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Who will be first?
Me!

Amtrak-We'll Get You There...Eventually
Just read the latest development in your sitch, Mnky. Awesome job. My knees would have been shaking pretty hard if it had been me. Sometimes it's hard to admit we're going to be okay regardless of what happens. Really speaks volumes for the job you've done. smile
I've done some work to be sure, but I never forget those that have held and helped me along the way. Like I told you awhile back Ten, the folks here will save you if you let em.
So where do the monkeys ride on the train, in the caboose?
Oh yeah, that's agreed, monkey. If I didn't find value in the advice here, I wouldn't keep coming back!

When I look at my sitch and compare it to what others are going through, I feel like mine just isn't as bad, and I almost feel guilty for reaching out and asking for advice in that light, especially when I have so little to contribute back to others. I dunno, just me I guess.
2TP- didn't you know? Mnky is *driving* the train smile
Oh yea, I forgot. The LBS always has more control than they think.

chug a chug a chug a chug a choo choo!
is there a first class seating? and are you serving drinks?
Still have no idea where I am on that train. Like to ride on the roof if they let me.
Purg, was that a Grateful Dead reference?
"Drive your train, Trouble with you is the trouble with me, Got two good eyes but we still don't see, Come 'round the bend, you know it's the end."

You caught me mnky smile

Not supposed to be a direct reflection on our sitchs... It's not the most uplifting song in the world.
Just got through skimming your threads, my new Pilot friend.

I will add one thing to Machs - NY to LA post.

Have you ever heard of the STOCKDALE Paradox?

He was a POW in Vietnam.

I can not give you a link to it for TOS reasons but if you look him up it is a very interesting story and very similar to what MACH is telling you about the trip.

Stockdale did survive his POW ordeal, but many of his comrades did not.

Food for thought.
Hey Cadet. I am a huge A-4 fan, so yes I am familiar with late Adm Stockdale. Good point...
Another tid bit I have always liked: Years ago I read Citizen Soldiers by Stphen Ambrose. The book has some great quotes from vets in Western Europe during the drive to the Rhine and the encirclement at Bastogne.

One of the vets reflected on his time in Bastogne during that brutal winter. One thing he mentioned was "the tryanny of the present" years later, of course, he could reflect on that terrible time. Sixty years ago, however, logic and patience proved very elusive for him.
So are you saying that in 60 years we will know exactly what to do in our sitchs?? By then we'll all be in the nursing home with Rick1963 roaming the halls for a sugar mama!
Originally Posted By: purgatory
So are you saying that in 60 years we will know exactly what to do in our sitchs?? By then we'll all be in the nursing home with Rick1963 roaming the halls for a sugar mama!


We can't stop Rick form being Rick. If we did, this place would be so boring and we would have to find someone new to pick on.

Purg, I found that useful because no matter how bad things stink today, chances are tomorrow will be much better. I'm already to the point where my day no longer revolves around the realationship (or lack thereof) with the W.
my dad was a pilot in the VN war.

sorry purg.. if you're roaming the nursing homes w/ rick1963 looking for a sugar mama.. you're on your own! but guess what? less competition for me as i look for a potential sugar daddy. no hot red head to get in my way. sweeeett!
BF- Lol!! It would be more like trying to keep Rick on a leash away from the blue hairs smile I won't be a red head by then- probably all silver.... But no competition, I'll be your wing man smile

Meow mnky, I really did appreciate the tid bit about reflection... I'm really meowed of you for getting to such a strong emowtional place.
meow....

Just did that on the radio and my buddy answered back.Made me giggle.
mnky's can giggle?? I think I need proof.
You are gonna have to trust me on that one. Unless the boards have a voice feature lol.
Was Admiral Stockdale the hampster, sorry meow mistake, the guy who ran for VP with Perot?
Lol, yeah the very same meow.
Yeah man I wanted Perot/Stockdale so bad I could taste it...I'm still heartbroken over that loss....
Hey Mnky, did the guv'ment make you work today?
Nah, I was off today. Got me a haircut and a shamrock shake.
What does a shamrock taste like?
Minty..
I didn't know shamrocks taste like mint.... I wonder if the Irish have been keeping this secret to themselves all these years?! Think that's what they put in their mint julips??
Wait a freaking minute did I just miss somthing???? The nursing home Thingy was brilliant on my part. Easier and safer than looking for hookers in AC. K
Yeah, but where is the challenge? Not gonna get shanked in the nursing home.
I guess I missed something-how did it go from shamrock shakes to nursing home and shanks?
Rick was advised to head over to the nursing home...then it went downhill from there.
Originally Posted By: Grmpy_Mnky, last week

Wife: "I do not beleive your changes are permanent".
Me: I'm sorry you feel that way. Look, I will be happy and forever grateful if we get another shot at our M. If we don't, I will still be happy and grateful for the time we had.

