Old thread about to lock.
My threads to date
Let's see what happens next...
Well that time of the week again, goodness me, new thread day.
Did try to run through the events yesterday before bed but I was having issues staying awake so it wasn't the most understandable post ever!
Anyway start of a new day here will be getting out of bed and doing the exercises, showering and getting breakfast on in a minute or two. I have no plans to contact w today unless she contacts me. I know s is here tonight as I checked in advance. Looks like hes meeting a friend of his for ice skating tomorrow so w asked can we meet for handover there, no Biggie's with that. Suggested s and I may get brunch beforehand and she is welcome to join us but shouldn't think she has to, nothing on that invite so nothing from me chasing, of course nothing on finances.
I believe w is painting the apt today as she was last night, she didn't want to but mil rang and told her flooring guys are coming today and can she get it done in advance, she of course agreed. Her call I just said ok when she told me its her decision I'm not validating or arguing with her on mil anymore even if we did r which seems less likely right now I must admit.
Found I really missed her last night, dont know if I was just really tired and getting emotional but I just felt so much like asking her is this really what you want are you just afraid to tell me you're totally done or are you considering the future. Of course I didn't do anything to ask, I just got the day wound up tucked s in and kissed him on the head and crashed out myself.
Time will tell what awaits me I suppose.
Meantime today will,as always, be a busy one. Shortly the exercise and shower as mentioned. Making s a croque Monsieur for breakfast feed bft (to what I'm not yet sure
) we have to take a sample of the fish tank water to the shop for testing and if ok pick a new fishie and I'm trying to get s some new swimming trunks. Then chicken enchiladas for dinner.
Busy so I'd best get out of this comfy,comfy duvet I imagine
Catch you guys about
Have a good day Edz - two large slabs of coffee and walnut cake should be arriving by motorcycle courier around 4pm today - okay?
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm
I'll be waiting cake fork in hand
Hey where's my cake....?
Looks like you are getting into a good habit with those exercises. I need some an wok I think.
Mr fix it seems to have given Mr Iwantanswers a hefty prod to get busy so you might need to find a nice board game to keep them both occupied.
Hope you have a good day with S.
Oh and if you don't already try your croquet Monsieur with some sweet American mustard.
Hi Jim yup good habits did my 35 this morning before the shower, even got s to do 2 although that was all he'd do before he said his leg hurt and returned to sonic all stars!
Croque Monsieur was for s I had breakfast today as I wanted to sit and eat with s but eggs bacon and sausage no bread low carbs. No idea if this will get me fitter but its healthier so much more so than I was. Just waiting on s getting dressed then its off to the pet shop to see about this fish
Hey edzs
You do know that work besties hubby has given him self a title on my dating quest.
It's his job to "fork" all prospective romantic applicants and make sure they are real and genuine.
Cake fork in hand edzs? Lol
Ms imadeanimpression did good today, some things to work on tho.
All aboard express lift, tone being lowered
Love croque.
Cheeeeeese........
V
I'll ask the courier to bring one to you when my cake arrives from toots v
No sign of it yet Edz? It's gone four now. Keep listening out for the sound of that bike....
Puss in boots face.....no...cake?????
I think maybe that darn courier ate it.
Only if it was cheesecake otherwise the mooooose stole it at gunpoint.
V
No......cake....... (Weeps inconsolably) I am full of cheesey enchiladas though so thats something but no......cake...... ;(
Twas definitely cheesey and yummy, made with mature chedder.
S decided he hated his by eating everything on the plate.
And the BFT? I trust there was a morsel for BFT.
V
We had the best mud cake ever at the party.
I might have had 3 bits. Looks around shifty.
I know 3 bits not good for hips, but makes. Good stuffing for saddle bags, which won't help the diet.
Well good morning all
No posts last night nothing major going on I'm afraid to say, just a really busy one with s and we were playing sonic until 9. Anyway making breakfast right now, Sunday taking a break from the trunk rolls but no breakfast for me just coffee lots of carbs yesterday.
W got into a text then hide mood yesterday. Sent me a flurry of emails including s info on his scating today, she did end with a if you want to watch him scate you dont need to rush off. Not reading a lot into that, S's friends mum will undoubtedly be there so dont think there'll be much opportunity to talk, nice to watch s though. Did think about having a go but won't not because of mr grumpy the old me simply then its not about s and his friend having fun, be mostly about mad daddy falling over....a lot.
Anyway touch sad on the whole m thing today, starting to feel like the end at the moment. Know all this stuff turns on a dime and maybe seeing w will recharge my hope well see I imagine.
Anyway must chase up s will post later.
Mud cake eh gg? Oh the places that conversation could go if I was the kind to lower the tone:)
Oh v bft always gets something she's a master creepybeggar ppppplease give me your yummy I will starve otherwise...yes, I know I look like a moomin but I will honest.
White chocolate mouse for dessert tonight out. It was good.
Excellent, extraordinary good thing I didn't have lunch. I am going to have to take up some exercise. Might have to mow the lawn to work of the mouse!
BFT would have loved the mouse Gg
So would I.....
V
Ha.
Evening guys
lots and lots going on today. Took s skating as mentioned, lots and lots of positive stuff going on there. Huge shock from w's friend who couldnt believe weight loss (before w turned up so nothing in respects to w bug good for pma). Lots of time with s including helping him when he took a tumble and needed some confidence building.
Afterward the weather here has been atrocious all day (joys of coastal weather) so w and friend called off the trip into town. S, W and I ended up going for lunch/dinner was great but w seemed a little distant at times as if she was tuning in and out. Anyway afterward took them back to the flat and w asked did I want to come in and see s's new room, she understands if I dont. Thought that would be churlish so went in and yes, its very nice, w has put in a lot of work and told her so.
Stayed for a coffee but w was becoming a little edge and s was starting to get unsettled. W wanted to have a bath and get on with the evening but it was clear I was holding things up. Made my excuses s didnt want me to go but hugged him and made a hasty exit before I started to lose my composure.
Sent a quick email this evening saying thanks for a great day with them and that she seemed to be tired so I went before I settled into the lounge myself. Few other bits we had been talking about but still nothing game changing.
Think I need some downtime on it all for a couple of days as its starting to get to me a bit, if Im not about as much that'll be why although I imagine I'll be on here first thing tomorrow as always
Take it easy all.
Hi Edz. Seems like spending time together can't be bad I know it's not as you would like but it's giving her a chance to see your changes and accept they are real.
Chin up mate , sounds like a great time with S.
Take care. Rd
Hi Edz
Sounds pretty positive with your W today. Good to spend a bit of time all together. And you kept up your PMA etc, which was great. Sounds as though the sitch in general may be wearing you down a little - which it does all of us - only human. So, we won't worry too much about you if we don't hear from you for a day or two.
