I haven't posted on my own thread for a long long time.
That's because I have a high conflict D and very terrible time.
My D is going to trial and I am in deep trouble. Never mind, that's life.
Nine months of marriage to S and the Giggalo wants big lumps of cash. Big big lumps, he has needs.
It has always been my policy here to be completely open.
I am coping poorly, I skeep little and I work 90 to 100 hours a week.
I am exhausted and really distressed.
The Fin paperwork revealed the Giggalo excesses, he lives in Italy with an ex stripper of Russian extraction! You really can't make this stuff up.
Sorry exotic dancer!
So so sad and so wasteful. He took lumps from his pension and spent it on hotels, gambling, meals and other rubbish.
He has a fake L with no qualifications at all and a Walter Mitton attitude.
In a very V way I am studying high conflict divorces. I intend in a few months to have an extension of the abuse threads on high conflict divorce.
Dear DB friends abuse doesn't stop just because you are NC and D. As long as the abuser has any controlling items they will abuse you further.
The costs are crippling me in this D.
However I am just coping, how I am unsure but I am. Really it's a miracle how I keep coping. I spend no money at all other than that which is essential.
How long I can keep going I am unsure, but its been like this for nearly two years. Knife edge all the time, but I get there!
It must turn around all this effort. It must.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
V, I'm sorry things are still so difficult for you. I would expect in a short marriage that you would each basically leave the M with what you entered with - perhaps splitting any asset growth?
I hope things get resolved for you soon. In recent years (through my D group) I've had contact with a lovely woman who went through a high conflict D. At the time she looked so weighed down with everything - but things did resolve. She got a new place and everything finalised. Last time I saw her, she was transformed. Enjoying her evening, laughter, peace and light....you will get to that stage too.
Your health comes first, so do look after yourself as much as you can during this difficult time.
Xxx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hugs and love from me and Molly, Lady V! I'm so sorry you are dealing with all this, but I have no doubt that you are dealing with it with the utmost class and grace. Hang in there, dear lady, and know that many, many thoughts and prayers are coming your way.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I have really little grasp of why suddenly I change and make a leap.
Faux L owes me lots of cash, lots and lots of work done for her company that was never paid for.
I am pursuing it with the help of a wonderful debt collector who has supported me. Faux L is saying the Giggalo will be her witness saying I fabricated work done. That's a breach of the companies act as he was a director in my company. So if I don't get the cash from faux L I will pursue the Giggalo.
He has also shared my divorce paperwork with Faux L, a breach of marital confidence which is capable of creating damages.
I suddenly feel more powerful.
This isn't a case of creating or fighting. This is direct action.
My higher power has told me I am to stand for me. I am happy to work hard to achieve my goals.
Now I move onwards and upwards. It's what I do best.
I have been abused and I am being abused. Unless I stand unafraid it will continued, so I will stand.
I am determined to make the changes, to be resilient.
This little fat plain Vanilla is angry withat white anger.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
To hear you talk about yourself with such strength and enthusiasm Lady V does my heart good. To see you feel white anger. YAY! it is a celebration, it has taken time and work and shift upon shift. I am happy that you feel it. Please let it energise you and guide your safely. I know you have the insight and grace to let it do so. I salute you Lady V, it was a long time coming but well earned. All my love JellyB xxx
Hey, it's all about 180s right? If what you were doing before wasn't getting him to back down, try something else.
You are already one of the most industrious and motivated people I have met. Can only imagine what you will be like with a little white anger behind you.
Only thing I disagree with is "little, fat, and plain" those are certainly not true and his lies.
Long time, very long time indeed. We are all trying to get a grip on our lives. And I am really sorry this man is such junk.
But, as we all learn here, it's not about them but about us, what we learn through the process and how we come out of it.
Going back to the DB rules. We can't control what they do or say, but we can control us. And even with some ups and downs I see you are controlling your side.
Your situation is very unfair. Besides having to deal with the logistics of a difficult D, there is all bunch of emotions that comes and goes with it.
I know you need to work a lot and there is probably not much energy to use somewhere else. But, I would like to know if there is any support. Like a friend that is willing to listen, or a group therapy once a month at least.
What are you doing to keep your sanity?
What is happening to you is really traumatic and it would be better if you deal with some side effects while dealing with it all.
You know I ignored my childhood traumas for a very long time and mainly I tried to sweep the sexual abuse like it never happen and it all imploded inside myself when things got difficult.
Just know that you are an amazing person, with an amazing head on top of your shoulders. You are strong, decisive and a fighter. But there is just so much a girl can take. So, please let us know what are you doing to get your head from fighting the D and work. It's very important to take care after yourself.
Besides that, if one of these days you feel like coming to America, you are welcome to stay at my house.
V, it's not easy, but I know we will look back one day and feel proud we did our best for ourselves.
