I think my last post is locked, so i'm starting a new post.
it was a night with very little sleep last night, much thinking, journaling, etc
this is what I know. I know that h and I have been s since march this year, he said at the time, ILYNILWY, that he was done with the m, then was willing to work on m, he moved into his own place may this year, all was ok for a small time, then became distant, claims he needed time to think, I did all the wrong things, then found db, and have trying to follow the ideas.
h dropped second b two weeks ago, asked me to let him go.
then last night dropped third b, he has been seeing ow for four weeks (same w he had brief a with nov last year) and he would like to see where it goes with her.
I have lots of questions for the vets out there, and anyone else who wants to chime in, I am fully expecting 2x4's
where do I go form here, I still want to fight for my m, but how do I go about it since he living seperatly to me and is now involving himself in another r
I think my last post is locked, so i'm starting a new post.
it was a night with very little sleep last night, much thinking, journaling, etc
this is what I know. I know that h and I have been s since march this year, he said at the time, ILYNILWY, that he was done with the m, then was willing to work on m, he moved into his own place may this year, all was ok for a small time, then became distant, claims he needed time to think, I did all the wrong things, then found db, and have trying to follow the ideas.
h dropped second b two weeks ago, asked me to let him go.
then last night dropped third b, he has been seeing ow for four weeks (same w he had brief a with nov last year) and he would like to see where it goes with her.
I have lots of questions for the vets out there, and anyone else who wants to chime in, I am fully expecting 2x4's
where do I go form here, I still want to fight for my m, but how do I go about it since he living seperatly to me and is now involving himself in another r
I'm not very familiar with this scenario. Meaning, your h is in a r with OW from the past, when he had an affair with her, and that was his second infidelity and that was while you were "actively" married.
I say the phrase "actively married" b/c there is some debate about what is an "affair" while separated. Though most LBSers here will vigorously argue that an "affair is an affair!", what matters more is how the other spouse sees it.
For most WAS's, it seems that being separated is usually a signal (and in their eyes, you are on notice) that the marriage is ending and that the divorce being finalized - is a mere formality.
Regardless of how that pans out, here is what we can see.
We can see that your h is telling you
by his actions, that he is
unable to be faithful to you, OR faithful to you as you are,
and or, incapable of being faithful to anyone. He wants to explore the R he began with OW earlier, to see where it goes. He wants you to be his back up plan although rather than telling you that out loud, b/c it's too blatantly self serving, he's telling you to "let him go" -
while also silently patting himself on the back & to "keep protecting you".
And btw, I DO think he meant that keeping the truth from you was somehow "protective" of him. I can't see another interpretation & when he asked you if that was what you wanted, imo, he was seeking permission to keep hiding things from you. At some level, down deep, don't you think maybe you know this??
I only know one thing for sure to suggest; do something different than you've been doing b/c none of that has worked.
Here are some ideas...
Let him worry about losing you. For real. Stop being so available, do NOT say "ILY" or "always will" or any of that. Really DO end the conversations first, and around him, really do stay optimistic but vague about your plans and activities.
Fearing the loss of you, will not happen if you don't also become the woman you were meant to become, to-wit, a woman only a fool would leave.
That means you must stop showing him all the anxiety b/c it really does NOT help you and it really does NOT protect you and yet it really does increase the risk of the things you fear happening,
actually happening...do you get my point here?)
So please, lose that anxiety (at least around him) and be detached but upbeat a lot more. Also I'm not sure if I mentioned this to you before, but I suggest you watch the videos on the TED Talks from 2012, from Amy Cuddy and Shawn Achor. One is about "Faking it til you Become it", and Positive Psychology, respectively. They're not long films and they'll both help you a lot with starting to think in a new way, a way that changes how you feel and behave.
Also, start imagining life without him,
but with you being happy... and just do this for 5 minutes.
But really do it. Like imagine he's passed away and that you have grieved the loss but did not curl up in a fetal position forever...(b/c you would not do that, right? I mean at some point you would get out of bed and model a recovery for your kids, right?
Never forget these two things: 1) you children are watching you AND they will remember how you write these chapters of your life; and 2) someday each of your children will face a betrayal or setback that deeply wounds them. You want them to be able to recall YOUR Choices now, so that they'll make similar choices and not wallow or fall apart or become bitter and despairing.
SO now, since you know you'd eventually pick yourself up and dust yourself off, imagine that has happened and you have moved forward...what are you doing in your new life that makes you happy?
Are you traveling more, commuting a shorter/longer distance, taking classes, learning a new language, getting a different job, going back to school, taking up a new hobby, moving, where are you living?
Are you pursuing the body building more? FLESH OUT THIS VISION...
and really figure out what you'd most likely be doing, if you were single
but happy. Okay...(I'm waiting for you to think this out...INSERT Jeopardy music...)
Alright now, All Done? Okay so...
now, figure out what of those^^^ things you can do,
this week.Hang in there!
as always 25, you are fantastic with the word.
I think you would have been almost impressed at the way I handled myself in front of h last night, when he started talking I didn't interrupt(I usually do, especialy when i'm nervous or anxious, I listened to him tell me that he'd been seeing her for four weeks, about the time we stopped being intimate, which he said he stopped with me because it wasn't fair to me, and yes, I know its all lip service.
I didn't ask detailed questions about their r, only the ones that I thought were important to know, such the times that i'd rung for the boys to say goodnight, and he hadn't answered, if he'd been with her, he said yes, a couple of times he had been,
I did request that if I ring at the arranged time that he answer, either leave the room, or move away, I didn't think this was unreasonable. and the only other time that I was forceful ,was when he said he'd like her to meet our boys, I was adamant with my refusal, they are too young, we have only been officially living apart for a couple of months, that if he's still seeing her in 6 months or more, then we'd re visit.
I'm only just getting to know them myself, and I can't bear the idea of someone else coming into their lives in such an influential role.
there are days where I feel like such a complete failure, can't keep my m together, can't be a good mum, can't manage my finances.
as far as the anxiety goes, I showed none last night, I waited until I got home to fall apart and wail, wring my hands etc.
I feel h and I are so entangled still, regarding the boys, finances.
I want to stand on my own two feet, for the first time in my 39 years, I want to be able to say I did that and be proud of myself.
yes, I still want to be m to my husband, or start a new r with him.
I am going to start reading dr again, beginners mindset.
tomorrow I will pick the boys up from h and drop them at daycare.
I will get myself a hot cohoclate, I will order stock so I can work to earn money to support myself and my boys.
I will go and look at more houses, there will be the perfect house for us out there.
I will eat well because I have to look after me so can be well for myself and our boys.
I will write down all the money I owe for bills etc, and if I can't do it on my own, I will seek out someone who can help me(not h)
I will strive every day to become the woman that a man would be a fool to leave.
Oh Watto--Your list for yourself is awesome.
You've got this.
as always 25, you are fantastic with the word.
I think you would have been almost impressed at the way I handled myself in front of h last night, when he started talking I didn't interrupt(I usually do, especialy when i'm nervous or anxious, I listened to him tell me that he'd been seeing her for four weeks, about the time we stopped being intimate, which he said he stopped with me because it wasn't fair to me, and yes, I know its all lip service.
