Re. Poss Dealing with OM - 01/16/13 02:35 PM
Hi guys & gals. I've been in the back ground for so long reading all your heartbreaking stories and along the way, in directly, been receiving some great advice via other posts on how to DB and GAL etc etc but I think I've come to the point where I need advice and support on how to deal with OM pursuing my W and even my W sleeping with OM?
My story in brief. Oct 15th '12 I heard my W say ILYBINILWY and my world fell apart I made a big mistake and moved out of the family home which I now know was a mistake as she was the one who was the WAW but as we have 3 kids (D12, D9, S3) I was thinking about them at the time and didn't want them thinking I was throwing them out (because I couldn't rely on her telling them the truth). At first I was begging, reasoning, bargaining everything us LBS do but did my homework pretty quickly found this site, bought DR among other books and quickly started DBing. 1st Dec 12 she moved out to a house 2 mins round the corner which I was unhappy about but I could see the Pros and got use to it plus the School is on my road so they could walk to class etc
This part is a real headbanger and a little unique which I also find very hard to get my head round - my brother is married to my wife's sister!! Yeah told you that was pretty Rad and it worked while everyone was happy but now it's like a living nightmare and I'm forever finding out what W is upto because I go and see my Niece and Nephew. Although saying this after 3 months people 'are just nice to me' and don't ask about how M is.
During this time I found out she was in regular contact with one of her BF's brother who is married with kids himself and W and BF had fallen out over it and I got it thru to her that she was in the throws of an EA. She said this was over and no contact has been made since which as I've learnt I can't trust her or believe she is telling me the truth.
Upto present day W is stressing as bills are starting to arrive on her mat and she is pressing me for regular maintenance payments which is what I've been doing since day one but she wants def days when she gets her money not 'when I remember' so she can stop stressing and budget for bills etc but while she is stressing over money she is still regularly going out to the pub with friends spending money what she tells me she hasn't got! As well as this she is now attracting attention from OM which has just knocked me for six and really made me feel low again as I can't stop thinking about OM touching her while we are still officially married! She has given no indication she is seeing anyone nor that she wants to file for D.
Myself - I've very quickly been GAL. Joined a Gym which I still goto (after some shift rota changes), started decorating the house while its winter and even booked a trip to New York with my cousin to see Swedish House Mafia in March (birthday present to myself) which is a real 180 and I'm sure she will believe it when she sees it on this one!
I know I can't make my W do anything she has to realise what she's done herself and she can do as she pleases like she has been doing but is there anyone who can give me advice on how I deal with her being with someone else? Even if she isn't now I have to face the fact that we may not get back together and she does find OM which breaks my heart as I want her to see that I have changed for the better.
Thanks for reading what I didn't expect to be a long post. Any help or support is much appreciated
My story in brief. Oct 15th '12 I heard my W say ILYBINILWY and my world fell apart I made a big mistake and moved out of the family home which I now know was a mistake as she was the one who was the WAW but as we have 3 kids (D12, D9, S3) I was thinking about them at the time and didn't want them thinking I was throwing them out (because I couldn't rely on her telling them the truth). At first I was begging, reasoning, bargaining everything us LBS do but did my homework pretty quickly found this site, bought DR among other books and quickly started DBing. 1st Dec 12 she moved out to a house 2 mins round the corner which I was unhappy about but I could see the Pros and got use to it plus the School is on my road so they could walk to class etc
This part is a real headbanger and a little unique which I also find very hard to get my head round - my brother is married to my wife's sister!! Yeah told you that was pretty Rad and it worked while everyone was happy but now it's like a living nightmare and I'm forever finding out what W is upto because I go and see my Niece and Nephew. Although saying this after 3 months people 'are just nice to me' and don't ask about how M is.
During this time I found out she was in regular contact with one of her BF's brother who is married with kids himself and W and BF had fallen out over it and I got it thru to her that she was in the throws of an EA. She said this was over and no contact has been made since which as I've learnt I can't trust her or believe she is telling me the truth.
Upto present day W is stressing as bills are starting to arrive on her mat and she is pressing me for regular maintenance payments which is what I've been doing since day one but she wants def days when she gets her money not 'when I remember' so she can stop stressing and budget for bills etc but while she is stressing over money she is still regularly going out to the pub with friends spending money what she tells me she hasn't got! As well as this she is now attracting attention from OM which has just knocked me for six and really made me feel low again as I can't stop thinking about OM touching her while we are still officially married! She has given no indication she is seeing anyone nor that she wants to file for D.
Myself - I've very quickly been GAL. Joined a Gym which I still goto (after some shift rota changes), started decorating the house while its winter and even booked a trip to New York with my cousin to see Swedish House Mafia in March (birthday present to myself) which is a real 180 and I'm sure she will believe it when she sees it on this one!
I know I can't make my W do anything she has to realise what she's done herself and she can do as she pleases like she has been doing but is there anyone who can give me advice on how I deal with her being with someone else? Even if she isn't now I have to face the fact that we may not get back together and she does find OM which breaks my heart as I want her to see that I have changed for the better.
Thanks for reading what I didn't expect to be a long post. Any help or support is much appreciated