Infidelity and Loss - 12/06/14 12:28 AM
Unfortunately, my situation is different than those of other spurned spouses here. It is unbelievable that my husband could be so cruel. I have had two phone calls and
trying to do a 180, but he is acting out so badly that I am helpless to think what to do. This is our 29th year of marriage.
We lost our son, age 22, on May 30th. He was my only son, but my husband has a son from another marriage. Since that time he has married (a wonderful woman) and they have just had two twin girls.
I do not have any family. No one was available after I lost Justin and our community of friends did not call. So we were both isolated and alone -- a terrible thing.
As you can imagine, I am devastated and will have to live with this for the rest of my life. My husband has avoided mourning. He will not work with me on pictures or scrapbooks, and now he does not even want to talk about our son -- who was a very special young man. Unfortunately, my husband did not try to understand him or help him when he asked for help.
In the beginning, he would leave when I was crying saying he would go crazy if he stayed. He began therapy, and everything became worse. He started making unilateral decisions (which is more of the same for him) he lies and hides things. He bought a Volvo and got rid of our beautiful subaru LLBean Edition station wagon -- the only car J was every in. He has done many spiteful things. He threw out the porch chair our son loved to sit in for hours and read and and chat and listen to music.
He has always been sneaky and loyal to his secretaries over me, making me the bad person. This should not have happened again, but because I can not work in our clinic, he is the only one there. He is very naive and women easily manipulate him. All his patients love him and give his support so he thinks he has it together.
He thought I should have gone back to work after the first year.
He will not go to grief counseling with me. His therapist would not believe me when I tried to tell her that my husband can be verbally abusive and becomes is a rageaholic.
Then, little did I know -- though my friends suspected -- he began an affair around later spring this year. It has gotten to the point when he does not even come home. And i should not be left alone overnight because I can become suicidal.
He changes into this other nasty person.
Last weekend we visit the grandchildren (when we married my stepson was 5).
It was very sweet and we were closed comfortable with each other. Otherwise I see him about ten minutes every night. He is back sleeping in bed with me but will not touch me or have sex.
I did not find out about the affair until a few months ago, so I could not intervene early on.
He gives no thought to me. She obviously manipulates him and demands he stay over when he promised he would come home. I told him i do not care how late.
So he stopped staying over. Then Thursday, his last day of work, he informed me he will not go to the movies with me as he promised. I have this recorded in my phone. He was friendly, caring and normal and then the next thing I know i get a long email with something about no movie, etc. He has four nights off and can not spend one night with me.
Whenever she gets involved he just turns on me.
He also said that we would do whatever I wanted on Christmas. Then he lied and said he only had Christmas Day and Friday off. He hit me he was saving the next week for her. I told him I wanted to go away for a week to an all inclusive place so we can get away and relax. I need to get away. We hardly ever travelled because he kept making decisions that prevented us from increasing economically. We should have been able to do trips years ago. And he could have taken me away during those horrid first two years. I mostly stayed in bed. He went off with a "friend" and did things up in Boston.
So now he has this person who obviously has him by the balls.
I have no idea how to do a 180. Wherever he gets sex that's where he will be giving. Though he has always given crumbs. I have realized so much. Before i lost my son I spend some time out of the house, waiting a a friend's loft but would come home weekends. It was just cross town. Partly it seems like he is just trying to get back at me. But he never tells me if he is hurt, or misses me or anything. He is very high functioning Asperger's.
He will not even become education about the effects on a mother when she loses an only child so he is angry about "bad" choices I made during that period.
I tried to tell his therapist that he was being verbally abusive.
But the worst part is that if we divorce -- I lose the grandchildren -- the only ones I will ever have. i really have 0 family. Now he is threatening to take Christmas away and go off with her for a week. Help.
trying to do a 180, but he is acting out so badly that I am helpless to think what to do. This is our 29th year of marriage.
We lost our son, age 22, on May 30th. He was my only son, but my husband has a son from another marriage. Since that time he has married (a wonderful woman) and they have just had two twin girls.
I do not have any family. No one was available after I lost Justin and our community of friends did not call. So we were both isolated and alone -- a terrible thing.
As you can imagine, I am devastated and will have to live with this for the rest of my life. My husband has avoided mourning. He will not work with me on pictures or scrapbooks, and now he does not even want to talk about our son -- who was a very special young man. Unfortunately, my husband did not try to understand him or help him when he asked for help.
In the beginning, he would leave when I was crying saying he would go crazy if he stayed. He began therapy, and everything became worse. He started making unilateral decisions (which is more of the same for him) he lies and hides things. He bought a Volvo and got rid of our beautiful subaru LLBean Edition station wagon -- the only car J was every in. He has done many spiteful things. He threw out the porch chair our son loved to sit in for hours and read and and chat and listen to music.
He has always been sneaky and loyal to his secretaries over me, making me the bad person. This should not have happened again, but because I can not work in our clinic, he is the only one there. He is very naive and women easily manipulate him. All his patients love him and give his support so he thinks he has it together.
He thought I should have gone back to work after the first year.
He will not go to grief counseling with me. His therapist would not believe me when I tried to tell her that my husband can be verbally abusive and becomes is a rageaholic.
Then, little did I know -- though my friends suspected -- he began an affair around later spring this year. It has gotten to the point when he does not even come home. And i should not be left alone overnight because I can become suicidal.
He changes into this other nasty person.
Last weekend we visit the grandchildren (when we married my stepson was 5).
It was very sweet and we were closed comfortable with each other. Otherwise I see him about ten minutes every night. He is back sleeping in bed with me but will not touch me or have sex.
I did not find out about the affair until a few months ago, so I could not intervene early on.
He gives no thought to me. She obviously manipulates him and demands he stay over when he promised he would come home. I told him i do not care how late.
So he stopped staying over. Then Thursday, his last day of work, he informed me he will not go to the movies with me as he promised. I have this recorded in my phone. He was friendly, caring and normal and then the next thing I know i get a long email with something about no movie, etc. He has four nights off and can not spend one night with me.
Whenever she gets involved he just turns on me.
He also said that we would do whatever I wanted on Christmas. Then he lied and said he only had Christmas Day and Friday off. He hit me he was saving the next week for her. I told him I wanted to go away for a week to an all inclusive place so we can get away and relax. I need to get away. We hardly ever travelled because he kept making decisions that prevented us from increasing economically. We should have been able to do trips years ago. And he could have taken me away during those horrid first two years. I mostly stayed in bed. He went off with a "friend" and did things up in Boston.
So now he has this person who obviously has him by the balls.
I have no idea how to do a 180. Wherever he gets sex that's where he will be giving. Though he has always given crumbs. I have realized so much. Before i lost my son I spend some time out of the house, waiting a a friend's loft but would come home weekends. It was just cross town. Partly it seems like he is just trying to get back at me. But he never tells me if he is hurt, or misses me or anything. He is very high functioning Asperger's.
He will not even become education about the effects on a mother when she loses an only child so he is angry about "bad" choices I made during that period.
I tried to tell his therapist that he was being verbally abusive.
But the worst part is that if we divorce -- I lose the grandchildren -- the only ones I will ever have. i really have 0 family. Now he is threatening to take Christmas away and go off with her for a week. Help.