all in hand but just wanted to say (((((Gg)))))
Take it easy ok?
It didn't feel like it today!
I felt like I had a huge back slide, teary at work that shouldn't happen. Not any more.
I'm finding I want to fix stuff, I want to do some thing, what I have no friggen idea.
Wish I could let that go, that feeling of dread and not being able to change stuff. Not being able to, not having any choices!
I feel like I'm loosing a war, one I could never win.
I know it's all about perspective.
Hi Gg
I dont think there is a not any more in any of this you know, not unless you dont have emotions, certainly I *should* be feeling great right now but Im not Im preoccupied on s feeling so down (which is understandable) but also concerned on w and her reactions. Or I was, did some exercises this morning to refocus myself and felt better after that.
There are only so many things we can affect or change or make perceived changes to my friend, perception and perspective are big parts of that (mindfullness) Im a devil for the "glass half empty" view and it comes of having depression its very,very easy to see that the day is full of negatives its hanging onto the positives thats the real trick.
Seems from here you need a boost, I wont GAL you (
) as i'd be the biggest hypocritical hypocrite that ever hypocrited but what options do you have for a change of scenery or something you can really feel in control of right now?
Sounds like the same old same old is grinding you down a bit
Hang in there!
(((((Gg)))))
Its ok to be got down by all this because its something that will bring you down. If it didnt then to be honest thats just a bit odd
Did you say you were going out of state to see interstate bestie? If not then maybe you should think about as the change of scenary would be good (Plus cna you imagine the gossip if it happens to coincide with cute dude or someone else being away for the weekend)
It feels like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself in an already pressured time.
What would you like to do?
It was a busy weekend last weekend, this weekend same. Trip to the big smoke, yes interstate bestie is meeting me.
And soooooo another spew from child by text. All abusive how I make him angry tryed to be validating and pointed out perhaps wrongly that no one makes him mad or angry but him.
And he could choose to use his anger to fix what makes him a angry. He's choosing to hear me call him a failure where I told him to just go an do what he needs to do. Sigh perhaps I'm just not good with interpersonal stuff and should become a hermit.
I tryed to say he has the tools be as successful as he wants..... Hmmm funny seems like xh1 pathetic lack of skills lack of success is rubbing off.
Hi Gg
Well the weekend sounds good, hope its for something enjoyable (and possibly mildly gossip inducing for you
) - remember to be seen leaving in the heels for maximum chattingness
As for s, yes yes and yes. As I said when you popped by my thread children and teenagers (and some young adults) know everything, see everything, are impacted by nothing and only have bad luck they are also immortal. We adults know nothing, understand nothing and are the architects of all their misfortune. Thus it has ever been and I completely expect to experience it all in another, well, I'd say 3 years but at the rate s is "growing up" more like 6 months!
You're right but I imagine he'll need to find it out and integrate it into his mind himself, whatever parents say tend to ping off at that age, certainly did with me I know!
Take it easy matey
Can't sleep! ;( it seems a re run of last year political dinner will be in order.
Promised I would go if a couple of besties pollie mates go.
Working on ways to make it happen.
Even planning what to wear, 4 inch heels will mean no walking period! I cannot walk far at all in spike heels.
Social calendar looks like it's filling fast! Lol
And today the child is super nice!
Funny wants to come see his dog which he hasn't spent one min with since 31dec. Oh yeah and while I'm visiting while, your not home mum, I want my id to get welfare.
Really, rolls eyes.
Thinks I was Born yesterday. Sigh it is what it is.
I have been distract Gg and my posting on your thread has been very limited.
S17 seems hell bent on acting like a teenager, deliberately misconstruing. He understands well enough and Gg you communicate really great so no issues there.
So what kind of heels then Gg?
V
For this weekends big trip I packed all the heels.
Wear red to start, always a good way to start. Scales say I've gained weight again kilos of the stuff. Clothes still fit so not overly worried. Think due to work at a pyscially more demanding job is helping to gain some muscles back.
Need a new thread before I go. Some of the gossipy locals will be at the show and so who cares gives them something to talk about.
Had a couple of bits of irritation really. Seems I got a talking to for repeating exactly what some one said as they Said it and the words chinesed whispered about and come back.
Funny really, then got told off slightly for saying I wasn't at work to pick up other slack and make them look awesome, my point it and was I wil, say it and will say it those concerned and to their face rather then be backstabbing pa!
Did state if they didn't have work and wanted me to find an alternative second job then I would no problem no drama. Think the brd is a bit of listen to and play into drama.
I stood up in a nice but in my way very blunt fashion (the way in which h always said was wrong) for myself. I refused to be told otherwise when I know what I said. I wasnt rude or angry which used to be a problem, when I got very worked up.
I have always tended to be calmer, but far more able to present my side and not care too much. A big plus and change. Before I would choose calm and not put my side thus back down and causing resentment.
Ssooooooooo lock my beauty