Onward and upward, V! Here's a toast to you!
My sitch
A potential WAW, who is not wayward blessed with a compulsive spouse and who changed her mind about walking. Standing and using DB.
This is going to be a very long stand indeed as nothing much has shifted in 10 months except for changes in Vanilla. Here for the long long haul.
Life is more peaceful.
Expect to find boxes of frogs.
Vanilla
Now I'm back on evenings not much gal durring the week for me.
Catching up with friends is limited to weekend, except for my work friends who,have been close.
How bout some points for chatting up humans?
As you know my biggest fear became talking to people. Hence now I talk to anyone again.
If your breathing your a target while I'm working. Now that's flowed over to after work. People stop me to chat, ask how the hounds are and what they have eaten this week.
Bananas this week mostly, sometimes it crazee stuff like soxs. Or the lamb bottle.
Lets hope the frogs are red lollie ones, mmmm I love red frogs!
Thank you Little, it's good to have friends here who support us. And those who offer 4x2 as well.
And to all of the wonderful posters who have helped me stand and given me strength. You are also tolerant of the ramblings of a GAL supporter. I love that term GAL. I may have it engraved on my ash box, she knew how to GAL!
Vanilla
gg
You can have an extra point every time you wear the red kick ass heels.
Vanilla
So ever morning instead of slippers before I head off to work I should be wearing heels!
Lol... Maybe the gym junkie will be in. Gosh I'm so easily amused it not funny.
Wonder if I can scare him too?
That would be funny muscle bound bloke who could most likely throw me into next week being scared!
I'm looking forward to Friday, might be rhc day, it's his normal day.
Oh there is a link n the new Boxing Day thread with a bit of explaintion why abuse is hard to crack. Why it's additive people who get drawn in. I found it interesting.
Now vanilla you didnt give me the heels option for points, feel left out, mind you where would I find size 13 (lol)
Omg edz, they are out there trust me.
We served a bloke this week in the shop we were taking bets of it was a dude or woman. I looked r
At the feet In the end and yes I swear it was dude in more than size 13! Ladies shoes small heels and all!
Ha! well as Im 6'4 and have 2ft shoulder span I think you wouldnt need to guess very hard
You do know it's easy to migrate uk to au right?
Faints!
It would be a tree change I own quite a few trees. In fact I own enough land area to build a small town. Lol
well technically the bank owns it they let me stay here for a very large sum each month!
Tried to a few years ago before S turned up but it sort of petered out (dont think W was madly keen on leaving her parents)
A tree change? Are you branching out? (groan).
Thats sounds a lovely location Gg! I used to live near the new forest many years ago (my dad still lives near there now) used to go out to the forest for picnics and take the dogs.
A farm in Australia with trees well a few the drought killed a bunch, is not hugely common. Not the sort of Forrest your thinking.
Although my thoughts on drought is atm what drought. It's rained for nearly 3 weeks straight! Sick of the rain, so are my hounds. They want to get out and have a run. They won't while its wet.
Would you like some of our weather, its dull grey wet and freezing (well 3c out of the wind)?
Dont have dogs at the moment, would love to but have rented for so long theres no chance (present landlord needed an additional £300 deposit for my 17yr old cat) but when I did Skippy (that's not a pun she was really called that as she was rescued as a pup from a skip) hated the rain and cold, she loved going to the forest and local gravel beach but if she was in the car and looked out the window and saw rain she'd sit there..upright...as much as to say nope, not until the weather looks better mate!
I suspect we are used to a whole lot more green here in the UK. That and our idea of drought is that it hasn't rained in a week.
Those red heels would just sink into a new forest bog.
You are such a huge inspiration to me, Vanilla. I am so proud to see you standing and DB'ing your heart out. Thanks for being a positive example.
Thank you all for the great GAL contribution.
Edz, you don't need heels sounds like you are tall enough, but you can have 1pt for red braces.
Gg I need to hear about RHC interaction
Jim no chance of drought at the moment! The river is flooded here and if this continues I will need my wet suit to get to work as I will have to swim for it.
Dawn the feeling is mutual, so we can have a GAL time, it's getting to be a GAL time at Vanillas.
Have I told you lot about my gnome? I had a stone gnome which was given to me for my 40 th birthday party. Gnome it all (called GIt) travels in my car on the back window and he gets dressed in various outfits depending on the season. At the moment it's an elf costume, but I am going to get him red shoes and red braces in honour of DB. Original Git was stolen (maybe he ran away because I was a very bad Vanilla?) Ok original Git is now officially a WAG (walk away gnome) and his leaving made the local paper (with appropriate pictures) of course. The local garden centre officially gave me a new GIt and that made the paper too. The garden centre currently has a sign "50 sheds of grey". Just reminded me of Wag and made me sad he hasn't come home, I miss Wag. Now I am in an EA with Git.
I know gnomes are an English thing, along with boxes of frogs.
My wrist is as sore as my tooth, the elastic band has been pinged a great deal today.
Conversation with client:
Blah, blah, accounts, tax, blah
Client: so I need to keep these?
me: yes (h pulls face behind my back)
C: I can see your house is full if you keep everything
H: not with me I am out the door
Me silent
Later
Me: I feel it is inappropriate to discuss our personal affairs in front of clients and it reduces me in their eyes
H: I don't remember doing this
Me: repeating above conversation
H: I did not say that
Me: i have not discussed our R with anyone in our circle and generally I keep our business very private. (I am open here and at gam anon) both anonymous places
H: generally?
Me: yes, anonymously at gam anon
h: ok
The boundaries are being set and enforced.
H is pleased with his new car which is lovely metallic blue.
H beard has gone, it itched him. Go figure.
Weather is bad, tooth is sore, and so I have swapped lead at GAM anon tonight for a quiet evening with you guys at DB and posting my accounts. Have agreed to do next week instead. Unfortunately lost points tonight.
The antibs have had an unfortunate effect on my digestive system so it's a jacuzzi bath whether I want it or not.
Rzr you have made my day! My 2x4 is away for the night.
Windy here tonight
Vanilla
Tooth much better, other end much worse. If there's not gunk from one then it's the other.
Decided to go back to better health habits.
I have Sandi guidelines (as modified) on an Excel spreadsheet one line per item, each column is a date and I mark my progress or lack of it on the spreadsheet. Some Sandi, you would believe are greyed out and they don't apply in my sitch and I have added 4 items extra which do. Mainly to do with compulsive behaviour and boundaries. You can tell there is a theme, measuring keeps me externally focused. It's ok as long as it's a monitoring tool. Health is an issue and of course, I don't look my best because of tooth.
