H is out of the house - DivorceBusting.com

It wasn't pretty, I am super emotional right now but he is gone. I made him leave....

You will feel better, once the initial stress dies down.

Did you want to talk about it?

It's been complicated the past few weeks.... he has been telling me he isn't over her but doesn't text her anymore. We were at his cousins grad party and the twins were playing with H's phone. He went to change S2 and I decided to snoop. Haven't done this is almost 2 months. He had texts to her with live you x you're beautiful, links to you tube songs....etc.... I calmly walked out to the car where he was and told him to give me the keys or take me home. I let out alot of feelings on the way home. H said he was scared of the work it would take to repair what he had done. He said I was stronger than him to have changed for the better.

I told him to get out. That he had 10 minutes or I was calling the police. I have no legal standing as of this moment but we live in a city where my uncle and cousin are both police officers, my mom dated a police officer here and I know a lot of them so I reminded H of this and reminded him my uncle and cousin know what H has done to me so push me and I will call the police and they willmake him leave.

H wanted me to yell at him more and "get it all out so I feel better and won't have to call him later to do it" I told him calmly to just get out I will see him in court and I won't be calling him later.

well done, was ow texting back?

Was it reciprocated? Or was he doing the chasing something he cannot have?

That was awesome. Truly it was.

Hands Tm, a who packet of choccy frogs! White ones, brown ones, gooey Carmel ones.

Ow wasn't responding to much.... he asked her if she worked today and she said no but that was it.... she wants nothing to do with him.

Wow, way to go. That must have taken nerves of steel.

And hugs to you too, because it must hurt.

Honey, I'm sorry. I know how crummy it is to read the evidence of the affair.

And unfortunately you were in an untenable situation, with him living there but not working on the relationship. As we've discussed before, he's a serial adulterer doing nothing to fix himself. He's not likely to do the work until the reality of the consequences of his actions is slapping him in the face.

Now rally any help you can find to help with the kids. Keep the focus on the kids, and doing the work you need to do to figure out why you picked a guy like this. It may be a struggle, but life will get better once you own your own life.

He may not wake up, tho he hasn't learnt from any time he's cheated.

To him the value of a new r versus an old one, is a no brainer he seems to like new and shiney.

You might be right, I don't know.
Yesterday morning he sent a good morning text and an hour later a text telling me the county fair ended yesterday (I had wanted to take the kids) then at 11pm he sent a text saying his parents neighbors have been blasting music all day and no sign of stopping.

I didn't respond to any of the texts.

This morning at 7am he sent a text asking how I was feeling as he saw on fb that I had a migraine last night.
I have not responded and don't plan to.

Just an interesting observation, when he was living with OW he would text about the kids and sometimes some random coupon topic or something. So far he has not asked about the kids at all and I never got a good morning text while he was living with OW.... Not reading into this, just more documenting/journaling than anything else.

I'm so sorry. It is just so hard with the serial cheaters (like my own STBX). You hold out hope in the deep recesses of your heart. You want that light bulb to turn on. You want the words to be true.

But then, they aren't.

I'm so sorry.

Icedtea, do you have your own story? Sounds like you could use the guidance.

H sent a text saying "I am sorry for being a bad husband and hurting you, how are the twins and Lilly?"

I don't think this deserves a response.

When do you think I should contact H and set up a time for him to see the kids? Wait for him to ask or tell him "on Tuesday from 6 til 9 you are welcome to come see the kids"

I don't plan on being here, I will have my mom here for 15 min before H gets here and won't come home till he leaves (my mom will come back over)

My plan is to go 100% dark in regards to seeing H and 99% in contacting/responding to him.

"H sent a text saying "I am sorry for being a bad husband and hurting you, how are the twins and Lilly?"

I don't think this deserves a response."

It doesn't.

"When do you think I should contact H and set up a time for him to see the kids? Wait for him to ask or tell him "on Tuesday from 6 til 9 you are welcome to come see the kids"

Don't go out of your way to accommodate him or make him see the kids. Leave that up to him. He has to earn the trust back with you.

Originally Posted By: MrBond

Icedtea, do you have your own story? Sounds like you could use the guidance.

Thanks! I finally posted my details on here. Just so much to put down and so upsetting to memorialize

The older boys wanted to go see teenage mutant turtles... I just don't have the patience or energy to take them all. Yesterday I took everyone to cheesecake factory and then shopping at the mall at that was just exhausting.