Monkey, I just wanted to drop in after some lurking and say great job last week! You did a superb job of handling that.
Thanks jbnati.

Not sure if I should be optimistic or not. Guess it really does not matter either way.

Unfortunately, it has made detaching harder this week..lol.
Hey, I work at an agency that handles retirment and aging issues, and the rate of STDs is rising rapidly among the elderly. Soooo, be careful when you guys are roaming the halls of that nursing home in 60 years. grin
Lots of oral sores!
What's happened to us? Oh the humanity....
remember.. no dentures = less accidents
Not to mention the nest eggs.
Now thats gross Monkster!
Barely does not live in the US right?
Barely lives up in bacon land. They have yetis up there..and Rush.
i also live in an igloo and take the dogsled to work every morning.

i don't understand the nest egg comment. maybe i don't want to know. lol!
LOL. This thread is rapidly disintigrating.
Originally Posted By: monkey

They have yetis up there..and Rush.


And echoes with the sound... of SALESMEN
On a serious note mnky:

How do you handle the rampant bunny holes in your park?
Originally Posted By: purgatory
On a serious note mnky:

How do you handle the rampant bunny holes in your park?


Yes, this is an important topic. When are you going to open up to us a little more? You need to get this stuff off your chest. It will help make the rough spots a little easier to manage.
Originally Posted By: 2thepoint
Originally Posted By: purgatory
On a serious note mnky:

How do you handle the rampant bunny holes in your park?


Yes, this is an important topic. When are you going to open up to us a little more? You need to get this stuff off your chest. It will help make the rough spots a little easier to manage.


Umm, what? Y'all lost me.
Maybe the rabbit can show you the way.
LMFAO!! I'm glad you caught on Barely!! Poor Mnky was so confused
I'm gonna fling some poo soon..
I also have no problem with him not posting to others yet. He's working on himself and I'd guess he does not yet feel qualified to comment on others. 25 to Crimson.

^^I too feel this way. I am not qualified to offer much out side of the occassional hug or "hang in there". My sitch is very simple too. No kids, my wife bailed and won't talk to me.
I have detached and I keep very busy. I am not always inclined to come on the boards and whine about my sitch. Yes, I know that this is the place for it,and occassionaly I will come on and share a rough patch. Make no mistake, this hurts me beyong descriprion every single day. I miss my girl beyond description. Still, it does me no good to come here and say the exact same thing everyday. Make sense?
You post from what is inside of your heart....

You post from your experiences dealing with things. You post from what you have learned, and felt, and worked through. You take a little and you give a little. You laugh, you cry, you hurt, and you heal with the people in the trenches with you.

You will make some of the best friends that you have ever had, and you will make some enemies.

Nobody here is an expert on any of this. Everything is advice, and should only be taken at that level. Some posters advice is taken with more salt than others, some posts are taken with less.

It doesn't really matter in the end. What is real, is the emotion that the poster has inside of them.

Behind every number, on every post, there is another human. A human that is hurting on some level. Some of them have healed and are thriving, some are desperate for human contact with another compassionate soul that can help them feel just a little better about themselves.

Some are looking for that one post, that will help them overcome the fear, and loneliness that they are feeling inside. That one post that will give them the strength to face one more day, or take one more step forward. One never knows if they could be that one post, if they don't try....

What you apply Monkey, is the laughter that is essential to the healing process. You are capable of more, and that will come in time. If you are only comfortable in your role, then all of us here are blessed, and better for having that in our day.

I believe that you have more to offer though....the difference is, that YOU have to believe it too...
Monkly....every sinlge post I have ever seen you make has absolutely made me feel better than you will ever know, which then helps my W and boys lives and so on through time forward. Don't underestimate what a man or monkey with a good heart can do....it ripples outward forever...
Thanks brothers. I'll post more tonight after work.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
You post from what is inside of your heart....

You post from your experiences dealing with things. You post from what you have learned, and felt, and worked through. You take a little and you give a little. You laugh, you cry, you hurt, and you heal with the people in the trenches with you.

You will make some of the best friends that you have ever had, and you will make some enemies.

Nobody here is an expert on any of this. Everything is advice, and should only be taken at that level. Some posters advice is taken with more salt than others, some posts are taken with less.

It doesn't really matter in the end. What is real, is the emotion that the poster has inside of them.

Behind every number, on every post, there is another human. A human that is hurting on some level. Some of them have healed and are thriving, some are desperate for human contact with another compassionate soul that can help them feel just a little better about themselves.

