Feeling stuck and confused - 04/16/14 09:57 PM
Hi everyone. I am a 33/F. Married 12 years with 3 children. We have been going through hard times the last few years. I try and try, especially for the kids which I know isn't the best excuse. I do love him with all my heart but I don't think I am "in love" with him anymore. Yes I would do anything but our life is just not what I want. However with that said, I can't see myself without him or the chaotic life we have. He drinks, caught him physically cheating on me 2 months ago--yes I know I should have walked out then but I didn't. There isn't a day I don't think about it. His entire family lives 1200 miles away from us. He has no family except mine where we live. I need some advice, something to help shed some light on my brain. Ok so in a nutshell, I do love him but I am scared if I leave him, or I know if I leave him he will move back to "home" closer to his family and will leave me and our 3 children behind. He has told me this. Said it would hurt him too bad to be around us if we aren't married. He isn't an awful person and I am sure it isn't sounding the greatest here but I jsut am not happy. I haven't been happy for years but I just can't find the strength to leave. I can not afford, honestly can not afford to live on my own with my 3 kids. My student loans kill me enough the way it is. I feel like I have no choice but to stay, especially so my children keep their father. I am so torn, I don't know what to do. I am trying to work on our marriage but I just don't know if I want to anymore, or if it is even worth it. He has cut back on his drinking to help and says he wants to save us. Please help me. Any advice would be helpful.