I think you did very well. Most people who just start DBing could not have handled this situation as smoothly or in an controlled a manner as you did,so BRAVO to you for that. It's called GROWTH! Good for you, really.
I didn't ask detailed questions about their r, only the ones that I thought were important to know, such the times that i'd rung for the boys to say goodnight, and he hadn't answered, if he'd been with her, he said yes, a couple of times he had been,
Think hard about this^^^ and whether some of it really is "important to know". Why was it "important"? To verify a sin and convict? To justify feeling anger?
I mean, please remember how little of this is within your control. When you begin to see how your focus has to be on things you CAN control, and how much work that itself takes, it'll be easier to let go of the things that you can't do much about anyhow, and why misspend your energy?
Why take on trouble that isn't yours to take on anyhow? Make sense?
I did request that if I ring at the arranged time that he answer, either leave the room, or move away, I didn't think this was unreasonable.
Again, ask yourself how much of that is about control....why not Just let him know you'll only call at agreed upon times?
Letting the kids call "whenever they want" sets you up for pain if he doesn't answer, so think about only calling at the agreed upon times...He can always call them extra, right?)
and the only other time that I was forceful ,was when he said he'd like her to meet our boys, I was adamant with my refusal, they are too young, we have only been officially living apart for a couple of months, that if he's still seeing her in 6 months or more, then we'd re visit.
Newsflash Watto...this^^ belief (That you can prevent or control how they meet OW) is common around here. But in the USA, once separated, there is almost nothing you can do to enforce your request. THINK ABOUT THAT...
If it is the same in your country (UK?), and I expect it is, then don't fall on your sword quite so fast and quite so hard, for an issue you have no power or control in, anyhow.
Your real fear is being replaced by OW and that's not a reasonable fear, is it? If so, ask yourself why. Are you super strict and critical of the kids? I mean, why would OW take your place? You do not have to compete with her.
But since there is a high chance they'll meet some OW anyhow, and you likely have no control over this, figure out how to prepare for when they do meet her or some other OW. Don't attach so many nightmare scenarios to this "event".
Maybe you can try to Imagine if you were dating OM and at some point you'd want to know how he is with your kids, right? Do you think you'd also wonder if he could "replace" your h? I doubt it. I think you'd just want to know that they all get along.
So just realize that your h wanting her to meet them, only means She is in HIS life, yes. Worst case scenario, She MAY replace you in HIS life, but she'll never replace you in your kids' lives. You'll always be their only mom.
And if she's a "nice enough" woman to your kids, be glad. Don't be insecure or resentful, be grateful she's not mean to them. It's much worse when that happens. And let's remember that they should not be put in the middle of this. IF and when they do meet her, you can't ask them to hate her or to "choose" you. There is no choice to make. Understood?
I'm only just getting to know them myself, and I can't bear the idea of someone else coming into their lives in such an influential role.
He's dating a woman, not marrying her, not just yet. IF she's "Daddy's girlfriend" I don't think that means she's in "Such an influential role"...at least not yet. Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. That is your fearful anxiety talking now.
there are days where I feel like such a complete failure, can't keep my m together, can't be a good mum, can't manage my finances.
We have all been there^^^ and it is not a fun place to be. But we survived. You know, the "successful DBers" here are not necessarily the ones who restored their marriages.
They are the ones who saved themselves, and sometimes that meant saving their marriages. But it always means they themselves became better, more loving and happier people, regardless of the ultimate choices they and their spouses made about their marriage...
You can become the woman you were meant to become.
Oddly, this whole painful ordeal can be the catalyst for tremendous personal growth and a real awakening in us. MANY DB friends have told me that despite the pain of their marital crisis, it was worth it for them to "find themselves". I can see that possibility in you.
as far as the anxiety goes, I showed none last night, I waited until I got home to fall apart and wail, wring my hands etc.
Good for you. Soon the time spent wringing your hands, will lessen and ease up, if you let it. And stay on course with this b/c it is such a good start.
I feel h and I are so entangled still, regarding the boys, finances.
well you are entangled with kids and money issues. But that works itself out in time.
Oh, when it comes to finances, do Make sure you put the boys interest ahead of any pride issues (if they come up).
I say this b/c I knew a woman here who "refused any support" from her ex h, the father of her four kids. And she and the kids lived in squalor for the next decade, but she was so proud of how "independent" she was, and did not mention that she refused to allow her ex to see the kids and back then, she was sort of allowed to do that when the h didn't pay support, even if she turned it down!
Times have changed but the point I really wanted to make with her example was that it wasn't her money to refuse; it belonged to the kids. She could turn down alimony if she wanted to show HER independence from her h. Do you get my point? To be clear, I'm not suggesting you turn down anything, but I do think a visit to a lawyer would be smart for you.
Knowledge is power and it tends to lessen anxiety when we have specific answers and ways to address our fears. You need do nothing but gather information when you meet the L, you need not do anything like file for a separation or divorce. Just get some information so you are not operating in the dark about finances.
It'll make you feel more empowered and in control of more. Seriously, you need to make sure you know your rights. You do not need to tell your h this either.
I want to stand on my own two feet, for the first time in my 39 years, I want to be able to say I did that and be proud of myself.
I understand this^^^ and like I said, these ordeals can be catalysts for great personal growth and discovery and confidence.
yes, I still want to be m to my husband, or start a new r with him.
I am going to start reading dr again, beginners mindset.
Makes sense. Can you also call a lawyer (or solicitor?) there and get some information so you know your rights? You'll also be able to ask if you have any control over if and or when OW meets your kids.
tomorrow I will pick the boys up from h and drop them at daycare.
I will get myself a hot cohoclate, I will order stock so I can work to earn money to support myself and my boys.
I will go and look at more houses, there will be the perfect house for us out there.
I will eat well because I have to look after me so can be well for myself and our boys.
I will write down all the money I owe for bills etc, and if I can't do it on my own, I will seek out someone who can help me(not h)
I will strive every day to become the woman that a man would be a fool to leave.
That's the way to focus! Look at what you CAN do and what you CAN control and then implement it and DO it.
(Any specific GAL activities coming up? I hammer them b/c I know they help.)
Great work!! 
ok, so today is a new day, last night I let myself cry, howl, feel sorry for myself, got angry with h and ow(swore a lot, good thing I was home by myself!)
this morning, I got up, told the universe what I want, had shower, curled my hair(because I can, because the boys aren't here to distract me!)
I put my big girl boots on, put music on really loud- I love P!nk
I got in my car, went to h house to pick up the twins for day care, I was cheerful, upbeat, and swinging my curls.
tried not to backslide as h seemed to be in and mood(follow on from his mood last night. mmmm, maybe it throws him off when Im not cranky??
dropped the boys off at day care, got myself a hot chocolate, rang h to let him know what is happening today at day care, asked him if we were alright(I know hit me with the 2x4 now)
he said of course, its just the boys being the boys stressing him out, validated(I completely understand-they are crazy!!)
hung up and then to get myself out of my own headspace, I rang up my best friend.
