melissag - update - 04/14/14 05:08 PM
I have been taking a little break from the boards, just trying to offer support here and there, but not posting too much on my own thread. Thought I'd just do a quick update.
Things are going well with GALing and kids. Still working on myself in IC. Exercising, having lunch/coffee/drinks with friends, etc. I took the kids to Florida for spring break and we had a great time hanging out on the beach, roasting s'mores over a bonfire, fishing (we didn't catch anything but my kids each got to drive the boat!). My S8 threw out the first pitch at an MLB game last week - he ran out to the mound, wound up, and threw a strike all the way to the plate. I was so impressed with his confidence even through all this turmoil. His birthday was yesterday and we had a fun time, despite H's absence. Both kids started therapy - D9 doesn't want to talk but it's obvious there is a lot going on underneath so I hope she does open up eventually.
H continues to make this D as difficult as humanly possible (most recently depositing his paycheck into his own separate account, leaving me without enough money to pay the bills), while still blaming me for everything and taking responsibility for nothing. He fights me on almost every issue, and insists on hiring expert witnesses because he thinks they will help him "win," then complains about how much money we are spending on legal fees . . . all my fault, of course. He says that (b/c I filed), I am making him miserable - according to him, he is watching his career, professional relationships and life savings all get flushed down the toilet and he is very angry with me about it. I won't go on about all the crap he says; suffice it to say that if my H nicks himself with his razor when shaving in the morning, it is most likely my fault.
I still have trouble getting upset when I get the manipulative, accusatory, blaming, BS emails from my H, but I have figured out a few ways to help keep me on track. Now when I get an email from him, I print it out and promptly cross out all of the non-factual information with a sharpie. Then, whatever is left is what is what I need to respond to. Unless it has to do with kids day to day stuff, I generally forward on to my lawyer.
We started a new parenting time schedule, only because I reached out to him to offer him more time with the kids (he was content refusing to agree to any of my proposals giving him more time, and then accusing me of refusing to let him see the kids - ??). This is the first week they will be with him 4 nights. M, W, F, and S. Both kids have expressed concerns about it (D9 thinks she spent enough time with H before, and doesn't want to increase it, and S8 is concerned that he will miss me too much), so we will see how it goes.
My H hired a PRE (well, we jointly hired a PRE - it was on his insistence but we wanted to have a say in who was appointed), so we will now have to go through that whole invasive process. I have done a lot of soul searching, as I think that it will be expensive (about $15k), but worse, I think it will be hard on my kids, not to mention on me. But, I still feel strongly that my H should not have 50/50 parenting time with them, so I will go forward with it.
On the plus side, my new convertible has reached port in Oxnard, CA, and will soon be on a truck headed toward CO! The grass is green, the days are longer, I am going to bring out my patio furniture this week. Baseball is in full swing, summer is coming, and all of that makes me H-A-P-P-Y!
Our permanent orders hearing for our D is set for July 1/2 (oh yes, my H is being so antagonistic that we had to set a two day trial - ugh). I am hoping that once that is done, I can enjoy the rest of my summer. My L tells me that my H isn't likely to get any nicer after the D is final (esp. if he does not get what he wants), but at least he won't be texting me asking if he can come pick up a particular set of coasters, and blasting me for "unfairly" splitting up baseball tickets, etc.
6.5 months out from BD. I am much stronger now. I am really getting used to living here without my H. I feel more myself than I have been in years - I have my confidence back (for the most part, I still don't entirely trust myself), and I have been able to be there for my kids (be strong for them, have fun with them, and help them to adjust as best I can), which is the most important to me. Still i have a lot of grieving left to do. I will need to get a job soon and I am not sure where I am going with that. I will almost certainly need to sell the house and move somewhere new, so that is scary and sad for me. I feel that my life is still a mess, but not an out-of-control mess. I have my work cut out for me, so I will continue to march along, one foot in front of the other. And hopefully I will look up one day and realize I am right where I want to be.
Things are going well with GALing and kids. Still working on myself in IC. Exercising, having lunch/coffee/drinks with friends, etc. I took the kids to Florida for spring break and we had a great time hanging out on the beach, roasting s'mores over a bonfire, fishing (we didn't catch anything but my kids each got to drive the boat!). My S8 threw out the first pitch at an MLB game last week - he ran out to the mound, wound up, and threw a strike all the way to the plate. I was so impressed with his confidence even through all this turmoil. His birthday was yesterday and we had a fun time, despite H's absence. Both kids started therapy - D9 doesn't want to talk but it's obvious there is a lot going on underneath so I hope she does open up eventually.
H continues to make this D as difficult as humanly possible (most recently depositing his paycheck into his own separate account, leaving me without enough money to pay the bills), while still blaming me for everything and taking responsibility for nothing. He fights me on almost every issue, and insists on hiring expert witnesses because he thinks they will help him "win," then complains about how much money we are spending on legal fees . . . all my fault, of course. He says that (b/c I filed), I am making him miserable - according to him, he is watching his career, professional relationships and life savings all get flushed down the toilet and he is very angry with me about it. I won't go on about all the crap he says; suffice it to say that if my H nicks himself with his razor when shaving in the morning, it is most likely my fault.
I still have trouble getting upset when I get the manipulative, accusatory, blaming, BS emails from my H, but I have figured out a few ways to help keep me on track. Now when I get an email from him, I print it out and promptly cross out all of the non-factual information with a sharpie. Then, whatever is left is what is what I need to respond to. Unless it has to do with kids day to day stuff, I generally forward on to my lawyer.
We started a new parenting time schedule, only because I reached out to him to offer him more time with the kids (he was content refusing to agree to any of my proposals giving him more time, and then accusing me of refusing to let him see the kids - ??). This is the first week they will be with him 4 nights. M, W, F, and S. Both kids have expressed concerns about it (D9 thinks she spent enough time with H before, and doesn't want to increase it, and S8 is concerned that he will miss me too much), so we will see how it goes.
My H hired a PRE (well, we jointly hired a PRE - it was on his insistence but we wanted to have a say in who was appointed), so we will now have to go through that whole invasive process. I have done a lot of soul searching, as I think that it will be expensive (about $15k), but worse, I think it will be hard on my kids, not to mention on me. But, I still feel strongly that my H should not have 50/50 parenting time with them, so I will go forward with it.
On the plus side, my new convertible has reached port in Oxnard, CA, and will soon be on a truck headed toward CO! The grass is green, the days are longer, I am going to bring out my patio furniture this week. Baseball is in full swing, summer is coming, and all of that makes me H-A-P-P-Y!
Our permanent orders hearing for our D is set for July 1/2 (oh yes, my H is being so antagonistic that we had to set a two day trial - ugh). I am hoping that once that is done, I can enjoy the rest of my summer. My L tells me that my H isn't likely to get any nicer after the D is final (esp. if he does not get what he wants), but at least he won't be texting me asking if he can come pick up a particular set of coasters, and blasting me for "unfairly" splitting up baseball tickets, etc.
6.5 months out from BD. I am much stronger now. I am really getting used to living here without my H. I feel more myself than I have been in years - I have my confidence back (for the most part, I still don't entirely trust myself), and I have been able to be there for my kids (be strong for them, have fun with them, and help them to adjust as best I can), which is the most important to me. Still i have a lot of grieving left to do. I will need to get a job soon and I am not sure where I am going with that. I will almost certainly need to sell the house and move somewhere new, so that is scary and sad for me. I feel that my life is still a mess, but not an out-of-control mess. I have my work cut out for me, so I will continue to march along, one foot in front of the other. And hopefully I will look up one day and realize I am right where I want to be.