Got the Fitbit out yesterday and charged it up, will use that account, there is a forum and guidelines. I like Forums now I am here on DB. But more than that I like guidelines and programs, I am one of those who RTFM and then grumbles because it does not work. Where is that "any" key? I keep manuals and instructions and receipts, receipts are attached to bank statements. Bank statements are listed computerised, compared. Hey, don't knock it until you have tried it!
H washed his bedding today. Oh, and please can I get some of that nice washing liquid? Can I put his bedding in the tumble drier for him? Yes, now it's fixed H.
Doctors appointment for very sore tummy today. I think it's too much antibs. Will get some pro bios, the sort that has a coating that goes through the tummy. Repeat Mantra, yogurt is my friend, yogurt is my friend.
Salsa tonight and meal out lots of points.
Warmer and drier here today, I can put Aqua lungs away
Vanilla
Just been to the doctors. I want help knowing internals are ok and nothing serious, just a basic thing really
I relay conversation
Dr: I will get the NHS central to send you a self test in the post
Me: what does the test test for?
Dr: blood in stool
Me: but I know there is blood in my stool (thinking of tomato soup in loo this morning) so I don't think we need to test for that
Dr: yes of course
Me: what is the next step
Dr: a bowel exam
Me: how do I get one?
Dr: well first we do the blood in stool test
Me: is the practice given prizes for every patient picked up using the test?
Dr: I will send you for a bowel exam
Another
Dr: have you started the SSRI yet, how are you getting on with it
Me: not yet
Dr: you cashed the prescription
Me: yes, but it's contra indicated for people with bowel problems
Dr: oh, you read the insert
Me: yes I always read the insert
Dr: why did you cash the prescription knowing that?
Me: it was written in the insert in the box
Dr: I will put that in your notes in the notes section
Me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RTFM gets them every time, every time
Bemused
Vanilla
I love it when drs do stuff like that. ^
You have rhc update, as promised.
I loved your h saying stuff like that then saying he did not. Sound like script to me. The whole bait and Switch when caught out in a lie.
Lets hope your teeth show some improve and the whole health thing starts to get better.
Would you like some of our weather, its dull grey wet and freezing (well 3c out of the wind)?
Dont have dogs at the moment, would love to but have rented for so long theres no chance (present landlord needed an additional £300 deposit for my 17yr old cat) but when I did Skippy (that's not a pun she was really called that as she was rescued as a pup from a skip) hated the rain and cold, she loved going to the forest and local gravel beach but if she was in the car and looked out the window and saw rain she'd sit there..upright...as much as to say nope, not until the weather looks better mate!
Sounds like my bitach, she does not drop her panties and pee if the grass is wet or there is a frost, but Snow is for eating, go figure. The x racing dog tryed to eat my brand new work shirt he graped the packet and was staring on the shirt! Thank god he did get a bite out of it, as it was a free shirt.
We have had grey weather and we do get snow. So nope, I whine and bitach if we get winter in summer.
I suspect we are used to a whole lot more green here in the UK. That and our idea of drought is that it hasn't rained in a week.
Those red heels would just sink into a new forest bog.
Today to go to the party I wore non red shoes out the drive and fell in a muddy puddle! Had to clean foot, and then put on my pretty heels. I'm sooooo glad this summer was meant to be dryer than average. The sun was out this arvo and that's a first for about 3 weeks. Could explain why I feel so tired.
This last long dry was 10years of dryer than average. Which makes water tables drop and things get bad. A few wet years recharges it.
Yesterday was a good day for GAL.
One of my lovely clients aged 93 took me for Xmas lunch to my favourite pub!
He's going strong, still drives and as lively as anything. I enjoy his company, he was a big cheese in a major corporation and has wonderful stories to tell, excited by politics especially debate and is admirer of Russell Brand. 2 pts
Last night I went Salsa with a 24 year old and we danced until 1:30 in the morning. 4 Pts.
I have just woken and will now miss the first of my gym sessions for today. 2 pts lost. I am going to go for 10:30 for the second session. 2 pts. I am meeting a client in the office at 12 and then lunch with her. 3 pts ( includes child and Frozen sing a long) Then I go immediately to get some probiotics and new dress 1 pt. then to an Xmas dinner dance with 20 friends involving dancing 4 pts.
The only hard thing for me is my weight. I put on 20 lbs and whilst I lost about 4 of them, I have been so inactive during the tooth phase very little more has shifted. And at the moment I am a little waterlogged and puffy. It's Xmas with extra eating, but I am not drinking so that helps. I would like to let loose one night but I know I can't with H around. I am not inviting H any more. He is off to golf today again so I am hoping I won't see him today. That would be peaceful. I don't tell him where I am going and he doesn't ask and visa versa. Things are more peaceful and we are more separate.
I love my GAL.
Vanilla
Awesome GAL, Vanilla! Love your great attitude and outlook. Keep it up, lady. You've got it down!
Another fine GAL day yesterday..
Went shopping for Xmas stuff and then a client called in with her books and records, she hadn't eaten so I suggested the local pub, took three dogs for a short walk with her.
Elderly neighbours 80 party so went round with H and champagne and card, then went to an Xmas dinner dance with bff and her H, had a great time!
H is having a pity party for himself, originally said he did not want to go to elderly neighbours as he "did not want to sit there on his own". What about the pub every night, golf, football and sport watching at local bars, all on your own? And what about the fact H left me on my own all those long lonely times! No more H, I am off to GAL, because I am having a great time.
To start with GAL was hard and I felt lonely and sad, no more, there is the odd moment, the last dance and other mushy stuff, but generally I leave or find a loo, or go look at the stars before that happens.
There is sadness in my life about H, but I let it flow and pass. I feel it, acknowledge it and let it go.
Tooth hurts again today, nethers ok, but tooth hurts. Why can't everything be ok together? Grrrrr.......
But at least I have pain killers. Started a pro biotic course yesterday will do intensive for 14 days. Yogurt, yogurt, yogurt too.
House cleaning, etc today, going to be a domestic goddess then my marathon film afternoon. It's going to be enjoyable, quick pasta to cook. I am going to claim my space again, this will become a happy busy house with visitors and life going on. This is my life H now and I will enjoy it.
Busy
Vanilla
Hi vanilla. You seem such a strong person and your advice to others is great.
I don't have any words other than keep on keeping on. I so wish my W had half of your strength Your H seems to be oblivious to your feelings and I hope he realises what he could lose if he carrys on in this vian.
Keep the PMA and enjoy what's left of your day. Rd
RD thank you for the lovely words. I am strong until I go to mush!
Well today was interesting.
H was gone to golf before I woke this morning.
I did some shopping and picked up friend for afternoon and evening film.
H had objected to my film afternoon but he went to watch in his bedroom where there is sky. Then sulked did not come down even to say hello.
Cooked pasta and took him some, he said that he didn't like it so didn't eat it. All my guests had two helpings so couldn't been that bad.
Made wassail cider.
