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AndrewP Offline OP
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I thought I'd start a new thread since the old was was pretty much full. Nothing much to read unless you're playing along on the home game. Just some of the usual long rambley stuff. It's pretty quiet here.

Prior thread - Verse 2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2768482&page=1

I'm getting the feeling that this story is coming to a close soon. S23 told me today that his mother will be coming by later next week for the last of her stuff. I think that the process of his parents splitting is a black box to him that he doesn't understand. I don't try to enlighten him much beyond saying "I've got to do lawyer stuff" when I go off for that or letting him know that the insurance policies will be changing and that I'll give him the details later. He's giving me some hassles about us needing to toss some stuff that he feels isn't needed any more. He is confused I think with my comments that I don't want to dispose of anything until the final walk-through by his mother is done. There are a few things that will be going - some old furniture etc but it might wait until spring when I can put it on the side of the road with a free sign on it. Easier than taking it to the landfill and certainly cheaper.

Tomorrow is American Thanksgiving. There's no indication that D25 in Virginia will be getting a visit from her mother. This will mark 2 full years since she's seen her. Just like with so many things here - I really just don't understand. I could go into a long analysis but it really doesn't matter. Add to that the fact that I really truly don't know what is going on as well.

As far as STBX goes, there's been no direct interaction since the last lawyer meeting. She did electronically pick up her first spousal payment shortly after she dropped off S23 last Wednesday which based on the timing implies that she is living in her apartment in the next village over and not with OM. From those who are watching her social media for me there isn't any real indication of anything, nor anything through the village grape-vine. I made sure to record both the details of the payment and her acceptance of it. I think I can safely presume that things are going to proceed according to plan at this point with the divorce then being filed some time in December. I'm still going to "keep my powder dry" though just in case things fall off the rails. I've read too many stories of that happening to not be careful myself.

I do wonder from time to time if she and her guy are indeed still a thing. One thing I've read a lot of especially in the case of a "wayward woman" is that the person that they first run off with often isn't the person that they end up with. She still hasn't been open in any way that I could have heard of about him. In this area though she would have a hard time finding someone nearly as "qualified" to give her the life she would like as the guy she has been seeing. As startling as this would be to the AndrewP of November 2016, I have no interest in being her Plan B. I've actually had a number of disturbing dreams on the subject in recent weeks. After 2 years without any sort of commitment her dreams of a Fairy Princess Land may well be dust. There is no way for me to know for sure and it doesn't affect me once the agreement is signed.

I had an interesting interaction with "Twenty Something" earlier today. I got a Snapchat from her after I posted one about cleaning my tea-pots at lunch (yes I'm that exciting) where she was complaining about money problems. I expressed some sympathy and joked that she perhaps needed to quickly marry and then divorce a middle-aged man with money. I also made some comments about having been in a similar tight money position in the past and sympathizing on how hard it was. I didn't offer to loan her money which perhaps was her hope. She didn't ask either.

This sort of leads in to a conversation I had with a good friend over dinner last night. We were talking about things I need to avoid if/when I start dating. He agreed that people who need rescuing are on that list.

When I picked up the mail I had an odd conversation with one of the owners of the shop / one of STBX's bosses. She was looking for some computerish type help and I had assisted in the past in exchange for fresh baking or because my spouse of the time had asked. I don't generally help people with their computers - it creates a weird cycle of dependency that rarely ends well. With some awkwardness I answered her questions pointing her first to her own employee - my STBX who could perhaps help. I got a very dismissive response to that suggestion which quite surprised me. She used to be quite the star employee and was a good personal friend to the owners. It's nice that I've been able to maintain a good relationship myself with the store owners who are also neighbours despite everything that has gone on. The owner's son does tech stuff though and all of my comments jived with what he said and I suggested that he would perhaps be the best person to assist and I think she's going to go that way.

When I picked up the mail, my plane tickets and hotel reservations for a week in Cuba in early February were in there. I'm really looking forward to that trip which will be my first solo adventure of that sort. Some friends are joking with me that I may meet someone on the beach or hook up with a local. The later sort of thing is trouble I don't need. Usually I'd be all excited about this on social media but am keeping this under my hat until all of the marital legal paperwork is out of the way.

Well - enough for now. S23 is going to broil us up a couple of steaks for dinner which should be nice. I expect that it will be me doing the dishes as usual.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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I would think at age 23, s would understand what is going on. Why do you think it is a black box to him? By the way, I think it’s awesome that he chooses to live with you. It says a lot. Sad your stbx has cut herself off from her daughter but nothing you can do...


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Gordie - Thanks for the visit and the question.

I think that S23 really doesn't know how to react / what to think about what is going on. He's always been close to his mother and has a similar personality. He knows the peripheral things. His mother has told him she was leaving to be happy and he knows that hurt me quite badly. He loves us both. There's an innate conflict I think in that where someone he loves is being hurt by someone he loves. He doesn't understand the underlying motivations. Heck "I" don't understand the underlying motivations. The best I can do is to not have him be a pawn and both he and his sister have made it very clear to me that they will not "take sides". I did teach my son to love, respect and cherish all women, especially his mother. He does me proud.

As to why he's living here with me, it may be more practical considerations than otherwise. This is the house he grew up in. There's lots of room. There's minimal drama and certainly no other person coming around.

WRT my daughter. I'd be reluctant to say that my STBX has "cut herself off". I fully expect that they talk / communicate regularly. D25 did mention once that it was very "superficial" which doesn't surprise me. As to why my STBX hasn't made the 14 hour drive - well - it's easy to find reasons to not do things and perhaps she is concerned about having to explain herself upon arrival.

Just like you, and like I was advised - sometimes rather forcefully here - the kids are not tools for us to use against the other parent. It is sad that they are collateral damage to what is going on and the best we can do is to try to be the "sane parent".


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Lovely Andrew. All i can express is my sympathy and love, i know exactly how you feel. And i know how hard it can be sometimes not to let the children see your anger or your own thoughts towards the stbx. I think you are doing an amazing job with them and at plodding on yourself.

It makes me so happy to see you have a trip planned. A little adventure can be just the ticket to boost your mood and help you regain focus.

I wouldn’t sell yourself short on your son living with you for practical reasons. No matter how old we get, we still look towards our parents for guidance and stability. He has seen you handle yourself well, rebuild yourself. You’ve taught him great life lessons in keeping classy and respecting women.

I for one think you are amazing my dear.

Last edited by job; 11/28/17 12:58 AM. Reason: added spaces between paragraphs

Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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AndrewP Offline OP
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It's signed.

She has 20 days to submit the divorce filing.

Feeling very very weird.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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(Cwtch) for you Andrew. I can't imagine how hard this is for you.

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Just coming out of my hiatus to give you a big hug AP. Deep breath and forward... (((AP)))


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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Andrew,

I'm sorry. I know for myself that when it happens it will still hurt even when I think I want it. Transitions are hard.

You've come so far. Once you cross that line, the bad stuff is behind you and you get to move forward for yourself.

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job Offline
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Andrew,

I'm so sorry, but at least she has signed the document and at some point you can focus on the next chapter of your life.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Not an easy process!
Big hug for you Andrew!
If we lived closer, i would deliver the biggest pie you have ever seen and i would eat it with you for hours.. ((( )))

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