Why no divorce after 21 months - 09/27/14 12:34 PM
Hello everyone,
This is my first post, although I have been reading many for some months.
My wife and I were married for 14 years before she left me. I realise like so many people have posted on here, I had issues, but obviously so did she. We had a blissful life, financially sound, no children unfortunately, but we had a loving relationship for almost everyday we were married. She is, and was, a fantastic, generous, and loving wife.
Then in December 2012, all that changed. Our first argument in 4 years led to me saying some very cruel things. I won't go into detail but the night before my wife said things to me and dredged up history before we were even married, it made me feel worthless. Unfortunately, the next morning I tried to smooth things over but she rejected me. This caused me to react very aggressively by saying some very regretful things. Obviously, I wish I didn't say those things now.
She left and didn't come back that day electing to stay at her parents. The next day I went to work expecting her to come home and collect her things and leave for a week or so. She had done this previously when we argued, which I put down to her blowing things out of proportion at times.
She did collect her things and then rang me to say she had left. To cut a long story short, we communicated for a couple of weeks and I genuinely felt we were working toward her coming back home. During that time she stayed with her sister, brother-in-law and their 4 kids in a three bedroom home. She was also travelling 1 hour to work and back. This was putting unnecessary pressure on her, which led her to demand finances etc.
We ended up splitting the bank account. She became more and more distant and by New Year's Eve I couldn't deal with this anymore. I called her, after not being together for Christmas, which killed me. She told me she wasn't coming home and was leaving me and would file for divorce.
Months went by and eventually she sent a solicitors letter requesting financial settlement. It took until January 2014 before she pursued it. I was expecting divorce would follow soon after, but it has now been 21 months since she left and nothing to date.
She sent me an 8 page letter, which I believe she took at least two weeks to write. It came as a surprise to me to receive it as she never said anything about sending one to me. At first it started off sounding positive, how much she loved our lives together, missed certain things etc, but as she went on it became viscous and aggressive, even vengeful to some extent. Upon reading it I contacted her and asked her if I can reply to it, which she agreed to. I felt it was my only way to communicate and open up to her. She later sent me a text message to say she would not accept anything from me and would return it unread if I sent one to her. She even said not to contact her again, which since last October, I have done exactly that.
In December last year she arranged for all her personal belongings, which amounted to cook books and a few bits and pieces to be collected from our home. That's all she took aside from her clothes. Not even a chair did she take.
Our financial settlement occurred in January this year. She didn't take me for anything other than 50% value of the house.
So she could have filed for divorce in December last year, but nothing has occurred yet. I still pray everyday that she will open her heart to forgiveness and reconciliation. I don't dare contact her because I want her to take the time to decide whether this is really what she wants. I hope and pray she hasn't given up all hope for us, maybe this is why she hasn't filed for divorce as yet.
I would be very pleased to hear your opinion on why she hasn't yet filed. I won't. One of my priests told me "it's a sin to murder, but not to be murdered." So from my. Point of view, I don't want to divorce, I want to rebuild our marriage, I still love my wife as much as I did the day I married her if not more. I miss her dreadfully, and life hasn't moved on for me. I still have all our wedding photos up on the walls, still have photos of her and I around the house. I don't see myself with anyone else, and frankly, not even interested.
It's amazing how so many people keep saying how lucky I am to be free. If only they really knew what it is like to lose your soul mate, best friend, lover and wife. I realise a lot of people, especially males, would use this as an opportunity to go wild. I am using this time to understand me, what went wrong, and what changes I would and can make to make my wife happy.
I dread the day I receive divorce papers. She told me there was no-one else, but I am not so sure. I can't believe she would have left everything for nothing other than independence and start all over again. This year she turns 40 (November). I wonder if she thinks about life passing by, no children as yet, etc. I pray and have faith God will see it fit after we have both worked out what we have done to contribute to our marriage failure to bring us back together.
Regards,
Sad me.
This is my first post, although I have been reading many for some months.
My wife and I were married for 14 years before she left me. I realise like so many people have posted on here, I had issues, but obviously so did she. We had a blissful life, financially sound, no children unfortunately, but we had a loving relationship for almost everyday we were married. She is, and was, a fantastic, generous, and loving wife.
Then in December 2012, all that changed. Our first argument in 4 years led to me saying some very cruel things. I won't go into detail but the night before my wife said things to me and dredged up history before we were even married, it made me feel worthless. Unfortunately, the next morning I tried to smooth things over but she rejected me. This caused me to react very aggressively by saying some very regretful things. Obviously, I wish I didn't say those things now.
She left and didn't come back that day electing to stay at her parents. The next day I went to work expecting her to come home and collect her things and leave for a week or so. She had done this previously when we argued, which I put down to her blowing things out of proportion at times.
She did collect her things and then rang me to say she had left. To cut a long story short, we communicated for a couple of weeks and I genuinely felt we were working toward her coming back home. During that time she stayed with her sister, brother-in-law and their 4 kids in a three bedroom home. She was also travelling 1 hour to work and back. This was putting unnecessary pressure on her, which led her to demand finances etc.
We ended up splitting the bank account. She became more and more distant and by New Year's Eve I couldn't deal with this anymore. I called her, after not being together for Christmas, which killed me. She told me she wasn't coming home and was leaving me and would file for divorce.
Months went by and eventually she sent a solicitors letter requesting financial settlement. It took until January 2014 before she pursued it. I was expecting divorce would follow soon after, but it has now been 21 months since she left and nothing to date.
She sent me an 8 page letter, which I believe she took at least two weeks to write. It came as a surprise to me to receive it as she never said anything about sending one to me. At first it started off sounding positive, how much she loved our lives together, missed certain things etc, but as she went on it became viscous and aggressive, even vengeful to some extent. Upon reading it I contacted her and asked her if I can reply to it, which she agreed to. I felt it was my only way to communicate and open up to her. She later sent me a text message to say she would not accept anything from me and would return it unread if I sent one to her. She even said not to contact her again, which since last October, I have done exactly that.
In December last year she arranged for all her personal belongings, which amounted to cook books and a few bits and pieces to be collected from our home. That's all she took aside from her clothes. Not even a chair did she take.
Our financial settlement occurred in January this year. She didn't take me for anything other than 50% value of the house.
So she could have filed for divorce in December last year, but nothing has occurred yet. I still pray everyday that she will open her heart to forgiveness and reconciliation. I don't dare contact her because I want her to take the time to decide whether this is really what she wants. I hope and pray she hasn't given up all hope for us, maybe this is why she hasn't filed for divorce as yet.
I would be very pleased to hear your opinion on why she hasn't yet filed. I won't. One of my priests told me "it's a sin to murder, but not to be murdered." So from my. Point of view, I don't want to divorce, I want to rebuild our marriage, I still love my wife as much as I did the day I married her if not more. I miss her dreadfully, and life hasn't moved on for me. I still have all our wedding photos up on the walls, still have photos of her and I around the house. I don't see myself with anyone else, and frankly, not even interested.
It's amazing how so many people keep saying how lucky I am to be free. If only they really knew what it is like to lose your soul mate, best friend, lover and wife. I realise a lot of people, especially males, would use this as an opportunity to go wild. I am using this time to understand me, what went wrong, and what changes I would and can make to make my wife happy.
I dread the day I receive divorce papers. She told me there was no-one else, but I am not so sure. I can't believe she would have left everything for nothing other than independence and start all over again. This year she turns 40 (November). I wonder if she thinks about life passing by, no children as yet, etc. I pray and have faith God will see it fit after we have both worked out what we have done to contribute to our marriage failure to bring us back together.
Regards,
Sad me.