I ordered stock so I can work this afternoon, I'm looking at a house today before I start work, so all positive there, had to let h know about house as he is paying a portion of the rent, he said they're nice houses, he's seen the inside of a couple of them, felt like he's pushing me to move into something, feel like he's constantly pushing, but i'm letting that go through to the keeper for now.
I can do this, I am going to take each day as it comes, I am going to be the woman any man would be a fool to leave
keep on keeping on. Your growth won't be linear -- but it WILL continue if you nurture it. You will be happy again.
We are all pulling for you, so keep us posted!
Wooohoo, I've got a new house to move into, just have to organize the bond and when to move etc...
Great stuff watto... good luck!
I received a phone call from a potential client wanting to use gift vouchers, which had expired, as I like to do what I can to help, I said that I'd be happy to honor them as long as they were not too far past the expiration.
The client would only give me her first name, I have just found out that this "client" is actually the ow....I hate game players. grrr
I received a phone call from a potential client wanting to use gift vouchers, which had expired, as I like to do what I can to help, I said that I'd be happy to honor them as long as they were not too far past the expiration.
The client would only give me her first name, I have just found out that this "client" is actually the ow....I hate game players. grrr
How tacky! Tell her expired means expired.
I hate gift vouchers that have expired: it's such a con. But in this case ... what a cheeky ***. I agree with pilot.
seriously, this is the woman who he wants right now? some who plays games like this?? kind of says where his head is at right now.
I received a phone call from a potential client wanting to use gift vouchers, which had expired, as I like to do what I can to help, I said that I'd be happy to honor them as long as they were not too far past the expiration.
The client would only give me her first name, I have just found out that this "client" is actually the ow....I hate game players. grrr
Seriously????
SMH
and h and ow are now friends on Fb, wow its all happening in a big hurry...
righto, Dr from the beginning again, here we go....
So how about seeing a lawyer for some knowledge?
I probably would mention to h that his OW called you with that "game" (which was odd at best, cruel at worst)
and leave it at that. Drop it. Do not engage further. And see a lawyer. I don't understand the reluctance to do that, b/c you cannot afford NOT to have the information you need to make smart decisions that protect you and your kids.
and the hits keep coming, today I went to see my mil, h told her about ow last night, he wants his mother and step dad to meet her.
h has had ow come to his house late at night, hide her car in a parking lot and then walk over to his house.
I am absolutely broken, I don't think I can take much more, I don't even know what I would say to him when I see him tomorrow when I go to pick up the boys.
everything is moving so quickly, its all a blur, we have been separated for four months, obviously he's been seeing her for longer.
25mlc, I haven't seen a solicitor yet as up until this point I saw no need, one because I believed that he wanted time to sort himself out, two because we always said it was about the boys first, and third because up until the last 3 days(and yes I know he's lied in the past) he has never been THIS man, I don't even see a glimmer of who my h was.
I don't whether to tell him all that I know, or to simply pick up the boys and take them home.
please, I know there will 2x4's coming, but could the blows be lighter, I really just need to know that I'm not alone right now, that others have come out the other side.
I'd say nothing watto when getting boys. Act 'as if'. Do not show any pain or hurt. You can do it!!!
You're not alone. Others have come out on the other side. Read Train's thread in infidelity, it is astounding.
See a solicitor. It will set your mind at ease.
Don't talk to your H when you get your boys. You are in shock and need time to process.
I'm not sending you a 2x4 because what you need is a hug. So...
(((Watto)))
thanks bashy and maybell, it is unbelievable all the shinola that is coming out now, that h has been lying for the at least the last 2 years about money, gambling, he went through nearly $30k inheritance, gambled.
is this mlc? the lying, infidelity, total disregard for anyone else's feelings?
I am in total shock, but yes bashy, better to just pick up the boys and hug them and squeeze them and bring them home.
maybell, ill go read trains thread now.
thank you both for being kind, I wish the tears wouls stop
I'm so sorry.
yes, it sounds like MLC, but I'm no expert.
Believe in yourself.
I do love their official versions of events.
I met my soul mate the day after you left! Mmmm really? Paint me green and call me gumby. That was hell lucky
I think mine has money issues, more than he lets on. He's been selling stuff, nothing like a good fire sale. Nothing like sneering and half smiling while handing out insults or even verbal abuse.
Do not believe anything period, unless its witness and signed by the pope, god and lord Buddha himself simliatously. Protect watto first.
thanks gg, it is so bizzare, up to even a week ago, i recognised some elements of my h, but some weird possession seems to have occurred, the things i have been told over the last couple of days are incredible, and though i knew about a lot of the lies over the last year or so, there is sooo much more...
i think now, h is at a point he has lied so much, it's easier to walk away from his and family, start a new life with ow, rather than face up to all the lies.
even his former best friend(i say former because h hasn't really spoken to him since we s, obviously because he was afraid of being caught out about ow) said last night that everything h has built is a house of cards, and that its only going to a feather to fall and it all crumbles.
and after all of this, i still want be married to the a*sehat!
Mines best mate, is still his friend in fact he's very church religion orientated but his wife let the a since October last year out of the bag. Aparently mates ok with that, he refuses to even say hello to me.
Make sure you look after your rights legally tho. Hind sight is wonderful if there's nothing left.
in my h case it's only a lie if he doesn't believe it. He re wrote the last 5 years.
hey forgot to ask gg, youre in oz too?
Yeah! Barrybran is too.
Law in au says 2 years to file for settlement. I thought before that there was no rush, but if they spend or dispose it can get messy.
Defacto law too is now close personal relationship, 6months or so. My h is now defacto with ow. Given the defacto law, which can get legally messy should someone die!
fortunately, and unfortunately, h and i own no property, or have any money-plenty o debt though!
i own a car worth $5k and that's it.
i have just had a friend call me up who found that h is seeing ow, this friend went to school with ow and knows a lot people she knows. apparently ow is a gold digger- she really didn't think about that with h, a major game player, and this would all just be the thrill of the chase for her, and that she would be the driving force behind the big rush, but once the dust settles, and no one cares, she will 'chew him up and spit him out', at the moment he's arm candy, and if he is going into more debt to keep her happy, once the money runs out on his end, she'll get rid of him.
i know its dumb, but i feel sorry for him, and i don't think he'll come back from this, at least not in one piece, he's my h, he's my a*sehat, and the father of our kids, i really do want him to be ok.
i'm on the nsw/vic border, where are you gg(or are we not allowed to ask? sorry if we're not)
Your close. I live in a very small place in which every thing is known and if they don't they make it up. So I won't say any more.
Mine picked a woman 2.5 hours way and 10 years older. Same age as him, which he said was too old. Given local gossip she is also money motivated. I'm surprised she's been around since oct, pa started in feb and counting. My threads a mess, I was on ads for a while and my Brain was fryed.
In my first m, I had to take a debt settlement. So I've had it both ways.
Just be careful there is no added debt in your name, relationships Australia do mediation to get that sort of thing under control. Legal aid can provide advice from nowra they also travel to outling areas and ra are Canberra based for everything south.
