Be cancelled! If your like me.
Or reconciled or what ever great event you make it.
My xh1 thinks there's a chance it could be with him, um no, you can only threaten someone so many times before they just say to bad so sad.
Previous eyeliner thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482275#Post2482275And the oldest thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2473991#Post2473991I still wear full war paint even when I get up at 4am, some days it's a little rough and the eyeliners not even similar but who cares.
Needed another letter for gun licence and when I get that I will sit my truck licence test. Still working on that.
This weekend horsey event including cow boys. At this stage we, bestie and me are going.
Well considering I had a day off all I achieved day time telly.
Dr phil, ugly and the stupid aka as bold and the beautiful.
Was shaky due to virus, ate a proper steak for tea plus veg. Fed the lamb, dogs and talked to the tenant who came to do sheep today. Oh did throw washing at machine, lets hope the machine has played nice and done it correctly, it has issues sometimes.
This week, tho the goal of filling the wheelie bin with crap has sort of stalled but sort of not, in the fact I have given some junk away and binned a small quantity. The place is starting to look much better. Yard still looks tragic, but it too is a work in progress.
Been thinking this week only a little over a week till Christmas, so need to cook puddings etc. might actually need to shop soon too. Starts planning another trip to the city.
Well there's a turn up, all the talk about the ow being gorn, was just that talk. Seems they both were seen by my bestie and sons god mother. Ow committed a social sin that I was guiltily of and hung out to dry she didn't even bother to say hello to my slim great looking bestie.
Bestie said I quote.
Mis proportioned, very over weight bad skin nasty no hello attitude. In fact she gave bestie what could be called a death stare. The pair of them Wearing what looked like "their old work clothes" for a day out in the city.
ow looked like she hasn't washed or bushed her hair ever. Gutter rat was a term used.
I however got a gift in my letter box as they past it I suspect this morning with ow in car he dropped off one of my smaller items of the no disputed list. Well about times he's had 2.5 months. That's pretty cheeky, I laughed on my way to drool over cow boys.
The hot one I've been looking at was there, and yes I even got to talk to him.
I'm so awesome! No anxiety really, bestie was there to rescue me if I made a complete Pratt, and I didn't.
Been out for coffee this arvo then dinner at besties place. Tomorrow interstate friend and I will go visit her mums grave etc. dinner at local pub. I have officially run out of weekend, it only Saturday. It's stupid o'clock here, nearly 1am. Poor lambie sheldon is staaaarving.
Puts hand up can I have another weekend before Monday please?
Ok, so my biggest detchment anxiety what ever you like to call it was tonight!
I walked into the pub (for dinner) past a gauntlet of h mates customer and ss25's friends. Tits up out and walking proud. Hot dress I used to wear about 9 years ago, my newest red shoes and bag. The waitresses wanted my bag loved my shoes want to know where to buy both.
I feel awesome.
This afternoon, went out with interstate friend to her mums grave. We called in at her parents old farm where she grew up as a child and her family settled as squatters. The owners wife was nice, I talked to her we hardly drew breath, small talk no anxiety. She mentioned cow boy I wanted help from and said if you need his help ring him and ask.
So you know what nothing ventured nothing gained I suppose. Will try one night after work.
The goal is now to meet one new male or female friend to join our dinner every Sunday. I need to be me, and a recluse was never it. I need friends, I used to be easy to talk with and make friends. I need to hone those db skills and validating habits.
Well, seems I have travelled quiet a ways, I've been helping one of my friends with work drama. In the past I would have encouraged her to confront the issue head on while angry.
Instead I loaned her the dance of anger book and advised her to read it and look towards a strategy and longer plan than just one event. To solve the longer term issues at work. To work towards a longer game with more lasting changes in a calmer more thought out way. The day before I had explained some of the events and things I had done on my db journey in such a way to get myself into the position I am now without comprising to many non negotiable things, like good behaviour, grace honour dignity.
Still been getting comments at work from heaps of people about the whole dress thing, before I was unsure what to say, now my comment is
"Naughty girls never tell! " with a evil mysterious glint.
Then talk about heading out with mates also vague references to "visiting people" etc. I think living in a very small town it's important to remember that people will talk and make stuff up so the less actually said the better.
Also had a long term casual aquaintence say my large weight loss has inspired her to get serious.
nice but I'm not sure she should look to me as a role model. Her life at least on the out side is far more successful, than mine. I'm normal ordinary and very much human.
Big weekend planned the tables booked for the Sunday night dinner at the local. Going to real town tomorrow. Not sure what else is n the plan, but it's forecast to be hot.
That all sounds really positive and its really good your able to use your DB knowledge to help a mate.
Mysterious will always fire up the imagination in a small town. I like it, its intriguing.
Enjoy your big weekend
Bugga, I think she's going to bail. She hasn't found time to look at book or even open it.
She's now saying " I'm looking for another job! That's it it, it's not worth it" sigh I tryed.
I seriously tryed and she would find the whole thing easy she's so Much further along her development than I.
Some people cut and run. Thats how they deal but That's their choice
I'd be really happy with your response though, like you said it shows how far you've come.
I better get my book back, I don't like lending stuff like that as often people don't want to admit they haven't read it so, they hang onto to it.
Maybe I shouldn't have offered help. Fixing its a bad habit to be in. I'm not sure why I even feel compelled to help except she has been really great with every piece of crap that's gone down in my life. I thought I was repaying something. I'm guessing not.
Ask holes. They don't want help they just want to continue to ask.
You wanted to help - absolutely nothing wrong with that. Id say its a good thing to try and help people.
It sounds like it might feel discouraging though
I found that I try to 'fix' which meant I didn't really listen. So for me that's what I think I need to do more of next time someone comes to me with a problem.
Yeah, I see my part. I rushed in although I offered help, she had to do the work.
I think she could also feel its pointless, something we are all familiar with, the don't think I can do it fear!
The f word again, the fear.
I had a chance to ask a bloke out, I let fear stop me. Dead in my tracks, the anxiety the feeling I used to get before I vomited. Something I did for weeks after bd, came and I bailed. Totally.
What can I do, well I can help build her up, same as she did for me.
That I can do. Nods uh huh, I can.
I know that one well. That fear and the one of rejection that goes with it has stopped me my whole life and now cost me my marriage.
Would you believe that my anxiety means I have never asked anyone out in my life (seriously.... never)
I sooooooo want to be done with that one.
Well jim, just do it, I gave out my number once and heard nothing back. Turns out the guy was an ar$$ with 3x gf at home, but thought he qualified as single!
My friend says maybe they are waiting for you to ask them out. I as a woman tend to think men need to ask, if your being open friendly and flirty. As would you like coffee? Regardless I would say yes, in most cases.i
It's Nice to be asked.
Well, s16 stuffed me round, I said hey I was doing a special for you and waiting round for you.
Please folks sit down, he apologised. Via text. He also came home nice as pie and grabbed bits to head out again all weekend.