I sent H a text saying he can see the twins and Lilly tomorrow evening from 5:30 till 8:30pm (the movie starts at 6) he never responded to me.

He did text me asking if Lilly's birth certificate came in the mail today because he needs to fax to insurance company.

I didn't respond to that (it didn't come)

I am lonely, tired, and all out of patience with the kids. No I don't have anyone I can call and get a break.
I didn't realize how nice it was to have another adult here in the evening again. Even if it was just for a little conversation and help with the kids.

This just TOTALLY stinks and I am trying really really really hard not to text or call H. I miss him, I realized I am not even close to being detached at all.

How could you possibly have been detached after the last two months? You'd have to be inhuman.

Are you sure there's NOBODY you could call? Not even a neighbor to come have a drink of something? Not somebody to do stuff for you, but somebody just to add adult conversation to your day?

It's no wonder you don't have patience for the kids, so do the best you can and try not to beat yourself up about it. But I hope you can find some support.

Sending you warm thoughts...

Yes, you do have someone you can call and get a break. Your H can take his kids for regular visitation. Start setting that up. Make him step up to the plate with a regular schedule.

I know you still have your older kids, but do they have regular visitation with THEIR father? If so, set up visitation at the same time so you get a real break.

Kml my ex-husband and I have 50/50 custody, the older boys spend Thursday Friday Saturday and half of Sunday with their dad. The problem is H went to his parents house, his mom has an issue with hoarding and they have w2 dogs that are not kid friendly. I have actually never been inside his parents house.

He has no where to "take" them so visitation has to be at my house which right now I don't want to see H at all so I have to leave. I am tempted to just drive to the park and sleep in my van while H is with the kids.

My 8yr old was upset last night so I let him call H. I never got on the phone or was even in the same room.

Last night H sent a text asking about flex spending account, I replied sometime in the night when I was up feeding Lilly. He texted this morning "good morning, there is over $700 in flex spending please pay medical bills for Lilly" I didn't respond.

This afternoon he sent another text asking if he could buy school supplies from me to donate. I didn't respond. I will just leave what I am willing to donate in a bag on the table tonight when I leave.

I posted pic of D2 hair on fb (she let me braid it for the first time) and just a random pic of S2 smiling. H sent a text saying that the pics were great and they were the cutest 2yr olds ever. Again I didn't respond.

I went back and looked through my texts from when he was living with OW, he never started the day with "good morning" he would just say whatever he wanted to communicate. He also never commented on fb pics of the kids. (Just journaling this as it is a change in H's behavior, it does NOT change anything for me)

Well, if he is not paying rent, can he give you $ to hire a sitter once in a while? Do the kids go to school or daycare at all? Can he take the kids and baby out somewhere for a few hours while the older ones are with their dad? A nursing mom in a healthy M needs plenty of rest, much less a mom with 5 young kids in your sitch. Oy.

My mom came over and stayed with the twins and the baby until H got here so I could take the boys to see the movie and not have to see H. My cousin was supposed to come over at 9 so H could leave and I wouldn't have to see him. She got stuck at work so I had to see H tonight :-(

(Movie was AWESOME by the way, the boys and I loved it)

H put the twins to bed and the boys went upstairs. I asked H when he wanted to see the kids again, I told him that I wouldn't be able to leave every time as I am VERY tired doing this by myself and needed him to take the kids so I could sleep.
He said he was sorry for everything, he doesn't deserve me and that he wanted to fight for us. He said he was scared at how much work out would be and that is why he cheated. He said the kids and I deserve a happy life. He said he wanted "us"
I said "it's a lot to think about and things aren't that simple anymore" (thanks Starsky for that line)

H said he understood and knew the pain was still fresh for me and that I needed time......

So advice PLEASE! Is this where I tell him my "conditions" such as IC for him, NC, transparency plan, my needs, etc? Or do I do nothing and stay dark? (I have not been replying to 99% of his texts, and there have been a lot)

H was very text happy today..... I ignored anything that wasn't about financial stuff.

H asked about "us" when we met for the baby's 2 month check up. I told him minimum 3 months of IC then I meet with his IC to discuss his progress and then I would consider MC.

i think they sound like great boundaries for ic/Mc twinmom, and how great is that he's willing to work on "us" with you, going dark has worked really well for by the sounds of it. You rock!

twin,

I'm not gonna lie: I think, to put it mildly, most of us here who have been following your sitch from day one have serious reservations about your H. I know you do, too.

