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Thank you Cadet. Rough day I had to send response to summons. Not real good feeling seeing your name in a lawsuit with your w and kids names on it. Wife knows I had to send it to court house today by 430. Was at L office at 3 filling out paperwork. Devising a strategy. My strategy is to make w work for it. I am not going to make it easy. Painful stuff
It's a horrible feeling seeing your name on a lawsuit. I almost vomited when I saw it. I never thought my wife could do such a thing. Mine came on 8/29, so I'm just 2 weeks behind you. In my state there's just a 2 month waiting period, so I could be divorced by the end of November. Unbelievable.
I don't actually feel to bad today. I feel better getting this part over with. Got home from L office at 5. Took the kids too church for an ice cream social, had a good time while w was home by herself. My D12 wanted to invite her freind to go along, I got on phone with her mom to give directions to church and invited her and her husband to join us. It's a casual freind of my w through our kids. I am sure she can see where never together anymore w kids. She and her husband are very spiritual, we had a great talk about our walk with God. It was all good. WAW at home is just in fog "needing her freedom" I am starting to think I may just give it to her, but will be sticking to my guns on kids and $$$.
I am sure she will be interested in talking to her L tommorow. I have a lady coming in tomorrow for an interview to replace my part time book keeper, my stbxw. This lady is not to hard on eyes either. As Pilot would say Hah! Anyway taking Twin B6"s on camping trip sat. While D12 go's on field trip with church freinds. It's ironic that I am the active one with kids at all our church functions getting to know some of stbxw freinds. WAW has alienated all her church freinds and family. It will be interesting to see who she turns through for support if we D. I don't think she understand s impact this will have on kids.
Was your wife spiritual before this? Mine used to do devotions every morning. I thought she was a saint. Now she says she can't pray. I know she's not going to church, either. In fact, she told me on two separate occasions that she thought she was going to hell. Crazy.
nmwb,
You ever feel like you're already there? I know some days I do.
Cnfused, you mean already divorced? Or already in hell? I'd say yes to both. My WW has been gone for more than 3 months. I've gotten used to her not being here. And it feels like hell as I hurt every day.
Nmwb123, yes w was really into our church more so then myself. She in fact told me she really grew closer to God in Sept last yr and was praying for me to find G back in Sept of last yr. Then she has A in Nov . I told her that was hard for me to understand. Hmm find God , pray for husband, have an A. She was tongue tied. Anyway she gave up on our church. Going to new church where know one knows her. I am glad she is going, you can't hide from God. It doesn't matter what church you go to. My w has told me she was ashamed, and guilty, not much I could say! I didn't want to validate because I didn't want to make her feel any worse then she already felt. Your wife saying she was going to hell kind of same thing. Don't kid yourself she will have to deal with this and God at some point let her go deal with it herself. She knows it's wrong. Hang tuff you are just getting started.
Already in hell. Praying for you! Right there with you. We still live together separate rooms, friendly when son is up then go to our separate corners after we put him to bed. Not sure which way is easier S gone or in the house. I think they both su<k. Hard for me to go dark.
Stay strong
I went dark, but not by choice. My WW has pretty much given me the silent treatment since she left. I haven't communicated with her at all since she filed for D. Not sure how I can possibly turn this around. She never gave me a chance. Just up and leaves one day without ever lifting a finger to work on our M.
Do you know what made her unhappy? Why she checked out so quickly?
Nope. I thought everything was fine and dandy. I mean, she's having an affair, so that's why she left, but as far as what led her to seek fulfillment outside of the M, I don't know, because she never said anything. I would have worked with her on absolutely anything.
Have you looked at yourself and where you may have fell short in your M. That's a good place start and work on yourself. How long have you been m. I know it's an awfully lonely feeling. Been there for last 8 months. You have to be positive when you see her no matter the circumstances. D talk or court or whatever. Let her see the best of you. Hang tuff
Sorry for hijacking, igit.
Yeah, I know I failed in the areas of conversation and affectionate words. Kinda hard to show changes in those areas without communication, though.
Been married going on 16 years.
No worries. 8 do it all the time. That's what where here for we are all in similar situation s and it's nice to have some freinds out there to listen
Well, I hope we all are able to reconcile with our wives.