I also had to toddle up the paddock to grab hounds who escaped when the tenant was trying to yard the sheep. I walk almost as good in high heels and a dress in the paddock as I do in town. In fact I think better!
Tenant got his wish of see the hot dress and heels!
these outfits are becoming more famous than me.
You've got to be able to pull off an outfit for it to become famous so youre doing something right.
Well lets just say low cut large assets!
Blokes don't know where to look and they just get a silly grin and a funny babble happening!
Bugga, it raining and cooler, much cooler.
No dress for dinner tonight I doubt. Does a happy dance tho as my water tanks were on critical level so the sound of water pouring in
. Perhaps the inside delcutter will continue and the wheelie bin will fill this weekend, after all.
Well it was cold, and the mate of mate make who's been having a very tough time with his break up, didn't come. We did book for 6 and say we thought we would have 8 but alas wasn't to be. I still had a really good laugh trying for selfies without old ladies double chins, tears and aching cheeks all round. Her teen daughter was hanging her head in embarisment and saying I don't know these crazee people.
No dress as it was damn freezing, hawt jeans tho. Didn't win any $ or prizes.
There is to be roster changes at work, but now we are doing the regular Sunday dinner, I'm telling them no Sunday night. Period.
Oh seems the truth does out. The interstate bestie who I havent really talked to since her vist for her school reunion said one of her * cough *old bf is from the ow town. He has had a problem with her, even tho he's happliy married she decided she wanted him. She cause him and his wife huge drama.
Oh and the reason for her long term r breaking up, was some bloke she got caught having an a with, funny tho he must have been my h twin same name, exactly same hobbies, same job how co incidental!
funny that I seemed to already have know that piece of news on some level.
Now it doesn't hurt, but it makes me feel like a huh, it wasn't just in my head. Her and I had a really good laugh about karma coming round.
So in all my weekend was awesome. Looking forward to this week as the roster change might bring me closer to the hawt cow boy! Lol
I think I need to practice not choking while trying to chat him up!
Glad you had a good weekend.
Well rosters are out and as expected my days of being hawt and dressed well after work is over for now.
I have late evening finishes.
no point to get gussied up.
I will however take clothes, well the hawt cow boy from the past he comes In Friday night, so effectively I will getting paid to socialise with him. Now only if we can go out for drinkie poos
after work Friday.
Sunday night dinners are safe, work no Sundays. Jumps up and down.
At long last gg have reached the end of your thread so posting to keep track.
I am a blonde: hmmmmmmm vanilla by name and by nature. More moonlight than sunlight. Good job the blonde is going silver!
I imagine you in a sassy little number with black boots and a big recycle bin with OW upside down in it and you shovelling in your throw always.
OWs like this move on PDQ, as soon as the mask slips then they have to do it. It appears she has the history and if I read your thread correctly replaced by another identical twin. Damaged souls on a roller coaster of drama. Not even worth a thought, thoughts of such are suitable for the bin. She is not good enough to use your old toe nail polish clippings. You inspire me to that Xmas outfit with the full glam.
May your bin be full
Vanilla
Well that was a damn fine Friday.
Hawt cow boy came in, got to chat but even with some pretty broad hints, he just didn't take any bait. I really tryed, asked if he would help me with the horses, but he gave me another blokes name as a recommendation. Sigh fail.
My mate said why the hell didn't you say "but x ain't single" doh buts head on desk.
Even tho the dresses after work have been out for ages got pulled up with " what do ya call that? "By suprised male customer. Known him for years, he's never ever seen me in a dress., so what did I learn men are dense and slow. ;)and I am too subtle.
Although my mum and other used to say subtle as a house brick to the head! So lesson be less subtle.
Will book dinner for tomorrow night, today, having a rest day today as poor bah lamb got his bottle at 1am again. Got to work 3 days next week then about 15 in a row off. Counts 15! Which is good, hair touch up Friday next week.
Seems my latest round of new jeans are too big, bloody hormones have returned it seems thus due to "that time" and peeing no stop for a week clothes are falling off me.
Oh last nights number low cut high waist, organza skirt floaty and hot pink, pink shoes.
Can't decide for Sunday nights outing. Oh and hawt cow boy came in while I was on shift and not in my fine dress! Sigh.
As for manky, nods yeap, she will walk her sop is about a year give or take. Meh what ever Trevor.
Chooooo chooooooo! S16 is going to the local car event today h will be there. This could get interesting, s16 says if h approaches give he has a history of assaulting him s16 has threatened.
I don't care mum h gives me any grief me an the boys will head butt him! Lets hope they don't!
You go gg. PMA and a fighting spirit.
More shoes than Emelda Marcos and all kick ass heels. It is very true that the world plays tricks on us. The sexy guy will show up just as we've spilt spaghetti on our best T shirt. Or the mascara runs in the rain.
Head butt, sounds like sweet revenge, but there must be a more subtle way to exact it. Of course you, looking great and having a good GAL will make H reel.
Will it be the red or the pink?
If you got gg flaunt it.
Tons
Vanilla
Well went withe he 50's peony roses dress, pink heels, pink bag. About to leave.
S16 did not bump into h phew!
I was concerned that there would be violence.
Seems there was a huge 18party for a mate which involves now a hangover and grumpy attitude. Hence child has crashed in bed.
I'm off out, spent afternoon at mates place her h is hawt cowboys 2nd cousin.
wow, so there a nice recommendation.
While hawt cowboys wife spews venom about him said he was cheating. Actions say otherwise. He's sole career of the boys as his wife has a 30yo bf!
gg
You are an inspiration, thank you for the encouragement to go GAL, I did and I had a brilliant time.
Kick ass brown and gold shoes with big in your face glitter earrings and necklace.
Brown-indigo trousers and blue sparking top. Not low cut though, more than a standard British handful, so will need different style frilliies with lift and staying power. I am more Bette Midler (what a gal) than Grace Kelly (so serene) so need very strong upholstery otherwise the matron look.
Am thinking of Briget Jones big knickers, Spanx by 3 for the giant economy thighs. As they say though doesn't get rid of the flab: too busy passing it round.
Yesterday, I started my campaign as suggested.
Thank you gg, thank you
Gratitude in large doses over the board
Vanilla
Toying with wearing red shoes to a funeral tomorrow. It's likely h will be there.
Nice silvery flower pattern in cream bak ground, dress looks awesome with those heels. Not sure tho if red at a funeral might be too much.
Yes, I can manage cemetary in those heels. In fact I manage heels better in the rough/ paddock than I do on concrete.
Toying with just phoning hawt coy boy, hyper ventialtes.
Procrastinates till tonight when he might be home. Yes, I'm gutless. Hangs head.
Oh a while ago I bought Kim kardashin iron undies, aka as step ins! To hold it all in place!
Nice browns and golds can be so pretty. High maintenance
vanilla
Red or not?
Would the deceased look down smiling? If so go in red heels.
