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Posted By: Drmberk Infidelity and Loss - 12/06/14 12:28 AM
Unfortunately, my situation is different than those of other spurned spouses here. It is unbelievable that my husband could be so cruel. I have had two phone calls and
trying to do a 180, but he is acting out so badly that I am helpless to think what to do. This is our 29th year of marriage.
We lost our son, age 22, on May 30th. He was my only son, but my husband has a son from another marriage. Since that time he has married (a wonderful woman) and they have just had two twin girls.
I do not have any family. No one was available after I lost Justin and our community of friends did not call. So we were both isolated and alone -- a terrible thing.
As you can imagine, I am devastated and will have to live with this for the rest of my life. My husband has avoided mourning. He will not work with me on pictures or scrapbooks, and now he does not even want to talk about our son -- who was a very special young man. Unfortunately, my husband did not try to understand him or help him when he asked for help.
In the beginning, he would leave when I was crying saying he would go crazy if he stayed. He began therapy, and everything became worse. He started making unilateral decisions (which is more of the same for him) he lies and hides things. He bought a Volvo and got rid of our beautiful subaru LLBean Edition station wagon -- the only car J was every in. He has done many spiteful things. He threw out the porch chair our son loved to sit in for hours and read and and chat and listen to music.
He has always been sneaky and loyal to his secretaries over me, making me the bad person. This should not have happened again, but because I can not work in our clinic, he is the only one there. He is very naive and women easily manipulate him. All his patients love him and give his support so he thinks he has it together.
He thought I should have gone back to work after the first year.
He will not go to grief counseling with me. His therapist would not believe me when I tried to tell her that my husband can be verbally abusive and becomes is a rageaholic.
Then, little did I know -- though my friends suspected -- he began an affair around later spring this year. It has gotten to the point when he does not even come home. And i should not be left alone overnight because I can become suicidal.
He changes into this other nasty person.
Last weekend we visit the grandchildren (when we married my stepson was 5).
It was very sweet and we were closed comfortable with each other. Otherwise I see him about ten minutes every night. He is back sleeping in bed with me but will not touch me or have sex.
I did not find out about the affair until a few months ago, so I could not intervene early on.
He gives no thought to me. She obviously manipulates him and demands he stay over when he promised he would come home. I told him i do not care how late.
So he stopped staying over. Then Thursday, his last day of work, he informed me he will not go to the movies with me as he promised. I have this recorded in my phone. He was friendly, caring and normal and then the next thing I know i get a long email with something about no movie, etc. He has four nights off and can not spend one night with me.
Whenever she gets involved he just turns on me.
He also said that we would do whatever I wanted on Christmas. Then he lied and said he only had Christmas Day and Friday off. He hit me he was saving the next week for her. I told him I wanted to go away for a week to an all inclusive place so we can get away and relax. I need to get away. We hardly ever travelled because he kept making decisions that prevented us from increasing economically. We should have been able to do trips years ago. And he could have taken me away during those horrid first two years. I mostly stayed in bed. He went off with a "friend" and did things up in Boston.
So now he has this person who obviously has him by the balls.

I have no idea how to do a 180. Wherever he gets sex that's where he will be giving. Though he has always given crumbs. I have realized so much. Before i lost my son I spend some time out of the house, waiting a a friend's loft but would come home weekends. It was just cross town. Partly it seems like he is just trying to get back at me. But he never tells me if he is hurt, or misses me or anything. He is very high functioning Asperger's.
He will not even become education about the effects on a mother when she loses an only child so he is angry about "bad" choices I made during that period.
I tried to tell his therapist that he was being verbally abusive.

But the worst part is that if we divorce -- I lose the grandchildren -- the only ones I will ever have. i really have 0 family. Now he is threatening to take Christmas away and go off with her for a week. Help.
Posted By: Cadet Re: Infidelity and Loss - 12/07/14 12:11 PM
Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what he says and half of what he does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your H is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
Posted By: Sotto Re: Infidelity and Loss - 12/07/14 03:47 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss and for the current situation with your H. It sounds as though he is unable to face either your grief or his own at the moment.....he is using an affair as a means to avoid having to do this.

I can completely understand your anger. He isn't there for you at this point in time, so you need to be there for yourself and look after you as best you can during this difficult time. Know that things ultimately will improve and that you will find happiness again after this great pain. This is within your gift whatever your H or anyone else may do....but it isn't an easy path you are on. We all understand here.

Things sound very uncertain at the moment, and please try not to worry about the longer term at this point in time. Just focus on getting through today and this week etc.

It may not be that you lose your grandchildren as you fear. Your SS and his W may well be keen to stay in touch, and you could let them know that you would like to do this.

Are you seeing a grief counsellor yourself? It may well help if you haven't accessed this support yet. How are you eating and sleeping? Have you seen your doctor for support?

Please post here and rant as much as you want, and know that people here will listen and support.