H has then gone drinking.
Wore my Xmas jumper.
I have reclaimed my space, watched two excellent films (hunger games). Had good food, spiced cider, minced pies and coffee. Good company and fun. Lots of GAL points.
It is now very clear to H that I have dropped the rope.
Another couple of months and I will be preparing for LRT.
I want my share of the house space. This house will come alive again and there will be GAL and laughter. I will not be refused in this. Sulky, unhappy H can do the same if he chooses. I have told him this and I believe he knows he can.
Next I will have a dinner party.
H was actually well behaved even if absent.
Conversation this afternoon
H: you went out to a dinner dance? (Last night)
Me: yes
H: you didn't mention it?
Me: no
H: oh
Silence
I will be stronger, no marshmellow moments.
Vanilla
I hope you had clotted cream to go with those mince pies
as always your positive attitude and commitment to GAL is most impressive - you blow most of our points totals out of the water.
I imagine it must be quite disconcerting for your H
Well Donne. More days kle toad and you will be in a much better place. Rd
Sorry typing on phone. Doh !!!
Maybe toad is right LOL
Give this one a kiss and maybe I will get a prince!
Vanilla
Awesome Vanilla! I love your plan for LRT and your commitment to bring your house alive. No marshmellow moments!
I can just see your h face when you tell him no and he says oh! Inserts full choir Of crickets chirping.
Clotted cream, that's a thought but no I served whipped creme fraiche with Cointreau. Next time Jim, next time there will be clotted cream.
H drank my clementine juice which was intended for today's mulled cider, it doesn't begin with A!
How odd though, W has a party and H stays in his bedroom watching football. It must have been the most important game of the season. I hear crickets now gg.
Not a particularly GAL day today. Vanilla is slipping, it's another tooth day.
New member of staff today, I am visiting the new offices and this afternoon dentist. I hope I am fit enough for the gym. Campaign Vanilla starts today, weight to lose, dancing to learn and money to make.
No shirking
Vanilla.
Not so pleasant.
Trumping, railing and spewing. poor old hard done by H, driven from his living room and watching sport! Mind you he has nothing to rail against, he pushes and nothing pushes back anymore. H said " I am going out tonight, so you can have the house if you want".
Vanilla "have a great night out". H: grump.
Horrible atmosphere in the office because H has an attitude. One of the staff had an egg sandwich, and the "smell" was unbearable to H. H forgets that he smells of cigarettes!
H: there is a terrible egg smell, it's disgusting!
Me: oh I suspect it's the drains? ( I couldn't smell it)
Staff: I had an egg sandwich
H: it's disgusting (sneers and leaves)
Later
H: Ask them to not eat egg sandwiches when I am around
Me: you make that request
H: that's your job
Me: possibly
He was really unpleasant to one of the staff, she has researched and purchased some labels for us using her PayPal account and required reimbursement. H said "she was wasting his time" as he had to spend time to reimburse her! Staff member got 50% discount for us on the goods. H threw his toys out of the pram at staff member. I did ask if she felt he had been unpleasant and she said no, just very abrupt and grumpy.
Apparently I am woefully inadequate, and exceptionally unappealing too. Add incompetent and lacking in managerial ability and you have the full package.
We lost a client today as a result of H not responding on an issue, so I will need to make changes to ensure he has responded when he should.
Vanilla is a lucky lady, very lucky indeed. A couple of weeks ago a relief dentist took pictures of my mouth, thought they were of my sores and gave me Antibs.
Turns out they were soft tissue pictures and as a result it has been discovered that when I had my wisdom teeth removed (mid teens) a piece of packing was left behind. Has not caused any trouble until the molar next to it had an abscess and the infection has travelled into the old packing. Modern packing apparently degrades if accidentally left.
They have drilled the gum, removed the packing and washed everything with bleach. It is so very sore and painful. There is a new drain in it and I hoping that this will be the final set of problems over and done with. Dentist says it is quite common in 'my generation'. Not that this give me any comfort at all.
Why am I lucky? Well they could have removed the teeth and of course it would have made no difference. Also the infection could have spread, the protective antibiotics have stopped that. I could have been one very miserable suffering Vanilla.
Still a little more treatment and it should all be over and done with. Yippeee.....
Feeling very lucky
Vanilla
Hopefully that will put an end to the pain the your teeth having been causing you. If only all pains could be resolved with a trip to the dentist.
Hope the dentist has put an end to one of your pains at least !!!!
Take care. R d
Hi vanilla
Sorry to hear about h but I have faith in your superhuman vanilery abilities. Sounds like things may be coming to the end on the dental issues which is great let's hope it's sorted by Christmas super gal time or worse case new year.
Edz
How many GAL points is dental repair worth?
given the amount of pain its caused you its got to be at least 10
How many GAL points is dental repair worth?
Hey...any visits to the dentist makes it -100 GAL points because 1) it isn't getting a life 2) who likes going to the dentist?!!
How many GAL points is dental repair worth?
Hey...any visits to the dentist makes it -100 GAL points because 1) it isn't getting a life 2) who likes going to the dentist?!!
Depends if dentist is an RHC. Sadly mine isn't but ought to find one that is?
That would be gg like!
Vanilla
Look at the upside tho, drugs to remove pain. Gotta be a plus when your whole head hurts.
Looks like vanilla is finding another single dentist! Lol
I soooo glad they found what caused the whole drama without loosing teeth and have gangrene set in.
Vanilla,
I just read in another thread that you are in your third marriage with your current H. This made me curious about your first and second Hs. What happened to them?
H1 died aged 31 ( I was 33) married at 19. Love match.
H2 divorced M age 36 divorced age 56 (sep when I was 54) no passion from H since I was 48. Amicable divorce H had 'mixed' interests he wanted to explore but never did. Also business partner until he retired 2 years ago age 65. Friendship.
H3 M aged 59. Supposed to be a love match!
Vanilla
Wonka
Forgot to say H2 is now in another part of the world entirely now he is retired. So I don't hear from him or see him any more. I understand he is very unwell but he hasn't responded to emails. H2 is very dear to me as he helped me rebuild my life. H2 was a true gentleman.
I had a miscarriage and still birth with H1. We fostered
H2 never wanted children
Vanilla
Look at the upside tho, drugs to remove pain. Gotta be a plus when your whole head hurts.
Looks like vanilla is finding another single dentist! Lol
I soooo glad they found what caused the whole drama without loosing teeth and have gangrene set in.
Precisely, gangrene doesn't suit me. I prefer blue!
Vanilla
You continue to inspire me with your PMA and GAL. Thanks for being such a positive example! I look to your posts to be uplifted.
I need advice.
H came bouncing into the office.
The middle of the day.
Exchange
H: Are you going to E tonight?
Me: sorry I don't know where that is, or why I should be going there.
