Alcholic Wife In Treatment Now Wants Out - 07/18/14 11:34 AM
Hello All! It has been a awhile since I have been he. Wife three years ago wanted out since she fell out of love with me and I wasn't not helping with the care of our two kids (S12) and (D8) and money was an issue. Put the DB to work and we were able to patch things up.
For the last two years she has taken a job an hour from home where she leaves at 5:30 a.m. and does not come home until 6:30 p.m. For the most part I am responsible for the care of the two kids. She has told me that she does not feel like an involved mom/wife due to her job. Rather than complaining about the situation I simply would encourage her to look for as new job closer to home and that the family does appreciate her. She has been to a few interviews, but nothing being offered to her.
This year has been tough with my S12, he has been acting up at home (punching holes in the wall) with anger issues. After initial counseling he is in day treatment Monday - Friday. Doing this with my son S12 has been hard due to the drop off times and I have been just beat the last few weeks. I tell W that this is affecting me and very careful not to complain about the schedule since I figure she is trying to change the situation and I want to remain positive.
This last year I have noticed that W was started to drink more than usual a couple days a week, it went from once bottle of wine two now 3-4 bottles if wine. When I asked her about why she is drinking more it would be because of S12 or the job.
I know that I could not stop her from drinking, but I made sure that she would drink and drive with the kids. When she started doing this, I could not take it and told her that I wanted her to get help. It was also at this time that I went to an Al-Anon meeting and have been going weekly.
W finally met with a substance abuse counselor on Wednesday Night. She did drink when she got home. It made me mad, but I was able to avoid her by doing yard work outside. Thursday Night she comes home and asks me how hard would it be to sell the house. I ask her why she would ask such things and she tells me she has been thinking since her counselor visit.
The family then went for a walk, it was nice. W then drank Thursday Night and I was upset. She proceeded to drink two bottles. After the kids were asleep I started to talk to her, she told me that she wasn't happy and that going to the counselor made her realize this. She was no longer in love with me and all the changes that I have been doing stopped 6 months ago.
I responded that my responsibilities with the kids has not decreased, but with my S12 treatment has been increased. I told her that I was exhausted and admitted that I had been yelling more at the kids. I told her that that I needed some help and was advised that she had to do it herself for 10 years alone until the last fallout we had. The conversation then went on how I wasn't nice to her sister and that she wanted out.
W has a history of sexual/physical abuse and was in counseling until she was 18. She told me that I pushed her into treatment and that she knew our marriage would end if she saw some one. She also took her wedding ring off.
This morning nothing was said about it. She is planning on taking the kids to her parents vacation home tonight and return on Sunday. Since we have multiple dogs/pets this means that someone needs to take care of them. When I told her that I wanted to go with she said she wanted some time away. I then stated that I would stay home.
I know that I need to be more patient with the kids, this is something that I need to do to strengthen my relationship with them.
Where do I go from here?
For the last two years she has taken a job an hour from home where she leaves at 5:30 a.m. and does not come home until 6:30 p.m. For the most part I am responsible for the care of the two kids. She has told me that she does not feel like an involved mom/wife due to her job. Rather than complaining about the situation I simply would encourage her to look for as new job closer to home and that the family does appreciate her. She has been to a few interviews, but nothing being offered to her.
This year has been tough with my S12, he has been acting up at home (punching holes in the wall) with anger issues. After initial counseling he is in day treatment Monday - Friday. Doing this with my son S12 has been hard due to the drop off times and I have been just beat the last few weeks. I tell W that this is affecting me and very careful not to complain about the schedule since I figure she is trying to change the situation and I want to remain positive.
This last year I have noticed that W was started to drink more than usual a couple days a week, it went from once bottle of wine two now 3-4 bottles if wine. When I asked her about why she is drinking more it would be because of S12 or the job.
I know that I could not stop her from drinking, but I made sure that she would drink and drive with the kids. When she started doing this, I could not take it and told her that I wanted her to get help. It was also at this time that I went to an Al-Anon meeting and have been going weekly.
W finally met with a substance abuse counselor on Wednesday Night. She did drink when she got home. It made me mad, but I was able to avoid her by doing yard work outside. Thursday Night she comes home and asks me how hard would it be to sell the house. I ask her why she would ask such things and she tells me she has been thinking since her counselor visit.
The family then went for a walk, it was nice. W then drank Thursday Night and I was upset. She proceeded to drink two bottles. After the kids were asleep I started to talk to her, she told me that she wasn't happy and that going to the counselor made her realize this. She was no longer in love with me and all the changes that I have been doing stopped 6 months ago.
I responded that my responsibilities with the kids has not decreased, but with my S12 treatment has been increased. I told her that I was exhausted and admitted that I had been yelling more at the kids. I told her that that I needed some help and was advised that she had to do it herself for 10 years alone until the last fallout we had. The conversation then went on how I wasn't nice to her sister and that she wanted out.
W has a history of sexual/physical abuse and was in counseling until she was 18. She told me that I pushed her into treatment and that she knew our marriage would end if she saw some one. She also took her wedding ring off.
This morning nothing was said about it. She is planning on taking the kids to her parents vacation home tonight and return on Sunday. Since we have multiple dogs/pets this means that someone needs to take care of them. When I told her that I wanted to go with she said she wanted some time away. I then stated that I would stay home.
I know that I need to be more patient with the kids, this is something that I need to do to strengthen my relationship with them.
Where do I go from here?