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I was just perusing through and missing some old friends. It's been a long, long time since I have posted. Seeing Mighty's post on Heather's thread inspired me!

Quick update for those who may remember me smile

After my D was final in April of 2015, I moved into a new house in the same neighborhood to keep my kids in their school. One month after moving, I was laid off from my Oil and Gas job!! But then, I was so lucky, and I found the best job ever!

2 of my 4 kids that were still at home did really well in school. One of my adult S(then 19) moved back home for a few months and enlisted in the Army, so now both twins are on their own and finding their own way. They seem to love it.

College search for S#3 brought us to a new state in the pacific NW, and we just fell in love with the area! After much consideration, several visits, and research, we packed up and moved across the country.

It was a tough decision, but honestly, I was still suffering from PTSD with some anxiety and depression. All of the surroundings in our old metro area were triggers for me. I felt as though I had healed as much as I could, but the environment was a daily reminder of a life I once had.

I was doing well overall, but crying every day on my way to and from work. Who cries all the way to the best job ever? Me.

I just didn't want to live like that. I didn't like the pain. I didn't like my outlook on life. I started feeling bitter and angry. I didn't like who I was. I felt myself sinking, and feeling stuck. I felt like I had to shake things up for myself and hit the reset button. And since none of my family lived in that state, it was relatively easy to transition and have a fresh start. And I'm so glad we did it.

I still grieve the life I thought I would have, but it is not nearly as frequent as it was even 6 months ago. Figuring out what the life that "I" wanted would look like, and then choosing to do that has truly been the turning point in my emotional growth.

I don't cry everyday anymore. In fact, I hardly ever think of the past or the pain anymore. Changing my surroundings has been so therapeutic!

I never thought I would enjoy being alone. I was as co-dependent as they come! Yet, here I am, loving it.

I still have a ton of work I would like to do on myself. I will always be learning who I am and trying to become the person my dog thinks I am.

To those who are newly into this nightmare, please keep posting. Hang in there. Listen to the vets. There is so much support, wisdom, and love on this board.


M44, H44, both M before
M4 yrs, T6
BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me
H att suicide 2/14
S 4/14
OW disc 5/14
D final 4/15
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Well, well, well...look who's posting! Shining!

I'm so glad you returned to post an update. You've been a busy woman and it sounds like you've finally landed a job that you love and a new location too! Sometimes it takes a good while before actually find our footing. Gosh, the kids are all growing up and doing things on their own.

I'm very proud of you. Please come back and post again soon. Don't be a stranger. We area always happy to hear from our family members.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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JOB!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH! So great to hear from you!!

I'm proud of me, too. smile

It really did take me a while to find my footing. I didn't want to admit it, but I just couldn't completely let go for the longest time. Like many others here, I went kicking and screaming.

It wasn't about giving up, it was about moving forward and loving myself enough to live the life I deserved. Perhaps not the one I "thought" I would have, but in many ways, better than ever. I am in paradise with mountains and ocean.

Best part? I left without feeling I owed xh an explanation or a goodbye. (btw for anyone who may be confused, he was my second H and not the kids' dad, so I didn't have to.)


M44, H44, both M before
M4 yrs, T6
BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me
H att suicide 2/14
S 4/14
OW disc 5/14
D final 4/15
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 564
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SHINING!!!!!!

Your post made my day. A little over 2 years ago was my BD. I was a wreck but your posts kept me going. I hung on every step forward and backward that you shared with us.

As I started to process things your journey helped me understand that I was not alone and you can't rationalize the irrational.

So good to hear about your move forward to live in an unexpected paradise.

Thank you for the update and thanks for sharing those early days.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Shining! I don't come here often, but it is so good to catch an update.

I think a lot of us suffer from PTSD - moving was also the best thing I could have done. Got me out of thinking what I had lost.

Oddly enough I might move back to in a year or two, but I have been here six years and loved it. When and if I move again it will be in a very different mental state.

Letting go of what we thought was a great life is hard. You deserve to be happy

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Shining - you now my thoughts.....

"b@lls of steel"!

You go girl!


Last edited by job; 09/07/16 02:23 PM. Reason: Cleaned up the language

"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Shining! Thanks for coming back here and posting an update! Congratulations on your move! And, I’m glad the kids love it too and striving!


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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Haha!

I post a much needed update and then see that Shining did too!

Good to hear from you!

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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THANK YOU, GUYS!!

Gwen, OMG your comment made MY day!!!! Thank you so much for the kind words!!! I sincerely hope you are well smile

Bea!! Thank you!!! I am doing what I can to be happy!! It works most days, but, you know, what with me being human and all.....some days are tougher than others!! That PTSD is a booger.

Eric!! HAHAHA! One thing I have never been afraid of is a new adventure. wink

Bright!! Thank you thank you thank you for stopping by!

And Tad, lol what a coincidence!! Great to hear from you!!

Going to finish re-reading my beautiful friend Mighty's thread!! I hope more old friends stop by!!! This really made me happy!! Miss y'all so much!!


M44, H44, both M before
M4 yrs, T6
BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me
H att suicide 2/14
S 4/14
OW disc 5/14
D final 4/15
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Posts: 1,249
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Shining!!!!! Man, you are the best. Such and AMAZING, INSPIRATIONAL, REAL woman.

I'm just so happy for you. So, so happy. You go live the life you deserve, girl. And don't forget me along the way.

I got nothing buy love for ya...

Newbies... read this girls sitch, she will make you feel good and show you ways to be you and be amazing.

"And that's what it's all about!" (While clapping to the beat)

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