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Joined: Feb 2015
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Although I have LOTS to add, tonight I am broken hearted as my husband of 36 yrs is very controlling and PA. He will do a silent treatment for weeks. During this time, he withholds money, job info from me (he's self employed) and has even been going so far as to have our daughter type up the paperwork for him instead of me. He has lied and said I refuse to do it - when the truth is, he will wait even days, then at the last minute, expect me to drop everything and run and do it for him while he relaxes for the night. I usually do but now he's saying I don't so he can hide it from me. I so want to discuss Divorce Busting but right now, I'm wondering if I'm over-reacting for telling my daughter NOT to do any paperwork for him because it enables him to hide money from me, etc. She gets mad at me and doesn't think she is doing anything wrong as she is helping her dad. I have tried to explain how it is hurting our marriage, etc but she doesn't want to hear it. Advice appreciated as he is going gung ho on doing things behind my back and so far, it appears that his siblings, friends and my daughter are helping him. (BTW - he does not pay the household bills personally - doesn't even get the mail but he has me do it but I have to about beg to do them in time. No one knows how bad he is behind closed doors. I'm the responsible one - he's out putting on a false front and having a great time spending money on himself) He literally acts like he has no cares in the world which I've noticed is his reward for not talking to me. Freedom and fun for him. BTW - a friend told me several years ago that he thinks my husband is pushing me to file for divorce so he doesn't look bad. He's doing about all he can without cheating on me at this point - I'm literally ignored even if we walk past each other in the hallway. I don't know how to handle it and with my daughter doing paperwork, I don't know how much money to expect to come in. He tells me to "get out" but if I do, we are in such a position that everything goes to an auction and proceeds split. I have been trying to live my own life - doesn't seem to phase him except he's mad I don't cook and clean. His priorities seem to be his old cars - he is like a drug addict about buying/selling. He's on Craigslist hours a night searching.. Advice??

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I am going to post my welcome post from newcomers here but I suggest you copy and paste this thread there instead of here as there is more traffic there and you will get more responses.

Welcome to the board

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by MWD
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/
http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts
(for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support).
Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active,
and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come!
Most important - POST!

Get out and Get a Life (GAL).

DETACH.


Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:

I would start with the going dark link.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095

Sandi's Rules: A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2380415&page=1

Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414

Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)
(http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2534754&page=1).

Boundaries Cheat Sheet
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096

Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2183063&fpart=1

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

The Lighthouse Story
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619

Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


Me-70, D37,S36
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Thank you so much! Very helpful information here and also is nice to know others go through these things.


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