But it's your life. Your family. And it seems your heart is still at least a little open to him.

Might I suggest, while you're making suggestions to H, that the FIRST step would be for H to write a no-contact letter to OW that YOU approve? Because last I checked, he was still texting her. Until he's ready to admit to HER - and to YOU - that he wants to repair his M ... and end all contact with her ... then him going to an IC is pretty much a waste of time.

I would also suggest IC for yourself....

I think working with a professional about yourself would be essential to a successful relationship...with you husband or ith someone else

Figgeroni I have been going to an ic since day one

awesome!!!

I haven't caught up entirely on your situation, twinmom, but looking at your signature always makes me chuckle a little because the OW kicking him out after 3 months just strikes me funny. I shouldn't be laughing at any part of your situation because all you're going through is not a joke.

I'm going to peruse your other posts to see if you explain why she kicked him out. I can't wait to read it. LOL. Hey, my D6 is at "her dad's house" so I need some form of entertainment. Hope you don't mind.

On a second note, your attitude has really been awesome.

Ss06..... the reason she kicked him out is soap opera funny! And go ahead and laugh, it's the only thing that keeps me functioning some days..

The whole thing is soap opera material, I should put a manuscript together and make some $$$$

I have lost some more weight :-) down to 152....... only 37 lbs to go! (I never lost all the weight from the twin pregnancy)

I have been running about every other day, and I am working up the courage to run my old "route" which goes directly past OW house..... I keep telling myself I won't let her control my life. I had even started grocery shopping in another town and if I had to run to the store quickly for something I would drive through the parking lot looking for her car before I went in to make sure I wouldn't run into her. I avoided taking the kids to any parks/local festivals/walks because we live so close (1/3 mile away on the same street)

I am taking back my life!

Do it!!!!!

Your courage and tenacity are inspiring twinmom. Seriously! Please let us know when you do run past OW's house. We'll all celebrate with you!

Can you direct me to the thread with the story of the OW kicking your H out? I'm dying to read it but I can't locate it... june... can't seem to find it.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2462283#Post2462283

Ss06 it should be somewhere in this thread...

TwinMom, you are possibly the bravest person I've ever read about on these forums.

I need to take back my life, too. I'm constantly avoiding situations where I know the OW is. I'm afraid to run into her, as if I was the person who did something wrong.

But you're right, we've got to take back our lives.

Yeah, me too except I was trying to avoid him and where he might be with her.

Seems she has been very close to under my nose, but I think h is using her to bait me.
He won't talk directly to me on any level, but try's to get others to do his dirty work.

Hence I try not to engage, nor acknowledge nor play the game he seems to want.

Ggrass, I would never want to see them together. That is more than I can handle. Right now I know they are not spending time together. I am just trying to take back my life and go the places I have gone for years without looking over my shoulder.

Last night H asked me to go to a festival at his old school (kindergarten through 8th grade) I said ok. He ran into a few people he knew and hadn't seen in a long time. He introduced me as his wife and it actually felt odd hearing that. Not sure how it made me feel but it definitely made me feel different than it used to.

Just kind of journaling my feelings... (but opinions are welcome anytime)

Originally Posted By: twinmom

Ggrass, I would never want to see them together. That is more than I can handle.

Snap on that too. I'm sure he is wanting that tho, hs version of revenge for neglecting him in the r.

Twinmom, curious why you went? Considering how hard you've been fighting, what was your thinking there?

Maybell I don't really know. I have asked myself that question a few times "why are you doing this to yourself?" Kinda thing....... and can't come up with an answer other than wanting to enjoy a nice summer evening eating bbq and watching the twins go on carnival rides and smile like crazy.

H tried to "linger" when he brought us home, he put the twins to bed and then just held the baby for a long time. I went to bed and when H was leaving he came into my room, said his bye and "I love you" to which I replied "don't dai that" and he left. I really don't want to hear "I love you" right now. It just doesn't feel right.

