My WAW confuses me - DivorceBusting.com

Thought I'd start a new thread as the old one was getting long. Link to old thread below.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2446072&page=1

So my W was over again tonight dropping off S again. She hung out for a while, casual conversation with laughing and acting completely comfortable. She says things recently that never make sense and I try not to think about, like I'm too good to her and she is more comfortable with me now than in the last couple years. Thats all fine and good but she still brings up the D now and then. Again tonight she reminds me that we haven't had a serious conversation about how we are going to proceed recently and we need to. I just responded with okay and tried to let it lie. Turned the conversation back to S upcoming birthday this July and Easter plans this weekend.

She can act so natural around me and tries to be funny. She lures me into some kind of comfort zone where I end up acting normal with her and then have to remind myself whats going on and that things aren't normal. It still doesn't make sense to me that we can get along as well as we do, can admit that we care deeply about one another (which we don't talk about recently, but its been said since BD), we never fight (not in years), and still she doesn't even look back like this is a mistake.

Its so tiring pretending to be happy. I wish I had more free time to GAL but with S living with me and the constant hand off's that are required each day I have so little time to do anything.

Bunches. I can empathize with the feeling that there is no time to get a life. If you look back at earlier threads of mine I am constantly saying the same things. I am pretty much at work or with s.

8 have made an effort to do more outside of house with s. (I avoided much in the past because of his behavior issues) we try now and are having a great time.

Also don't know if all my new inhome activities count as GAL but definitely help with PMA. Exercise videos, meditate and yoga. I actually look forward to nights h is with ow because I can do yoga in living room.

I have a long list of things I want to do if I have time. For now an occasional dinner or drinks with friends is still more than I did before.

All that to say.. do what you can. Do what makes you feel good.

So when W dropped off S again last night she asked about plans for the weekend. I gave her the run down and she seemed disappointed, aparently she was thinking about trying to grab him for tonight to take to a friends but I had already planned to take him to a church event tonight and its my night so I didn't bother offering to change plans. It also bothered her that I was taking him to this kids entertainement place nearby, saying she had wanted to take him there. I let her know we had gone recently and he had a blast. She let me know she was bothered that she didn't get to do it be involved but she would not be 'mad at me for it'. I found that ridiculous but let it slide. Showed her his easter basket I setup yesterday and she made some remark about not leaving her any room to put anything in his basket. Then I mentioned a plan I was thinking of for his upcoming birthday. I wanted to take him to this waterpark nearby and invite family members that were neutral to the situation so there is a comfort level with all of us attending. She seemed okay with the idea but again she was obviously bothered and said it was because she had always made the plans in the past and felt left out.

All in all I felt very accomplished for my planning and taking care of S needs. Too bad it bothers her, I'm not going to let it divert me from making plans.

Originally Posted By: Bunches

Thought I'd start a new thread as the old one was getting long. Link to old thread below.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2446072&page=1

So my W was over again tonight dropping off S again. She hung out for a while, casual conversation with laughing and acting completely comfortable. She says things recently that never make sense and I try not to think about, like I'm too good to her and she is more comfortable with me now than in the last couple years. Thats all fine and good but she still brings up the D now and then. Again tonight she reminds me that we haven't had a serious conversation about how we are going to proceed recently and we need to. I just responded with okay and tried to let it lie. Turned the conversation back to S upcoming birthday this July and Easter plans this weekend.

She can act so natural around me and tries to be funny. She lures me into some kind of comfort zone where I end up acting normal with her and then have to remind myself whats going on and that things aren't normal. It still doesn't make sense to me that we can get along as well as we do, can admit that we care deeply about one another (which we don't talk about recently, but its been said since BD), we never fight (not in years), and still she doesn't even look back like this is a mistake.

So as an answer to the above. My Wife does this all the time. She even did it at the Table with the Lawyers. The Collaborative Divorce Coach , a PHD in Psychology and family therapy said he also noticed her doing it to me in the parking lot. He claims that SHE IS SEDUCING ME with her looks and actions. He also told me she told him things about spending time with me etc...he said it completely has flabbergasted him that our relationship is breaking up we fought a lot and OM is offering her a life of travel, which the Coach says will wear off quickly.

So I think your WAW is also trying to seduce you into doing what she wants and still desiring her....

Its so tiring pretending to be happy. I wish I had more free time to GAL but with S living with me and the constant hand offs that are required each day I have so little time to do anything.

How about this, try not mentioning what your wife might be doing or thinking for the next five posts. You need to break this cycle, dude, for your own piece of mind. Can't you see that everything you write is about her and weird sexual descriptions? STOP! This is not DB, it's actually unhealthy.

Unbidden, you are totally right. I only post about interaction with her. I don't think I noticed how focused I am. Here I am being proud of detached progress and to read my own posts doesn't look like I've done it at all. Thanks for pointing this out.

