Well had a lovely drink with a friends last night. Took my mind off things for a little while as I've had an awful couple of days.
Still woke up feeling crappy but atleast last night was nice. Kids are back today. Trying really hard to dumb down the hurt of h brother and sil going for a meal with h and ow. Can't understand his family. Can't believe how they can condone his actions and actually sit in a room with ow.
Twinmom how long did your h live with ow? H sounds like he's trying to normalise everything . The whole thing is just bizarre.
I know it's hard Mia but there is nothing you can do with H's bro and SIL going to see him. They still are his family, my SIL said she wouldn't want to do nothing with her brother, he contacted her and now she gives me the silent treatment. I understand as even if my siblings were doing this to their partners, they still would be my siblings.
I think you are on the right track but I feel you are expecting things in a certain way. One thing I have learnt here is to have no expectations, so I won't get disappointed. You need to stop thinking about your situation as it only keeps the pain and hurt raw. I'm not very good at it but there are some days when the pain is weak and others when it's strong.I'm learning to accept it.
One advice my IC gave me was when I start to think in a negative way, is to think straight away about sometimes that makes me laugh. It was hard at the beginning but by doing this we are trying to break the vicious circle. I alo have a book I carry with me, so I tend to read it when I'm down.
It's easy for our H because they have checked out way way before us, and that's why it's so hard for us. I believe time is a healer. Take each day as it comes.
I think because he doesn't admit it it's hard. In his head talking to another woman behind my back, leaving then 6 months later moving in with her is a coincidence. Have I got it wrong?
He's just moved onto another life and talks about ow daughter so fondly. It hurts and I wish that feeling would go away .
Yes I think so many WAS/MLCers say the A isn't the main thing and it is the loss of feelings for us. They don't see that they are in affair fog (because they are the ones in the fog!) And that doesn't change until the fog starts to clear.
Quite what he admits to at this point is secondary I think. Because having convos about what did and didn't happen and when isn't going to be productive IMHO. At this point, it is best to step back and give some space and time for this to unfold. Try and take the focus off him and put it on to you more - I know it's hard & we've all been there, but truly it does help. Can you post a little more about yourself and tell us some more about what you are doing for yourself at this time? I would love to see a post all about you as you are the bit you do get to control.
Take care, and I hope this week is a better one for you xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi, I am so tired of feeling so low. The thing is I don't do anything. I just dwell. We had another text altercation yesterday as the kids have got knits and I felt all he was bothered about was ows daughter. I know is shouldn't have got dragged in but can't help it. How can he be so heartless toward me. It's like he's replaced me and the kids with ow and d.
About me, well I'm a teacher so on hols at mo ( so too much time to dwell) . Kids are still asleep. I talk to friends I suppose but am trying to limit that as they will get sick of me.
Just had a look at some recordings h posted when we went on holiday August 2014. Makes me so sad that the kids were laughing, I was laughing, h was laughing then a year later he walks out. Can't bear it
What you are doing is focusing on those things you can't control - his choice to be in a R with someone else just now. From experience, I'm telling you that this just pulls you into a dark pit.
What you need to start doing is things for you. When I look back, I see myself as having clawed my way out of that dark pit - and it was hard to do and I am proud that I did it. It started with me learning that I truly didn't get to decide about 'us' and he wasn't coming back right now - everything had changed. So, I needed to start doing some things for me.
So, you are on holiday and now is the ideal time to start. Here's what I would like you to do. Go out today and buy yourself the prettiest little notebook you can find. I have an A5 notebook with birds and exotic flowers on the cover. Sit down with that lovely notebook and on the first page write down a single goal for yourself. And when a second goal comes to mind, pop that down on another page, and a third and so on.
Now then, the only rule about these goals is they must all be about you and how you are going to survive and hopefully thrive - whatever your H may do. The goals may be about your health, you as a parent, your work, your home, your growth, fitness, your finances, things you want to do, places you want to go - it doesn't really matter - only that they must be all about you.
I have around 20 goals - and just to give you some examples:
Join a gym - do the induction and go 2/3x per week Meditate at least 3x per week Buy a little journal and practice gratitude daily Buy a new car - exactly the car I want Visit an author's birthplace this year Cherish my M&D in their later years and be involved in Mum's care Survive this D emotionally intact and happy.
Can you do this for yourself do you think? I promise you, this road will truly help you but you do need to start doing things just for you. It may feel daunting, but baby steps are the way to go and it is the direction of travel that is important. Please trust me on this. I was where you are just 18 months ago and it is this that has helped me through.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'll try, am just so down. It doesn't help that I'm so tired. I've blocked his number again as I'm tired of getting arsey texts. He acts like he hates me. Has absolutely no feeling for me what so ever, as if he hadn't spent 20 years of his life with...it doesn't matter.
I understand Mia. A couple of things are happening here, that you can change and may improve things and I only have your best interests at heart as someone who is a little further along this path that we never chose.
Firstly, you and he appear to be locked in a dance of conflict at the moment. If you are able to interact with him in a minimal, neutral and pleasant way, that will help diffuse things. It does take two to perpetuate that dynamic, so you can change that. Do it for your own sanity, for the kids and also do it in hope of restoring your marriage at some possible future point.
Secondly, I understand you are down and tired. Please do more than try, and take a baby step forward for yourself - nothing to do with him - only a tiny step in the right direction in a difficult situation. I have faith in your ability to reclaim your personal power here - even though you are down and tired.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Please remember that how things are may not be how they will always be. However, please leave him/her be for now. He feels like this now, but he may not always. He is in the infatuation stage of 'luv' and the shine will tarnish in time.
I'm going to gently point out that any time I encourage focusing on you, you are straight back to him. In truth, I'm not interested in him - or her - they are nothing to me. You, however are posting on the same forum as me, are in pain and hope to get through this somehow. Please do start to try and follow the advice you are receiving. Truly it offers you the best chance to get through this with your health and sanity intact - whatever he may be up to.
Now, what baby step will you take for yourself today? Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
