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#2267609 08/03/12 03:50 AM
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Catchy title huh?

Thought that I would start a new one before Jack gets his panties in a twist.

My old thread can be found here:

Something The Boys And I Have Noticed

Responding to comments from my previous thread:

Quote:
Amazing how we need time and space from someone that ditched us and eating their dust as they tear down the road huh? LOL.

But I really understand, I've felt very smothered by XH, even though he's not here, it still feels like he fills every space in my life in one way or another at times.

At any rate Tad... How are you coming along in the most important relationship of all? With yourself? How is that going?


Yeah. Seems like I can't catch a break. Seems like I have to face this crap everyday in one way or another. The relationship with me? Good I guess. I've always kind of liked myself anyways, so.....:)

Quote:
Couple of things here: the therapist who had his own agenda: depends what that agenda is. What was it? I know that in my case when I first went to therapy I wanted to just sit and vent a ton and get all this "explanation" from my therapist for my XH's behavior. It was like I wanted to use her to validate any theories I had going or to tell me I was right or wrong or that XH was out of line or crazy or whatever. She listened initially but soon resisted by saying things like "he's not my patient so I can't speculate." Or "he isn't the concern here; what he has done or is doing is not the point. What you are doing to heal yourself is."


I don't know. He just kept telling me to dump her and "leave her out to dry." I was trying to save my marriage at the time. Hell, she hadn't even filed for D yet.

Quote:
Second point, when you mentioned the counselor who did nothing to fix your marriage--and then you found out she was on her 4th marriage...well, ok, again....this sort of speaks to you seeing a counselor as being tasked with fixing your marriage and fixing your XW so that she comes back. When that didn't work, you called the counselor out for being married often. I don't know that that's a bad thing. A person married several times probably has a lot of insight into what can and can't work in relationships. And even if her own life personally is a mess, that doesn't make her a bad counselor for other people.


Right. I guess that I expected too much. I think she could've helped save the marriage but of course X (like most mlcers) decided that she didn't want to go to counseling anymore.

A friend of mine on here and the alt contacted me today and wondered how I was doing so I decided to give a quick update since it has been a while.

There really isn't much to say. I'm still working and volunteering for extra hours to keep me busy. I realized the other day though that my life is really quite boring these days. I really need to get out and mingle with friends. I just don't feel like it though......ug.

I am doing better at detaching I think. X has tried to contact me via text or phone 4 times in the last three weeks since getting engaged. I haven't responded at all. I would love to, but I don't because it always leaves me hurting or wondering if she is "coming around."

She seems to be trying to be extra nice. Just an observation.

The funny news is that she told my oldest son that it is "okay for people to smoke marijuana." Now, personally I don't care what other people do, but she has always been very strongly against it. My sons think she is saying this now because OM probably does it. I wouldn't be surprised if they were right.

S19 still has nothing to do with her. She used to say things like "S19 will be the one that breaks my heart." You know what? She was right, but little did she realize that it would be because of something that she did.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Posts: 3,132
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Tad,

Just stop by to say 'sup.....you sound good man!

Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Thanks Eric. I am getting there. It is a slooooow process though. Of course, I would be doing better if X would leave me alone.

She sent ANOTHER text today:

"Did you have any implants done on your teeth?"

WTF?


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,320
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Ignore her.


Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Drew #2267815 08/03/12 08:05 PM
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I try Drew. I've done pretty well at it, but I always end up wondering if I may be missing an "opportunity" to talk. Make sense?

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
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Ignore her, Tad. You aren't missing a chance to "talk". You're protecting yourself from being hurt. Again. And again. And again...

When and if it's time to talk, you'll both be able to talk and neither will be afraid. Until then, you are not missing anything other than pain and sorrow my friend.

It is hard to deal with it when every day they are in your face. But as you can see, it gets easier and it will stop or die down if you make it that way. That's your responsibility. She will continue to poke you in the eye if you let her.

Neat how it works, eh? But it is what it is.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM #2267839 08/03/12 09:15 PM
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Tad,
I have to agree w/the others....IGNORE HER! She's looking for any and every excuse to "hook" you back into her drama. Why would it be of any concern to her if you have/had dental implants done? The funding wouldn't be coming out of her pocket.

Tad, you are not missing any opportunities to open up communication w/her. She's still acting out and in a teenager's frame of mind. She needs to be cut loose and allowed to grow up. You can't save her! The only time you need to communicate w/her is when it concerns your children...nothing more.

Tad, it is now your time to find your balance, peace and quiet. Ignore her texts...she'll eventually get it.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2267844 08/03/12 09:24 PM
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Tad,

I agree with the others. Your Ex ain't done yet.

How many times has she drawn you in just to strike at you? Do you really want to give her a chance to do that again?

Protect yourself.

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Originally Posted By: tadpole1025
but I always end up wondering ...

Once you write "but" things usually go downhill from there.

Next time you start to wonder? Picture in your mind a big red eight sided figure with four big white letters on it .....


Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Drew #2267851 08/03/12 09:58 PM
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I agree with all of you. I have been ignoring everything. It is tough though when she seems to be trying to be nice. She does not seem as angry. I have to remind myself though that she is engaged and as long as OM is in picture, there is no way she is done.

Quote:
Why would it be of any concern to her if you have/had dental implants done?


I had a lot of dental work done years ago. She is having some done tomorrow and according to my boys, she is scared "sh!tless."

I don't know why she would ask though especially if she doesn't want me in her life.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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