I have come long way since I started posting here, but I have long ways to go.
Everything is at the link.
I don't know what to say...
Yesterday, I tried to move in a new direction. It not only backfired, but I do not think I should have even bothered to try. We share our car together since my name is still on the title. I have not been paying on the car or insurance since I have been out of work.
She gave me an invoice for what I owe on the insurance and the car payment, and she is also taking me to court over it. I expected that from her. I did not expect that she would try to get me to pay for the daycare she decided to hire while she is at work. She said it is her choice to have someone other than me to take care of the kids while she is at work. I told her I did not want her to do it, but she said "it is my time with the kids." I have not done anything to fight this until our court hearing this November. She is even charging me for gas when I have been putting gas in the car for time I use it.
I still do not believe that she wants me to pay for her hiring daycare.
Not much has changed. I am stressed out, but I will keep doing my best.
I would like to thank everyone here so much for the support I have received.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2044133&page=50
LSG,
What was the move you made that backfired?
Personally, I think she's nuts if she thinks you're going to repay her for the insurance and car payment. You've been a SAHD and odds are she's the one who's going to pay support for a long time.
And expecting you to pay for her daycare is batsh#t crazy as well. But I'm no lawyer, and I hope that you're going to contact one immediately.
How's the job hunt?
That's just so wrong.
How's the job hunt?
Is there any L around who can offer free help?
This is an emotional abuse.
PH,
We agreed to share the car 50/50. I have the car when I have the kids, and she has the car when she has the kids.
She called me about 3-4 times this weekend, and I agreed to let her use it for about 6 hours yesterday. I was just taking the kids close by to the park and to church. Her mom has been staying here, and I don't know why I thought it would be harmless to let her have it during that time. Maybe I feel guilty about not making payments on it, and I thought it would be the right thing to do. I just did. I guess I was annoyed by the phone calls. I was ignoring them, and I thought too it would be a good example to set for the kids too. I just don't know really what was going through my head.
Then, I she hands me an invoice today for all these payments she expects me to pay. I was just so angry about it today.
She also wanted clothes for the kids when she left everything and moved out. She expected me to move everything and did not want anything, and now, she wants clothes for the kids when she could have discussed this while she moved out all of a sudden. I just don't know.
I asked the kids yesterday to pick some clothes out to take to take to their moms because I do not want them to be without clothes. D and S told me they have lots of clothes at STBXW's place. I told her their mom said they need need some clothes and we would find for for them to take. They said that STBXW is lying, and they need clothes at my place more. D said some other things, and I just did not do it. I am glad I did not give her any of the clothes after she gave me the invoice with an evil look on her face. I just don't get it.
I guess being "nice" backfired.
I think I need to adjust the amount I receive in spousal and child support from her.
Thanks for the support. I kind of need it these days.
Pookie,
I had a great job interview on Friday, and I think I will get the job. At least, I hope I will get the job. I did explain the situation some, and the company is very understanding.
I have had some interviews, and I hope something will happen soon. I will keep you guys posted as much as possible.
I use my daughters library card to have more access to the computers at the library. It is very helpful. I also go to two different libraries daily now. It is a little walking, but I am doing okay.
I have mediation this Thursday on the harrassment case for my last apartment. If it settles, I have a company that will give me early funding to pay bills and hire an attorney. It will relieve some of the stress for a while and buy me time to gain employment. It will cost me alot to do this. I don't care about the money if I can stop everything else that never seems to stop happening to me. I need peace of mind someday. I need to eat better too. I don't think a baked potato a day will keep the doctor away.
I will be able to hire an attorney. STBXW does not know this, so I should be able to fight her in court. I hope to settle that day, but she is also on the case. It is just another obstacle for me.
I will glad when her mom goes back to Japan too. She is here for 90 days. She has 74 days left before she goes home. I am counting down the days.
That is most of what has been happening lately.
Thanks for checking on my new thread.
I have been trying to keep away from my sob story on this forum for a little bit.
Keep going strong everyone and believe that everything will be okay for all of you. It has too.
Just thinking of you and rooting for you, LSG!
Remember, no more Mr. Nice Guy!
Work on getting the attorney and continue to fight for your kids and yourself.
Man, I hope for the best for you, I really do.
Take care.
Have you tried all the help that this great country has to offer?
I am not an advocate of government handouts, but have you tried?
Have you tried local charities, churches, nonprofit organizations?
No one should be eating a baked potato a day.
This is still America.
(not at you
)
Habg tough LSG. Good to hear from you again.
Best of luck to you and your kids. I know you are a great dad for them. Keep it up!!
