Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
#2727765 01/29/17 07:30 PM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
J
JujuB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
J
JujuB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
Regarding the topic of happiness, and positive thinking I found this interesting.

I read this from a book written by a non verbal 13 year old autistic boy after he was asked "would you like to be normal"?

This was his response

"I learned that every human being, with or without disabilities, needs to strive to do their best, and by striving for happiness you will arrive at happiness. For us, you see having autism is normal-so we cant know for sure what your normal is even like. But so long as we can learn to love ourselves, I'm not sure how much it matters whether we're normal or autistic"


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
J
JujuB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
I am frustrated. I feel invalidated by everyone around me.

My ex for certain. But i gave up expecting anything more from him.

Now my parents... Who keep insisting that my son's issues are due to his stubborness and rebellious nature and because I do not invite friends over for him to play with. They are educated people. My mom was a teacher, and it is just so scary to me that they cannot comprehend that there is a neurological issue driving everything. They are his care givers and it is frustrating for me to be dependent on them.

They are so old school. I can even imagine my mother as a teacher insisting on her own disciplinary approach with some of her students that had similar issues. I wonder if this is why she is incapable of learning new approaches with my son? Guilt that she was doing it wrong?

I do need to invite friends over for him. My mom is right about that. But i am so so embarrassed by my situation and by my parents home. We live in a area that became more expensive over the years. Many of the people that live here have a lot of money. Truth be told, I am so embarrassed to have them see my parents home.

It is clean but disorganized and chaotic. Things go unfixed. They use lawn furniture in replace of living room furniture because of the cat. They do not care what others think and they don't even understand social norms. (My ex quite accurately described my parents as being from another planet. He was not exaggerating) It reflects and i do admire that about them. But at the same time these things do matter in the real world of social conventions/etiquette etc.

I know that none of this should matter. It would never matter to me as long as his friends were good people. But I know how people are and I do not want to be looked down upon. I feel like him and I are such outsiders already.

I am rambling now. I know it.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 986
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 986
Hey JujuB, and that sums up totally why I loved working with families who had children with special health and disability needs, opens your eyes wide open to a world you could never see without it. Gotta love our fellow humans on the Spectrum!!!

Take care.

JellyBxxx

Last edited by job; 02/02/17 10:27 AM. Reason: Removed name.
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
J
JujuB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
Thanks Jelly.

As you can see by my posts, I am struggling with accepting that role of outsider, and finding happiness with one's own circumstances.

Truth is, I like people that are not cookie cutter and that do not come from cookie cut backgrounds. I find them more relateable and interesting and soulful.

But for some reason there is a part of me that wants to be cookie cutter. Maybe no one really is and i just think they are and thus shun getting out there and socializing for my son's sake? I struggle with the thought that you have to be perfect for acceptance..even though i rationally know its ridiculous.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
J
JujuB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: JellyB
Hey JujuB, and that sums up totally why I loved working with families who had children with special health and disability needs, opens your eyes wide open to a world you could never see without it. Gotta love our fellow humans on the Spectrum!!!

Take care.

JellyBxxx


From a PT stand point, while I mostly treat orthopedic patients there is something very special about working with that patient that has grown up with special health and disability needs. It is always a priveledge to work with and learn from them. They rarely complain!

Last edited by job; 02/02/17 10:28 AM. Reason: Removed name.

M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
J
JujuB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,866
Likes: 1
I am starting to think about switching my field to working with pediatrics. It would be completely different. I would need new courses, mentoring etc. It would be Lots of neuro. But I am learning it any way for my son. An advantage is that it would be one on one which is nice. Hmm

Not sure though, as it would most likely require plenty of after school hours.

Sorry more rambling. I need to get stuff done.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
Can I tell you the truth about something? My home is decently kept, but it can be messy sometimes. Other times it could be very messy. When I send my kid over to a house for a play date that is messier than mine, I feel RELIEF! The messier or not cookie cutter on the other end, the better I feel about not having a perfect place myself! My best friend lives in one of the largest homes in town. it is PERFECTLY kept. That has actually made the other moms feel more uncomfortable about sending their kids over, believe it or not.

So relax. There is no such thing as perfection. There is also no such things as cookie-cutter. Have a play-date, you would be surprised.

Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 986
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 986
JujuB,

You and your family are entering a new world of diagnosis and specialists and interventions. This is a big learning curve for all of you. Any diagnosis be it physical health, mental health or disability, doesn't happen to one individual, it happens to a family. And as with most big events in life, people go through their change process. I think our parents (and likely us too when we get there) are at the age of less adaptability and flexibility in their thinking and attitude. I have seen it time again with parents and grandparents, the struggle to come to terms with difference. Life conditions us to expect things to be a certain way, and we are super comfortable knowing that we have expertise to respond to a situation because well, life has always shown up in a certain way.

Well life hasn't shown up in the expected way just now. Most people's response to change and the unexpected, is to do what you know. Try and fit a square peg into a round hole, and we will push and shove it in as much as we can, likely hurting ourselves or breaking the peg in the process.

It takes time JujuB for everyone in your son's life to figure out what his diagnosis means to them. But what people fail to realize, is you son is who he is, regardless of the diagnosis, all his family and friends would have had to learn to know him, and his traits and quirks, because quite frankly we all have them. Your son and you are just fortunate or unfortunate enough to have a few of them identified in book. Like your son, I experience the world around me as a challenging place to be due to anxiety. But you know what , those that know me understand me, but those that know me don't understand me. How human is that!!

I guess what I am trying to say JujuB. Your parents will get there, at some point they will accept your lovely boy as he is and not as they want or expect him to be, or alternatively they won't. But what I fundamentally believe is that even without the diagnosis, that may have been the case. They may never have accepted him just as he is even if he didn't have his diagnosis. Grandparents and parents love their children, but lets face it, you likely didn't turn out how your parents wanted you to either, and you don't have a diagnosis, and you still feel loved and supported right?

JujuB, your situation is challenging, living with your parents, with your son, whom your parents don't understand. That is no easy thing. I can only imagine that you feel trapped with little view of the future except that it is going to keep looking like this for some time. I have 101 suggestions about alternatives ways of looking at things and actions about your living situation. But I feel right now, you are in place of grief and loss, and that needs to be honored. You have some immediate tasks ahead of you rallying your super team for your son and getting the D done.

Your parents and a new home, and the beginnings of a new life, can wait. The new and great things that are awaiting you are not going anywhere JujuB. When you are ready they will come.


Much Love

JellyBxxx

Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,432
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,432
Hi JujuB,

I have no advice to give but just to let you that I'm thinking of you.
Look after yourself and your lovely boy.
Take care my friend.

Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard