Looks around stretches out and claims comfy beanbag ahhhh nice here....
Edz quote
Thank you Edz is that you or BFT? The one on the beanbag?
Vanilla
Hi vanilla. I was 3 weeks late with last years accounts and had to pay a wee penalty !!!!! But it's only money !!!!!! Sitting in front of roaring fire with D13 draped accross me D10 lounging in armchair and S16 lying accross two seater munching popcorn. We are watching Back to the future 2 and life is good. Just got text from W to say she is sorry for all the upset she has caused. !!!!!!
Would love to drive to her , collect all her things and bring her home. SIGH
Have to make do with my beautiful, loving kids instead
Vanilla. If you have any probs with the Revenue tell them RD500 said its ok !!!!!
Take care and thank you for being who you are RD
Post from RD on old thread
Looks around stretches out and claims comfy beanbag ahhhh nice here....
Edz quote
Thank you Edz is that you or BFT? The one on the beanbag?
Vanilla
Ahh let me explain how this works..I'm on the beanbag the bft is on me. Double comfy....
RD
Baby steps, an apology from W is a baby step. Just validate say thank you, hold tight to those lovely DS and the popcorn too before S16 has it all!
Relax like Edz and BFT. V is relaxed too, might have another glass of wine and a little carbs for snooze time.
Now what is on the TV now H is out?
V
Quick synopsis
V has an in house S with a H who is compulsive. Gambling, alcohol, cigarettes, spending and OWs. H is searching for an OW or possibly two or more, but without long term success.
V was a complete mess before arriving on the board, no consistency and no boundaries. Things have calmed for V, and her H is less successful at abusing V, as V is more detached. Thanks to her DB superstar chums. V loves DB and especially that she is encouraged to GAL and this board as it has really helped her develop.
It is more or less consistent from thread to thread, V is standing for her M and loves her H. H is a set of identical triplets. Which one today?
V is here for a long time, it may take a couple of years to resolve V sitch one way or another.
Vanilla
Vanilla. You are a legend. For us men , we wish our Ws had half you resolve to save the am and for the ladies you are an example in how to cope. I've said it before Thank you for being you and on here. Enjoy the wine and carbs, you deserve it. Hugs and a cheeky kiss. It is sat nite. Take care. Rd
Working hard all day from 8 this morning to 10:30 tonight.
H not in evidence anywhere. Peace and quiet. looks like he is out again tonight again? Not sure as the burglar alarm was off, but his TV is silent. He may be tired after golf or beer or both.
Brilliant day, all my people volunteered to come to work and a staff husband did chores for us. Very good day, clients around all day in and out (they really like it as it means no interference with their work day).
I had GAL today twice, one staff brought in a picnic and a client dropped off a basket of fruit.
V
RD
Thank you for the support and cheeky kiss!
V
V, every time I check in on you I feel like there's nothing to add because you are a BOSS. Love seeing what you have to say, here and on others' threads.
V, every time I check in on you I feel like there's nothing to add because you are a BOSS. Love seeing what you have to say, here and on others' threads.
Thanks Maybell, but there are times I feel really sad and weak inside so it's lovely to know that you vets think I am on the right road.
I have still not finished your threads and I prefer posting if I know the sitch a little. I finally reached the end of the threads of the phenomenon called goat gal and I do trust everything is ok with her. This was on the direct instruction of Wonka who suggested goat gals threads as inspiration and her approach was my model until I found my feet a little bit.
Maybell , I am one of your greatest fans here.
V
Curious case
This morning H
H:I went to bed at 9:30 you know and slept until this morning
Me: excellent you are getting plenty of rest
H: I am driving to Brighton this morning I feel like a drive out and I need a hair cut
Me: blow some cobwebs hey?
H:yes it will be good to give the car engine a run, then I will bring the mail to the office
So fellow DBers this is a multiple tick box questionnaire, what is H really doing?
He will bring back mail so we know he will go to Brighton. Brighton is 2 hrs away. Bear in mind the next person to visit Bton after tax year end will be V
1. H wants a good run in his car
2. The sea air will do him good and OW wants a quickie
3. He will come back with a haircut despite hairdresser being shut on Mondays
4. OW left something in Brighton
5. H left something in Brighton
6. The flat was left with incriminating evidence of OW, condom wrapper, champagne (no H brought that back)
7. There is a letter H wants to hide, love, divorce, loan lease (Bton is H main res)
8. He forgot to turn the Emerson heater off
9. He left the windows open
10. He is uncertain about any of those things
11. All of the above
Let us wait and see, will report back
V
V, you forgot the all important:
12. None of the above
I just wanted to reinforce Maybell's point. I think you are pretty awesome, too! You carry yourself with such class.
