My mom's b-day is today. She would've been 79 today. So, I put on my FB page the following....
Happy Birthday Mom! You would have been 79 today. I plan to celebrate you today because you are my hero! You were the only person who never gave up on me when I was at my worst and did my worst. I miss you every day and I know that you are the angel on my shoulder who keeps guiding me to be my best every day.
My mom's b-day is today. She would've been 79 today. So, I put on my FB page the following....
Happy Birthday Mom! You would have been 79 today. I plan to celebrate you today because you are my hero! You were the only person who never gave up on me when I was at my worst and did my worst. I miss you every day and I know that you are the angel on my shoulder who keeps guiding me to be my best every day.
That is really beautiful, zengypsy. Those are very touching words.
clicked too soon....
So STBXH sends me a msg on FB and said in the Subject Line...
Happy Birthday Luc (Lucille was her name and my H called her Luc for short)
Was thinking of your Mom today. She was a great lady!
I don't know whether I should respond or not. My hands were shaking when I saw he sent me a msg. He won't write anything on my wall for everyone to see, but he sends me a msg to keep it private. What I really want to tell him yes, she was and she'd be SO disappointed at what you've done to her daughter. The arrogance he has...ARGHHH. He promised her on her death bed that he would take care of me and D'g me is how he's taking care of me. I'm feeling a major mix of anger and sadness right now.
On his wall he puts Happy Valetines with hearts around it. All his work friends (mostly girls) made comments or said they "liked" his comment. Whatever! Feed that ego, feed that ego.
I seriously don't know what to make of this or not make of this. Would he have remembered it was her b-day if I didn't post something about it? Was this possibly another baby step? So confused and my hands are still shaking.
and i'm sorry about your mom, very beautiful post and it must be hard not to have her with you during this time. *hugs*
he did message that he was thinking of your mom today and seeing your post he probably felt he should let you know that. I'd say that's a positive. If you do respond just thank him do NOT spit out what you really want to say.. lol
and let him feed his darn ego, he probably has a gaping hole in his heart and needs to fill it somehow.
Btw...there was a slight dig at my STXH in that post for my mom on FB; this part..."You were the only person who never gave up on me when I was at my worst and did my worst."
I hope he got the correlation but his arrogance probably trumped everything else. He's such as a$$.
don't message him back
please
i feel you today and take yourself out and celebrate your mother
you know she is with you
and so are we
xo
don't message him back
please
i feel you today and take yourself out and celebrate your mother
you know she is with you
and so are we
xo
grr...not even to just say thank you?
Zen, he won't get the correlation. He's an alien. You have to bluntly beat an alien in the head before they see something sometimes.
Don't worry about it.
I think he wanted a way to touch base with you and that's how he did it. It was a safe way for him to reach out and say he's thinking of you without a romantic overtone to it.
I'm not sure you should respond. I think you should post another, more upbeat, status update so he doesn't think you're wallowing in sadness by yourself today.
Run it past the BITS first though, Zen!!!
Zen,
Stop.
Tell me this...
Even though your H probably didn't get it...
What did you get out of the dig that you put on FB?
Were you expecting a reaction from him?
And then you got upset by his message to you about your mom, which was a kind comment...
I realize you just got D papers, and I am sorry that you had to go through that....
However, you must feel your feelings without taking it out on him or looking for a reaction from him...
Honestly, it seems like you are looking for a fight right now.
Where are the boys to weigh in????!!!!
Yeah, I get it. I would be pretty angry too.
I wouldn't respond, Gypsy. Not even to say thank you. If you feel like you have to respond, "thanks" will be plenty sufficient.
I like what Hope said, though. Let Facebook know how terrific you are doing!!
Zen,
Stop.
Tell me this...
Even though your H probably didn't get it...
What did you get out of the dig that you put on FB?
Were you expecting a reaction from him?
And then you got upset by his message to you about your mom, which was a kind comment...
