My other thread was locked so time to start a new one.
I feel like I am starting from square one. H is still here on the couch. The baby's room is right next to the living room so he takes care of her all night only bringing her to me when she is hungry. I struggle to detach as H joins us for dinner every night, and pretty much all family activities. The only thing he doesn't do is go to church. I am very curious about this. I don't know why he joins us for movies/dinner out/festivals/evening walks but won't go to mass with us. I don't ask him to go to anything and won't ask him why but it does make me wonder.
I have not looked at his phone in at least 3 weeks so I have no clue if he is still trying to get OW to give him another chance, nor do I really care. I just try to be as friendly/unemotional as possible. I have so many flashes of anger/almost hate and it is so hard not to lash out at him.
I do not bring up R talks but I fear that H thinks we are good friends because he is out of sight out of mind type person so I could use a little advice in this area.
Twinmom, knowing how hard it is to detach when I see my H for a couple of hours once a week, I really admire your strength of character in coexisting with him under your current circumstances. No advice, but sending good warm vibes.
Twinmom, I think you are doing amazing, especially given the circumstance. I think you are detaching more than you realize by not asking about R, why he does not go to Mass, etc. Sending you continued strength.
So I lost it last night. I went off on H letting him have all my anger and hurt and frustration. He said he still loves OW. He said he was sorry for hurting me blah blah blah. I told him he has to get out that I am so angry with him and can't stand even looking at him. He said ok. He asked if I would be willing to try and work things out POSSIBLY sometime in the future to which I said I dont think so
Today he tells me my hair looks nice and I still turn him on. Last night he kept telling me thank you for giving him 3 amazing children blah blah blah........... I stood my ground and insisted he find somewhere to live. Now to see if he actually does. He is supposed to be out by Sunday afternoon.
Go girl. Way to go twin mom.
Stand up for you.
Good job standing up for yourself!
That must have been hard. But it sounds like, perhaps a bit satisfying?
So what's his status?
Thinking of you!
So last night I went out with friends. Lillian is taking a bottle (the twins never did) I went to dinner and a movie. Btw Tammy wasn't as funny as I thought it would be.
H said I looked good and turned him on. (Yea I had lots of makeup on a skirt and REALLY high wedges) I didn't respond to that.
I had a few drinks and got home really really late. I had sent H a text telling him to take more milk out of the freezer that I was drinking and would need to pump and throw away when I got home instead of nursing. H actually told me to enjoy myself, he hates when I even have one drink so I assumed he would be really angry with me. I didn't make it to church this morning. H (who is supposed to be packing) asked if I wanted to go to 4:30 Mass at another church and then out to dinner with his parents and a few of his brothers. Ummmmmmm wth?!?!?!
H tells me he hasn't been going to church because he is embarrassed that I have been taking the kids every week by myself and people think badly of him about that. (And only Father and like 3 people actually know what he did) so he is happy I didn't go to church this morning because now he can go with. Ughhhhhhh
H asks for sex this morning. I told him no that he doesn't love me and I can't do the random fu$@ thing. He tells me he can give me the emotion part of sex as well as the physical part. I told him no and went to target.
Oh and during my blow up with him I yelled at him for giving me sh$$ about the Sprint bill being in his name still and him asking when I was planning on getting a job.
His response was how was I supposed to look for a job 8mo pregnant? Ummmmmmm no crap Sherlock! I told him I thought it was bull that I cracked my screen but still made do with my phone because of the cost of buying a new one/extending the contract but the moment he drops his phone and cracks the screen he rushes out and gets a new one on OW family plan.
He claims to have told me to go but a new phone and that he didn't care about cost or contract that I deserved a new phone. Yea, whatever jerk you never said that.
So I went Friday and got a new phone. I like android and had the Galaxy S 5 but the iPhone 5 was cheaper and BLUE (my absolute favorite color) so I went with that.
Getting used to the difference between android and apple operating systems. So far not liking it. :0(
He has some serious cajones! What a jerk!
I'm sorry hun, you have to get him out of the house ASAP!
I really can see why you would prefer target!
That's a no brainier! He's really got no clue what he's done has he?
Chants jerry jerry, twin, twin, twin. Does a dance you stand up for you and the bubbies.
OK, he's now asked you (for sex) three times.
Next time, I would say this to you:
"Please don't ask me that again. I'm really trying not to be hurtful, but the truth is that with the things you've done, I'm simply not attracted to you anymore."