13. He is setting up a romantic surprise ready for Vs next visit
14. There are seagulls in the bedroom which he needs to remove
15. he has a collection of antique spoons which he is getting valued
Vanilla,
I want to echo whats been said in that I respect you immensely and am incredibly grateful for the support and guidance you offer me and others around the board. I think you offer a lot of really wise advice and love you attitude to GAL
So please take what i'm about to say with this ^^^^^ in mind.
It might just be me but when i read your posts about your H I read a lot of negative expectation and judgement (A lot of Jackal language). I know his behaviour is pretty atrocious so i'm not in any shape or form trying to excuse that, i'm just wondering whether there is a more to it.
I've struggled with how to ask this so the phrasing may not be great. When I read your posts I sense a lot of anger but in reading all your posts and looking at your amazing GAL activities (and the fact you have locked up the screaming banshee) I find myself wondering how you are processing and/or releasing that anger?
If i've got this all wrong then that is my misunderstanding and I apologise.
HI Vanillia, as Jim has posted, you have no idea why he's going there. You are letting your thoughts win. He is going for a drive and that's that. Don't worry why. You are very strong and so helpful to others. Think about Vanillia, don't let your imagination trick you, try to deal with facts.
Imagine me giving you advice !!!!!!!!!1
Take care RD
I think, just my thought, that nilla is like me she needs to do the negative thing to keep in her mind the next thing night be a huge whallop in the face from,him with a wet fish.
When they are that unpredictable it's just a protection mechism. So you are prepared.
M h looks like h was expecting a truck this weekend. My thought is ow moves in. It makes me laugh, I'm not sure why but that thought did.
Complete opposite of what any one would expect, it's not scarsatic nasty. It's what I thought would happen, it's kind of what h told me would happen.
Although I thought he might have moved to her, given his lies and poop in his nest being stinky. People are smelling dead fish round him, my guts telling me he's gunna move on to fresher pasture.
Jim, RD Gan and Gg,
Thanks for your input. And I love your advice RD it is solid.
Gan I get it, yes, an extra item none of the above should be included, will do better in future.
I guess I am just bewildered by what H does and largely yes I do put rather a realistic spin on it, which tends to be negative as that is what I believe H's spew tells me. Benefit of the doubt more often probably due to H.
Jim, I am through the angry stage with H, more to the bewilderment and amusement stage. I have observed with H the less I say, the more H behaviour is transparent and the less he tries to hide what he is up too. But you are right I should also add a positive intent to H on occasion. V is not angry more confused and I have long ceased to wonder why H does the things he does. H has his reasons for H.
I am also protecting myself, making sure H has no access to my or my clients cash.As long as he does what he wants with his funds I have no issue, and as we are S, OW are non of my business any more.
Gg you are right, I look for the most likely explanations and if I am wrong I am pleasantly surprised and if not then I am not too disappointed. A compulsive gambler when in compulsion mode will spend all the cash they can get their hands on too, so a negative outlook can be a protective one. They chase for a win and can spend a great deal of money, the last time with H was 4 years of his salary, his house equity, his pension fund and he took loans and overdrafts. The he took the cash from the joint account (not much in it), the savings for his grandchildren. He spent so much time gambling and drinking that he was asked to leave his work. He spent his redundancy money and now lives on a tiny pension and the little I pay him, but he has just had a tax repayment so is back in funds in his bank.
Did I know this before I married H? No absolutely not.
My Gamanon mates keep me sane and the twelve steps mean that pretty much I can detach. I have to let H fall into his own pit. So I observe so that I can prepare for the next onslaught. But my anger is pretty much past with screaming banshee and my resentment is gone. Its more compassion with a boundary that I will not be abused. I have told H that this also means putting my livelihood at risk and my clients money exposed. I run a lot of trust and tax accounts so the risk is high. I have also told H if he steals I will report it. Having H around my business is as relaxed as I can go.
Anyway I was not far from the mark, had a text H at 11 am saying H was going to the casino (things are going well he says) and he is staying away overnight. However as I was typing this H turned up and says he changed his mind, he has a migraine and wonders if it is something more serious. H wants me to drop everything and go to the hospital with him. One of my lovely staff's husbands is going to drive him there and stay with him. I will keep in touch and follow on shortly. If H did not have a drink last night (as he claims) then he may be in detox and that may account for it. H knows my H1 died of a brain aneurysm at the age of 31 years old and so I am very wary of this type of headache with flashes.
I have changed all the log-ons to the bank accounts so H can not raid my personal bank and the joint account as he has done that before. If he does take cash from me then that amount will be deducted from his settlement but that means I have to borrow to replace the cash. Plus at this stage I would rather not add theft and police activity to the repertoire as I may lose my financial services license. H did tell me he was going to do everything he could to ensure the business failed (rant during agreeing fins) and I feel my best strategy is to protect myself from this.