I realize you just got D papers, and I am sorry that you had to go through that....
However, you must feel your feelings without taking it out on him or looking for a reaction from him...
Honestly, it seems like you are looking for a fight right now.
Cat....
No, I'm really not looking for a fight. I'm a lover not a fighter! Picking a fight is only doing more of the same and would be a moot point. I wasn't expecting a reaction either. But he did react in a positive way.
What I wrote is truly how I feel about my mom and if that included a subtle dig, then so be it. But it is the truth. I wasn't upset about his message to me, I got nervous when I saw he sent me a msg because we don't communicate and whenever he reaches out to me to communicate, it's always very negative. My guard is up with him ALL the time for my protection. My trust in him is very low at this juncture and sadly so.
I am torn here. While messaging him back a simple "thank you" would certainly not be totally unacceptable I fail to see what it would accomplish.
Then again no response would be something different. He knows you want him back he knows you would jump at the chance to reconcile. If you offer no response at least not right away he might wonder why or he might not. What would you have normally done? How would you have normally responded?
I think wait a few hours to clear your mind and then perhaps respond. There is certainly no reason to respond right away. I am bad about doing this W sends a text I respond right away like I have been waiting for it all day. I wonder what would happen if I wait an hour or two before responding. Same is true here. Wait and get some more feedback before deciding.
I am torn here. While messaging him back a simple "thank you" would certainly not be totally unacceptable I fail to see what it would accomplish.
Then again no response would be something different. He knows you want him back he knows you would jump at the chance to reconcile. If you offer no response at least not right away he might wonder why or he might not. What would you have normally done? How would you have normally responded?
I think wait a few hours to clear your mind and then perhaps respond. There is certainly no reason to respond right away. I am bad about doing this W sends a text I respond right away like I have been waiting for it all day. I wonder what would happen if I wait an hour or two before responding. Same is true here. Wait and get some more feedback before deciding.
2, I would have normally responsed with a simple, yes she was (to the great lady comment). Thank you for thinking of her. That's all-short and to the point. If I do respond at all, my plan was to respond much later in tonight as if I was too busy during the day and early evening. Or I can even wait until tommorrow when I change my status back to something cool and positive. Trying to practice patience here because my normal reaction is reply post haste!
Zen, go buy yourself some roses, take a photo and post on FB with "my gorgeous Valentine's Day roses, can't wait for dinner and movie tonight!". Then take yourself out to dinner and a movie!! Grab a girlfriend if you want.
#1 It will get his curiosity up but it's not meant to make him jealous, just to see that you are having a good day and not sitting around crying over him (because that is NOT attractive!)
#2 It will lift your spirits and you deserve it!
#3 Most importantly - Be your own Valentine! Detach, GAL, act as it, whatever you want to call it. Just treat yourself, enjoy the day and the fact that are DB'ing and working on YOU. Love yourself.
no, don't say thank you
if for nothing else, then you might be waiting for a response
i think that i would
xo
No, I'm really not looking for a fight. I'm a lover not a fighter! Picking a fight is only doing more of the same and would be a moot point
It doesn't appear that way.
And this is why...
if that included a subtle dig, then so be it.
Does this further your cause in any way?
It looks like more of the same to me.
Listen, you are going to reply to him no matter what anyone says, if that is what you want to do.
And somehow, someone's feelings, probably yours, will get hurt.
View his message as kind words, something you admit you are not used to right now, and leave it at that.
And make today special for yourself. Because you want to and for no other reason.
Where are the boys to weigh in????!!!!
Gypsy... I agree with LIS, Hope and Grr. Do not respond at all. It will serve absolutely no purpose.
I think a response would have been good had he sent you that message prior to your FB posting (which was beautiful btw), but it was after.
Lastly, he didn't really give you anything to respond to. If he had asked how you were doing, yes, respond. But he didn't.
I like the idea of the roses, picture posted on FB. Also... go post that picture of your new shoes!!! And go do something for yourself tonight!
