I don't know if I should be on this borad or not because I'm not leaglly married. I found the sight years ago while going through a divorce and it helped me, so I came back hoping for more help.
My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost a year now, been together for almost two. We are both older (he is 49, I am 44) We live in his home next door to his mother. He also has an 18 year old son that visits.
The problem is that I really don't know if he loves me or not. Several months ago we were on the phone and as we hung up he said "we love you" which he says to his family so I thought it was a mistake. A few weeks later I told him I was falling for him and his reply was "what do you want me to say?" I told him nothing that when he told me I wnated him tomean it. Several weeks passed and we were talking about his ex and I said I wished he could feel about me the way he did about her. He said we neeed to change the subject so feelings didn't get hurt. This was almost a year ago. I should also mention that our relationship began as a long distance one. I moved in with him when I relocated back to my hometown. Looking back I think I may have invited myself.
Anyway, over the last couple of months I have become very clingy and jealous of his mom. I'm insecure about how he feels about me or wants for us. He is currently unemployed (disabled) and his mom pays for his child support in exchange for him working doing things for her. She did pay everything but since I live here I pay the monthy bills. Last week she came over and tore into me about alot of different things but mostly how I"m controlling his life and don't want him to help her. He did take up for me on a couple of things, but in the end said I was controlling because I make doctor appontments and make him keep them.
In my head I know I should leave, but in my heart I want it to work. How do I sopt being so clingy? sorry for all the mispelled words.
For the most part, M or not... this is a great place for support and to work through these tough times...
I think it's great that you've noticed you "invited yourself" into his home... it might shed some light on his reluctance to be more positive towards your future together. Not horrible, no... but certainly he might feel that as continued pressure when he's simply not sure that he wants to commit to you 100%...
As you may have learned from this site in your prior D, the DB work is about us working to better ourselves... regardless of whether we save our Ms...
While I appreciate you want to be with this man, it is probably a good idea to step back a bit and focus on yourself and how life might be great, even if it no longer included him.
This will give him space to think about the R, which may be what he is wanting...
It can also have the benefit of him getting an opportunity to miss you and appreciate the value that you may have in his life.
And as you grow... become an even better person than you already are... he will get an opportunity to choose not to be a fool and loose you from his life...
Time to do a bit of detaching...
Did you ever read the DB or DR books, or simply were on this site. M or not, the books (especially the new one, DR) is very helpful and can provide insights and helpful tips on any emotional R...
If you HAVE read the DR books, what might be some GAL activities you could do to help you detach and give him some space... and what are some 180s that you feel might be helpful... that you think you would like to change about yourself?
