We met in Peru...
I made top dollar in my field...
OM made more, different line of work...
Marriage made her legal to be here... believe me that is on my mind...
She gave up a very good career in Peru...
Her father comes from a wealthy family with unexplained income sources...
He was a player and partier...
My wife has had nothing to do with him for 15 years...
Peringo unfortunatetly I have seen this happen many times. I think your W trully loved u but the notion of coming to the US is so strong that it adds more complexities. I don't think there is any literature regarding marrying someone from another country and divorce rates. I have seen this in my owm social network. Kaffe made a good point. Go back and read it. Right now you need a plan as to how you will get through this.
I noticed you are focusing on your W. STOP. She will get angry that's how it works. You need to focus on you and son. The thing about the Latin man is BS. Your W wants that and expects that from her man. Its time to get your b@@ls back, as Mr Bond will say. Forget about what your W is saying or doing. Your M is dead. Sorry.
Now lets talk about you and what you are gonna do for u.
List 3 things that you always wanted to do but never did. i.e loose weigh, jump out of a plane, etc..... And if you could do things that would include son even better.
As a single person I have done many things and travel many places... so that may be difficult.
3 things...
Sky diving has been on my mind lately
I'm gonna have to think, I have fulfilled most of man single man dreams... atleast the ones I remember...
So what you are saying is there is no hope of getting my wife back, and giving my son a family he deserves...
If I could predict the future I wouldn't be here, don't u think? No that's not what I'm saying. You need to save you 1st. She MUST see a strong confident man that is happy with himself. A man in control but not controlling,or critical. That is why you need to GAL.....
I had a really hard time understanding/accepting that my M was finished. I still struggle but getting better. There will be a stage where you will begin to question if you even want to get back together. Very confusing times my friend. But it does get easier. So again think of things you would like to experience, things that do not include W.
That may have been what I needed to hear that she may have just married me for a green card.... but it zapped all my motivation, atleast in the short term...
How are you. Any updates?
Updates.... W is comprising a little on custody but not much.
Its been 100+ all week... and humid... yuck!
I let go of the hope of wife reconciling, just enjoying the time with my boy and doing my best to get through the days I don't have him.
Thats where I'm at.
ur sitch is quite similar to mine (i suspect my H married me for the visa). Knowing/feeling that we were married for a reason other than love does take the fight out of us. I've been thinking about this a lot, and whatever the reason for the marriage, we need to fight for it as best as we can, because our kids deserve to be raised by both parents (hopefully in a loving home).
So, it's not over yet, keep fighting....because your son deserves that. and you need to know that you did the best you could. Focus on YOU, thats what is important now
Hi toni-
The sitch is unfortunate, but it is what it is... enough people have told me it sounds like it was all for a greencard, even some of her friends... I tried for a long time not to believe it, but once I accepted it, I was able to sleep again. I am thankful for the son we made and the time we had together, even if it was a pretend for her... I will treasure the memories I have forever. I will love her till I take my last breath, but at this point there is nothing more I can do but try to survive each day... maybe one day she will realize the mistake she is making, but I can't place any belief in that, she has made her deal with the devil, its between her and God now.
If it was for a greencard, you gotta let that go and move on. Deserve MORE for yourself, and you do. I would always cherish my son, but if the wife was not really there with you, for you like you thought and it was all make believe - you will need to retrain your mind and expectations for the real thing.
Even an average relationship is lightyears ahead of a bad one, and a good one will make you wonder "what the hell was I thinking".
One of the factors we never think about in DB-land is that perhaps the WAS never ever loved us, and was using us from the start.
Good luck with your sitch...i hope things do get better for you. Do something each day to contribute to your PMA, and even if things don't work out with your W, you will be in a better place emotionally (and physically too if you've been working out
)
Something interesting... the wife has been pushing so fast for a divorce, over 2 weeks ago she said I would receive settlement papers, I spoke to her on the day I was to receive them, and she told me not to push her... I have heard nothing since...
Any ideas why she is stalling??? After pushing so hard and so fast...
Peringo, this isn't unusual. Don't try to mindread.
Nah, not really, I hear through the grape vine W is introducing S into OM extended family... she really seems to be replacing me and my family, which [censored]! Not a fricken thing I can do about it...
She destroyed me emotionaly, now she is trying to destroy me financially...
Oh life is grand right now... but it goes on...
At what point will it get easier? I do okay until I see her, then I break down and it starts all over... she's got to either honor her vows or disappear... why can't she understand that?
Its official... in the laws of man the marriage is over... now what, how do you go on without the woman God wants you to be with...
"how do you go on without the woman God wants you to be with..."
If you really believe in God, then you leave things up to His plan. Not yours. While you were separated, you should have been rebuilding yourself and gotten stronger.
I'm sorry this happened, but you have to accept her decision and start living your life. Stay strong for your son.