BITS
Denver
You BITS are the best.
Thanks for everyone weighing in. I have alot of information to mull over.
Thank you all for saying my msg to my mom was beautiful; it's just the kind of person she was.
I wish I had some xtra $ to go get myself some flowers, but I spent it on my kick a$$ shoes and flowers for my mom. What I am going to do is follow Hope's advice with a twist. I'm going to prob take a pic of the flowers I got for my mom, post it on FB and then tommorrow thank everyone for their well wishes and say something like, what a way to celebrate; flowers, dinner and a movie! Pretty broad statemnt - these things can be done at home or out. Trying to raise that curosity Hope!
Denver, I'd post the pic of my shoes on FB, but if H saw them, he would just be like she's shopping....again. Major bone of contention with him. Don't want to stir the pot too much with the court date pending. If I didn't have that, I would so post that pic in a heartbeat!!!
Hugs and Love to you all - ZEN
I'm not one of the BITS, but you've got the right idea. Don't respond. And if your H is the type to like his ego stoked, wait till he sees how well his W is living without him.
I always believe that FB is a good way to show your spower that you are GAL. And that's all that matters in the end.
Denver, I'd post the pic of my shoes on FB, but if H saw them, he would just be like she's shopping....again. Major bone of contention with him. Don't want to stir the pot too much with the court date pending. If I didn't have that, I would so post that pic in a heartbeat!!!
Post the picture of the shoes with the caption
"Absolutely LOVE my Valentine's gift!!"It would not be a lie... It was a gift... to yourself!
BITS
Denver
Denver, I'd post the pic of my shoes on FB, but if H saw them, he would just be like she's shopping....again. Major bone of contention with him. Don't want to stir the pot too much with the court date pending. If I didn't have that, I would so post that pic in a heartbeat!!!
Post the picture of the shoes with the caption
"Absolutely LOVE my Valentine's gift!!" 
It would not be a lie... It was a gift... to yourself!
BITS
Denver
Ok say I decided not to respond the his msg. I'm just going to tuck it in my back pocket as hopefully another baby step. It was very nice of him to send me that whether it was after I posted on FB or not.
So this is what I ended up putting on my page today after all the FB responses I got yesterday. My mom really touched the lives of so many people. It was very nice to see so many people acknowledge her birthday thru me.
"Thank you everyone for all your wishes. It was greatly appreciated and I celebrated with a mix of flowers, dinner and a movie."
This can either shoot me in the foot or peak his curiosity. I truly hope it'as not going to be the first and that he's thinking, great she has FINALLY moved on.
Denver, LOVED the spin on the pic of the shoe idea. Went to take the pic and discovered I had no juice in the camera. I would have used my phone camera but it s**ks. So this ended up to be Plan B.
BUMP^^^^
Just looking for a little feedback....
I think that response was awesome. I still hate FB, though. But oh, how I wish you were able to post the pictures of your hot shoes!!!!!
I'm really sorry about your mom. We're never too old not to need our moms. Big hugs, sweetie!!!
LIS
Thanks LIS. I know...those shoes!!!
Thanks about my mom. No we aren't ever too old. Mine's been gone for 9 years in October this year. She was not only my hero but the bestest friend anyone could ask for.
Big Hugs back - ZEN
i loved what you did
and it will make him curious
lets put it this way, if he does think "great she has someone else" then it would not have mattered anyway and he does not deserve you
i hope you are ok
i know yesterday was hard on many levels
gosh - i wish we could just drop this stuff and get on with our lives and being happy - know what i mean?
xoxo
i loved what you did
and it will make him curious
lets put it this way, if he does think "great she has someone else" then it would not have mattered anyway and he does not deserve you
i hope you are ok
i know yesterday was hard on many levels
gosh - i wish we could just drop this stuff and get on with our lives and being happy - know what i mean?