My condolences by the way on the bereavement.
Is it too soon in the game to ring RHC (red hawt cowboy)? Only you can know, recommend leaving it if ringing will damage your chances. Otherwise, do you know if he is interested, is there flirting and cuteness?
gg don't lose confidence in LRT. Keep it light and breezy. Assume RHC is single?
Tons
Vanilla
He's single, I tryed last week to ask him in a nice way to ask him over to help with horses.
Combined interest. Yes there's been flirting. He was one I'm sure I mentioned getting me getting caught openly checking him out at work. He noticed I'm sure.
I have a legit reason to call. I have some young stock to move on if things don't work on the current plan. I'm not sure if it would be freaky.
Small town I have known him from afar for years, in person only since my job brings me in contact. Last year or so since his wife left and he now shops.
I'm uming and arhing.
Deceased is a bloke youngish, had massive health drama all his life. Neighbour more obligation to neighbour rather than friend. It will be fairly large I suspect. Lets see if its hot tomorrow.
Single, RHC, checks you out, you check him out, you have a let out if he doesn't or isn't ready to flirt some more.
You have a number, you have fingers, you have a phone and you have kick ass heels that you are going to a funeral in.
What are you waiting for?
gg really? What is the blockage?
Vanilla
Oh, you know normal ones!
Like
I'm a big fat whingy whine sookie la la!,
Turns yellow and sighs. What the damn he!! Is wrong with me, these things used to be easy.
Once apon a long time ago I could ring a stranger talk for an hour and end up with a new friend providing we had a legit reason to talk.
Often horse talk.
Gives self a swift upper cut.
I will not let " mr I'm a crazed dork" tell me my life is over. Chants..... I will not allow others to set the tone in my world.
Well now you have Vanilla returning the gg PMA and she thinks you are great. Repeat you are g r e a t
You gave me a couple of kick up the butt lessons
Now it's time to repay. Put those red kick ass heels on and use that itchy dialling finger........
If you had said H is my barrier, instead of usual stuff, then that would be a reason to delay. Courage gg I am here cheering you on if you need it
Of course make that call when you are good and ready
Vanilla
The whingy whiney is me trying to get up my courage and sound light easy breezey.
I'm not sure how ill go. Might try tonight on my mobile.
It's funny my h used to accuse me of having the a in the r heaps for years. Now I still find it tough even tho the anniversary of bd is only a short couple of months. The whole drama started in jan. so only short of 4 weeks.
Why does it have to be sooooo hard?
If it were easy, we would not be here and learning!
Dearest gg I await a detailed description of call. However it goes.
Celebrations if ok.
GAL encouragement all the way.
Vanilla
Nasty storm on way home. Wasn't going to try to ring anyone. I also thought hc might be at funeral? Perhaps. Oh and go ggrass work that crowd, I've been chatting up hc mummy, doesn't hurt to have her think your very nice. She dresses very nice, and now I know who she is, that has impressed me. She takes pride in her self, very much so.
So also just had another discussion with s16. Supposed according to him, I'm the nutter crazee woman. Both him and his father agree! Sigh, not again, I'm not speaking to xh1.
Ever. Ever ever ever ever.... Runs screaming s16 seems to have warped ideas, which include romance with his dad! Um nooooooooooooo!
Ain't happening. Ever. Bit concerned, s16is trying it on with really trying to bully. He has been warned if he lifts a hand next time, he's out. I've just had enough.
S16, sounds like button pressing? I have a friend who says teenage boys should be put to sleep at 13 and only woken aged 22.
Smile, and let buttons remain Unpushed. In fact hide buttons in closet where S16 can't find them.
Sound like RHC mum is classy bodes well for RHC.
Which kick ass shoes?
Tons
Vanilla
Well, s16 has deliberately not gotten up for school after last night.
His attitudes was like I told you I would attend every day last week if you allowed my to go out with mates. Now I don't want to go, I'm telling you I'm not going and it's your fault.
Mmmm so his actions this morning lazy still in bed. A boundary was set you don't attend you will be sent to board at your fathers in town. Looks like he's packing.
Is this a good solution for S16 to go to his dad's?
Vanilla
Well I now had a melt down First one in ages.
Got a letter from the L. Not looking good. H has twisted everything into its ggrass fault made me sound awful by being the original one to try to r! Oh and h said I didn't look after my own child ever, so I'm up for bad mother of the year award.
Oh he has also made out every argument of large proportions to be a speperation.
S16 at his dads, well it will be touch and go, he dad is weak as water! Hopefully he can attend school every day.
I did however before I read the L letter, ring the rhc.
Not sure he's even gunna be my friend. He's too hurt, he did say he would talk again. He's suffering from major anxiety. Snap
His xw has filed a mental health watch against him 3 months before bd. he's suffering real bad, the fixer in me went Into over drive.
I also totally get where his head is how he got there, and how similar our xs are.
The positive he was nice he talked for ages. He took my number, I did say call if only to chat. It's nice to have people with the same t shirt on your side. I did tell him location and time of our Sunday social dinner. I told him feel free to turn up anytime.
I did explain its only script, she needs to make you Into the bad guy to leave a dad who wanted full custody of 3 boys.
I wore red shoes and looked awesome at the funeral. I love my red kick ar$e shoes.
Afterwards I went and saw my friend she was awesome in the early part but things got tough I snapped at her and I knew at that point to preserve the friendship I had to pull back. I have started to rebuild the whole friendship. While not discussed I'm pretty sure she has forgiven me.
Still a bit up and down on The five min cycle! Rolls eyes.
Chants he will not control me, it's my choice not his.
And that my db friends while its not pretty is where things are at today all over the place
Have a $hit house day.
Last nights me couldn't sleep. Rinse spin repeat. Wash rinse repeat!
Heads pounding. Attitudes far outed and rhymes with fire truck! Kicks dirt...
Tempted to ask accountant out to dinner, just because I damn well can, sigh. I can't even find my texting finger today.
S16 after telling me he had packed all his stuff and it was unlikely he was coming home demanded money for the weekend camping trip. To which I said I'm sorry but your weekends not my drama now. You moved out and said you won't be returning. So It not my drama at the moment.
Also s16 didn't keep up his promise of attending school each day. So therefore it's a no deal. To his food for the camping trip.
gg
This is a very tough ride indeed. H exaggerating and interpreting in his own way and for his own benefit. It is bluster and bums rush, flailing in the extreme. Unfair and unwarranted. The only thing I can say is the courts generally see straight through this and over exaggeration on one thing if established will mean everything he says is called into question. These judges and adjudicators are not as idiotic as we imagine. Just because it's on paper doesn't mean it's valid, it just seems more 'real' if it's written than said. Like its permanent and true, but actually not.
It is very hard to work through and extremely hurtful. Think of it in the rubbish bin or flushed away, his words and hurtful behaviours. although we all contribute to our own sitches, some reactions exceed the imagination. There is an expression we use in the Uk, "what goes around comes around". Meaness and lies poison the soul of those that do the action.