Starsky
Or:
"H, in order for us to have sex, you would have to move out of the house, attend counseling consistently for 6 months, give me total transparency on your phone and email etc to prove you aren't cheating, etc. Once you've done THAT and shown true remorse and a genuine desire to change, I'll consider it".
Sad, though, since we all know your H isn't capable. Still, that's what a TRULY remorseful spouse would do; don't settle for less!
That's good, too!
I just like to get little "truth darts" in from time to time (because generally, you can't teach a wayard but you CAN get in an occasional truth dart). And it's good to let them know that their destructive behavior has made them UNATTRACTIVE to you. I just think they need to hear it.
Starsky
you could also let him know that since he is having sex with one OW, odds are there are more than one and you would prefer to be alive with the kids rather than dead from an STD and since whatever he tells you will most likely be a lie, you are left with 2 options....a pity F*** for someone you find physically repulsive and obtaining a possibly life threatening STD OR>>>>>>> a trip to target....
hmmmmmmmmmmm
LMAO!!!! Good one, figg!!!
Oh, figgeroni, are you that good on the fly, too?
You guys are awesome !!!!!! You have me laughing like crazy. Actually when I was blowing up at him the other night I told him that just looking at him makes me angry I couldn't even imagine how furious I would be if I tried to be intimate with him.
And of course he didn't leave........
I am soooooooo tired right now but I just couldn't be around H so I told him I was going to the gym. (Already ran 3miles today) I am sitting in the parking lot just catching up on email/internet stuff. Will splash some water on my head and go home in about an hour or so.
So what's everyone's opinion on me just being downright cold/distant/almost mean to him instead of the "business like" or nice neighbor attitude DB usually teaches?
You don't actually want him back, do you???
So DBing is strictly for you now.
You need him out of your house. He is clearly incredibly thick. I'm no vet, but do what you've gotta do to get him out. We'll be over here applauding. (And watching for more of figgeroni's great zingers...)
Yep. Tell us, twin: what do you want right now?
Being warm, friendly and neighbor-like is for people who are trying to make positive changes in their own lives and perspective, yes, but it's also to re-attract their spouses and get their Ms back on track. I'm not saying you should resort to being nasty, but why WOULDN'T you be distant toward your H right now?
It's gonna be hard to continue saying "get out of the house and my life, you freaking selfish turd" in a warm way, with a smile on your face, right?
So what is your ultimate goal? Still to get him to leave?
I want him to leave so that he will see how much he has lost (he will actually be alone instead of having OW to distract him) and decide to make changes on his own.
If he does actually leave I am going to be so tired I don't know how I will function all day. Very little sleep at night and no naps during the day is going to be rough! Because if I ask him to come over every day so I can nap 1. He will just end up back here full time. 2. An hour nap isn't going to do a darn thing but make me want more sleep.
I am still living in the dream world that one day he will actually feel the pain of his actions and want to be a better person.
I am still living in the dream world that one day he will actually feel the pain of his actions and want to be a better person.
You know, if he was a previously good guy who just slipped and succumbed to the allure of an affair - this would be possible, even likely.
But we've already established that your H is a serial adulterer and liar - he lied to you about cheating on his first wife to be with you. He engaged in an affair while you were pregnant with his child. And now that he's back, he's wanting to sleep with you but still telling you he's in love with the OW.
Odds are pretty darned good that he has a personality disorder and is unlikely to change. If you "win" him back, you will always be looking over your shoulder, waiting for the next affair to happen (and it will).
Is it possible for him to change? Sure, change is always possible. Is it likely? No. And if it DOES happen, it sure won't happen because you let him stay around the house and slide back into your bed. He's only going to change when he HAS to - like, when he's lost his wife and kids and has to face up to the effect it's having on his life. Right now he's protected from all those effects.
Now - if you need him there for help, and have ABSOLUTELY no one else who can help you - fine, use him for that right now. But don't be deluded into taking him back without him doing all the hard work he needs to do - you'll regret it. And you deserve better.
In addition to everything kml just wrote, consider this:
If your efforts are all to wake-up/change/impact your H and/or his perspective and behaviors, you are already doomed.
I'm not saying it would be EASY to raise kids alone - especially while you are postpartum with a newborn - but it IS possible.
Still thinking of you ...