We are all guilty of that to some degree. 16yrs is a long time but it goes by fast. Hang tuff your w may be in a fog like the rest of our waw. Don't show anger (easier said then done) don't look needy if and when you see her. 16yrs is a long time you will get your chance again. Hang tuff
My W works at a Christian school and has OM. I know mine has some major guilt issues. I've told her if she goes no contact - I will forgive her and try to figure out my short comings in this.
I know God will forgive her, but she may never be able to forgive herself.
Yeah, no doubt my WW is in the fog. Saying you'd rather go to hell and stay in the A than leave the A and go to heaven is irrational thinking at its worst.
Unbelievable that we've all got Christian wives who are casting their consciences aside to do what they know is morally wrong.
If they decide not to return as long as we've done the work we can move forward with dignity, respect and love for ourselves. But we must do the work to get there.
I know I don't want the woman my w has become. So I will have a new R - just not sure if is going to be with the new her or not at this point. One day they may come out of the fog.
I'm going to add you guys to my prayer list. I pray that God will intervene in all our situations and stop the divorces from happening. He says in Malachi that he hates divorce.
igit on your signature I was surprised to see your twins were the same age.
ok so here is my prayer FWIW
Father,
We ask that you would knit our hearts closely together and allow nothing else to
come between us. Lord we ask that we both take personal inventory, repent and
seek forgiveness for any wrong doing. We pray that we extend love and patience
to one another and that the lines of communication, sensitivity as well as
understanding are once again opened. We ask that You will allow all the pain,
hurt, suffering and disappointment to begin to subside. Lord we ask that
forgiveness is welcomed by each of us. Lord we ask that You would allow your joy
to flow once again from heart to heart between us. Father, we ask that You
direct us as we seek You first in building trust, transparency and both physical
and emotional intimacy. Father we pray for peace over our household. Lord we
thank you for being who You are and we realize that All the power, All the honor
and All the glory belongs to You now and forever, and for this we give you the
praise.
In the name of Jesus.
Amen
It is crazy. My w was dropping kids off at christian school on way to other m house. Nice huh
Confused thank you brother!
If they decide not to return as long as we've done the work we can move forward with dignity, respect and love for ourselves. But we must do the work to get there.
I know I don't want the woman my w has become. So I will have a new R - just not sure if is going to be with the new her or not at this point. One day they may come out of the fog.
Same here. I have seen my WW three times in the past three plus months. The first time was two days after she left. She was cold but her appearance was the same. The second time, she was still cold, but this time her appearance was darker. The third time, I could hardly recognize her. It actually felt bad being around her.
When we first met, she had a sparkle in her eye, and I even asked her if she was a Christian, because it seemed she had joy bubbling up inside. She was. Now, that sparkle is gone. It's very sad. So, I'd have to say also that I would not want the woman she has become to come back.
It is crazy. My w was dropping kids off at christian school on way to other m house. Nice huh
Taking the kids to learn about the 10 Commandments while she goes off to break them.
It is crazy. My w was dropping kids off at christian school on way to other m house. Nice huh
Taking the kids to learn about the 10 Commandments while she goes off to break them.
My H is in a Christian rock band and leads the worship at our church. Up front and center every Sunday. AND he bakes the communion bread also. I am fearful lightning will strike every single Sunday.
My H is in a Christian rock band and leads the worship at our church. Up front and center every Sunday. AND he bakes the communion bread also. I am fearful lightning will strike every single Sunday.
Insanity! I will add you to my prayer list as well, rppfl! The Holy Spirit is convicting each of our spouses. They may be ignoring him right now, but they will not be able to do so forever.
Insanity! I will add you to my prayer list as well, rppfl! The Holy Spirit is convicting each of our spouses. They may be ignoring him right now, but they will not be able to do so forever.
Thank you, prayers are appreciated. I work for this church, so going elsewhere is not an option. And I'll get to deal with H on a weekly basis about church business no matter what happens, and I'll have to treat him just like any other parishioner. I didn't pray for patience but it's being taught to me nonetheless.
Just a friendly reminder to you guys. I know you are just speaking and venting here on the forum, but you have to be careful you do not use religious beliefs or morality as a tool to try and win back your spouse. Guilting them does not work. And even if you do not consciously do it, you may be doing it subconsciously.
Besides, everyone sins. And everyone can be forgiven
Just a friendly reminder to you guys. I know you are just speaking and venting here on the forum, but you have to be careful you do not use religious beliefs or morality as a tool to try and win back your spouse. Guilting them does not work. And even if you do not consciously do it, you may be doing it subconsciously.