H: there is a dance on. I received a notification.
Me: baffled no, I am going to GAManon (in open office)
H: I would like a word with you please
Me: Ok
Short while later
H: I have decided I am not going up to see your family this Xmas
Me: OK
H: I have to let S and SOH know if you are going Xmas day. I donot want to see your parents now I do not believe it's going to be appropriate
Me: can we discuss this another time please. It isn't what I want in the office.
H: Well you have only until tomorrow morning to decide. I want to see my family this Christmas. I will not be going to yours at all this Christmas, so make your mind up.
Me: I will think about it and consider my position and advise in due course. I did agree last year to take turns, and it is your choice this year.
H: Well I do not ever want to go to see your family, so it is up to you what you do
Me:we can discuss this another time.
H: I am going to my BIL tonight it's his birthday. So it's not tonight then! You will have to tell me in the morning.
Me: Do you have a card for BIL?
H: I don't need one as I will be buying him drinks which he will prefer
Then he bounced out again
So fellow DBers more rubbish headed my way, I suspect.
Any suggestions?
I would really prefer not to do either at Xmas, I have an open invite to bffs.
I feel physically sick at this point although of course I knew it was headed my way.
Regards
Vanilla
Hi vanillia I am far from a vet but I would head over to bffs You need to enjoy Xmas and don't you think that would be your best bet ? If not chose the one that will make you happiest. I have read on here before that you really need to worry when WAS seems not to care. Your H seems to want to wind you up constantly. Detach and do what's best for you Again just my two pence worth
Rd
Vanilla,
You cannot force H to do something he doesn't want to do so set him free to see his family. Then you go and have a FABULOUS time. It'll help with your PMA that he might be a bit piqued by your mysterious activities.
Wonka
I am not trying to force H to do anything, he can go do whatever he wants. I think the boot is rather on the other foot. Come or go, frankly at this point I would rather he didn't visit my aged Ps. It is hard all the way around as my folks would like him out of my life altogether.
I am just trying to make up my mind about what I want to do, but what is so difficult for me is coming into the office in the middle of the day to make the point in the way he made it, and demanding an answer on the spot. It is nastiness and drama which I don't really want. Neither do I want to upset his family, who are lovely by avoiding them at Xmas. They are very dear to me.
You know Vanilla she will go GAL wherever she is. She will do what she believes is the best thing for all.
Bemused
Vanilla
Hi vanilla
Sounds like we've both had an, ahem, eventful day (go see my thread) I'd say what a. Does vanilla want to do and will make her happiest and the most fullfulled and b. What will maintain a PMA best (some meloncolia is allowed I think) you know those answers best already, go do it.....and wear a darth Vader onsie
Edz
I have decided on Xmas.
I slept on it. Got practical, decided not to be selfish and to do the best I can for all.
Will go to glam sis Xmas eve then aged Ps for the morning, drop in on fav cousin, then drive back in the afternoon and eve, call in on S and SOH and 3 grandchildren of H. Then early eve to bff and then Boxing Day with bff. That way I get all my presents, that is selfish. Now where is my Santa suit?
Will arrange today. Go with the flow on this, feeling better already.
Vanilla
Went to Gamanon new club last night for Xmas do. It's joint with GA so true fellowship.
Got lots of hugs from all including the gamblers. One gambler brought her daughter with her to introduce as D will be coming to our group. Gambler said the loveliest thing " I would like you to meet V, who turned my life around, V when you led our meeting you said, once I accepted I needed help (step 2) then I should be prepared to embrace it (step 3). Then it's a level playing field and until then I am only pretending to recover. You told me to get over it and get on with it. And two days ago I wanted to gamble so I rang my daughter instead and went for coffee. If I had gambled then I wouldn't be here tonight and again Xmas would be horrid"
D " you can ring me anytime mum you know that"
So DB does effect and leak, I am sure if gambler and D knew this, they would thank all of you. So from me thank you.
Vanilla
Saw the film mockinjay last night, wonderful experience. It was orange Wednesday,. All quiet on the western front today, h is off to golf early.
H was in bed last night when I got home, third night on the run. I think the alcohol was affecting him so that he is now tired and exhausted.
Tooth aches a little today, feels a little loose now the inflammation has gone.
GAL point score for the week:
Thursday work 1 pt
Friday work 1 pt meal with client 2 pts salsa night 4pts
Saturday drinks with client 3 dogs 2pts, elderley neighbour 80 bday 2 pts, dinner dance 4 pts
Sunday all day film fest with friends 5pts
Monday: work 1 pt
Tuesday: work 1 pt GAanon Xmas party 3 pts
Wednesday work 1 pt, film and meal with friend 3pts
Total is 30 pts
However wonks would award me minus points for two visits to dentist!
Onwards and upwards.
Hoping for a quieter day today.
Regards
Vanilla
Its a good job youve got those minus points otherwise your GAL total is just too intimidating for my competitive side
Your Gamanon meetings sound like a really positive influence in your life.
In reality Jim it's the 12 steps which is important. Once I decided to let go and release to the Higher Power, then stuff began to happen for me.
I began to understand that emotions are actions not feelings and then I was able to change. We only have space in our lives for one action (feeling) at at time and by taking action or even meditating then we change the feeling. Change the action, change the feeling- now I have much more control over this. Before this I felt that feelings were a given, in fact feelings are transitory and once gone they are over.
The higher power is love that is all we are and once we practice active love (giving of emotion rather than receiving) then we can see ourselves as a channel for that which is. Sometimes when dealing with a compulsive there is no need for a love bucket at all. My needs are met and I am love and my spirit gives love, its very releasing.
I know others find this a little new age, and obviously I am a child of the seventies (a little bit hippy) but it works for me. So GAL is the action which brings engagement and a change of state, brings us to flow and peace and back in balance. Decreases attachment and brings detachment.
I hope that I am explaining that which a 12 step program can bring.
Thanks for your observation Jim
Vanilla
Hi Vanillia, great post, and saving people about 600 stg / dollars in saved therapy sessions !!!!!!!!!
I'll say it again, you H is not the brighest blub !!!!!
Kepp posting as you are becoming a DB gandi / budda / place your own guy here.
Stay classy, RD
RD
Thank you for your kindness. If my musings save some $$ ££ or euros then I am happy, then when I rag about GAL Db'ers will have the dosh just to go do GAL. BTW that includes YOU going GAL.
Just saying
Vanilla
You go, Vanilla! Your GAL is over the top and I am LOVING it!!!!!!!!!!!! So proud of you. Thanks for reaching out to me today. I have been very busy and had a bit of a rough day. (I made a post on my thread you can check out at your leisure.) But, I am finishing strong and that is the important thing, right? Keep on keeping on, Vanilla. You are my hero!
