MLC and patience - 10/22/14 05:21 PM
I am so glad I found this site and the book. Although, I am in the thick of things it is really helping me to get through the rough moments. A little about me and my situation...
I married my best friend 12 years ago. I am 41 and he is 48. We have two sons 9 and 11. The past two years we have had our ups and downs. But, I have always subscribed to, "we will get through this and grow." This past March my H told me that he loved me, but not like he used to and wasn't sure he wanted to stay married. I did all the wrong things, I started to cater to him and ask him how he was feeling about our M once a week. Then my resentment set in, he wasn't trying at all. I would get upset and tell him I needed my needs met to. This probably happened once a month. In April we found out he had prostrate cancer. Part of me thought this was going to make us stronger. He had his prostrate removed in July and I was sure we were on the right path. But then I starting feeling resentful and he started shutting down.
I began going to a therapist because I was just sure he was having an affair and I needed to work that out as I was obviously projecting my fear. My therapist starting pointing out that my husband sounded like he was suffering from a MLC. The symptoms I have seen, started working out hard core two years ago. Became body obsessed. Became increasingly unhappy with his job. Developed a temper with our sons, he was always very good with emotions before. Started snapping at me. Shut down all communication when it came to serious discussions. I am sure there is more, but I won't bore you.
Last week he told me that he loved me but not the way I wanted him to and that we should have some space. Once again I did everything you aren't supposed to do, crying, begging, pleading, etc. which made him even more clear that he did by want to be married.
I immediately started researching and reading. Learned all I could about MLC and techniques that could stop divorce. He hasn't let and I have made sure I don't talk to him about anything serious anymore. He is very depressed, but won't admit it or get help. It is hard because my sweet wonderful husband that used to hug and kiss me all the time, wants nothing to do with that. We have fun conversations and I am always laughing and smiling. I have started schedule bucket list items for myself, something I needed to do even without this situation. I am making a big effort with my sons and making sure they are ok.
We are going on a family trip in two weeks, so I know I have to be very strong and not move to move to my bad habits. I have a constant dialog with myself and remind myself he is still here and he still seems to enjoy my company. I am really focused on me now and when I do get upset, I try to determine the underlying reason rather than just blaming him.
Hopefully there are several DBs that have survived MLC and that I will be one of them.
I married my best friend 12 years ago. I am 41 and he is 48. We have two sons 9 and 11. The past two years we have had our ups and downs. But, I have always subscribed to, "we will get through this and grow." This past March my H told me that he loved me, but not like he used to and wasn't sure he wanted to stay married. I did all the wrong things, I started to cater to him and ask him how he was feeling about our M once a week. Then my resentment set in, he wasn't trying at all. I would get upset and tell him I needed my needs met to. This probably happened once a month. In April we found out he had prostrate cancer. Part of me thought this was going to make us stronger. He had his prostrate removed in July and I was sure we were on the right path. But then I starting feeling resentful and he started shutting down.
I began going to a therapist because I was just sure he was having an affair and I needed to work that out as I was obviously projecting my fear. My therapist starting pointing out that my husband sounded like he was suffering from a MLC. The symptoms I have seen, started working out hard core two years ago. Became body obsessed. Became increasingly unhappy with his job. Developed a temper with our sons, he was always very good with emotions before. Started snapping at me. Shut down all communication when it came to serious discussions. I am sure there is more, but I won't bore you.
Last week he told me that he loved me but not the way I wanted him to and that we should have some space. Once again I did everything you aren't supposed to do, crying, begging, pleading, etc. which made him even more clear that he did by want to be married.
I immediately started researching and reading. Learned all I could about MLC and techniques that could stop divorce. He hasn't let and I have made sure I don't talk to him about anything serious anymore. He is very depressed, but won't admit it or get help. It is hard because my sweet wonderful husband that used to hug and kiss me all the time, wants nothing to do with that. We have fun conversations and I am always laughing and smiling. I have started schedule bucket list items for myself, something I needed to do even without this situation. I am making a big effort with my sons and making sure they are ok.
We are going on a family trip in two weeks, so I know I have to be very strong and not move to move to my bad habits. I have a constant dialog with myself and remind myself he is still here and he still seems to enjoy my company. I am really focused on me now and when I do get upset, I try to determine the underlying reason rather than just blaming him.
Hopefully there are several DBs that have survived MLC and that I will be one of them.