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ridnic Offline OP
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And the person I am talking about, all what we have ever done is kiss and snuggled a few times and that first kiss took about 14 times of going out and doing things together. We have been talking to each other for about 5 months now. She has vented to me a lot thru text but I have never seen her cry in person. She once told me "no matter how bad my day is going, I know within a couple of minutes of being around you I will be laughing". There have been a lot of things said that made me believe this was going somewhere great, but then I have to think that she really just isnt ready for someone.

She said the other day that she likes me, misses me, thinks about me but has too many wounds that need healed and needs help. That she can just sit there and think about the past and start crying. That she gets mixed emotions cause of what she has gone thru and still goes thru. Before she has said she doesnt want to get close and have somebody leave her and her kids again. The last 2 guys that she has had long term relationships with, (the first one gave her two kids and he is gone behind bars for most of his life now), have really done a number to her. Think they both have done stuff that no man should do, cause like I told her, I think the world of her and is just the sweetest and most beautiful thing just like her parents and has a really nice family and I can sense where she gets it from. Ask her though and she says "oh i can be mean". I know she probably could, but I know I have seen worse and dealt with worse and hopefully all that I have been through I know how to deal with it before it gets to be a problem.

We both have a made it a point to each other how there is never a dull moment whenever and whereever we got out. There have been a few nights that we have had so much fun just talking and having a few drinks and or fishing that it has been an all night deal until I have to go to work in the morning or just get a couple hours of sleep before work. One day I called in since we both partyed a lil too much the night before on a Sunday and hung out all day and watched tv.

So that is just a part of everything. I wonder what to do. I think the just be her friend and see where it goes is what I should do, but is that going to hurt me in the long run? How often do I check up on her without being pushy or feeling like I bother her. I have asked a couple of times if I bother her and the first time I asked, thats when I thought there was a turning point and we started to get closer and the first kiss happened not much longer after that.

I know from here and experience, if you push, that just pushes them farther away. Maybe I am hurt cause my expectations were to high although I tried my damnest to not let them because you just set yourself up for failure when you do so. Just when things are said and when you get introduced saying that you are going to be around, thats what hurts when I thought it was true. Not degrading her one bit cause honestly I dont think she meant for me to be this way and I am not going to show her I am this way.

I have been around her kids a few times, meet and hung out with her and her parents. She has only met my dad and not my kids nor my mom but we talk about our kids to each other quite a bit. Although I am in a "funk", it isnt as bad as the lasttime I was. Really like this girl and I got the same from her. Heck, I asked her once "we arent related are we?" cause stuff was just too weird at times about how our way of thinking and doins matched up and her respond was "i sure hope not cause I like you too much".


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Much of what you say rings true about my situation with a lady I've been seeing. Similar time period of dating, taking a while to get to the first kiss, not taking it much deeper and the "are we related" feelings. Heck, she and I even have the same first name and work with computers (she's a web master and I am a systems programmer). However, mine was not burnt by prior R's - she is in a funk with her finances, job and her health. I think she was the one to end all her prior relationships.

I've decided just this week to put myself back in the dating buffet line. If this lady gets out of her funk, then I will leave it up to her to move towards me. But I am not putting my life into a funk hoping that the deep connection ever comes.

Just remember, if you draw away, it can cause a natural curiosity and attraction on the other side. And if it does, just make sure that you dont get back into the state where you are hoping for more and she is still not ready.

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ridnic Offline OP
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Finances and job same for her also. Feels like she isnt doing all that she could for her kids. I listen to her and acknowledge everything, dont try to offer solutions, just assure her it isnt her fault and in time will all be better and that she is doing what she can with what she has.

My thing lately has been she knows I would like to do things with her. So on that note, I try to stay back and let her contact me for whatever reason she wishes. Let her pursue me if and when she wants. And yes, cant hope for more. Thanks for the input.


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Just remember to not lower your bar and to not try to be too much of a rescuer. That could be some of why you are attracted to her - you want to be there to get her life on good footing and so she can be happy.

With time, her emotional wounds may heal. But by then, it may be too late for her because you may have decided to move on.

Dating and love is a many splended and confusing thing.


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