Some are looking for that one post, that will help them overcome the fear, and loneliness that they are feeling inside. That one post that will give them the strength to face one more day, or take one more step forward. One never knows if they could be that one post, if they don't try....

What you apply Monkey, is the laughter that is essential to the healing process. You are capable of more, and that will come in time. If you are only comfortable in your role, then all of us here are blessed, and better for having that in our day.

I believe that you have more to offer though....the difference is, that YOU have to believe it too...


Really nice post, M1!!
Thanks 2....

I forgot to add.....

What you post, and how you heal is very important to everyone that reads your posts....

What we will never know, is the lurkers, that are not comfortable enough to come forward and share their story with us.

I hope if any read this, that you will find that something that helps sooth your soul, and maybe come and share your story with us....

We never fully know who our words will affect, and how....
Mnky, you've always provided a smile and a 'lighter side of things' perspective for me. Your posts are always thoughtful and compassionate. Please don't think that you never have something to offer one of us.... I always enjoy a visit from the mnky smile
Mnky, I give you a hard time but I do like your quiet strength, your sense of humor and your economy of words.
Originally Posted By: purgatory
I always enjoy a visit from the mnky smile


purg, that made me lol!

monkey.. you really bring light to some very dark times. oh! there's that LOTR soundtrack playing again!
And 7 strangers set off into a journey unknown.... (que the orchestra)
Thanks everyone. Friggin love this place!

I tend to be very pragmatic about things almost to the point of over simplification. I know what needs to be done and I set out each day trying to do just that. Humor helps a lot.

One thing that my life as a soldier, pilot, and park ranger has taught me is that life is fleeting. I have literally watched the life slip away from somebody’s eyes and that has had a profound effect on me. Consequently, I try not to sweat the small stuff. When I come on the boards I sometimes have an inner dialogue: “really, you are upset about that? WTF?” So I hold my tongue.

Sometimes I think about this. We do not “need” our spouses. Life will go on. Don’t get me wrong, I love and miss my W and I would be immensely happy if she decided to gives us another chance. I would be there. Then there is the pragmatic side, she made her choice and now I am a happier person overall. Pfft..so who cares what she does. Divorce? Sure what the hell bring it on, I got sh!t to do. (kidding, sort of)

It just seems that some days I come here just so I can keep the emotional wounds festering. Having said that, I still come by so that I can help those that are hurting have a better day. After all, those first few weeks following the bomb are sooo tough. Never want to be there again..
=@@= (ces's new fistbump thingy)
Oooooo- I like the fist bump!!

Mnky- it's good to come to the boards even on days *you* don't have anything to post- you never know what tiny bot of info you might get from reading others threads. And b/c of your life experiences, you keep things in perspective, for yourself and others. My dad was a Navy pilot for 18 years (before a back injury grounded him) and he has told me stories about things he's witnessed- those 'life' stories help to keep us focused on what really matters to us- he always told me that he didn't care if he lost his arms and legs in a crash- if he was alive, that was enough to be thankful for.

So even though us LBSers have lost an arm or a leg (our spouse) there's still so much to be thankful for- and we need to be reminded of that. Your approach of "bring it on, I got sh1t to do" is great!!
Originally Posted By: purgatory
Your approach of "bring it on, I got sh1t to do" is great!!


Yes, that is awesome for us newbies, too. It reminds us that there is life outside of our sitchs and that DB is about living life as much as saving our Ms. I was just at my desk wondering if H would come over this weeked to watch movies like he said he would. I read your quote and was jolted out of that fantasy quick -- "Who cares? If he comes, he comes. I have a full weekend ahead!"

Mimi
Originally Posted By: Grmpy_Mnky

Sometimes I think about this. We do not “need” our spouses. Life will go on. Don’t get me wrong, I love and miss my W and I would be immensely happy if she decided to gives us another chance. I would be there. Then there is the pragmatic side, she made her choice and now I am a happier person overall. Pfft..so who cares what she does. Divorce? Sure what the hell bring it on, I got sh!t to do. (kidding, sort of)

Hey Grmpy, That's one of the most profound set of words I've seen on here man. You are exactly right, and I know you're half kidding but also know you're half not ;-). For me with each passing day I'm kidding a little bit less. My W is starting to real back in a little bit, and I'm going to try to put in a dash off the "don't give a flip" spicerack and see what happens. Keep on keeping on bro, not that I know anything since I can't follow written instructions lol but it seems to me you're doing great!
Flying monkey....i remember your first few one and two word posts to me. You never know who your gonna meet on the boards and the wisdom you will find. Keep posting my friend....you help a lot of people.
So, Rick and Monkey, I think I am in your situation of LRT and physical separation since 1/31/12 (feels like ages). I reread DR last night/this morning after feeling blue and helpless about my situation. H came over yesterday to fix stuff around the house and I texted him back that I would be gone. Should I have done that. It is DARK here, VERY DARK, and he is living across town. He does text occasionally about bills (colder than a bill collector like you said) and our S16 but otherwise I initiate NOTHING. Is this what you are doing? I feel lost in this After the LRT. I can see nothing moving, nothing changing, maybe a bit nicer since he found out I saw a L but we do not communicate otherwise.