I am trying to be as relaxed as I can be.
Vanilla
Hi v
Trying times. Sounds like you've done everything you can do as a precaution and are at a position to either let it end or stand by with detatchment as you are doing. Its not an easy thing to do no one whos not been there can understand it that's why the forum is v helpful although its construction is working against me at the moment.
Hang on in there. Been Ill today and had the bft on the bed most of the day she has now vanished probably to hang around the kitchen. Shower and up to make a proper meal in a mo, then strip the bed and put on fresh sheets after being in them all day. Just wanted to say be proud of your bd efforts they're extraordinary. Looks like I have a new hill to climb in mine. Anyway ill check in later.
Sorry duplicate post there!
Disappointed you are not well Edz.
Of course if your W is going to be an MI6 spy we don't need to know unless you are the Master Villian. Whatever the issue is if it is sensitive then keep it confidential but keep on posting about how you feel. On a need to know basis if the world does not and you need privacy then it happens.
I, for one am more concerned about Edz and how things affect him rather than the specifics. And of course the BFT and S.
Vanilla
Just back from hospital now back at laptop.
H is ok, it is a migraine but they have booked him in for full labs. Took H home, dark room, glass of water and migraine tablets from dispensary. Will check in with him later.
One more crisis, had a call from a colleague in my reciprocal firm. If anything happens here they take over and visa versa.
Their tax manager has had a breakdown and they have 45 filings to do. We will see what we can do and the files come over tomorrow with two members of staff. Will speak to my contact at HMRC and see if we can get an extension for four or five days whilst we handle it. My staff say go for it.
That will leave us with 70 filings by midnight on Saturday. Very tall order, hey ho.....
Away we go.
Vanilla
That will leave us with 70 filings by midnight on Saturday
'Eeep!!' i believe is the appropriate response.
You'll get it done i'm sure and then i'd suggest a well earned rest.
Hi v
Sorry its been another trying one for you. As well.
Funny thought of wife as a special agent, just something that if true well I need to respect her privacy on it unless she tells me.
I'm ok ish, lousy pains migraine and joint pain as well as nausia bit better tonight, both bft and I have been fed and sheets changed so flopped on sofa now.
Glad I got to the detatchment point I have or matters may be different. I'd never say never forum taught me this but a full reconciliation seems unlikely from this boat right now. We shall see. Bft is sulking after being scolded for begging after wolfing down her half bowl of ham this evening.
S was fine yesterday after I took them back to the flat. Believe he's been out and about on home education daytrips today or so he hinted at the weekend, w doesn't really tell me.
Please find time in all your wondrous doings for v as well my friend, you need to be ok before you can help others
Closing up shop at 66 to go. No 66 is complex and part done so first thing tomorrow. Then three easy peasy returns. Should make 62 by 10 am
V
H went to golf this morning at 6 30 am. All bright eyed and bushy tailed.
V
H went to golf this morning at 6 30 am. All bright eyed and bushy tailed.
V
Bites tounge, but a smart pants coment of he likes playing with his balls! Springs to mind.
Norty gg!
No but they 'table' and eat sandwiches with the 'right bacon'.
Then they knock about a bit, partner up and rush to the changing rooms.
V
H went to golf this morning at 6 30 am. All bright eyed and bushy tailed.
V
Bites tongue, but a smart pants comment of he likes playing with his balls! Springs to mind.
Norty gg!
Apt a gal after my own funny bone. Geen Tea as well........
Could not resist
V
My brain is numb, my wrists ache.
Chaos rules to-day and I need some rest and a bath.
Sitting here with 48 returns left to go, plus five walk ins. Eight of which look complex and 20 easy peasy.
Acquired portfolio, files are chaotic and incomplete so it is lack of documentation. The few I have done the accounting is solid and not incomplete.
One delegated staff member fantastic and knowledgeable, the other rather chatty and scatty. I have her sorting files into order and ringing clients for missing information. She is working in H office so he has to work from home if he does not want to share. Files everywhere!!!!
Please with today's effort, my wonderful staff performing very well indeed. We may make it.
Vanilla
Brave heart v
I believe you'll get it done with time to spare. Enjoy the bath.
Edz
Sounds like its going well with the workload. At thus rate you'll be done by Friday lunchtime.
I just want to check are you using golf as a euphemism?
You know I've always thought those 'golf sale' signs must be some sort of cover because seriously how many golf sales can there be down random side streets?
Jim
No this truly is golf. Wondering what euphemism, for OW perhaps? For cigarettes, beer or fast cars. nope.