Besides, everyone sins. And everyone can be forgiven
Point well taken, pilot. My faith is quite personal, and I can assure you it's not something that has ever come up in the context of what my spouse is doing except here on the forum. I do believe what he's doing is wrong for many reasons, some religious, some strictly moral (without a religious connotation), but I don't ever express that to him. He has to feel that for himself through his own filters, whatever they may be.
I sincerely apologize if I've offended anyone here.
Hi Guys- I feel your pain. As Pilot says the shaming them wont work! I am in same camp as you guys! I pray for God to watch over her! Turn it over to him and let him work on her in his way and his time.Keep the faith!
Unfortunately I did try to guilt my wife into returning. It didn't work. But I haven't talked to her since then, so I guess I'm letting go. I haven't pursued in more than a month. I realize now that she's going to have to work this out on her own, so all I can do is pray for her.
I say that I was guilting her, but I really wasn't. The questions I asked her were simply me trying to understand what was going on in her mind. I could not understand how she could ignore the Bible and do this despite her trying to live according to the Bible up until now. So I asked her questions about that, but she did not have answers.
It like we are twin sons from different mothers
Leave her in God's hands. Perfect
They don't know themselves. That's the fog. Hopefully fog will lift soon
My faith isn't to judge anyone's actions it helps me to accept the actions of others. The strength to continue doing what is right when I feel like giving up. I agree that using religion to guilt our spouse back will never work and if it did it would not work long term.
I like this thread, the people and comments here.
Let's work together on ourselves to continue becoming the spouse only a fool would leave.
God bless you guys. This is the most difficult thing I've ever gone through. I'm sure it is for you guys, too.
Good job staying strong. What else have you been doing to regain YOU?
Hi all I interviewed a LF today to take my part time book keeper position previously held by Waw. We went to resteraunt cross street from office. I hv known her for 5 yrs she works at resteraunt I frequent.W calls me while in
Interview I txt in meeting. She calls again I txt samething. Anyway D12 then calls me while at interview. Then W gets on phone here's LF in background, I talk to W tell her in meeting which was true. Get home and W gives me Harry I ball doesn't say a word. I didn t say a word either she takes kids to vball. You know I am DB ING but GAL at same time. I don't think at this point W knows I am moving forward.
Maybe it's a good thing she thinks I am moving on.
Interesting. Why would she care? She's the one who filed. This craziness is so frustrating! My WW treats me like I'm the one having an affair! I mean, come on! If you're going to have an affair and file for divorce, at least have a little sympathy for the person whose heart you've ripped out and stomped on!
Because she can see she is loosing control. She calls me tonight while she is out w kids to ask me what I am doing. Earlier in day I txt her to ask if she was ok with me going out of town for 4 days in 2 weeks. She asked me what I was going to do. I told her I was doing the walk to emmaus, which is a 4 day christian retreat real big deal in our church. Something her freind told me she wanted to do. It's a men walk 2 a yr. Womens 2x a yr. She said why don't you wait till nxt yr.WHAT! I said I needed to do it for me. And I felt like I was drawn to do it now. I am thinking why do you want me to wait till next yr. Then she tells me they won't be home for an hr. I still out of habit call her honey. So I said I will be sleeping honey when you get home. I feel like she is confused rt now she feels like she is loosing control. And she is a control freak. Good day for igit. Just being me no expectations.
Wow. Good for you, though. It sounds like you're handling things well.
Where did your wife meet the OM?
D12 SOFTBALL COACH FOR 2YRS, FUNNY THING IS W Always complained about how bad he treated D12. His w cheated on him . You think he would know how painful his divorce was and to stay away. Nice coach
Horrible people out there. Ever seen Strangers on a Train?
Just kidding. Kind of.
igit, you are in control! just remember to keep that pathway home smooth, even if you are already headed in the other direction.
Pilot, I will, she is my 1st love! The mother of my kids! We have been through so much together in our lives, I am looking at her as a teenager that has ran away from home. I love her and always will but she needs to find her way back home. I will be there to open the door.
Oh my gosh igit.. I LOVE what you just wrote. "I love her and always will but she needs to find her way back home. I will be there to open the door."
That is beautiful!! Hang in there!
I cant wait for the day when you get to open that door again!