But, know that we are always here if you need us Edz. And maybe have a think - if you're feeling a bit worn down - then regardless of what your W is up to - is there anything you'd like to plan/do to bring more happiness into your life? Maybe a new GAL plan or similar?
T (((Edz))))
Sounds like turning cogs.
Or maybe just a mood. It's not as easy for them as they make out either.
Your doing well.
Hi all
Thanks, and thanks for the hug toots. My official answer is..dunno..
I still feel detached, ok, its just not knowing am I hanging on for something I can't have really. If w doesn't want me at all then why keep wanting to spend time, some of it is me inviting her, fair enough, some is for s also fair enough but this afternoon was like the best times we went out as the three of us...
Leaves me confused and wondering does she want this and that question never gets anything from w and ends in my answer at the top... Dunno
Also leaves me a confused bear.
Thanks though it helps to hear you guys saying I'm doing something right. We'll see I suppose. Some nights just gets a little introspective tonight was that. I'll try to get back to normal service tomorrow.
Gal, toots, mmmm gym attempt 3 this week. Haircut (always helps my PMA strangely)
Hopefully some days off this week may do some new stuff if money works out, hopefully have s thu Fri to mix things up a bit. We'll see..
Edz
Who knows why WAW do the things they do and say the things they say?
It just is impossible to get in their heads. Stop trying and just carry on becoming Edz. Do this for Edz.
(((((((Edz))))))))
V
Morning all
busy one again so far, wfh as landlord coming around to sign off on repair works, back in the office tomorrow.
Upped the game to 40 reps on the exercises this morning, hurt less so either ive killed all the nerves in the area (possible) or they're rebelling less. Still ouch!
Nothing from w since yesterday, again not really expecting that much between her H.E. timetable (I resist reminding her she sets this timetable and can change it so she and s are exactly as busy as she wants them to be) and post weekend radio silence its all pretty much situation normal.
Have to tax the car online today so hope that doesnt pose any issues (had to wait for payday to afford it so lets hope the online systems all still match up post move or it'll be the post office tomorrow).
So from yesterday, bits I didnt post about. We got into the same discussion briefly (w wont talk when s is about, w is almost always with s unless I have him hence our main talking is on the phone when he's here, a mad situation really).
W briefly called me a bit standoffish when we were out with s at the rink and w's friend briefly went away. Said no, of course not just respecting her space and I thought she was chatting with friend. I'm happy to be more involved with her and friend and then was for the rest of the event (apart from running over to correct laces, boots and help out with s when he went a-flying on the ice!)
Later after the skating and lunch w was having a quick chat and follow up email while s wasnt about and after I came home, I managed to hold PMA, just confirmed and stood on the same status. No I do not want this (sep/div) I equally respect her decisions and understand how we got here (I did not go into details or start accepting blame, nor did I blame her). I respect her opinions and decisions and I am getting on with things, that I want s and both of us to be happy going forward and I would prefer to work on our marriage and put in the work. W never opens up at these points though, she seems to be ready to start talking but once she doesnt get me saying im done im off she stops, I just move on with the conversation though and try to remain PMA prodding at her for her thoughts or feelings on moving forward is not going to do any good, she'll tell me when she's ready or I will stop waiting, only she knows how long its going to be before she's ready to talk, I have to accept maybe never I suppose. Its that that slams me sometimes.
Im ok(ish) in my own little environment, I have my flywheel going of work, house stuff, GAL, some fun and time with s and the momentum keeps me moving forward. Just after days as close to being together as a family was yesterday I do wonder what she wants.
Thing is still a factor of course, nothing I've seen on it, of course w doesnt know I know anything about it so she wont raise it and I cant talk to anyone so just have to put that it in the non-constructive pile and put in my file this away for now box.
So, yes, monday.... carrying on carrying on.
Hi edz,
Sounds like she is testing you to me, not consciously I think, but still testing. To what end couldn't say but the way you describe her behaviour sounds like the sort of thing you'd get when people are internally in that 'does not compute' frame of mind.
Like she struggles to believe that you still want her back or that she wants to check your changes are real and you get it. I don't know but that's how it reads to me.
If it is that then you need to keep doing what your doing, no prodding and good PMA. And no expectations (I know you know but still worth saying)
I guess it must be wearing on you as if it feels just out of reach than can be more agonising than big gulf, a bit like finishing second rather than mid table. So your GAL activities might be all the more necessary for a bit
Yes Edz, it sounds to me like she's very much processing things. She cares enough to raise it with you if she feels you've been stand offish, and she's also willing to have discussions about going forwards.
However, at this point, she doesn't sound at the point of saying - yes let's try again or no there's no hope.
I think it's well worth continuing. If your W just thinks you were standoffish, is it worth doing a little something helpful for her this week? And just monitor how that goes? Nothing huge - but 'oh I saw this and know you needed one' or similar?
I agree with Jim that your sitch sounds a little tantalising in that you and your W have remained on pretty good terms and spend time together. This is good for the sitch, but more testing in terms of PMA, detachment etc. That's maybe something to think about in terms of your own energy.
Hope you have a good day. Black skies here....I think the hail may be heading our way!
Hi Toots
Thats kind of where I think she is but I warn myself about opening that door as its very, very hard to keep expectations at bay and I cant afford to get myself optimistic and be slammed down again. Ultimately yes, it feels like she's not ready to make a decision one way or the other, whether thats because of practicalities, being seen as "the bad guy" to s (which she's said she is deeply concerned about) or because she is undecided about whether she truly could try again I simply dont know and I accept I dont know for my own sanity.
Standoffish was, I think, talking about the way I was being aside (not physically but behaviourally) with her and her friend at the ice rink. I had actually been chatting with her friend as I got there 20 minutes or so before w when w arrived I backed out of the conversation so they could chat and interacted more with s and his friend.
It does (seem) to say something that w hasnt just considered me not worth the effort though I agree, even allowing for her just wanting to have more time with s and us together for his benefit and the fact I have in conversation said sometimes it will be nice for all of us to be together and it doesnt necessarilly signal anything (reducing the feeling of it being pursuit or me reading things that arent there) she does seem to want to pull me back from time to time.
Im sure she'd deny it if pushed though, I of course have no intention of doing so.
Hmm, something nice. Will think on that, a little tricky without appearing like its pursuit though, I know there are things she wants to do in the flat but I'd rather stay out of those, they are her making her life without me and I'd rather not appear to support it, I need to think of something apart from yesterdays lunch, that is just for her/s as a nice gesture. Mmmmm, thinking required.
The hail has indeed passed so get somewhere with a good roof if its coming up to you it was very heavy hail and looked like the bottom of my sons fishtank outside for a while! Hopefully it will 'just' be rain by the time you get it
Thanks Toots
Well both beds changed with clean sheets, washing done and drying, bft fed and her litter changed (uggh!) Bins done, dinner made and munched, dishes done and chilling out time.