This really is as boring as it sounds. Golf, it's all balls, H seems to take delivery of plenty of new balls. Where do all these golf balls go, surely the green is knee deep in them by now. H is not at golf today, it is very windy and that is not a euphemism either. Golf is H choice, his obsession. At least it is exercise for H.
I see lots of golf sales too, may be you can change your H for a different golfer in there?
Interesting thought.
Time to get back to the task in hand at work.
V
Thank you , Edz, Maybell and Jim your encouragement is very motivating and inspiring. I need it and value it highly.
V
No but they 'table' and eat sandwiches with the 'right bacon'.
Then they knock about a bit, partner up and rush to the changing rooms.
C'mon V. Read that back and tell me that you're not using a euphemism. I too was fooled!
I'm getting confused with my times zones. You are just waking to another day of returns, yes? Hope those wrists are feeling up for it. Just think of how awesome the weekend is going to feel!
Vanilla, thinking of you today, hoping the rest of your work week goes smoothly!
Hi V
you're very welcome my friend. I know you and your team will get it done, confused about your H's behaviour (right bacon or no, cant say Ive ever understood golf though, there with the Allens - usually wrongly attributed to Mark Twain - that Golf is a good walk spoiled). Anyway I'm confused by my W's behaviour and I've known her 15 going on 16 years!
Hang in there, the tunnel will give way to sunlight soon
When you get there make sure you spend some of that same drive on relaxing and treating V for her labours.
Edz (and BFT, whos sleeping off chicken and ham...on my nice clean duvet...while Im at my desk....grrr)
No but they 'table' and eat sandwiches with the 'right bacon'.
Then they knock about a bit, partner up and rush to the changing rooms.
C'mon V. Read that back and tell me that you're not using a euphemism. I too was fooled!
I'm getting confused with my times zones. You are just waking to another day of returns, yes? Hope those wrists are feeling up for it. Just think of how awesome the weekend is going to feel!
Gan
OK The UK golf lingo:
Table is the number of players Teeing off within a time frame
Knock about about means practice shots to 'warm up'
Partner Up means they tee off in pairs down the green
Rush to the changing rooms is because the hot water in the showers is first come first served!
But yes, I confess to having a Pyrrhic view.
V
Thanks Gan,RPP and Edz
Leaving with a total of 38 returns left plus 5 new ones.
Acquired portfolio is not so simple- sure 45 files but some files have two or three returns in them. Yes they are simple but it multiples up the number to submit. We submitted 24 day but only brought the total down by 10 returns. So that is 14 added. Good news is that all of the files are now split and standarised for our processing so the total number is genuinely 42 remaining. No more surprises I feel. All of the returns are here around my desk.
It is possible to make it, the quality of the work is good and some of the schedules need reworking, bits missing but overall it will be good accurate work. There is absolutely no way we would ever be unethical here, if it does not meet the standard it will not be submitted. HMRC contact has said explanatory letter with a list of estimated returns will be ok, but they must be submitted. However they will give me 14 days to revise, which takes us to Valentines Day.
Well there you have it, I need to sleep as been working since 7 am.
No wine though as must be in the best form for tomorrow.
Vanilla
Hi Vanillia You sound great work. Is keeping your mind off your sitch for sure.
Don't forget to delegate!!!!!
Take care. Rd
Hi Vanilla....I just wanted to add my name to yiur support list. I think you are doing great. I also enjoy reading your posts on others threads.
Thanks Karma, RD and Toots for keep your eye on me, I have needed the moral support today. RD you are right it does distract from sitch!!!!
Today was a mixed day, spent all morning on two BIG returns staff partner from acquired portfolio says will carry fines if small clients not filed on time.
Must say I would have done it differently, would have submitted 8 or 10 small ones instead! Submitted big guys on an estimated basis then resubmitted Sunday or Monday. Does not seem fair to me.........
Anyway as I leave tonight tally is 29 files left with 4 or 5 really awkward returns. One I am in the middle of, so will go home and sleep and start at 4 tomorrow morning. We added 3 returns to the original list and filed them and one of those was a biggie. So the total is better than it looks by 8 extra returns. Plus two refiling for last year where there were errors on the acquired portfolio, giving clients nice repayments. I should have said that tardy V has not done hers yet!
Apologies if not posting on your threads guys until Sunday. You are all in my prayers.
Pat the BFT for me Edz.
V
Bft patted and purring my friend.
Sorry to jump in here but I have 4 cats and two dogs. Just saying Feeling a bit left out of animal talk. Rd
Well let's see 5 dogs a cat I stopped counting horses at 11 and a lambie!
S17 could could as a feral animal, but has rehomed himself where he can set the bar much lower, so to speak.
Oh and s17 thought we needed a preggo female cat 2 weeks ago. No no no.
I would virtually adopt every single one of the animals......