I would walk to LA in a second...trying to GAL and look at my feet and stopping in Vegas whenever y'all are going!

BTW...We lived in Pensacola when H was active duty too and I have fond memories of the Seville Quarter!
I know exactly how you feel. Again, “the tyranny of the present.” In the initial weeks each day seems an eternity. When the day finally does come to an end its only because of the medicinal compassion of sleep aids. I’m 3.5 months in and I still take something to sleep nearly every night. Fortunately the days are much easier. My salvation? My friends here on this board and our commonality. Learning to like/love myself again, accepting the painful fact that the WAS is gone, and keeping VERY busy.
I have found LRT, while effective, is not a quick fix. One really needs to have patience boarding on that of a sage. If you are not patient you will positively drive yourself crazy. Your husband, and my wife, will continue to be cold. Being cold and detached is their way of reassuring themselves they have made the correct choice in leaving us. In the long run (I hope) our use of detachment will provide personal strength and cause the WAS to pause.

Rick, please feel free to chime in here since you have been at this much longer than I.
PTC...so many here from Pensacola....read "if you like pina colladas thread"...she's from there

All of our sitches are the same yet each has its own flavor (even if it tastes like bile). You know how they say do what works? I agree with that. Common sense should not be rejected just to try to follow some DB rule to the letter. Like Mach says, if you see his comments around here, DB'ing is a state of mind. It's one we work harder than anything else to achieve.

If you and H have pratical matters that have to be resolved then by all means do them. And with kids too. What we all try to achieve her is reaching that state of mind. DB'ing is really about a few things: learning about how you got yourself here - find it, evaluate it, learn from it, improve your life; taking control of your life and happiness; letting your spouse walk thru their own journey; having faith in the processes of the divine (however you define it) to work with you - and this is important, work with him.

If you can achieve this you will find deep contentment. It may be hard to believe right now. I swear to you it can happen. See DB'ing is sooooo hard (pt 5) if you want to see my story. maybe it will help.

Peace and good luck.
=@@= ^^^
Having faith in the process and working WITH divine...very, very good point. Maybe I see things a little black or white too and am ignoring common sense. Work with...adding to my Solution Journal

So, we have movement in my sitch...texts this morning he is going to be at S16's hockey game tonight and it would be "cool if I was there" (originally said to him that I would not care to be anywhere he is when he moved out) to which I replied "see you tonight" and then he says "looking forward to it" with some extras about work he did around house yesterday when I was absent. I laugh at Monkey's comment to wife to get dressed as I am contemplating what to wear to outdoor hockey game this evening. How do you handle this? Have y'all done it? What DO you talk about? I am a nervous wreck. Tempted to stop at a bar on the way for a glass of wine! LOL! JK as that would make me weepy and emotional probably and mess things up entirely. Tempting idea though.

So the DB state of mind is "I am okay without you and if I see you, then cool???" Can I reach this BEFORE I reach state of acceptance in mourning my marraige? Or is it a zig zag back and forth?

Detachment thoughts helpful too. Thanks everyone. Hope this is not considered hijacking your thread, Monkey. Just wondering when you did see your wife (when picked up uniforms) what you talked about...wondering if I have a full game of small talk at hockey game with this H of mine. So strange...so, so strange.
Don't over-think this. When you see him tonight:

- you are happy
- you are beautiful
- you are funny
- you are confident
- you are going to be fine one way or the other.

Even if you are not there just yet, put on the facade tonight. The more you do it, the more "real" it becomes.

Good luck and have fun.
Thank you my friend, thank you.
Probably too soon to invite the W out with me and friends tonight?
PTC - echoing what Monkey said. Keep the mantra in your head...

you have your own life and it is and will be great

the universe is with you always

I can let him go and find his answers

None of it easy, but trust that over time it does get easier. It does you know.

And there probably will be awkward silences because the WAS doesn't typically want to know about your life and feelings...it's too threatening to their story and escapism. Just remind yourself then of how rich and deep you and your life is.

