Waiting for depressed spouse to heal - 02/26/13 04:38 PM
Hi all, I'm new to the forum. I am curious if others have had experience with depressive / depressed spouses and what advice you have. Here's my situation:
H and I have been married 8 years (no kids). I would say overall we have had a great relationship. H has always been a sensitive, depressive sort of guy (sort of like Eeyore, but funnier). He had a pretty serious depression in college but has managed to keep his head above water until the last year or so.
A few things happened to trigger another depression. First, in April 2012, I lost my dad and he lost his best friend in a very sudden, horrific accident. Then, stuff at work has kind of snowballed to a level he is uncomfortable with (although he likes his job overall). Then, he agreed to a teaching assistant position where he'd be attending class once per week and helping students with coursework. Now he is admitting that he piled on extra stuff at work and with the TA gig so that he wouldn't have to think about what happened to his friend. So it is all kind of blowing up in that he is getting overwhelmed with emotion and has no energy for anything.
He started therapy about a month ago and so far she is giving him some helpful tips. In the midst of working through his depression, we are also working on ways to make our relationship better, mostly the usual kind of stuff for introverts and extroverts. He is trying to be less passive, more assertive. I am trying not to schedule so many events and to be sure to allow him time to recharge. Etc. etc. I am also trying to be supportive and listen to him a lot without trying to jump in and "fix" everything, because I know I can't.
Thanks for listening, I am trying to respect his privacy and not talk about his situation with friends and family, but I need someplace to vent and ask people about their experience with depressed spouses. Please share, I'd love to hear what worked for others and what didn't.
H and I have been married 8 years (no kids). I would say overall we have had a great relationship. H has always been a sensitive, depressive sort of guy (sort of like Eeyore, but funnier). He had a pretty serious depression in college but has managed to keep his head above water until the last year or so.
A few things happened to trigger another depression. First, in April 2012, I lost my dad and he lost his best friend in a very sudden, horrific accident. Then, stuff at work has kind of snowballed to a level he is uncomfortable with (although he likes his job overall). Then, he agreed to a teaching assistant position where he'd be attending class once per week and helping students with coursework. Now he is admitting that he piled on extra stuff at work and with the TA gig so that he wouldn't have to think about what happened to his friend. So it is all kind of blowing up in that he is getting overwhelmed with emotion and has no energy for anything.
He started therapy about a month ago and so far she is giving him some helpful tips. In the midst of working through his depression, we are also working on ways to make our relationship better, mostly the usual kind of stuff for introverts and extroverts. He is trying to be less passive, more assertive. I am trying not to schedule so many events and to be sure to allow him time to recharge. Etc. etc. I am also trying to be supportive and listen to him a lot without trying to jump in and "fix" everything, because I know I can't.
Thanks for listening, I am trying to respect his privacy and not talk about his situation with friends and family, but I need someplace to vent and ask people about their experience with depressed spouses. Please share, I'd love to hear what worked for others and what didn't.