I have a very soft spot for poor old lambie, who may become poor old eweeee...
In fact would hug all of you guys too. Just want to hug you all in one great big round the world hug.
V
(((Vanilla)))
And one from bft, sorry for all the fur use some selotape to get that off
Hi Vanilla,
Sounds like your making really good progress on those returns. Good luck with getting them all done (although i suspect your the kind of person that makes their own luck)
Hope you have a really good and productive day
Lambies good with a crooked leg, doesn't stop him running Into you at full tilt.
Atm he's been soggy wet, so please hug from a distance he's like a huge wet ball of cotton wool! Drenched.
I don't want you to be sick again nilla.
We understand the whole very busy tax nilla.
Gg: I just love Lambie, so I wont mind a wet shaggy coat. its a he so not a ewe then, more a ram!
Lambie would ram me with his wet coat. What a lovely lad.
Jim, RD and Edz here is my report to the Executive Committee in charge of morale:
Sitting here still struggling, we still have 22 to submit. Acquired portfolio.....
These guys have forgotten that every partnership has multiple returns, one for the partnership and one for each partner
They also have missed that all directors irrespective of tax jurisdiction and earnings of UK companies must file a return, so we have found small family companies where spouses have not filed for years, and the clients have no log-ons. So we can not use our systems we are having to create log-ons with HMRC to file so acquired staff will be here with the rest of us. Each log on needs a separate email address so we are having to set up email as well. What a shambles........
I have to say our dedicated HMRC helpline agents have been amazing to us and very helpful on admin and checking. Excellent better than previous years. I have absolutely no complaints at all so far. I know other accountants have not found this but I speak as I find.
So DB.........
Tax Nilla, not very amused at the moment with the behaviour of the acquired office. I am very glad I insisted the work came to my offices with a couple of staff. Acquired non tax partner keeps ringing up to find out if X or Y is done, and to tell us of a new nuance not on the tax files. He is reviewing the tax returns and he is remembering new facts from ad hoc meetings and calls. His PI insurers would have a field day. All calls, meetings and inspirations here are logged and marked to electronic as well as paper file. Should be no surprises. Plus all our documents go out by email not on bound paper. We find our clients like electronic on the whole.
So boundary check
Me: When you interrupt us then we can not get the returns submitted, as there are no fines and penalties for amendments then I suggest on Tuesday you send a report on those files you wished reviewed and amended. There is only interest. We are taking a very pragmatic view. Thinks: go away leave us alone
Acquired P: Well very......blah blah
Me: would you like us to continue to do this or should we close up at 5:30 tonight and restart on Monday at 9:00 in the morning?
Acquired P: Well I did not mean but you must see....Blah
Me: I would very much like you to leave your queries until Tuesday. No submitted tax return will be amended until then.
Acquired P: Unreasonable blah blah
Me: The staff are working long hours and will work tomorrow Saturday, yours and mine, so I have told them to take Monday off
Acquired P: Clients, service standards, blah blah
Me: I am getting back to work now and I am not expecting to hear from you until Tuesday. Have a good weekend
Phone down (spitting tacks but STFU). Now I bet that guy is a joy to live with, envy his wife? No way.......
Could not have had that conversation before DB, would have wimped out.
It works this DB stuff
Vanilla
I think you handled that well. Good job vanilla.
I would guess he is scrabbling for some sense of control because he knows youre right and you're bailing him out.
Not sure lambie would help with disruptions in the office though...
I hope your taking monday off as well
TI-Ming...
Just had a big barney with one of the sub support terms in singapore. The *individual* had taken it on himself to interpret control access rules to mean quietly removing access from accounts to run certain things. Result crash, bang as business schedules fail.
Queried with him this afternoon and his response was simply oh it doesnt have access. Old me would have said oh ok we'll sort manually whats the change process. New me just copied in the chain above him and said it had clearly HAD access please mitigate and we will discuss how to migrate.
It does work and it does change you. Or at least this whole process has!
Hang on in there V, BFT sends a meow along with a request for Dad to go and feed her, its getting near hungry time!
Good for you, Vanilla! You are DBing all over the place.
Last day to go up hill and exhausted, brain weary. Come home for a change of clothes and a little rest. To catch up with my DB pals and post.
Jim Edz and Dawn thanks for your words. Looking forward to reaching the finish line.
A new strategy today as it is the last day. All available hands on processing at back office, get the returns in and little on front end with clients. Still a lot of work in front of me but the files and notifying clients (other than payers) can wait. Not ideal but the only rational solution. It is mainly 'easy' clients left. all the complex cases are resolved so keep on moving onwards.
Another hour of rest then back to it.
V
Had to put my 1000 post on my own thread. Can not believe I gab this much!