Everyone says try something new and stick with it if it works. I took boys to cabin this morning, got back early evening. Had a nice conversation w wife. Talked about her job which she likes talking about. After I got kiddies to bed wife was in bed, I decided to get out of house and went for a drive to listen to some music. W was very curious to where I was going. She is very controlling and also gets jelous very easy. Anyway I am GAL and it definitely helps. I am not interested in any other LF however I do need to be quiet and to myself. Keep her confused to what I am doing. I am not playing games just doing something that I know is having her wondering about me. I really do think she has felt along that she has had me by my nose. But the last few days she seams to be much nicer and somewhat interested in where I am and what I am doing. ANYWAY I need to keep it up. Whatever works!
Proud of you igit. You seem to have a handle on your situation, given the cards youve been dealt. You also seem to be as much at peace with everything as can be expected. Keep it up, it is not over yet.
Wow, keep it up! Sounds like you're seeing some positive change.
Pilot, think a little turn for the worse! W took boys this am to her "New" church which irritates me but I didn't let on to that feeling! Went to our church by myself. Got home Cut the lawn <2 hr task> W called and asked me if I wanted to take boys and D12 to county fair. she had a 4 hr computer class online she needed to do in order to comply with her job! I agreed and while waiting for there return did boys laundry for school week. Waited for W and called her once to see where they were. Anyway no answer and she shows up with kids at 430. I thought it was getting late to go to fair on a Sunday and told kids I would take them after school this week. Anyway W decided to blow her requirement off and take kids to fair by herself. I stopped in to see her in bathroom while she was shaving her legs. <no big deal> She then got really nasty with me for coming in to talk to her! <I mean she was in her shorts> really nasty to me! I told her I wasn't going to take this anymore. This Jekyll and Hyde is wearing me out! I am really thinking I need to go LRT to save my own sanity. A man can only take so much S..t before enough is enough! Funny how this morning we were kissing and this afternoon is a total wreck!
Anyway went to office and think I am going to stay here and work until Kids and W are in bed! The less I see of her the better rt now!
Sorry to hear that. But...you were kissing this morning? You left out the positive story and focused on the negative. It sounds like things were fine this morning, and then something triggered. Seemingly on your decision to NOT take the kids to the fair. It is very likely your W had told the kids they were going to go, and when you said you did not want to take them so late, she got agitated and took them herself. Not saying you were at fault, but what about that interaction could be a trigger? Were you typically uncompromising or controlling on issues like this in the past? Not meaning to use harsh adjectives, but what about that conversation could have been an unpleasant experience for your W?
Think on it a bit... Maybe that will help prevent future negative interactions like this...
Pilot thanks- you are probably rt. The w has been calling and texting me. Her last txt to me please call me I am pretty shook up! I texted her back sorry I am too. Pilot- this is so hard to take I just had to get out of there and be alone for awhile! I think she knows I have had about all I can take! I know she is confused and I am going to keep to my plan of LRT for now! She had a few hrs with kids at Fair to think. we always made a big deal out of fair with the kids and I know the kids were missing me!
I know it is tough. Even more so because youve got that deadline looming. Plus you guys are still in the same house. I at least get some space to keep my sanity. Just remember the big picture. She is confused. That means you are in a better position now than you were. No guarantees, but all the more reason to NOT backslide.
Keep up the good work buddy.
Pilot we don't have a deadline , a preliminary hearing in 2 to 3 wks about agreeing to mediation. In my state w kids it's not a quick thing.
I gotcha. Well, that is a good thing then!
Pilot, my W is a little shook up rt now! I think she felt like I wasn't coming back last night. My D12 got sick last night from fair food and had to stay home from school today! Its like a reality check what happens when one of twins gets sick this yr. I don't know but I certainly understand why a lot of what I read about D and kids say leave no stone unturned, try to give M a chance! Anyway these WAW have a mind of there own. I don't want to live with my W as she is now! Its only her that can change and make an effort! Its just crazy how they can turn completely away from someone they have been with for so long. just venting I guess.
Its just crazy how they can turn completely away from someone they have been with for so long. just venting I guess.
Crazy, indeed. Mind-boggling even. And why not talk things over rather than opting for an affair?
Crazy, indeed. Mind-boggling even. And why not talk things over rather than opting for an affair?
The million dollar question indeed.
The A is easier. No history. It's all new and exciting. They can portray themselves how they want and in their minds, there is no baggage. It's like a do over.
