old problem, new solution? - 02/29/12 03:45 PM
Hello-
Man! I am glad something like this exists- I have been fit to be tied over and over again with our marital problems, and now can tap into another resource with this forum.
I have recently bought the SSM book and am starting chapter 6 today with the hopes of finishing the book by tonight. I will re-read to figure out a strategy- and hope to share this book with my husband.
I am the HD partner- my husband is LD, but probably doesn't want to admit it- He doesn't want to talk about this issue- but acts as if I should live without any sex life. After years of trying to be seductive early on, I have gotten angry and withdrawn. We have successfully born and raised 6 children- however it amazes me how much begging I had to do. Especially early on there has been significant porn issues and I caught him doing phone sex (not in the act, but by investigating a phone bill) just before we got married. I was naive and trusting of his sorrow and remorse and we got married, although I was crushed by it. He prematurely ejaculates- and I was sooooo patient with him, and tried to be encouraging to find solutions. After a while I figured out he was not going to do anything about it- and I felt very dejected and dismissed. Because we are not in the stereotypical roles-in my pursuit of any solutions, I have felt very odd and very lonely. On a sort of related note, I converted to Catholicism about 13 years ago- from another Christian denomination to match my husband's religion and to raise our children in a unified faith life. I am profoundly happy to be in the Church- it has largely vindicated me on many beliefs I had on marriage- however their are sticky points that I need to learn more about as well. Anyway, I have lived this married life for so long in utter disbelief that any husband of mine could have so little interest in sex. In low (most) moments I resign myself- and in lower moments I get very bitter. I do have to say IMO that the poor quality of our sex life (now non-existent for many years since last child born and menopause) has either caused, or is a result of, every other aspect of our married life- which is not very good. I think the barometer is a true indicator, but I'd bet my husband would disagree.
I guess I have some work to do- but I feel like throwing the book at him with my unedited remarks in the margins- however I don't think this would be very productive, probably should buy another book.
I have read several posts here this morning, please forgive me if I am not finding the appropriate posts yet for helpful advice- but the amount of information here is a bit overwhelming to me right now. I am grateful to have found this forum and am sharing my story- I know you all will have good advice for me, hoping, anyway. Thanks.
Man! I am glad something like this exists- I have been fit to be tied over and over again with our marital problems, and now can tap into another resource with this forum.
I have recently bought the SSM book and am starting chapter 6 today with the hopes of finishing the book by tonight. I will re-read to figure out a strategy- and hope to share this book with my husband.
I am the HD partner- my husband is LD, but probably doesn't want to admit it- He doesn't want to talk about this issue- but acts as if I should live without any sex life. After years of trying to be seductive early on, I have gotten angry and withdrawn. We have successfully born and raised 6 children- however it amazes me how much begging I had to do. Especially early on there has been significant porn issues and I caught him doing phone sex (not in the act, but by investigating a phone bill) just before we got married. I was naive and trusting of his sorrow and remorse and we got married, although I was crushed by it. He prematurely ejaculates- and I was sooooo patient with him, and tried to be encouraging to find solutions. After a while I figured out he was not going to do anything about it- and I felt very dejected and dismissed. Because we are not in the stereotypical roles-in my pursuit of any solutions, I have felt very odd and very lonely. On a sort of related note, I converted to Catholicism about 13 years ago- from another Christian denomination to match my husband's religion and to raise our children in a unified faith life. I am profoundly happy to be in the Church- it has largely vindicated me on many beliefs I had on marriage- however their are sticky points that I need to learn more about as well. Anyway, I have lived this married life for so long in utter disbelief that any husband of mine could have so little interest in sex. In low (most) moments I resign myself- and in lower moments I get very bitter. I do have to say IMO that the poor quality of our sex life (now non-existent for many years since last child born and menopause) has either caused, or is a result of, every other aspect of our married life- which is not very good. I think the barometer is a true indicator, but I'd bet my husband would disagree.
I guess I have some work to do- but I feel like throwing the book at him with my unedited remarks in the margins- however I don't think this would be very productive, probably should buy another book.
I have read several posts here this morning, please forgive me if I am not finding the appropriate posts yet for helpful advice- but the amount of information here is a bit overwhelming to me right now. I am grateful to have found this forum and am sharing my story- I know you all will have good advice for me, hoping, anyway. Thanks.