Walks sexily Into thread,
Holds waist band of jeans out, here i will take your Euros! Lol striper style.
Tuck em all in, I could do with some shoe money.
Hey look it's all about passing it forward and helping others by our own stuff ups. I made some goodies.
Gg, I wish I could walk sexily into a thread! But my kick ass shoes are black.
Dawn I read about the job situation. Sounds like you have interesting choices, things are unsticking.
Lat night GA/GAanon evening meal at an Indian restaurant. Not my favourite but the food was very good. Impressed. Sat with the gamblers as the gam anon group all were in couples, but the gamblers were all solo ( apart from those in couples). It is quite clear that those with support stand a much better chance of recovery than those that don't.
One of the gamblers asked how H was, so I said you had better ask him, and another said he had tried ringing H to find out why he had not attended GA (more along the lines, I haven't seen you at GA for a while are you ok?) and H had told him it wasn't necessary as he wasn't a gambler any more. If H does not want the fellowship on offer for his own sake it's his loss. I am sad for him, he is in denial and not accepting of the damage done. I was very late back as I needed to wait as had an early glass of wine, (just one).
I am at a friends tonight, going to set up her stereo and have a few Xmas drinks.
No hot water this morning and I don't do cold (unlike HP; still don't get that). So it's deo instead and a lick and a promise. Why does men's deo smell like fly spray, well it does to me. Will go to the gym and shower later in the day. I don't want to come home tonight.
I have woken very late so putting the hot water on is going to delay me further, although I would like more sleep if truth be told.
Am aware that I am eating too much food and taking too little exercise at the moment. This has to change but my schedule seems to be all Xmas meals and drinks. There are drinks etc in the office today.
I overslept because I was tired, had that lovely pleasant experience of waking with a warm bed but cold air in the bedroom. I love all that in the morning.
Must wrap some presents, have been given some which I have not returned. Tons of cards to wrap too.
Vanilla needs to apply herself to work and exercise as well as the GAL! Less eating more action. Oh this bed is toasty warm.
Will get to it
Vanilla
so 6 months in how am I doing out of 10?
1.Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! This turns the spouse completely off! 7
2. No frequent phone calls to spouse.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to your spouse through conversation.....instead, you say good-bye first. 8
3. Do not point out good points in marriage or try to get him/her to read marriage books, look at your M pictures, etc. Especially, do not get him/her to read the DB/DR book. That is for you only! 9
4. Do not follow your spouse around the house like a puppy dog trying to get his/her time and attention. 10
5. Do not encourage talk about the future. They don't want to think about a future with you at the moment, so stay clear of that subject. 7.5
6. Do not ask for help from family members or friends. Don't discuss private matters with them that would upset your spouse. 5
7. Do not ask for reassurances (That is showing neediness and being clingy.) Show self-respect and self confidence. 8
8. Do not buy gifts to make "brownie points". (Can't buy his/her love and affection.) 7
9. Do not schedule dates together at this point. (That is pursuing.) Save for later when the R is much better. 9
10. Do not spy on spouse by checking emails, phone bills, etc. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.) 9
11. Do not say "I Love You" (It is being "pushy" and trying to make your spouse say it back to you......he/she will despise you for it.) 9.5
12. Act "as if" you are moving on with your life with or without them and that you are going to be okay. Keep a good attitude. 9
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! In other words, be the best you can be and look the best you can look at all times. Even when wearing jeans and T-shirt, wear good cologne, b/c it does cause the spouse to take notice. 3(tooth)!
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse to see what kind of mood he/she is in or what he/she is going to do or say – get busy, think of things to do. Go to church, go out with friends, etc. in order to get a life for yourself without waiting on your wife/husband.....but it is okay to invite them, just don't act as if it will change your plans if they do or don't go. 9.5
15. When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be rather scarce or with your words, but don't sound rude or too short like you are mad. If your spouse asks what's wrong....just say "nothing" and have a pleasant expression on your face. Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting. Use poise and class. This does not mean to act like you aren’t speaking, but don’t be overly talkative. 10
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK THEM NOTHING!! No matter what time he/she comes home! You are giving them space and asking no questions! You enjoy your time with your kids, friends, etc. Remember, you are getting a life, also. 9
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 7
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!) This is important! If you do, then you have blown it. 7
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. This can confuse some of them b/c it is not what they expected. Show your spouse someone he/she would want to be around all the time, somebody that can be attractive and fun to be with. That somebody is you! Don't overkill in your attempts to outshine another person your spouse may be having an A with (if there is OP in the picture) to the point of looking like your attempts are "fake" b/c your spouse will see through all of that. 5
20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while) so this takes patient on your behalf. 9
21. Never lose your cool! Don't let your spouse trap you into a fight. Don't take her/his bait.....leave the room or the house for a while, if you have to, in order to avoid a fight. 9
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic, don't over-kill; in anything you do b/c it will come across as fake. 7
23. Do not argue about how your spouse feels about something (it only makes his/her feelings more negative.) Only they know how they feel! 9
24. Be patient......very, very patient. Give your spouse space and time. When you pull back, it will draw them towards you. It feels opposite of what you want to do, but it works! 8
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Look them in the eyes when they talk to you. Do not interrupt them when they are speaking and stop what you may be working on to look at them when they talk. This shows them that you really care about what they are saying. 4
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out (or scream and yell). 9
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil). This is for your health's sake. 4
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. Read self help books, inspirational books or listen to tapes. They are for you only. 8
29. Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write. 6
30. Do not be openly show that you are "desperate" or "needy" even when you are hurting more than ever and truly feel desperate and needy. This is a large turn-off for your spouse. 8
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse, instead, focus on them. 5
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared. 9
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. 8
34. Do not ask your spouse if he/she has noticed your changes. Those changes are for you and for the rest of your life...with or without your spouse. If it is just to get your spouse back...they won't last and the same problems will return. 9.5
35. Do not send several TM's or emails throughout the day unless absolutely necessary. 9
36. It is best to stay away from the bar scenes where other problems easily arise. 9
37. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes 6
DB has been good for me, most of these were 1 or 2 when I started. Just shows what needs to be done?
I love a score card. Thanks Sandi
Vanilla, I caught a shout out from you on RPP's thread... I'll check in, but my impression of you is wisdom and self-awareness is happening and you've just got to move through this time.
But I'll read your threads more carefully and weigh in when I don't have kids buzzing around.
Vanilla,
I love, love the
Hunger Games trilogy!
GAL point score for the week:
Thursday work 1 pt
Friday work 1 pt meal with client 2 pts salsa night 4pts
Saturday drinks with client 3 dogs 2pts, elderley neighbour 80 bday 2 pts, dinner dance 4 pts
Sunday all day film fest with friends 5pts
Monday: work 1 pt
Tuesday: work 1 pt GAanon Xmas party 3 pts
Wednesday work 1 pt, film and meal with friend 3pts
Total is 30 pts
However wonks would award me minus points for two visits to dentist!