Well he started ic.... his first appointment was yesterday (he ended up seeing a therapist in the same office as mine)

H had a picture of the twins holding hands as his background for his phone. Every time he would pick up his phone and I would catch a glimpse of it my heart would drop into my stomach, the pic was taken at OW house ave you can see her kitchen in the background. I told H a while ago that I love the twins holding hands but that it makes me queasy to see her house. Well tonight when he came by to spend time with the kids I noticed the picture was changed.

H told me again how sorry he is for everything he has done, that he is ashamed of his actions and doesn't deserve me.

On another note, the American diabetes association walk is coming up in September so I have started my fundraising for this event which is giving me something to do. The older boys go back to school tomorrow and D2 is pretty much fully potty trained so next week I think I might want to work on the potty thing with S2.

I registered for the ADA walk, H asked me yesterday when he came over if I was doing the walk this year and I said yes. He then asked if he could join us (me and the kids)

I told him I don't know how I feel about that as there will be lots of people there from Walgreens and I was planning on avoiding the Walgreens tent/booth. I just don't want to put on a "happy family" show in front of his co-workers.

He told me he completely understands and if I decided it would be ok for him to join us he wouldn't "network" while we were there, it would just be the walk and that's it. I told him to let me think about it.

For the past few days I have been talking to H more, just listening to what he has to say and using the "that's a lot to think about or it's not really that simple anymore" lines. He is seeing his IC on a weekly basis and he wanted to talk with me about the goals they set but I said right now I don't want to know about that. I just want him to do what he needs to do to be a good father and a better person.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired! This no sleep thing is really crashing down on me hard. Thankful the boys went back to school yesterday but that means I have to have 5 kids up and out of the house by 7am..... ROUGH!

Court date coming up.... I don't know how I feel about this. H has said numerous times he doesn't want a divorce and doesn't want to go to court.... don't know if I should delay it again or go through as planned.

H just sent me a text asking if I have his wedding band......

Odd random question huh? I have to talk to him about next Friday/Saturday so I guess I will just wait and answer that question when I decide to call him later.

Wondering if H has read DB... (sarcasm)
Today he comes over to spend time with the kids, I went to take a hit bath and relax. He knocks on the door and asks if there is anything he can do around the house to help me out. He tells me "I know you won't believe anything I say so I want my actions to show you how sorry I am and that I will do whatever it takes to make you happy"

I just told him right now a hot bath and a nap are heaven on earth....... so I finished my bath, took a nap and now I am running errands while H gives the kids a bath and then puts them to bed.

Just kind of need to vent/whine....

I am tired, like "shouldn't operate heavy machinery" kind of tired....
I don't WANT to do this alone, I know I need to make H prove himself and work through his own issues but damn by the time he does that Lilly will be sleeping through the night.

And right now I am feeling a lot of resentment and anger. Anyone have advice on how to let this go as I know it's not productive in any way.

Michele has a really good article about forgiveness here. I find it helpful. You must really be so exhausted. I can't imagine having so many little kids running around and still having my sanity. My second (and last daughter) was incredibly colicky. I almost didn't survive it. The fact that you really are managing says much about you. I would let/make H help more. I know you want him to right his ship, but in the meantime, I would get all the help I could.

How does one find the forgiveness article?

twinmom,

I definitely do NOT have as many children as you do but when my daughter was born she was extremely difficult. Wouldn't sleep, was always cranky when she was awake, inconsolable, needed constant movement and was just HARD (she is 7 and often does not sleep through the night STILL). H escaped to work when she was 2 weeks old. I had PPD, was unable to breastfeed and was dealing with SEVERE sleep deprivation and he went MIA. He wasn't around during her hardest years and then criticized the way I handled the difficulty. He'd go to hotels to get good sleep because he "had to work" and I didn't get three consecutive hours of sleep for almost 3 years.

I'm STILL bitter. He honestly does not see why that hurts me so much.

It's hard but try not to keep score. I'd be more upset that he's missing out on some adorable and important times with her but that speaks more about him than anything else.

Doing what you're doing alone is HARD. Get help. Pay for it if you have to. You deserve a partner and physical support.

The "issue" is H WANTS to be here I am the one not allowing that and refusing to even see/talk to him most days.

Here is the Forgiveness article posted on this site --

Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself
By Michele Weiner-Davis

Are you someone who walks around feeling angry with your spouse or loved one much of the time? Do you have a little inner voice that constantly reminds you of all of his or her wrongdoings? Have you become expert at remembering all the minute details of past injustices just so that you can keep score? If this describes you at all, you better read what I'm about to say and take it to heart.