Best of luck. Peace. I should probably just go to your thread. It's like we just moved into Monkey's house!
Hi Monkey, did you invite your wife out with friends?

My H going to hockey again Monday and tempted to do same.....what did you decide? Then I remembered STFU so I didn't say anything since he only JUST left! You've been at this a while now.

Thinking of you.
Nah, don't think I'm going to.
So this morning I emailed the W asking her if she wanted to get together with me a couple mutual friends this Wed. for dinner.

W: No, but thanks. Have fun.

Hmmm. Not a big deal I know, escpecailly when compared to the intensity of several of the sitches around here. I think I am going to go ahead and ask her to sign the D papers this week and file. I miss her a bit less every day. I still love here and would love for things to work out, but it is no longer a "need."
It is a big deal, and I know it hurts.

Was this your line in the sand?

Why now, why today?

How will this change your life from today forward?
Quote:
I think I am going to go ahead and ask her to sign the D papers this week and file.
Yes, why? Strategic or resignation? I completely get how difficult it is to live in limbo, especially when the life you have to live would look very different if M'd or not.
Just returned from a visit to the house to grab more of my stuff. Wife is not there on Mondays but today she was. I was very polite to her and apologized for not giving her notice of my visit. A couple minutes in, out of the blue she goes on the attack. What the Eff?!! I kept my cool as she proceeded to blame me for every bad thing in her life over the past decade. Told her “I’m sorry you feel that way.” She kept on going with some very hurtful stuff. Can she sense that I’m ready for this to be over?

Again I told her that I am grateful for the time we had and I wish thing could have turned out differently. I told her that life is good and I never want to go back to the unhealthy relationship we had. Then she gets extra nasty – it’s my entire fault. She can’t believe she fell for me years ago. Again sorry you feel that way. The whole time she is doing this, she has her arms crossed and is looking at the floor. I tell her I am sorry she is in such a bad place right now. She looses her [censored] and screams at me that she is happy. Me: sorry, you don’t look happy. She gets quite so I approach her to tell her something and she recoils in terror and disgust. I immediately back away and leave.

I am not a bad person. I am smart and funny and most people that meet me like me. I refuse to believe that I am the cause of her issues.

45 min drive home – have not cried like this since the bomb..

I AM SO DONE WITH THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!
Why now, why today?

Why not now? Why not today? I'm done...
OK
If you are done and it is for you then I am here to support the next steps. If it's not for you then I am here to call you on it. If you change your mind tomorrow then I am still here to support the next steps. So basically we're all here for you no matter what you decide.
We've always said that it's not over till YOU say it's over... if today is that day for you- then so be it!

Do you want to celebrate? Throw a fit? Cry all night?
Whatever you need to do, I'll come along with ya! I'll either bring the drinks or the tissues- just let me know smile
That was me two months ago. I was sooooo done. Had it, missed being hugged and touched...... Loved. But I got back to dbing even if my sitch looks more hopeless than most. My W seems so at peace with her decision to D me. And we have yet to set foot in court after almost a year. Talk about limbo? We should have been divorced by now. She was gone last July. But all kinds of stuff happened none of my doing that delayed it. Still in denial. When I'm not I get angry and frustrated. Sad too. So it is a process and it is Ok to feel that you are done. You may very well be or after a few days change your mind. We will be here for you either way. But if you still have an inch of belief to reconcile than maybe you are not done yet. So like Bugsy said, wait.
or maybe you should just take this moment of high stress and emotion to sell all your possessions, buy a boat and sail around the world..............nahh. just kidding.

the kicks in the gut keep on hurting. Sounds like you handled it with great integrity. You should be proud of yourself for that.
Originally Posted By: Monkey
I think I am going to go ahead and ask her to sign the D papers this week and file.


To quote one of my great friends on here and who said the same words to me when I thought I was done:

"Is this the hill you're going to die on?"

I can only echo what has been said to you. Believe me I know the feelings well.

BUT

I would challenge and say are you doing this because you are tired or any other reason that is a failure to who you want to be?

I can tell you I learned the most in my difficult hours. From those hills I decided to climb.

The really good stuff happened when I was detached completely and wasn't ruled by emotions.

No regrets. No walking away because of what someone did or did not do for you or to you.

When you reach the top of THAT hill you will know it.
Sorry Monk- I say sit on this for a couple days. In my opinion you should make this decision from a place of love and acceptance, not from anger and frustration.

Best to u!!
((((( )))))

whatever you need...
Hope you're feeling better today! ((Mnky))
My heart is breaking for you, my friend. Literally breaking. Thinking of you and praying for you. Big hugs....
Any new developments? Did you ask her to sign the papers?
Originally Posted By: Grmpy_Mnky
Can she sense that I’m ready for this to be over?


