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#1636081 11/01/08 12:54 AM
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Hi guys. I have been lurking and mostly posting on my friend's. i have really and truly working on me. Working on detaching. Some of it I've done real well and others not.

But the last couple of days I've had a change in my head. I still love him, really I do, but I am dropping the rope. I need to take care of me and try not to concern myself majorly with how messed up his head it.

I have to give a lot of credit to the Divorce Care Group that I've been attending, to my faith, and to my friends. I still believe in DB, but it has more than anything supported my other avenues of support.

This morning I could not sleep (as usual- have not slept well in 5 months.) I woke at 2 am and was still awake at 4:30 am. I sat up in bed at that point and sent my H a text. It said, "I have spent my last sleepless night in a strange place. I am coming home. I am coming home to where I belong."

He didn't get the message at that point because he was asleep. He was still asleep when I got home and crawled into bed with him. I curled up to him and fell fast asleep. I didn't wake up until 7:30 in the morning, long after he'd gone to work.

Oh yeah, I can hear you all now just warming up the 2x4's. But you do not understand. I am home because I want to be home. At this point if he decides to leave I am in my home. I could not exist at my friends any longer. I miss my dog, my house, my space.

YES I missed him, but at this point he can do what he likes. If he decides to go and give up on us it will be his doing. I am doing what I am FOR ME.

Interesting side note> I signed up for a trial membership to match.com. I don't want to meet anyone, just wanted to look. It did make me feel good that 9 people winked at me in one night. Nice to know that somebody looked. Also nice to know that there is a pool of people that aren't half bad to look at.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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hiya kjo..

not a 2x4..just a be careful with the match.com stuff.

and a thought....

if your H moves out, will you have trouble sleeping again? I'm just curious.....

you know i love ya babe....

stay strong girlie...


ME:32 WAW:31
D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2
Together: 13 M:6
Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08
Sep legally: 6/18/08

"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..."
-Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams

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(((Neil))) I might have trouble sleeping, but they have a pill for that. :-)

The match.com stuff was curiosity only. I don't even want to meet anyone for coffee.

I am stronger now than ever.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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Hi Wifey.. long time no see......

Look, I applaud you for moving back in. I believe they should leave if that is their choice anyways.

I don't necessarily think it is dropping the rope, sounds to me like your simply tired and making decisions for you, nothing wrong with that. Did he say anything about you being there?????

The match.com thing.......I will keep this simple, don't even look. You have all the time in the world to look when and if that time comes. For now, today, there is no greener grass anywhere else ok?

I'm glad you posted sweets, I have actually been wondering about ya.....
Ian


M- 48
XW- mentally 17
KIDS- 3- S19, D23, D28
Married- 17 years
Divorce final- 10/16/09

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Hi, Wifey.

Good for you on moving back in. I too think they should be the ones to go if that is their choice. And I'm not even going to 2x4 you on the match.com thing. I too did that. I got several people asking for my pic, but I wasn't doing that! But, the meer act of "looking" just seemed to be a statement to myself that there is other life out there, and that made me feel a little more in control of my own destiny. I even have talked to/lightly flirted with a couple of attractive people I have met. Absolutely nothing serious, but that is something that I had never really done, given that I had been with my H since I was a teenager! It really helped my self esteem.

So, kudos to you, girl!!


TJ

Me45,H49
D24,S18
M26,T28
Bomb 3/19/08
Sep 6/23/08
EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8
3/2009 H moved in w/OW2
7/2009 Let him go w/Love.
8/2009 Legally Sep'd
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I have spent my last sleepless night in a strange place. I am coming home. I am coming home to where I belong.

Wifey,

I pray for you to have the strength to continue this journey with grace and patience, and an unconditional love for your Husband.

You are very brave, and you are dealing with this problem exactly how you should, back at home where you belong.

Sending hugs........I will be praying.

Don't forget to breathe......


There can be no testimony without a test.
I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
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KJO, good to hear from you. You sound stronger. There is no one path to making this work. It's a personal journey for all of us.
Cheers


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
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Wifey..what did your hub say, if anything this morning?

How did you sleep?