I'm hearing you go, I live in a bloody small town, every one knows everything about everything here too, my H ow lives in a town half an hour away, but works here in town, awesome!!
I will look into the financial and legal side of things this week, along with packing, taking the dog to the vet (looks like mone and h first fur baby will be having to go to sleep-hes lost heaps of weight, has issues walking
playing with the kids, dealing with dept of housing...well at least I'll be busy
I'm sure the dpt of house will keep you bogged down in a gal fashion! Lol I'm not envious of that task.
Maybe check out some of the karma stories I have on my thread. Some of them Truely sad. It does seems karma comes, and takes its toll.
My fave saying which h never understood was
Don't get even, get ahead!
I'm so far a ahead in 6months, it's incredible, not that there is no emotional toll or baggage.
Living well is the best revenge. So as one of my besties says tits up, out and walk on with dignity. It does make you feel bettera!
Today my H and I had to put our beautiful 15 yr old dog to sleep, we were both crying, he was such a good dog, truly one in a million, he was found wandering onto a farm and usually farmers shoot on site, but they took one look at him and thought they'd be better trying to get someone to take him, 6 weeks went by and no one wanted him, and just before they had him put down they placed one last ad, and I answered it literally hours before his demise, that was 10 years ago, he has been through everything with us, played with, protected and loved all of us, unconditionally.
He will missed, H is coming over shortly so that we can tell our 7 yr old together.
That's pretty sad. Loosing dogs is hard, I've had heaps over the years.
Our latest loss was a 16yo chi, I phone h and yet again he ignored the call dog was going down hill. Asked him to phone back, when he had time. Well yes 6 days later, and s16 had to shoot his own dog, dog was unable to stand snd poor dog had wet himself.
Later when I got that return call 6 days later, I was so pi$$ed orf, all I could do was tell him he shut the door, I'm not discussing s16 and my life with you. Sigh how can they go so hard hearted towards the step son, but then expect s16 will want to spend time with him?
Shakes head at how he thinks he's upright and honnerable!
I honestly didn't think I would grieve like I have today, I know most of it was for our gorgeous dog, but for me it was another ending in our r. H an I have had our dog since the first 6 months we were together. feels like yet another reminder of where we are now.
Our eldest son hasn't really said much, H and I told him to get, poor s7 got flustered and started to giggle, and then felt bad, I told him it's ok to laugh, that it's just nerves.
H was emotional when telling s7, visibly crying. talked to him briefly later tonight, I think he was also aware that the passing of our dog was the end of an era for our r.
gg, how awful for you and your son, I can't imagine how painful that would have been for your son, I am grateful that my H and I were able to do it together.
H also paid my holding deposit for my new house today so that was nice, I thanked him and said as soon as my money went in, I'd return it, he said just make sure you're OK.
Long, emotional day today.
to my beautiful puppy, where ever you are, I hope that you always get the last lick in xo
s7 woke up this morning saying he had a tummy ache and felt sad about our dog, I gave him lots of tlc, made the decision to keep him home from school, spend the day with me, I did this because I think that yesterday was probably just icing on the cake for him, his when world has been turned upside down, the twins are only three, and though I know they are aware of what's going on, it's a little simpler for them and they have each other, I took s7 to see our new house today, he seemed to like it, so that made me happy, we had a minor argument, about him buying a toy which quickly escalated into him saying he hated me and that I'm just a liar (this doesn't bother me, he's 7 and lashing out, I can take it) however I believe I'm at a point where h needs to see this behavior, so I rang him for back up, H came down and had a chat with s7, the situation again back in control.
glad h came and he thanked me for calling him.
I think he may be starting to see the impact of his decision.
he's come around tonight to drop off boxes, I had a client that he knows so we were all just had a brief chat.
When h last client said she couldn't believe we're s, she said he still flirty talks to you like a w, interesting enough she's the second person to say that today.
hmm mmm, strange days...
madly packing today, I move into my new place on Friday,have been dealing with the dept of housing all morning, that is not a fun task, I received a letter from the guy I rent space from in regards to my business, he's a total a*se hole, H rang this morning at the wrong moment and it was just too much, H volunteering g to help, I semi broke down, god u hate him knowing I'm defeated. H said he would speak to the guy about the issues at my work, which he did, I and I thanked for it too. I don't get it, why is he being so nice, I mean he is a nice guy, one of the reasons I love him, he says he's not doing it out of guilt, that he just wants to help, it just seems a little weird to me, any of the men on this forum want to shed some light? I've never been on this position before and I have no idea how to db/dr this.
I've had a surreal day, very surreal. I will update my thread, come chat if you want watto.
It's tough, when things aren't as you expect. H family have decided I'm the total enemy, which given I had my mediation this week is ok with me.
tonight was tough, I had a minor meltdown, didn't adhere to very many of sandi's rules, just a long tough day, packing, twins going crazy, dept of housing, s7 is booked in for counselling(that's a small positive.)
h came over, one because its family night and two to help dismantle the kids beds, help with some packing.
iwas already flat by the time he got here, and when I started to pack away all our joint memory things, wedding stuff, home videos family mementos, I really lost it, he asked what was wrong, I said I was sick of being the keeper of the sh*t(you know all the stuff that reminds you of what was, why do women always end up with that stuff??) and I think I then launched into I had every right to angry, p*ssed off, and hurt, and that in the past few weeks id done pretty well holding it all together. h didn't really argue too much, took it in.
I did apologise straight away, explained that its just been a rough couple of days, then I started to cry, he was giving me hugs, kisses on the top of my head, saying that he'd do anything to help, and that he really was sorry. that he wasn't helping because he felt guilty, but that he wanted to help.
a little later he said he would like to take some of our memories, photos etc, just not right now(as in tonight) I said take your time they'll be there.
there was a pile of framed photos sitting on top, and h asked if he could take the one on top, I said sure, it was one of us on our wedding day, kissing. I didn't react, but wth??
we were talking in general later, about his house and my house, and it was a nice easy conversation, I said to him, at some point we are going to have to talk about the elephant in the room, he said yes we do, I was referring to the ow, I think he may have been talking about d. good god, how do you navigate around all this?
as he was leaving, he said he'd try to get someone to watch the boys tomorrow night so he could come over and help a bit more(the boys will be with him tomorrow night) I said that would be great if he could, but I would understand if he couldn't, that I appreciated all the help he had given so far.
we had to move our cars around as he was going, he's leaned in the car window to say goodbye and gave me a kiss(again ????)
when I was going inside, I didn't even think, I just did what I normally used to do and yelled out "love ya!" (and then inwardly cringed-told you no dbing here tonight) and he responded with "love you too"
maybe there was a little bit of db in there tonight, I would never in the past had a meltdown(and trust me they've been much worse) and apologised straight away, iwould sulked and ben like a dog with a bone, just kept repeating the same vitriol over and over.
I wouldn't have seen the look on his face and seen this is actually affecting him too, that he responds to my responses.
hmmmm, just a tough place to be in, the move will be a great thing, a new start, a new outlook.
have I a whole lot of damage tonight? I don't know, I saw a few positives, but I could reading into things?? thoughts anyone?
