H is Depressed and in a MLC - 01/06/10 04:31 PM
Hi!
I am so glad to have found this forum and another one like it. I had no idea what was going on until recently and these posts are helping me see that I am not insane. A little over a year ago my husband began crying all the time and complaining about his looks, his job, his parents but always said he loved me. Then he began going to our basement more and more. He would go there to chew tobacco and play xbox. He started spending more and more time down there to the point that he only came to bed right before I woke up so I would think he had been in bed all night. I spied on him a couple of times while he was down there and he was always doing just what I had said. He was not on the phone or on the computer. Just xbox and chew.
His behavior was causing huge fights between us until finally he moved out. That was six months ago and since that time life has been pure hell. He hardly took anything when he left and has not taken anything since. He has nothing to do with his old friends or any of the things he used to love. He is still doing what he always did which is work all the time (he has a very high powered and stressful job) and plays xbox. When he does go out it is with these young partiers (my husband is 44).
When he first left he treated me like I was his arch enemy until I finally told him I would not take another day of it. The only time I see him is when he comes to pick up my D11 and many times he will linger and I know it is to be around me. I feel like he wants to be near me but is almost trying to fight off that desire. Recently there are times when he is affectionate but still will not go on a date or call to check on me.
He filed but only because he thought I was going to and he because he said "I wasn't taking this serious enough"??? I have lost twenty poinds!! I am not sure he wants to be divorced. One day he said, "how can I begin to work on us when I am so messed up". I have noticed that if I even mention the relationship he goes for the door. Everything has to stay light and pleasant. But it kills me when he is affectionate then goes and does "whatever" with no responsibility for anything in our lives. I know he is hiding money (not alot but enough to go out and do things and not be accountable) which also bugs me but God forbid if I bring it up. Oh and did I mention the new Porsche he purchased!!!
How long do you hang on? My husband was there for me several years ago when i was going through a tough time in my life and I used to always tell him how much it means to me. He would tell me that one day he will go through something and he knows I would be there for him. Is this it? My friends and family want him away from me so I can move on with my life. They think I should proceed with the divorce and forget him. I still love him but I am not sure I can take much more!
There have been times when I have backed way off and I have gotten two reactions from him, he either backs off too or comes forward a little. When I have tried to come forward a little he seems to too but then I feel used!! So is it possible to detach and go dark while still being loving??? Since he said he never felt loved or accepted by me then going dark seems like a mistake. I also don't think he wants to lose me so maybe finally not having me around will make him think!
Please, Please help me. I am confused, tired and need someone to talk to me that understands!!
I am so glad to have found this forum and another one like it. I had no idea what was going on until recently and these posts are helping me see that I am not insane. A little over a year ago my husband began crying all the time and complaining about his looks, his job, his parents but always said he loved me. Then he began going to our basement more and more. He would go there to chew tobacco and play xbox. He started spending more and more time down there to the point that he only came to bed right before I woke up so I would think he had been in bed all night. I spied on him a couple of times while he was down there and he was always doing just what I had said. He was not on the phone or on the computer. Just xbox and chew.
His behavior was causing huge fights between us until finally he moved out. That was six months ago and since that time life has been pure hell. He hardly took anything when he left and has not taken anything since. He has nothing to do with his old friends or any of the things he used to love. He is still doing what he always did which is work all the time (he has a very high powered and stressful job) and plays xbox. When he does go out it is with these young partiers (my husband is 44).
When he first left he treated me like I was his arch enemy until I finally told him I would not take another day of it. The only time I see him is when he comes to pick up my D11 and many times he will linger and I know it is to be around me. I feel like he wants to be near me but is almost trying to fight off that desire. Recently there are times when he is affectionate but still will not go on a date or call to check on me.
He filed but only because he thought I was going to and he because he said "I wasn't taking this serious enough"??? I have lost twenty poinds!! I am not sure he wants to be divorced. One day he said, "how can I begin to work on us when I am so messed up". I have noticed that if I even mention the relationship he goes for the door. Everything has to stay light and pleasant. But it kills me when he is affectionate then goes and does "whatever" with no responsibility for anything in our lives. I know he is hiding money (not alot but enough to go out and do things and not be accountable) which also bugs me but God forbid if I bring it up. Oh and did I mention the new Porsche he purchased!!!
How long do you hang on? My husband was there for me several years ago when i was going through a tough time in my life and I used to always tell him how much it means to me. He would tell me that one day he will go through something and he knows I would be there for him. Is this it? My friends and family want him away from me so I can move on with my life. They think I should proceed with the divorce and forget him. I still love him but I am not sure I can take much more!
There have been times when I have backed way off and I have gotten two reactions from him, he either backs off too or comes forward a little. When I have tried to come forward a little he seems to too but then I feel used!! So is it possible to detach and go dark while still being loving??? Since he said he never felt loved or accepted by me then going dark seems like a mistake. I also don't think he wants to lose me so maybe finally not having me around will make him think!
Please, Please help me. I am confused, tired and need someone to talk to me that understands!!