Its just crazy how they can turn completely away from someone they have been with for so long. just venting I guess.
Crazy, indeed. Mind-boggling even. And why not talk things over rather than opting for an affair?
My H thinks "we did work on it" but in truth he only made passive-aggressive comments I was supposed to understand meant he had issues.
Even though he knows I'm ready, willing and able to fix things between us, it's just easier to screw someone else and then walk away.
I don't know if it's laziness, pessimism, being a "quitter" or what, but....
I'm starting to think those that are like the LBS -- those who see value in the R, in the WAS, and in love itself...are a different class of individual.
My WW said she "waited too long" to tell me she was unhappy, so it was just too late to do anything. In fact, I later discovered it wasn't too late, she'd just found someone new. She used to tell me lovingly that she wouldn't look for anyone new if I died. I guess she was telling the truth: she wasn't going to wait around for me to die!!
"Even though he knows I'm ready, willing and able to fix things between us, it's just easier to screw someone else and then walk away. "
This isn't true of the WAS. Just because the LBS decides to change, it doesn't mean that the WAS has an obligation to do so. In fact, in many cases, prior to a bomb drop, the WAS will leave little clues of their unhappiness. Sometimes they come out as seemingly "passive-aggressive" comments, or nagging. It's because they may not understand and can't express why they're unhappy.
Many LBS's are like that as well.
Pilot, not sure what w is feeling today. I didn't see her last night when I got home. I know she was shook up last night by her calls and then txt saying she was shook up. Today she called me on her lunch but I didn't answer, I was in a meeting. Lately she will call but not leave message. Anyway I did answer her call at 3 when she got off school, she asked me if I was picking up kids. I was 5 minutes from school and since I didn't here from her i wanted to get kids since D12 was home sick. D12 and I talked a few times today to make sure she was ok at home. Anyway when W got home at 430 I got in truck to head back to office. I was nice when she asked me where I was going. She then called me at 7pm to see where I was. I do think the LRT is helping me. She is acting like she thinks there maybe a LF. Let her thank what she wants. BOND had a comment about waw not really understanding what there unhappy about. I do think there is alot of truth to that. I don't want my w to think we will have a good friendship if D. It just won't be in my plan. Anyway just venting a little
Vent away igit. And do not worry about not knowing how your W was feeling today. Odds are, you didnt really know yesterday or the day before either
Good to see you sticking to your guns. However, at some point, do you plan on answering a call, or maybe calling her back after a missed on? Just to show the path home still exists? I am not advocating, as i am not a pro by any means. Just asking if you had thought that far out on this...
Keep up the good work..
Pilot, I do answer some calls , txt etc.. she knows that I don't want this. I am freindly, a super dad, a good neighbor, etc...just need to stay busy. It bugs her when she doesn't know where, or what I am doing. With her job she needs me to help with kids. It is so apparent, Tonight when I came home I asked her if she did there homework, she didn't know they had any? Hello mom anyone home? No biggie I have been doing it with them. Not sure if mom has energy to...I am just frustrated beyond frustrated.
Pilot, I honestly think in her mind she thinks I will always be there to help w kids , sports, play date's , car pooling etc,, I have asked her numerous times for a schedule during the week for kids, homework, schedule picking uh p, dinner, etc.. I still haven't got one, I think I may send her one tomorrow by txt for remainder of week. Maybe put a smiley face on it to keep it light
So today D12 home again sick. I picked up kids from school and boys teacher stopped by car and told me boys homework is not getting done. I felt bad for boys. They looked sad. Anyway I went to office rt before w got home. She called and I told her about homework. I have been reading a book they have to read from school. School has website that has updates on homework . W and I went to parents day 3 weeks ago when teach er told us about site. W said she would handle. She has dropped ball for last 2 weeks. I didn't get mad just asked if she could put a schedule together. This along with numerous bad behavior slips. It's really bothering me. Anyway w came in my room tonight and thanked me. She didn't tell me what for. I assume d it was for helping w kids. Anyway I did tell her I was worried about boys. She thought it was gd boys were upset, her words, they will learn to ask to do homework. WHAT! 1st graders! Anyway she said something about me telling her to get a job. Like its my fault. I just let it roll off me.
