Well, I have been reading along on a number of threads, and I have reached a place in my own situation where increasingly it makes me laugh more than it makes me cry.
Yes, it has been hurtful, very, and financially a bit of a disaster. And I agree that mostly we can simply pray for them, but let's not forget in all of this that they can be pretty funny [unintentionally].
And so I am in a new phase when I think of him as a sort of cartoon character or pantomime character, all swirling capes, and appearing and disappearing with flashes and bangs. Two dimensional, and like most demon kings, not hugely empathetic.
I am not calling my h bad names here - I loved him dearly, respect who is was and what he tried to do as a husband and father before all of this overtook him, but sometimes you just have to laugh . . . . .
It might help anyone at a difficult time to think of their MLC as over the top, hopelessly dramatic and self dramatizing, and frankly a bit of a cardboard cut out.
Funny, because I have been seeing my H differently. He grew an absurd goatee, which makes him look older and frankly, a bit silly. He always had a strong chin, anyway...... not doing himself any favors!
My sister now calls him Col Sanders, because it is mostly gray/white hair.....
But yes, it is like a cardboard cut out!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Oh, mine went the other way, i.e., dyed his hair and his mustache...for his complexion color, the dye was a bit too dark.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have to put some thought into this--I don't have a character in mind automatically to represent my XH--but I really just like the idea of seeing them as a caricature, a figure in some crazy MLC graphic novel, "MLC-Man!" "He goes from sweet as pie to raging angry SOB in a matter of days!" "He's got the power to change his form at a moment's notice!" "He's got a sad sidekick called OW who leeches out his goodness!!"
LOL. It writes itself, really.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Cyrena was the one who likened an MLC'er to the Beast in Beauty and the Beast. And just like the princess in the story, we have to hold the Beasts hands as he goes through his angst, his beastly tantrums, until he emerges on the other side as the prince.
But in real life - my H on the other hand really improved his looks a lot during the crisis. He obviously was one of those who did not want to face his getting into middle age and wanted to look young,so he lost weight, put on muscle, started to dress nicely, and over all, looked really good. Now that is one thing I would want him to keep, post MLC! Its helps to have a good looking spouse if you want to fall for him all over again!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
angel, Yes, it would be nice if your h can retain/maintain his good looks, but as the old saying goes, looks are only skin deep. Let's hope that the mlcers that look youthful at the end of their crisis not only retain/maintain their good looks, but that they also come out as mature individuals who are now ready to go forth and serve as mentors and provided guidance to others along the way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Mine has now slicked back his hair and it does look darker. He grows a beard then shaves the beard / grows the beard then shaves the beard. Weight goes up and down. But he makes it clear that being rid of me is worth the sacrifice of everything else.
Doesn't make him look good:)
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