I am not going to absolutely say he is never going to understand what he lost but....
here's the deal
he is a serial assh*le
that means he uses whatever is there to get whatever he wants whenever he wants it
odds are that the only reason he wants something is because it is convenient or makes him look good
assh0lic behavior at its finest
raising babies on your own is tough...
doable but tough...no lying about that one
raising babies on your own with a pile of bad rubbish hanging around is impossible
they will learn from his example too
and...being in a bad relationship prevents you from ever being in a healthy one...with anyone. People see how you allow others to treat you...
once you believe you deserve more and decide to cut off the anchor dragging you down and making you small, you will see how big you really are, you will have more energy because it isn't being wasted on something that isn't worth your time...
So I offered to call OW and ask her to give H another chance. I told him that seems to be the only way he will move out and if he would like me to do that I will.
He replied, no I don't know what I want.
I was making pico for a snack and never even looked at him.
September can't come soon enough!
Lillian's baptism is Sunday. Too much to do before then!
Twin, it's tough.
You've got this. Stay tough. Yes I'll be applauding too.
So our photographer ( a family friend who has a photography business) is horribly sick and most likely won't make the baptism. Trying to find a photographer at the last minute. H decides to ask one of his employees who I guess dabbles in it as a hobby. She said yes.
I am so angry/frustrated/emotional right now. 1. Who knows how decent of a photographer she is. 2. I never cared for her very much because I always thought she was a little too "friendly" with H. Knowing what I do now I would take a guess that there has been something going on between them at some point.
I do not want this woman at my daughters baptism and then at my home!!! But H has already asked her.
Any suggestions on how to handle this?
How do I handle my urge to go off on H and be a smart a$$ b!$&@. Because I after the crap his mom pulled yesterday I have no patience left and literally spent 5 min in the bathroom yelling at the mirror, I am afraid I might loose it and yell at H, his mom and this woman next.
So our photographer ( a family friend who has a photography business) is horribly sick and most likely won't make the baptism. Trying to find a photographer at the last minute. H decides to ask one of his employees who I guess dabbles in it as a hobby. She said yes.
I am so angry/frustrated/emotional right now. 1. Who knows how decent of a photographer she is. 2. I never cared for her very much because I always thought she was a little too "friendly" with H. Knowing what I do now I would take a guess that there has been something going on between them at some point.
THIS^^ is an issue. At first I thought you were being petty and your h was trying to help. But if you have ANY inkling that there has been an inappropriate relationship between them (and you have every right to wonder that) then call her yourself and tell her you got someone else (or have him do it in front of you) and keep looking or ask a decent Picture taking family friend to do it.
It's not like this is your wedding, and I think all that matters really is that the Baptism outfit looks cute and you look good (to be frank, that IS what matters most!!) B/c the baby will change so much so fast anyhow.
Also, do you really not know why your h won't go to Mass with you? If I were in your shoes, I'd be surprised if I could sit thru a Mass with my h -- if he were having an A,
it was not his first,
he TOLD me he still loved OW,
AND he also told me he wanted to have sex with me.
God, I'd worry that the holy water would burn him...
I do not want this woman at my daughters baptism and then at my home!!! But H has already asked her.
Any suggestions on how to handle this?
Call her to "apologize" for any confusion but you got someone else and you pre-paid them, so, too late, THANKS ANYHOW! OR have your h do it but in front of you so you know it got done. He's too goofy-
and I can actually imagine him flirting with her in front of you or your family and or setting something up with her for later, "b/c You said no to sex" and him justifying it b/c HE FEELS BAD and needs comforting and blah blah blah...
God, would you prefer dealing with that^^ scenario or 2 minutes of awkwardness on the phone?
How do I handle my urge to go off on H and be a smart a$$ b!$&@. Because I after the crap his mom pulled yesterday I have no patience left and literally spent 5 min in the bathroom yelling at the mirror, I am afraid I might loose it and yell at H, his mom and this woman next.
See above.
And we urge you to stay calm and in control of yourself NOT to attract him back so much as to:
1) to maintain a sense of dignity and quiet strength in the face of adversity;
which you'll never regret doing; (whereas you will almost surely regret "losing it")
AND
2) to NOT remind him of the reasons he left (ie. "she's such an emotional beyotch!") but to contrast his reasons for leaving with the positive image of you behaving with so much class and reason and firm compassion, that at some level he knows IF he is capable of knowing, that he lost a great catch,
AND
3) to set an example for your children b/c they are watching you.
Make sense?
PS
Ask your photographer friend for referrals if you feel you must have a professional one there. But ask yourself if that is crucial at this time. Isn't it pricey?
Just wondering.
The family friend never charged us anything. My issue is that I don't want Lillian wondering why there are so many professional photos of the twins but not her. Right now it's no big deal but when she is older I don't want her to feel cheated or that she wasn't as important as the twins.
I have calmed down a lot, no one but me saw the frustration. I told H I didn't feel comfortable with her being there/coming to my home. He acted truly shocked that I thought there was something going on. He tried to assure me there has never been anything between them. I just kept telling him that it didn't matter if there was, that I wasn't concerned with who he is intimate with just as long as I don't have to feel uncomfortable in my own home.
He offered to cancel with her and hire the lady our friend suggested.
The family friend never charged us anything. My issue is that I don't want Lillian wondering why there are so many professional photos of the twins but not her. Right now it's no big deal but when she is older I don't want her to feel cheated or that she wasn't as important as the twins.
Well no offense but I think you are borrowing trouble from tomorrow. Man, I'm 1 of 9 kids and I just don't do that type of measuring...yikes!
I have calmed down a lot, no one but me saw the frustration. I told H I didn't feel comfortable with her being there/coming to my home. He acted truly shocked that I thought there was something going on. He tried to assure me there has never been anything between them. I just kept telling him that it didn't matter if there was, that I wasn't concerned with who he is intimate with just as long as I don't have to feel uncomfortable in my own home.
He offered to cancel with her and hire the lady our friend suggested.
Let him.
I am an only child so sibling stuff is hard for me. I don't know how to deal with it.
Wow, an only child with 5 kids! You are really reaching outside your comfort zone!
I'm the oldest of four, my mom is the 7th of ten, and I have three kids. There is NO WAY you'll be able to treat them all evenly. Even if you magically could they'd still find a way to jockey for position. That's just how it is. Let it become the family joke. Lillian may complain that there are professional photos of the twins; the twins will complain that they never get you to themselves. Your oldest boys will complain that you made them responsible for everything and that they raised the little ones single handedly. You won't win, so don't try.
Enjoy your baby's baptism. Don't let all the shizzle suck the joy away from this brief time.
Don't know if I am allowed to post this here or if the link will work but this video is so amazing I had to try and share.
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=583210001741169&id=100001565226312
Each one of our 3 kids (son and 2 daughters) feel that they were treated with less attention than the others, but that I secretly prefer them.
So I think I must have done something right...??
Each one of our 3 kids (son and 2 daughters) feel that they were treated with less attention than the others, but that I secretly prefer them.
So I think I must have done something right...??
yes, I think you did it right.
Got into a tickle fight with H and the twins tonight. It's moments like these that make detaching so damn hard. Everyone laughing, rolling on the floor/jumping on each other.
hi twinmom, nothing to add to your sitch, but i get the whole, being and only child thing, I'm an only child, and I have a seven yr old son and 3 yr old twin boys, and because I didn't grow up around siblings, I overcompensate all the time with the boys, tring to make sure its 'fair'...
Yesterday was Lillian's baptism. It was wonderful. During mass H kept putting his hands on my waist/back every time we had to stand in front with Father. I didn't make a scene in church, I sarcastically asked H if he was going to take communion and he looked down at the floor and said no. I told him he should probably go to confession first.
After Mass we were getting ready to take pictures and I looked at H and said "happy family or reality" to which he replied happy family please.
So we did pics together. (Lilly me H in some, me H and all the kids, you get the idea)
Back at my house everyone had a great time, it was relaxed and I had such a good time talking to friends/family. I made a white peach sangria that was AMAZING! I kept getting compliments on the food (I made BBQ beef, ham, potato salad, pasta salad, fruit, veggie and cheese/salami trays, cupcakes, and cookies)
One of H's brothers took a few plates of food home and told H he was so lucky to have a wife that could cook, he told me that he looks forward to holidays because he knows I will be doing the cooking.
It was a huge ego boost and put me in an even better mood.
I let the kids open new Nerf guns and lots of darts after most people left. S8 BFF and his family were there and the mom had errands to run after the party so I said the friend could stay for the rest of the day. H and I joined in on the Nerf war with the twins and older kids. Again, lots of laughter and a good time.
