Here I go again on my own...

[Ginger1]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2736773#Post2736773

There is a small chance I may have copied the link from last thread correctly.

Thank you Don. The text thing was F'd up. He apologized and didn't want to do it that way but I asked "is everything ok?" and he said he had to answer. We spoke texted a little today because I did tell him I thought is was crappy to do it via text. I told him had must have had this decision already made he couldn't have done it the day before. He told me he made the decision yesterday when he told me.

He had an exchange and yes, he said he wants someone with no commitments who could have his babies and take last minute vacations. He was also under the impression I didn't want kids, but I told him he was wrong. I never said that.

He told me he loves everything I am and everything I was to him. He says he truly believes if you love something and let it go, if it's meant to be, it will come back. If this wasn't the right decision he says he prays for clarity and forgiveness. He holds dear to his heart everything we shared. He told me is really going to miss me and hopes one day we could be friends.

Don, yes, I keep going in with a wide open heart an it's not benefitting me much. Because the pain is just worse when it ends. I don't know how to do it any other way.

Job, that was a beautiful quote. And I really think it is what is. Maybe my love is too much. But one day someone will love the love I give.

I told him, as an older and wiser person, that he should always shoot for his goals. But I told him my life was supposed to go completely different and it is nothing as I planned. I told him not to kill himself achieving a perfect picture and embrace what life gives you, because we often miss what's right in front of us which can beautiful, even if it wasn't in his plans.

the pain is deep. only 3 months, I know. but I gave a lot as I always do. i'm going to miss him,.

[Georgiabelle]

Hi Ginger,

I am so sorry. I don't have much to add to what Don and Job said but (I've had a couple of mimosas) ....,,,what is up with people ending actual relationships with texts, emails, post-it's? I. Don't. Get. It. It's rude and and to me, reveals a great deal about the party doing it. Kind of my motto if how you can tell a lot about how a person treats animals and the waitstaff.

I think people frequently don't realize that at this stage in life we all have stuff. I suppose it's how we handle our stuff is really what counts. And you know what? As much as it hurts it sounds like he was not a fit for your life.

Higscto you and hang in there.

[Georgiabelle]

Ignore all of the typos please. I'm wearing my readers outside and I blame the sun 😊

[Fogg]

Ginger,

I'm so sorry things ended the way they did. I normally read along but don't comment much and I was happy to see the R progress. It's shitty to have ended over text, you deserved more than that. Don't let this experience ruin things going forward or over think it. I'm sure it hurts but you are enough and there is a lucky guy out there who will embrace the whole package. Don't question that, you are an amazing women with an awesome kid. Sorry it wasn't this guy but it really is his loss.

[Ginger1]

All your posts today have helped me so much. My friends have been there for me, they are reaching out offering to drop everything just to be with me. I am a lucky woman in so many ways.

Fogg, thank you. I need someone who will embrace the whole package. One who finds planning vacation with me and my child is more fulfilling than those last minute trips. One who thinks building a life together with the 3 of us is a magical thing. It's not where he is in life.

My daughter will always be first and foremost. And to love me is to love her and all we come with. I think I really did a great job of balancing being a mom and a girlfriend.

I know the pool is small, but the only person I would consider is someone who wants all of me and my life without hesitation and would embrace it and love it and couldn't imagine their life any other way.

Georgiabelle, thank you. We all do have stuff at this stage. I carry mine like a freakin' warrior, but it wasn't enough. Please have a mimosa for me.

Can you all believe I still have a paper to write?

I did however get my brand new washer and dryer and it is AWESOME!

[JulieH]

Hey just to point some things out...he will eventually learn that,

Most single working people can't just take last minute trips. Thats some weird fantasy.

There is no guarantee that any partner he ends up settling down with will be able to have children. There is no guarantee that he will be able to have children.

Unplanned and uncontrolled events happen in life. So if you meet someone you are compatible with that's more important.

You will be fine ginger. You just need to find someone on your emotional intelligence level. He wasn't there.

