As many of the vets on here remember.... last year we lost Jack 3 Beans. I still miss him. I attend the service and brought with me print outs of the responses that people posted on the thread. I felt that it was a way for his parent to know who and what "Jack 3 Bean" meant to people.
His parent were moved by what they read. They have asked me to post there response to everyone on these boards.
Here it is:
Thank you for helping us with this Eric. We're hoping you can forward this to the DB's in its entirety.
Its taken me all this time to think about what we wanted to say to all of Jack 3 Bean's friends. How can his Dad & I properly thank all of you for taking the time to share your thoughts about our beloved Son. The 22 printed pages that ericmsant2 hand delivered to us are a great source of consolation. It shows a side of Jeff that we never knew about. He was very humble in so many ways though I laughed out loud reading how some of you were intimated by him. Yes, he was all of that too. He was passionate about his beliefs & expressed them unfiltered. The pages are kept close by me in my night stand, where they will remain.
Let me tell you a little about Jeff that perhaps you didn't know: He was our "miracle" baby as I was told I might never conceive. He was our only child but he was better than 6 sons. I used to call him my "handsome Prince" which he loved as a child. He was a great baby, child, teenager (only one screw up), young adult & grown adult. When he got into the US Coast Guard Public Affairs Division he was ecstatic. When he was training for that position at Fort Meade, MD, he went with 8 other "Coastie's to a bar on the Baltimore waterfront. He told his Dad & I later that he really didn't want to go & only had 2 beers. As a Mom, I failed to tell him to always watch each & every person who comes into a bar & never have your back to the door. He & a 140 lb. friend went upstairs to that bar & Jeff was accused of spilling a drink on someone's girlfriend which he denied. Those bast___s beat him up (4 men) using brass knuckles & kicked his face in & quickly left. His friend ran down to get help but they were too late. The police dept. turned a deaf ear & told me to consider myself lucky that he was still alive. Really????? I won't tell you what I then said to that detective. Jeff picked me up (he was 6'4" & weighed 220 lbs then) & carried me to the door. He drove home in silence. He was taken to Walter Reed Medical Center & had 10 hrs of reconstructive plastic surgery by 2 renowned surgeons who said it was the worst case of assault they had ever seen. He told us years later that when he ate ice cream the metal would get cold. When I asked him if that was really true, he would merely smile in true Jeff fashion.
Why am I telling you all of this? 18 years later Jack 3 Beans became paralyzed. His condition is/was rare & is known as DAVF. He required 2 surgeries which only occurs in 1 in ten million patients. Yes, our only child. Research on this conditions reveals it occurs genetically (none in either side of the family) or the result of a severe head injury. Jeff worked hard to walk again. His Dad retired 15 months before me & fortunately was able to be with Jeff 6 days per week. Jeff always wanted Sat. for himself. His Dad massaged his legs & did PT with him which he learned by watching the PT's at the clinic. I never loved my husband more that watching his back breaking work with his son.
Jeff became bitter, frustrated & angry -- it was difficult on his marriage & friendships. About 1 year ago we noticed that the old Jeff was back which we were so grateful for. We have immense respect for his wife who stayed by his side to the very end. Jeff took his first trip to NC to see what it was all about. He contracted pneumonia at some point & along with his heart condition his body gave out. He had cardio myopathy & his heart was only pumping at 25% capacity. Yet he worked full time, went to PT, shopped, cooked, did the wash, cleaned, etc. When he was released from our local hospital, after 12 days in ICU (we nearly lost him there) he came home to our house for 5 days. We told him everything we wanted him to hear, through some tears because we knew he wasn't going to last much longer. He left after 5 days wanting desperately to be with his beloved son in Anchorage. Thank God his wife was with him because there was no way he could have made the trip alone. We would have gone with him if necessary. When we kissed him goodbye at the airport, we knew we would not see him again. One of the hardest things we've ever done while trying to be brave & smile. 10 days later he was taken by ambulance to the ER where they did CPR on him for 30 mins. A friend of his who is an RN was with him & we could hear them performing life saving measures. After 20 mins. I started screaming into the phone for them to stop & let him go. Then there was total silence.
His Dad & I are honoring his memory by going on & forever holding Jeff in our hearts BUT we'll never be the same people. We are happy for Jeff that he is basking in the glory of God where there are no wheelchairs, cathing, struggles or UTI's. Next Summer we plan on placing a plaque on Flat Top which is a mountain outside of Anchorage, approx. 40 mins. from the airport. It is what Jeff wanted & he asked me & a few close friends to make sure it happened. He wants it to read: Finally....something that didn't make me stronger. We will add: Jeff Fenn 1971-2016.
Thank you for caring about him so much. He was a very special man & we were truly blessing to have him for 45 years. We wish all of you the very best life has to offer. Love, Jack 3 Bean's parents.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
A beautiful tribute to a son that was loved by his parents and, of course, those who held him in high regards here. He's been missed, but his wisdom will live on because there are many here that walked the path w/him from day one till his passing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am glad you shared the DB communities messages and opinions with his parents. Those heartfelt messages were truly deserved and furthermore added a comfort to his heartbroken parents.
The story is sad but through it shines real love and respect. Thank you for acting as intermediary and sharing their words.
This site goes beyond trying to save Ms and the humanness encountered is real. Jack contributed more than many to that.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
thank you very much for sharing this. prayers continue for his family. nice to read a bit more about Jack from those who knew him best. I miss his wit and wisdom.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I will keep praying for his mom because I know she has been quite distraught and rightfully so.
It is hard to bury a child, it is not the natural order of life.
That week with J3B was fun and I know he enjoyed himself. The surprise birthday party and trip to see the coast guard will remain with me for the rest of my life.
It is still hard to believe that he is not here anymore and being I just had someone else my age pass away it drives home how important it is to keep living everyday to the fullest. It is one of the most important things that I have learned here.