Car tax sorted today first time I won't need to show a tax disc since I started driving, odd!
Confirmed my leave booking so off 2 days this week and 2 next so 6 days off from Thursday.
Sent a very, very brief email to w just confirming those to see which days I can have s. Not heard from her today not really expecting to tbh.
So just chilling tonight. Swimming tomorrow night.
Bit of an ermmmmm now what evening..
I trust the Er hem involved Edz time and batteries renewed.
V
Morning all
V I had to read that twice (not had an opportunity for coffee yet) er hem time, batteries what kind of person do you think I am....although...nahhh.
Just chilled out read my book(s) (started another one) music and a bit of tv before a bath and bed, nothing to set the world aflame.
As I said I emailed w confirming my leave days she seems to be back in clipped email mode again for some reason, sigh, "let me know what you want you could have thu/fri".
Considered mirroring and just saying "fine" but I dont want to be that person (Im also starting to think everything w does is a test!). Gave her some time on it in case she came back but no, so went back saying "so thursday then?" "means you get him at the weekend for a bit more of a mix up" (I know she's been upset at only having him in the week for a while so this seems a good opportunity) "tell me more details on pickup/dropoff if so" "give me a shout".
Got a very short reply "can you pick him up about 10 thu".
Again paused after initially thinking just send "ok" but no sent "okey doke, back friday or sat morn whats best for the school stuff" and again short reply "can we see nearer the time".
But then 40 minutes later she was sending me a jokey email about the book (I bought her a physical novel a few weeks back, Id got her a kindle a few years back and a paper white for our anniversary in june before she left in july but she misses hardback books) being heavy and breaking her wrist.
So, yes, confusing again. Sort of movement on thing but still nothing I can go into and all dated before feb, still no one else involved insofar as I know. I suspect thats the main thing at play right now in dragging her to the not trying again side of the decision. Thats not, exactly, mind reading (I do have some info if limited) but it also sort of is, so best not to delve too deep. I will say some of her behaviours have been as far away from those that she's shown in the past 10 years as its seemingly possible to go but again nothing I can go into.
So back to me.
40 reps on the old exercises this morning, hooray no pain afterwards just muscles feel a little tighter (if only they werent in an muffin topping that would possibly be a good thing!) noticed the new trousers I got are starting to get loose around the waist which is good but not around the thighs which isnt (I dont just get a beer belly if Im overweight, it goes...everywhere which is a pain to shift
)
So morning calls done, nearly coffee time. I'm really in two minds as to what to do next with w, I am feeling quite detatched, despite all the texts etc my main feeling is frustration at myself as to whether to just say let her get on and I will to (e.g. non-relationship oriented "dates") but I keep coming back to it being a bad idea. I noted in, I think it was Jims thread, someone said their IC had said why, whats stopping you is it theres no excuse no if you're rejected. I suppose theres an element of that but its also the "ejecting" 16 years of history to start over again, theres that element of fun about that thought but also the thought that it could all be a massive failure and make me worse. Hence I just stay solo for now.
I suppose Im just concerned Im still looking to w for "permission" in a way. Codependency in me was predicated on always looking for validation of myself and reassurance, I recognise it instantly when it surfaces now. Theres an echo of it in the feeling I have, I'm waiting on w to blow it up so I feel I have permission to go try. I thought long on that and I think in this case no, its more that w may be hanging on waiting for me to go so she's not the bad guy. Or maybe neither and I just need to stop over analysing!
Anyway will be swimming tonight and then, yay, Tescos for some odds and ends.
I actually thought a point g string man, but if batteries are your thang, it's what ever edz wants.
morning edz.
a quiet relaxed evening is no bad thing sometimes.
....in the feeling I have, I'm waiting on w to blow it up so I feel I have permission to go try. I thought long on that and I think in this case no, its more that w may be hanging on waiting for me to go so she's not the bad guy.
just quoted this as i didnt quite follow. it read like you said your not waiting because your wife is. Are you waiting so your arent the 'bad guy?'
what would your W blowing it up look like?
I'm not tryig topush you in anyway just exploring your thinking a little (so by all means ignore me)
I actually thought a point g string man, but if batteries are your thang, it's what ever edz wants.
Now why did I know I'd see you pick up on that
Nope neither going on here, less action than a really no action thing , whats a point g string, that sounds rather painful, in fact do I want to know
Hi Jim
just my meandering waffle really.
I was wondering was I waiting (to start dating etc) until w "blows up" any remaining chance of reconciliation as a way of seeking permission. I don't believe I am.
I was then saying I sometimes think w may be waiting on ME doing something similar so she isnt seen completely as the "bad guy" by s for ending the family unit. That one I'm less sure on, I have no way of knowing either way really only that she told me of her concern of being seen as the bad guy in all this.
Hi Edz, yes it's a funny dynamic isn't it - the feel of 'waiting.' I guess that's why we GAL and extend our own lives so we don't feel 'on hold.' But I'm sure many of us still do to an extent.
But I also get this feeling with H - about not wanting to be the one that actually brings an end to things. In a way it's mindreading though. Our S's may just be confused, or warming a little towards the M again...or not - we just don't know.
I get your frustration on the text thing. Earlier in our sitch, H went through a horrible phase of very curt one or two word texts - OK - Yes - Done...which was tough. He has warmed up with those more recently and is 'nicer' by text. It's good that your W was in touch about a positive thing after the texts that you thought were a bit 'cool' - but maybe they were just functional - IDK.
Edz, only you can decide if/when you want to think about dating again. It's a very personal thing, and as you read on these boards, there are varying views on it. But I think it's always a good plan to build up healthy GAL activities that you genuinely find rewarding and to fill your life with those first...with no big decision or soul searching needed.
Well and truly cream crackered...
Finished work after being in a 3 hour, well 6 day argument with an offshore team who are now effectively arguing against the advice they gave us previously, sigh...
Anyway off to swimming - 42 lengths in 45 minutes not bad, skipped the gym as it was stacked tonight and I'd done sit ups and swimming and needed to do the weeks shopping. Picked up a couple of cushions for the lounge as well.
Back cooked dinner put the shopping away and fed bft and finally collapsed in a big heap, arms verrrry tired.
W emailed about some ebooks she was after from our book server but nothing else, working tomorrow then off for 6 days yaaay.
Tired tonight but feel quite positive but thats the exercise for you, that and delerium probably
diet is going well but was an challenge today, ate last at 10 last night then not again until 8:45 tonight after a lot of exercise but made it and had the option for cake tonight mmm bakewell tart!
Thanks for your post toots.
Yes its sometimes frustrating, a while back I was trying to judge was w getting to a stage where r talk could be phased in from semi lrt / detatchment.