W called me today at work I haven't been to available but today returned her call. She wanted to help me at my office to get caught up with bookkeeping. She offered to come in office this weekend. Yesterday she told me she hated my office. I told her I would bring work home for her to do. I really want her to just straighten out things on books she is familiar with and then keep her out of my business. She suggested she help me find a replacement through her contacts at community college. Little does she know I hired a girl today part time. Wife also suggesting where to move my offices to. She has always been very controlling in our M. I have gone very dark recently starting no conversation s, not talking about anything other then kids when she ask. I am in my mind moving on with my life. I won't be there for her like she thinks. She fired me as a husband and until she changes herself and attitude I will treat it as it is. I guess I am venting there is alot of uncertainty with everything involved in a D with kids. I am sticking to my guns and not helping in anyway. There will be a hearing in a few weeks about mediation. I have agreed to that. However I will not compromise on bigger issues. Will not settle to make it easier on her. I am going to go darker the closer it gets to the start of legal process.
Dang igit, I hate it for you right now. Sounds like you are doing the best you can given the circumstances. And it seems like you have the right game plan...for you. I am still waiting for your post where your W hits bottom and wants to work things out.
Pilot, I have not given up, however I do think that you reach a point where your own self respect kicks in. I am still working on me, and through this I have grown and it had impacted other areas of my life for the better. I have always been layed back, but now in my ineractions with all people I am not trying to impress anyone. I am just being me. It has been huge in my business and that part of my life is going to the next level.《some how through this> I am still being best dad in the world, getting my spiritual life to a place it's never been. I have developed some great friendship s with people I would have never met or known because of this. So Igit is going to be better than ever.
Glad you have a good out look on things. That is a big plus for you and your sanity!
I wish there was more I could do for you buddy. I know how alone it can feel at times.
Pilot, about the LF which i mentioned in prev.post is just that a freind! I just hired her for part time help. I have known her for 3 or 4 yrs as she works at diner I go to often. Anyway she put herself through college and looking for acct.type job. She is early 30s. Anyway her husband cheated on her and she is D. She has been a good sounding board. Good advice on what is going on in W mind, she knows I want to save M. She is giving me same advice as DB coach. Act like I am moving on and don't show any weakness. Don't get excited if she gives any signs of hope. Just move on. No more Mr Nice Guy, no more I will do anything to change her mind. So Thx for keeping up.
Pilot, about the LF which i mentioned in prev.post is just that a freind! I just hired her for part time help. I have known her for 3 or 4 yrs as she works at diner I go to often. Anyway she put herself through college and looking for acct.type job. She is early 30s. Anyway her husband cheated on her and she is D. She has been a good sounding board. Good advice on what is going on in W mind, she knows I want to save M. She is giving me same advice as DB coach. Act like I am moving on and don't show any weakness. Don't get excited if she gives any signs of hope. Just move on. No more Mr Nice Guy, no more I will do anything to change her mind. So Thx for keeping up.
Well a lot can happen in 4 days! LOL! So update hear< Friday night w has sleepover planned for D12 and friends. her plan take girls and S6's to fair. At 530 she asked me if I could take she was tired! No problem> get home from fair at 9pm NO W home! D12 is upset and tries texting /calling W but no answer. Anyway D12 and her friends pile into D12 room and decide D12 needs to sleep in W room not enough room in D12room. W gets home at 2am and is startled and screams! NICE!
Sat am I let W know since D12 is going out of town for night with friend I would take boys to pumpkin patch and be home at 5 to cookout with boys so she could get home to herself.
W > Text me since I screwed up her plans I don't want to be here while you continue to act like perfect dad, perfect husband, ignoring the fact that we are in divorce process, you continue to involve yourself, not giving me space with the kids. please have yours and boys laundry done.
I was home when I got text and went in and read it in front of her. I asked her how she thought I should be behaving, I am not changing my behavior and sorry that she took offense to it. I then took off with boys for the day. we had a good time and went to a party after pumpkin patch got home at 9. W rolled in around 1am <I guess she was tired>
Sunday- took boys to church got home and W asked me to drive to pick up D12 3hrs away. She got up sick and wanted to come home early> Good old Dad made the drive got home at 630. D12 was upset in car she hadn't spent any time with Mom. We got home and W did homework with D12. W was screaming at D12 to pay attention and D12 started crying! I just got boys a bath and put them in bed and let W deal with D12 herself.
Today woke up and twins were both sick with fevers! had to stay home and take care of. W texted me D12 should be happy that she did her homework with her! LOL MOM. Anyway pretty frustrating!
