Husband's Missed Oppotunity #2

[blindsided1]

Last thread

Didn'trealize I was locked up. Can't post - have to take K for a visit with H. I'll be back on later.

[blindsided1]

Okay, only have a moment then I get to go pick up my daughter. Today was not a good day. I have felt really good all week. Today I met H to drop of daughter for his visit. He wanted to keep her until 7:30pm because he was taking her to OW's kids' baseball game this afternoon. That was my trigger. The thought of all of them playing house - with MY daughter. The idea of him having the family, that he stole from me, with her and her kids. I hate him. I hate him for putting me through this. I hate him for making me give my daughter over to that homewrecker. I hate him for making K bounce back and forth between us. Then he says "you're still trying to run my life by telling me when and for how long I can see my daughter." I said, "you chose to leave your family. We had an agreement about custody and you are the only one that keeps changing the rules. You don't even come see her during the week, because your TOO busy. Then you expect to make it up on the weekends by wanting to keep her extra hours. The weekends are my time, too, to spend with her. I work all week, too." I hate this. I cry the whole time she is gone. I miss her. I hate that she is with THAT woman. I hate that THEY get to be a happy little family and he stole that from me and gave it to her.. Not a good day, sorry.

[BeginningAgain]

Don't be sorry. I think what you told him was spot on and very well said. Our WAS's fail to own up to the fact that it is because their decision to violate the M and leave, that our children our forced into a time-rationed existence between their two parents. Whatever our shortcomings were, we stand ready to make corrections and strengthen the R and family. They are the ones who have decided to walk away and tear apart the family.

Stay strong for yourself and your children. Your H will see your strength and respect you more for it.

S4H

[S.T. _I Made It!]

(((B)))

I agree, if what you wrote was exactly what you said and nothing more (and of course said in a calm manner), than I agree it was a fine thing to say also. You've told him several times that if he wants to reevaluate the schedule then you guys could do that. But he hasn't yet, so you can't cater to him, this is his choice and his consequence to deal with. Just don't let him push your button and always stay calm.

definitely make plans that will distract you during these times. It's okay to be sad, but not to dwell, then you'll just get yourself back on the pity road and you'll stop making progress.

you can get back up, you had a great week, you can make this one another great week.

[blindsided1]

Well, have to admit. It's not ALL that I said. I lost my cool - I admit it. I told him that I hated him for making me do this and that K is not HER daughter. We got in an argument. He was pissed off. Then I tried to backtrack and undo it. I apologized for flying off the handle. I just told him that it was really hard for me and just try and understand that. He lightened up a bit, but only a slight bit. Then he was off.

Last night I met him at the place his parents are staying at. He was CRANKY to say the least. He barely said two words to me. I just acted as if nothing had happened earlier. I asked how K was during the day. He didn't stay very long, but the whole time he was there he was texting - blah, blah, blah - their usual.

My BIL told me that H bought a set of golf clubs while OW was out of town - used her credit card. The clubs showed up UPS when she was home and she didn't know that he had bought them and they got in a huge argument. Well, DUH. This is what H does. He spends money - anyones money. I guess H also stood up his brother last week. They had a tee time to play golf and at the last minute, H cancelled so he could go play golf with OW's Dad. BIL was hurt. My SIL said to him, "don't let it bring you down. Your brother isn't loyal to anyone. He isn't even loyal to his own Wife and Child".

H had to go out of town for work today. He was NOT happy about it. I actually felt really bad about the things I said to H yesterday. They weren't horrible. I just think I was more upset with myself than anything.

So, this morning, I texted H to call me when he got a chance because I needed to talk to him about K's baptism. He called right away. We talked for about 20minutes about that and work. He said "let me call you right back" and hung up. I texted him and said "you don't need to call me back. I know you're busy. Have a good day at work. Your daughter will miss you this week." It was kind of my way of ending the conversation and taking back some of the control.

I feel better now that I feel that I took back the control. Sad, isn't it? I DO have control issues. I really need to work on those.

So, I doubt I will hear frm H this week. His Mother asked him how often he sees K and he told her about once a week. She asked him why he would ask for more custody if he can't even manage to see his daughter more than once a week? Ummm maybe because he doesn't want to pay CS?

[Startingover2]

I would stick to a schedule that you have. If he misses his weeknight visits then its his loss. That is a long time on the weekend for you to be away from her.

Get an attorney because he sounds like he is still running the show and it will only get worse.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

thanks for being honest about the convo. I had my suspicions! these are things you've got to learn to control, and I know that you can. just think that whenever you get upset from him, he's got the leash, but you keeping calm gives it to you.

your text back on him calling, I think was good. I think good because it did give you back that control, and I like that you said K will miss him. Don't do it all the time though. just say next time that you'll be busy, you'll talk later.

[Babygirl]

Morning sweetie! another thread huh? lets make this the you are gonna have another good week thread!!
I love the way you texted him, you took total control of the situation!! I am gonna take your lead, and try that!
anxiously awaiting mail today, I really hope my book gets here! it was sent priority, so I have my fingers crossed!
Big hugs my friend!

[blindsided1]

I feel pretty good about the text this morning. At first, I thought, it would be nice to talk somemore. But, then I thought...what if he doesn't call back? Will it bug me? Yes, it probably would have to some degree. So, I just took care of two birds with one stone ...took back control and wasn't going to sit around wondering if he'd call back.

I've regrouped. My in-laws are in town this week, H is out of town this week. I feel kind of a relief that he is out of town. I know that he'll miss his time with K, but I won't be sitting around wondering if he's coming to see her or not.

So, what did you think about the golf clubs. That is sooooooooo him. This is exactly why I took control of the money 1) he let me take control of it because he didn't want to be bothered. 2) We would be broke if he had control of it. However, it is one of the reasons he gave for leaving me - I never let him spend any money. I just socked it away and he had no idea where it went... blah, blah, blah. I'll tell you where it went...... to fertility treatment so we could have a baby and start a family that you ultimately tossed aside.

Why do I want him back, again?

Sometimes I think it would be much more fulfilling to be his friend and feel like everytime he saw me.. he would wonder why he let me go. Aaaah, I'm daydreaming, sorry.

ST & Nik - what are your FB names? Nik - I think I sent you a friends request.

[Babygirl]

ah sweetie, you want him back becuz u love him and havent given up. and trust me, my exH to this day, will honestly say, WHY did I let you go? I just smile and laugh lol!
The golf clubs? I wasnt gonna post that part but you asked, sooo, not trying to get your hopes up BUT if he has that big of prob with money. she will see it. He probably lied to her about that part of his life!
one of the positives about reading the OW's emails to me was when she said she loaned H money to pay MY phone bill, as I had made us broke, Uh duh, its the home line, for our family not my line. I have no access to his money, none zilch, nada! that was one time, I emailed her back and I said I DARE you to say what you typed to me to H and i fwd him your email. he may have said he couldnt pay the bill, but she didnt pay it, my MIL did. and if she did give him money i added, she best look at his new harley duds he just bought lmao!! (ok we charged them, she dont know lol)
oh crap i need to go to my facebook, lol, i dont even know what my name is on there lol!!