So today I am spending the morning reminding myself that yesterday wasn't really my life and getting back on the detaching path.
Yesterday was rough. Overwhelming morning and dentist appointment for me and the twins in the afternoon.
It was emotionally just a really rough day. I sent H a text and asked him to PLEASE not be at the house this evening. He asked why and I told him I had a very rough day and needed to relax and him being there judging me would push me over the edge.
Typical for H he didn't listen so I took Lilly shopping and H kept the twins. When I came home I went into my room, H came in there and wanted to talk. He listened to why I had a rough day, tried to hug me (I pulled away) and then went to the couch.
Why is H now doing all the things I wanted but didn't get during our M???? He leaves work at a decent time, he listens/asks about stressful days without trying to "fix" it and he is pursuing me sexually (I still turn him down every time) he also has offered to talk to his mom when a situation came up where I was unhappy that she gave them chips for lunch/didn't put them down for a nap and fed them a snack right before I made dinner.
Ugh, it's like rubbing my face in what I "want" in a husband but can't have (and yea the whole cheating thing is a huge deal breaker.
Tough, really tough.
Maybe look at what you want? And what he is prepared to do?
He does need serious runs on the board.
Until he's willing to go to counseling and do the work it's all b.s.
Until he's willing to go to counseling and do the work it's all b.s.
Yep.
And this would be some SERIOUS work.
I think he **might** be making some progress in realizing the mess he created but I don't think he is ready to clean up the mess...
He went to church today. And it just so happened father asked us to take the gifts to the alter today.
He has been in a rather grumpy mood today so I spent most of the day getting my nails done and relaxing outside with margaritas.
On a side note, H and I decided to go see Sex Tape last night and they wouldn't let us because I had Lilly with (wrapped in a Moby wrap) they said she couldn't see a rated R movie and asked if we wanted to see a PG13 movie. SERIOUSLY?!? She can't even see the screen!
Just journaling my feelings....
Having such a hard time pulling away.
As soon as H walked in from work yesterday he picked Lilly up, about half way through dinner I made the comment that he totally screws me by holding her all night (she sleeps on his chest or in his arms on the couch) and most of the evening. He said he didn't mean to and I just replied that I couldn't hold her all day and that when he moves out I am totally fuc&$ on sleep.
Then I left to run errands.
H has been very grumpy/cold/distant both Sunday and Monday.
I really really feel for you. Having a baby is hard enough in a healthy R. In your sitch, with toddler twins, and a WAH... I honestly think you are amazing for coping the way you do.
Can you get some help during the day or overnight? Friends, relatives, a babysitter or a baby nurse who can give you a chance to rest? Who is watching you for PPD symptoms?
I hope you are able to get some support. Anyone in your sitch would need it...
Claire H is still here for now, he refuses to move out. That's the "problem" he sleeps with Lilly and only brings her to me when she needs to nurse. I get a decent amount of sleep right now, but if OW decides to take H back or after our court date (September 3) he won't be here anymore but Lilly will be used to sleeping with him (she already is) and I will be so screwed. Right now during the day Lilly doesn't like to be put down and H picks her up as soon as he gets home and holds her all evening. Makes it hard for me to cook/clean/take care of the other kids.
Sitting here nursing so nothing else to do but read/journal on my phone.......
I am really trying hard to live the no affection/friendship just be co-parents as long as your in contact with OW boundary I have decided on. H says he has only been in contact with her when she asked for him to repay her for car seats she purchased and for cell phone bill $$ (because H is still on her family plan)
I have no way of confirming this as we have not agreed to even working on the relationship (actually the opposite)
I just know for my sanity I can't interact with H on a friendship level while he still has ties to OW. I had an emotional evening a few nights ago and asked H to please tell me he wanted nothing to do with me, that I needed to hear the non sugar coated truth again, he refused to tell me he wanted a divorce.
Trying my best to be out of the house in the evenings or be in my room after the twins go to bed. Avoiding his calls/texts today. I have fallen into the trap of answering his calls/texts immediately and sharing funny kid stories with him throughout the day :o(
One freaking day at a time! Today he went into work at 10 and I spent the morning in bed and then slowly showering/doing my hair and make up. I ignored a phone call and didn't reply to a text for over an hour. When he gets home I have coupons that expire today so I will go shopping.