Sending you hugs, Watto.
And, you're where you're supposed to be on the path. Honestly - maybe all of that went exactly as it was supposed to go, hm?
Here's to new beginnings! (Even if it's with--or especially if it's with--old friends and partners!)
thanks mlp, maybe your right, maybe this is exactly where I'm meant to be, I know patience is a big lesson for me. I like the idea of new beginnings with old friends and partners:) keep that porch light on...
so h sent this text before:
"hey, I am sorry for everything that has happened. You know that I'll do whatever I can to help out whenever I can. As for the money side of things, I'll never keep score on whats been given or whats been received(besides you're about to become a world famous model, and I'll sponge off you then , lol, not the model thing, the sponge thing for the lol.
just vacuumed up all the murray fur, a little tear did pop up..have a great night ssleep, new day tomorrow. x"
so I responded
"thank you for that, it means a lot to hear you say sorry, maybe you could elaborate for me sometime, its hard on all of right now and I truly appreciate all that you do. sad to hear about the fur thing, it would have been aweful. not sure about being a world famous model, I'll settle for getting out of my comfort zone lol. tomorrow IS a new day for of us, remember jesus loves you lol. x"
then he went on to text a few more times telling me about how he listened to me say that he needs to make his house more a home than a halfway house, and that he's putting rugs in, and sent pics to prove it, and that he's thinking of going back to study, all of which I validated and said what a great job he's doing, and even now while I'm typing he's texting me, even though he's already texted goodnight, he's texting me articles his dad kept from when h was born....
what truly bizarre night, but it's really lovely to see that glimmer of h, and really nice to be included in his thoughts.
That's sounding positive. I did smile at the keeping score, my h said that but then bought a list of what I owed him over! Lol it can get really crazy.
dropped the boys off at h this morning, he asked what I thought of his home improvements, I told him that he did a great job, and then he showed me the articles he'd been talking about last night, I took the time to read them and made some fun/light comments.
off I went then to work for the last time where I've been renting space, thank god that's done!! h rang to see how I went, and if I'd worked out how to.pump up my tire, yes I know, I should know how to pump up my tires, but I've never had to, so I was pretty chuffed with myself when I told him I had.
I then had to go to the vet to organize the cremation of our beautiful dog, had to ring h back to let him know how much etc, dropped off the receipt for this to him on my way home, as he was at work I fully walked to hand the receipt over and keep going, H started to initiate convo. talking about everyday stuff, finances, getting the car serviced, that he didn't think he'd be able to get a bsitter to watch the boys tonight so he could continue to help me pack, I said that I was great fun for the offer but I would be OK if he couldn't help.
I kept it light, and we did our usual talk to you later.
It was a really good encounter, I feel my nerves have gone when I'm around h now, and that's weird because I know about ow now. or is it because I do know about the ow, that the nerves have gone, that now at least I have an idea of what I'm dealing with?
and whilst on that topic, why did h have all these great text with me last night (and I'm not complaining in the slightest) and not the ow, you know the types of convos/texts you send when you're getting to know someone
I'm seeing small positive changes and I'm scared I'm going to do something really stupid, so vets, I'm asking for some advice, please.....
dropped the boys off at h this morning, he asked what I thought of his home improvements, I told him that he did a great job, and then he showed me the articles he'd been talking about last night, I took the time to read them and made some fun/light comments.
off I went then to work for the last time where I've been renting space, thank god that's done!! h rang to see how I went, and if I'd worked out how to.pump up my tire, yes I know, I should know how to pump up my tires, but I've never had to, so I was pretty chuffed with myself when I told him I had.
I then had to go to the vet to organize the cremation of our beautiful dog, had to ring h back to let him know how much etc, dropped off the receipt for this to him on my way home, as he was at work I fully walked to hand the receipt over and keep going, H started to initiate convo. talking about everyday stuff, finances, getting the car serviced, that he didn't think he'd be able to get a bsitter to watch the boys tonight so he could continue to help me pack, I said that I was great fun for the offer but I would be OK if he couldn't help.
I kept it light, and we did our usual talk to you later.
It was a really good encounter, I feel my nerves have gone when I'm around h now, and that's weird because I know about ow now. or is it because I do know about the ow, that the nerves have gone, that now at least I have an idea of what I'm dealing with?
and whilst on that topic, why did h have all these great text with me last night (and I'm not complaining in the slightest) and not the ow, you know the types of convos/texts you send when you're getting to know someone
I'm seeing small positive changes and I'm scared I'm going to do something really stupid, so vets, I'm asking for some advice, please.....
keep doing what you are doing which brings in the positive changes. Do not worry why he is texting you. Accept it for the positive it is. You seem to be on the right path and bringing in positive reaction.
Keep up the good work!
Thanks pilot, think I'll just keep being me, happy me, think positive!!
Today is moving day, I've been on the go since 5 am, even though I'm only moving around the corner, it's still a big task. I got a gorgeous surprise today, my mil and her husband came up to help me move, it was a really lovely thing for them to do, she said she had spoken to h during the week and he seems really stressed, the ow has told him he is to limit all contact with me and that to prove that he loves/cares for her, he has to delete me from Fb, which he did, but then refriended me a day later.
I cannot believe this w is 42! she is 3 years older than me, and behaving like a child. she already has my H, what more does she want? Interestingly, she is behaving exactly like I have in the past, and h will only take so much.
I can't wait for the boys to see the house tomorrow, I'm pretty proud of myself, I've pretty much done this all y myself
Well done. Movings tough, I'm glad I didn't have to.
I'm just glad its Friday, I need my weekend to relax and recover. Big week extra jobs and busy times at work. Throw in a funeral to make things Interesting, I'm tired.
gg, that sounds like an awfully busy week, I hate funerals, I'm the one who everyone take because even if I didn't know the person I cry.
The ow is really putting the screws into h, it's almost funny, if my kids weren't being affected. so for the last 3 nights h has been text me telling me the day to day stuff, even though by the sounds of it, he's been told not to. be the woman any man would be a fool to leave.
I have my head held high, I have achieved a lot in a really short time, and tomorrow my boys get to see the new home I've set up for us.
It's ok, it's my life. I always work extra jobs in winter. Often 3 or so. I don't work so much at other times, so I squirrel away money.
I got told last night I have archived more than most people, achieve in a very short space, my thread has the funeral story on it. It was odd!
At least your husband, keeps contact mine doesn't! Period, he seems to have no fear or worry that he will lose me.
I had the boys yesterday while h was at work, I got to bring them to our new house, they loved it! The bunk beds were an absolute hit, I feel more comfortable in this house than my previous one, it feels more me
when h finished work he got all my work stuff from the place I had been renting space, I was truly thankful and I told him so, it wasn't something he had to do but yet took the time to help me out.
We've had three nights in a row of texting, just everyday stuff, at his initiative, which has been really nice, it's one of the tthings I miss.
last night I had a party for a friend's birthday at one of the local pubs, great night ,lots of laughs, dancing and good food, I went to the bar at one stage and turned around and there's the ow, I held it together and walked off, didn't acknowledge her at all, and I know she knows who I am...The joys of living in a small town.
keep my head held high and be me, the best version of me!