I am not sure I can subject kids to this much longer! With D process going I may ask W to get a place closer to work and just go totally dark> No talking , no texting, let me know when you want to see kids and I will make arrangements to not be hear! Let her deal with her issues herself and leaver me and kids out of it!
TEXT FROM W>
dang igit. ever hear of having a vacation from drama? haha. It was really strange for your W to be angry at you for being the perfect dad, perfect husband, etc. She seems angry that in her mind, you are in a better mental state than she is. I wonder how stable she is or how close to a mental break down she might be?
Good for you that you have kept being the great dad your kids need.
Pilot you have interesting comments. I appreciate your support. When it rains it pours. W car towed into dealer looks like transmission. No liquid cash since its tied up in court case. Both boys home sick again today with dad.
I don't know if she is really getting frustrated with my current PMA. I know she is seeing my commitment to helping with kids in a big way. I hate to say that the guilt is taking its toll on her. I'm not going to give her any reasons to be angry with me.
On another note more powerful. I am leaving for the 4 day spiritual weekend thur. For a couple reasons.it's 4 days no phones no contact with the outside world. I know my wife has been rejected by her dad most of her life. It's something she is used to by someone she has loved. I don't ever want her to feel that from me no matter what happens. It's really going to take an inner strength and peace from within me to make this happen. From what I have been told by my friends who have done this weekend before it was very powerful and moving. Some thing to look forward to.
Had a great talk with DB coach today! what a great lady! Wish my WAW had some of her qualities! Wishful thinking! Even though in last quarter of game I am feeling like I have the rt mindset to deal with whatever comes my way. The WAW may know they are creating a situation that they may not understand the consequences they are creating but are willing to take that chance non the less! Why! who knows! There issues are there's to sort out! All we can do is to pick up the pieces for kids sake in a way to not disrespect or show remorse towards WAW> its a hard road to navigate! Somehow if we keep our self respect in tact and don't do anything or give WAW anymore reasons to resent us everything will work out for us in the long run. The kids will understand a life lesson on how to treat people no matter what they do to you.
Checking out of DB site for a few days. I hope everyone has some good days while I am gone.
Igit
I hope the weekend retreat is a powerful experience for you.
Was a great retreat. Got home Sunday night around 8pm. Longest I haven't talked to wife in 19yrs. Kids were happy to see me. W took off to the store when I got kiddies to bed. Said she needed sore throat lounges. Oh well back to same old stuff. Sick of it already.
I had a great weekend at the retreat. no phones, no clocks, no tvs. It was a very moving weekend spiritually. I gave my sitch over to the man upstairs. My w was very interested in talking this am about the weekend. she called me on way to work and we talked for 15-20 minutes. The one thing I got from the weekend is to lover her unconditionally which is hard but something I need to do. she has a busy week with school and I am going to take care of kids after school this week so she can catch up. I cant explain in words the impact the retreat had on me spiritually. My wifes good friend and her husband came down on sat night as part of the retreat program. has no idea they were coming anyway I have a different outlook on my sitch and need to love my wife in a different way rt now. we see how it go's
.
IGIT
Every once in awhile you have a day that gives you hope. Not sure if the 4 day away has something to do with this or not. My w reached out in a different way then she has in sometime. Maybe it was her attitude. She actually shared alot more of her day , her work and actually seemed like she wanted to share. Several txt and 3 or 4 phone calls as well. I didn't pursue but did throw out a nice compliment on her teaching. It was a good night as well.we did kids homework together. Small talk before bed.I felt like maybe the ice might be melting a little. I certainly don't want to get to excited but felt better about our R today.
I'm praying for you, buddy.
I appreciate the prayers. We LBS sure need all the help we can get. Yesterday was a good day. Today I worked late. Got home helped with kids, got them ready for bed. WAW was distant, Not as freindly as yesterday. Very cold! Seemed angry that I was taking kids to a concert next week. I don't know what I am supposed to act like. I am venting. I can't stand this. I know one thing for sure I won't be able to live here with her until June if things don't change soon.
Journaling a little here. WAw was freindly today.we both have busy work schedules and have been helping each other out to accommodate schedule s with kids. Don't know what is going through her mind rt now. She gets angry at times because I am being super dad. Complaining I am too nice to her. I dont know what to think of that. Not bothering her, giving her space,just doing my own thing.Not sharing to much with her.no talk about the D. Haven't heard anything about it! My walk to Emmaus weekend really mellowed me out. Keeping the faith.