V
I am glad you "gab" so much! I would miss you if you didn't.
Thank you Dawn.
Well 7:15pm almost five hours to go and we have filed them all! Deadline met this time. Small pile about half a dozen to be checked on Monday.
Never again.
Now for the bubbles in the bubble bath and then V goes GAL , a 50 party for bestie's H in a Thai restaurant. The best Thai around, lovely.........
GAL score will rise just watch and from tomorrow V will be the exercise queen.
Cheers
V
V, that's fabulous news - a huge well done to you! I heard that tax returns were pouring in at a rate of 20,000 an hour today.
Enjoy your meal out, and your relaxing, GAL-rich February!
Excellent job Vanilla (and team) - Now enjoy some well earned fun and relaxation
Good grief, V, I'd be heading off for a nap, not a Thai restaurant. Kudos to you, for lots of things.
You go, lady! You are setting the world on fire. Have fun GAL'ing....you deserve it!
As if there was any doubt !!!!!! Vanilla vs HMs best. No contest !! Take crare. Rd
Congrats V and co! Enjoy your well deserved bubbly + bubble bath and night out with your friends.
Fireworks, trumpets and celebrations a plenty
V well done although as a lot of us said I never doubted you and your team could do it.
Now among all your gal, exercising and generally making me look like a three toed sloth on the gal front, find time for bubble baths, spa visit or something else that will put a big smile on your face and a sigh of relaxation.
Kick back a little and take it easy!
Edz
Bft (who is being a pickle with squeeking for yet another dinner this evening probably protesting my absence all day) sends an ear twitch
All you lovely wonderful DB pals. Thank you for your help and support during this very hard working time. You are all part of Vs higher power, so please celebrate with me. Glass of bubbles and extra portion of your favourite treat.
20,000 wow. Team V contribution two per hour of those! Puts it into perpestive, however I know many accountants that 'store' their filings to the last day as the way they think the rules work is that it cuts the window for investigation. if I were HMRC my pool for first review would be those filed at the end, that is why team V checks them over the following week.
Will post two weeks GAL score together, and I am going to average the two weeks. OK new rule averging only as a long term medium score! Makes GAL both a long term goal as well as one.
Taking advice, going to the spa in an hour or so but first washing V sheets and put one clothes wash on.
H at golf today, so peaceful and listening to classical music.
Downloaded the head space app, (currently use mind gym) but suddenly no sound on iPad. V is proud of nurdiness but this is a reset from scratch situation, chance to be fresh. Voila we had sound. I wonder if there is an avatar app anywhere that we could convert a board into a sort of second life.? I could make my DB pals into beautiful avatars. Gg with her kick ass heels, big tall handsome Edz, sauve Jim, cheeky RPP (sassy naughtiest), effervescent Pink, the irreprpresable Mza, my beautiful rotary Dawn, Gan with her smart safari suit, HP and ins sharing GAL with RD and OD and all of you bringing your children to have great fun. Toots you can design the venue for us as you have such fantastic taste.
That would be wonderful. I sometimes imagine that you are with me discussing issues around a table in my garden, it's summer there is a BBQ and wine beer and sparkling water. Bees buzzing and birds singing, sitting the chiminea lit chewing the fat giving each other support on our sitches. One of my avatar scenarios.
V
Hey nilla tonight I didnt go out but had an impromptu friend drop in.
Awesome since the biggest gossip was working here this arvo!
female friend but who cares no one knew her.
Gg that is delicious, what secret smiles that gave you.
That's at least 4 gal points!
V
Was seen gal round the place, funny gossip will fly that bone back directly.
Totally directly. Meh. Nice so there moment.
crying with laugher.
Wonderful day at spa. Plenty of time to think and had a celestial float for a whole hour. Picked the last session of the day and there were only three of us in the pool floating.
Did a typical V thing, I signed up for body building! Got myself weighed measured and checked. I am just in the range of BMI where they allow this, am just flexible enough and just squeaked in on body muscle percentage, although in top 10% for women of my age grouping. Crikey help the rest, if V is in the top 10%. I get 6 weeks with a trainer. If at 6 weeks my BMI is 29 and muscle mass is up by 1lb or maybe 1 kilo ? Then can go to next level, which is cheaper and goes for 10 weeks. If not have to repeat the 6 weeks. V go to the naughty step please. Anyway I have big changes planned for V.
V is very tired but oh so happy tonight.
This last few weeks has told me
1. I can do more than I think I can
2. My manual systems at my office are good and my team are amazing
3. I need more software to present what I do. acquired portfolio looks better on paper to client than mine. I am not communicating enough.
4. DB has more to offer than just R
5. I am ready to grow my business and move into new office space. I want to be more front office and let go of some back office routine.