This and the behaviour of your son will be part of the down day, guess he's just a teenager, will a teenager brain and raging hormones to go with it.
gg, this is just today.
Tomorrow is a new day with new hopes and beginnings. Rest dear one, and allow yourself good food and a little tlc. High maintainance you.......
I imagine you in your red kick ass shoes at the funeral mending bridges with your friend and head held high.
gg, I saw it, I mean IT, the dress that is going to change my life, that body hugging, multi coloured dress that will make my Xmas super special. You know IT. In a quirky little boutique near Oxford Circus in London. As a result of you, I bought IT!
Will report back on first wearing, now where can I get some red kick ass shoes to go with IT?
Maybe gg could send hers for me to borrow through the thread.
Will think about RHC, but I guess it's the start of a campaign.
Rest well
Vanilla
Btw
I am an accountant, and blonde!,,,
What do you call an extrovert accountant?
Someone who looks at your shoes when talking to you.
Why did the accountant not become a lawyer?
They couldn't take the excitement
Vanilla
Ok so I could hardly sleep last night, but h lawyer has done an awesome job for me. I never mentioned the relationship. I db that with my laywer.
He has said all the reason why no settlement is entitled, but it's totally wrong.
He has given me the ways to disprove h. Completely utterly and easily.
Some of my evidence while undated it is written in h hand. At worst he can discredit the time it was written but the content um no.
Damn happy trigger finger...
Rhc, his refusal just made him more attractive because of the way in which he did it. Then the damn laywers letter showed me in not ready for the sort of r I feel I want with him. I did explain to him I need friends to agin a male perspective in my life. Not essentially a boy friend.
I didn't ask the accountant out, because truely I feel no attraction and I feel dishonest to lead him on. I'm finding middle ground tough on that score.
By last night I was flirting and being ok with customers, but I nearly passed out several times just being so damn tired. Didn't sleep much again, but the mind was working the rebuttle out, she will be a doosie.
As for your dress vanilla I love bright pretty colours. Can you add a link?
I would loooooooove this one. So many pretty 50's dresses.
http://www.beserk.com.au/ladies-clothing/dresses/purple-rose-floral-collage-on-cream-lady-vintageWent back to my early goals and that helped me get back on track. Not that I shared them here, I'm unsure why I didn't.
When I was shattered and I could not speak, a goal was to greet every customer with hello and good bye.
The second goal was be witty and cute make em laugh, smile feel special and want to come back. This was modled on a work mate who left, she set a great example for me to aspire to.
Those I cannot speak to I make sure I wave and acknowledge, even if I cannot leave what I am doing to speak to them.
My gut feeling was these show caring loving spirt in a non threatening way.
Wow, where did today go.
Spent all day working on my answers, they were long and emotional. Needed to db down to facts and short. Takes a while to know what to leave out and what to put in.
gg
I think your answers as just fine as you write them.
Would love you to update us on your goals and how you performed on them, To my mind your thinking is correct, these are generous outgoing goals, but could we know about your goals for gg? are these as generous?
How is S16?
Have a terrific thanksgiving.
Vanilla
Dress would suit me too.......
Will upload link, need laptop to do that.
Oh dear the last few days have been a huge backslide.
Not eating, not sleeping, something in my head just snapped in a way and triggered me.
Is the best way to describe.
A flirty joke exchange mmmm I started to take personally, and stuff fell out it was blurted and things I never meant to just kept coming.
I'm really annoyed. I let the snarky biatch out just a tad and she run a marathon.
It led to a sort of boundary /relationship discussion with farm tenant.
I hope the air is clearer and we are now totally on the same page.
On my side I feel better knowing, while jokes are made he doesn't intended to cheat on his wife. He hates cheaters, and revealed that h cousin is indeed dateing ow again after only being caught out for the third time about 18months ago, by his wife.
So what did gg learn, well
I need to work on trust issues and fear issues. Mainly the fear of never being able to trust men any men in any sitch not do the right thing.
And while I'm detached from the man my h was, in that area I feel nothing really and he doesn't affect me in person.
The past is and what was done to me. Goal to detach more.
I need to work on those negative nasty tapes h installed in my head that often pop up.
The farm tenant has been Mirroring compliments about looks and dresses, I think he had already known some of what was revealed and was trying to build my confidence.
The happy goals are the road to this, putting my self out there and doing it. Phoning the rhc is great because even tho I nearly wet my pants I did it.
Dinner is another, just confronting those people who h thinks will support him with his laywer.
GG,
I'm sorry you are having a difficult day. I can relate to the text exchange gone wrong- I got sideways myself a few days ago. Totally embarrassed the way I came across.
You can love and trust again. Time. Patience and try to keep you heart open (difficult I know said woman with a 16 foot wall built around her:)
Sending you a hug!
gg
It is one day. A holiday stressful day.
Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is a kick ass shoe day.
Leave the fear of tomorrow in yesterday. And start afresh.
I know what you mean by tapes and feeling that you may never be able to trust.
I have learned by reading threads on this site is that this human condition affects us men and women equally and there are some really wonderful caring individuals who are travelling this journey. It is truly heart warming and part of my own higher power. Part of my link to the energy of life. A life force that gg has inside despite the trauma.
gg is strong, but she is allowed a difficult day.
((((Hugs))))
Vanilla
gg, I'm sorry your day was tough.
GB is right. The ability trust will come back in time. We are all so raw and guarded, and justifiably so. It won't always be this way.
Sending you hugs, gg.
It's ok today I worked for farm tenant.
I got thanked. It was really nice day working with his whole extend family, children and wife. Hot farm hands good humor loud music and no pay I feel ecstatic energised and so much better to see normal humans interact no h way, which is becoming more apparent was abuse and very unhealthy. It's hard to explain exactly h way, but there is always a big act, brought out when visitors and people were around and totally another when home alone.
I got back far more than they got. Far far more.
It's just I had no idea that the trust issue was soooooo big. I thought it would only effect me in a r. Not friend types as well.
Hey h will not keep me down nor will I let his crap stop me. It's his crap he unloaded on me. Some how I need to just pack it up and throw the whole lot out.
Pub day tomorrow. Red shoe day.
Trust.
You would think this would be on one by one basis, trust this with that, don't trust x as far as, y can be trusted with etc.......
But it blurs, the wet paint of distrust tars more than just one relationship.
We have to remind ourselves that each situation, each person is an individual. I think we understand this empirically and idiologically but in practice we react.
Sounds like you had a great time with some empathy. Gg I am glad you are energised.
Red shoes to come tomorrow.
Tons
Vanilla
Yeah that's the dress. Real Xmas stuff
V
Very pretty and a very flattering style vanilla you have good taste.
Ok well similar taste to me. Been mulling stuff over and while I have written a 4 page response to h brief it never happened we broke up constantly etc.