Ok Train and Starsky (and the rest of you I know I am forgetting) be proud of me....
H just sent a text saying his mom wants to know what the cheapest place to purchase backpacks is right now....
1.) why didn't she just text me???? (she texts me all the time)
2.) it drives me INSANE that she buys/donates school supplies and Christmas gifts THEN asks to borrow $$$$
I ignored H's text and instead replied directly to his mom with the wanted information and left it at that...
This is accomplishing 2 things I am working on.
-Ignoring H unless about kids/absolutely have to
-My 180 of not complaining to H about stupid crap his family does, as normally I would have sent H a text saying "Why do we loan your mom $$$ why can't she realize she has her own bills to pay and stop donating so we don't have to pay her bills?"
You've been remarkable. I don't know how you do it.
Best to you.
Ok Train and Starsky (and the rest of you I know I am forgetting) be proud of me....
H just sent a text saying his mom wants to know what the cheapest place to purchase backpacks is right now....
1.) why didn't she just text me???? (she texts me all the time)
2.) it drives me INSANE that she buys/donates school supplies and Christmas gifts THEN asks to borrow $$$$
I ignored H's text and instead replied directly to his mom with the wanted information and left it at that...
This is accomplishing 2 things I am working on.
-Ignoring H unless about kids/absolutely have to
-My 180 of not complaining to H about stupid crap his family does, as normally I would have sent H a text saying "Why do we loan your mom $$$ why can't she realize she has her own bills to pay and stop donating so we don't have to pay her bills?"
Very good!
THAT is creating change through ACTIONS, twin! Way to do it!
And I am sick, ugh!!! Don't have time for this. Throat hurts so bad I want to cry, east ache and my head hurts..... I think I might have to make a trip to the take care clinic :o(
At the take care clinic and get a text from H asking for roadside assistance # and then asks me to pick him up from work this evening and take him to get the Jeep because it has a flat tire and he is having it towed/fixed while he is at work.......
I want to say f you call OW, but I know I should be nice.
Will most likely end up saying yes. And yes I would do this for a neighbor but H is that neighbor that you can't stand and look forward to maybe seeing a fire sale sign in the front yard..... LOL
You have a newborn at home, and toddler twins, and you are barely out of your post-partum phase.
You are a super-woman, IMO.
I would NEVER ask a neighbor in your position to help me in such a way. Surely there is someone else that can help him!?!! Maybe he can call a cab?
I could be totally wrong, but I would say, "I'm so sorry, I have my hands full this evening" or something like that.
Ads twin some cyber lighter fund and zippo!
Here lovie, this will help!
Warms hands by mr tm house fire.
Is he serious tm?
When I read your sick and fluey, I though instantly mastitis.
Sorry but he is a very very bad neighbour in the same class as my h, leave him to cope.
He's a man with man bits, tell him grow a set and be a man.
Oh, and I missed the part about how you are SICK and went to see the doctor!
(Please tell me you didn't help him with his car...)
And I hope you feel better. You seem like a super woman, but I hope you are taking good care of yourself, too...
Ggrass, the milk is flowing just fine :0) it is just sinus, throat and ears.... and actually sitting up feels better than laying down. Dr said it's viral and nothing they can do. Netti pot and Tylenol.
H's mom was at the house as it was Friday, since I was ignoring his texts he called her and asked her to put me on the phone.... darn, can't avoid that one. He asked me to pick him up at 4 because the tire place closes at 5. I agreed :0( I don't do well being "firm"in front of his family.
Later last night I blew up on H, every now and then I just can't take it and let him have it. I exploded about how he treated my kids while he was living with OW and how he chose her over his own kids a few times. We argued, he said he was wrong/sorry about a few things we argued a little more.... I criticized him for not doing enough around the house now like he used to. In the middle of the argument he walks over and starts kissing me, like grab my head put his tongue down my throat kissing me. I pull back but he keeps going, he carried me into my bed and told me to go to sleep. I guess that's one way to end an argument.
I hope he gets sick now, lol!
Clair thank you, I am actually feeling worse today but can't sleep/lay down as that hurts my head and makes it even harder to breath through my nose
That's good, then twm, I had it. It's not a nice thing to have mastitis.
What's with the whole passion thing?
I don't expect an answer really.
I've had a slight cold, now I have a real large crop of cold sores!