WAW is stressing with her job. She has to take 30 hrs online for her teaching credentials by end of yr.she worked on this weekend and was giving me a bunch of trash talk about me going away last weekend for my walk to emmaus. I just let her vent. She then started on about D. I told her to figure out how she was going to stay at our home until june. I told her I wasn't going to live with her divorced and since I was getting kids to school she needed to figure it out. Also I mentioned I was going to tell 12d what has been going on with her affair.she was questioning why tell her. I told her she needed to know the truth. No more lies.anyway the next day she was much more freindly even came into put eye drops in my eye.called me at work and sending text about different things. Not sure what else I can do ar this point
Why do you think you need to expose to your 12 year old daughter?
Mr Bond I have given it some more thought and I am not going to do that to my 12D. I have realized that I have enabled this A to continue. I asked my ww to move out this weekend. I told her I didn't think it was good for the kids, it is setting a poor example to our young kids and thought she should leave. I wasn't angry I just can't put up with it anymore. WAw has been very nice and warm to me the last few days. I am going to sit down with her sometime this week and bring it up again.something like this > we have had some problems in our M in last few years, but this A is a big problem that I can't allow to continue in my life. If this is the future you want I won't stop you. But I won't hide it from anyone any longer , and i will not be a part of her life anymore.
"Mr Bond I have given it some more thought and I am not going to do that to my 12D."
Good. Nothing good could have come out of it. Plus it indirectly makes forces your D to see your W as the "bad guy". No one wants to hear their mom shown in that light. Even adults.
Mr Bond, what are your thoughts on conversation about asking her to move out.
That's up to you and what you're willing to tolerate. If she's still seeing the OM while she's living at home, then personally, I would have packed her bags long ago and dropped them off at the OM's doorstep. But that's just my opinion.
Took our 3 kids to casting crowns concert tonight. WAw favorite christian band prior to A. She texted me this morning and had concerns with me taking them. She was worried the kids were to young and I would have a hard time managing by myself. I texted back and validated her concerns and asked if she wanted to go and help. Didn't get a text back.this afternoon she called on way home from school and said she would help kids get ready. She helped pack car gave me a hug and said have a good time. I looked her in eyes and smiled and told her this was all her fault. Since all this chaos in my life I have grown to love the christian concerts. She smiled back. Anyway I am going to ask her to come up with a plan for immediate future. I can't live with her while she is still involved in A. She asked me to commit to getting kids to school this year prior to her accepting her teaching job.she drives an hour each way and leaves at.6am. After accepting job I was served D summons. No warning just a guy shows up at my house one day and drops off. That was mid August. I responded early September and nothing has happened or been scheduled. I can't see living like this to much longer. We have been getting along well for the most part. I am going to stay happy and keep positive interactions but am going to ask her to come up with a plan. 1. Let her know I can't live with these conditions any longer. We have some problems with our M. But the A is a bigger problem on the go forward and although I committed to taking kids in the mornings until June I wouldnt have made that same decision without a plan in place for our future. I would like her to find a place of her own real soon. Although we have been getting along well and a few family dinners etc I feel like she is cake walking big time. I don't know if she even has a plan..One thing that has me scratching my head is does she think I can live with her till June. And with kids and school she can't help with mornings. She has made the comment that she doesn't think kids love her. She is in MLC if the signs are accurate to what mlc is. I am going to be freinds until she gets a place if she agrees to it. Then plan B goes into affect until A is over. She has been a very controlling w for a long time. Still even with our sitch. It might do us both some good. Any comments would be appreciated.
Tough situation, indeed. I wish I could offer advice, but I can't. I will be praying for you, though.
Maybe since you're not sure what's best (in terms of whether to ask her to move out or not), you should do what you think would be best for the kids. Let that be your priority and focus right now. Maybe that takes a sacrifice on your part to put up living with her, but if you're properly detached and working on GAL, then it shouldn't matter as much.
I'm not a vet, though. That's just my two cents. (I'm not detached either.)
What is best for kids? To see an unhealthy m. Running out at all hours, no consistency or quality time with mom. It might be best for them to have her leave and get the full impact of what she is doing. Let her live the life she thinks she wants and put her bgp on.