My sincere condolences and best wishes to you....Toots :-)
Posted By: Drmberk Re: Infidelity and Loss - 12/12/14 10:03 PM
I am there for myself. Of course I have had loss counseling, counseling, speaking with a therapist. I have friends I do things with, I go to yoga 3X per week.

The problem is that nobody is hugging me, caressing me while he goes off and gets it from somebody else and she gets the goodies.

He's escalating and sleeping overnight.

That you for your condolence

mb.
Posted By: sandi2 Re: Infidelity and Loss - 12/14/14 10:22 PM
Quote:
Since that time he has married (a wonderful woman) and they have just had two twin girls.


I am confused. Who are you talking about here? Are you in a polygamous MR?

Posted By: twinmom Re: Infidelity and Loss - 12/15/14 03:18 AM
Sandi I believe she is talking about her step son
Posted By: Drmberk Re: Infidelity and Loss - 12/15/14 02:46 PM
Now I am learning more and that this has been going on since last winter. I don;t think sex was until spring. it is like he is leading a double like. When i mentioned it he said "yes",like no big deal. She's enfold hm i her life and community (and he did go to daughter's wedding so now he knows the whole family)

He's sneaking off again so I can't make plans, which I asked to do. So he tries to be there early afternoon until bedtime (which is really 9) which can be 10 on....
Posted By: Drmberk Re: Infidelity and Loss - 12/15/14 02:54 PM
my husband
Posted By: Drmberk Re: Infidelity and Loss - 12/15/14 03:02 PM

my husband
Now I am learning more and that this has been going on since last winter. I don;t think sex was until spring. it is like he is leading a double like. When i mentioned it he said "yes",like no big deal. She's enfold hm i her life and community (and he did go to daughter's wedding so now he knows the whole family)

He's sneaking off again so I can't make plans, which I asked to do. So he tries to be there early afternoon until bedtime (which is really 9) which can be 10 on....
Posted By: twinmom Re: Infidelity and Loss - 12/15/14 04:05 PM
You stated in your first post that your husband thought you should have gone back to work after the first year.......

Did you mean a year after your son was born or a year after he died?

It may actually be REALLY good for you to go back to work and make new friends/put your mind on something else.
Posted By: theoden Re: Infidelity and Loss - 12/26/14 03:07 PM
Drmberk,

I'm sorry you are here and I'm sorry for your loss. This is absolutely horrible.

Your husband has declared war on you and is treating you like crap.

1. Stop begging, pleading and asking him for things or time together. It's desperate and unattractive.

2. Practice the Last Resort Technique NOW.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/blog/how-to-prevent-a-divorce-the-last-resort-technique/

This technique will help you get some distance and regain your self-respect. It will also show your husband that you are capable of moving on and that he can't treat you like dirt without some consequence. He needs to realize what losing you will feel like.

3. If you are able, go back to work. Start living your own life on your own terms. This will make you strong and more independent. You can't lean on and expect your cheating husband or his family to be there for you. If you get a divorce, you will probably still have a friendship with your stepson and his children. Prepare your exit strategy from the marriage so that YOU end up OK. These preparations will make you less afraid and desperate and may re-attract your husband. People are attracted to strength and resolve.

4. See a divorce attorney right away. You do not need to file, but you need to get information and peace of mind. Know your rights. Ask your lawyer what you should document, etc.

5. Get angry. Even for just moment. This may provide you the strength to act in you own best interests. You do not deserve to be treated this way. You lose your son, you experience immense grief, and HE responds by screwing someone else? Really?

6. Your fear of losing your grandchildren is not necessarily valid. You may maintain a great relationship with them regardless of what happens.

7. People will treat you badly if you allow them to. Start thinking through some healthy boundaries. For example: he can't talk to her on the phone in front of you, he sleeps on the couch/guest room if he's at home, if he decides to come home after a certain time you will lock the doors, take half the money in your joint bank accounts and set up your own account, perhaps he should move out. Y

ou can't really "nice" your husband back into your marriage. You need to show some resolve, be less available, lay down healthy boundaries. Some people would say you need to always look happy and be attractive, etc. That works sometimes, but often looks a little desperate. If you genuinely want to go out and have fun and live an interesting life, your husband will notice, but don't do it just as a tool to get his attention.

At some point you may want to lay down an ultimatum to your husband: it's her or you. If he picks her, then you file for divorce. (This the last and final stage of your strategy if nothing else works.)

Best of luck.

Theoden








Posted By: HeavyD Re: Infidelity and Loss - 12/26/14 04:54 PM
I am so sorry for your losses. I hope you have therapist and perhaps a psychiatrist to help you during your season of loss. Some medication may be in order to help you rise above your understandable feelings of sadness and depression.

It is an awful feeling to realize how isolated we are when our spouses leave us. I am in the same situation only with two little children. I shave to force myself out of bed each day, find something anything to do to stay out of bed and cry.

I have vowed to redouble my efforts at work when I return. I have been every unfocused lately and that has to stop. It will do good to focus on something other than my situation.