IDU,Pookie, and DanF,
Just thinking about you guys. I have not had the time to comment to you guys individually, but I have checked in on you guys. Keep doing your best, and it will be okay.
I know the affair is still going on with my STBXW and the OM because she still has the phone he pays for and would come up with his name on our home phone caller ID. I guess I still care, but I could not go back to her I am almost 100% sure.
Take care everyone!
PH,
My best is with you too.
Take care!
It's cool LSG. No need to respond individually. There are better and more important things to do.
Keep fighting the good fight. Not sure I want my W back either.
LSG,
Good luck with the job search. And I do think that you should be getting a lawyer to adjust the spousal support!
Looking back at all of your threads, I've seen you grow so much! You can handle this.
A short (boring) story. My mom got divorced when I was in 3rd grade. Had no job skills, couldn't drive, yada yada. Now I look back at all the hard work she did to raise four kids after a sh#thead of a husband left her. In the years to come, your kids will look at you in awe of what you did to fight for them, and to give them your best.
PH,
The job search is going well. I have a second interview on Tuesday for a job I want really bad. The President of the company wants me to bring in a writing sample. It has to be in a report (proposal) format. The only report I could find is 40 pages from three years ago. It is the day before I submitted the final paper. It will have to do.
Maybe, I have grown, but I have so much more growing to do to feel completely healthy, happy, and at peace. I guess it will just take more time. I still think to myself that the marriage could have made it. I guess others probably feel this way too from time to time.
Do you mind me asking if that "sh#thead of a husband" you are referring to is your father? I hope this is not too personal to ask.
You made me feel better today with how the kids could someday view me. I want them to always have respect and love for me. My son always tells me that I am a great father, and I never want to let him down. My S and D deserve so much. I will never give up or stop fighting for them.
Also, I sometimes wonder whether or not if I finally gave up fighting for my marriage. I wish I knew of this site and myself better when I first found out about the affair. Maybe the outcome would have been different. Sorry, I just am thinking too much today.
I feel some peace today!
Thank you very much!!!
Hey LSG,
Man you doing so good! Wish you the best of luck with the job something good will happen soon for you. Just been super busy with work , school, S & moving to new place next month a little closer to S. Nothing new in my stich except I'm tired of being angry & cold or just existing.
So the past 2 weeks W & I both have been nice to eachother even a few jokes. We even talked for about 35 min. durring our S family T. I know it's nothing, but it would be nice if something turned around. Just like u I wonder if I caught the affair sooner things would change probbly not according to her. Who knows but if it didn't happen I tkink I would heal much better..
I don't know if this will help but to books I trying to read are The Dalai Lama Finding Forgiveness. Some of the material is deep but the basic concepts apply. I know you'll get a kick out of this one but it has a lot of useful tools to help heal & its Mars & Venus Starting Over.
Keep up the great work with your kids you are the best in their eyes. I just wish I could spend more time with my S but I think we all want to spend more time with our kids. Well hang in there I often think your doing a lot better than me so keep it up. It seems like this year is flying buy yet also painfully slow at the same time. Well catch up to u later.
PH,
The job search is going well. I have a second interview on Tuesday for a job I want really bad. The President of the company wants me to bring in a writing sample. It has to be in a report (proposal) format. The only report I could find is 40 pages from three years ago. It is the day before I submitted the final paper. It will have to do.
Maybe, I have grown, but I have so much more growing to do to feel completely healthy, happy, and at peace. I guess it will just take more time. I still think to myself that the marriage could have made it. I guess others probably feel this way too from time to time.
Do you mind me asking if that "sh#thead of a husband" you are referring to is your father? I hope this is not too personal to ask.
You made me feel better today with how the kids could someday view me. I want them to always have respect and love for me. My son always tells me that I am a great father, and I never want to let him down. My S and D deserve so much. I will never give up or stop fighting for them.
Also, I sometimes wonder whether or not if I finally gave up fighting for my marriage. I wish I knew of this site and myself better when I first found out about the affair. Maybe the outcome would have been different. Sorry, I just am thinking too much today.
I feel some peace today!
Thank you very much!!!
Glad things are looking up! Yeah, the sh#thead was my father. He was a serial cheater, and my mom put up with it for over twenty years before she finally found a way out.
Enjoy your bliss every chance you get!
It has been awhile...
I have a hearing November 2. I have been trying to come up with a $1,000 for the attorney's fees. I have been racking up considerable debt lately. I just don't care anymore. It is about my kids. I have had to do whatever is possible to keep the apartment, and come up with money to pay for an attorney.