Lack of forgiveness imprisons you. It takes its toll on your physical and emotional health. It keeps you stuck in the deepest of relationship ruts. No matter how justified you feel about your point of view regarding your partner's insensitive behavior, you still are miserable. When you wake up each morning, a gray tint shadows your life. You walk around with a low-grade depression. You can't feel joy because you're too busy being angry or feeling disappointed.

In the face of these fairly obvious disadvantages, you hang on to your belief that, since you feel let down, you must not "give in." To you, giving in means forgiving, letting go, making peace. To do so, would be tantamount to giving up your soul. So, you keep your distance. You interact in perfunctory ways, never allowing your partner to step over the emotional line you've drawn. And though the distance often feels intolerable, forgiveness is not on your short list of solutions to your dilemma.

I have worked with so many couples who say they want to heal their relationships. And yet, when they're offered the tools, they can't seem to move forward. These are the couples who, instead of finding effective ways to get beyond blame, continue to repeat their mantra, "Our problems are your fault and you must pay." As long as they maintain this mindset, they are doomed to failure. How very sad. Even sadder are their children who, on a day-by-day basis observe their parents being "right" but "miserable." What lessons are they learning about love?

If any of this strikes a chord with you (and you wouldn't be reading this if it didn't), you need to internalize that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Letting go of resentment can set you free. It can bring more love and happiness into your life. It opens the door to intimacy and connection. It makes you feel whole. Forgiving others takes strength, particularly when you feel wronged, but the fortitude required to forgive pales in comparison to the energy necessary to maintain a sizable grudge. The person most hurt by holding out or blaming is YOU, no matter what the circumstances.

"All this sounds good," you tell yourself, "but how can I ever forget what my partner did to me?" Good question. You don't! Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. You will probably always remember the particular injustice(s) that drove you into your corner. But what will happen is that when you forgive, the intense emotions associated with the event(s) begin to fade. You will feel happier, lighter, more loving. And these renewed positive feelings won't go unnoticed. Others will be drawn to you.

Just keep in mind that forgiveness isn't a feeling. It is a decision. You decide that you are going to start tomorrow with a clean slate. Even if it isn't easy, you make the determination that the alternative is even harder, and that you are going to do what you must to begin creating a more positive future.

So promise yourself, that no matter what the reason, you will not go another day blaming your partner and feeling lonely. Make peace. Make up. Make love. I promise you that the benefits of deciding to forgive go far beyond anything you can picture in your mind's eye at the moment. Your decision to forgive will create a ripple effect of exponential changes in your life.

twinmom, I get that you are the one keeping your H away. My point was that you should revisit that decision, if only to get more help from him.

Unbidden, I want to but I am scared of "letting him back too easy" and the changes he seems to be making stop.

Thank you for posting mwd advice on forgiveness, I need to read this daily. Maybe if I allowed him here and therefore would be giving me a lot more help I might not be so bitter?

I am so torn, do I commit to the marriage or tell him he is basically the in home nanny (again) but with me being the one not working on the marriage?

Ugh, this is too much to think about. I just want a normal boring life again!

And if I do agree to working on the marriage sooner (due to sleep deprivation) I need advice..... do I let him see me emotional and tell him how I feel or do I continue DB'ing and keep things light? Even even he was living here but not working on the marriage I would try and keep things light and easy and then every now and then would blow up.

So, reall, you're like the WAS now afraid the changes aren't permanent. What is best for your kids and for you right now?

Yep, because of the "seriousness" of what H did..... I hope ow was AMAZING in bed to make leaving your pregnant wife with it.....

I don't feel safe and I want to make sure this will never happen again.

But, you will never be able to make sure it doesn't happen again. What you went through was and is unspeakable, no question. But there are no guarantees in life, why can't you just let him help with the kids more and leave R stuff for later?

How can anyone make sure this doesn't happen again? This is part of the reason this is so hard. Trust, honor, loyalty... all of that has come into question and they are the basis for a marriage we all want. We all knew the restoration process was the hardest part of all of this because that is where the true work takes place.

Take it slow. Breathe. Trust is built. He needs to build it and honor your concerns and worries which are VERY valid.

So I am caving big time right now, doing what is best for the kids.....