Tawnya


Me:39
H:40
D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
One
Two
Three
Four


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((((((Kelly Jo))))))

I don't think there's anything wrong with you going home. He can choose to leave, if he can't handle that. You don't have to decide for him!

I have a feeling most of us have at least looked at match.com, or similar places. Just to see what might be, if the worst happens. Maybe it isn't a great idea, but I'm not sure it is horrible, either!

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(((Everybody that posted & read but didn't post)))

I love you guys!!!!!! Really, we have to have a DB get together in several places around the country so we could meet.

Journaling:

Moving home was about me. I know I felt like a fish out of water the entire two months I lived with my girlfriend. I couldn't sleep without taking something, I didn't bake for 5 months, I hadn't fed my birds since the bomb dropped and my knitting project stayed in its bag not worked on the same length of time.

I just had this overwhelming feeling of enough is enough. He still can take however long to think, to decide, to whatever, but I am not going to be away from my home while he does it. And I guess if he decides that he has to go to do it, then that is ok, too.

We had just gotten to the point that he was calling me and we were meeting for dinner. I took me so long to not call him, but once I went without calling him it got easier. Not that I didn't call at all, but it was mostly related to our son.

But I reached a point that I decided that I was too much in limbo. I made it clear in a card that he needed to let me know where his head was. It was clear that I love him dearly - but that if he didn't want me it would hurt, but I needed to know something. I also let him know that he didn't have to have everything decided, just that he needed to give me some clue where I fit in his life.

As far as coming home - he didn't say a word at first. He had left for work before I woke up the morning I came home. And man I slept really really deeply that morning. I hardly heard him get up I was so sleepy.

I met my son for dinner after work, then went to my friends to get some stuff. I stuffed my car and went home. He knew I was coming.

He hardly talked to me and acted like he was a bit in shock. He was watching a movie when I came in. I kept busy unloading my car and putting things away. When I finished I sat down and watched the movie with him.

He had grabbed his blanket and pillow to be comfortable while he watched the movie. He moved my pillows and blanket & my nightgown to the room I slept in over the summer while he was getting his blanket.

I spent some time on the phone and the computer after the movie. Then I said goodnight. I grabbed my pillows & blanket and went in our bed.

It was funny, he came down the hall when he was done watching tv, brushed his teeth, and then turned on the hallway light. He looked in the bedroom door and saw that I was in bed, sighed and then turned around and slept on the couch. I had a small chuckle to myself, because I slept in the other bedroom July until I moved out in September. I am home and I intend to sleep in my bed.

In the morning I got up at 7:30 in the morning and went on the couch with him. He didn't wake up and just curled up to me. (Many years of habit I guess.) We stayed there until 9:00.

When we woke up he was quiet, and did not say a word really until I asked him a question about something. He answered my question and acted somewhat normal.

We talked about a website I sent him a link to, for a toy hauler. It is a combination rv, toy hauler, & garage.

Then I had to leave for IC.

When I came home he wasn't here and it was fine. I was surprised that I had 2 voice mails from him. One just said call me when you can. The other one I didn't listen to at first. I didn't get the message that was left at 12:25 until after 3. I called him then and he said he was out looking at cars.

He also wanted to let me know that he had gone to work to do some things, and the guys wanted to go see a movie or something and then might have a few drinks. And if he drank he would just stay at his friends rather than try to drive.

I thanked him for letting me know and that I appreciated him doing that. He said if I tried to call later not to get worried if he didn't answer because he would probably have it on vibrate while he was with the guys. I said that was fine, that I wouldn't have a need to call since he let me know so I wouldn't worry.

I took a nap for a while. (It has been a long time since I did that! It was heavenly.) Then I went to the Turkey & Biscuits dinner at a local church. I ran into my 2 adopted grandma's. It was so great to see them. They pray for me and my sitch every day.

After the dinner I went to the store, rented a couple movies, and bought some bird seed, then came home. It is interesting that this is the first time I've filled my feeders since June. Again, the little things are most significant to me I guess.

Right now I'm doing this post, then I have to call a friend back, then I'm going to watch a movie.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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