I had a "Eureka" moment this morning which is reflected in my new title.
It's like my mind has to drive me crazy before I can move on, like the buzzing of a mosquito in my ear while trying to sleep on a hot summer's night.
Push away how miserable Kevin was, how stuck I was. Just shove all that baggage to the side and what do you have (aside from a minor cardiac arrest and sweat)?
Someone not able to ask for help. Someone not wanting to take responsibility for their feelings and emotions Someone who couldn't, wouldn't look in the mirror. Someone who chose distraction Someone who laid blame on others Someone who would rather run than face himself.
Someone who would leave rather than ask for help.
I've heard: "It's not about me, it's all about him."
I finally 'get': "It's not about me, it's about him not wanting to look inside, to face what's causing, caused this. It's ALL about him."
I am weeping within. The clutched anchor which had seemed like rusted iron is really just baked red dirt. The tears wash over it, eroding the illusion of what I thought, revealing what I 'get'.
I didn't realize my previous thread locked. You'd think your name would turn hot pink and the screen would flash that happened.
Here's my last post:
I would like some honest input about my situation with my spouse.
How do you REALLY perceive me... don't pull any punches.
Gypsy,
Why is it important how WE perceive you? Isn't the real question "How do you all think my WIFE perceives me??" if it is her you're trying to re-attract?
You are just in a low place. You'll come back up. You can do this. Remember, "When in doubt, go out". It does wonders to help relieve your pain when you are reminded that there are wonderful people out there, that life is out there waiting for you to embrace. Really.
You have to let Keven go, for now. Let him have his pain and don't take any blame for his decisions.
Why is it important how WE perceive you? Isn't the real question "How do you all think my husband perceives me??" if it is him you're trying to re-attract?
Dunno, Puppy.. I was feeling out of whack, needy and lost. Hoped to get feedback from folks who'd gotten to know me through posting. Why?
Sometimes things are the most obvious to everyone but the person going through it. It's like having a piece of spinach stuck in your teeth. I can't see it, but others can. With input it can be adjusted.
Or does indifference come after detachment? I have NO idea!!! I know that time really helps. Like we have talked about before, I have had tons of time to get to this place. Your carpet was ripped out from underneath you, while you were standing. It takes a long time to dust yourself off, try to figure out what the heck happened, and then move on.
HUGS!
Let me know how the appt goes. I'll make my appt tomorrow if you make yours...
Crap... I don't want to talk to my lawyer until I finish with the finacial advisor. I guess it can be a work in progress though, right? Everything is fluid.
Okie doke.. There will be strength in numbers. I'll call tomorrow.. face things and move on. How are you choosing the mediator? Have you read any books on the divorce/mediation process?