I think I will have my laywer write back briefly out lining we have text from h that can disprove it all going back 2 years medical record etc etc etc. letters from him unfortunately undated but meh. My story stacks up far better as the truth always does.
He is being very very foolish. He's is just flapping his gums and digging himself a huge huge hole. Also a friend who saw how bad he treated me and s16 in such a controlling way is going to write a sat dec with his own words thrown in there in quotes.
She feels strongly that people should take responsibility for what they do, h does not unless it suits his end. She is x police, x corrective services.
Oh dear saw h little bestie sitting outside where we go to have dinner, with all his friends.
Please note he was alone. I walked in a really hot number complete with kick a$re red shoes and looked hot. As as the script states h mate was soooooo guilty he could not even look at me he looked down and to the opposite side.
The look was pure guilt, he knew the affair was going on and he covered up stuff. He is also a devoted Christian. I could not be bothered to say hello, but I did however stand up " tits up out and walked on ward with pride!"
Yes it was a tad low cut. I am so high on that feeling, I have nothing to be ashamed of but they sure as he!! Do. I was alone but focused on walking to the other end where I went straight to our table.
I have had the most awesome weekend. Really awesome.
Glad to hear you had a great weekend, Ggrass. I've been following a long but don't have much to offer as I've not yet had to face the lawyers etc. It sounds really tough but you seem like you are ok all things considered.
gg
This is the gg I envisenge so much, building her life with pride. Dressing to kill em dead.
You may remember our princess Diana, well she might have done some things a little off beam but she did kick ass after Charles announced his adultery.
http://ecosalon.com/now-then-the-statement-outfit/That is the same spirit that gg has.
Delicious
Vanilla
Some of the thing we Do say so much by action.
The second I saw h bestie I flexed shoulders back grew an inch and held his gaze.
I appeared confident, after the anxiety hicks of this week first time in ages it was big.
I think the actions said " f you! And the horse you rode in on."
I lift my cowboy hat to you
Vanilla
Glad to hear you had a great weekend, Ggrass. I've been following a long but don't have much to offer as I've not yet had to face the lawyers etc. It sounds really tough but you seem like you are ok all things considered.
Well to be perfectly honest I have had major anxiety and several big melt downs this week. Nearly vomited a couple times first since April. It's more about me than about him.
I am truely not sure of if it was possible would I want to r. After all those major things last year the fact he cheated as well. He sees nothing wrong in his actions and never could acknowledge that a messy house is not the same as the whole assault child.
He considers messy house a sin, if its my mess hitting a child is a mistake.
Being late a sin, yelling abuse a mistake in the heat of the moment.
Me working past set time because things get late is having an affair, he disappears to the coast near ow he's angry.
I deserve better.
Oh last night coming home from dinner late after dark it was funny having to wake. Whole herd of sleeping cows so I could use my road. Gal is hard when you have to wake sleeping cows and their babies! Lol
I need ideas. Her lawyer said they would drop the false restraining order in exchange for letting her keep the money she stole. Should I ? Is it extortion in Pennsylvania. .? Six months not a word spoken. It's like we were together and not. Most say move on but something in my soul says hold on persevere. Between the db dr and relationship rewind I have so many tools to have a great relationship. I feel like Scrooge I have seen the future and I don't like it.
On legal stuff I would count on your L, it's what you pay them for. They speak for you they work for you. Make them earn the $.
Apart from mediation I haven't seen h in his words in passing. Very distant. He sends his bestie to spy on me.
I think it's funny.
rolls eyes school boys stuff.
gg
What is bestie spying for?
Makes no sense, to be a stooge, does Bestie have no pride?
How long have bestie and H been friends? Are they related in any way?
Love the fact that you had to chase the cows away. gg your spirit makes me smile.
Vanilla
Pfa lawyer is great. Divorce lawyer is worthless
gg
What is bestie spying for?
Makes no sense, to be a stooge, does Bestie have no pride?
How long have bestie and H been friends? Are they related in any way?
Love the fact that you had to chase the cows away. gg your spirit makes me smile.
Vanilla
No idea what he's spying for, but he's guilty in His actions. He doesn't drink was sitting in a bar, the first time. this time sitting out front with soft drink, both times alone. He hangs about close in our shop near where I might be over heard. Before I thought it an accident but now I'm suspect. No relation, h and bestie actually remind me of h and w odd relationship. Bestie is married at his first marriage break up he lived with h and his first wife. Odd very odd.
He is mentioned in h legal statement with hints he will stand in court to testify against me and the r!
I have gone over my reply to his statement and one of the major events h talks of as a break up I can prove did not happen when he said. Immigration doesn't stamp random passports.
Sent reply to L getting her to draft letter. Sending photographs of evidence to support my statement a bit later on. Oh and h lawyer has some facts on file due to deaths and estate wind ups! So my lawyer can tell his lawyer he has it on file already and we do not need to supply documents.
I'm actually enjoying this very very much, now post melt down.
Pfa lawyer is great. Divorce lawyer is worthless
Find another d laywer, you pay them to dance your tune. Simple.
Quote my friend "they are your mouth piece."
Oh bestie or someone use to tell my h I was flirting and chatting to hundreds of bloke with whom I was affaring with, while at work. I did at the time suspect the bestie.
I suspect they are looking to see who I'm seeing. The fact h was seen in local supermarket shopping with long distance ow and looked guilty and ashamed when my sister sprung him makes me go meh!
My thought is h wants to jettison ow and is waiting to see evidence I have a new bf. he's hiding behind a woman.
Wish bestie didn't morph into beastie
Was poisonous bestie whispering horrids a when you and H were married? Could this be a factor, you said you never cheated so what is beasties angle?
Do you think bestie has an other than honourable interest in either you or H? Did he ever make moves on you?
Your observations about H are interesting and I am wondering how you came to the conclusion about H and the jettison. Is there hidden Intel or is it just mind reading?
I have quite a lot of questions as it seems strange to keep an evil bestie as a friend.
Vanilla
I know. I've been without a home for six months while getting looted. There is nothing to make me fix this marriage. Get a life and last resort show improvements but when wife declares marriage dead for me it is dead.
Not one conversation in six months. Hard to believe I was even married at this point. Everyone says move on but I can't completely close the door
Some one was most defiantly according to h telling him that I was doing the wrong thing.
H only has one very close friend, bestie is odd ball never hardly speaks seems to be a watcher and very socially akward. Bestie is the sort you can feel watching you to be totally honnest he creeps me out. While I was always friendly I didn't always feel comfortable.
No never made a move on me. Given comments h use to make about besties marriage. how bestie moved out from wife for a whole year and h helped who would know the truth. H is a proven muddier of the truth.
Some of my obs are mind reads and educated guesses. H does exhibit paranoid behaviour at times. H does appear to be a narcasistic soul. He and bestie could be both narcs hence they find solice and comfort in like minded people.
Had my sister remind me of h actions in the r. Very narc, just reminded me how low down h priorities I was most of the time.
Went out yesterday got stuck having sheep camped on the road, then when I came home late cows again sleeping with bubbas on the road. Poor lamb got a late night feed.
Had horse chores today and I noted while dealing with young ones they reacted completely differently to me, my confidence or feeling of anxiety are way less. Yearling had much more confidence with my handling of her. Even tho she has next to no training. I should have been dealing with her at bd, but my head or heart wasn't in it.
Dogs raided the kitchen while the farrier was here rolls eyes. More mess!
At least they don't need dinner tonight.
Might do more handling of yearling tomorrow and do some assorted fencing. It rained a bit so ground is soft and I can bang some posts in where needed. Might even wash the car and do heaps of washing since water is in plentiful supply.
I know. I've been without a home for six months while getting looted. There is nothing to make me fix this marriage. Get a life and last resort show improvements but when wife declares marriage dead for me it is dead.
Not one conversation in six months. Hard to believe I was even married at this point. Everyone says move on but I can't completely close the door
Then keep gal and lrt. They need to really come round, I suspect she's half hearted about her turn a rounds.
Mine hasn't remotely come round, so meh! In fact he keeps hammering home how he refused r! Even in his laywer statement.
Who cares who refused, his statement reads like a whiney she was nasty to me, it's her fault.
I just refused his statement with evidence. Like his statement of deaths and break ups. Wrong years wrong times. Wrong length of times.
We haven't spoke in any merit since march/April. The whole down slide anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. With bd being 4 weeks behind that.
I know. I've been without a home for six months while getting looted. There is nothing to make me fix this marriage. Get a life and last resort show improvements but when wife declares marriage dead for me it is dead.
Not one conversation in six months. Hard to believe I was even married at this point. Everyone says move on but I can't completely close the door
HJ I put some comments on your thread, it would be lovely if we knew more about your sitch so that we can be more helpful.
Vanilla
I will look in jim.
I cant say I can offer an hopes for success, in my case he has never contacted me since bd, unless I contacted first. when I applied sandis rules he doesn't contact.
I haven't seen any thing or anyone connected to him in months. Last conversation was April, before Easter. When I went dark, I refused to answer 2 phone calls he now insists I never answer his calls, he never leaves a message.
The calls were made to my home while I wasn't home, he refused to call my mobile.
The only change I see on the outside is his mate suddlenly is turning up at my work when he hasn't been in for months and he's turning up at the place we go to dinner sitting in a bar as a non drinker. Both things are odd and out of character mate acts guilty and Is unbale to speak to me in any way. once when cornered mate said hello. Both events have happened since L proceedings started. H had also been driving by at times when my son was waiting for the school bus in a clients car.
I am moving the L stuff forward as I want a clean break if he intends to stay with ow, and all evidence says this is so. I have my sights set in rhc for now, as a friend, as he has divorce issues to finalise as well.
I needed a quiet day, but I worked with the yearling again.
I'm impressed, she is listening, processing and I have great control over her feet even without a rope. The ic wanted me to get out and work with the babies and said horses can show us our inner power far better than ic.
She might be a tree hugging, left wing, alternative life style, , raving greenie but it seems she might be a tad bit right too.
The timing I lost, the confidence I lost it seems to be coming back.
To me the whole handling youngsters was natural second nature and at no point did I need to think about it. It just was, then it wasn't I didn't have "it" any more. It was me for 25years, omg that makes me sound old. Breaking training handling its all a process.
It seems my self was lost watered down in a way I cannot explain and returning in a way I cannot explain to you folks out there either. I was pathetic, in fact at times beyond pathetic. The switch has flipped it's been moving I didn't notice but now it's just flown like a wheel.
the create mystery is just happening effortlessly. I have my lines
Naught girls don't tell. When questioned.
I'm going out "pause for effect " oh well just with friends hedging people assume there's a man.
The attitudes showing, although there has been the odd melt down and knee jerk. The war paint and dress make me far more confident along with the weight loss.
The whole picture is vastly different and today it feels vastly different to even a few moths ago.
I adore my gg and her attitude of naughtiness. I am going to the naughty knicker shop and going to get some skimpies. Wont cover the cellulite but what the.......
I just realised that I left my iPad at home and the last internet page opened was Jim's Xmas selection. If H snoops guess what he will see?
You got it. Guy power.
For once I hope he does. Snoop I mean, that would be a riot. How would I know. Might leave that as my home page to make sure.
I think the skills of our trade are only temporarily lost when we disappear into the depths of LBS (or equivalent). They come back as soon as we recover and the joy in finding these anew reassures that we are on a new path like the Spring unfolding after winter.
Much joy
Vanilla
Actually in my case since 2011 my mates have been complaining about "not being me"
Of not being remotely happy and sounding dressed despondent and a 180 of how they all knew me. How withdrawn, it was all self protection.
It was such a slow decline I did not see it or feel it. It was one of h complaints, but head so many. Mostly negative spew pretty much a gritstorm like mr gritty.
Constantly being called vindictive unforgiving nasty bitch w#^# accused of affairs.you name it he said it. Hiitting the child and all those other things he did just iced the cake while he blamed me for his short comings.
He very often ok so all the time put me last on the pecking order some,thing his w1 complained about, also he hands out punishment like another of the mlc husbands after he did something to hurt you.
if you complained stood up and stated its not ok you got punished. He is telling every one he's doing for the ow those needs I needed all that time. I suspect to punish me, except i don't feel punished I feel happier and healthier.
Like others on this board I cannot return to what we had, he is unable to won his part. Even in the settlement.
Vanilla Norty kickers in a vanilla shade! Whoooot whhooooot your gunna be smoking.
Snickers snorts coughs splurks coffee on the key board!
These ones they are so you vanilla called vanilla ice cream!
http://www.expressmylingerie.com.au/edible-underwear-bra-vanilla-ice-cream.htmRuns and hides behind the fridge.
Ducks a tomato and crys oh my cheeks hurt.
As a aside norty knicker and slinky cool outfits do change your whole attitude.
And boys and girls you control your attitude.
self protection can make us do crazy things but it can also make other people do crazy things as they react to it. It also makes it difficult to distinguish the real complaints from the spew (before and after BD)
Hopefully your friends are seeing more and more of the old you coming back and you certainly seem to be having a positive influence on vanilla, (and an interesting one on my work attire)
thats all good and his loss
Seriously jim life is meant to be fun.
You don't get out alive you know.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WdEoputkE98Thought of this old clip but funny as serious!
I bought 2 sets of the vanilla!
I will let you know how it goes.
Vanilla
Now all we need is mr vanilla to be hungry!
At this rate this threads gunna die before next week, let alone Christmas.
Just had the best session with the yearling. Spent 10min and accomplished more in 15min than I ever did with any foal in the last few years. I just could read her, I used technics to put her where I wanted her and just made her think I was the biggest baddest meanie so she didn't turn her heels to my face and kick me again.
