Do I confront the other man? - DivorceBusting.com

Here is my story

Wife and I have been together for 6 years and married for four. No kids. She dropped a bomb on me last December that she wanted to move out. We didn't have a great marriage and looking back now I can see exactly why she wanted to leave. I got us into some counseling and things seemed like they were getting better. She was happier around me and we were beginning to get intimate again. Then while at a party in early May she hands me her phone to hold and I see these text messages come through from a name I don't recognize so I look at the text just to see who it was. I look back and I start to see some questionable texts in the history and some pictures of my wife and friends that I had taken earlier that day and then I see some more graphic language in the messages. I ask her about it and the bottom falls out. She wants out and hasn't been happy for years...

We have been living on and off in our home since but have not stayed in the same room. At times it feels like she is starting to turn the corner and other times it seems there is no hope. I have been working my butt off to be who she fell in love with and to be a better person. She claims this guy is just a friend but judging by what was in the messages and the fact that he calls and texts her at all hours of the night lead me to believe his intentions at least are not so pure. When I ask her to stop talking to him she says her friends are none of my business but I know we will not get anywhere until he is gone.

My question is should I call him and let him know what he is doing is wrong. I am sure he knows since he is trying to steal a married woman but maybe this will change his mind. I don't know what to do. She used to complain that I wasn't protective of her and such. I have no problem talking with the guy and would love to kick his a** but i just don't know if that would set her off even more. The other night she called while she was out drinking to tell me what a good man I am and I don't want to ruin that image. All though we did just get in a fight about this situation. She stormed out and I am left with a hurt heart. So confused

^

Hi Big Kat-

Don't call the other guy.

When you say you have been 'working your butt off to be who she fell in love with and to be a better person', what exactly do you mean? What are you doing, specifically, that is more like the man she fell in love with and less like the man she isn't attracted to?

If you contact the OM your W will go deeper and hide the A. She will feel like tlyou are controling her. I know its hard, yet if you do it nothing good will come of it.

I wanted to ask this question.

My wife also claims that I haven't been possessive, never told her "you're mine". Something OM told her once.. arrrrgggghhh....

The A is already happening, how could it get worse?
Maybe the OM is so confident in doing his thing, because he's not being confronted?

Originally Posted By: skr4luv

I wanted to ask this question.

My wife also claims that I haven't been possessive, never told her "you're mine". Something OM told her once.. arrrrgggghhh....

The A is already happening, how could it get worse?
Maybe the OM is so confident in doing his thing, because he's not being confronted?

Bottom line is NO I would not confront the OM.

No good can come from it.

Second that. I'm struggling with the knowledge that XOM is in town and sitting about 1 building away from me right now. The temptation is huge, but it'll do more harm than good.

I just know from personal experience. Before we got married, I cheated a couple times with my then girlfriend (now WAW).
She would immediately confront those girls to scare them off. It definitely worked.

Granted, there are differences. My cheating was never as deep as her A now... so it could turn out differently.

But I can't help but think the same thing will work on OM.

Have any of you heard or know of a situation where this backfired?