Losing hope fast!

[golf mom]

I met with an attorney today since my husband is pushing for divorce. Which 180 techniques work best in this situation? I totally lost my cool with him today, but that is a 180 from the kind and compassionate person I've been. I've asked him to leave me alone. Is it too late???

[dl443322]

Sweetie, take a breath. You will be ok.

It's best to stick to one thread so that we know all your information.

It's also best to not think of the steps in DR as tactics because if you do, they will backfire.

Generally the people on here feel that you should do nothing to assist your h in the divorce HE wants.

That said, you should also not fight him. That just makes them dig in deeper.

Even if he files, that is not a guarantee that you will be divorced. A whole lot can happen in between.

So, in the meantime, you need to figure a few things out. Good for you that you met with an attorney to find out information.

Protecting yourself and your children financially is very important.

As for your h, right now he sees you as the enemy and the reason he is so unhappy. He thinks if he gets you out of the picture, then he'll be happy.

The truth is, the only way for him to find happiness is to look within. But at this point, that aint gonna happen.

Get out of his head because it's crazy up in there.

Take care of you. Make sure you rest, eat, take walks or exercise in some way, pray if you are so inclined.

Remember this has very little to do with you. I know that sounds crazy but it's true.

Your h is broken right now. And only he can fix him.

So, think about the things that you feel need changing about you. Work on those.

It's best to stay out of his way. If you dont, he will feel that you are not hearing him and he will get angry.

I know it's hard, but, try not to lose your cool with him.

You want him to see you as calm and confident. You want him to feel that he is being heard.

You can do this.

[golf mom]

Thanks for the reply, Brookie. I needed those reminders. I'm sorry about the jumping around. I'm new to all of this and learning as I go. I have been busy working on me and was feeling pretty good until the papers showed up on my porch today. I really was hoping that my H would back off and continue his MLC journey. All of the sudden he went from not wanting to even file for legal separation to let's hurry up and get this divorce started. He keeps saying there is no OW just that after three months of separation he doesn't feel differently and doesn't anticipate changing his mind so why wait. However in his letter today he said we can always stop the the proceeding later if we choose to. Is this just all MLC craziness?

[needgrace]

I read your note as well Brookie. I have been feeling much like golf mom today and it really helps to know both that I am not alone and that there is so much wisdom on this site. All the best to you both and thanks for sharing your journeys.

[sunshinelewis]

So sorry u are here but there are many good people here with wonderful advice to help u.
My ex said the same thing...."We can always get remarried"

Brookie why do you suppose they say this?
Is it just something to calm the lbs? Something to make us go along with it?