I've raised and we've sort of disussed dating and brushed past the relationship with non commital response from w but no firm direction.
If w is being forthright (and I'm on semi dodgy ground here due to "thing") she's not dating nor is she wanting to, neither am I.
Do i want someone in my life, a female friend to share time with, yes not more though, not yet. But not right now, too much confusion potentially possible so for now no... Unless you fancy dinner if you're passing down in Dorset toots
Edz
I guess this is where the time and patience really come in. And those are the things which can be so difficult, but which bring more change than anything.
Dinner invite - lovely! But who knows Edz, GG may already be on a plane heading your way!!
Morning all
Maybe toots, nothing on her thread for a while
(think its rather a long way though lol)
Im quite chilled today V, well offshore are pushing up my blood pressure with very poor admin and communications but nothing new for them. No movement on the w front, just letting it go for now all I can do really.
When I can get away from my desk for 5 minutes I'll get some coffee and then can update properly!
Ah Coffee!
So this morning, well not much to report had trouble getting off to sleep last night, checked in but most of you good people either had stuff to do or were away in the land of nod so put some music on and read, eventually dropped off about 1:45 to be rudely woken by the alarm again this morning.
40 reps on the trunk this morning which was...interesting....after swimming last night but managed it then shower and toddled to work.
As I mentioned nothing from w today so far, being wed she's off with s to skating probably, work today then the delights of housework and dinner before sofa and throw. Tomorrow picking s up about 10 and then haircut time before it gets unmanageable again.
So all in all just another normal one so far.
Well just did the measuring waist I've been putting off.
Since July 2014 my waist size has now dropped by 9 inches.
This tells me three things
1. I was huuuuge
2. I still have 4 inches to go to hit my pre-married size
3. Mens trousres vanity sizing is a mine field with some saying what they mean and others being wildly optimistic.
Measured the trousers I was in in July and they are nearly 5 inches bigger than the label said. The ones im in now are maybe 2 inches bigger but are baggy thank the flying spaghetti monster.
So somethings been working. Set myself a goal of July to hit target size and fitness so, so far at least, on target. Not the massive, fast loss I did in my 20s (that was a massive weight loss but was all around mothers death/giving up horrendous bad habbits etc - I dont have those habbits so theres no "easy" options to take).
Keep on swimming as Dorey said..
Well Edz (or should I call you Slim Jim now?) That all sounds very impressive - and very successful in terms of becoming the man you want to be - either for your W, or some other lovely lady to enjoy..
Plus, a great move in terms of your wellbeing. Maybe you can outrun S now?
Thanks Toots, I feel a lot better and am healthier generally (despite a run of bad luck with food poinsoning and then the flu bug).
No, S can outrun me, cant do much about an old leg injury from my teens! I can keep up with him longer though
I want to get to my pre-married weight or a little better (supposedly waist 46% of height which in my case is 34-35") I was obviously a lot bigger than that but if I can keep up the exercise etc should hit that in 2-3 months ready for summer. Still want to be in better shape but thats getting easier now im lugging less of, well, me about!
Interestingly w hasnt mentioned anything about my weight at all thinking about it. Not reading anything into that though. 50% of what's said and all...
Well done mate. thats a really good effort
And 9" of the waist line - no way W hasnt noticed that. Probably helped by the 'wow' comments you've got from friends in front of her as well
I think my scrawny self can still claim the 'slim Jim' title though
Hi Jim
Yup you're doubtless still slimmer than me
Oh I imagine w has noticed just not mentioned it thats ok though its a good change and I feel happier
Got to admit to being a little blue tonight though. Feel a bit lost for some reason. Maybe because yesterday was so busy from a getting out perspective so is tomorrow but tonight is a bit in the middle. Pretty much where I'm feeling.
Not so much a w thing more a where am I going thing really.
Imagine I'll be ok tomorrow
Short term that's easy. Your going to have 6 days off and send a bunch of them with your S. All good Id say
Ha. Yes mate 100% right. Suppose its the same old same old. What's going on in w's head and is it worth me waiting to find out or do I just move on.
Its all good, just the hour of the wolf earlier than normal I suppose.
But yes a couple of days with a cute, noisy, 10 year old 'erbert will doubtless help
Hurumph, definite attack of the lonelys and limboland tonight. Not w per se, I'm just confused on w right now:
Emails, texts,conversations seem to start and then I'm blanked then we're talking then we stop. We get into conversations on r and then w shuts down and then bang radio silence.. No movement on signs of wanting to discuss reconciliation no signs on divorce no signs on doing much of anything although i know w and her friend are getting their hair done on a group offer tomorrow. She mentioned it back on Sunday before I knew I was off for sure, saved s from 3 hours at mil anyway.
But I digress.
Just feel somethings missing, its that close companionship I think, living with someone for a third of my life my brain got used to the input even when they weren't doing anything in particular just.... There.
Not sure why it's so prevalent tonight but there it is.
I say again hurumph....
A blue edz rising (note to self steal as a title,
self why are you telling me this?
Other self oh stop being awkward,
other self...err...this is getting a little worrying...
second self he started it....ok this has got a little meta dont you think?
Self yes shush and close the bracket and you can have a chocolate,
self.....ok)
What can I say, I'm bored as well....
Also gg, you ok..... Saw in your thread something about a break in?
Not house related. Can't say. I'm ok, like most of these cowardly acts done when I wasn't here.
Hi gg, im glad youre ok, well not ok but o.k. if that makes any sense.
I won't pry as it doesn't seem to be something you want to go into, I can respect that.
Sending you good thoughts anyway. Take it easy, obviously just a pan global sucky evening today, this morning, ERM, now(ish)
Morning peeps.
After a disturbed night getting going slowly this morning. Texted w to say I've got to exercise and shower and will be over 10ish. She texted back no problems they're still in bed so will need to get going themselves shortly.
It will be good to have s today, always is but I'm still feeling blue so he being with me will hopefully jolt me back a bit, we'll see.
Probably won't be about much till (my) tonight. Seemed all my dbbuds and i were all having a bit of a time yesterday at least in the evening so my positive thoughts to you all and a large hug to those who would feel better for one.
Edz
Horrible weather here today. Just waiting on s getting ready before were off out. Went and picked him up from w she's a bit grumpy as her hairdresser called in sick so no styling today. Offered her breakfast but she said she needs to call friend and let her know its off and see what she says. Said fine.
W confirmed (without my conjoling in any way) she knows I want to talk on r and where we are going. She said its not the kind of thing she wants to discuss in email. Can't say that fills me with hope. Just said ok whenever she can set some time I'll be happy to talk but I get the impression its either "thing" about to surface officially or its her reasons to not reconcile. Thats better than the word document by email i had in july telling me why it was all my fault i suppose but i can't see her acting this way if she wants to talk about getting back together good news is i can't be dumped again as she already went but I'm not ultra hopeful on anything good either. Ah well. PMA was on full and just stayed upbeat and non demanding or clingy.