I am having the Essure procedure tomorrow (yea no more getting pregnant!) The meds they gave me to take tonight are making me sick, I can't nurse until Sunday. I have lots of milk in the freezer but Lilly is just not taking the bottle from me. So I called H, told him what was going on and asked him to come stay the weekend with us to help me. He was here in 20 min (it's usually a 25/30 min drive to his parents)

I am spending my night in the bath room.

I am so sorry you're so sick but I am SO glad you called for help. Take care of yourself. This is good for H, too.

Do what you need to feel better. If that means soup, ask. If that means water, tea, rest... ask and do it!!!

We're behind you.

Glad you reached out for help, tm. Hope all goes well tomorrow. God bless.

Well, that was a lot easier/less painful than I expected. I highly recommend the Essure procedure if you are looking for permanent birth control.

I was super emotional/loopy after the procedure, I asked H a few questions about marriage. I may have gotten his hopes up that I am thinking about working on the marriage......

He laid down with me yesterday after he put the kids to bed and just massaged my entire body for a long time. (I had commented my entire body felt crampy/weak/sore)
After he was done he held me and for the first time in a month I didn't push him away. He ended up holding me all night.

We have court on Wednesday..... I know he is going to ask if I am still going through with it. I am so confused and honestly don't know what to do.

I started feeling nauseated and lower back hurting really bad. The nausea got really bad, I gained 7lbs in less than a week and was bruising very easy. I called the Dr early Wednesday morning and he told me to go straight to the ER as I was most likely having a reaction to the metal that is used in the procedure.

Problem is I was supposed to be in court at 9am for the preliminary hearing. I could hardly stand up so court was out of the question.
H had stated he wasn't going because he didn't want a divorce and if I went through with it then it was my choice and he didn't need to show up because he knew I wouldn't ask for anything crazy.

I called H and told him I was going to the ER, that my mom was here with the kids buti was wondering if there was any way he could leave work early and take over for my mom.
H called my mom asked her if she was ok with the kids (she really can't handle them it for very long) she said yes so H came to the hospital and stayed with me.
He spent the night last night so I could go to bed as soon as I walked in the door.

So now I have to find out what happened in court. :-(

Oh twinmom, I hope your ok, and that's fantastic that your husband turned up at the hospital and stayed the night, he does seem to be trying to do the right things, keep it up I say!
hope you feel better soon, and I'm sure all the court stuff will be ok.

oh gosh, I hope you're ok! Was it the metal?

Have you been able to think about what it is you want after all this? Probably not with everything you're going through physically.

Take care of yourself, mama.

Geez Twinmom - I haven't done any gynecology in ages, so I looked up the Essure - why on EARTH would they use an insert that has NICKEL in it?????? Nickel allergies are EXTREMELY COMMON (anybody who has ever had irritated ears from their earrings probably has it - see how common hypoallergenic earrings are in the store). It just seems incredibly stupid to put something in the body that has nickel!!!!

I hope they are removing it ASAP and giving you an good old-fashioned tubal ligation instead. And that you get well soon. (((Hug)))

Turns out it was an infection from the procedure. On an antibiotic now and feeling much better!

I had a R talk with H tonight. We talked about neither of us showing up to court yesterday. I agreed to some MC and he agreed to giving me all passwords, looking at his phone whenever I wanted, absolutely no contact, his continued IC, and living apart for the next few weeks.

He is very remorseful for the pain he caused me. And seems to be making the right changes. Let's see if they last.

It has been very nice to have him here to help with the kids.

So glad to hear it, twinmom.

Lovely to hear and even lovelier to hear that you're doing better.

Has anyone read the book "why men marry bitches"

My ic recommended it and it is spot on and a very funny read too. I am about halfway done and I just started it last night.

I told H he could move back in. We had originally agreed a few weeks, but with soccer starting for both boys, student council for the oldest, swim lessons for the twins and my ic appointments he was here almost every day and spending a ton of $$ on gas driving back/forth to his parents.

Tonight is his first "official" night back here. I am actually kind of scared to ML to him.

Good luck and God speed to both of you, tm

Then don't ML to him.

Make him earn his way back into your heart AND your bed.

The "closer" we get the harder it is for me to stop thinking of OW and comparing myself to her. I think I am losing my mind trying to figure out why this happened and why her.

I feel like the WAW in the sense I am the one now who is VERY unsure of the changes/motives/relationship in general.