Not fun.
I wish I knew..... I screamed at him "you don't want to be here and I am so angry with you" and he immediately grabbed me and started with the passion thing.
I so need help controlling my anger. Anyone have any tips/advice on this?
I know mind reading/figuring out what they are thinking is frowned upon here but can anyone help me because it's absolutely driving me bonkers!
During my blow up (I really need help learning to process this anger better because I seem to blow up about every other week) I was yelling at H that I was tired of playing happy family at church and that the life we are living isn't real... the life of come home from work to a lovely dinner, have enjoyable conversation about the day and then family time with the kids. I told him I didn't want him to go to church with us anymore, he said he was Catholic and needed to go anyway (ummmmmmmm sure as he'll are not practicing the faith)
So fast forward to today, I get the kids ready for church and H gets in the car with us. I just gave him a "look" as he knows I won't blow up in front of the kids.
Can someone please give me some insight as to why he "agrees" to move out, to not go anywhere as a family, to not try and kiss me...... and then does it anyway??
He tells me now that when we divorce is up to me, he wants me home with the kids and he tells me now we can keep the marriage for "financial" reasons for as long as I want. But in the same breath he told me he is still holding on to hope that OW will take him back and he has no feelings for me.
So I really don't understand his actions and his words.
he is manipulating you
that is all
^^ if that is true, it's particularly heinous. You are still post-partum. Hormones still adjusting, sleep deprived.
If he wants to help you financially, would he be willing to hire a mother's helper, or a housekeeper who can give you some relief with the household chores or keeping the toddlers occupied, especially during the early evening/bedtime hours?? I imagine that time of day might be really tough.
Claire.... if you haven't read my previous threads, my H has done some pretty f'ed up stuff.... definitely not the man I thought I married, he is very self centered but likes to make sure no one else views him that way.
Yeah so did mine in the last year!
I hope he leaves soon, it will make your life with the kids both tougher and easier.
It will help with the stress levels.
Small changes...... tonight instead of having dinner ready at 5:30ish when H usually gets here dinner was ready at 5:15.... so the older boys were done eating and the twins were just finishing up when H walked in. I had cleaned up the kitchen and put all the leftovers away instead of leaving any out for H. I handed H the baby, made my iced tea, and took my spaghetti to the table.
ACTION to show H I didn't make dinner for him.... food is here if he wants to eat but I cook for the kids not him!
That's GREAT!
Nice job getting creative!
High five and spirit fingers!
Well done. That's gold.
That's awesome twinmom! I've been catching up on your thread, it's good to hear from other mums with twins, mine have just turned 3!
Watto14 any twin mom advice??
I started potty training D2 yesterday..... she is doing awesome, it is just after 11am right now and we have had ZERO accidents and 4 successes! Yesterday was about 50/50.....
All I can say is punishing the older two boys for sneaking electronics at night (they have to copy 10 Commandments 10x) nursing Lilly, keeping S2 occupied and potty training D2 is going to drive me to drink :-)
Which you have to wait to ate up drinking till Lilly's weaned!
Frustrating as well!
don't kid your self it gets easier, s16 is giving me grief too.
Hey twinmom, no advice on the potty training, my two have been on and off since the start of the year, the younger of the twins (3 minutes! !) seem to be keen to try most days but has a llot of accidents, at daycare they do ok with it, but the girls that work there have also said that with everything that's going on in their lives at the moment, don't stress too much about it, our s7 was 3 and a half when he toilet trained but also did it in a week, because he was ready.
just my two cents....
I do the "one day" method (which is really like 3 days) with the kids I work with and also did this with my older boys.... stressful for me but it works!
Vivian is doing great, it's 1pm and no accidents today. She ended up have 3 accidents yesterday. Enough to wet her panties but not enough to make a mess on the floor. She ran to the bathroom each time and finished on the toilet.
That's really great, I'm getting to the point now where I think I might start with the one who is interested in training and hopefully the other one will be encouraged to do the same, I can only hope lol
Sooooooooooooooo, last night while H was sleeping (on the couch as usual) I took one of the boys Nerf guns and filled the ammo attachment (like 30 darts) and stood over H and let loose on him.
Darn that was good stress relief!! H woke up and was like wtf? I told him if he wanted to avoid my extra stressful days he should move out. He responded by grabbing another Nerf gun and declaring "war".......