PMA to the Max right now but on a fake it mode I'm sorry to say. Well see how it is after a day with the small dynamo.
Catch you all later.
Don't be so negative!!!! (Meant supportively)
It could be that she wants to say lots of positive things and talk to you about her fears.
If you have no expectations then you'll be fine either way.
Have a great day with your S
Yeah, somethin in the air for the 6 month plus club fo sho. But let's not get your...er boxer briefs...in a knot just yet. See what W has to say first. We are rooting for you, Edz!
Hi guys yes negative Nelly aren't I. Wasn't in front of w so thats good.
Someone posted a while back you can get to an "oh now what" phase. I suppose I'm thinking if w was veering into the reconciliation shed be being warmer rather than distanced but thats just mind reading, its just fear I imagine. At least my expectations aren't a Hollywood romcom ending so I can only be positively suprisised. Anyway s is nearly ready so heading out and as to conversation we can't have it until w and I find time without s, either way I'll be on here journalling. Either an ok, what now or an omg that was surprising. We shall of course see..
Back for lunch. W called while we were at the arcade to say she's been hit with a migraine so isn't heading out now asked was there anything she needed there wasnt. S's friend is heading over to her Saturday so s is staying with me till sat morning which is cool. We'll head off swimming tomorrow and hes having some gaming time today and a movie tonight.
So nothings settled or in the process of it just concentrating on s for now and trying to relax until this latest wave of - whatever - passes and the PMA is back to real. Just frustrated and fed up right now generally (not with s) dont feel i can really move on with finances, relationships until I know what direction w is facing.
For now have to take the advice v and several others have given and relax what will happen will happen and let it go. Mostly I am relaxed, chilled and settled into my current groove. Just I know this groove isn't how I want it to be and I dont know what to do yet for the best, heyho.
Anyway waters boiling for spaghetti, got to go!
Now then Negative Nelly....
I think the whole 'expectations' thing works both ways. We already know it's a bad idea to have positive expectations - because those can set you right up for a fall.
But, it's also not a good idea to have negative expectations - because those mean you just spend a bunch of time worrying - and then may be pleasantly surprised and cross that you wasted so much energy fretting.
Best to be neutral - I saw the following little saying recently and liked it - Tomorrow is here. All is well. And for you Edz - ultimately - whatever your W may or may not be doing - all will be well with you.
Now then, it bothers me a little that you're saying you can't really move on in terms of finances and the relationship. What further steps could you take to get yourself to a more 'as if' position. Nothing irreversible if you don't want it to be - but steps that truly help you feel that your life is your own, and 'by jove' you're enjoying it?
Regardless of what your W may be doing, how can you get your current groove to be what you DO want it to be? If you think about it, all of this is within your gift...these are things you control, lovely Edz...so, what's next for you??
Thanks toots you are equally lovely
Been a pretty fun day with s, yes w has been playing on my mind. Suppose its just knowing about thing but ultimately as they say be careful what you wish for how many times have I said I just want to be able to know what direction w wants to go in? Yes, honestly I dont know and this negativity is just me projecting my fear (see I did listen to my councillor) if w wanted to just say nope done an email would have sufficed just fear nothing else.
What's next well all is done really apart from ending my wages into the joint account and yes I could do that its simply at the moment if I do it could leave w and s with no support (her works are being unhelpful about her exit I suspect someone somewhere is on a mission to drag it out) what else can I do well stop being so negative for a start! I have a nice home a good son who enjoys being with me I just miss my wife and the way our marriage was, I imagine me and every soul on this board!
I want another shot at my family being togethwr but this time us all sharing our time not w and s and me along for the ride sometimes.
I like the quote toots, thanks.
I'm really ok been in a bit of a funk last few days with a brief lift on the weight front but even that had me wondering who I could share that work with and have them notice. Ultimately im doing it for me I decided and I'm ok with that.
W finally acknowledging we need to talk I think caught me off guard today and then qualifying it with not knowing when and it not being something she's happy to go into by email set off my inner worryer again..fear.
Anyhoo have to go tuck in s before I can settle will post back a little later.
Yes, I understand the worry about 'the talk' which may also end up being about 'the thing.' I feel our 'talk' may be just around the corner too...
But someone posted recently, however our 'talks' go and whatever our S's may have 'decided' things are not 'over' until or unless WE decide they are....and I really like to remember how important that is.
I think we all reach points in our sitches when things feel 'over.' And in truth, they may be 'over for now' but the jury's out on what may happen in the future..
S tucked in and his media player on, imagine he'll be off sooner than later by the looks of him tonight
I know what you mean toots. One of my earlier threads I posted on "the end":
It was the end if w actually left home and took s
The end if she moved all her things into mils house
The end if she wanted to live somewhere else by herself
The end if I split up contents in the flat
The end if I moved into my place (actually that one saved my sanity)
And so on..
If w says thats it all done will it be the end? I know I'll change my interactions with her and then I'll consider my options and if its right I may seek companionship or I may not. Thing makes a lot of this a difficult call to make right now until w tells me what she needs to do and what she wants to do.
As you say the end is a difficult beast to categorise. Many posts on here of couples with op splitting, divorcing, was marrying op and still getting back together all over years. Ultimately who knows?
Evening edz,
Correct me if I'm wrong but hasnt your wife already told you its definitely the end - on around 23/7/14?
So even if she says it again then it hasnt necessarily changed anything. Its only the end for you when you feel like it is or if its literally the end in some kind of apocalypse.
As Toots said, a neutral frame of mind is best and small recent blip aside I'd say you've been doing a really good job of that.
Hope you had a relaxing evening
Morning all
Hi Jim, yes I said that just above, in fact in her mind before then. Thats what I mean about "the end" above. I suppose its a case of we've had a stage of getting warmer albeit at fractured intervals and what she's done in that time doesn't tally with what she's said.
Yes I'm normally happy with what will be will be I think I'm just frustrated at wanting to not be alone all the time anymore after 7 months but feeling bound by the requirement to be sure I "did everything". Yes I know and I do honestly accept she left me, in my head its not her saying " ok pay attention this is a last chance" she genuinely decided were done but then she stopped before taking anything further deeds of sep, d filing nothing. She could have argued unreasonable behaviour in a way due to my depression and there's not a lot I could have done but she talked to me instead often.
The question is is that because she still wants her friend even after I've said right now I can't do that because I can't separate being a friend and loving her or because she sees a possible future. Thats what's twisting me.