Having an excellent Easter weekend. S and I went shopping for most of the necessities for the week last night, forgot a few things but no biggie. Lounged around the house early today, went out to lunch and then to Catch Air (local kids place for fun). Got in a little exercise still while watching some TV this evening and then cleaned up and prepped for Easter morning. Tomorrow we will go to church after the early morning basket of candy waiting on him and then to meet up with family to enjoy Easter.

All in all a good weekend.

Just got foreclosure notices in the mail today. Even expecting it there is a certain disgust to knowing you are loosing your home. All in all its probably for the best. This house was not the best choice and there is no value or need for it now. Plans keep seeming to shift around recently as to what is going to be happening with S but it sounds now like he will stay with W for the couple summer months visiting me and then live with me again when school is back in and I'm settled into an apartment. I think that is for the best too but honestly didn't expect to be agreed with.

Should be a very interesting couple of months trying to get ready to move. Kind of exciting though to think of a new place and what I want to tdo with it for myself. Come to think of it recently, I've never lived on my own either. Went from living with my folks to living with a buddy to getting married. Could be fun.

I'm glad you're looking at the bright side :-)

Originally Posted By: unbidden

How about this, try not mentioning what your wife might be doing or thinking for the next five posts. You need to break this cycle, dude, for your own piece of mind. Can't you see that everything you write is about her and weird sexual descriptions? STOP! This is not DB, it's actually unhealthy.

great thoughts, more of us need to be reminded of this. my struggle today is remembering the NO ONE CAN MAKE ME HAPPY BUT ME. Even my kids, even my parents. Maybe they will, maybe they won't, but I can't control that. Also, keep in mind that most WAWs are confused. That's better than 100% sure they are done.

Another backslide day....I was cold tonight in interactions. I tried to be friendly but when I realized how I was I just got cold instead. I can't find a balance in my attitude that easily. I seem to either be playful or withdrawn and just can't find my center. Honestly, I just want to get through the next two months. Once I'm past these projects at work and moved into my new apartment I think I'll be able to do a lot more for me. Also, I love my S, but during the summer I will have a lot more me time. Right now I have him most every day and thats manageable but doesn't allow much GAL while working full time. My next day to myself will have been a month since the last one.

Need someone to verbally slap me and get my mind straight again. W decided to open up a bit again last night and the details of the conversation aren't important...believe none of what you hear, right. But one of the things she has now mentioned twice is that a couple close influences have been trying to convince her that it would be a good idea to move into the apartment S and I are about to move into as a roommate coming up in a couple months. She didn't say much about it but brought it up twice in a few days. I think I'm reading too much into it but honestly, its a bad idea right?

Quick recap of facts...no OM, W out for 6 months now having walked out at BD, and no signs of slowing down the D process yet. Aparently she has paperwork in order but hasn't filed yet. Its still a bad idea right? I should just let it be and not touch that one with a 10 foot pole, am I right? I hat that she can still stir me up like this so easily.

BAD IDEA. Space is what is needed if the WAW is ever to reconsider their position/actions. Can't get space while living with the WAW, trust me, I have been living with mine since BD in October....can't leave until we get a temporary custody order.

All it does it makes it harder for me to detach and her stress/almost hatred of my presence keeps escalating.

And, she should decide whether she is in the marriage or out of the marriage. She makes the decision to walk then she deals with the consequences.

Probably had my best night of successfully following DB rules last night. W dropped off S after spending a couple hours with him. I listened as she went on about her problems and her disgust with others around her. I ignored the couple of baited comments without 'chiming in'. I validated without criticism of those I was hearing about, which is a big 180 for me and without offering advice. I finished making dinner for my S and shared a glass of wine with W and then let her leave without looking for attention or following her to the door. All in all feeling good about my performance.

This last weekend I took S out for another round of fun at the locl playhouse and then to lunch. W asked to come along so we let her and everything was freindly. She seemed withdrawn much of the time but I think I did well at not worrying about it and just enjoying time with S. Only 7 weeks until we facate the old home we have been in for more than 7 years. Can't wait to get into new apartment and start figuring things out for me for this summer.

Started to fall of the wagon recently for progress on MY happiness but after seeing a post the other night from 25 on another thread I sat down and made new lists on what to work on and have been back to working out / eating right / GAL this week. W will have S this weekend and the first time I will have to myself in a month. Already filled up the weekend plans.

Starting to worry about my S though. This hasn't affected him much to date. He is not attentive to his surroundings very often but reports have started coming home from school about tantrums and being uncooperative. This has not been a steady problem for him every. He has also started having fits when W or I have to leave him with the other one. Obviously I can't say anything about it without it sounding like I blame her but feeling a little helpless about how to help S.

Starting to think I'm just more gullible than the average LBS. I can't seem to stop getting pulled back in to pursuing from W friendly demeanor. She does little things like grab my hand or hug me from time to time and it just seems like she is turning a corner. I of course fall for it every time and fall into pursuit. I don't see how others can detach enough to act friendly and have S around enough to feel like there is a connection without reacting. I'm terrible at this.