Personally, I would love to have the opportunity have more children (even if not my own) in my life. And I'm sure there are guys out there that feel the same.

You have a lot to look forward to.

Let's go to some single events together this summer!

[kml]

Ginger, I'm sorry - that's crappy. And I know it hurts.

I was there like a partner was. But that is not enough

Or maybe it was TOO much? For just three months into dating, that counts like an awful lot of caretaking/ mothering to me.

I get it - I'm a caretaker too. But it's something we need to learn to curb, especially early in a relationship .

Oddly enough, one book I read that was helpful in this regard was Why Men Love Bitches.

But overall - this guy was a douche. Why date a woman with a kid if you feel that way? Sounds like an excuse to me - don't be surprised if it turns out he had another date waiting in the wings.

Do NOT put this on yourself. Your default position is to assume you're not worthy, but in this case, HE was not worthy.

[Ginger1]

Julie,

You are right. There are no guarentees in life at all. My friend's husband's friend is single. He did not want to date a woman with kids. he wanted to build from ground up with a woman like FF. And guess what. he is now 43 and single. He hasn't had those kids, and unless he dates much younger, his pool of single kids with no baggage is very very small now.

I think I might have mentioned on one of my rambling posts that I told him today that I have learned in trying to build the perfect life the way you envision it, you can miss something right in front of your face. Life has no guarentees. You can make something beautiful if you want it enough. I told him to not miss out on what life has to offer because you have a plan.

I actually read that book, KML. Bought after my last breakup. I am a lover, a caretaker, my heart does not know how to love half-assed. My relationships start off strong because I connect with certain people a certain way or I don't connect at all. It's weird.

I am preparing myself for the side chick, although this one I doubt because he still wants to remain in my life. He has never ever stayed friends with an ex, but he wants to be mine so bad.

I do the anti-DB thing and I am wondering if he is hurting. If he's going to miss me. From talking and texting with me from first thing in the morning until night. When we hung out at my house, we didn't watch TV. We talked for hours. Our first date as you all remember we talked until the sun came up and that never ever died down. Now we are cutting it all off. For me right now, I am feeling the pain hardcare. Much harder than I thought I would. I have some anger mixed in there. Because the many moments of joy we had together is still very much alive.

and I am dreading telling D9 tomorrow. I am so dreading it. He helped her with her homework, he taughter how to ride a bike, he got her to overcome many fear (my kid is scared of everything) he came and watched the parents performance at dance school. Took he rout for ice cream, played hop scotch with her. He would hack her ipad and take funny pics. The first thing she always did when she got home and she knew he was over the night before is run to the Ipad to see what pics he left.

It all just [censored] and hurts so bad.

[Ginger1]

and I do try to keep the faith that I will be enough for the right guy.

[DonH]

Of all this, I too feel very, very bad for your D. I know you said that if this did not work out you would not get into an R until she is 18. I really hope that is not the case. You don't need to do that nor should you. But, please, please, please, I'm nearly begging you, please don't put D all in on a new guy until you are more certain and the risk is lower. That means more like a year. While doing it for D, that will also force you to go slower. That's a win-win.

As for FF, it's really not wrong for him to want what he wants. He's young and that's fair for him to want it. What's not right though is to chose someone that does not fit what he wants. If he truly wants someone with no kids, he should never have gotten this far in. That too is part of being a younger guy. To be honest, I don't think you'll find a side chick either. I just think he was giving it a try on a lighter basis than were you. I really think he knew that which is part of why he did not invite you to Easter. He has had these doubts all along. It was how great you are that had him hoping he could change them or overcome them. He now admits he can't.

While i do not think a side chick will appear, I do think he will come back saying he made a mistake. I actually fear it as if it happens it won't be a true turn but rather a short back together before he reconfirms what he said yesterday. No crystal ball here, just my gut feeling. Be ready for it n case it happens.

I have more but for another day. Right now I just can't reaffirm enough this is not about any short coming of you. Not one bit. It's just two people trying it out and seeing if there was a fit. That's called dating.