I am going to have a lazy me today, I get the boys back tomorrow so I am going to take full advantage of this day to finish unpacking, get the card making mojo started
I have the boys back with me for the next four days, it was great to pick them up and bring them 'home', great to a proper meal for us all(I've been living on frozen meals and take away for the past three days, with move etc)
I have clients booked in this week, and i'm thinking of doing a" Moving house/salon" special this week just to boost the coffers.
I've had a little bit of time to think about my sitch over the past couple of days, and I'm quietly optimistic at this point.
h is communicating more, whether it is to ask a generic question, or for help with the boys, we laugh a little more.
interesting thought, I ask the universe each morning what I would like to happen, and last week it was an intimate kiss from h. I went through the week, nothing happened, or so I thought.
last night I was telling h that I dropped my favourite bottle of perfume, and as I was telling him, I leant my head forward to the centre of his chest, he then did the double arm rub, and kissed the top of my head(that's the third time this week hes kissed the top of my head) now I know that doesn't sound very intimate in the traditional sense of the word, but I believe(and I know a lot of people who think the same) is it very personal.
it kind of makes me smile on the inside.
h has not mentioned ow again to his mother, and I certainly don't bring her up at all, the closest I came was yesterday when I noticed a bottle of brandy on h shelf, I asked him about it, and I could hear the lie forming before it even came out, I made light of it and changed the subject, he's not a brandy drinker, has always hated it. similarly when I went to pick up the boys this morning I noticed diet coke in the pantry(the kids were in it, I didn't snoop!)I just said diet coke? and he got quite defensive, so again i changed the subject, moved on- I know this doesn't sound like much, but that was huge for me, old me would have harped on about it until h was forced to either come up with a very convoluted story or he would have clammed up, or got completely exasperated.
i think h is starting to relax around me, I'm not holding out to hear much from him in the next couple of days as, except for family night on wedneday.
so much i want to write, but i think fatigue is kicking in, and i feel like i'm talking in circles.
any feedback is more than welcome and appreciated
He's contacting, and still sounding like he cares. Maybe the ow, is on the decline.
I'm with Gg....Maybe things are waning.
And I love the thought of asking the universe for what you want. I'll have to do that!
I have a beautiful friend who has been with me throughout this whole journey and she was the one who started me on the universe journey, as you wake every morning, ask the universe what you want, for me it's small things, and you say it either out loud or in your head, and usually around five times. It's a bit like dbing, you have to look for the small signs...
Also giving thanks to the universe is a big thing too, which I am, I guess this is my spirituality, I don't have a religious belief, and I don't go to church, but I have faith and I always (even on my darkest days) have hope.
I think the ow is certainly exerting her presence in his life and I think it may be getting him a bit stressed, which works in my favor...she's behaving like I did when I was at my worst, telling him what he can and can't do, he may comply for a while but in the end he'll run, look where I am right now....
That seems to be the way things go! You detach, they chase, the mask starts to slip....
I will have to start thinking about giving thanks to and making requests of the universe. I love it.
today has been a weird one, on one hand, I was busy all day with clients, which was great, and working from home again is awesome, I can get things done between clients and i'm enjoying my new home.
minimal communication with h today, all old house related or kids related, which isn't a bad thing, just felt more distance than the past few days, I know he's obviously spending time with the ow while he doesn't have the boys, and though I know it's a real thing, it still smarts, especially after the 'closeness' of last week.
i'm assuming this is the dance that happens when the ow is now out in the open so to speak. and my role now is to continue to be the best version of me.
and I guess that I need to detach a little more, in a friendly way, let him know the porch light is on, give him him the space to work this through, remember that he has his own part in this journey, and I have to continue with mine.
having said all that I would dearly love to kick her in the head, I know that's not very nice, and i'd never even acknowledge her presence, but man, just one smack, right in the kisser!!
i'm sure I've asked/said it before, but all this backward/forward stuff is normal isn't it, the wah lets the guard down alittle, panics, guard goes up(in my opinion) and no doubt pressure from the ow....sigh, keep on moving forward
You're doing great watto. Keep the head held high and continue to enjoy your kids. I'm rooting for!!
thanks bashy, I think I'm doing ok, just harder some days than others, nights like tonight when there's nothing to do, the kids are in bed, the mind wanders, and I know I can't contact h because he'll be with ow.
I know I have to let their 'r' run its course, but geez, hurry up and implode already lol...
I know those feelings. Alone at night. WAW with OM at weekends. It's tough but you're coping way better than me but I'm gonna try and take some inspiration from you.
Yeah, going into my 8th month! Of more of the same. But I'm moving on, and suspect if I get asked out I seriously might have to consider it, as this whole a things not getting any less.
Quick question, I have the 5LL, how do I work out h? I know how he would respond to most of the questions, but how would it be truly accurate unless they filled out the questions hhimself, and I don't think it would be appropriate to ask him to answer the questions at this point.
I've got the angry's today, I'm angry I'm in this position, I'm angry h runs hoy and cold, I'm angry ow is in the picture, I'm angry h is off to see the wrestling next week with ow ( I assume) I would love to go, I'm angry I have the boys for an extra night so he can go to his old football club and feasibly take her, I was never included when we wwere together.
I am trying to calm down, bit everything just seems too much today. family night tonight and I don't want to be in this mind frame when h turns up or I'll just explode and say or do something regrettable...
It's sounding like the day for it, the weathers yucky and I'm on a downerish swing too!
Must be time for a new thread, for me as I got another slap in the face!
Oh gg, that su*ks, what a less than stellar day all round, what slap did you get this time? my H was here for family night, and though I wasn't outwardly antagonistic, I wasn't overly friendly either...somedays I just want to slap him!
In my thread, it's the same one, but third times the charm right!
Pokes tounge out and does a big fat raspberry! Cop that world...
I'll second that raspberry gg, you know what? We are pretty bloody awesome, what's that saying that your friend told you...tits out..??
Tits out up, onwards and upwards with dignity.
It was her fave saying her husband passed last year. It's a bit Australian maybe for some in USA.
Show your a$re walking away with class as fast as you can! (Different mate, but her disabled daughter uses that one when expletive people are rude to her)
This morning I've woken up with a better mindset, part of my anger yesterday was more to do with hurt, when I saw that h had booked a hotel (and an expensive one at that) for his trip to the city next week, it hurt because we never did that, and similarly, that he's taking her to events that I would have gone to...now, but during my negative phase I would have automatically said no, to punish him and be in control.
then I think the anger is more to do with me, that I got myself into this position, and now I'm working my way through.
The ow really is nothing, an extension of the addiction to making h feel happy, would he have been tempted by her if he was truly in a good place? I know him well enough to say no, did I majorly contribute to the sitch, hell yes. that I can see that now is huge.
The ow is a game player, this I do know, and is not happy that I'm a large part of H's life, this won't change for quite a while given the age of our boys, and the fact that we are, at the core, friends.