Which happened when I was at my lowest. I got the rope on her and the drench down her neck. All in 15min. No sweat on either of us. Then Once she complied I let her out of the yard and walked away.
Great stuff. They will leave soon. I love having the young ones, but I equally love when they leave home and start life with bgp.
Another brag, I got a letter today in the mail.....
~ jumps up and down finally
I'm now officially a gun toting gg! I notification today I can pick up my gun licence and s16 gun.
So I didn't want the licence I'm far from over the moon, but it is exciting for the fact I'm getting to do my truck test next week.
I want our truck as part of settlement and I need a liecnece to drive it even if its only a learners, I cannot wait to see h face when gg drives it out the drive way.
He will spew no doubt, in fact I suspect he will think I'm not licensed and try to get me pulled over. I never had the truck ticket as that was h job, he thought I needed him and he was irreplaceable in that respect. It was a joint thing.
I cannot leave my knickers out but boy I can drive "his truck"
That will be in your face ms gg moving on without you. Ponders driving in heels lol
Toying with buying a pretty fancy shotty like any old ma and pa have in the far south!
Gg
Moving on. Driving a truck. I am in awe, I see you as a definite heroine of the old west.
Nearest I can get was driving a double decker bus around a skid pan for charity, many years ago, with tons of others of course. But that was once only although I have thought just recently of becoming white van woman.
Don't drive in heels though, over here in the uk driving in inappropriate shoes is considered a factor in dangerous driving. When you are pulled over then the delicious victory of it need not be tarnished!
Loving it gg, loving it!
Vanilla
The whole driving in heels was just more the character and vision it will create.
I need to study a bit today, so I'm in a good place to pass this test. It's more about what the truck and licence represents.
H thinks that I need him for that role. He doesn't think I can do it, or will do it as before I never got around to doing the test. I wanted him to have a role that was his to feel he was needed. I suspect he felt Insecure and wanted to feel irreplaceable.
It's in a way an action, I don't need to say anything. I don't need to wave a badge or make a big song. It's just done, I used to be better at doing before he made me think I was worthless.
Same as going out for dinner, my friends do it for a social outing and to make sure I'm eating at least one decent meal per week. I'm still forgetting meals, but it's fun too.
Dressing nice, going to effort make me feel like I'm doing something.
It is a wonderful action, speaking louder than words.
Gg you are so strong now in your recovery, seeing more of what you want and need. I have such a wonderful vision of you with your young horses and truck running you life in your kick ass heels and low cut dresses.
You haven't spoken of s16 for a while, any news on that front?
Vanilla
Well funny about that apart from I love you mum now buy me credit for my phone.
I got a text at 1am, this morning, can you bring my dog in to see me when your coming to town.
I texted back your 2 weeks are up. He has credit and so now is ignoring me. I will see him tomorrow and try to sort stuff out. If he's not coming home he's of an age, I cannot force him. He won't be able to have his dog, so as it won't stay put in my yard it whines all day and night and cannot be trusted not to nick food constantly, might be re homed to a mate.
He wants dog but hasn't spent any time with it in nearly 2.5 months. Not fair on the dog.
We had dinner out and another mate came had a drinkie with me. She is going to join our dinners with her son (who seems to have also given up his tes%#^* I'm sure you can work out that means man bit,) in a recent break up before winter, so months and months ago.
What's with all these men who do that, you own them guys not the x!
Wore a new skirt well I bought in 2003 or earlier and never wore it. never had the right top, but now have several. Soft pink skirt dark top heels to match and bag.
There was no spy out the front, but as is the way with small towns, the local gossip was there. She made some comments, wow you look awesome, the weight loss, the outfit.
Pretty sure I almost made the front page of the local paper, well in gossip circles I have.
At least I still have several more outfits till I have to repeat one i can start mixing it up as well. By then I might have some others that fit, if not the op shops are just waiting.
Missed a couple of days with the horse due to rain, oh and there seems to be a lack of bull poo or bs, the bulls have gorn AWOL. I think same for a couple of fences crossing the creeks too. Mare that's foaling soon is still intact. The lambs doing really well considering how far back he started.
Rumour is the new roster is now out of date so even tho I haven't worked a day of it, it more than likely going to change again, before too long.
Shows a cool head and no expectations work. I didn't want the newest roster but it looks like that by being flexible it's going to work for me. I have the hours so they can shunt me based on experience to the shifts I want.
Go meeeee! Go meeee!
Runs In its late folks but not nearly pumpkin hour at which cinders is left walking home with mice!
I will never really walk again, swirls around swooshing shirts and tripping over heals.
I gots me a red hot truck license, well a learner permit. Gun licence is being sent in a few weeks.
There a tree in fence issue, and thus the lack of bs and AWOL bulls. Got kidnapped by my oldest bestie, had to help her finish a couple of her jobs. Only thing is heels aren't the best to help mop floors in and skirts get tangled up the rollers of the mop bucket.
And yes I did the whole hike up the skirt and tuck it in to the nickers trick, but the skirt was asymmetrical so epic failure. She did want pics but I thought evidence might just get us in trouble.
Bestie and hubby are coming to Sunday dinner so this week I thought I might have to stay home as our regular crew can't come seems we will actually have more at our table than ever before.
Found a few more documents for the L, this just keeps getting better and better.
You crack me up, Ggrass! You sound like a real riot. Good for you.
Oh and seems salmost17 still loves me, yes he needs money.
How did y'all guess?
After a back and forth I got sick of his crap and let crickets take over.
Tomorrow I think I will text, as school is now out and your in town perhaps get a job.
Seems all his money that he was saving is spent. Rolls eyes funny about that.
On the plus side your son isn't covert about his contracts.
Salmost17 can the money thing wait until his birthday or Xmas. Maybe he needs the cash to buy gg a present or two!
Love the idea of the lunch thing.
A friend from gam anon got angry at her H as he had spent all the cash on gambling but complained about the lack of food, particularly meat. So she made him a curry with tinned cat food and watched him eat it. He said it was delicious.
Apparently does not work with dog food, cat food is better quality!
I mention this as she felt her revenge was sweet, but I am betting yours is better.
You seem to be getting all your paperwork sorted to slay H in court.
What kick ass outfit do you plan, or will it be real demure belle time with lace collar and cuffs, pale pink lipstick.?
Tons
Vanilla
I doubt salmost17 is planning Christmas presents. That has not been mentioned.
He wanted credit for his phone and partying with his mates. I think he's been buyin ciggies which would explain $20. He is in a position to get a job. I texted him and took the postive thing that he had already been job hunting but his replies say he hasn't been. If he really really wants a job I'm pretty darn sure he can get something.
Even dish pigging for cash at the local Chinese restaurant. He's been in town 2 weeks.
Oh rhc, come by work this morning. We chatted he seems happy to see me. Mind you gg as over flowing with happy and kept tripping over my holiday wrap up. I got dragged off by the boss.
Light breezey flirty. Lets hope he's back later in the week for his regular visit!