6. GAL is essential to my wellbeing. I can GAL without PMA but not the other way around
7. I do minimum maintaince on my body, I feed it well, i do no damage to it but I treat it as something to carry my spirit around. It is worth more than that. If I look at my measures on Sandi scale this is where I fall down. So plan coming up.
8. I do not like toothache and I function better without it
9. Offering fruit at the office is better than biscuits! duh.....
10. I need stronger boundaries. NMMNGirl!
11. My DB chums are vital to my spirit
I shall sleep tonight.
V
I'm glad you had a good few days, and you should be really proud of all that work you put in.
GAL is essential to my wellbeing. I can GAL without PMA but not the other way around
Such a good sentiment, and something that we all need to remember all the time.
That would be wonderful. I sometimes imagine that you are with me discussing issues around a table in my garden, it's summer there is a BBQ and wine beer and sparkling water. Bees buzzing and birds singing, sitting the chiminea lit chewing the fat giving each other support on our sitches. One of my avatar scenarios.
Love the sound of this
Jim
I wonder if there is a board out there that works on Avatars?
A second life type scenario would not be effective as the board posts are more like a journal and designed for the readers as much as the writer. By writing on our own and each other's sitches we slow our thinking, review and reflect. By rereading threads including our own we gain perspective. I was encouraging the lovely young dad Ins to post on other threads as we learn much from this. By doing it we get a lot of feedback, and some 2x4s. But I love the idea of avatars instead of Ms. Would need to be open like life.
It would be fascinating to see how we represent ourselves.
V
What awesome goals! Love the positive additude
As usual showing the way but doing it. More power to you vanilla. Take care
Rd
Morning V in your purpleness
I think you're right if we all had wow/second life avatars it wouldnt be as easy to work through the really hard stuff. Sometimes the anonymity really helps, well me at least.
I'd like to be able to reach out in PM somehow though, I can understand how that may be a bad thing since some of us on here can be in a bad place when we arrive but I think I've made some good friends and it would have been helpful to be able to discuss some things knowing they dont end up in the Google Cache forever open to the world.
I did ping the mods on what can/cant be done insofar as allowing outside contact (or even a GAL db'ers get together) but no reply unfortunately
I understand. Club rules Edz are club rules. Generally they are there for a purpose and that is to protect us from harmful contact and scams. We are very vulnerable.
I suspect that by going on courses and so on we accidentally lock. The open PM etc may well be for vets.
After a long period generally DBers are more stable, but of course there is always mischief makers that can cause harm too. Indeed it would require great Machiavelli tendencies to post here for months on end and true personality not to leak. Over time we reveal more of our true selves, but if you have ever seen catfish on TV then not always in online situations. I, for one believe that there is no point in limiting our sitch as then there are views from fellow DBers that are incomplete. As to facts which relate to others and which can be sensitive for them then we have to be more guarded and that can be limiting for us. Clearly that is currently the case for you. V understands this.
You have the BFT to confide in too! She is very confidential because of lack of memory.
Whispers to keep secret from BFT, "special menu for BFT from V"
V
I think personal messages and real identities are not allowed because there are a lot of vulnerable people around here. LBS might start imagining that they have a real connection with someone else, simply because they seem the opposite of their WAS (committed, devoted, open, faithful...). Also, there might be people coming here to make up identifies with the goal of telling a sad story and scoring men/women. Finally, I like that everything has to be out in the open, so that we even see one-on-one conversations. The Boards would lose much if we started parallel conversations on our sitches.
I agree though that it's not so cool to have the whole thing on Google, forever...
Agreed on the points above, for me I'd be happy if none of the posts could be searched for on web searches and only available to logged in users at least then I'd feel confident in opening up on the bits I dont at the moment.
But yes I see where it would be easy to end up with inappropriate contact going on.
Oh and V BFT is good at secrets but her advice always includes; chicken, ham, chicken & ham, cheese or fish. Which, try as I might, I cant turn into a cohesive plan of action
You continue to amaze and impress me with your GAL, your detachment, your positive attitude. I am so glad you are here!
Morning v
How's it going, you still busy with work or at full
GALlop now (see what I did there, no?
Morning V. Hope you're doing ok. Are you taking some relaxing time now after your big work effort? How's H doing these days??
Thanks for your info about Ceroc - I'm looking into that one!
Toots x
You will probably not get an answer from mods on.
No personal information and no mention of other sites is something you agree to in the TOS and for them, that is the answer.
There was a time, many many years ago when PM and sharing emails was allowed. One poster, that I know of, ended up being stalked by someone she met here.
It is for everyones safety and privacy.
And the "vets" get no special pm privledge either.