Yeah....you got that ^^ right. However, since I'm generous during the holiday season, there's extra credit make-up work for ya, baby.
You do love a scorecard - but i agree its really helpful and i do love a bit of analysis.
but seriously 9.5 for GAL - what more do you need to do????? and hhow on earth will you fit it in?
on 29. (the 180s) - you gave yourself a 6. any chance you could explain your thinking on this one?
hope your having a good day
Jim
Thanks.
9.5 for GAL, is losing .5 because I could do more effective or better GAL. In other words swap some of the stuff for things I like better. And I am not doing GAL gym stuff. I try and turn every opportunity into a GAL one, so I convert non GAL to GAL, it does not take more time.
#29 I am not consistent enough that's where I loose points. I flake on the 180s sometimes I don't reach the finish line. particularly if I am tired and it almost always is with boundary enforcement. I still leave H to occupy the house and he still does insufficient cleaning etc, but it's hard work enforcing boundaries. I still carry the load for our lives and much as I want to change that, I can only take so much spew per week.
When the house is sold I will only need to carry my own load.
There are others I am not particularly willing to work on either #19 and #31. I am afraid that if I do this H will feel he has the advantage again. I am not sure that i want to either, there are times with H and his control and aggressive behaviours I feel afraid, like I am inadequate and judged. H may consider me looking at him as a direct challenge in a primal way. Instead I project love and understanding from my tummy not my head. I try to demonstrate that I am more content when I am away from H which is the absolute truth. Sometimes, especially when he is drunk, he makes my skin crawl and I have been physically sick at the unpleasantness or maybe that was the tooth! I associate H and the tooth with enormous pain, but I am trying to save my tooth and my M.
The other heavily underscored items are health issues and that wretched tooth has set me back, but as per gg, corner has been turned and this is a priority.
H threw this into the family and friend #6 arena by his abuse and my family friends and family have made comments such as 'cut your losses', 'get out' 'we would rather he did not come along' and 'we will put up with him for your sake'. This is sad but I do try to stay positive., discussing issues in gam anon and here on the boards, where I can let loose with my sitch and supported in the actions I want to take, but some discussion with family can't be avoided.
In #8 I included the gift of time as well as presents.
As discussed in the DR book, this is a 6 month health check for me, a state of the nation so to speak. I like measuring things, it's part of the ADD tools to help me focus.
As always Jim you made me put my thoughts into order.
Vanilla
that makes more sense to me now. I'm someone who finds that the best way to order my thoughts is to have to explain it to someone else - the issue is that verbally they get the ordering as i'm speaking
There's a couple of bit i just want to pick up on but first off
I feel afraid, like I am inadequate and judged
This is awful, and I'm sorry that this is how you feel. noone should have to go through life feeling that way.
Instead I project love and understanding from my tummy not my head.
i'm afraid i dont quite understand this. could you explain please
I try to demonstrate that I am more content when I am away from H which is the absolute truth. Sometimes, especially when he is drunk, he makes my skin crawl
the way you phrased this threw me slightly and it might be my misunderstanding. If you were detached then you would be demonstrating that you are content irrespective of whether you are away from him or not and remember he doesnt see you away from him.
on my psych thing at work recently my boss gave me a really low score on my ability to make independent decisions, where as all my peers and reports (and other senior managers) gave me a really high score. when we discussed this i realised its because i act very independently - i only go to my boss when i have a problem or need a decision. this means the only thing he ever sees is me needing help with a decision and so that is his point of reference but not a true reflection.
The other thing to say is that at the moment my wife is not pleasant to me, shows very clearly (and says when she bothers to speak to me) that she is happier when i'm not around, when she doesnt have to interact with me. This is very VERY hurtful given that i promised to share my life with her and always love her, as she did to me. The disdain and contempt does not feel much less worse, if at all, than the betrayal of her affair.
I say this because i wonder if his perception of what you are projecting to your H is not 'i'm happy in these other activities' but instead 'YOU make me miserable and grumpy' and that makes him feel inadequate, may be even judged?
as always just my interpretation so i might be way off
Vanilla, I caught a shout out from you on RPP's thread... I'll check in, but my impression of you is wisdom and self-awareness is happening and you've just got to move through this time.
But I'll read your threads more carefully and weigh in when I don't have kids buzzing around.
Ditto, Vanilla. Exactly. I have all three kiddos at home today, and a lot of Christmas errands to run, but I'll catch up on your thread as I can. From what you post elsewhere, you seem to be DB-ing as solidly as any of us.
Jim
Thanks, the active love, projecting love from my tummy.
So this is how I do it. I focus my love from the external environment into my back. Have you seen the ad with Julia Roberts having sparkling threads attached, it is like that, channeling the love that I have been given into my own back then it pools and moves to my lower chest. I then project that love like arrows towards the person I want to know love too and then I stream that love. I know some do this from their head or eyes to another's eyes but that is too intense for me with H. So I become a conduit, the external for me is everyone who loves me and the goodness of the world. As I do this I feel really warm and calm, my stance softens and I am told I look really well.
http://www.fond-farewell.com/positive-energy.htmlIt is very hard to detach from a drunk, as they are often not in control and they behave erratically. H often approaches me when he's drunk and invades my space. I feel threatened whether or not that is his intention. He has also been know to spew in both verbal and physical ways. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes is something I find nauseating. H also seems to want sex at these times too as he forgets we are S. Nowadays I make sure I am not at home in these times and my door is closed if he is home later than I am. H rarely drinks at home now as I do not buy alcohol.
I can stay beautifully detached and am usually up phased until H drinks heavily then it is an issue, his behaviour is very concerning. I mainly disappear if I know he is going out for a 'few beers', and I really vanish if he is having a 'full on session'. You bet he can't see me, I am not there to be seen.
H can be around as much as he likes and I am Vanilla throughout.
I get what you mean though. Perhaps I should try and be happy around H no matter what his state or drinking. Show it does not matter to me, I am always pleasant to H if he is sober and not venting, etc. Regrettably I find that difficult if he is drunk and disorderly.
I understand the feeling that your spouse is unpleasant to you, but it does still show feelings of one kind, beware if W is indifferent (which is completely separate from detachment). I think WAS have such confused emotions that being absent is one way of not facing these. Civility is the minimum you should expect and l try and make this a boundary issue.
I truly doubt if H remembers anything when he has been drinking! Other than the fact there is no bread to make sandwiches or toast. And yes his drinking does make me miserable (not grumpy though) and projecting love does not have any effect on a drunk as all I am dealing with is the alcohol not the H.
Hope I have explained a little more and thank you for the feedback.
