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#2161795 06/20/11 02:16 AM
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Let my last newcomers post lock up. This is a good time to move over here. In 2 weeks I'll give notice on my apartment and will be moving 12 hours away. Before I become a resident of a new state, I'll be filing for at least a legal separation (keeps insurance, etc going, but prevents other issues). I talked briefly to H about this and him getting his tons of stuff out of the basement. He said he hadn't thought about D since he looked at it around moving out time. Really??? That was in Nov and it is June and you are still having an affair.

Threw a wonderful father's day for H and D3, though. They had an amazing time and he loved the gift the kids "made" for him with a lot of mommy's help. She was very proud of it and kept telling people about it all day.


Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible.
--Stanislaw Lem
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Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible.
--Stanislaw Lem
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Hope all is well with you, AJ!

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I hope some of you are still checking in, even though I haven't posted much in a few weeks.

I'm very overwhelmed. 1st, my landlord very nicely, but firmly told me to take a few extra days to let her know about renewal when I told her I didn't think it would work. She basically said we needed to suck it up and figure out the money so I could stay close to H, otherwise the kids would lose their dad because he'd stop seeing them because he'd want to avoid the guilt and negative feelings or because he'll start a 2nd family.

Next, I'm confused about where to live in general. The house next door to my parents is for sale, overpriced/needs some work...I'm sick of living out of boxes and moving constantly. Not sure I'm ready to buy a house, though, and it's not where I want to live longterm.

Finally, H and I discussed two things last night, housing and his life. Housing caused a near fight, since I told him staying local wasn't really an option in my mind since he hadn't even asked us to stay or said he'd move closer to the kids if we did and he was very touchy about all considerations other than us going away and leaving him to his misery.

Basically, we talked about healing things he could do to get his life back on track (other than reconciling, which he has no interest in). He wants to get away from OW (and I think from me) and from the dark, negative feelings/guilt/etc. He has a lot of guilt and is still angry at me sometimes. He says I am better than him and it makes him feel bad about him self and that I dominate his personality. Plus he sees how moving away from my friends and family affected my well being so negatively and he says he feels a lot of guilt about that.

So basically, H is trying to get his inner self sorted out, which I am proud of and happy for him. However, he's decided he wants us, but doesn't deserve us? Is afraid of failing again? Is tired of coming up short in comparison (in his mind- the rest of us think he's pretty great)?

What do I do?


Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible.
--Stanislaw Lem
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AJM80 Offline OP
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Argg, we're in such a better place, but my parents hate and do not trust H. How am I going to balance between these two families that I have?


Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible.
--Stanislaw Lem
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Just out of curiosity... why does your landlord think that your H would start a second family if you don't renew your lease? Just asking...

As far as his inner turmoil goes... I've read that could be a sign that he's finally beginning to work things out in himself. Possibly a good sign... also a point where he could go into the MLC "replay"... nothing you can do to prevent it if that's what happens...

Best you can do is let him work it through. I guess you can validate if he contacts you. I've heard that any questions from WAS regarding R would best be responded with something like, "I am not sure what the future holds" or similar...

As far as the R between your parents and your H... *shrug*... IDK...

It is a difficult enough road to rebuild a M as far as I've heard. I'm guessing that rebuilding all the Rs that are interlinked to the M would have their own challenges... Likely part of why it's said that rebuilding a M is possibly more difficult than having to deal with a possible D...

Wish I could offer better words of encouragement.

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Hi - landlady had a terrible cheating EX. Years ago and she is still very angry. She has a very bare bones idea of what is going on, since she's been there and read into what I did tell her (H called her and tried to cancel our lease months ago).


Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible.
--Stanislaw Lem
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Hey AJM80.

Lost you there for a bit. Just dropping you a note to let you know I'm still keeping tabs on you.

OMW


"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
- Maria Robinson

M: 45 WAW: 36
T: 17 M: 14 Kids: D9
ILYBNILWY: 6/2010
W left: 2/2011
W back: 2/2012
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Hi OMW - long time no talk. How are things with you? I am getting ready, I think, to finally pull the trigger on that move. Told H that if he could figure out finances, I would be willing to live near him in a cheaper town (he would have to move near us too). So between that and a fun weekend over july 4th he is freaking out/feeling like he's raised expectations and backed waaay off again. I think I should probably go dark. Get some space, protect myself while he sorts himself out. We did have a good talk the other night, when I asked him why he was being so weird. We talked, then hugged it out.

Also, I went on a quasi-date 2 weeks ago with a guy I new 15 years ago - jeez, terrible idea. I am WAAAAAy to vulnerable to even go out as friends. Thank goodness he is a good, decent guy and we all just had a beer or two. I bet I hugged him a dozen times...you know, when you just want to be close to someone. I think he and I are safely in the friend zone and I had fun, but still....weird night for me.

What's new with you? feel free to post here or on yours. smile I think I am down to a few followers from this little break I have been taking.

I think H loves and misses our family (and maybe me specifically), but is too scared of failing again...AND I think he is sad and depressed and probably having trouble ditching OW and making it stick. Fear is a tough thing to overcome.


Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible.
--Stanislaw Lem
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Nothing new with me. I moved over here to "Separated" with you, as WAW move out long ago. My new thread is here: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2169008#Post2169008

Interesting that you have come so far. I think you are making great progress.

Funny about the quasi-date. Sorry it didn't go so well. I've had some recent activity in that arena and I am finding it enjoyable and fun. Nice to have someone's attention who doesn't scorn me constantly.

I have nothing really new to report with the exception that I have grown sick and tired of all this. The depth of my concern with my W & my sitch has grown very shallow. I feel like I'm entering a new phase here.

Keep at it. I'm here with you, still.

OMW.


"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
- Maria Robinson

M: 45 WAW: 36
T: 17 M: 14 Kids: D9
ILYBNILWY: 6/2010
W left: 2/2011
W back: 2/2012
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