More than you know grr.. more than you know. I just really miss my H every day even though he can be an a$$ and is being an A$$.
The other thing I did yesterday was send my MIL and step-FIL and e-card for their Valentine Anniv. My MIL and I have a jaded relationship, but I always sent her a paper card from H and I. I was grappling with what to do as she hasn;t been very nice to me during this whole process. Ya know, her son can do no wrong. But I did a 180 and sent the ecard. No response which was fine; didn't want one. But I keep making all these changes that appear to be throwing everyone for a loop. It feels good not in an arrogant way, but in a good way that the stuff I've been learning is actually being applied.
xoxo
Oh don't get me started on my in-laws.
"Thank you everyone for all your wishes. It was greatly appreciated and I celebrated with a mix of flowers, dinner and a movie."
"Thank you everyone for all your wishes. It was greatly appreciated and I celebrated with a mix of flowers, dinner and a movie
DATE" I just would have added that last word!
Nice job Gypsy!
BITS
Denver
I like it zen! Don't make decisions based on a response you hope to get from H.
What's the nike motto "just do it"
Gypsy,
You rock!!! That's awesome!
How are you doing today??? You'll never guess what I did... bought leopard print shoes! Very, very cool. I'm calling them my Zen shoes
I hope that you are having a great day! Just wanted to stop by tell you that I'm thinking about you and send hugs!
LIS
Oh don't get me started on my in-laws.
For some outlaws....right Scylla?!
[quote=lostinscared]Gypsy,
You rock!!! That's awesome!
How are you doing today??? You'll never guess what I did... bought leopard print shoes! Very, very cool. I'm calling them my Zen shoes
I hope that you are having a great day! Just wanted to stop by tell you that I'm thinking about you and send hugs!
Lis:
I'm doing ok and yourself? The shoes....Did you???!!!!! I'm flattered on so many levels.
Post a pic of them if you can. Here's a link to a pic of mine from the store I got them at. You will have to copy and paste.
http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=footwr&footwr%5Fstyle=&footwr%5Fsize=&footwr%5Fcolor=&footwr%5Fprice=&product%5Fid=2058635842&Page=all
I am SO excited for you; nothing like a little retail therapy with cool, funky, shoes! Go Lis!!!
Thanks for checking in and all your encouragement. YOU have a great day as well!
I like it zen! Don't make decisions based on a response you hope to get from H.
What's the nike motto "just do it"
Trying my hardest 2. Focusing on the application since I get it in my head!
"Thank you everyone for all your wishes. It was greatly appreciated and I celebrated with a mix of flowers, dinner and a movie."
"Thank you everyone for all your wishes. It was greatly appreciated and I celebrated with a mix of flowers, dinner and a movie
DATE" I just would have added that last word!
Nice job Gypsy!
BITS
Denver
I didn't want to push the envelope too much. beside, I didn't want to really give him what he'd want to hear and he'd be doing the happy dance if I put that. He'd be singing that he's free; finally from that selfish, manipulative b****! She finally got a clue.
Thanks for the support. I really thought long and hard on this one! Phew...!
Oooooooohhhhhhh Gypsy, I LOVE them!!!! Maybe I'll get a pair of those too!!!
Seriously, I'm so proud of myself for doing this! I'm more of the girl next door kind of gal. This is so not me, BUT IT IS FUN!!! Plus, I just loved the name of them.
Link to my Zen shoes:
http://www.shoemall.com/product/Naughty-...tm_campaign=CSEHave a great day, sweetie!!
LIS
lis -
those are so coool!!
i would love to be able to wear those, but truth be known i am a klutz and would break both ankles
i have to stick to my doc martens (not so sexy)
i love what you grrrllls are doing
xo
hahahahaha... I learned heels EARLY in life. I have a bit of a short complex. My dad is 6'5" and let's just say I'M NOT. That side of the family made fun of me mercilessly. I think I still need therapy
Oooooooohhhhhhh Gypsy, I LOVE them!!!! Maybe I'll get a pair of those too!!!