Can you focus on something? Church activities, school volunteering, hospital volunteering? Do you work outside of the home? Try to find something to keep you mind from going to dark places.

We will get past this - I will hold your hand if you hold mine.

Naj
Posted By: Drmberk Re: Infidelity and Loss - 01/02/15 01:08 AM
After the loss of an only son -- one is not ready to return to work. Since I am a pscychologist -- I will never be able to return to my work.
but thank you for your response
Posted By: twinmom Re: Infidelity and Loss - 01/02/15 05:04 AM
I suggest you find a volunteer job and throw yourself into it 110%. You need something besides the loss of your son and the loss of your husband to focus on.
Posted By: Sotto Re: Infidelity and Loss - 01/02/15 08:08 AM
I would second that suggestion. I started volunteering in our local charity bookstore this summer - just doing a morning a week. It has done me a lot of good, and I now do a couple of shifts a week. It's a good way to meet people - both customers - and volunteers, without the pressure of paid work.
Posted By: Cadet Re: Infidelity and Loss - 01/10/15 01:14 PM
Originally Posted By: Drmberk
I have lost my only son and my only sister three years ago. I am completely alone-- no other family. And friends, rather than gather around you, stay away with this much tragedy.

We are still living together but he started an affair so he goes there much of the time. We were making plans and enjoying doing some things together. Now he has nixed plans and. is rarely here, how can I do a 180 under these conditions. When we saw each other more,it was very pleasant. But I had the ability to use some skills I am learning since he was in contact. He never calls. I only get short texts.

I have my own life. I write Children's books and I am begining to have some success. The book is out and I am getting excellent turn downs. Editors saying they regret they cannot take my book because they already have a 3 book dealing with middle grade books with animals. I am writing the second book -- trying to. It is laborious. I am looking for a writing group. But, that is not a family.


From thread in newcomers
Posted By: twinmom Re: Infidelity and Loss - 01/10/15 03:07 PM
Is this person real?
Posted By: BFloat Re: Infidelity and Loss - 01/12/15 03:55 AM
I am so very sorry for you loss. The death of a child is undeniably painful and too often it can push couples apart.

I don't necessarily agree that your husband has declared war on you. I'm not sure of the back story and how your marriage was prior to this tragedy...

I'm reading that you feel that your husband is being spiteful because he threw away a chair that your son sat on... The day after my gf lost her daughter, she packed up everything and either threw it in the trash or gave it away. She only kept a handful of things. And I will tell you, I only saw her cry once. This was not a person who didn't love her daughter. But the reminder and seeing everything I think was too painful.

I can only imagine how difficult the prospect of going back to work might seem. And you say that being a psychologist you can not go back. But that is not always the case. People have had tragedies and have turned around and used their experiences to help others. Now, I'm not saying that you should be back at work because you have indicated you aren't ready. My question becomes,, when will you be ready?

I'm glad you're going to grief counselling and seeing the individual counsellors. It would probably be beneficial for your H to go as well but, it is not something you can force him to do.. Just like his thinking that you should be back at work.

My concern is that you say H doesn't come home and you shouldn't be left alone because you can be suicidal. If you recognize this in yourself, then you need to seek further support for intervention. ASAP.

What I see is that you are in an extended state of mourning. You are not functioning because you are unable to work and have isolated yourself. You seeing your SS and grandkids should not be dependent on H. I feel the dynamics you have set up is of being the victim and H must save you. As well, there is a small hint that you feel H should have helped your S but didn't.

I am not trying to make you the villain. Absolutely not. My heart breaks for you and I am so very saddened even imagining how you must feel. But I say this with as much love as I can give you here... To tell you that you need to pick yourself up.. Find your way out of that hole.. And save yourself. You can not wait for H to do it, because he seems to also be grieving (denial) that seeing you may make his coping even worse.

Friends sometimes stay away because they simply don't know what to say. Maybe take the first step and just ask one out for coffee.. Or maybe a movie where you don't even need to talk.

Take care of yourself.
Posted By: Sotto Re: Infidelity and Loss - 01/12/15 08:18 AM
Just another thought from me. Does your local church or other organisation have any sort of grief support group? It could be a way of meeting others and sharing in a supportive environment. It also gets you away from the house and provides a little structure.

We lost my brother to suicide over 20 years ago, and my parents found some solace in an organisation for parents who had lost children...I can't recall what they were called, and I think they were UK based anyway - but they used to have a yearly conference and things, and members seemes to have established great bonds in their grief.

I think that's a really helpful post from Barely Floating. I don't think your H has much to offer you right now - through his own grief - you need to stop looking to him for now and build your own support networks. You are directing much anger at him, and (whilst I can understand that) I think you need to try and refocus on you.

It must be an awful, awful time for you, and I'm so sorry. It will take time, but things will slowly get better. The main thing is not to despair, and to keep that little kernel of hope - just the size of a sweetcorn kernel right in the bottom of your tummy. That is always there and can take you forwards, one day at a time.
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