Wife has been living at parents for 1 month now. - 02/19/15 04:41 PM
So we have been married for almost 12 years and together for 14 years, I'm 42 and my W is 41, we have 4 kids (17/17/10/8), the 2 older ones are from previous relationships from both my W and myself, they are both girls and we each have custody of them. The younger 2 are both boys from our relationship.
One day about 6 week ago my wife came home from work and I was expecting we would go out and do something that night, I had the house all cleaned and ready to go have some fun. W came down the stairs and I started talking about going out and doing something and she had this look on her face that worried me then tears started so I put my arm around her and ask what was wrong and she told me that she didn't feel close to me and felt distant. I was stunned, blindsided, never saw this coming as we I though were getting along fine. W proceeds to tell me that the way I argue has pushed her away and really bothers her.
Background of our fights is we average a big fight 2x per year and with those fights they can get pretty heated, I've been known to yell, throw things and hit walls every once in awhile. Never hurt her, never threatened her, never towards her. Our last fight was about a month before she told me this. This last fight she did call the police on me when we were yelling, there was no throwing anything or hitting any walls just yelling between us. Since the fight up until she broke the news to me we have not argued and even have gone out together and had a great time, even our SL was good during this time which it always has been. There was never any warning signs that I noticed before this day she told me she felt distant. There has also been issues with my Step-Daughter and me, we haven't seen eye to eye in the last couple of years, not sure if it's teen issues or it's me, but she feels as if I get on her all the time. I have learned to step back and look at issues in a different way to not cause conflict with her.
After I was told this about a week later W left home and moved to her parents which is only a couple blocks away from our house. We started counselling and had one couples counselling then since that we have each had a separate counselor. I am enjoying my counselling because it's helping me with my stress from other issues that has potentially caused my anger issues during our arguments and I feel better. My wife has not been very communicative with me but she will talk if we are around each other, it has got better as I was being the pushy one about our relationship and getting back together since I have started reading DR and backed off with a lot of things.
I love my wife and really want this to work, she has not really mentioned the Big D, just has said she doesn't really know what she wants, but hasn't said this in awhile. I'm leaning a lot from my counselling on how to deal with anger, arguments and communications but it's really hard to put these skills to work with my wife not home. I've learned a lot about myself in the last month and seen how I can act from the outside and I'm very upset with what I've seen, change is definitely happening for me. My W birthday is coming up in 3 days and I want to celebrate it for her but I don't want to be to pushy either.
Well that's my story for now, trying to stay positive and work my way to a better husband and person for my family.
One day about 6 week ago my wife came home from work and I was expecting we would go out and do something that night, I had the house all cleaned and ready to go have some fun. W came down the stairs and I started talking about going out and doing something and she had this look on her face that worried me then tears started so I put my arm around her and ask what was wrong and she told me that she didn't feel close to me and felt distant. I was stunned, blindsided, never saw this coming as we I though were getting along fine. W proceeds to tell me that the way I argue has pushed her away and really bothers her.
Background of our fights is we average a big fight 2x per year and with those fights they can get pretty heated, I've been known to yell, throw things and hit walls every once in awhile. Never hurt her, never threatened her, never towards her. Our last fight was about a month before she told me this. This last fight she did call the police on me when we were yelling, there was no throwing anything or hitting any walls just yelling between us. Since the fight up until she broke the news to me we have not argued and even have gone out together and had a great time, even our SL was good during this time which it always has been. There was never any warning signs that I noticed before this day she told me she felt distant. There has also been issues with my Step-Daughter and me, we haven't seen eye to eye in the last couple of years, not sure if it's teen issues or it's me, but she feels as if I get on her all the time. I have learned to step back and look at issues in a different way to not cause conflict with her.
After I was told this about a week later W left home and moved to her parents which is only a couple blocks away from our house. We started counselling and had one couples counselling then since that we have each had a separate counselor. I am enjoying my counselling because it's helping me with my stress from other issues that has potentially caused my anger issues during our arguments and I feel better. My wife has not been very communicative with me but she will talk if we are around each other, it has got better as I was being the pushy one about our relationship and getting back together since I have started reading DR and backed off with a lot of things.
I love my wife and really want this to work, she has not really mentioned the Big D, just has said she doesn't really know what she wants, but hasn't said this in awhile. I'm leaning a lot from my counselling on how to deal with anger, arguments and communications but it's really hard to put these skills to work with my wife not home. I've learned a lot about myself in the last month and seen how I can act from the outside and I'm very upset with what I've seen, change is definitely happening for me. My W birthday is coming up in 3 days and I want to celebrate it for her but I don't want to be to pushy either.
Well that's my story for now, trying to stay positive and work my way to a better husband and person for my family.