Seriously, I'm so proud of myself for doing this! I'm more of the girl next door kind of gal. This is so not me, BUT IT IS FUN!!! Plus, I just loved the name of them.
Link to my Zen shoes:
http://www.shoemall.com/product/Naughty-...tm_campaign=CSEHave a great day, sweetie!!
LIS
They look like nice bedroom shoes!! lol
Super sexy looking, good for you for going out of your comfort zone!
hahahahaha... I learned heels EARLY in life. I have a bit of a short complex. My dad is 6'5" and let's just say I'M NOT. That side of the family made fun of me mercilessly. I think I still need therapy
LIS :
LOVE, LOVE the shoes. Every girl needs a pair of F* me shoes!!!!! That's a NY state of mind thing!!!
Thanks for sharing. I wished you lived closer. Something tells me that we'd get into ALOT of trouble!!!
f*ck me shoes!!!!!
yes we do!
f*ck me shoes!!!!!
yes we do!
Nice grr!
Well, then, now that we all know and understand my motives...
Gypsy, LOTS AND LOTS of trouble, but boy would we have fun causing it!!!
:-) Ladies ... you crack me up. Thanks.
I have such a pair of shoes .... its called whatever shoes I happen to be wearing that minute ...... lol
Uggg, this monk lifestyle might kill me
:-) Ladies ... you crack me up. Thanks.
I have such a pair of shoes .... its called whatever shoes I happen to be wearing that minute ...... lol
Now THAT was funny Ironman!!
BITS
Denver
Oh my goodness!!! I just fell off my chair laughing. The office thinks I'm nuts.
I'm busting out of the convent!
Carry on...
Ugg, no talking of busts to the monks please.
Oh my goodness!!! I just fell off my chair laughing. The office thinks I'm nuts.
I'm busting out of the convent!
Carry on...
LIS...after buying those shoes, they wouldn't even let you in the convent!
ironman, that was very funny
and i know funny!
What time is the live show on?
BITS
Denver
11:30 east coast
but only once a week
Holy Tuna Fish Batman! What is going on in this thread? I've been missing all the action. A BITS party without the 2step is no party at all, hell I call that a 1step!
we knew you were just being fashionably late!
we knew you were just being fashionably late!
Indeed Madam
Fridays?
Yep 2Step! Where ya been?!
BITS
Denver
oh, now i get what you mean denver
THAT kind of a show
already over
too bad
it was a good one
Ya know grr...all I can say to the boys....he who hesitates....
How's it going today Gypsy???
Hey LIS - Thanks for checking in.
Yesterday for some reason I was a little bit down. Not sure why-just had all this junk swirling around in my head. Not even the leopard print shoes could put a smile on my face yesterday. I guess I will have some days like that. Today is a little better; just looking forward to the long weekend.
How are you my friend?
I'm so sorry, sweetie. You absolutely will have days like that, but its good that you recognize that and don't beat yourself up over it!
What kind of junk are you thinking about?
Have you heard from H at all?
LIS
Zen,
I'm with you the end of this week has been really anxiety ridden for me. I have my boys this weekend so hopefully I will be able to keep W off my mind. Maybe you need some zebra print shoes?
Zebra, now why didn't I think of that!!! Zebra fixes everything!!
Thanks for the laugh DAO!
LIS, you will have days like that but it's so great that you recognize that.
How can we get out of those funks? Do we make ourselves like a list or something? Maybe like, things I like to do when I feel like crap...or...I like to do x when my mind is racing.
I need that list too. You know what? I'm going to work on that list when I'm in a good mood!
maybe do the same?
You already have Zebra prints on the list.
Leopard panties? New perfume?
Long walk?
I'm just riffing...
OH and by LIS, I meant Zen! You gals are so hard to keep up with
Zen,
Hope your day is getting better!
Hugs,
Rae