I am happy with the way I handled family night last night, I contained my anger, and actually felt it dissipate, only backslid a tiny bit, and interestingly enough, it was then that h reaches out for physical contact with a hug, which I let be brief (always the rescuer is my h)
I made the decision(to see the response) to text h later in the night to see if he'd managed to get the last of his stuff our of the garage at the old house.
I didn't expect much of a response, given I have the boys, and he would probably be with ow. I was pleasantly surprised by his response, just light hearted banter, a nice way to end the night.
An easy end to an average day..
today I have clients, this is good, good for the coffers, good for me to interact, I've got friends coming over tomorrow night and I'm rreally looking forward to that.
Hopefully the sun is out is out for you too.
Nice he replied, mine often would be the same, no reply I read as ow was around.
Although if he thought it from ss (my phone typed by me
) he would answer no matter what. The impression that created was one of pettyness and punishment. One if his ways of control.
I doubt he has even noticed the nc. Yes I think he's that consumed by ow, I decided some time ago if he doesn't contact first then it will be nc.
My thoughts he can chase ow 200+ km 10km or a text or a call is not difficult. I'm totally in non pursuit mode.
The sun is out right now, but the weather is supposed to turn ugly later, that's OK, I'll take any sun I can get lol, this new house is awesome, sunlight streams in everywhere, feeling my inner cat coming out, want to curl up in the sun and sleep
So major backslide tonight, i had to pick up our dogs ashes for the vet, so I was overly emotional, I've had 4 people ring up for appts today, that didn't want to book for another day and wouldn't leave their names (this is very very odd) and as I was telling h this when he ddropped off s7 after karate, I decide to rehash the fact that his ow had rung up to use eexpired vouchers, and that I didn't like game pplayers . stupid stupid move on my behalf. and to top it off I knew he was going to see her, and instead of leaving it light and breezy, I was bloody crying over the dog, when will I get it? When will I learn, Faaarrr out!!!
Don't fret Watto. We all backslide. Check my thread as an example lol. But it's what you learn from it. Tomorrow is another day. Keep the chin up. You're doing fine!!!
It's ok to cry for your dog!
I have happy updates.
gg, c'mon, I need happy right now....share!!!
There is a joke for ya! In the thread, also you will get to meet my new bf as he's called.
ok, I don't know how to do this, but wondering how to get Train or starsky to look at my threads, would be really interested in their input, and don't want to hijack someone elses thread.
Can you stop him cheating with ow?
nope !
Can you say anything right in ow or his eyes right now?
nope
Can you be you and better and nicer sure.
Most of the information is on everyone's thread, pick on that most suits you.
Lay down the rule of no m/friends while ow. Which s gives out regularly.
You can glean tips from nearly ever single thread. You have kids so there will be more contact.
In my case my child is mine his adult child is his. None between, nothing to keep the door open. Even tho we both lived in a small town, I have never met h. Even tho my relatives knew him. So in 30 years we had never ever crossed paths.
It can be that way again. If things stay in the ditch it will be that way, I cannot do friends with x partners bf or h.
What is it especially need?
Those that come here might be able to throw out some ideas.
I think you need delta!
I once had her come thru work last year, it was terrible to see all the people mobbing her. She seemed nice.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tFFq31fBoeIAnd maybe google Shepard Geronimo! That sings rocks loud in my mobile disco.
Knocks on screen, so hope your ok watto!
I'm on bizaro land right now, last 36 hrs have been weird to say the least.
Friday woke up determined to db my way out of my funk, worked well, had a great day, a fair amount of interaction with h mostly to do with getting the last of stuff out of our old house, H had to drop off some things to my house that night as I 2 as headed put for dinner with a friend, we ended up getting a lift with h instead of taxi (2 min car ride)
so that was fine, and then I took all of my good independent work and threw it away, H had left some money on our joint account and I decided that it would be a great idea (mmm sarcasm inserted here) to spend a shed load of it in the pokies, stellar idea on my behalf, and my even more brilliant justification was that h has spent $709 on a hotel for him and ow next week.
so this morning, full of remorse, I fessed up to h, and he wasn't happy and I totally get it, I wouldn't have been either, so of course I did what I do and after apologizing, I cried, though at least not hysterically, got the boys, came home.
Then when h finished work he was coming to my place to lay the floor in my home salon, I thanked him and again apologised for last night's actions.
He was comforting me, this is the pattern I see with h, the more I seem to crumble, the more he feels he needs to look after me,and it does my head in!
I then had to drop the boys to his place and by this stage I am over tired, over thinking and teetering on the edge, H then insists I stay for dinner with him and the boys, and somehow, he was talking to a friend of his and they decided they would go out, H asked if I would watch the boys, that he'd pay me (Umm I'm their mother not a freaking babysitter) I said I don't mind staying with them but refused to be paid and that if I found out I was being treated like a chump while he met up with ow, I would be really p*ssed, he then tells me ow is away for weekend with her d,(who does this a lot apparently)
so right now I am currently on h couch watching pay tv, eating his chocolate, with all the heaters set on high. Welcome to bizaro land....
on a another note, well not that different, heard some interesting info on the sitch between h and ow, seems they've already had a couple of arguments about her "behavior" around her male friends, seems h isn't very happy about how "friendly" she is, interesting considering they're still meant to be in that 'honeymoon' period that the cracks are already starting to show....
Hands watto the pop corn bucket.
I watched strictly ballroom, boy is gus hot! And young looking
Just keep walking away.
Lol gg, my thoughts exactly, H has been texting me for the past hour telling what he's doing, has said I'm more than welcome to stay the night if I want? yep, bizaro.....
I'm watching criminal minds, don't mind me a bit of shemar Moore
Hi watto14, just thought I'd check in here and say it sounds like you are doing an awesome job! Enjoy Criminal Minds!
Hugs, Lisa
So I am still at h, he came home very drunk at a hideous hour of the morning, insisted I stay, and that it was ok to sleep in his bed ( a few weeks ago when I stayed over to be here for the twins bday, he slept on the couch) we both got into bed, told bad jokes and went to sleep.....no physical contact, but hey in the same bed, complete turnaround from a few week ago.
My thought was maybe the grog, had made him in the mood for loving!
Oh well it's good, but maybe just the booze talking, so no expectations.
interesting day today, I have watched h and observed...so this morning, I got up, gave the boys breakfast, hung out with them for an hour, then went to let h know I wad going home, he again thanked me for watching the boys last night, again no physical contact.
I came home, pottered around, enjoyed the quiet.
got a call from h asking if could drop off the pram, no issues there, I met him down the street, he had decided to go to a town close by to see if he could pick up some electric blankets for the boys, asked if I was doing anything and if I wanted to come along, I said sure, so off we go.
halfway there we get a phone call from our old landlord saying how bad the house looked, that the cleaners we'd paid a fortune to do am exit clean had done a terrible job and that the new people were moving in today, so our trip turned sour very quick, dashed in, couldn't find what he wanted and had to rush back to deal with the house.