Thanks cat04, I appreciate its for our own security, would be nice if every page wasnt open to the google cache though. Seems a little bit silly to put in place those restrictions for privacy and safety then leave the rest open to any search engines but I can understand its so people searching for help could find the site, it is how I got here.
Thanks again
All
I just have fun talking with you DBers, and share my pain, I get great advice and support too.
Vanilla is back on track with GAL, it's orange Wednesday today so meeting up with pal to go to see a film. Cooked a fish pie to take for supper too.
Snow is gone, none left.
Viewing on the house tomorrow so spent the day cleaning and tidying. Tenants have no proper boiler so engineer was supposed to ring, sat around all afternoon waiting for the call. Nah......
A lot of work on, all of the stuff which did not happen in January on the non tax returns.
H had a three tantrum day to day.
1. V put a dirty cup in the dishwasher without washing it first
2. V is a bad wife as house would be clean and H would not have to do anything. Cleaner is useless and not doing enough (untrue she is here for one hour and works very hard).
3. H needs money, V does not earn enough and is lazeeee
V will not be insulted so will enforce boundaries later. H has gone to see his granddaughters so all will be quiet.
The incidence of rant and spew is reducing though very slowly and gradually. V will keep on enforcing boundaries. I will not be subject to insults. It is my personal ethos not to insult H or any one else. And there is no point in enforcing boundaries whilst the rant etc. is in full blown mode, so I STFU and carry on with a surprised look.
In general I do not notice H behaviour or comment on it when he rants and spews. But I will validate if his comment is justified and will try to correct and apply change for the future.
H: I am going out for lunch
Me: that's nice
h: I am going to the cafe in the village and will sit and read my paper on my own
Me: OK have a lovely lunch
10 minutes later
Me: that was quick, was it closed?
H: No I decided to get some bread rolls and have soup
Me: there are several soups in the fridge, is there one you prefer?
H: I will do my own thanks
Me: OK
Then he sits at the table and joins me for lunch. H had vegetable and bean soup.
The previous two evenings he has sat for supper too. If I am cooking (which is normally the case unless I am working) then I always ask if he would like some food. Inevitably the answer is no, or if yes then he grabs the food and eats in front of the TV. I always sit at the table. Monday I cooked chicken curry with rice and vegetable side, yesterday I made salmon en croute with peas and kale. He sat and ate with me at the table on both nights. V will report if this trend continues. I have continue to ask if H would like food despite the continual negative response since last October.
H says that he is not feeling very well and indeed he does not look good, but V is not surprised as he has been drinking heavily, smoking constantly and then pushing himself to play golf. Poor life style choices have caught up with him and he has constant colds, chest infections and H is sleeping for long hours. H tells me that he has cut back on his drinking, which I have detached from, I do not monitor, I really am unsure in this. H is worried about his headaches and that his glands are swollen. H is very clearly depressed and alcohol will not help. His choice.
H has told me he feels his life is in the 'pan'. V said, I am disappointed you feel that way.
I am pleased H is eating properly even for this short while. H has been living on white bread, Special K, sandwiches, crisps, beer, the right bacon, ham, pate and steak and chips at the pub. Not a vegetable in sight or fresh fruit. I now leave satsumas in a bowl for H as well as bananas for his golf. It is up to H. That kind of self abuse and lack of care will make a human feel low. At least now he will have some vegetables and fresh fish. How can H recover and feel well if he will not look after himself. All V can do is make sure that good food is offered and the fridge is stocked with Apple Juice!
V replaced the spices in the spice carousel and is using the ingredients.
V is off to GAL.
V
Morning V. Hope you're doing ok. Are you taking some relaxing time now after your big work effort? How's H doing these days??
Thanks for your info about Ceroc - I'm looking into that one!
Toots x
Thanks Toots, long report on H above. V is working more normally, had a half day at the spa on Sunday, but generally need to be available for clients this week..
Ceroc is great fun. I hope it is available in your area Toots. There is Le Roc as well which is a different company, much smaller but mainly south coast. Need to dig that out for Old Dog as he says no close Ceroc venues. Ceroc is a franchise. Do try it, it will take 6 weeks of beginners classes every week.
V
I agree though that it's not so cool to have the whole thing on Google, forever...
Mza, I really think that is ok, there are comments around odour big clearing of old threads though.
Plus I do reread my threads sometimes to extract the advice given and often there is much more to find. Your thread is very helpful Mza as it so clear how you have grown and developed as Mozza to Mza. Dear heart, long may it continue to work for you.
V
You continue to amaze and impress me with your GAL, your detachment, your positive attitude. I am so glad you are here!
Thanks Dawn, I return the compliment redoubled.
V
Thanks, Vanilla!
I am so proud of your detachment and GAL. You are really setting a great example for all of us. I am doing well with detachment, but must step up GAL.