Vanilla
Vanilla, I caught a shout out from you on RPP's thread... I'll check in, but my impression of you is wisdom and self-awareness is happening and you've just got to move through this time.
But I'll read your threads more carefully and weigh in when I don't have kids buzzing around.
Ditto, Vanilla. Exactly. I have all three kiddos at home today, and a lot of Christmas errands to run, but I'll catch up on your thread as I can. From what you post elsewhere, you seem to be DB-ing as solidly as any of us.
Thank you, I am here for the long haul, so there is lots of time, when I have read your sitches through I can drop by and squeak a little!
Looking forward to your advice, will be very much appreciated.
Vanilla
Hi vanilla. I see y ou as one of the strongest people on this forum. Myou are very wise and kind. Your own stich seems to stem more from your Hs problems ( which seem many ) more than issues you actually have Your H perceives the issues are yours but as an outsider they defiantly seem to be his. You seem to be in control and BDing like a champ. I have no advice other than to continue what you are doing. If your H wants to work with you then he is getting one hell of a women and partner If he doesn't you are preparing for your new life Take care. Re
Hi vanilla
Owe you so much for the help and support and just care you sent this way, just shout if you need anyone to just straight out vent to. And don't for a minute think were not all sending that care and love straight back to you.
You just keep being you because you're fab.
Edz
My wonderful online DB mates, thank you for the care and support.
Jim for your ever enquiring mind and open questions which make me dig deeper.
RD for that never ending Irish belief that I can do my DB better and of course EDZ for his listening and humour.
HP if ever there was a man who had turned his thinking and his life around its you, the guy with brass ones! One of my heroes.
You are all in my prayers and I shall be projecting to you all.
Vanilla
Vanilla, you are so supportive for me and my sich. I wish I could help you like you have helped me. Just know that I am sending good thoughts your way and hope that everything turns out well for you. You are an amazing person.
- ship
Ins
You truly have brightened my day, it is delightful to see a young dad working to improve himself. One day, not very far in the future a struggling single parent will need your posts and you will be able to pay it forward.
Thank you
Vanilla
last 24 hours were an interesting mix
Spent yesterday helping a gf sort out her stereo for Xmas, drank some prosecco and stayed overnight.
Today with friend went exploring the shops for stocking fillers, enormous fun. Managed to fill my cupboard with tins of wild pink salmon and delicious chutney. Eating was good and no alcohol, it's my prep day to start full on health changes tomorrow. Purchased some protein powder and couple of shakers. (Vanilla flavour of course). I know it's an odd time to start a health kick, but no time to waist! (Deliberate misspelling)
Checked out a couple of shops for post Xmas sale bargains, sassy dresses etc which I would love at the right price. Had good company and spent very little, got H this favourite liquorice as a stocking filler. (3 packets). Found a lovely coat I would like if it's in the sale sometime.
Was going to go out tonight but will do ironing instead. DB as a session and some reading. I have True Detective downloaded, season 1 so will watch that. I believe it's very clever but dark and rather gritty. Will make a change from Christmas Tinsel films.
I have Jims long post to think through too tonight. Jim keep on posting your thoughts, it's very thought provoking and insightful.
I may rip some more CDs I have an enormous stash built up. Some personal grooming, a bubble bath.
Settling down for a quiet evening whilst H no doubt, will watch sport and go drinking. A 180 for me as I move to my health kick then I am no longer cooking the kind of meals H likes, they are going to be the meals Vanilla likes. Fresh fruits, vegetables, fish, curries, tagine and lots of fibre. Good quality poo food to restore and replenish my digestive health. Will try liquorice tea ala gg style. Tonight it's a sandwich with chutney, satsuma, rice cake and later some yogurt with munchy seeds (dry pan fried).
Am going to take salmon sandwiches every day this week and also have Salmon for breakfast. (Periccone style as my skin is very pasty from too many antibs). I need more water in my diet too. Coffee goes tomorrow and alcohol. (Not really a problem as I haven't drunk much over the last year, mainly because of antibs) but hey no point in straining the liver. Haven't sauna'd either because of antibs as its not permitted. Red meat is out too and anything white. Had already given up sugar completely, so no change there.
Today I am grateful as tooth did not hurt at all, not even the slightest little bit. The first weekend when I haven't needed to grin and bare it! Or is it bear it?
Am relaxed for once, tucked up in my bed, comfy cosy just musing with my DB pals.
Sweet
Vanilla
Good luck with the new diet vanilla - it sounds like a big change.
Half a day of dieting and it's going well.
Prepared a friends tax comp and industrial accident claim and she took me to lunch. A superfood salad! And I am really full.
I need some food shopping.
Was nice to H last night as he had put the clean sheets on my bed, so I ironed some of his stuff, t shirts and golf trousers and yes I iron socks and underwear too. If anything stands still I can wash and iron it! Shame wrinkles don't do that.
Office is in a mess, so it will get cleaned tomorrow.
I am overloaded with work so for the next few weeks probably fewer DB posts, it's our busy season but you lot are never far from my mind.
H did something very odd today and I am just accepting it for what it is.
He bought me some bed socks and a fleece. I have not got a clue why but he was very pleased with them. They are a lovely colour. Trust Vanilla to see the upside in anything. Perhaps I am a great granny, bed socks and a fleece? I really do need to loose that weight to get to be slim Van again. Just thanked him and he went away waggling his tail.
Was supposed to be going to 12 steps tonight but need a gym instead and sauna, last of the Xmas shopping too. So we will see. I have loads of work to do, presents to wrap and distribute so shopping, home and work.
It is our very busy season and not much is getting done, my head is elsewhere sorting out my M.
Focus Vanilla, focus.
V
Hi Vanillia, Maybe H has 'seen the light' and please no more talk of bed wear, there are alot of hot blood males on this site !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
take care RD
Bed socks are the done thing these days - age has nothing to do with it.
Glad the diet has started well.
Hi Vanillia, Maybe H has 'seen the light' and please no more talk of bed wear, there are alot of hot blood males on this site !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
take care RD
RD you haven't seen the bed socks, I could wear two pairs of gg red hot kick ass shoes in them and still have room for my Xmas presents!
I defy any red hot male to find that in any way appealing. I suppose there may be a bed sock fetish devotee out there some where. Here is hoping.
This won't work as RPP strategy.......
Jim gets sassy underwear, gg gets kick ass shoes, RPP gets bathroom savvy and I get bright purple size 50 bed socks!
Vanilla
I am curious does any one know what those flashing strange yellow emergency signs are for on the open forum lists are?
I thought to start with it was unanswered posts but now I am not so sure.
Vanilla
If you hover the pointer over it, you get the definition - a certain number of posts or views.
This won't work as RPP strategy.......