I know I am late to the game, here...

But can YOU sense... that SHE is not ready for this to be over?

You will make your choices... and she will make hers... and sometimes...

This chit happens and people think they are done, only to realize that even if we might be done... THEY... aren't...

It ain't over until you say it's over. And you can make it over by moving on and never looking back...

but she'll always be there... and she'll poke and prod you until she is done...

until then... she ain't done and that means... in some ways... you ain't done, either...
Mnky KD^^^^^making some sense won't u say?
Whaddup Monk?
Hey Grmpy,

Been right there with you man, have had the same blow up conversation multiple times with the same ride home. If you are fully confident in your decision is the best for you, you know everyone is here to support you, and if you change your mind tomorrow we will support you too. I have been in the same place and know it hurts but know everybody here is thinking about you man. Keep your chin up!
But can YOU sense... that SHE is not ready for this to be over? KD - very astute observation my friend. I've thought about this for a couple of days. What is has come down to is I have forgiven myself for my transgressions during our M. I have taken ownership and then some.

Monday was the first time, in retrospect, that her actions did not match her words. She has not brought up the divorce in weeks, yet she is still blaming me for everything. She has many issues that were there long before she ever met me. She needs to work that out. At some point she will realize that I am not to blame for her childhood. I am still here for her if she needs me. I am still here for my M too, but I am soo close to the end.

Thanks everbody!!
"I am still here for her if she needs me. I am still here for my M too, but I am soo close to the end."

Your signature block shows the bomb was dropped in November and it is only March. Are you really that close to cashing in all your chips? Surely you've got more in you Monkey! Dig deep!
Monkey,

Just my thoughts, take it or leave it. You've had a couple of days now to think a little bit and process your feelings.

You said you showed up at a time when she normally wasn't there, but she was. She was likely caught off guard and was upset by that... then things snowballed. I think you handled the situation admirably, especially by not feeding in to her behavior.

How often has she had a chance to express her frustrations to you? You don't talk very often, from what I gather (LRT still in effect), so she may not feel she's had a chance to get everything out in the open, even when it's the stuff that comes up over and over. For me and my W, it took her being able to empty out all of her feelings and my transgressions in front of someone who'd hold me accountable, before she stopped letting it be a daily nuisance. This is where asking for forgiveness should help smooth things over.

I don't have any idea if something similar would help you... but if she's running the argument loop on you every time she sees you, something's bothering her that D won't help.

Just my thoughts. I know this is hard for you, brother. On the other hand, I think you've hit detachment gold.
Surely you've got more in you Monkey! Dig deep!
_________________________


Well earlier this week I was not sure if she is worth it. Still not sure...I know what a jerk. Bring it y'all I'm ready smile
Monkster...it's hard for me to relate to how it must be to go through without kids...I imagine it makes it easier to consider ending it. Also, I think one of the points made above about how your W hasn't had the chance to get these things out to you. Maybe that's where are sitches are opposites. I see my W very day so there's every opportunity for her to feel things out, whereas you two hardly see each other.

I'm no expert however it seems like the short amount of time your sitch has been active doesn't allow for both to pass through the stages of this (not that I could name the stages, but there are stages to this).

Ray, you know my sitch and we went through the same thing recently. I'm wondering, if you are like me it was hard to separate the W's actions from our own wants, i.e. we haven't truly detached. I'm sure we "needed" soem catalyst to get to a better place in this and maybe that's what this week was?

(((Monkster))) & =@ @=
I'm sure we "needed" soem catalyst to get to a better place in this and maybe that's what this week was?

Think you are on to something Thunder Lizard.
Thunder lizard? Interesting... Lol!

It's challenging because I think if it weren't for the kids, I would have said whatevs. I'm out! Well.. That's how I imagine I would be. The reality.. Never really know until you get there. In the past I said, an affair would be a deal breaker for me but looky here.. Apparently it is not.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. (darn it.. Seems a lot of us got the nuts!)
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't...you are correct----Henry Ford
Lounge Lizard?

Chris...I think an A when you have kids is probably a deal breaker...but in super slow motion. What do you think?

I'm with you...that if no kids and A ...hard to imagine sticking around for long
Its different in a way. I know everybody here, including myself, thinks I am being impatient. I am. I honestly try to look at this objectively and give it time. Nevertheless, its gets so very taxing when I think about waiting and what I'm waiting on. Do I even like this person right now? Right now, no, yet there is still something there that draws me to her.I think I fell into the "let me fix this" trap.

Oh well, what else would I be doing? I mean except for dating super models, solving decades-old cold cases, and curing cancer.

