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Joined: Jan 2008
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Hi all. I have spent the last 4 months over in the Separated forum. I realize my sitch was much, much shorter than most, and I have tremendous respect for those who are into this for such long periods.

Near the end of our separation, I had reached the point where I was OK with it, and had decided to move forward with my life, for me. I had 'released' my W from feeling any obligation to return home, and she had released me; in fact she told me to please start dating other women!

However, for whatever reason, a lot of thoughts and perceptions suddenly gelled for her one afternoon, and she suddenly asked herself "what the hell am I doing?"

That evening, she called me, crying, and asked if she could come home.

That was a week and a half ago, and we are so happy, and so incredibly great together. No rose-coloured glasses here, just reality - we are talking about this, not all the time, just casually as it comes up.

We are giving each other space, and we are enjoying our new marriage to the utmost.

She had fallen out of love with me, told me in plain English that "she did not see me in her future".

She says "I Love You" to me every day now, and we are definitely in each other's futures.

I am here to say, that even when it looks bleak, it can still work out for the best.

Here is my story:
Thread #1
Thread #2
Thread #3
Thread #4
Thread #5
Thread #6
Thread #7
Thread #8
She wants to come home!


Me: 54
Her: 50 and sexy as hell
M: 32yrs
T: 34yrs
Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection"
Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire"
She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08!
Everything's GREAT!
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I get the warm fuzzies with your sitch. Even if mine doesn't turn out like yours, you give people hope. \:\)


Me: 42/H: 37
T: 10 years/M: 8
D9, S8
Bomb: 7.23.07
Separated: 1.20.08
D Final 3.19.09
Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09

My life is good.
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Nine threads ... ending with "She wants to come home"! I think that says it all. Yes, patience is so important (and so incredibly hard)!

Congrats and welcome to piecing!

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Minkerman,

I have been reading your posts - you are definetly giving me hope. Don't know how you did it, I can only hope it is four months, but am afraid she may never come back to our R. Please keep posting, you are amazing and just a vision of a rock.

CBK


M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19
Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16
Divorce final 10/09
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Oh my gosh MM!!! You are in piecing now!!! You are giving me goosebumps and making my stumach churn with that unbelievably awesome feeling of WOW... Look what you did!!!

Keep us *posted*

(((((MM))))))
T

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Congrats ! I'm very happy for you.


M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months
4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10
I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
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So this morning she was very tired (long, hard 10 days for her at work) and consequently she was quiet.

I found it interesting that I find myself thinking she is quiet for "other reasons".

I have to force myself to think of the positives that have just happened. For instance, when she moved out in December, she had to give up her parking spot in our building. Well, last week she put up a notice in the lobby requesting to rent one from any other residents who might have one available. Last night a fellow called, and she answered. Turns out he has a spot available. How long will she need it, he asks. "Oh, as long as my husband and I live here", she said, "probably a few months at least" (we might sell after the summer). I was sitting right beside her. I smiled inside when she said that. She could have said, let's just pay month-by-month. So that's a positive.

Over the years I have not been much of a kisser. Recently, I have changed my tune, and I really enjoy it now. So, I leaned over and kissed her very softly last night for no reason...she smiled and said "where have you been all this time?"

Also, she said ILY when I left for work this morning.

I need to realize that coming back to the marriage took a ton of courage for her - she had given up on us. I hadn't. Therefore, I need to take things R E A L L Y - R E A L L Y - S L O W L Y.....

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As I suspected, the problem was all in my head. All is well!

I went out to dinner with friends last night (was planned weeks ago), and coincidentally she did too. After dinner, I called W and asked if she'd like to leave her car at her friend's place and we could drive home together. "Sure", she said, "come on over for a visit with <her friend> and we can drive home after that".

We ended up having a nice visit with her friend, then we went home...I was treated to a couple of hugs and kisses at stoplights.

I drove her back to her car this morning and we both went to work.

She said she is really looking forward to the weekend; we are going to finish putting all her stuff away in our apartment, then we are going on a harbor cruise, then to the aquarium...tourists in our own city.

I am putting virtually no romantic pressure on her, I am just being affectionate without going obviously overboard. So far, so good.

As I kept reminding myself while in the "Separated" forum - this is not a sprint, it's a marathon!!

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Mink well done \:\)

You are right about not getting too worried if she goes quiet , could be many reasons. Show your support but avoid the " whats wrong ??" .

What you need to do is as it has been all along , how you behaved while separated is your blue print for the future. Its what attracted her back its what will keep her with you.

My sitch has crashed and burned a bit , when I have time I will update my thread.

Take care

Dave


Me 47
W 44
3 kids
Bomb Dec 06
Seperated July 07

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Hi Mink,

Just wanted to stop by and see how things are going. It sounds really great to me. You've done such a good job keeping balanced in all this. I've been thinking of you and your W. and sitch lately and it is heart-warming to read a story of reconnection. Yes, it has taken a lot for your W. to come back. And it has taken a tremendous amount of love and holding a space from you.

I wish you both continued going forward in this direction. Well done to both of you.

Purr

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