Jim gets sassy underwear, gg gets kick ass shoes, RPP gets bathroom savvy and I get bright purple size 50 bed socks!
Vanilla
RPP does not do socks in bed. Ever. Maybe kick ass shoes, but not socks.
This won't work as RPP strategy.......
Jim gets sassy underwear, gg gets kick ass shoes, RPP gets bathroom savvy and I get bright purple size 50 bed socks!
Vanilla
RPP does not do socks in bed. Ever. Maybe kick ass shoes, but not socks.
Precisely, bed socks need a new use, ROFL
Socks are not found in Edz bedware selection, mind you neither is anything else ...
Well nilla, I forgot to jump on a scale in a shop. Damn came back to fgm house and forgot to do it as hers after talking about it. My shoe collection jumped from 17pair to 20.
I think wearing socks to bed is like looking like your about to bolt! A bit rude imho.
Maybe he's hoping you will leave those socks out for him to fill as Santa?
My diet went south, in the city. Mcbreakfast, junk for lunch and more rubbish for t. From today forward.
Bed wear in this house like edz is a wrinkled set of birthday clothes,
Right, now were heading to cold shower territory :-)
I must be in the minority as I am a fan of bed socks. Maybe H is seeing the light?!?!?!?! Best wishes on the diet...good for you.
Can only think feet must get really hot though, doesn't appeal to me although since my feet are size 12/13 UK they'd be like the ones I just hung up for s on the bookcase.
All this talk of dieting reminds me that I hadn't mentioned I Managed to lose nearly 2 stone on the one meal a day (which is a lousy name as its no such thing) so far, still a ways to go though. Vanilla sounds like you're doing brilliantly well done and have a great Christmas :-)
Edz
Well done 28 lbs, 12 kilos, on one meal a day?
For me that would be an all day meal!
That's my whole goal, will be great!
Vanilla
Btw my purple bed socks would be too big for you!
Good lord first time in 40 years socks would be too big for me
Thanks vanilla
Edz
Nothing much to report.
Everything went as planned, Xmas eve with glam sis, xmas morn with Aged Ps travel for evening with H S and grandchildren.
A lot of travel but never alone with H and drink in the same place.
Avoided any long term alone time with H. Civil and cordial, even the exchange of unwrapped Xmas gifts. No sloppy cards or R stuff.
No abuse, ignored drinking and waywardness. Made H travel under his own steam to any journey he wanted and never collected him. Getting calmer.
Enjoyed my Xmas. Detached apart from a couple of personal moments and tears mainly to do with loss of the sexual side of an R.
Give H an inch and he will try to take a mile.
Diet has gone well, apart from a small box of matchsticks made of chocolate.
Only one glass of prosseco.
Lots of sleep.
Dropped a dish on my toes, toe nail is black, nothing like Jims foot though!
Some lovely warming Xmas stories around, Dawn RPP and Pink all being strong and sassy.
Some drama, Jim, Mozza and HP.
Some lovely Xmas with children, Ins and RD.
Some lovely insights MCS and Edz.
General Bon homie and wassail, my lovely gg, Lisa and Vanilla
To all of you DBers best of the festive, love into 2015. May all your bed socks be purple.
Vanilla
Hi. Vanilla. Thanks for all your help and advice. I hope 2015 brings all you hope for a deserve. Hugs and take care. Rd500
Thanks RD, best wishes returned x100
Today is going to be a difficult day. I face it alone with some dread.
Two medical events, minor open jaw procedure to remove drains and residue of packing left behind from when I was young. And the precautionary biopsy result on the bone to be advised.
The results of the bowel exam, although I am expecting the tomato soup incident (severe bleed) to be as a result of too much antibiotics. I also need to advise doctor I didn't take the antidepressants as I want to wait until after the teeth are resolved to see if that is a major cause of the blues. Vanilla isn't usually blue.
The world feels really flat, isn't this where having a loving spouse is supposed to be a comfort and support. It's at times like these when a real world hug comes in handy and I am so far from my loving family although of course I have some very loving friends nearby one of whom is going with me today. H is playing golf instead. I really need space from this.
I live with a man who only asks how much I will invoice this week! I am so looking forward to 2015 to leave this awful year behind me and in the past.
Ok, less of the self pity and onwards and upwards. I have work and I need a bath.
PMA Vanilla, PMA.
Gg .5 kilo down 73.5 kilo. At least something!
Vanilla
Vanilla, hope you're ok. The medical things sound awful.
Don't resist the ADs. You've got more than enough going on between the tooth and the H. The tooth thing sounds like it will take a little more time to resolve. Why not make your life easier for yourself till then? I'm sorry your H is so callous. And I thought mine was self-absorbed. Sheesh.
I'm glad you found good support. We've got your back here too.
In years past, the new year hasn't made much of a difference. But this year I feel so much more in charge of my life that I think it's going to be different. I bet that's the case for you too. Get your health squared away and zoom into an awesome year.
Best to you!
Thinking of you Vanilla. It'll be difficult, but I'm sure they'll sort you out. These people are experts, they know what they're doing.
Maybe we should organise an anonymous UK hug fest in somewhere central like Coventry or Leicester :-)
That's a plus, on the half a kg.
Ad I took for a while but the stupid things kept me stuck. Well IMHO they did. Thing started to get better faster without them. Once I had started to use them to sleep and re set me clock.
Maybe I was on the wrong ones.
Hi vanilla
Not a huge amount to add on advice, I was offered ad by the doc back in July when I was down in the pit I didn't take them as I wanted to see could I work through it, would it have been easier if I had taken them? I don't know, I worried it would shut me down too much but I suspect the right ones wouldn't have but I needed reasons to get off the posterior and go out to occupy my mind not rely on anything else, it doesn't mean anyone else should reject them though only the individual can decide based on advice from the doctor. Sometimes you do need something external to regain balance....mileage will vary
As to your day, we're all with you in spirit even if it would be intimidating if we all crammed in the treatment room with you ;-)
Edz
Especially as your about 6'4 Edz.....
I hope the jaw procedures go well and dont give you too much discomfort.
As for the A/Ds - I can see both sides, you've got a lot going on so it might be better to avoid unnecessary medication but as Maybell said it might make one thing a little easier and right now thats no bad thing
Take Care
I'm on ADs. I figure I'll take any help I can get.
Mind you I've forgotten to take them for three days now.
I'm on ADs, too, and found them to be an amazing help. I'm not one that normally takes meds (usually I prefer to suffer until I absolutely cannot, no matter what the issue is), but I've found them to be a real life saver. I feel more in control of my emotions and better able to cope.
I've been divorced before (2003), and the difference in the spiraling depression of a breakup without and with ADs cannot be denied.
Also, medications don't need to be a long-term solution. You can take them short-term to help you through the worst and stop whenever you feel like it's time.