Such a total mess when it comes to my sitch this week. "That's it I'm done with this crazy Bytch"; just to be followed a few days later by "geesh, I sure do miss her still." Only saving grace - she has not seen my bad attitude this week. Sure got a boat-load of hers though.
Hey GM maybe the takeaway there is when you're feeling such intense emotion wait a while and see how you feel then.
I agree with adinva, sounds to me that you may not be quite ready to call it quits after all. I think the emotions are so raw between the two of you right now that it may be hard to make any sound decisions at the moment. Your patience will be your saving grace... (I need to take my own advice, believe me.)
Originally Posted By: Grmpy_Mnky
Its different in a way. I know everybody here, including myself, thinks I am being impatient. I am. I honestly try to look at this objectively and give it time. Nevertheless, its gets so very taxing when I think about waiting and what I'm waiting on. Do I even like this person right now? Right now, no, yet there is still something there that draws me to her.I think I fell into the "let me fix this" trap.

Ray - no matter how long our sitches have lasted we are all driven crazy by our confusion over what standing for M actually is. All these thousands of posts between us all and all of us are still dumbfounded...but we are all moving to peace step by step together, while our WAS's stumble around like zombies. I don't know the answer Ray...but sometimes we just have to let it ride with the will of the universe.

Oh well, what else would I be doing? I mean except for dating super models, solving decades-old cold cases, and curing cancer.

Such a total mess when it comes to my sitch this week. "That's it I'm done with this crazy Bytch"; just to be followed a few days later by "geesh, I sure do miss her still." Only saving grace - she has not seen my bad attitude this week. Sure got a boat-load of hers though.


Ray - I only know of your W through your posts and so forth however I keep thinking she's not done with you or her sitch. I don't want to across as some DB seer, but it really does strike me that way.
[quote=rickb89
I don't know the answer Ray...but sometimes we just have to let it ride with the will of the universe.

[/quote]

Like^^^
Ok, I think its time I get a lesson in quoting, i don't seem to be getting it right.
You left out a bracket. Otherwise it was good! smile
Originally Posted By: rickb89
I don't know the answer Ray...but sometimes we just have to let it ride with the will of the universe.



Like^^^^^
Boooo-ya, thanks Bug!!
I don't know the answer Ray...but sometimes we just have to let it ride with the will of the universe.

Indeed. I think that is where I am now. Since this past Monday my feelings have evened out a bit. Not angry, not sad, just kinda of here? I still love her and I don't think I can replace her yet. Despite all her (and my) issues, there is still something profound between the two of us that is beyond explanation.

I find it curious; if I had come across another member posting what I have on my sitch I would have yanked - out the 2x4's and gone medieval. Thanks for your patience with me - all of you.
Answers come in their own time...the 2" * 4" just wakes us up enough to hear the answers when they come
Originally Posted By: Monkey
Since this past Monday my feelings have evened out a bit. Not angry, not sad, just kinda of here?


Here?

Where?

I Know I seem vague bit I am serious.

I am not here to convince you stick it out for W while she is stil confused.

I am here to piont out that whether yor M ends or not you still have a choice.

Choice?

To confirm every doubt you have about love, your M, your W or whether you still believe the moon is in orbit or the sky is blue.

If you throw in the towel what does that say about you?

I don't know and it is not my place to demand answer from you but you damnwell beter be asking yourself,

You write your history and how you do, that will effect your future.
I really get a lot out of your posts Grit, hope you are here to stay for a while for us. Thank you!!!
Thanks Grit..
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
Originally Posted By: Monkey
Since this past Monday my feelings have evened out a bit. Not angry, not sad, just kinda of here?


Here?

Where?

I Know I seem vague bit I am serious.

I am not here to convince you stick it out for W while she is stil confused.

I am here to piont out that whether yor M ends or not you still have a choice.

Choice?

To confirm every doubt you have about love, your M, your W or whether you still believe the moon is in orbit or the sky is blue.

If you throw in the towel what does that say about you?

I don't know and it is not my place to demand answer from you but you damnwell beter be asking yourself,

You write your history and how you do, that will effect your future.




Not an easy question or choice huh Monkster? I am so with you on this dilemma! The hardest questions, the one's that strike closet to our cores, hit us the hardest and are the toughest to answer. No wonder we have a blowout every so often. Hell, teh WAS is allowed an unlimted number of blowouts.
G Monk...have you ever discussed MC with W? Have you tried it with her? Just wondering if she would be open to that?
Yeah I did. She refuses. "we are not good for each other" end of story?
Originally Posted By: Grmpy_Mnky
Yeah I did. She refuses. "we are not good for each other" end of story?


