UD- i didn't cave to the impatience. started to GAL..read, went to the gym (got out some frustration there), reread some of the 5LL, worked on my paint by numbers thing, watched some TV
so i kept busy.
Ndsmhelp...dude....you can pull it off.
Mrs Smartcookie- we would LOVE to have you as our one of our judges. and you're right, we are all going to stumble...its how we recover that makes all the difference. I think (with some help of course..yours :-)) that i recovered ok....
how about this guys? We list 3-5 goals and how we are going to accomplish these goals. We submit them for approval from the advisors (J3B, Bworl, FG, etc). What do you say?
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
picked up 2d's this morning...W was wearing a very, very attractive dress. I told her several times that she looked good...no real response...then i realized it was the color i liked...i said, you know, it's the color that really looks good on you...and i got a thank you.
i feel sometimes like this is so agonizingly slow......yet, that's a good thing tho.
uh oh. could be one of those days...
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
Neil, You did good to keep persisting. Now stop fortune-telling and filling in the blanks. It was a good interaction. It will not be one of those days.
(((Hugsx2)))
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
i think alot of it was i had to figure out WHY it looked so good on her (besides the fact anything she wears, she makes look good..which, is a word of affirmation thing if i can figure out how to say without it coming across as demeaning..LOL)
and i'm not going to let it be one of those days..it'll be a challenge, but i need to keep my PMA.
got my rubber band snapping already..LOL
i think why i get frustrated is that my 2 primary LL are words of affirmation and physical touch. While the cyber hugs are great, i really could use a hug from my W. just one. a real one. But i can't ask her for one...i'd rather she gave me one of her own volition.
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
I was just reading through some of your posts from the last few days. I would be careful with the whole 5LL thing. It is nice to read up and educate yourself on these things to use possibly when your two are back together but I would shy from using it now aside from regonizing what is a good way in which to communicate with your W (kind of like Michele says in her book, picking the right medium to get the message across). I think if you really try to apply it now then your W will notice but it won't be all good. She will like what you are saying, etc, but it will seem foriegn and wierd to her. Since she has trust issues she might also question in her mind....who is the real Neil, and she might question whether she ever really knew you.
I think I would stick with the DB principals and make it about you. Another book you might consider is Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue.....it is very similar to DB in a lot of ways (basically, he says "you own your R" and you can make a difference. This book is good because it is actually in a work-book format.
Just some thoughts, hang in there and be yourself, your not the bad person you guilt yourself into believing you are.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Twindad... basically, that's why i'm reading the LL. I'm trying to find ways to better communicate with her. I've been pretty consistent with stuff. I jsut am looking for other mediums. I also already have that other book by Dr. Phil. I read alittle bit of it. I got it at the same time as DR, so it went on the back burner for awhile. I might pull itback out after i finish LL.
thanks.
might need you to hit me with a 2x4....LOL...feeling down...
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
Pick that butt back up and get into PMA!!! You did good by making a nice comment. Her lack of reaction probably came from her mind being on something else. Rememeber, she is going through pain and agony, too.
Think of it this way, too. You get to see your W all the time. Can you imagine how hard it would be to make changes for yourself, hoping your W will see them and you only get 1 time a week with that? You've got the chance to do things a little but at a time every day. You know you can make the most of it, so be happy you have that.
I'm up for the goal thing. Only problem is that I suck at making goals. The one I've made for myself was to stop bringing up the R like always and validate. I've done OK so far, but this, to me, is an on-going goal that I don't think has an end. Therefor, it's kind of immeasurable.
Neil....you got it today. You'll be fine. DO something with your abilities, I believe in you.
Me: 30 W: 27 Married: 9/2007 ILUBNILWU: 1/2008 W moved out 5/24/2008 W suicide 8/25/2009
That's cool about the 5LL, My warning was baiscally from the standpoint of anythign you do, make it seem natural...soemtimes I get the feeling that you try to "force" the words of affirmation too much....just my observation from your posts. I remember a couple times where when you used one your W looked at you strange.....subtle is a good approach to use.
Ok 2x4 time....whack....whack.....
Know that we have that out of the way, what have been your interaction with your W in the last week.
Once thing I noticed....this morning about the compliment about the dress.....cheesless tunnel, cheesless tunnel, cheesless tunnel....mentioned the color...cheese
What other interactions have you had, has she asked about you, what have you talked to her about.....
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
LOL.... you know Tdad...i was thinking the same thing about the dress compliment.....i picked this up from smartcookie..that everytime her H made a compliment like i did, she would think he's trying to get in the sack with her (which wasn't the case..he just didn't know how to give a proper compliment) and i did the same thing. I've learned a good lesson today..
other interactions lately....not much. she asked me if i thought the outfit she wore yesterday made her fat..(still values my opinion)...talked about the weekend with the kids....we were going to do dinner with the kids yesterday, but she chagned her midn because she wanted some QT with them..i understood that.. about a week ago she asked how my soccer game was. Basically, she's backed off some since the pool time. BUt our interactions are still good.
UD- i know brother, i know. Look back on my sitch, and you'll see how to set your goals...i've gotten some good advice on how to do that...
still working them out. will list them later today
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
Neil Found your new thread and just wanted to stop in and say hi. Do not have time to tell last nights story, but lets just say I did not read the book.
May have time to go to my thread and post it, maybe not.
I think it was surely a backslide, but my wife started it and we had a fun night....how can I say no to her????