I survive is about all I do. I will probably foster a dog since they will pay all the expenses if I do it. The kids want a pet so bad, and it is a little one-eyed dog that needs some love. It will be good for the dog and the kids.
I keep hoping praying that I will be hired by this good company, and that my apartment harrassment suit will settle soon to get caught up on the bills. I just hope for a break soon.
I am so upset that my MIL takes care of the kids during my STBXW's time with the kids when I am available.
I have been sick a little, and my head throbs with pain everyday. It is unbearable at times, but I am learning to live with it. I am very tired lately, and I sleep as much as possible.
I just hope this nightmare will end someday.
Oh, my wife hired an attorney, and she is very ruthless I am told by the attorney I am consulting with. He said I need counsel because she will rip me apart in court.
That is most of what has been happening lately. Same sad story. I am just doing my best to hold on and keep the kids.
Everyone, I am wishing you all well. I think about all of you often.
Pray I can come up with $1,000 everyone.
Hey, LSG.
I wish things were looking better for you, I really do. It sounds like the job hunt is ongoing. Are you doing anything to expedite their choice as weather to hire you? Have you called, written a thank you letter, anything?
I hate to read this:
I have been sick a little, and my head throbs with pain everyday. It is unbearable at times, but I am learning to live with it. I am very tired lately, and I sleep as much as possible.
I just hope this nightmare will end someday.
Man, I know you are hurting and not having a job...well, I can't imagine. You have to find it in yourself to keep fighting. Eat, exercise, stay busy, keep your mind busy. Something.
I really wish there was something more I could do than just be your cheerleader. I want you to know that I think of you and I pray for you and your kids.
Please take care of yourself. Wishing you the best, man, I really mean it.
Praying for that job LSG.
IDU,
Things are looking up a little. My head is doing much better, but I still have a cough that is hanging on. I am doing okay today.
I had to take out a horrible loan that I am not sure I can afford to ever payback. I had to do it for the hearing next Tuesday. I will probably have to file for Bankruptcy before all is said and done. Not my first choice, but I have to do what I have to do to survive until I can start living again. I will not let my kids down or ever stop fighting for what is right. She will not win this fight. My resolve and determination has never been stronger. STBXW is not going to ruin my life anymore. I maybe ruinned financially, but it stops there. My kids I will fight to my death for them. They need a father, and I will always be there for them.
I do think I will be hired. I am meeting with the President of the company for a third time. The only reason that I am beating out 400 other candidated for the position is my follow-up with him. I like that and my honest upfront discussions. If it is not a go, I will fight for a very prominent role during the day in my kids lives. I do not think the MIL should have the right to care for the kids while I have been unemployed during this time.
I do believe that I have the money for the attorney, so it is time to fight for my rights. I will not give anything to her in this whole ordeal.
I am going to win this for me and the kids.
Life has to get better, and I am a day closer to that happening. Tomorrow or the next day could be that day, so I have to keep hope alive forever.
Anyways, I appreciate you rooting for me, and I am rooting for you. I am sorry for not commenting directly on your thread, but I am praying for you. Don't give up your hope, IDU!!!
TT,
Thank you so very much, and I am praying for you too.
Went to court today, and the hearing is now set for Trial on February 9, 2011. Will this ever end? I just don't know. I will be glad when it over. There is not much new right now. I have to get the job soon. I really need it so bad. I will see what happens. I have to go to a hearing on 12/2 too.
I need money so bad to fight this mess I am in. I pray for the job.
I think things will be okay someday, but it seems like forever.
Just an update for everyone.
Have a great day!!!
Good to hear from you LSG. Wish things were beter for you. Will pray for you to get the job.
Your court date was just a scheduling conference to schedule the final date? Nothing else happened there?
I have court on Thursday and it serves 2 purposes. First, there is a mediation hearing where we will formalize our agreement in terms of sharing placement of the kids. I am hoping that the support payments get recalculated since I will have the kids more often now. That would help me and also cause W to have to face reality sooner.
Second is what they call a scheduling conference. It is used to schedule the final court date if we can't agree on a settlement. Since W and her atty have not proposed any settlement yet, we will schedule a court date like you did.
Hang in there LSG and let us know when you land that job!! Best of luck to you.
Thanks Dan for the support.
Good news, I have a job offer, and I will accept it.
This will help alot. I just hope it does not turn out like the last job I had. I need my confidence to know I will do great.
Everything else is about the same, but I am concerned about child care, transportation, and everything else that I have deal with. I need to worry about the care too.
I am happy, but I am a little stressed about everything else. It will be okay I am sure.
Thanks for everyone here to keep me focused on the important aspects of my life.
I will keep moving forward.
Good news, I have a job offer, and I will accept it.