My H said the same thing 3 months ago. I haven't brought it back up again. I have been wondering when a good time might be.

I guess there never really is a good time. You just say it or you don't.
^^^ I know, right? WTF?
Mnky your W is very much like mine. In that they are done no more chances. pretty sad.
Mnky... Welcome to purgatory (that place where you feel like you cant move forward or backward) like you said: just kinda here.

Dont beat yourself up about having a melt down, you're only human (well... More mnky than human) but you're allowed to change feelings and rethink choices..... I wish our WAS would take advantage of the ability to change their minds!

You aren't alone... Plenty of us here to keep you company smile
Yean primate person...by going back and forth on this you're actually doing yourself a favor. It makes sure you evaluate everything from all angles, and it really helps you know yourself so much better. Don't get down on yourself for this. Seriously, if you didn't agonize over this there would be something wrong.

peace bro
Originally Posted By: Rick1963
Mnky your W is very much like mine. In that they are done no more chances. pretty sad.


My H is just the same...And I believe him. Everything in him - his demeanor and his actions back up his words. So sad... :-(

(((hugs for us all)))
Got served with D papers this morning...much needed closure?
So sorry but now you know the next step.

J
Time to take care of yourself. We got your back buddy
so sorry sweetheart. (((( ray ))))
((Mnky)) I'm so sorry you're hurting. I hope more people will chime in and offer you support and words of wisdom.

This must feel like bomb day all over again. Just remember how far you've come and how good of a person you are. Don't let these papers stop you.

We're here for you.
I have not posted much, and by no means a vet or expert, but sorry to hear the news. I have a feeling I will be in the same boat in the next few months...but I try to take strength from the idea that D papers are just papers...and just another step along this road we call life.

There is a quote/philosophy I really tuned into and liked, I don't remember if it was MWD book or somewhere else, but I think it was based on Buddhism and it talked about a farmer who's horse ran away. neighbor said "what bad luck" farmer said "good luck, bad luck, who knows". next day the horse came back with 6 other fine horses, neighbor said "what good luck", farmer said "good luck, bad luck, who knows". the next day the farmers son was breaking in one of the new horses and it threw him off and broke his leg (neighbor/farmer reply), next day the army came recruiting and left son at home with broken leg... So we never really know what life will give us...and even the bad moments might turn out to be something good in the end. Keep working toward the good, improving yourself, making yourself happy, and good things will come from that.
Grumpy, you are not alone, we are here for you whatever time of day you need.

Your W is a fool!
Hang it there, man. It does not mean it is the end. Just part of the process. I got mine back in September - two weeks after bomb dropped. The road has been long and winding since then - and it is not over. Chin up - it hurts, but it does not mark the end.

Keep posting.

Crimson
Thanks folks. Nah, wife not a fool. Two sides to the story. Years of neglect did a lot damage.
Well, that bites. How are you? I know you had a tough week last week, with first being ready to ask her for a D, then getting chewed on by her, etc. That kind of emotional turmoil could almost make this feel like a relief.

Is there anything we can do for you? You know we completely get how tough it is. (((GM)))
Thanks Crazy. It hurts again and I know I have no one to blame but myself. I did this and now I will need to ride it out. Life will go on but it sure does stink tonight.

Time to let this thread die - I;ll start a new one.
Originally Posted By: Grmpy_Mnky
Thanks folks. Nah, wife not a fool. Two sides to the story. Years of neglect did a lot damage.


You know I am right there with you on this but we can only take 50% of the responsibility.

We did the best we could with the tools we had at the time.

Now we would do better and we will do better.
Thank you Bug. This too shall pass..
Originally Posted By: Ichrus
I have not posted much, and by no means a vet or expert, but sorry to hear the news. I have a feeling I will be in the same boat in the next few months...but I try to take strength from the idea that D papers are just papers...and just another step along this road we call life.

There is a quote/philosophy I really tuned into and liked, I don't remember if it was MWD book or somewhere else, but I think it was based on Buddhism and it talked about a farmer who's horse ran away. neighbor said "what bad luck" farmer said "good luck, bad luck, who knows". next day the horse came back with 6 other fine horses, neighbor said "what good luck", farmer said "good luck, bad luck, who knows". the next day the farmers son was breaking in one of the new horses and it threw him off and broke his leg (neighbor/farmer reply), next day the army came recruiting and left son at home with broken leg... So we never really know what life will give us...and even the bad moments might turn out to be something good in the end. Keep working toward the good, improving yourself, making yourself happy, and good things will come from that.


love this ^^^^^^^^^^^ !!!!!!!!!
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