As I posted yesterday it's all just my fear winning a skirmish, I feel better today after a good day with s and some sleep. There'll be more battles ahead regardless of w's discussions, work to be done on a repairing relationship or on creating a new one and the fear thats going to bring.
Just one day at a time.
Starting the day in a minute as its lie in central here today exercises and shower then breakfast for s and then shops for trunks for him and then swimming (amidst complaints on a day with few games and screens
)
Who knows what else it will bring, need to face that with curiosity not fear again and I can get back to being ok with it all again.
Thanks all
Oh well another day.
just try to let go them danged expectations.
Seems they crop up every where.
Well one good thing so far today. Swimming Tuesday my trunks where let's say baggy and it was the occasional test of my reflexes to prevent some shocked looks in the pool
So just had a rumage and found the pair I stopped wearing in 2007 as I'd reached a point where I was, let's say, padded enough they didnt fit. Or alternatively I'd already become a bit of a porker. Back on again no probs today which puts me the same size I was in 2004/5
Still a pesky 5" to go...gg stop making up your own jokes
Oh, yeah I'm back today.
Sounds great about the trunks lol.
Had a similar thing when I found an old pair of Adidas trackie bottoms that are a 32 inch waist and they fit yippee .
Just got a bit of a belly to loose .
Now that's showing off matey. At 6'4 my waist should be 35 Max its....er.not! Was a lot bigger and I'm not quite sure how it happened anyway 2/3 of the way back now just got to stay the course.
Busy day again we got s some trunks and off to the pool s was a bit clingy took me a while to realise he was not confident not sure why w says he comes often. After a while got him to talk to me while he swam forward and I swam on my back to keep an eye on him he stopped worrying and soon had done quite a bit of swimming afterward we headed out and had a mooch and a stop in Costa splitting a tea cake and a biscuit for him, tiffin for me.
Back now and hes having a bash on Lego marvel while I have my feet up on him and I check in here. Pizza for tea later..
I would like some cheeeese.
There is a space inside which needs food, but does not, if you know what I mean!
Last few days my exercise and food regime have gone to heavens knows where whilst I deal with the big hole that seems to extend from my heart to my stomach. Throat is dry and a hard lump stuck there. I need some peace and quiet and back to work.
My work schedule mixed up, no focus. Guess we all have days like this though.
I will be back at the gym tonight and tomorrow is boot camp. Hey Ho!
Wish I was on the beach with my picnic, lying in peace, instead of here in pieces.
Life is well life.
V
Yup v I know that feeling as you can see from the last few days posts here. I know certain things w is up to that I can't post here or how I know them and thats frustrating but got to be true to what I think is right. None include other people just a huge swing from how w was in our marriage, heyho. I can't change her.
Just playing the waiting game for her to find some time to talk now, she's got an open invitation to come here after s is in bed but of course I dont expect for one second she'll take me up on it nor for her to provide an alternative and nor will or can I chase her, sigh.
Other frustrations have been plaguing me of late too but not much I can do there either. So we do what we do, when s is here its good and I stay focussed on him tomorrow he's back to w so I'm off out for some smaller clothes and bits, fraid nothing exiting in my underwear shopping guys but the ones I have are now waaaayyy too big I'm also pricing up a nice black leather jacket if I can find one I like and some new trousers so I dont wear these jeans into the ground.
If nothing else I'll have my wardrobe updated at least until I need the next size down and then the next and then I'm at goal sounds easy if I say that fast enough.
Plenty of beaches down here v can't promise you'd want a picnic on them in this weather though. Nice resteraunt overlooking the beach though!
Well this afternoon got interesting w emailed me on and off and said can I give s a big hug for her, called her for s to speak to her but we had some issues (I don't use a land line as I dont need one but there seemed some issues) anyway w started bouncing back and forth by email and text.
Decided this had the potential to get into pursuit so just called her and ran through some bits mostly her printer not working, dropping s back tomorrow and other bits.
We got onto r and talking about it, got into a point where w said its just never a good time as s is with me or with her. Said we can resolve that reasonably easily but if she just wants time she should just say (she brought up the talking thing anyway no didnt say that to her).
It wasn't a very cohesive call bounced here and there and I was just left feeling like w just wants out. Surprisingly my current feeling is one of fatigue if shes done why doesn't she just say if she isn't why is she making excuses, s is in bed by 8 she can come here, I can go there, he can stay at friends, gparents. Seems she's again using him as an excuse and thats not fair. Apropos nothing she said she wasn't just going to fade away, asked what she meant and she said now wasn't the time to talk....arghhhhhh
Anyway tried my best to stay in PMA and stfu mode which isn't easy right now. S is going back after 10 tomorrow, originally said 10 as that was w's preferred time but she said she's normally up early and taking some time to get going in the morning.
I'm very confused with what she wants right now, I go dark or as lrt as I can with s and she pings me on texts and emails and I reply and then she shuts down. I'm wary of pushing into pursuit but I get called on her printer and to tell me one of my favourite actors died (Leonard nimoy rip) I'm baffled does she want me to leave her alone or not. Why if she wants to talk is she so keen to put it off, and if she doesn't why bring it up in the first place?
Mmmm mmmm me is puzzled all me is bafflicated
Well s is in bed and I have a bottle of Cabernet rapidly vanishing here. Not helping but at least im relaxed!
Hi Edz
Sorry it's been a bit of a tough evening. That's all a bit odd from your W isn't it? Hard to make sense of it, other than she sounds rather conflicted right now. You on the other hand are applying logic (fixing?) - Well, if we want to talk, we can do X or Y. But she isn't taking the bait for some reason.
The 'I'm not going to fade away' comment is interesting too. It's like your W wanted the S, but also wants you to be pretty 'available' - for example to help with IT problems. And you're a nice guy, so you do. (I miss my H's IT skills actually...but gosh I wouldn't ask him for help right now - not unless I was hanging off a cliff and he was the only person walking by - then I might (only might))
I just get the feeling that your W may not want what she's got, but isn't able to take constructive steps forward either. IDK Eds - how much do you think 'thing' may have a bearing here?
The other thing I would mention is that quote from someone about WAS' minds - "It's sure messy in there, and you don't wanna get that stuff on you."
I guess the easy answer is if your W wants to talk, she will push for a specific plan to do that. Until or unless she does, I would keep on keeping on, not worry and make the most of your life.
Hi toots
Mr fixit was specifically put away. I suggested them on here but not to w, my only comment to w was if she's not ready just say dont make an excuse I dont need her to. She denied it was just there's never a good time.
Thing could explain a lot and I *wish* I could say what it is but I just can't without hugely violating her privacy.
I know w blames me for not listening to things in the past she has a point but as I've said to her it was more neither of us heard each other, I told her I felt isolated and our intimacy (in both senses of the word) was almost non existent from her refusing to hold hands on up but her single focus was my r with s and my being insular. The link escaped her totally and by bd I was so internalised and isolated that no I wasn't outgoing and I've been totally honest on here that r with s was truly awful.