I think I need a new outfit thinking tho I must include red shoes. I doubt h will want to air all his dirty wash out in the open hey?
Looks like some of the help issues have been solved.
Just solutions fell out of the clouds in my lap!
Oh dear that was h statement about ow! She just fell in my lap.
It did tho. I might have a guest over Christmas and help with the horses and stuff. With another person here I might get focused and we might achieve some of the things that's needed to be done.
"Oh dear that was h statement about ow! She just fell in my lap."
Wow....so she just dropped out of the sky? And he was sitting right there...Amazing!! :-)
GG, you really got this whole business of detachment. Seems you will be better then you were for long years.
You go girl. The L stuff should be hard, and expensive. But it's all worth if you get all you deserve and more for the painful times.
I wonder if I can do the red shoes, never did. Like boots and they are normally black.
Need to learn with you Gg, how to be a girl with a spirit.
Luck to you!
Pink
To be real honnest, there was discussions with bestie and her hubby.
She summed her an I up as strong fun women who can do anything we choose. To men we are seen as together independent, louder and quirky in a scary way. We tend to scare em off.
Her hubby disagreed he said boys and weaklings will be but men who can stand up meh!
Seems there's a shortage of real men who can get up and lead. I am tired, xh he wanted to have everything done for him. H well he thought he got to decided and control everything from what time you got up, your free time and where you went in between. Why can't anyone lead and support?
Seems I've never owned red shoes before and seriously I thought I would hardly wear them, they would only go with one dress I bought them to go with.
They have fast become my faves, and red goes with much more than I ever though it would. Blue and dark dresses, lighter white dresses red and black higher than I would have worn for years, since my 20's but with a thick solid heels I'm very stable in them.
I do have a knack of being able to walk in heels in the paddock and be fine, stick me on concrete and smooth stuff I can fall down dead no problem. The dresses and shoes is about making me feel good. The really make me act, walk and feel different. To be honnest I tend to turns heads, something I never noticed before. Perhaps just the fact I've set the bar higher by being dressed at a higher level. I like to think it is the fact I've been trying to include regular customers in small chats recognise them wave from afar make an effort even if your funny about your day or share a joke.
Oh an I earlier culled the shoes to 17pairs. Most of them were op shop purchases, less than $10 each over the years.
gg
You inspire me! I wore my Xmas dress today at the staff party with my black over the knee boots and red hair tie. Still can't wear lipstick though as just putting it on gives me pressure on my tooth.
I also look funny eating from one side of my mouth so generally I have soup or custard. Savoury or sweet lumps.
Your besties H sounds a real gem and grounded too. I can just see you all laughing and joking. He is largely correct.
My H made a comment about one of his potential OWs that "she only really wants pipe and slippers, that would not be for me". I was tempted to say something inappropriate about cigarettes and golf shoes but thought better of it.
A cull of your shoes, an interesting description and I am wondering what a collective of shoes would be called? A walkabout of shoes?
I am finding it interesting that you talk about H controlling your behaviour. Was this a feature in your previous relationships? What about his?
Kick ass gf
Vanilla
We might need a new thread soon,
xh, he wanted to be looked after. He thought his role ended when he finished work and after this he could retire to the couch. THat nice stuff would flow his way and it did. Gg made stuff happen, but he hated gg having a life and interests. He refused to look after our child when he wasn't working to allow me to do productive things, like taxes and take 30min to walk for exercise.
Xh felt he was having the child dumped on him. 11years later he has decided he has a responsibility.
H wanted to know every thing, control, things how what where and when we did stuff.
He would agree or push me to do things he thought ok then complain with bitter bitter resentment after the fact.
Things I bought for our joint hobby ended up in his shed and now as his property. Joint property is also his. As there was no r no joint anything. He even had the hide to talk in his statement from the L gg asked to r and I refused!
He wanted to tell me what time to get up, what time worked for him to go to bed. I put up with it more and more as I was trying to make things better. H thought was if some one really loves you they will be as accommodating as they can to change as you need. He expected his needs to come above every thing.
The L statement is a relationship talk almost from him.
Bit tired today. Just not firing as sparky as normal.
H used to say I had more shoes than a centipede. To which I said I won't stop until I have enough for a millipede.
Well that went down hill a bit. Felt like I coulda fainted this arvo.
So I decided to just before quitting time, practice me chatting up skills. The thought process was well if I'm scarey to blokes maybe pick the best looking dude that comes in and ask him some questions.
And as has happened so far, it just happened one of the gym junkies came in tonight. So I a just asked open ended questions.
Where do you work? Etc.
yeah I have talked to him before often but it was funny to see him do the whole double take.
At times a bit stilted but all in all, he sort of asked questions back, which was a bit wow. Often customers chat but not like they are interested in you.
Had another bloke just say " well it's not like you could go home sit on the couch and do nothing husband kids.... Life! "
Gg quirky reply "nup none of those at my place and the child just packed his bag and shot thru too, easy to lock 5 dogs and a poddy lamb out side"
Que crickets! Mmm must have over shared. Oh well to bad so sad. Maybe time for another thread kiddies.
Oh the only thing I left out about xh was he drank his family drinks and both his brother and sister were alcoholics. He was in his was too.
He doesn't now but if he had one drink in the past he wouldn't stop till he threw up most times. He could buy a carton of beer and not stop till gone.
The one thing that continues to astonish me is that when I read other people's threads about what their H was like I find myself thinking 'Wow - I wasn't that bad and there are good women who want these guys back still' depending on my mood that leads to
Hope because I'm not that bad so W will come back
Despair because maybe I was that bad and I still don't get it or
Confusion because actually this is way more about my W
Anyway GGrass your description of your H really pushed this button for me.
Good work on the flirting, I'm doing more of this in general but I'm not great at it yet but I just keep telling myself what I tell my D3 'practice is how we learn and its fun to practice'
Plus you get to see that startled rabbit reaction when you get it wrong. They make for much better anecdotes.
With the guy who said about the husband maybe an over the top response like
'Its not sitting on the couch I had in mind, especially now I have the place to myself'
With the right glint in your eye that'll get a reaction at least
Hi GG,
You sound good, and seems you having some fun with all the flirting. In the past I did that after ending a R with someone I cared deeply. The only thing is that the more I tried to flirt, the more empty my heart felt.
I am not saying it's what is happening, but be careful. We often lye to ourselves so we don't feel the hurt no more. You still sound very angry with H.
If this is all a new phase in your life and you feel you are moving on to it then it's probably great, but it is a way to run from your issues, then it will hurt more down the road.
Can you tell us you are really happy moving on or are you really sad trying to hide?
Hugs
Pink
The thread will lock soon.
The simple answer is not simple and depends on the day. I would like to date but so far no offers and I think like the rhc I'm not in a space for serious people and casual one nighters isn't my scene.
Who knows my om might just fall from the heavens directly Into my waiting lap, just like the ow did for h.