That is great news. I was up running very early this morning and said a prayer you would find what you need. So glad God knows who LSG is!
Cheers
Good news, I have a job offer, and I will accept it.
Good news, indeed! Congrats, LSG!
I just hope it does This will not turn out like the last job I had. I need my have confidence to and know I will do great.
You WILL do great. I know you're still worried about child care, etc. I think that is normal. Tackle them one at a time and you can find a solution. A little bit of stress keeps you on your toes.
Really, I am happy for you. Good luck and keep us posted!!
Fantastic news! Hearing good stuff like this always brings a smile to my face. Stay in touch, and remember, one day at a time.
Hi guys,
Yesterday was the best day I have had since all the trouble with my STBXW happened. Namely the affair and finding out about it.
I have felt that I have been surving since that day. Yesterday, I felt I was living for the first time in a long time, and it was great. I am happier since then. I still have a lot to work on. There is a lot of self doubt, and I still have concerns that things can't be this good. Money is tough too. I still have court hearings and money problems, but I will do my best to take care of them.
I am fostering a cat for the kids, and they are very happy. I do not have to pay anything for it. We just give it our love. It is nice to take care of it when the kids are not around. I am less lonely.
My boss told me that failure is not an option, and he is a good person. I am so happy to be there. I just focus on my job duties, and I try to learn as much as possible. I ride a bike to work. It is about 10 miles round trip. I feel good when I get there.
Not much else to say. I still wonder why it had to come to this for my marriage. I guess even with all that happens that I still have some feelings for my STBXW. I wish I did not. I do find that I do not like her or want to talk to her at all.
Everyone, my thoughts are with you. I am going to try to respond to as many people here as possible this weekend if I get a chance.
Hi, LSG -
Just checking in for an update. Please let me know how things are going for you.
You are in my prayers as always.
IDU
LSG -
Hope things are going well. How's the job? The kids? You?
Please post when you have time and let me know how you are doing.
Always thinking and praying for you and your family.
IDU
Hi IDU,
The job is going well. I have been there for over a month, and I am learning more everyday. I still need to gain more confidence and become more sure of myself, and I am sure that will come with time. I am happy to be working.
The kids are doing well, and the STBXW wife have 50/50 custody. I am glad to have them the time I do.
The court hearing are not going the greatest, but I will survive. My debt load is high, but I will try to get it down as much as I can. It will take time.
I am doing better, but I do not eat as well as I should, but I am eating more than I was. I need to improve what I eat next. It is a process, but life is slowly becoming better. I do not like being single, but I do not want to be in a relationship for a long time. I will just work on my life and the kids
I you are doing well. Please take care of yourself, and I will check up on everyone this weekend.
It is funny how things have changed since coming here. I had hoped that if I tried hard enough, I could have saved my marriage and my family.
I still wish things could have turned out differently. I will keep positive about my new life with me and the kids. I am okay, but I have a lot of healing to do.
I did a lot wrong before I found this compassionate website, and I made a lot of friends here too.
I plan to be here on occassion to check in and pass some of the lessons I have learned onto others.
I have high praise for so many on this site. I appreciate so many of you so much for being there for me. You know who you are. I do not want to single anyone out and forget someone. You are truly an amazing group of people that have faced so much heartache, but it will be okay.
Keep you dreams of a better life. It will be okay for everyone.
Hi LSG,
Thanks for staying in touch. I hope you are very successful in your job. Use your DB skills there as well, and in your relationship with your STBX over the kids. If something isn't working, do something different, and if it isn't broke, don't fix it. You seem to be a very a good person.
It's very easy to get a closed heart after divorce, especially if a spouse had an affair. You don't seem to be in that place, you seem to have an open heart, even though you want to wait to get into a relationship (very wise).
We're here for you.
Hi dbmod,
My job is going well, and my harrassment case is settled. I will get caught up on the bills, and my divorce should be final this February. I still have mixed emotions over the divorce, but I am trying to move on. I was an unsuccessful DBer, but I hope to be successful in life from what I have learned here and my experiences through this tough time in my life.
I do appreciate the kind words. I hope I will open my heart completely someday, but I need to adjust and take control of my life for me and the kids at the moment.
I do plan to stay in touch, but I don't know my place here anymore. I just have to find out where I am in my life.
I hope my story helps someone here.
I hope some good will come from it.
Thanks for the kind words!
LSG--
It will be helpful. You are welcome to stay here, and you might like the
Surviving the Big D forum. It's a lively/fun and supportive group.
LSG -
Hey, Bro. I'm so glad to hear things are going well for you. I don't post much anymore but you are always in my thoughts and prayers.