I took the boys, and h headed to the house to re clean everything. I made the decision at that point to treat h as a friend, and any friend that was in the same predicament, I would try to help where I could.
so I made dinner for all of us at h house, got the boys organised for bed, organised a sitter so I could go and help h with the final bit of cleaning, all of which he said he appreciated.
by the time got there, H was pretty exhausted, running on little sleep and physically done, I think he must have got a text from ow as I got there as he looked p*ssed off and threw
his phone across the floor.
I chose to ignore it and just asked what I could do to help.
We finally got the job done and we're standing out the front putting all the stuff in his ute. again h thanked me, and I him, gave me a hug and said he'd see me in the morning.
so the observation part, today I wasn't falling apart and not detached as such, but aloofish, H backs the physical contact off and doesn't say as much.
and the fact that ow is back from her weekend away is evident too, he just doesn't seem as happy as someone who is supposed to be in the start of a 'romance'(and I use that term loosely lol)
I think h really does need to 'rescue' or to fix things, people, so when I'm being independent or not needing help (whether it be physically or emotionally) h backs off.
How do you convey vulnerability without looking needy?
I reading 5LL, I think h may be acts of service and or words of affirmation....
may be something to really look at.
I gal with the boys today, we went to a free playgroup run by the local primary school, the boys had a ball and I got to socialise with other mums.
we went to local bakery for lunch and the park in the afternoon.
We hung out at H's place for the day, as I was looking after them while he worked, and I didn't want to confuse them by bringing them home for the day and then taking them back round to h to go to bed.
H has been acting distant since yesterday, did thank me again for helping out over the weekend, which I told him anytime, that he would do the same for me.
He seems unhappy, says he's tired, but you're not with someone for 10 years without picking up on stuff.
I asked if was ok, he said tired, I left it at that. Not my role to push the point anymore.
We have the appointment with the school councilor tomorrow morning, it's just h and I meeting her tomorrow, then we decide on the best course of action to take for s7, how much do you tell the c? I would like her take on the ow an h wanting to introduce her to the boys, but I don't want to rock the boat with h u necessarily, he said he respected my opinion, and I guess my only option is to trust that he will honor that.
It's tough stuff.
Sounds like the ow out her foot down, or he thinks he being unfaithful, to her by being near you.
It's tough.
I agree gg, to both scenarios, so I'm actually glad he's going away with the ow on Thursday for a few days, he can everything he needs from her, I get time to just be...I think I'll also say given that he'll be doing something each night around the boys bed time, we'll put a hold on the goodnight calls for the time he's away, , not as an f you but just do what have to do and we'll see you when you get home. I don't want to be the cause of any more tension in his life, at least not amy that I could prevent by backing off.
This is what a true friend would do, I think, be there if needed, but not in his face.
I think you got it watto.
Let her fill your shoes.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/verymuchso/15-easy-hacks-for-perfect-eyelinerTry some new fancy make up and I'm going to try the rainbow, if I go to the political cocktail party at the end of the month.
Look awesome! I don't leave the house without full war paint and Flicky eyeliner now!
Lol gg, the rainbow one looks interesting, that's all part if what I do for a living, so I never leave the house without some kind of m/up...
she can TRY to fill my shoes, but she'll never be good enough to be me....
Just mix it up, I would.
But then I'm good like that, once you think I'm pegged or certain, it's different.
Just had the meeting with the school councilor about s7, I think it went really well, H came as well, as he really wanted to be there, he was few minutes late so was able to ask whether she thought it would be a good idea for the boys to meet ow, she seems to think it would be a good idea to let the dust settle first and get s7 talking first before introducing a new person, H did not bring her up at all, which I was waiting for, but hey that's OK, we've got some great strategies to put in place for s7, so I'll start tonight with him.
Sent a quick thank you text to h for coming and he responded that he wanted to be there.
and from the way the conversation went with the councilor, family night will stay in place, she thinks it's a great idea, and that we obviously care about each other and the kids, she also gave us the phone number for the family relationship line, that either of us could ring if we needed to talk.
Well use ra, is it a phone service and is it free?
If your a make up guru, share your tips!
Lol not a guru gg, just part of what I do...
Some kind of mind bending is going on with h at the moment I'm sure, he's switched off again, I got a little p*ssed off before, wrote it down, let it go, do what you have to do h, hope she's worth it....
Mine has been tell people she is worth it!
We shall see at mediation. How much! Lol :
Exactly! so the boys and I have decided that we are going to have a house warming party on Saturday night, we've invited family and friends, lots of kids. I thought stuff it, I'm always putting my life on hold, waiting to see what h does, right now he's doing his thong, so we are going to do our thing, and I'm not telling him, the boys can tell him on Sunday when they go to his place.
I'm so excited, I'm getting my hair done, play lots of great music, enjoy my space and my friends and family.
I'm standing for my marriage, but I'm not going to stay stagnant any more.
so tomorrow I'm going to get the twins enrolled in swimming lessons (because they're now 3 I don't have to get in the pool with the anymore Yay!)
then I'm doing make up for a friend's photo shoot in the afternoon, I'm really looking forward to that.
Then it's family night and around we go again.
Isn't it silly how the smallest things make you upset, H had posted something on his Fb page about football, and the only two people commenting were him and ow, and it just made me cry, so dumb.
on a brighter note I have the twins booked in for swimming lessons on Wednesdays starting next week, so that will be awesome for them, and me, another active thing for us to do, just waiting for someone to get back to me about kickboxing classes, might help to get some of the anger out.
had to send h a text before, about dropping off my steam mop, asked ppolitely, said thanks, left it at that. didn't engage or pursue past that. He wants to talk, he knows where to find me. seems to be getting in deeper with ow.
You will be really able to kick ar$e.
You go get em!
Babie and wrapped in plastic jokes were the order of the night rubbish run. The fork lift dudes warped so it passes the time.
Do not look at his fb until you can genuinely laugh at what him and he post.
I am pretty happy with myself right now, I realized in the last day or so I have actually done a few 180s, the first one, which is pretty big for me, is that when has gone away in the past, I get all snarky and sarcastic, mean even, last night at the end of family night, I gave h a quick hug kiss on the cheek and told him to have a fantastic time, think it actually threw him for a loop,, second one was I would normally say that he better be available to answer the phone when the boys rang to say goodnight, instead I said that because I knew he had plans each night, perhaps it would be easier if he rang them when he was free, aand third when I was telling h how my talk went with s7 about our sitch and how he felt, I was calm and made clear points without getting emotional, basically reiterating what the councilor had said about s7 needing things to be consistent and structured, as so much had happened in the past few months, that it would be best to let the dust settle before any more changes were made (re: introducing the ow to the boys) I could tell this frustrated h no end, but this is where our kids have to come first.
I wwas thinking this morning that h hasn't actually told me he's going away with ow, the only reason I know is because there's no way in hell h would go and stay in a hotel for 2 nights that cost $700.
also that he doesn't bring her up in conversation at all...just interesting.
Well my h ow is called everyone! Everyone says this everyone is doing that!
I know when I hear everyone, what coming next is going to be very hard to ignore.
thinking it's time to swap to the infidelity thread, seems more applicable now....oh the ow how I'd like to smack you...