Anyway, yes you're right I can't do much until she gets past the scheduling,in fact its counter productive for me to as its pursuit. I'll take my lumps,Ill listen to everything and if its a point I can address I'm happy to work on me but if w just wants to tell me why she doesn't want to know I dont know why she's holding off unless she's just worried on my reaction bit after 7 months not sure what she's worried on. As to the not wanting what she's got, again, dunno since she won't talk its truly hugely frustrating.
Hey ho, well see her mood tomorrow. As to asking for help w has a passive mode to it. She won't say hey can you fix my printer just hey my printer isn't working I've been fighting with it. Old he would launch into mr fixit. Today I didn't. This led to a follow up email (prior to the call) asking me outright to look at it for her. On the call I pointed out she only needs to ask.
I'm in full detatch and trying to be relaxed tonight but I honestly don't understand what her goal is (thing excepted) unless she's just worried talking will be it between us and my boundary will mean coparenting only. Without sounding self important she's told me I'm her best friend maybe she's just worried about losing that.
Honestly I just dont know
Blasted lack of pub.
Its seems clear your W wants to say something but she may not even know what that is. It's frustrating for me so I can't imagine how you must be feeling.
There is a squirrel metaphor somewhere on these boards which seems appropriate right now. When you said you don't need an excuse I think you might have startled her
dont make an excuse I dont need her to
I'm nit picking but when you said this there is a bit of jackal in there in that it is combatative and leans toward negative. It shows your frustration and if she is apprehensive in anyway (which it seems she most definitely is) this could be enough to alarm her.
You may have been better with something more like
Its important to me to hear what you have to say but I want you to be comfortable about it and so when you feel ready to talk then we can make some time and I will be ready to listen.
Hi Jim
The latter is closer to what I actually said tbh, just paraphrasing to get it out on here quickly as I was frustrated after the call.
What I actually said was that if she needed more time thats fine and I'm sure we can work put a solution to talking if we want to. Or words to that effect.
I do dearly want to know what she wants to say, its difficult to say if its harder and more frustrating to wait or to not push her. Thing continues to worry me too and there's no one I can really discuss that with which just adds more frustration.
PMA is truly being tested right now but holding on.
Edz, hope you got a reasonable sleep and today is a better one for you. Remember, if in doubt, do nothing my friend ((Edz))
Morning edz
Ok, that's good. I hope you don't mind when I pick up these little things because overall I think you've been almost spot on.
This 'can't quite reach' situation you have would surely test anyone's PMA and their ability to control expectations (positive is negative). Is there something you can do to really distract from it? And this is where I'd like some others to chip in, is now a time to withdraw just a little more?
For example could you go away for a few days and be completely uncontactable? Something where you can be warm and positive about it but will still have the effect that she can't contact you for a few days.
What you've been doing seems to be have some effect I guess I'm just trying to think of some options for you. (Hmmmm might be my Mr letmeworkonyourproblembecauseicandonithingonmine getting all worked up)
As for the thing (and kudos for your integrity in this), what is it that worries you? if you can say. What she's says or does about being done only really matters if she crosses a boundary of yours. Are you able to say what boundary of yours it crosses?
Anyway enough of that what culinary delights do you have planned for the day? (I'm making lasagne)
Good morning everyone
An ok nights sleep, disturbed dreams kept making me restless so was up and down. Up shortly to get exercised and showered before getting s ready and breakfasted.
Thanks toots I appreciate the concern (and the hug)
Jim please continue with any questions or feedback they're appreciated too.
Will see how this morning goes and if thats me for the weekend or if w throws an unexpected request. The issue on nc is s, I just can't go completely dark or absent thats feeding into the way I was with him. I can easy do it just turn off email and phones and go out but w goes dark for days on end sometimes so I'm not sure it will help.
Sorry mate I just can't go into thing too much. I can say that its been on my mind and is pretty fundamental. Depending on scope and if w was interested I may be able to live with some aspects but I'm guessing she wouldnt want to try if its somewhere she needs to focus on. Can't really expand on that though I'm afraid and even in the above I'm being deliberately vague
Planning pork and spicy rice with peppers this evening and today will be shop mooching once s is back with w. Will just try to stay out as long as possible tbh.
Thanks again guys.
I agree withdrawal a little further may be a good option. Allow your W to pursue this a little more if she wants to. I do think you remain very 'available' to your W Edz. I can see your POV as far as S matters go - but it extends beyond that.
You say that your boundary is you won't be WBF, but your sitch reads as though you remain WBF....
Maybe you could try very limited availability for a week, whilst being pleasant, brief and a little mysterious.
Like Jim, I'm just not sure - but hopefully food for thought anyway...
I guess I was thinking of it more positively in a 'I'm going hiking in the peak district for a couple if days so I won't be contactable'
So not going dark or NC just simply being completely unavailable because your off doing something fun.
Ugh peppers - despicable things.
Hi Jim
Ah I see, no not really work doesn't allow it and neither do the financials. I'll see how today goes, I expect frosty mode this morning, I'll fix her printer and get out and start working on my image as well as getting some pants that fit these are way too baggy, could get someone else in here as well ( not that I'm likely to get many offers though lol
)
Well spun being out a goodly long while. Got pants and a new kitchen brush and frying pan (for reference dont buy cheap tescos ones they fall apart) they dont call me Mr wild for nothing, well they dont at all actually, nearly scored a £17 leather jacket in a sale but it was as you'd expect a silly miss price even in its worn state (looked like crush marks on the back) they wanted £40 so I left it.
Tried next size down trousers which fit if they looked a little snug. Picked up a pair to work up "down" to, new top and some general shopping.
Not much on the agenda for the day now dinner in an hour or so then chill I suppose.
This morning with w went pretty much as I expected she's very quiet no mention of anything bar chit chat really. She asked me how she can migrate her outlook files from the PC she was using at her mums to the laptop told her but she has none of the peripherals etc. This was passive asking again but i didnt rise to it,after a little while she asked could I do it (I did not offer) said yes but only there (I dont like being in her files without her knowing what I'm doing I fight snooping though it would be soooo easy so I dont want to get accused of it!) so doing that Monday won't take me long and may be the IT help swan song for a while.
Other than that fixed the printer as requested and had a coffee, spent a little time with s, PMA, smiled but didn't feel it today there's too much swirling around.
W got a new hair appointment after I'm back at work so was busy saying she'll see if her friend can have s neatly proving my point on time to talk but I simply smiled and said nothing.
Anyway just home and unpacking everything sent a very quick text to let w know s left something in the car in case she's looking for it, call me if she wants to talk otherwise I'll see her Monday. Got an okey dokey back nothing more.