My job is going well, and my harrassment case is settled. I will get caught up on the bills, and my divorce should be final this February. I still have mixed emotions over the divorce, but I am trying to move on. I was an unsuccessful DBer, but I hope to be successful in life from what I have learned here and my experiences through this tough time in my life.
While you may not have been able to save your M, you are a success story! Go back and read your old posts and see how much you have grown!
What you have learned during this whole mess will mold you into a better person who is better equipped to handle anything life throws at you. You have been down and picked yourself back up and not only survived, but you are thriving!
You are living proof that we will all be okay no matter what. How are the kids doing? I am sure you are doing your part in making this as painless as possible on them. I am still afraid of what a D would do to mine. All I know is that I love them more than life itself and will do the best I can by them. And I know you feel the same way.
Please do stay in touch and don't be a stranger! Let me know how you are doing. Details!
Always here for you, man!
IDU
Hi IDU,
How are you? I hope all is well.
My kids are doing okay, but they seem to have some issues with their mom. They don't like that there are no toys there to play with. They bring their things to my place, and my daughter e-mails me all the time. My son and daughter are not brought by anymore by mom. The kids say is very strict too.
I guess they are adjusting to the situation. I have my fine court hearing next week, and I will be divorced. That is sure not what I wanted when I came here. I could have done better, but I am managing my life now.
I hope "newbies" learn from my mistakes.
IDU,
I feel the same way about my kids, and it is good place to focus on through out these difficult situations.
Job is going okay. Life is okay, and I chose not to date while I did feel a connection with this young lady recently, but I am still technically married, and I will keep my committment to the end of this whole mess. I will have to deal with her while the kids are growing up, so I have to be somewhat positive.
I am rambling, but I do want to keep in touch from time to time.
Take care of yourself.
Glad to hear from you.
LSG -
Glad to hear you are doing well. I hope your job and life are more than "okay". I know that it takes time to heal all of the wounds from this mess. I know things will be better for all of us than just "okay", eventually.
I understand your committment to your M vows. At least you know, after the D is final, that you do have some options out there. You are an intelligent, interesting guy and have much to offer the right young lady.
Love those kids with all of your heart and be the rock that they need you to be as this transition continues for them. We mourn the loss of their innocence and the fact that we "failed" to protect them. At least, that's how I feel. But, it wasn't your choice to tear the family apart. Talk to them and listen to them. Be honest and truthful with them. Most of all, love them and hold them. Show them what it means to grow into a loving, responsible adult who has healthy boundaries and one who stands tall and meets life's challenges head on and does the best that he can with honor and dignity.
Take care, LSG. And please, keep in touch!
Good to see all the old folks on here again. I was an unsuccessful DBer too and my final court date is last week in Feb. Not where I wanted to be either.
Hi Chuck,
It is final since February 9, 2011, and I am a divorced guy.
I really do not even want anything to do with the ex. It is very different when all I wanted to was save my marriage.
I still have long way to go in my life, but I have made some small steps forward.
I am doing taxes with her today. Fun, fun, fun!
The affair is still going on, and he is still married.
I think she has more problems to come than me. I am at least let time heal my heart, soul, mind, and body from this experience.
I have learned alot here.
I know in situations like affairs, and WAWs it is best to think with your mind and trust the people here on this forum.
I would not have done the emotional things to keep my marriage because I think back to it only making me look like a loser to her. I probably pushed any chance to save my marriage, and I have to live with the dishonor of that. It is not worth it in the end.
The marriage will end or not, but it is how you deal with the situation that will make you feel good about yourself either way.
I don't know if this makes sense, but I hope it helps. It is very hard to keep the emotions from entering the picture, but if you can do it, it sure will help to save the marriage, or survive the divorce with a happier, healthier you.
I hope this helps someone here. Maybe other members can explain what I am trying to say better than I have written it here.
I do have hope for my future, and I think that the Ex-wife has a long way to go in helping herself. She is still having an affair with a married man. I am glad to be me, and I would not want to be her right now.
Keep the hope and faith that you will all be okay no matter what.
LSG
...The marriage will end or not, but it is how you deal with the situation that will make you feel good about yourself either way.
...I am glad to be me, and I would not want to be her right now.
...Keep the hope and faith that you will all be okay no matter what.
LSG
LSG,
Thank you and bless you for sharing those powerful words.
I feel uplifted just by reading them.
Best of luck in your new role as a single dad, LSG.
My divorce was final April 16. Other than speaking about the kids I don't want anything to do with my Ex either. And had to do the tax thing with her too. I also think she has more issues than a marriage to get through. Best of luck.