Ho hum, bit meh this afternoon and the steel grey murky spitting weather is not helping. I shall have to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get dinner going maybe some wine a bath and an early night tomorrow off on another jacket hunt and dropping my Mr chunky clothes off at a charity bin to make some space in the drawers. Old drawers so to speak in the rubbish of course, dont need a big flag
Well tried on the clothes I got all fit nicely bar the smaller jeans which is to be expected those are my guide trousers for the next stage. What I didnt realise was the top I picked up isn't an xl I took what I thought was xxl and xl into the changing room(I'm barrel chested and have a 42-44 chest even at goal weight) I actually picked the l and xl and the l is the one that fits still some slight muffinness going on but I can work on that.
Spent the last couple of hours attacking my chest of drawers content mercilessly all the big big stuff packaged for charity bags, big pants binned, socks paired or dumped and pants / socks rolled and put in some cheapy organiser things I got from tesco (sick of hunting for them under t shirts and everything else in the drawer - gumtree being scanned for more storage) lots of old old stuff I'd kept for sentiment dumped too a jumper w really liked me in thats been repaired multiple times etc if we get together it will be new memories if not I dont want it here.
So busy busy. Dinner is on lots of peppers and chilli's Jim
W called and I'd missed it so that was 2 hours waiting for me wasn't deliberate but won't do any harm she was waiting. Question on USB keys sigh... Anyway we chatted about my clothes extravaganza and the close miss on the jacket. Told her to call me if she wanted to chat or to get together to talk or I'll see her Monday - I won't be texting or emailing her unless she does me (didnt say that obviously).
So there we go, looks like another melancholic note to finish this thread on unless something dramatic happens before the new one is needed but could be worse. Fairly upbeat about the way weight is going but not there yet will be by summer or late spring if I can keep up current progress.
I honestly don't know with w only she knows what this talk is going to be; worries, fears, absolute certainties on why she can't get back together or thing and what that means. Or maybe how to make a perfect omelette with cheeeeeeese well I suppose I'll find in due time.
A little sad, a little lonely but chugging on.
Oh dear this whole bottle of wine seems to be empty how did that happen?!?!
Must be the only one not out on gal fun tonight!
Ah well swimming tomorrow morning and got a line on a new leather jacket I'll be chasing up tomorrow afternoon!
No such luck edz. No GAL'g for me. Just trying to sort bits ready for tomorrow.
Peppers truly are evil and they contaminate the stuff around them
Just ate two whole green ones two chilli's two pork steaks and rice with chilli sauce. Mmmmmmmmm
Oh and a bottle of viognier Chardonnay also mmmmmm
Hi Exz. I'm home with the kids. Chilling and watching the tv. Great news on your clothes Your doing well. Your interactions with your W are positive and your W always seem comfortable around you. For me that's a great start and something to build on. I quote my L/C a lot but she always talks about the connection between people and how important it is Your interactions with your W , the new ,improved Edz and time You have complete control over the first two and you are doing great. The last one cannot be controlled so you (we) have to learn to let it be. Life hardly ever turns out as we expect so try to stay positive, look at the end result and not the journey to get there Nothing is ever over until you decide it is.
Take care, Rd
And yet normally your cooking sounds appealing......
Thats really good news about the wardrobe though.
You W will talk to you if/when she's ready and she knows your there for her when she is. I suspect you won't get any warning though.
In the meantime patience and expectationlessness (yeah, its a word - sort of) and some technik Lego for Mr fixit.
Can I join in the guy chat? I'm also not out GALing this pm - although I was out GALing for the day at my workshop, which was good.
I would like to vote YES for peppers...I love them - romano, chilli, ordinary yellow ones...I had a lovely lasagne with peppers in tonight, kindly made for me by one of my Mum's carers, who's a great cook. She makes big batches and brings some over - and well, it would be rude to refuse...
Eds, great news about the clothes - good for you! It's always worth trying on the smaller size. Well fitting is always more flattering than baggy.
Another thread coming to an end eh? Well, that's more time passed and more learned and practiced. And a step towards a resolution of some kind too.
You say that you are just chugging along - well that's just fine. We always need to remember the two great warhorses of this approach - time and patience. Yes, we learn new skills and approaches and we put them into practice too, but time and patience are so important....you're doing really well I think! :-)
Thanks rd.
I still have a way to go. I honestly didnt realise how far I'd gone but thats depression for you!
Waist has gone down nearly 10 inches now but I'm still not sylphlike
got another 5 to go. Trying those on today points to the thighs being the issue I'll keep working on it though.
I'm waiting on w being available to talk that will set a destination as to whether I continue to stand or move on but for now I just need to be patient.
Thanks
Hi toots, hi Jim, all welcome in my thread.
If it locks keep an eye open for a new one!
Thanks for saying I'm doing well its often difficult to know, since I tend to judge success against reconciliation or moving on (wrong obviously its stabilising and improving ourselves but who can easily judge those results themselves)
Let's see where thread 15 will get me to tears laughter and probably more bottles of wine I imagine.
Your always welcome toots
If I lost 10 inches from my waist I think people would mistake me for a low budget sci fi alien. I'd be able to use vanillas bed socks as a sleeping bag though.
I know war horses a good but a nice thorough bred racer my be quite nice as well.
I think where I differ slightly is I don't think time is one of those horses. Patience definitely is but I think personal growth is the other one though it needs a better name. There is probably some yogic word for it but in the absence of knowing what that is and until some one has a better suggestion I'm going with Reginald.
Why don't you think time is a huge factor - MWD cites time, practice (apply techniques etc) and patience as 'the big three.' And I know this because I'm re-reading DR as we speak, and I just read that!!
Time and patience here practice of techniques I get wrong at times.
Its not I don't think time is a factor, it's a huge factor but I don't see time as working for us (like a war horse), time just is.
If we don't learn to use our horses then time can be a factor against us, for example if we keep riding the beg and plead horse.
I do need to reread DR though as its been a little while (actually my reading has dropped off a bit).
Well w started texting me about wine and TV, we got into an exchange was fun but then she did the usual...dropped out.
Just went back saying well you stopped so nighty night.
This is really hard she seems to push straight back to how we were on texts and emails sometimes (way beyond just requests or chat - nothing flirty or beyond sadly) but then we get to a chat and....nothing arghhhh!
Well been left a little discombobulated again. Not sure why she texts me like that, she seems to just get scared, bored, angry who knows and stops.
I'm better at handling it with her now PMA and stopping, it should be noted I dont start these chats w does.
So why does that wind me up when I'm pretty happy insofar as detatchment. Is it because I feel its leading me into something that then doesn't happen, if so what, mmmmm no answers really just journalling for myself...
Time to try getting to sleep again..
